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 Author Thread: How can I tell/show a girl I like her
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
How can I tell/show a girl I like her
Posted: 2/9/2014 8:31:49 AM
Initiate the steps to intimacy when only when she sends signals that she's ready for it, and be aware for those signs. In the meantime, be the fun and interesting MAN that she wants to be with...
It sounds to me like you are overthinking like you mention, but you may just be too serious with her. Don't be. Have fun with her and find out what makes her tick. Girls just wanna have fun, so have fun with her or set the stage for her to have fun. Talking about your relationship can be a drag, especially if either of you aren't ready to talk about it, so don't bring it up unless she wants to talk about it.
Going with her for the fourth date is great, but I wouldn't sweat your 'status' until you're on your 10th date. If you're not closer by then, then I'd move on regardless if she's shy or not.
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 66 (view)
How do I get my guy to throw me around a little?
Posted: 8/24/2013 5:44:22 AM
I found this post on best-of-craigslist, and it really speaks to what's being said here...

Dear Men of Craigslist,

Look, I know you men have it difficult. Women are just about impossible to understand, much less please. In a post-feminist society, you never know exactly what you should be doing. Women are bloody picky, I know we are. It can be scary, too, when women freak out about what appear to be benign issues. And men who do their best to be respectful, female-positive humans, I salute you, I do.

But please, please just **** me already. Honestly, I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I like that you want to take things slow. I can totally get behind the idea of emotional connection, but dearjesusinheaven, **** ME. We've done dinner and drinks. We've gone dancing. We've cuddled and watched a movie. I'm wearing a low cut shirt and you've been staring at my breasts all night. Goodgodalmighty, get to it and **** me.

When we get hot and heavy, please take charge. Please, please **** me. Trust me, I'm not going to just lie still - I'll get involved. But don't make me force your hand into my panties. That makes me feel like a rapist. We've been kissing for a half hour and your hand keeps grazing my ass. That's nice, but it's time to move forward. Get on top of me. Don't make me get on top right out of the gate and start bobbing up and down on your****like I'm practicing some crazy new aerobic yoga because YOU won't go down on me. Roll on top and start dry humping like a good boy should. Don't gently suck my nipples and then pull back when I moan with pleasure. You being coy is totally not what I want. It's not what WE want.

OK, I know it's scary. There are lots of women out there who make ****ing really difficult. So, I have compiled some handy tips. Don't think of this as complaining, or as schadenfreude for the Andrea Dworkins of the world. Just some simple tips, for timid men who have forgotten what it means to **** like men:

1. Taking charge is not bad. Oh, there will be some women who feel that you are pushy. If you are making out with a woman, and she starts to push back, ask nicely if things are moving too fast. If she says yes, say something like "I'm sorry - you just look so ****ing delicious. I'll go slower." Otherwise, skillfully move forward. If you start kissing a woman, and she responds well, and before long, you're both on the floor with her skirt pushed up, and you on top of her, it's not the time to roll onto your back and start awkwardly stroking the top of her head. Seriously, grow a goddamn pair. YOU'RE the man. Act like one.

2. Ohmy****inggod, please learn to respect the clit. It's different for every woman, so ask what she likes. Do not, I repeat, do not just wiggle your fingers around her **** like you're trying to tickle her. Do not drum your fingertips against her vulva like you are impatiently waiting at the Sears Tire Center for your receipt. Do not push the clit like it is a doorbell at some house that you need to get inside of. Start by using all four fingers with firm yet gentle pressure against the outside of her ****. Do not charge in with a single finger and start jabbing at things. And if you really don't know what to do, ask her. Just ask. "How do you like it?". It's a simple question, and most women will answer straight out. If she's being all coy, ask "Do you like pressure? Is it sensitive?" The clitoris is a varied item, indeed. Treat each one as though you have never encountered one before. Forget everything that your last partner liked.

3. Most women like to be ****ed, and ****ed well. Yes, there are women out there who want to "make love" every time - sweet, gentle, rocking love with lots of eye contact and loving kisses. Those women are not the majority. The majority like to be pounded. The majority like to have their hair pulled. The majority like a good, solid jackhammering. When a woman is bucking wildly against you, it's not because she wants you to pull back and slowly swirl your****around her vagina like you're mixing a cake batter up there. It's because she wants you to hold down her arms, or grab her hips, or push her legs above her head, and **** her harder. Don't be too afraid of what this means as far as gender equality goes - I am a raging feminist ****, but I still want to be penetrated like you are planning on ****ing my throat from the inside out.

4. A little roughness is nice. Do not pretend that you had no idea that some women like their hair pulled. Do not act shocked if she wants you to spank her ("Really? Spanking? Won't it hurt?" - yes, it does. That's the ****ing point). We know you've read Stuff and Maxim, and that's all those laddie mags talk about in their "How to Please Her" sections. Start with light, full handed smacks to the area of her ass that she sits on. Judge her response and continue on from there. You don't have to bend her over one knee and tell her she's a naughty girl and that Daddy's going to punish her; save that for the fifth date. Women are less delicate than you think, so don't worry about breaking her hip.

5. It's OK for you to make noise. Otherwise, we feel like we are ****ing a ninja. Unless you actually are a ninja, and have sneaked into our rooms with vibrating nanuchaku and zippered black pajamas, please, please make some noise. If you're banging a woman, and she's crying out and saying your name and moaning, and you can't even manage a grunt, she's going to feel like an idiot. You don't have to make the sounds she is making, but do SOMETHING. You know how when you are watching porn, and the girl does something great to the guy and the guy kind of goes "Ah!", half grunt, half yell? That's HOT. Do that. Whisper our name (assuming you know it) gruffly. Groan against her neck when you're in missionary position. You don't have to grunt like a mountain gorilla, but if you are totally mute, she's going to get worried.

6. Most women like dirty talk, in addition to the grunting. If you'd like to get some dirty talk going, ask her if she likes the way you **** her. If she responds well, continue with something like, "I love ****ing you. God, you look so ****ing hot." Is she still moaning in response? "Your tits are so beautiful." Does that work? If she doesn't respond well to the term "tits", you might have to stop there. If she keep moaning or responding, pass Go and collect $200. Try the following:

"Oh, god. Your **** is SO tight."
"You're so wet - are you wet because you like the feel of my****ramming you?"
"I think I'm going to come inside you. I'm going to fill up your little****" It doesn't matter that you're wearing a condom; we LOVE hearing this.

If all of those work, you can then progress to things like "sexy little ****" and "dirty whore". Tread carefully, but please, tread. Do not tiptoe. Do not sit down. Charge.

6. You're not obligated to eat a woman out. In return, she's not obligated to choke on your**** Don't skip one and expect the other. If you do eat a woman out, the only comment you should make about her **** is how nice it is. The length of her labia minora, the color of her interior, her waxing job or full bush - you are not John Madden. No time for color commentary.

7. Do not **** about condoms. Oh, we hate them. Trust us. They hurt us more than they hurt you. But we don't want to be preggers, and you don't want to catch anything, right? Don't whine about condom sex. Do not explain that you can't come with one on. LEARN to come with one on, or if not, help us figure out what to do with you once we're satisfied and it's time for you to let loose your load.

8. We really like it when you come. It's called a money shot for a reason. Watching semen shoot out of you is one of the most gratifying things EVER. However, do not assume that she wants you to jack it off onto her face. She might, but don't assume. Seeing and/or feeling you come is rewarding for us, so there's no need to deprive us of it, but please do consult us before unleashing. "I think I'm going to come - how do you like it?" is a fair question that shouldn't rob you of your testicles.

In recent memory, I've been ****ed by a very aggressive, manly guy, and I've been... well, ****ed is the wrong term here. I've been penetrated by a total and utter wuss. Who am I going to run back to when I'm ready for my fill? Manly McHardon, that's who. ----------------------------------------------------

*New point of clarification - some people have brought up some really great issues in response to this post, so let me say this: I don't mean to imply that all women like to be treated like whores. I do mean to say that most women I know have told me that they like sex rougher than most men give it to them. Rough does NOT equal chains and bondage. And this applies to the bedroom only, and does not mean that she wants you to choose her dinner for her, or treat her like less of a person. **Some women have said that they don't like it rough and what the hell am I thinking? Well, girls, you're in the minority. HOWEVER, all women need to remember that, in addition to be straight forward about your sexual desires, you need to be straight forward about your sexual limits. Don't be afraid to ask for more, but when something feels wrong, say so. Don't ever do something you don't want to do in silence and then blame the guy. Silence is dangerous.

My favorite line, and definitely something to consider for the sweet-loving guys who want to keep a sexy woman, is:
Who am I going to run back to when I'm ready for my fill? Manly McHardon, that's who. ----------------------------------------------------
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
thinking too much?
Posted: 7/18/2012 8:09:12 AM
Wow...thanks for the insights...
I hadnt asked anyone in offices because I thought it might be inappropriate, but
the offices seem to be best places to find good women! All the POF messages Ive sent have gone ignored, and Ive thought they were good
messages that showed Id read their profile. Do you really think put
ting the fact that Im not a rich man on my profile? That seemed too negative to me.
...its actually a secretary Id like to ring and she plays with her hair alot when we talk.
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
thinking too much?
Posted: 7/17/2012 8:40:22 PM
In my work, I go to professional offices daily to service their plants. I'm friendly, tall, in shape, and soon to be 53. I've had ladies I'm attracted to show the signs that they are interested in me, and usually I don't pursue them because a) I'm a contractor and don't want to be hitting on their employees and lose the account, b) my job doesn't pay well and child support leaves me with little cash for fun after bills and entertaining my kids, and c) I'm the lowly 'plant guy' and these professional women might not trust my intentions.
and d) I admit I'm scared of rejection.
I have a full life -- this is not a self pity thread -- I do alot of other work to supplement my income, I have great friends and my kids are fantastic. But, 4 years after my divorce I'm ready to find someone special.
My questions: should I pursue these professional gals, and how should I?
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
why do some girls act so high and mighty, they want us to chase?
Posted: 2/17/2012 7:41:54 PM
Yes, OP --
It really doesn't matter how attracted you are to a woman. It only matters if a woman is attracted to you.

You may get a date with someone who's not that interested, and maybe you can win her over, but over the long haul being with a woman who's not that into you is painful.

Don't waste your time and money on gals who aren't interested. Its easier anyway to look for and talk to gals who are open to you.
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
Broken engagement--- need advice please
Posted: 9/22/2010 7:20:55 PM
Hey Op -- sounds like you've been through the ringer, or she's put you through the ringer.

You know what -- she will ALWAYS be a part of your life. The first woman you really love and propose to will always be in your thoughts until you kick it. So, I'd keep up the communication with her. She's special to you, and you'll always want to know what she's up to.

But, marrying someone and being in a marriage afterwards is a whole 'nother thang. Someone mentioned that she's in love with the idea of a wedding, and maybe you are too, but the marriage going ahead requires that you can depend on each other. And depending on her now would be a nightmare.

Its good to look at marriage as 'how will it be in the future' with the both the good and bad considered. With love/lust you're just going day to day and loving the time together, but in a marriage you gotta live with everything and she will be a part of your life decisions. If she's flaky, then your decisions together will be flaky. If she's steady as a rock, then ...

Your ex-fiancee can't make up her mind about one of the most important decisions that you'll ever make together. So, its not time for you two. Don't pursue it.

Go live your life, OP. Hook up, man! If you find someone that doesn't drive you crazy with mixed signals, then pursue her...
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 39 (view)
How do I deal with an inattentive man?
Posted: 9/18/2010 7:32:51 PM
I knows guys like this... I think I even used to be this guy. He wants to be intimate. He wants you to think he's the nicest guy you know. He respects you so much that he doesn't want to insult you by hitting on you! But he wants you--shoot he said he doesn't want anyone else, right? But, to him, making that first move means he's committing himself fully. He doesn't know the meaning of casual sex. Any woman he shows his affections to will be the one that he will eventually marries. He's very serious about love.

I used to be that guy. How many fun girls did I bore the hell out of?

OP, you're going to have to make the first move with this guy. Show him that affection and sex does not mean the end of his individuality. It just feels good and doesn't have to be oh so serious. He may be funny, but I bet he takes intimacy VERY seriously.

You won' t know if he's just a nonsexual **** or if he, as someone else said, is "one of the good ones." Give him a massage, slap his butt, grab his crotch, kiss him deeply when he doesn't expect it. Have fun and make that first move--he's worth it , right?
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
How do you advertise for similar libidos
Posted: 9/18/2010 5:49:53 PM
Op, this is a great thread--props to you.

I don't think your profile has to say much of anything about your libido. Maybe just say that you're sensual and leave it at that. You have to find out about a potential partner's sexual appetite later on during conversation and time together.

If you want an LTR, it seems a very sensitive subject to broach, at least as a man asking a woman. So I think you've got to develop a rapport about other subjects before you talk about knocking boots. Even as a man, if it comes up too early it sure sends up some red flags.

I think anyone that has a high libido is going to be more open about it anyway, and it will be an easy subject to talk about. Just by asking about it, you'll find out early in communication. Seems that low libidos tend to hide it and they may be perturbed when asked, and high libidos are quicker to let you know. Men and women included.

If a gal is promising mind blowing and spectacular sex in their profile "to the perfect man who has committed to me", to me its fun to hear but man I always think how much is that going to cost me... Like OneNightEngagement mentions-- house-car-trips-expense account-before-you-pay-attention-to-me! or before the neighbors light up~~
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
Is she messing with me? (sorry long)
Posted: 9/12/2010 7:24:36 AM
Props to Deborah , too--

Ditto on using paragraphs!
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
Is she messing with me? (sorry long)
Posted: 9/12/2010 7:21:39 AM
Sounds rough, OP--
I agree with everyone here -- FB, e-mail and texting is just oh so not the way to make a date. Its great to find someone and share little things, but not the way to develop a relationship.
The best advice is make the commitment to yourself to NEVER be serious when electronic messaging--you can be funny, sexy, flirting, friendly, etc., and when its time to talk about setting a date or discussing your relationship, you msg "Lets talk later".
If you don't see her, then call her. I learned this by doing a worse job than you!
Messaging has no tone of voice to interpret which is so important...If anything, try not to expect a response whenever you msg her, and if she responds, don't read anything into it.
You blew it by not taking the Tuesday date, OP. If a woman's offering a first date at a certain time, jump on it--even if its for breakfast on a Wednesday. Confirm on the phone, not by msg, but best not to confirm at all.
From what you've written, I'd guess she likes you and wants to get to know you better, but she needs a friend now before she's going to make a mistake again. So ease off, maybe date someone else, and just be a steady and charming MAN who's on her radar.
And if you get to that first date, keep it simple and fun...maybe just one flower!
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
Would you do this on a first date?
Posted: 9/9/2010 2:48:36 PM
Wow -- the disparate answers I expected! Thank you all.
To clarify, I figured we were on the phone for at least a total of 24 hours up until the time that we met, and we'd seen pictures of each other on POF and FB and then some more, and the second bedroom was a definite dealmaker for the meet. I don't think we started with the intention of us starting ' in the middle', but I'm happy it did.
My apologies for the kiss and tell, but she'll see this and I'd never disclose her profile.
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
Should I be friend with my ex's best friend?
Posted: 9/9/2010 4:38:40 AM
Shoot, a long time ago, I dated my best friend's old GF for three years, and I loved her.
I knew my best friend wasn't kind to her, and he had moved on to the next victim. He and I fell out and I treated her the polar opposite of how he treated her. I've thought many times since then that I screwed up by not marrying her!
OP, these two men may be in cahoots and they may not. I think it paranoid that a poster would 'know' they are in cahoots without knowing them both -- we are all not out to humiliate women in teams, ladies!
OP, be careful, of course, but I would pursue the BF with baby steps. You sound like you can use a friend. He knows you and if he's kind, he may be a good friend to have at the least.
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
Would you do this on a first date?
Posted: 9/8/2010 10:03:26 PM
She lives 2 1/2 hours away and made first contact with me. We found a great chemistry in e-mails, texts, and on the phone, so I asked for a coffee date and I'd drive to meet her and then drive back.
But within a few days with more great conversations, she said she was taking a three day vacation on a great beach in three weeks and would I join her? A 2 bedroom place, of course. And it ended up we only used one. , and we'll see each other again in a few weeks.
I just thought this a great leap of faith sight unseen for her (and a little for me). And my question is, considering all the questionable characters that you can find on POF, would you ask a man for a first date sight unseen over successive nights?
Absolutely! Absolutely not! ...and/or what would go into the decision to maybe do it?
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 27 (view)
Goin' good (especially sex) with a POF'er, but they're still logging in constantly?!
Posted: 7/1/2010 7:52:55 PM
Your single life doesn't end when you hook up.
If anything, you still want to get advice about this great -- or not so great -- person you're having fun with while you're still in the POF community.
OP, It would be silly to ask him to hide his profile when yours is still up and you haven't reached the 1 month, 3 month, and 6 month plateaus. His and your options are still wide open, and if you're thinking commitment after being on here a couple weeks (so you've been intimate for one week?) you may just as well say goodbye to him.
Too-early talk about commitment is just another good reason for his profile to still be up. Take it easy...
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 54 (view)
i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 4/13/2010 11:19:35 PM
BoonDockSaint's right, too...

You won't know how important you are to her until you break up with her. No its not easy but if you take her shyt now all you have to expect is much more shyt.

Marry a liar and you're in for a world of hurt...
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 53 (view)
i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 4/13/2010 11:12:26 PM
Hi OP --

The way to approach her is to tell her that you have so many doubts about your entire relationship and tell her that you have the evidence that you mention. That you love/really like her and you want to be exclusive with her. Talking with the other guy to you means that you are not exclusive. And then ask her what does she think? Then shut up -- you want her to do all the talking then.

Her reaction will tell you what to do. Let her talk and get it all out. If you like the answers and she addresses the evidence and your exclusivity to your satisfaction, then be happy and have make up sex.

If she's got nothing to say then you know you were right thinking she was lying and cheating.

If she avoids the evidence or the exclusivity, or blames you for being a jerk, then you should end it.

If she puts any of these issues back on you, attacks you, or generally avoids your questions by talking about you, then thats it. too.

Personally, this girl does not have your best interests at heart. If she loves you, she would not be insisting to keep contact with hot lips. She's decided that he is a great option to you. You wanna be an option?

Look at it this way, where do you want to be with this girl in a year? Will it be ok if she's sexting other guys then? Nope...and it doesn't sound like she's making any changes for you. She's making other plans----
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
How many times to blow off meeting before you move on?
Posted: 3/28/2010 6:21:16 PM
Great advice bernta!

You'd think that a DM'er would want to move to the next level if things are good online and on the phone. The DM zone has got to be like the "Friend Zone" and I sure don't want to be there...

Shoot, I bet some could consider me a DM'er --AAAAaaaaaagh!
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
How many times to blow off meeting before you move on?
Posted: 3/28/2010 3:23:25 PM
She's within a decade younger in age, and no I don't like drama. We just had great banter, and I could tell she was cautious, so I was more patient. Usually it was me who initiated chatting, but as time went on she opened up and it seemed to be more mutual.

But it was always me who tried to get the meet. I put the ball in her court a couple times, but she never mentioned meeting. The wierd story was a clue, so I backed off for a couple weeks.

Why she criticized my forums and personality must just have been anger because I told her, "To me theres playing hard to get, and there's playing hard to never get" and that was why I wanted to stop trying.
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
How many times to blow off meeting before you move on?
Posted: 3/28/2010 2:52:34 PM
I've been chatting with a very funny and sweet lady on POF at least 5 times a week for 6 or so weeks. We've talked on the phone a couple times, too.

I asked and we agreed to meet for coffee, but she dropped communication right before we were going to meet and came back a few days later saying there was a death of a friend. It was a bizarre story, but it ended up that no-one died and someone had played a trick on them.

A couple weeks later I asked again and we agreed to meet on a Saturday, but twice when I tried to confirm the place and time she ignored the question and chatted around the meet. So Friday night I didn't know if we'd meet or not.

So I called it off and wished her well -- I apologized a couple days later for being abrupt and not being able to have enough sense of humor to handle her playing hard to get.

She came back angry, criticized my Forum entries, my personality, and ended with "What a shame"!

My question: How many times can you be blown off for a meet/date before you call it quits,
and how do you handle it--Drop all communication (which I probably should have done) or let them know?

I've thought to be blown off twice was enough, unless they regret missing it and offer suggestions for another time in the future...
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 28 (view)
Is my profile good bait?
Posted: 3/25/2010 2:59:47 PM
Another thing, Tigress.

Maybe you don't notice this...

Your sentences often start out funny or positive, but end with a downer.


You seem to want to cover each subject's yin/yang, which is cool, but your ending is mostly bad. Is that your intention to get the readers attention and interest and then hammer them with cold mean reality in every sentence?

Can't leave them wanting more that way...JMO...
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 27 (view)
Is my profile good bait?
Posted: 3/25/2010 2:49:00 PM
Tigress --

The pix you have are great, just add some more -- a full body shot, a toothy smile shot, and one with others where you're obviously having fun.

The text is a chore to get through, though.

You start out with an interesting quote (crediting just 'Goethe' would be better), and dive into a male bashing screamadelica. BFD about the guys in your past -- any new man who reads this will not get to the better stuff later on. This new guy will think, "Oh, she's joking and has a sense of humor" IF he gets to the later paragraphs.

First paragraph can be about love and the man you want. Why are you on POF? Emphasize early the good things you're looking for, not the boys-with-no-balls, men-are-pathetic, characteristics you don't want. To you that may be hilarious, but to a new man you'll appear shrill and man-hating.

Then cool things about your job and life in the next paragraph.

And end with hope.

Then use spell check.

And that's it--read this: KEEP IT SHORT. Men will not read all your wordy philosophy. If the profile is too wordy, then that new man will think, "OMG, she probably talks as much as she writes, and I'll never get a word in edgewise."Save all of it for chats, coffee, and dates.

If you're after angry egomaniacs or wimps who want to ogle your cleavage, then don't change a thing. You won't get a strong man by challenging all POF men on how wimpy they are!

Good Luck...
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
Please help with my profile
Posted: 3/21/2010 9:23:48 PM
Wow, paletti--
I'm surprised you haven't had more success... you have cute pix and you give ALOT of things for anyone interested to chat about!

My only thoughts would be to maybe changing your main profile picture to one with just you in the whole frame, not with others so you get more clicks -- the second kissy face one would be fine.

You could also condense your writing down by combining paragraphs and putting several interests into each sentence -- you've already done that alot, but us guys won't read that much text. We might think you also talk too much!

All that said -- I can see the Cali men are missing out on you! Good Luck...
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 30 (view)
what do women really mean when they say ------------ ?
Posted: 3/19/2010 3:43:55 AM

I know it is my fault that all those women lied,stole,jerked me around and screwed me over. Thats typical though.The women act like low life scum of the earth,treat me like garbage and it's me that needs to improve.What a load of crap.

OP -- All woman aren't like this.

But if you have this attitude when you meet a spectacular woman who won't lie, steal, jerk you around or screw you over, and you act like she's going to, she'll pass you by.

Say goodbye to all the great women that cross your path. And you'll be left with the dregs who know that you're a target--because it worked for some other woman it will work for them.

You've seen the worst, now go find the best. Now that you've developed a thicker skin and you know what to look for in a woman, you can find her. Dwell on the past and you'll be stuck in it, reveling in your fabulous misery.
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 23 (view)
what do women really mean when they say ------------ ?
Posted: 3/18/2010 7:25:49 PM
OP -- someone said this earlier "She wants to take this a step at a time", and that is so right on.

Meet online -
Chatting increases -
Common interests discovered -
Minimal baggage discovered -
Meet for coffee/drink -
Pleasant conversation about coffee/drink -
First Date -
Pleasant conversation about first date -
Plans for more dates -
Shopping together -
Seen in public together -
Dating -
First 'disagreement'
Make up -
Meeting parents or relatives -
and on
and on and on...
And each step builds on all the steps before it. If you mess one up, you may have to go back. If you bring up the Baggage step, when she thought you already got past it, then go back a bunch of steps.
If you can do this and enjoy it, then you got something. If you do this and you're constantly revisiting steps, it ain't good.
You gotta go through it all with a good spirit and strength and stamina to get the respect and love you want. Thing is, you can't do it alone -- if she's not helping, then its not happening. You help her, she helps you. Anything else sucks.

I'd love it if there were a couple steps to love and respect, but its a woman's game. You gotta learn how to play it. A life's challenge...
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
Why risk losing EVERYTHING?
Posted: 3/18/2010 6:59:55 PM

I could be wrong, but wasn't Paul Newman married to wife #1 when he started seeing Joanne Woodward? He may not have cheated on wife #2 and maybe he had an agreement with his first wife before he dated Ms. Woodward, but I am sure he was still married.

Are you kidding me? Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward were married for more than 50 years!!! And you think he's a cheater --still?

I admit, men can't win!
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
Why risk losing EVERYTHING?
Posted: 3/18/2010 6:54:47 PM
Wow Philly -- I find your question to be very one sided. Another "women good, men bad" kind of argument and worthy of a Lifetime or Oxygen drama!

Look at it this way:
Famous and wealthy men have women throwing themselves at them all the time -- I had a friend who played for the Yankees who said there were always available women at the end of games - always. I can't imagine how many women threw themselves at Tiger Woods showing him that they were ready for sex with him at a moment's notice with no questions asked. Tiger didn't mess around with anyone you'd heard of, right? In his humanness, the power (over women) got to him. Then it was just a matter of discrete scheduling. I still can't believe Jude Law (with his nanny!)and Hugh Grant (with a prostitute!)cheated on their gorgeous women. As a famous man, you'd live in this encapsulated world where you can't go outside without being bothered and inside there's usually a woman close that you'd know would **** you. The constant temptation can't be easy when you're trying to be a good man.

Famous and wealthy women don't have men throwing themselves at them all the time for sex. If a man shows her -- or any woman, for that matter -- that he's available for a quick roll in the hay, she gonna be turned off. Only if he has a ton of talent, power or wealth will she be interested in him, and then it will be for something long term with loads of questions to make sure he's a keeper. I don't see Gwyneth Paltrow, Sandra Bullock, or any smart actress succumbing to men because they don't have half the amount of temptation.

And what do you believe anyway? Magazines publish what sells, and they are selling to women! Men wouldn't buy a magazine about Pamela Lee Anderson cheating, but you girls would buy them if anyone is cheating. "That dirty dog, he did it again -- just like Ralph did to me!" What do we care what famous people do? They don't pay my bills... why spend so much time thinking about the beautiful (snicker) people?

I'm just a guy whose ex wouldn't have sex with him for 8 years -- and I never cheated. Some people cheat , and some people don't. Hope you find one that doesn't.
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
What exactly is so attractive about being physically active?
Posted: 3/16/2010 7:22:10 PM
OP -- you just haven't found the physical activity that works for you. I HATE running and lifting weights, but biking and swimming, walking and throwing the baseball, man they give me a physical high and feeling of well-being.

I don't know anyone who doesn't feel better after getting outside and moving around. Stress and problems just fall away. Shoot if I'm stressed at home or work, I just go for a long walk and the activity clears your head. Fresh air and feeling the body working like it should brings your mood up.

If you sit on the sofa or chair for long enough, you'll turn out with aches and pains earlier than you should, and you'll be a boooooring dude.

Start out easy and work your way into some kind of regular routine -- it makes a lot of difference. And stay away from those that get stressed from exercise!
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
what happened to this one?
Posted: 3/16/2010 5:03:24 PM
Maybe she was expecting the ring?

...and you did everything BUT that!

Seven years and a kid and no commitment from you -- women need the rock, man!!
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 33 (view)
First Date...he's calling daily?
Posted: 3/13/2010 6:00:00 PM
The issue here is not the daily calls/dates/texts, its that the communication is not mutual.

If you were into the guy, OP, it wouldn't be an issue. You'd love the attention--

But, you're not, so he's a wierdo to you. Or clingy, Or needy, or he has no options, or something else derogatory.

Sounds like he's communicating with you, but you're not with him. Tell him where he stands at this early stage, and tell him what you expect. Otherwise, you can continue to not tell him and he'll keep harangueing you and you'll continue to have something to complain about!

Give the guy a break -- he really likes you, OK? Get over yourself and talk to him. If he doesn't know what bothers you, how is he going to know?
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
Breaking up over email..right or wrong
Posted: 3/13/2010 5:15:16 AM
I've written many e-mails that I didn't send.

If you're sending an e-mail to a lover that is filled with complaints of them, it will do NO good. It only makes YOU feel better. And it cuts off any chance you'll have of getting some good closure if the relationship dies.

So don't do it.

If I want to send a negative e-mail, I write it, save it, and read it in a day or two before sending it. I guarantee that more often than not you'll think, "Wow, I'm glad I didn't send that -- its makes me look pathetic!"

OP, the guy told you that you were an option, not a priority. Its not what people and friends say that tells you how they feel about you -- its what they do.

E-mail and texting may be a good way to start a relationship, but they suck when trying to maintain one.
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
Is this considered cheating?
Posted: 3/13/2010 4:35:43 AM
What a loser -- he can't even lie right. He's so bad about lying, he'll never make a good cheater, because you have to lie well to cheat.

He'll have to go back to honesty. He could start by not lying about his lie.

He's giving good men a bad name.
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 30 (view)
Pansexuals and dating
Posted: 3/12/2010 2:51:04 AM
OP. you're takng this way too seriously. You obviously revel in how different you are and it sounds like your contact with prospects is in-your-face on the subject of your sexuality.

Maybe you are more evolved than all of 'us' nonpansexuals, but labeling yourself something that 99% of 'us' have to look up is elitist. I would think a true pansexual wouldn't call themselves anything. They'd just be.

But you are all about us understanding you, not you understanding us -- a frequent hang-up with large breasted women, I might add.

Telling everyone you're pansexual might be a defense mechanism against rejection for you -
and you can pity us if we don't understand.

I'd keep the pansexual term on the down-low if I were you. We're all looking for commonality in those we love, and that screams that you fiercely don't want to be common. It certainly makes you not a woman and not a man. Different is sexy, too different is a turnoff.

To each his own...
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
what is goin' on?
Posted: 3/11/2010 2:49:57 PM
There was no relationship here!

He wanted to get some cake and didn't get any, so he's moved on. Sounds like a very young dude for 25---
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
What do I do?
Posted: 3/11/2010 2:27:55 PM
Man -- you guys are tough!

I read somewhere that a man that is on his own who meets someone great can get spooked. He thinks about all the freedom he had that he would lose and not about the great possibilities he could have with a great relationship. Think about it -- he used to do everything he wanted, and soon he'll have to do what both you and he wants. Often women dominate their men, and want to change them, so he's thinking about that.

The worst thing you could do is give him an ultimatum -- "do you want to be with me or not?". He'll choose to go his own way, because he knows how to do that. Better than being coerced into the relationship.

You've heard it where a man has to go into his 'cave' to figure things out (women have a hard time understanding this!). So let him, and don't pressure him. Let him call you.

If you can't do this, blow him off and say he's a player or "he doesn't know what he wants", or he's a commitmentphobe or whatever insensitive women want to call him. But, hey if it was good, give the guy a chance. It'll show him you like HIM, and not that you're desperate for a relationship.

Maybe he is a player--there's not enough info--but you'd know. Lay off him and stay out of his face. Let him miss you --
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 100 (view)
Q about sex w/girl on top and guy going soft
Posted: 3/8/2010 9:36:17 PM

Once it's inside, there is no way to bend it...think about it.

Oh I've thought about it --I'm thinking about it right now.....


Some lovers, though, have slid down too far, and the fact that it can't bend is the problem. If it happens once, I try like heck to make sure it doesn't happen again. But if they're insistent on getting alot of pressure on the G spot and bending the unbendable down it can be a turnoff.
I'm big and strong though and not afraid to express myself so I'd ask for what so many here have suggested here -- mix it up! Woman on top is hot if its done right!
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 98 (view)
Q about sex w/girl on top and guy going soft
Posted: 3/8/2010 7:01:09 PM
OP have you tried the slide with him outside of you? You can have your slide on the clitoris instead of the G spot and he can have almost an in and out -- put that in your bag of tricks.
Having one's manhood bent down when its designed to go up or straight out is painful and almost scary, hence the limp mode to protect itself.
He wants to live to see (in the dark) another day...
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 49 (view)
She hasn't had sex with me for over a year
Posted: 3/8/2010 6:36:08 PM
Think of your situation in the future. You're looking back and living in the present, but how is your dysfunctional relationship going to be in the future.
How would it be if you stayed together? Is she going to do all the things suggested in this thread -- medical testing, counseling, exercise -- to make it better? Because all of those things are what its going to take to get her -- or your-- problem solved.
What if you split? You would probably find a more willing and attractive partner, she would have more reasons to clean herself up because she couldn't keep a loyal and devoted partner -- you.
Her not wanting to talk about it is just another sign that your relationship is going under. And its getting worse as time goes on. What does the future hold for the two of you as it continues to slide? From experience, when the sex goes the relationship goes.
My one year of no sex turned into 8. Don't let it happen to you. My ex washed twice a day and looked at me disgustedly because I only did once. Its a distancing behavior -- her lack of bathing and care keeps you away, doesn't it? She'll never admit it, but that's what she's doing...
Of course you love her -- she's all you've known for 10 years. You always will love her, but you can still love her after you've left.
I think if you have it in your mind that you're going to leave, then you'll do what it takes to get out. Right now you are doing all the understanding of her and she is making no effort. One way relationships suck. And it doesn't sound like yours has a future.
Good Luck, man!
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
Dont get baggage over it
Posted: 3/1/2010 7:20:03 PM
She lied to your face, either by telling a lie or omitting the facts. Feel sorry for her, then forgive her, then move on.

Emphasis on 'forgive' her. It will do you more good than her. She had her reasons for being a turd and none of them will give you any satisfaction. They'll be excuses that you in your wisdom chose not to use, too. Depends on how you look at it, but I think its great to have been the person who took the high road and not cheat. There's no scum to scrape off.

So forgive and be glad as heck that you didn't go further into the relationship. Now THAT would have been a disaster!

The better you can learn to forgive, the less you'll be looking for --or expecting --cheating in your next SO. Forget it and forget her as anything you'll have to deal with again. If you have to, you can still be friends with you as the guy who took the high road--a good place.

That said, browneyedgirl said it all -- cheaters think everyone cheats, so look for their suspicion of you and you'll know...
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
Do I tell her how i feel?
Posted: 3/1/2010 7:01:27 PM
Please don't tell her -- you may lose your job or your pride or your reputation at work.

But, she's close and you probably see her every day, so its got to be difficult. To end up with her, you'd have to take baby steps to get, lunch, drinks, doing things together outside of work, and be a man not her psychologist. You are a girlfriend at work to her, so you'd have to turn that around. Be a man she can lean on and not complain to...

By asking her for each baby step, you'll see where her heart lies, so you'll have to be ready to realize that despite her crowing about him, he may be the dude she wants to end up with. But you won't know until you've asked for each step. Get ready for some 'I don't knows"!

Doesn't sound good though that she's living with the guy. Its an uphill battle -- isn't there someone or something else you can focus on ?

But whatever, don't tell her -- the only time she'd ever want to hear that is long after you're in a relationship with her. "I've always loved you" is more romantic than, "I really really like you, will you leave your boyfriend for me?"
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
blind date gone bad!
Posted: 2/22/2010 7:19:23 PM
I think you gotta seize the moment if this kind of thing happens again.
Get over feeling awkward and nervous and dance with her badly -- with a few dips for the "audience". What do you have to lose?
I partied with a friend who would go out on the dancefloor and dance with whoever, and often they were far from the cutest out there. But just from being a fun guy with a big heart he had other women coming up to him.
Word gets around...
Screw your friends -- they ambushed you. The mother was there? C'mon --
Still -- be the man, not the cool kid. Would you have kicked her out of bed ?
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
Am I crazy or is he??
Posted: 1/31/2010 9:17:09 AM
OP, sounds like he is not into the family life, which is his loss. I can' t imagine its you he's done with--you're too cute. But if he's dealing with a mommy of three he probably wasn't getting enough attention and it takes a real man to stay and find the positive aspects of being part of a family. And he's a boy not a man.
Going after the low hanging fruit in front of you is his way of getting back at you for not being the fun girl he wants you to be, which is incredibly unrealistic and immature. He's pretty selfish isn't he?
You could cut off contact with him (other than about the kids) and live a great life without him. Maybe he'll come around, maybe he won't. But in the mean time, your chasing after him will have the opposite effect that you want -- it will drive him further away.
You'll have to grow up sooner than he does --just be a fun and responsible mommy, get him to help as much as possible with the kids, and stay away from players, or pathetic wannabe players like your husband.
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
How do I have the talk with my boys and what do I say?
Posted: 1/27/2010 9:52:47 PM
It has to come from you-- the internet is great, but the respect for women you desire can't be taught from a computer screen.
I told my boys when they were 9 -- I remember when I was a child that other boys would talk big and act like they knew it all to see if I knew too, and often I had no idea what it was about. My dad told me the bare minimum but that was a different time. Now sex is everywhere--on the TV etc.
So, with my boys I decided to tell them everything and leave out nothing so they knew how its done with gentleness and care. And respect. And let them know that they can always ask questions. I even ask them often if they have any questions. And usually they do!
Just matter of factly explain the details,, and make it fun. They're just kids~~
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
Dead Beat Dads????
Posted: 1/27/2010 9:29:12 PM
First off, I should say that I'm a dad to fantastic twins...

But, why don't couples who don't know each other that have casual sex and get pregnant have abortions anymore?
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
breakup - a necessarily mutual decision?
Posted: 12/23/2009 3:30:29 PM
Couples might say its mutual, but its always one or the other that does the deed. Saying it has to be mutual reeks of co-dependence.

You have to make the break and stick with it. Talk all you want but its still over. Its difficult because of all the things you planned to maybe do together in the future won't happen, so talk it out. I think its mean to just break it off then have zero contact.

...Talk all you want, but its still over. So don't break it off if you're not sure. Then do it. Just say you fight too much or we disagree about too many things or you need something else or I know I won't fall in love with you...

Best advice -- do it early. Dragging it out is painful and makes it so much worse for the one you're dumping.
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
My ex-wife's boyfriend!
Posted: 12/23/2009 3:17:36 PM
Neither the guy nor your ex will really care -- they both screwed you over. Both lied to you, and she did to your face. Let them both stew in their cheating ways...

Next time take a picture and just send it to her -- any other action by you is a waste of time ...
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
wondering what girls really see
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:28:56 AM

It is hopeless. Delete your profile.

At least the first paragraph --its too nice, too sweet.

Girls don't want a wimpy sweetie pie in their bed or in their lives. Most want a man. A funny, confident man that doesn't tell her what he thinks she wants to hear. Women are much smarter than that, and they can see self proclaimed nice guys who only want to get in her pants from a mile away.

Be your own man with no apologies. Then let her know she interests you...
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
a coward living a lie
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:16:49 AM

You're a man who knows what he feels but treasures the friendship more than pursuing something that won't happen and would end the friendship.

I'd say, you're an adult.

So right ...

You're not a coward -- shoot youre brave as heck for hanging in there.

Don't cut her loose -- its great having quality people in your life. But being with her almost every day is a mistake. Admit that you're doing it so she can finally realize what a big mistake she's making by not picking you to be the love she's been waiting for all her life. If she had the balls to tell you point blank that its a no, then it ain't gonna change! Ever...

Stay her friend that you talk to every once in awhile, don't answer every one of her contacts (meaning: ignore her sometimes), get busy with other things, and Date Others. You'll not change her mind if you're in her face all the time-- The only way she might realize how great you are is by her missing you from afar.

If you really want to understand her perspective, try to find someone that loves you more than you like them, then you'll understand...

So much more fun, and easier on the soul when the feeling is mutual.
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
why do girls think all guys want is sex?
Posted: 10/7/2009 11:58:33 PM
They're a paradox -- they really want someone to rock their world in bed, they want to be adored and cared for, yet they don't want you to think it until you're there.

They also don't want to be hit on unless you're the absolute perfect guy for them, yet they don't really know who that perfect guy is...

I used to think that I wanted to show a woman I liked that I was the nicest guy she'd ever met, and that she would want to be with me because I was so nice. So I did nice things, said nice things, gave nice gifts, noticed nice things about her -- what a mistake! While you're doing that, they're thinking "this guy wants to have sex with me, because he's acting so nice," but it creeps them out. It seems like thats just another way to impress them, yet they don't want to be impressed, they want to be with someone that's real.

I've found if you show you want to be with them yet you can live without her and you have options, then you're released from trying to impress her with "niceness", and she'll realize maybe this man doesn't want to be with her -- why the hell not?

Its not a game--its an attitude that you're your own man and don't need to give up yourself to get her.

OP -- if girls are always thinking --or expressing to you -- that all you want is sex, then change your pattern of talking to them. Be the fun guy who just happens to want to talk to her right now -- be brave enough to say something that maybe she won't like..
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 27 (view)
The soft blow off, how do you handle it?
Posted: 10/7/2009 6:45:33 PM
" I don't think this is a love connection" --doesn't get much softer!
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 31 (view)
So I am seeing this guy....
Posted: 10/7/2009 6:42:40 PM
You both blew it.
Neither of you could express how much fun you were having and that maybe it could go on under the guise of no strings (wink, wink - oh aren't we naughty!) when there might have been something there.
He just beat you to the punch in the game of Who Could Care Less, and maybe you wish it was you who ended it?

That said, he was pretty darn tacky~
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