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 Author Thread: Male friend annoying me
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Male friend annoying me
Posted: 11/8/2011 4:43:42 PM
He's obviously gotten to a point where he thinks you're the future Mrs. What you're just looking for now is some sort of lie/stall tactics that will keep him hanging on ..so he can continue to give you that companionship/friendship you need without the commitment...I'd say FAT CHANCE...he's going to realize sooner or later that he's wasting his time. There's no avoiding it. He's only sending you daily messages because he's in love with you and want to hear from you..not because your replies are so extremely exciting to read. He will gradually disappear and so will the companionship when he realizes that he's wasting his time. Having a fake boyfriend will just make that happen sooner...
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 62 (view)
 
missing companionship in a bad way.......
Posted: 11/8/2011 3:30:36 PM
If you look like Joe Jonas (or whatever that people find attractive these days), acting desperate won't stop the girls from ripping your shirt off.
You're desperate not only because you need companionship.
You're desperate because you need companionship but you know the chances are slim.

You seem like a nice guy that nice girls will love....but I saw your pic, you need to lose 40 pounds and take some new pics....Once that's done, you'll find that half of the girls will become very forgiving of your "desperate" attitude ...
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 86 (view)
 
What would you do?
Posted: 11/8/2011 2:59:11 PM
that's his social circle, and the just happen to be women (for various possible reasons)..
before you demand that he cut these women out of his lives,
are you ready to cut all your friends out of your life (man & woman) as well, if he asks?

Either learn to live with it or move on. He's not going to be happy without most of his friends even if he agrees to it and he'll have a bigger urge to cut you loose when another woman who can cope with the girlfriends come his way.
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 57 (view)
 
can't commit now and says to move on
Posted: 11/8/2011 2:14:23 PM
working + going to school/studying, with only 2 hours left in a week he has
to make time to travel to meet you...he's just tired of this long distance thing...
either you suggest moving closer to him and see what he says or move on
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Missing that spark - what to do where to look??? Advice??/
Posted: 11/8/2011 10:35:10 AM
All I see are two very immature people who has unrealistic expectations for a relationship. You want a loving family, great kids, someone you love who loves you,
you want lust, excitement every single minute...the moment you lose that bit of spark one goes back to the ex, the other wants to cheat but doesn't have the gumption to say it out loud.

Relationships aren't exciting and thrilling and full of lust all the time. As you said it, 9+ years with the same person and a bit of tough times, it's hard to expect things to be perfect everyday. Just like wearing a same shirt for 10 years, it can get pretty dull. It's reality.

It seems like both of you have that "oh no, the spark is gone, we are going to die if we don't get it back ASAP" mentality and gets impatient and look for a 3rd wheel to charge you up. Take your time, call up a counselor, take it one step at a time...maybe it won't come back and it doesn't come back in full force for most people...People seldom get excited over anything forever....this is a reality you have to deal with. The right approach is to have some patience and work together, keep trying, instead of telling yourself that "I'm not getting what I want the moment I want it..the world is coming to an end" attitude.
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 112 (view)
 
Should she return the engagement ring to her husband?
Posted: 11/7/2011 5:37:49 PM
The man can't take it back to the jeweler, but he can certainly sell the ring or use that diamond for a new ring...it's not like he can't make use of it...so I'm not sure how much of your story to believe...I don't know how rich he is, who wanted out or who was the bigger culprit in the marriage..so I'm going to go with the info I have...

It's a gift to her... it's really HER ring..
but if it's a pair of old socks, I'm sure she won't be asking you for advice.
obviously, there is no sentimental value in keeping the ring..actually, it carries negative sentiments, so she's keeping it for the big diamond and/or to stand her ground against her man...

tell her to donate it to her favorite charity....
if her answer is "NO!"...then you know it's not about her pride, her rights, her anything..
it's just purely because of the diamond....
if it's a matter of $$/the pretty diamond, then I'd stay out of her way and let her decide on her own...
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Advice, was i right or wrong?
Posted: 11/3/2011 2:25:34 PM
The OP didn't sleep with her because he was just a horny **stard who needed a random vagina to penetrate...I'm sure he was horny, but he still has feelings for this woman....
if he didn't want this woman and only wanted to get busy..
It would be an easy hit and run, he wouldn't be here asking for our opinion.

He mentioned the rum most likely because he knew someone is going to rip him to shreds even if he did it to save the world...
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Advice, was i right or wrong?
Posted: 11/3/2011 2:09:39 PM
very little info here...but if I were to guess..this sounds like a 80% defence mechanism with a possible 20% vengence....

I think you did quite a few things right ...
1) not going forward with this because you were so hurt by her and you are so not ready for a recurrence.....if lightning strikes twice, It will be more difficult to recover...

2)You were at least responsible enough to be honest with her and gave her a really good truthful reason (which she didn't do 5 years ago) and let her understand what she has done to you (giving you some closure)...and it gave you enough closure that you finally could decide to shut her out of your life something you couldn't do in the last 5 years......as long you didn't do it in a nasty, "right back at ya" kind of way..i think this must be the break
that you've needed..
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Would you tell someone if they were dating a Violent person
Posted: 11/2/2011 6:01:59 PM
^ does the public records have her name on it? Anyhow, if it refers to a specific incident, he will know it's her anyways...who's by far most likely to know and inform her about this abuse incident other than the victim herself?

seems like the OP is ready for/not afraid of the man. Probably has her pepper spray ready... Even if he knows her address or look it up...he has to be really crazy to go near her, he will be behind bars for good.....Is the OP seeking double revenge?
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Would you tell someone if they were dating a Violent person
Posted: 11/2/2011 5:24:50 PM
well yeah...we all know the OP still hasn't found real closure...
Normally, it hurts/disgusts to see his updates, people would've blocked/deleted him the long ago...

look, the truth is on her side...she has the proofs she can scan & upload or find a link to refer to the case on the internet.

There will always be a minority of people who are so blinded by love that
they will believe that the man has changed or she is bitter, etc..and not look at the facts.
You can't worry about this type of people...they won't believe it until they see it with their own eyes...but most sane people will either begin to doubt this man or actually believe you when she sees proof. ....things will work her way most likely...
don't sound too desperate...just give her the info, if she doesn't believe you, just let it go..
even if it doesn't sink in now...trust me , it will have an affect later...the next time he hits this new girl, she will remember what you told her and will ditch him ASAP...
Otherwise, she might fall for his excuses
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 38 (view)
 
What would you do
Posted: 11/2/2011 4:50:51 PM
there are exceptions, but Men these days generally don't think about "what I deserve"..alot of younger men don't talk to their conscience...the majority of men just thinks about "what i want" and "how i'm gonna get it". Men have been trained to be very "goal oriented" these days...

it's over between him and his girl...his needs aren't satisfied anymore,
so he thinks of you as the next one in line to fulfill his needs....

I've seen too many men like this, people are no different from an object/goal to them...young women to a lesser degree are becoming like that this day and age....
It's our self-centered modern culture...
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Would you tell someone if they were dating a Violent person
Posted: 11/2/2011 4:22:57 PM
but if you've been apart and still paying attention to his facebook..
you seem to be holding a big grudge at him and seeking revenge/closure..
I don't blame you at all after what he's done to you....and if I were you, I'd let her know...

If you have picutres/police reports/online links, etc..to prove it..then good
if it's only your own testimony, then don't say too much...don't sound too desperate..
tell her you've been beaten up by this man a few years ago, warm her to becareful...he's nice in the beginning but gets violent later on..etc...
see if she will respond and ask for more details...
if she's smart, she will.....if she's blind and believes that he's changed/you're lying then she will tell you to get lost or ignore you...you'll know how far to go
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Does she really want to be single
Posted: 11/1/2011 12:56:37 PM


Actually-I'm simply giving my opinion here...and also making an observation about what criteria I would use to agree with or support someone elses' opinion. And I do usually mention that it is an OPINION-not "advice" when speaking to someone from a different age group or culture.
In the vernacular I grew up with " get it on" was generally used to denote a sexual encounter-though it could be used to describe a sexual AND romantic/pair-bond involvement. I'm simply pointing out that for a limited-run sexual involvement, there does not have to be some mutual committment to becoming UN-single together.
If you actually meant that the OP wanted to get into a relationship with this woman, why didn't you just SAY that he wanted to have a relationship with her-instead of using the phrase "get it on",which might be interpreted differently by different people? ....etc..

whatever, Cindy O. You're too funny.
Like we all have to mention whether it's an opinion or an advice because the OP will be misled into believing that we are all professionals and will take our advice as scientific fact?
and now, You're trying to criticize my usage of the phrase "get it on"...Come On, HUN...You're just one of those defensive people who just hates to be wrong but loves to criticize and yes, as you said, you know there are many definitions to the phrase 'get it on", so why did you jump to conclusion that it's about sex (although the disucssion has nothing to do with sex) and then criticized be based on your own assumption.
..if that isn't jumping to conclusion, what is?
Oh, just suck it up, Cindy O...I was so right about you...you've just proven it further with this reply.
I call it as I see it. My evaluation of you is spot on.
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Does she really want to be single
Posted: 11/1/2011 11:44:39 AM


I've got some exciting news for you or perhaps this is just an OPINION, but I bet there are lots of people who either share it, or at least are not THREATENED by it, so that they have to pull stuff out of their-wherever!,-HUN-people get together all the time and "get it on" without being married, engaged, living together or in a "committed" "real" relationship. And isn't always about fear or some other "bad experience" with a relationship.

HUN, the way you use the word "get it on" shows you have the wrong grasp of what it means....stop being reactionary and angry until you really understand



Son,let me speak frankly for a minute here- do you really have a whole lot of basis to be advising people about hetero relationships? I'm old enough to be your mother, and I wouldn't DREAM of offering romantic, dating,or sexual advice to gay people of either gender.

I know plenty of hetero couples and we talk about relationships. There are certain fundamentals that are universal with romantic relationships and there are specifics that are different. By your logic, you shouldn't give advice to younger couples or couples from other countries, etc..because times have changed and culture varies.
Even if you've been around the block more often than roach doesn't mean you're giving the best advice. That's what trained experienced professionals are for. We're all just normal people shedding light on a situation. The OP can use his judgement to figure out which of the opinions is useful to him. Don't try to be a board dictator and decide who should voice their opinion.



I can speak to THIS matter because I can understand how a lot of women are now coming to have other life-affirming goals BESIDES marriage or a cohabiting relationship.
Some of them probably have never been hurt and therefore are not fearful. Some of them may be women who were in a relationship or marriage and made a carefully considered decision to end that situation that is NOT a "knee-jerk" reaction to to some experience of being hurt.

yeah, of course, there are women who aren't hurt/fearful....In fact, I have acknowledged that already , multiple times...but the point is those type of women will never get it on with the OP....

HUN, I'm not even going to bother with the rest and do a point by point rebuttal, you're just full of hot air, defensive, jumping to your own conclusions...some people no matter how old they are, they never learn
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Does she really want to be single
Posted: 11/1/2011 10:38:56 AM

Kanlai your first post only offered the options of her being emotionally scarred or a slut. Bit by bit you are morphing what you said but moraima called you out on what you did actually say.

I'm with the ones that say find out exactly what being single means to her.

ok, you and whatever her name is are interpretting this literally...
they are examples on how to make his decision , two different scenarios and how he should deal with them.
One shows that she does want a relationship, but afraid..
The other is an example of someone who really doesn't want one
there are million other possible reasons, but it all falls under those 2 categories.
either way, he has to dig deep to find out what the reason is
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Does she really want to be single
Posted: 11/1/2011 9:06:27 AM
I said:
the original poster just wants to get it on with this woman and he should look for, someone who "wants a relationship", but suppressed her needs due to fear. If she claims it's some other reason (such as I'm happy being alone), then it's pointless to go after her.

according to her, that translates to :
all people who are happy with their single lifestyle are doing so because they are afraid, and it hits a nerve when it is questioned.

Can someone explain to her the difference between those two comments?
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Does she really want to be single
Posted: 11/1/2011 9:01:15 AM

Op never mentioned that the women is suppressed her needs due to fear for a relationship.

don't you get it? The Op wants to get it on with her, that's his goal..
of course he didn't mention it because he doesn't know the reasoning behind her preferrence to stay single.
It could be a variety of reasons...and it's for the Op to find out what the reason is ...
and if the woman really wants a relationship, but refused to consider it due to fear/trust issues, then he has a chance.


So according to what you think, all people who are happy with their single lifestyle are doing so because they are afraid, and it hits a nerve when it is questioned.
Guess you and people who assume they know why people live single is for negative reasons, know better than the people know themselves why they want what they want. Using the word "hun" just completes the negative attempt to put down anyone who doesn't think as you do. I too often see certain posts address others in the threads as hun when that person has a different opinion there their own.

Imo, the OP is asking can be women changed in this circumstance, or should he just give up. I think most of us know that people can only change when what they are doing no longer works for them.

HUN.. ..I've never mentioned once that "all people who are happy with their single lifestyle are doing so because they are afraid" ....You probably pulled that out of your rears. Read my posts again, if you still don't understand it, get a tutor to help you. Stop interpreting my post in your convoluted way and put words into my mouth. I'm using hun in a negative way because you are someone who just doesn't listen, argues, put words in my mouth..pull s*** out of thin air.
You better look in the mirror while you talk because you're the type of person who can't stand a different opinion. Your first reponse to me is already one that is rather stand-offish...so I really don't need to consider being friendly to you at all because you don't deserve it, HUN!
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Should you warn a girl that you have never been on a date prior to dating
Posted: 10/31/2011 10:55:38 PM
I just love topics like this...so cute and innocent...
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Does she really want to be single
Posted: 10/31/2011 10:00:05 PM

Wow. So not too many people in this thread get that some people are happy with their single lifestyle.

I can only guess that these same people have never been happy with a single lifestyle, so they don't get it.

Believe it or not, there are men and women who don't want to give up being single simply because they are happy as single people. Sure they date sometimes for a while. It doesn't mean they are looking to give up being single.

If people want to say that others who want to stay single have been hurt, therefore they are afraid, then I guess that is the only reason they can understand. Yes, for some people that may be true. However, other people enjoy being single and not having to answer to another person, share a home etc. They have there lives exactly the way they want it. They try to be honest with other people, but other people can fathom it, so they assume the person has either been hurt or isn't telling the truth.

Imo, someone who has been single for ten years may be single because that is what they enjoy at this point in their lives.



I don't know if you're insecure about being single or just dying to tell the whole world that being single is not a crime because it strikes a nerve...but I never said a man/woman cannot be satisfied being alone...you got it all wrong, hun

Let me elaborate, the original poster just wants to get it on with this woman and he should look for, someone who "wants a relationship", but suppressed her needs due to fear. If she claims it's some other reason (such as I'm happy being alone), then it's pointless to go after her.
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 28 (view)
 
What does Ready mean?
Posted: 10/31/2011 2:06:45 PM

I do find it kind of amusing/bemusing how many people "go with the flow" on dating, and put far less thought into it than they would if buying something trivial like a microwave and then later on struggle to figure out why they didnt get a happily ever after out of it

Its a bit like having a go on a raffle and struggling to understand why you didnt win the top prize

Unbelievable


with a microwave, you look for a few specifications and all you need to put out is the cash.
with a relationship, you have another being with needs and you have your needs, and alot of people don't even know what they need, they change by the minute, it just complicates the whole process, so people are too stressed out and confused to even think.
If microwaves are as high maintenance as people and actually have mood swings and run away if you don't satisfy his needs, people will just give up and not buy one at all. So they are already giving human beings more credit than they give microwaves.
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 202 (view)
 
Physically abused for the first time
Posted: 10/31/2011 12:09:23 PM
Alcohol turns the nicest people into morons....
Son beats mother, Man hits police, etc.....
People who never raises a hand at someone will do it with alcohol...
People make mistakes, but responsible people will try their very best not to make the same mistake again. If he is really that great in the last 3 years and willing to go see a counsellor, quit drinking, etc...I'd say give him a chance,
if he starts drinking again, whether he hits you or not, it's over because it's obvious he isn't trying hard enough...make sure he knows that..
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Does she really want to be single
Posted: 10/31/2011 11:48:13 AM


"do you even know why she wants to stay that way?"

First we hear that people don't want to believe what others say.

Then we hear that the person may not know why they want to stay single. All this looking for reason so that we can change their mind doesn't make sense imo.

Why can't we accept that if a person has made a decision to stay single, that they have thought long and hard about it, and know what is best for themselves?
After a ten year period, this is proof that it is working for her.

Wanting to stay single isn't a disease. It isn't something that needs fixing.

It sure beats jumping from bad relationship to the next bad relationship imo.


It's true...people are really not going to believe what you say when you're on a date..
because they feel that you're there to sell yourself like a car salesman, but she is not on a date with him, if she is an honest enough person, she'll tell you. Basically, the only answer you should accept is "the last relationship was terrible, don't want to be hurt again"...if she choose to lie or claim it's some other reason, then just don't go for it.

People make stupid decisions or live in denial out of fear.
They might know what they want, but choose to let it go because they don't feel confident about it. That's why we have people staying in abusive relationships for months and years. I know men who loves partnership, but choose to sleep around and not commit themselves to anyone because of ONE BAD EXPERIENCE...
fear and defense mechanisms can skew your decision.

if she's nothing special, then you're just taking a big gamble for a small reward, forget her..If she is the woman of your dreams...why not give it a try..you can still look for another partner before she changes her mind.
Not alot to lose except for a friend who doesn't seem that close to begin with.
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Should you warn a girl that you have never been on a date prior to dating
Posted: 10/31/2011 8:35:05 AM
sounds like you just want to hear from her that "oh, so it's your first date, ok, then feel free to act all weird and nervous" ...
sure, love...
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
What does Ready mean?
Posted: 10/31/2011 7:37:43 AM
ready means you know what complications/troubles are ahead and is prepared to deal with it/put up with it....If you haven't been in one, then you don't know...or you have an idea, but too afraid to deal with it..that's why you have been destroying your own love life.
Perhaps find out what you're really worried about,
fears about yourself or fears about others?
sometimes it's hard to know until you've tried it
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Toxic Friendship?
Posted: 10/31/2011 7:18:13 AM
If you've tried the above to no avail, then there is really not much you can do...
then you CUT HER OFF, tell her bluntly that she has issues and she's too much of a coward to face her issues...tell her she's selfish and ruining your life, tell her you're no longer friends and don't call you until she wakes up and act like an adult.
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Toxic Friendship?
Posted: 10/31/2011 7:14:02 AM
don't completely cut her off, I know you still care about her alot...and you are going to regret it because you're not a coldhearted b**** like some people..
distancing yourself too much, she will just engage in more extreme behavior to get your attention, sounds like she is just so confused and scared, she just want someone to be there with her like a babysitter, of course you shouldn't do that...because it won't make things better...

IMO, you should treat her like a 4 year old, because that's what she is.....Don't be nice...yell at her, give it to her straight, don't put up with this BS anymore, take control....it's obviously her family is useless and not helping...call up her doctor, tell her psychiatrist how crazy she has been because he certainly isn't aware of that and he never will be. I know here in Toronto, when someone has psychological issues and you feel threatened, there is a number to call to get counselors in and put her on some program...see if you can get something like that...
she's obviously not taking her treatment/psychiatrist seriously....she won't ever get better unless someone else steps in, get the right people involved and get her out of this vicious cycle
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 133 (view)
 
How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/31/2011 6:48:46 AM
his computer could've crashed..
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 120 (view)
 
Do you prefer someone complicated, or someone simple?
Posted: 10/30/2011 9:10:14 PM
what exactly is a complicated/non-so-complicated person...defined by?
All I know is, I don't like simple minded average guys who thinks like the next guy...
the world tells him to sleep around, he'll sleep around...
the world tells him life is all about having fun, cheating on your man is ok , then he cheats..
the world tells him that your partner needs to call every 3 minutes, then I'll have to call every 3 minutes, simple people with no mind of their own is scary...

All I can say is I don't care if he's complicated, not-so-complicated, not complicated at all in terms of personality, but he better be smart enough to make good judgement, can be reasoned with and not let the world drag him by the nose.
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
she's and alcoholic, dry for 11 years, I'm a social drinker, looking for advice...
Posted: 10/30/2011 7:28:53 PM
depends on how comfortable she is..
if she feels tempted watching you do it and she has to fight the urge, then I'd say stay away from it...
If she's at a point where it doesn't affect her, then drink
make sure she communicates and let you know if it starts to affect her...
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Being Needy and Clingy
Posted: 10/30/2011 6:05:24 PM
definitely, if you're in love, you couldn't wait to hear from each other....
that is unless you'd call her in the middle of an important meeting or keep in touch in such a way that gives her hardship and then freak out on her when she didn't reply according to your schedule. .....
Otherwise, she should be happy to hear from you just like a mother who is happy to hear about how her baby boy is doing. Just make sure your text messages/calls isn't in an excessive way, set a reasonable time limit per message/call that won't cause her hardship.
If she can't even deal with that, then she has to go...she doesn't really love you that much.
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 685 (view)
 
would you marry for money?
Posted: 10/30/2011 5:54:53 PM
I like men with money , but no way I'd take one who is not attractive to me.
Look at all the things you'd have to do in bed with him, it's just not worth it unless you're going to starve. I have a very weak stomach.
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Revealing Insecurities and Weaknesses
Posted: 10/30/2011 5:51:29 PM
I'd love to reveal things like this just to see if he's a little sissy who is get scared away easily or if he's going to criticize you for being a little insecure. It's a good test to get rid of the coldhearted, self-centered ones. As long as you're not revealing something like "i like to smack my woman when i get insecure", under the condition that it won't pose any immediate danger/threat to her, a good woman/man will be compassionate about your situation. Otherwise she obviously doesn't give a damn about you, it's time to sock it to her because she is not human.
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Does she really want to be single
Posted: 10/30/2011 5:41:41 PM
do you even know why she wants to stay that way?
If she was totally hurt by the ex, then there's a chance if you can make her feel good and gain her trust....but only if she really needs a man, but choose to live in denial...but this is alot of time and work...and even if you convinced her to fall in love again, who says she will fall in love with you?

If she wants to stay that way because she thinks being alone is free and easy, she can sleep around with a different guy everyday, then don't cross your fingers..

So either ways, don't put too much effort on her unless she's the woman of your dreams..
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Being Needy and Clingy
Posted: 10/30/2011 5:36:03 PM
maybe you should realize this...
if that b**** cheats on you, then she's a whore and certainly is not worth anything.
The only thing that you should feel bad about is that you didn't ditch her first and let her waste your time...
So, don't take it too hard, relax...
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
When do you give a guy your number?
Posted: 10/27/2011 1:34:50 PM
1) If you've been sounding confident, natural, direct and yourself all along, then giving him your phone number now shows him that you really are that forward, gutsy, laid back type...which you don't seem to be
2) if you've been sounding desperate, putting on a fake overly friendly tone, giving him your number validates that you're desperate...

do you even know why you're uncomfortable? why?
he can't do much with a cell phone number other than calling you..
if you're just not mentally prepard to let him hear your voice, then don't do it..you'll just end up sounding weird
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 35 (view)
 
judging a book by its cover
Posted: 10/27/2011 1:22:07 PM
that's human nature....most people, if they get to choose, will want someone who is beautiful inside and outside...
If you don't look good, then you've already failed..
How would total strangers know about your inner beauty? They only just met you/saw your profile on pof....they only have the looks to go by....if you're not attractive enough to grab their attention, they won't waste time getting to know you because that takes alot of time..
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
When Is A Mistake Unforgivable?
Posted: 10/27/2011 1:12:47 PM
Woman, you need a man without a huge ego who lets you **** all you want because it's your nature and you're repressing it and that side of you is gonna come out sooner or later......but you better take good care of that man because if you do nothing but ****, he's not going to be around for long.
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
When Is A Mistake Unforgivable?
Posted: 10/27/2011 1:05:54 PM
he has a huge ego,
you're a vocal, compulsive person who has to repress your personality to be sociable and ended up making things worse when you can't contain your frustrations and wrote him your email.

I'd say you just let this one go because vocal & ego don't mix. If this is your nature, you're going to be apologizing alot even if he keeps on forgiving you.
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 25 (view)
 
What is your opinion on younger women having children and dating?
Posted: 10/27/2011 12:43:11 PM

A male friend of mine met his wife on a train. She was four months pregnant and single. They married and he's raised her child like his own - he wasn't desperate; she wasn't a super model. They fell in love.


they are stuck on a train for like an hour or so, get to make a good impression, i really doubt she dumped that "i have kids, btw" on him right away when they just met on the subway.

But if you let the man know right upfront that you have kids before he's taken away by your charms....he better love kids like there's no tomorrow or better be than lonely for too long type or he's gonna run..
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Gay man who only falls in love with straight men
Posted: 10/27/2011 12:33:00 PM
Either you're a very competitive person and just want what's hard to get..to show that you're different/better than your gay friends...or subconsciously you think gay men are sub-standard/shameful...althought you tell yourself you're proud to be gay on the surface.

it all comes down to some complex you have..
because there are plenty of gay men out there who are no different from straight men.

but either ways, those guys aren't really straight...if they sleep with you, they are bisexual or closet gay
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
What is your opinion on younger women having children and dating?
Posted: 10/26/2011 10:40:12 PM
not everyone is the same, but yeah...alot of people don't want to deal with someone else's kids. They didn't come from his own sperms...and he probably thinks he might have to take on some of the responsibility for them, who knows if these kids are big trouble...and if he will have his own kids with you, it's going to be even more conflicts
The man doesn't know you yet, but he already knows what troubles are ahead.
You're probably screwed unless:
1) you are drop dead gorgeous, supermodel material
2) he loves children ALOT
3) he's desperate

Think about this....you want to grab a burger to eat...you only see a pic and don't know what anything on the menu tastes like, but one particular burger comes with 2000 calories, you'd skip right over that one too...
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Men who are divorced
Posted: 10/26/2011 10:03:47 PM
it depends, only the ones who got all banged up from the last relationship are more cautious. The ones who got all the benefits and got the boot or if they had the last one easy, why would they be more cautious? They'd want to jump onto the next one asap so they can have more of the good times.
Look at it this way..If your last dog bit your arm off and humped you in your sleep, you'd think twice about getting the next one. If your last dog makes you dinner, get you your slippers, do all the chores, greets you when you come home, you'd want to get a new one just like that ASAP.
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Wait or Not?
Posted: 10/26/2011 5:04:27 PM
if he really made a promise to himself not to get serious again..
it will be a long haul and he'll have to get to a point where he feels that he doesn't want to live without you to really flip the switch...and he will have to really trust you..
1 month isn't enough for someone like that to get over his emotional hurdles.

I'd say you keep hanging onto this "friend with benefit" and start looking for the next one.
It's only fair because he is really putting you into the "benefits" category, so that means you shouldn't be exclusive to him. Let him know that you think he's an awesome guy, but this is what you will do because you don't want to end up the loser with a broken heart. If he doesn't want you to see anyone else, then he truly does want to be yours, but he has a huge psychological barrier to climb over...but if he doesn't mind, then you are really far from being "an item" to him, so you're the only one who took this seriously, after all.
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Different countries
Posted: 10/26/2011 4:46:10 PM
...1/2 hour isn't long distance, it's not like a 6 hour flight that will disrupt his life in a major way...alot of people have to drive more than 1/2 hour from work to home....it's just a matter of getting past the border ...
if that little bit of trouble is just too much work for you or your man, then obviously there isn't that much interest in the relationship , so the distance is not the real problem

but eventually you'll have to come to agreement with which side of the border you want to be on if this relationship will get anymore serious....
 kanlai
Joined: 5/13/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Should I end the 2 year relationship over this?
Posted: 8/8/2011 5:42:15 PM
she wastes time on facebook flirting (or actually more than that) with other men...rather than getting the real thing, hitting to sack with her man.

she obviously knows that she's wrong so she's hiding it from you...but yet she keeps on doing it ...meaning this woman really has no respect for you.
and if she can show her naked pic to men on facebook, then she most likely
have the gumption to show it in person.

So it just says that she is a slut, it's in her personality......even if she hasn't done it with other men YET...she's obviously tempted to...

So if you really need a woman who will be faithful to you, then she is not the right woman......either ways, she is very immature and doesn't know what she wants out of this marriage...or she knows and it's not going to be in your favor.
I'd say she is a big risk if you're looking for happily ever after.
 
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