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 Author Thread: girls who say yes to wanting kids, guys say no
 AlwaysExpectMiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
girls who say yes to wanting kids, guys say no
Posted: 7/17/2011 7:03:51 PM
You are doing the right thing by passing them by. It's OK to contact whoever you want. It's even OK for them to contact you back. But you know where it's going to go...
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Is he a cave man or just clueless
Posted: 1/21/2010 9:12:40 PM
There are crazy people out there too, regardless their occupation.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Baby Talk
Posted: 1/21/2010 9:10:39 PM
It seems like we have very little control over the pitch of our "normal" voice. I had a male professor in college who had a very high pitch voice, higher than average female. He sounded like something's wrong with him, and - yes - your first reaction is like "When is he going to stop playing?" but he kept speaking like this year after year. I'm sure he was teased a lot as a teen.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
too busy with life / alot going on right now / sort my own life out
Posted: 1/21/2010 2:31:10 AM
If being sick or looking for work is a reason to not see you it means you are not welcome to participate in her life all that much. That kind of stuff never stops me from seeing who I actually want to see.
"Sorting my life out" usually means figuring out should I dump that other guy or not.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Make up your mind!
Posted: 1/21/2010 2:19:51 AM
Hmm, weekday mornings is somewhat unusual for a dating schedule. Most people work during that time and have their evenings free.

When they say they want a woman with career they mean woman with career not a career woman. There is a difference.
Maybe they also mean a woman who already found success in her career rather than struggling and squeezing every little bit of her free time.
Also, are they the same men who say they want a woman with career and those who complain that you work too much?
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
what does it mean when he says.......
Posted: 1/21/2010 2:08:30 AM
It means "It's you. There is nothing you can change about you that can change my mind. And I don't want to talk about it."
To answer the second part part of the question:" However, there is a slight chance that I might change my mind (aka get lonely), so if you don't mind hanging around for that you are welcome to sit and wait."
 Alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Is it ok to lie about how long you`ve been single?
Posted: 12/29/2009 3:41:45 PM
Lying is not a good idea. If you don't want to reveal it it is better to say something like "oh, a long long time..." and ask her a question back.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Interested or not?
Posted: 12/16/2009 12:04:14 AM
That's them teasing each other.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Why are a man's shoes so important?
Posted: 12/15/2009 10:56:30 PM
Well face IS more important than shoes. We realize that.
However, shoes are part of your appearance. Would you go to an interview in a pair of old worn-out slippers? I hope not. Even though your shoe-selection skills have no relation to your profession.
Unlike for the job interview, for a date, your shoes don't have to be the latest fashion, but they shouldn't look like you found them in the nearest dumpster. If they need duct tape may be it's time to part with them.

^^^ I like what David said.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
where do you go after being dumped by the perfect girl
Posted: 12/12/2009 12:44:03 AM
Find another perfect girl. They are not that uncommon, despite of what you think right now.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
How do I shake off One of the boys title?
Posted: 12/12/2009 12:33:52 AM
Being feminine doesn't mean wearing super short skirts and piles of makeup.
It's a plus, but not required.
Being feminine means putting your feelings ahead of theirs, but their thoughts and ideas ahead of yours. If you have a thougth, don't ovepower them just yet with your intellect. Speak of your feelings not of your thoughts.
Stop laughg at their crass jokes. I bet they don't make you feel fantastic anyway. What makes you feel good is being accepted as one of their friends. Well this is something you want to move away from. Don't be their buddy as you already know they don't date friends.
If you learn how to be feminine you can get away with a lot, b***yness included.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 36 (view)
 
what is normal and what is crazy?
Posted: 12/11/2009 11:39:22 PM
I belive for mature people, the best time to discuss your dating intentions is your very first date. And you should be able to re-visit the subject at any time. If you feel you can't - it's not a good sign.
Asking "where is this going?" in not a good question cause noone knows, there are two people in control of it, but they are not in control of each other. It takes two to tango. Each of the two can (and should) state their inetntions and provide their feedback on how they feel so far.
But relationship takes time to develop. Sorry that you feel pressured, but I feel that any relationship that's younger than two years should not turn into a marriage just yet. Just my opinion. Two years at least, no matter how old you are, if you intend to have children. If you don't want to have children then whatever, you can get married/divorced with any guy you happen to date, but if you want to have kids you may wanna make your marriage last.

I'll say it again - in a healthy relationship you shouldn't be afraid of talking about your relationship.

Just curious, where did the deadline "before 34" come from? You may have your own reasons, but it seems to me that "before 34" is just as good as "before 38" except it doesn't rhythme.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
How much do I have to "settle down" for kids?
Posted: 12/11/2009 11:18:38 PM
This is where I'm coming from: I'm a perfectionist. Especially when it comes to raising children. Ideally, you have to have an ideal marriage in which you give birth to 2.5 ideal chidren. Your husband have to have a stable well-paying job, you should have a stable part-time job, and 1/3 of your income should be spend on your living arrangements yadayadayada. You know. Life isn't always ideal, and it doesn't have to be.
I'm finally done with school, I'm making good money, I can do whatever the hell I please, unlike my married-with-children friends. I just wish I had another 10-20 years more of that, and then I'd be ready to settle down (umm, would i really?) and have children (OK that's the only reason why I could agree to settle down at a such "young" age - to be a good mom.) Yes, raising children would be interesting. That is, being in my 30s, if I want to have that experience I know I should hurry up (darn, I just stated living my life!)
How to decide? Where do you draw the line? Or it does it "just happen"? Well with modern birth control and its proper usage it doesn't "just happen" to some of us.

In other words, how does one grow up, and what does it mean?
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 107 (view)
 
Whats it like being single over 30?
Posted: 12/11/2009 11:08:28 PM
One-line answer: feakin' awesome!
A brief summary: I'm finally done with school, I'm making good money, I can do whatever the hell I please, unlike my married-with-children friends. I just wish I had another 10-20 years more of that, and then I'd be ready to settle down (umm, would i really?) and have children (OK that's why I could agree to settle down at a such "young" age - to be a good mom.) Yeas, raising children would be interesting. That is, if I want to have that experience I know I should hurry up (darn, I just stated living my life!)
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Starting out in the dating game after being married, any dos and don'ts please
Posted: 12/11/2009 10:57:40 PM


I've got kids so it's not that easy for me to go out all the time financially I don't have the cash and I don't really want men coming round here.

Why? Do you feel like you're being bought if he pays the expences of the first date? Allow me to let you in on a secret: if you say thank you and truly enjoy your time with him it SHOULD be enough of the reward for him. As long as it's clear to you: you owe him nothing but sincere "thank you".
Consider this: by constraining how much money he can spend on you on the date (by your indication that you want to pay at least half) you are cutting his b**s off.
Giving feels good. It should feel good. It's their time to give, don't take it away, learn to receive. If things work out, you will give back ten-fold.
As a woman who has a decent income (all to myself, no kids), may I suggest you reconsider your view of financial side of dating. You know, once I let men spend money on dates instead of suggesting I pay half, everything popped back in its place. I no longer find myself dating "complicated" losers, I enjoy dating and the guy I date enjoys dating me!
Another way to look at it, to make you feel less guilty: This world is unfair, and this is just how it is. You get to deal with all the downsides of being a woman (do I need to provide a list?), guys get to deal with the financial burden of initial stage of dating. If a date is your initiative - suggest something that doesn't require a lot of money - a walk in a park, a visit to an icecream place and so on. If he suggests a date at an expensive place its his responcibility to pay for it (but be ready to pay just in case, don't agree to super expensive stuff, it *will* make you uncomfortable).
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
 
How do you know if your comming on too strong?
Posted: 12/11/2009 10:25:17 PM
If she's not giving you her number but keeps talking to you it means she's still interested in you or in talking with you.
Keep talking (to her) and keep looking.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Getting over the fear of commitment
Posted: 12/11/2009 10:21:20 PM
What are you REALLY afraid of - a commitment or having to say "no" to somebody you don't quite like?
Think of it this way:
After the first date, all you need to know if you want to see her again. That's not much of a commitment, is it? If you want to see her again - ask for another date. If you don't want to see her again - don't ask for another date, say "it was nice to meet you", and if she happens to ask - say "I think we are both awesome people but I don't think we're a good match."
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
This is interesting
Posted: 12/11/2009 10:15:34 PM
Weapon of choice? I don't perceive it as a war. I don't need to win any battles cause I already won them all. I know I'm attarctive. Consider that my secret weapon.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
All the worlds an age, men and women are merely players.
Posted: 12/11/2009 10:11:17 PM
3 years difference is about equal line of age. And the older you get, less noticeable this difference will become.

It really does fade as the age progresses. Think about it:
4 y.o. and 1 y.o. - completely different stages
14 y.o. and 11 y.o. - still very different, but at least can talk to each other
24 y.o. and 21 y.o. - actually like talking to each other
...
....
44 and 41 - kind of look and feel the same age.
74 and 71 - which one of you is older? ah, whatever...

I dated a guy for several years who was 7 years my junior. We've met when he was 22 and I was 29.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
 
help please (don't delete)
Posted: 12/11/2009 10:01:58 PM
As long as you keep competing with him, she will keep being torn between the two of you. If I were you, I'd tell her "I like you a lot. But - Hmmm, turn out you are not as single as it seemed. Please call me back if and when you are single, and all other Xs are out of your consideration. Until then, let's part our ways. If it so happens that later on you are still single you are singe and I'm still single, maybe we cag give it another go. Till then - live with passion, bye-bye."
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 136 (view)
 
Taking his name....?
Posted: 12/10/2009 12:14:50 AM


Now I personally can't for the life of figure out why it's a problem.

I was about to think "Yeah, why should he care so much?" as you say


So I was hoping some people here could clue me in on some valid reasons why a woman wouldn't take their husbands name.

Million of reasons:
- I like my name, I got used to it over years.
- I don't want to change all my legal documents.
- I'm publically and professionally known under my maiden name.
- What, every time I get married I change my name? No thanks. Too much trouble.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
cures to thinking too much into things
Posted: 12/10/2009 12:05:23 AM
It sound like you don't really have problems, but you are trying to think of all sorts of potential problems and prevent them. There are thousands of potential problems out there, most of which never become reality. Don't waste your energy on solving problems that don't yet exist.



my mind will race, thinking he's mad at me for something, or he just randomly decided that he didn't want to talk to me anymore, and instead of telling me, he's just going to stop calling and texting completely

If he's mad but won't talk about it it's not your problem, it's his problem. You can't solve it unless he talkes about it. Trying to become mind reader is futile.

However, I think there is something to it. Maybe it's not just you, maybe it's the dynamics between the two of you. It's your first relationship, so it's hard to tell what's typical for you. I had only one relationship where I was feeling like you describe. It wasn't just me making it all up in my head, it was something in his behavior as well. Can't really tell what it was, but I felt anxious
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 25 (view)
 
how do i handle this?
Posted: 12/9/2009 11:48:59 PM
Don't rush to be there for him before he is there for you.

Sounds like he's using you for confidence boost and moral support. If he really wanted to make sure you stick around for a possible relationship, he'd find the time to text you at least to say hi.

It's better to stay away from married men completely. I say something along the lines "Contact me again when and if you are signle. If I'm still single at that time, we can take it from there."
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Why can't men stand up to domineering and controlling women?
Posted: 12/9/2009 11:32:04 PM


THen when he had had enough and was calling it quits, she intentionally got pregnant.

He had enough, but nevertheless, he had sex with her. She's not the only one responsible. Didn't he know that sex could lead to pregnancy?



when he pressed her to leave her husband she said "no"

I don't see why is it fair for him to press for that. Just because they slept with each other doesn't mean they get an ownership right for each other. He was free to go at that moment, but he decided to stick around.

It seems like he actively puts himself in bad situations. It's not a matter or not being able to stand up to people, it's not knowing when to leave.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
just wondering how I should even begin to drop hints
Posted: 12/9/2009 1:44:16 AM
Leave dropping hins to girls.
Inroducing yourself, asking a few polite questions is not too forward. It means expressing interest.
Saying something like "My name is Jake. I'll meet you at Thus-and-Such bar at 11 pm tonight" is too forward.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Dating/LTR
Posted: 12/9/2009 1:36:27 AM


I'm not sure why you would ever actively discuss such a thing.

It may be a good advise for those in their early 20s, who are too young to get into a real serious LTR and who's goal is to get relationhsip experience, but not a lifetime LTR.
But for those in their 30s .If you don't discuss it, you might easily find yourself in a FWB-LTR , or in a relationship that's not going anywhere.

Your first date is when you discuss it or have it otherwise apparent. Your intentions are clear / should be clear. It's your life direction. The rest is secondary. First you state your intentions and then you get to see if she is the right person. Otherwise you come across as wishy-washy or immature.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Going online to offline. How do you go about doing that and whats a good first date??
Posted: 12/9/2009 1:26:33 AM
Coffee shop is the best place for meet and greet. A public palce. It won't take long. If you don't like each other you have a good excuse to leave when the coffee is finished. If you like each other enough, you can continue the date to a dinner or a walk or both.

Movies is not good indeed cause you are looking at the screen not at each other.
Dinner is good cause if you are to be together you will be doing this activity together on a regular basis. If you hate each other's way of eating maybe you're not a good match.
Beach is fine by me. I don't mind half naked girls.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
The perfect kiss
Posted: 12/9/2009 1:19:13 AM
Connection.

Messages this short may not be posted.

It's not the technique. Different people like different things. It's the connection that's important. "Listen" and "talk" with your lips.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Difficult situation...
Posted: 12/9/2009 1:14:14 AM
Give him space if he find people condolence to be annoying.

You know that dating people from work is a bad idea, and this is a good illustration of why. You get to see them even if you didn't plan to see them, among many other things.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Sex within the First few weeks of knowing a guy???
Posted: 12/9/2009 1:10:32 AM
When you are asking him to wait, what are you asking to wait for?
If you say "we need to know each other a little better" it's good, but it's not enough, more precisely, it's not clear enough.
Since I've decided to be clear on what I require before having sex, I no longer have the issue of wondering where we stand. What I say is "I'm not confortable having sex unless we decide to be excusive. Also I'm not comfortable having sex unless we both see a potential continuity in this relationship and we want it to last for awhile." Those who just want a quick fvck tend to leave you alone at this point cause you're too much to deal with. Even if you have sex with them once and they disappear you feel like they've disappeared for a good reason and you don't regret. Those who actually want something serious seem to be happy with those propositions.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Picking up the girl for the first date, good or bad?
Posted: 12/9/2009 12:53:15 AM
For the first date, I'd prefer to meet somewhere rather than being picked up. If he offers I'm flattered but I'm politely turning it down, suggesting to get there separately.

I tend to be pretty fearless, but still I'd rather not be picked up by a complete stranger.

As for returning home if the date goes not well, when we are both nice and normal people, I'd assume he's be OK giving me a ride back home and I'd be OK accepting it. If he turs out to be completely creepy I can find my way home without his help (cab, bus, friend picks me up).

P.S. Why not "utyonochek?"
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Other city
Posted: 12/7/2009 10:34:55 PM
4hours is too long of a commute for a sustainable relationship.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
co workers
Posted: 12/7/2009 10:21:37 PM
He thinks you stole his stapler but he's afraid to ask you about it.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
I've been asked to wait till he is ready... (three times)
Posted: 12/2/2009 9:01:55 PM
Your most recent guy didn't promise you anything. "Not now" could mean "some other time" but it also could mean "Not now, not ever".

Don't live in the future. Live today.

Some people may fool themselves and others by saying that they are not ready now but they will be ready in the future.

Don't waste your life waiting for guys to be "ready". I mean, if they happen to get ready when you are still available then why not. Otherwise there is a high chence when they are "ready" they are ready but not for you.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
 
If you see a guy you know at a gay bar
Posted: 12/2/2009 8:16:44 PM
^^^ There is a difference between "being attracted to" and "being friends with".

OP - I woulnd't assume such things. I've been to gay bars myself on numerous occasions but I'm not homosexual. The crowd there tends to be polite and pleasing to the eye gay men tend to take better care of their appearance.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Why do girls cheat on Marine while he is deployed?
Posted: 12/2/2009 12:08:09 PM
To many, it may be too difficult to say "I will not wait for you. You are great guy, but I hate to see my life passing by while I'm waiting. I will not wait."
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
patience with the inexperienced
Posted: 12/2/2009 11:57:14 AM
Why do I have a feeling I've read this before?

Well clearly you and that woman had different expectations of each other. It's just as unfair of you to ask that she'd be undersanding of you if you can't be understanding of her. You might say you can't give her what she wants, maybe she say the same - she can't give you what you want.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Communication with a Female
Posted: 12/2/2009 12:51:25 AM
When a woman says "I feel..." it is perfectly acceptible to respond with "I think..." if you are a man. And the other way around - when you say "I think..." expect to get an "I feel" response.
I'm a technical person myself. I have to step out of that role every now and then, especially when I'm not at work.
Technical/factual people are not devoid of ability to feel. You probably felt sad, outraged, content, uplifted and so on at some point in your life. You know what it feels like to experienc an emotion. Emotions are not feelings. Emotions are short-lived. Feelings are more complex; they stay longer, but they are often based in emotions and in essence they come down to one thing: feeling is knowing something without having to think about it; it may also involve a physical sensation in your body (something like you feel your face is on fire when you are angry). When you're angry you know it very well, you don't need your logical thoughts to confirm it for you. Now comes the tricky part. After you feel something, you think about it. Should you feel that way? Is it fair to everyone? And so on... Here you go, now you are *thinking*.
Women (on average) are better at feeling than men. They had more practice. Culturally, they are more allowed to acknowledge their feelings and verbalize/show them. Don't try to beat them in their field. You are too logical for that, your "training" is different. You'll never win. Feelings are perfectly illogical. Instead, say what you think.



I would be particularly interested in knowing what a guy may have said, that you ACTUALLY kissed! lol

Sorry I'm not sure I get this part. Are you asking what to say in order to get a kiss? Ummm, whatever you were saying all evening long gets automatically summarized in our "feeling about you" compartment... It's not any particular one thing.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Giving up on others...
Posted: 12/2/2009 12:16:30 AM
Two thoughts:
1. You decided for yourself to be exclusive with her. And you are hoping that she is exclusive with you although you don't trust it entirely. A better idea may be to actually discuss it with her.
2. Once you BOTH decided to be exclusive with each other, it is a good idea to not date other women (duh). Try it out and see how it feels to be with her and noone else but her.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 30 (view)
 
How long would you just be in a committed relationship with someone
Posted: 12/1/2009 11:46:24 PM
Despite the popular opinion, I think it's OK to want more than just a never-ending dating stage. People want what they want. And it's not like you want something completely unreasonable. Of course, everyone should go at their own pace, but if his pace is 10 times slower than yours you won't be happy. I think 3 years is too long for what you describe, assuming that you always wanted more out of a relationship (as opposed to coming up with this idea last week). Generalizations are risky, of course, but I think - on average - if people don't want to move in together by the end of the first year it's a sign of being stuck.

Telling the guy that you want your relationship to evolve to the next level may be too vague. You might want to ask about specific things/events. Ask him, for example, what he thinks of moving in together.

 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
i need a males suggestion please...
Posted: 12/1/2009 11:08:31 PM
I think there are two separate issues here: one is your relationship with this man, and the other is his relationship with his ex.
He doesn't want to sleep with her. Most likely, he doesn't want to sleep with her because of her, not necessarily because of you.
He told you to not text or call when his ex is there. That confirms your relationship with him as a FWB relationship. Or, possibly, it describes him as somebody who's afraid of his ex. He can't tell her "Look, we've moved on, I'm in a relationship with someone else."
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
 
I contacted him first, he's polite and replies but he doesn't make conversation w/ me
Posted: 12/1/2009 10:59:27 PM
Nobody's forced to reply your e-mails. If he is replying at all he is somewhat interested. But look at it this way: do you like this style of communication? We can assume that he's not talkative/shy/whatever. Chances are he'll be like that for the rest of your relationship with him. If you don't like it already I don't see why bother continuing.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 25 (view)
 
What is your name?
Posted: 12/1/2009 1:59:15 AM


I look at it sometimes as a way of them tryin to break the ice or make you feel like you're the only one they're talking to.

Yeah, calling you by your username is much more misterious. LOL. And convenient. They can always copy and paste your username. With your real name, they'd actually have to look at your previous message... or - God forbid - write it down somewhere or remember it. Or would you rather them call you something generic, like "sweetie" or "honey"?

I sign with my name without them asking for it.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 105 (view)
 
Coupons and Dating
Posted: 12/1/2009 1:44:29 AM
Do not use coupons on your dates. Just don't. It makes the occasion very un-special.

I use coupons myself when grocery shopping, servicing my car, buying clothes and whatnot. I see nothing wrong with using coupons at ordinary circumstances of life.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 79 (view)
 
Current societal norms and roles in a relationship
Posted: 12/1/2009 1:10:55 AM
I don't see your post as chauvinistic. However, I'd like to refine it.

A dancing couple is a good model of a relationship. There is a leader and there is a follower. A good leader is useless without a good follower and visa verse. If both decide to lead, it won't work. If both decide to follow, it won't work either. One needs to lead, the other needs to follow. In most cases, men lead and women follow. It can work the other way around - woman leads and man follows, as long as both are good at what they are doing. They can even change lead and follow on the fly, but it has to be unambiguous.

Instead of gender roles, I prefer to think in terms of "male energy" and "female energy" of a relationship. In a successful relationship IMO one person is responsible for one of the roles, and the other is responsible for the other. In most cases, women constitute a female energy and men constitute male energy. But there are some happy couples where he's a female energy and she's a male energy. As long as the partners don't get mixed up in their roles they can be happy. As soon as they are mixed up power struggle takes place, and it's not pretty.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Loves you and wants to be with you but it isnt going to work????
Posted: 12/1/2009 12:02:09 AM
There is a person and there is a relationship with the person.
You = good.
Relationship with you = bad, and she sees no possibility for improvement.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
I'm so conflicted right now....
Posted: 11/30/2009 11:44:17 PM
She is with some other guy. She told you very clearly. You are correct, sitting and waiting for her is not a good idea. Who knows, maybe you'll meet someone more interesting very soon. You don't want to miss out on all other possibilites.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
how could he care today then not return my calls later?
Posted: 11/29/2009 10:04:28 PM
He got pissed off. He is no longer interested. He's got a short fuse. Find somebody who fits your communication style.
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
she said she has a boyfriend
Posted: 11/29/2009 10:00:02 PM
OK, who are we trying to fool now? She clearly showed some signs of interest, and you showed some interest in her too, and you went as far as inviting her for coffee. She understood you correctly. You responded with something like Now you you want to go even further and try to change it to "I wasn't interested in her to begin with. It's just coffee".
 alwaysexpectmiracles
Joined: 5/14/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Looking for your opinions on why it didn't work out?
Posted: 11/29/2009 9:37:07 PM
Nothing wrong with you, just not a match.
She (and you) tried it out, and she decided that it's not a match after all. Dating is like taking a train. Only the train's destination is specified very approximately. You board the train and you see if you like the direction you're taken. If you don't like the direction it doesn't mean there is something wrong with the train.
 
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