Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Any expectations of who would be attracted to you?
Posted: 4/26/2018 11:28:46 AM

Who do I think is attracted to me: Except for elite or exceptionally attractive guys, almost every guy I meet, married or single from age 16 to 40+.


Hahahaha! Ah! Youth!

I thought it would be more driven by what Igor said - what men expected who would be attracted to them. But, it turned out it was really more driven by whom they were attracted to or the shotgun approach, as he said.

The only one where I can be completely sure is my husband, and in his case it was somewhat logic driven, though also, of course, attraction based. I don't think that any sane man writes to a woman he's not attracted to.

He noticed that I had viewed his profile and as a result of a number of sophisticated logical deductions correctly surmised that this had to be so because I had done a search for men with his specific characteristics. Hahaha! This then encouraged him to write to me, which he otherwise might not have done because he lived approximately 200 miles away.

As it turned out, he was not only the kind of guy who I THOUGHT would write to me, originally, (until I was sadly enlightened of the horrible truth), but also the kind of guy who I had HOPED would do so - hence he is now my husband.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Do I need to be more patient in my LDR - or am I right to be cooling off?
Posted: 1/18/2018 11:15:47 AM
Where are you and where is the BF, and do you have a job offer where the BF is? Could the BF come to where you are?

This is just me, but I would not put a mere boyfriend before career and other decisions that are beneficial to me.

He could walk out of my life at any time. If I'm so important to him, he can put a ring on my finger. Why should I quit a job in a great location with great friends and a great lifestyle if he's not willing to do that.

This guy is not even sure he want's to move in with you, and you're considering rejecting a great job offer for him? I wouldn't do that.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Message response rate
Posted: 12/7/2017 12:50:20 PM
That's funny. Four out of five of the last weddings I attended (including my own) were of couples that met through OLD. The fifth was of a couple that met at a work-related conference.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
How to know if a man is truly interested or not?
Posted: 12/6/2017 8:40:15 AM
He's not into you for anything other than an occasional lay. You're either one of a string of several women or he's in a relationship. He feeds you pretty words to keep you interested enough and then he comes to see you right before you're breaking it off to keep you on that string.

If a man is into you, you won't be able to beat him off with sticks.

You're a young, beautiful women. How come you don't know this?
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
You know what I want haha
Posted: 12/6/2017 4:29:26 AM
Wow, argh!

So, you're this good-looking guy, but you're basically a recluse, is that what you're saying?

Is that your house in the third picture? If so, congratulations on your interior decoration, that's a beautiful room! Also, is that your art on the wall, which is also amazing?

But . . . here's for the bad news, you're going to have to make some effort to come across as not a total recluse in your profile. How are you going to find a woman if you never leave the house. They will seriously not come to YOU the first few dates. You're going to have to be willing to take her out a few times, so, wrack your brain and find some activities you'd be willing to do with her until you can get to know her enough to lure her to your beautiful abode and feed her organic vegetables and live happily ever after.

Also, you MUST know some people who will hold the camera and click the button a few times so you can post some pictures of yourself. Please.

I'm getting this sense that you have a lot to offer the right woman, but you're the world's worst salesman when it comes to packaging this particular product. Just pretend this is are your professional skills you're selling, or your DYI or vegetable raising skills. You have to find some enthusiasm about this, or it's going to be really painful. Or maybe imagine that you're telling the world what's great about your daughter.

Oh, speaking of which, you should tell women how often you have your daughter. That's important information.

Hope this helps.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
A question of etiquette...
Posted: 12/3/2017 2:02:18 PM
Until you're in an exclusive relationship, don't get them anything. You said it yourself, you don't want a show from somebody you hardly know, and based on what that dude you dated said, apparently neither did that one. So, it seems that less is more.

Wait until you know them better and are the "girlfriend."
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Clear common signs that a guy is truly interested
Posted: 11/28/2017 12:10:40 PM
There are no guarantees and no instant relationships.

If you need certainty you are not ready to date. A man's intentions will reveal themselves over time. The more clarity you have about your own intentions and boundaries, the better off you will be. All you can do is follow your own sense of integrity and comfort.

Otherwise . . . what Aintnodeal said.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 308 (view)
 
What stops a man from cheating?
Posted: 11/15/2017 10:50:50 AM
He does.

If he wants to.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Do Be Do Be Do
Posted: 11/9/2017 12:41:46 PM

Well, yeah, the "Or Else" statement tends to make that easier. ;) [kidding]


I think he only lost it because there was no such thing. Most stubborn guy you'll ever meet! ;)

It was more the fact that his doctor informed him of his blood glucose, which was 380.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
drama-free
Posted: 11/9/2017 6:23:27 AM
The best substantive answer to this is the one that deals with how you respond to life's stressors. Everybody occasionally encounters stressful events, and some people respond to those in ways that are more adaptive and less dramatic than others. Even a drug-addicted teenager or similar person in somebody's life can be handled in different ways - some better than others in that they reduce rather than add to the stress level.

The OLD answer to the question is that if you encounter any mention of drama in an OLD profile, either as a claim "I live a drama-free life" or as a demand "No drama!" you can safely click next because the owners of such profiles are usually drama queens who are trying to fool you into thinking that they are not.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Do Be Do Be Do
Posted: 11/8/2017 11:09:49 AM
Pig is right.

Obviously, losing weight is not going to magically deliver a woman to your doorstep, but it will increase the number of women attracted to you. You are very cute. And men lose weight very easily. My husband lost 80 pounds in less than a year after I met him. Based on your pictures, it looks as if you're already on the right track, so keep doing what you're doing.

Great photography, too!

Women are attracted to confidence and men who have things going for them. The better you feel about yourself, the more this will come across in your interactions with women, and that's what will make you more appealing.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Would you meet someone whose profile says they are 10 years younger than they actually are?
Posted: 11/8/2017 10:58:15 AM
It would be a deal breaker for me.

I don't really get the point, either. So, he put 51 in his profile, and then before you could meet, he said he was really 61? What????

What did you end up doing, OP?
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Talking for 7 weeks. Now she is on here.
Posted: 11/2/2017 11:21:52 AM
SEVEN weeks of talking and not meeting is almost certainly an utter waste of time. This woman will never meet you. People who are available to meet do so within a week or two, or they never do.

Next time, connect and then propose a meeting within a few email exchanges. If the woman in question hems and haws, let her go. People who are real, meet in real life.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Eyes or Chest - Where to Look?
Posted: 11/2/2017 8:01:06 AM
Can't win for losing, I suppose. :)

The only time I was ever completely stymied by a bunch of tattoos was when I encountered this guy who was covered in Things 1 and 2 from the Cat in the Hat. It was not in a dating context. But if it had been, I definitely would not have known what to say.

I never thought about this until now, but now I'm wondering if he had a Thing on his . . . well, thing. Pretty sure if it had been in the dating context I would have been wondering this a LOT sooner.

Haha, as you can see, I've been giving your conundrum a lot of thought.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 135 (view)
 
Not as interesting as you think
Posted: 11/1/2017 12:28:46 PM
Happiness is pretty much an inside job. If you weren't already pretty happy with yourself before you got into a relationship, you're not going to be very happy in one (once the bright shiny endorphins of the first few months wear off), either.

This goes for men and women equally.

That's why one of the things I mentioned in my profile was that I was responsible for my own happiness and why one of the things I found so attractive about my husband was that he was generally a very happy guy. Obviously, everybody has bad days here and there, but it's important to note people's set point and outlook.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Eyes or Chest - Where to Look?
Posted: 11/1/2017 11:54:23 AM
So, this is probably an individual thing, like everything else, I would assume.

I have one tattoo that is visible to the casual observer in the summer. It's on my ankle.

If you're mentioning it, I will know that you've looked at my ankle. So, only mention it if you're comfortable with me knowing that you've looked at my ankle. Obviously, we're not living in Victorian England, but, you're making a decision here. Just know the implications of it, that's all I'm saying.

It's exactly as you're assuming. If you're mentioning her boob tattoos, you're talking about her boobs. At least that is MY opinion of it. But, I'm not the person whose entire skin is covered in tattoos, so that might be a different story. Maybe if that were the case my tattoos would have a different meaning to me, and then you'd be talking about my tattoos, and not my boobs, if that makes sense.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
He asked for my number and never called
Posted: 10/30/2017 5:21:07 PM
I gave my number out because it helped ME weed out people I had no interest in meeting. But, yeah, some of them didn't call. I learned not to care.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
He asked for my number and never called
Posted: 10/30/2017 5:11:39 PM
Just let it go. 90% of the people you chat with will not lead to a phone call, 90% of the people who call you will not lead to a date, and 90% of the people you go on a first date with will not lead to a second date.

This is just the nature of online dating. If you cannot deal with that, you are not cut out for this type of dating. It's a learning curve, but it's really best to not invest any kind of emotion in people until probably date three or four.

Until then they are strangers to you, and you need to exercise a certain level of detachment. Otherwise you're just going to go nuts, and this really isn't worth it.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 410 (view)
 
Why do older Men think like they are teenagers. Wanting to know about Sex first?
Posted: 10/30/2017 2:01:35 PM

Women need to be their own husbands, if they don't have or want to have a husband, so that they can do whatever maintenance they need to do on their homes. Home renovations are so much more fun than say knitting.


Women need to make their own money, so that they can do whatever they want. I have no interest in doing my own maintenance, and this would be true whether I'm married or not. My husband has no interest in it, either. We pay people to do these things because we neither enjoy them nor are we good at them. It's a waste of our time and money to try to do them because our hourly rate is much higher than that of the person who fixes whatever needs to be done on the house.

Knitting is fun, although I'm not doing much of that these days, either. Right now, I like to exercise and do outdoorsy things when I'm not working.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Proper Messaging Etiquettes?
Posted: 10/26/2017 1:27:42 PM
I agree with the ones who said stop wasting your time and theirs with useless questions and just ask them out.

If they're interested in meeting you, they will, and if they're not, you're better off knowing it sooner rather than later.

Times have changed. Nobody is interested in endless online back and forth anymore - at least the ones who are interested in meeting real people aren't. The ones who want to chat don't meet. The ones who want to meet don't chat.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Why is BBW a euphemism for morbidly obese?
Posted: 10/25/2017 5:42:15 AM
It's inflation.

Just like you are calling yourself a few extra pounds, when it's at least fifty, they're calling themselves BBW, when it's at least a hundred.

At least they have the excuse that in this site, there's nothing higher than BBW. What's your excuse?
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
POF is bottom of the barrel
Posted: 10/9/2017 2:20:48 PM
Is there a reason you haven't bothered to rotate the only picture you've posted?

I've met my husband here so I can't agree that there are NO good men on there. However, it did take a long time to meet him, and I certainly put in a lot of effort until I did.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Boken-hearted - just need a shoulder for a bit....
Posted: 9/2/2017 11:31:14 AM
It's hard to form an opinion without knowing how long this was going on, but obviously he does not want to be on his own if he's already looking for the next one.

It sounds like he was love-bombing you and then when the first bloom was off the rose he went off to look for the next one. Very sick individuals like to do this sort of thing. It had nothing at all to do with you.

Beware of the ones who come on too strong. Intensity does not equal intimacy.

If this is what it was, none of it had anything to do with you. He was just playing out his script. Just realize that nothing he told you was real. It will make it easier to move on.

I'm sorry this happened to you!
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
New to OLD, hoping for a critique of my profile
Posted: 7/24/2017 5:29:24 AM
You need ALL new pictures.

Everything the other posters have said about the one with the woman is true, so, I would get rid of it. You need a couple of recent, well-lit, high quality portraits and a couple of recent, well-lit, high quality full body shots. Everything else is gravy. No old pictures, no blurry shots like the Forbidden City one, no annoying Where's Waldo group shots, no pictures with other men that could be perceived as being cuter than you - see Forum's remark above.

Just ask a friend with a camera to take a few pictures of you in a bunch of different outfits, informal and formal. If you take enough pictures, there will be a few good ones, and every cell phone has a fantastic camera these days.

Your first paragraph sounds like bragging, and what's up with that LOL?

Don't say you're not into drama because that usually means you're a first rate drama queen and we all know it.

Right or wrong - airline pilots have a reputation of being players and unavailable due to frequent travel, so anything you can say to come across as stable would be good.

You haven't said anything about the status of your impending divorce, and that's crucial if you're separated.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
ACKNOWLEDGING BIRTHDAYS
Posted: 7/22/2017 10:35:50 AM
It means he keeps lowering the bar and you keep accepting ever decreasing scraps. His feelings? He doesn't have any. He's having sex. A man who cares about a woman doesn't treat her this way.

You're not a girl, you're a grown woman, ask yourself why you're ok with this.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Casual dating advice
Posted: 7/20/2017 10:38:40 AM
Respond to the texts where he makes a date and not to the other ones.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 68 (view)
 
Effort in a relationship
Posted: 7/19/2017 4:52:48 AM
In your own words, OP: "He really is a kind person, but not what i need. "

So, what are you waiting for?
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 199 (view)
 
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 7/18/2017 3:36:48 AM
The OP has issues with her looks for some reason, and invariably finds men who confirm her low opinion of herself. Then, instead of dumping those guys because, clearly, a guy who is not attracted to her is not a good fit, she comes here to whine and ostensibly to figure out a way to make it work.

I've had A-cup breasts all my life, and while some men told my my breasts were too small, a lot MORE men liked them just fine. Not ALL men love or require large breasts.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 65 (view)
 
horror films, what are the best?
Posted: 7/6/2017 9:36:58 AM
A good one I saw recently was "The Babadook."
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Is your SO's number of past sexual partners an issue for you?
Posted: 7/2/2017 8:32:15 AM
Beyond present STD status, which should be determined before you have sex, prior sexual history is nobody's business, and this post is precisely why it's a bad idea to share it.

I would have no patience with a guy who pressed me for this information. I would not have shared it, and if I had and the guy was acting like this, I would stop seeing him.

By the same token, I would not ask a man about his history, nor would I be interested in a guy who tried to impart this information without me having asked for it.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Please Review - Thank You
Posted: 5/30/2017 5:58:02 AM
I think casting your net wide is best. OLD is a numbers game. If you do dress up at times and engage in activities that require it, it is best to have pictures that reflect this because actions/pictures speak louder than words.

You also have to think about the woman you wish to attract.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Please Review - Thank You
Posted: 5/29/2017 8:35:43 AM
As the others have said, sarcastic is not a good quality, at least not in the abstract, and will probably get you a next from most people.

Also, you should specify the ages of the children living with you. Wouldn't you want to know, if the shoe were on the other foot, if the children were five and seven or fourteen and sixteen?

Your pictures aren't bad, generally, although it would be nice to see you smile in some of them. You look at little miserable, given all the fun activities.

For your main, you absolutely need a close up head shot. Your main as it stands is much too far away as a thumbnail to garner interest.

Overall, given that you are an attractive guy and seem to lead a fun and exciting life, I think you could have done much better painting a picture to that effect. I liked to read profiles that captured my imagination and made me see how I could fit into that man's life. As it stands, your profile does not do that.

You are also very recently divorced, so many women will pass you by for that reason. If you were separated for a while and lived on your own prior to the divorce, you might want to mention that to offset the fear that many women have of becoming your rebound.

P.S. My son races on the same track. Given that you own a Porsche, you might even know each other. :)
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/25/2017 3:22:15 AM
I'm not really understanding this. You said you were dating exclusively from the beginning? But now you want to know after a month whether it's a relationship? So, how do you distinguish dating exclusively from a relationship? And why does it matter what label you give it if it's exclusive anyway?
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Dating to Relationship
Posted: 5/24/2017 12:11:25 PM
^^^^^^^^

Hahaha, that's exactly what I was thinking, too.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Equality & Chivalry. Feminism & Femininity. Man & Gentleman
Posted: 5/24/2017 4:37:55 AM
Chivalry.

A gentleman is a social construct that some claim has no place in today's world. But, some men do enjoy acting in gentlemanly ways around women they wish to charm.

It's kind of early here for popcorn . . . .

Boy, did you open a can of worms! :)
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Too much attention to his grandkids?
Posted: 5/19/2017 4:11:56 AM
It really doesn't matter what WE think is reasonable. It's not about who's right here. There's no right or wrong. The only thing that matters is whether the two and of you can find a livable compromise.

It sounds as if that will be difficult because you DO seem to think that he's wrong for wanting to spend his free time as he wants rather than as you want. So, maybe there is a fundamental difference there.

How much longer does he have until retirement? Maybe after he retires and his time frees up it will be easier to meet your needs as well as his.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
What exactly is the best etiquette/approach?
Posted: 5/13/2017 2:31:01 PM
The best approach is to be positive and engaging and realize that OLD is a numbers game and that you can't get butt hurt about every perceived slight.

Your profile is very negative and you're separated, so you're fighting even more of an uphill battle than most other people.

Most women do NOT email men first, so, you're probably going to wait for a very long time.

You say you wrote to TWO women and now you're complaining that neither one wrote back with a no-thank-you email.

I never understood, and never will understand why people insist on rejection notices, and, yes, in my early OLD days I did write to men quite a bit - a LOT more often than two emails, and I found that I REALLY didn't like hearing long (or short) explanations as to why they didn't like me. I so much preferred just not hearing from the ones who weren't interested in me. But, in any event, my preference really doesn't matter because once I hit send, it's up to the recipient to decide whether he/or she is going to respond, and my preference doesn't control his/or hers.

Furthermore, most women, including me, have found that writing polite no-thank-you notices leads to angry rants from angry men who, contrary to their stated preferences, actually don't like receiving them, after all, and once they do respond with vile abuse, so women stop sending them.

OLD is a numbers game for everybody, not just men. I went on over 100 dates before I met my husband, and of course that meant I responded to thousands of emails and corresponded and talked on the phone with hundreds of men. This was a process that took years and was often very frustrating. It's definitely not an instant gratification type of deal and not for the faint of heart.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Getting dates no problem but having problems with time wasters - left feeling confused ..help ?
Posted: 5/8/2017 7:08:19 AM
Like LadyinRed, I, too, had many, many first dates, until I finally met the one - probably about 100 over a 2.5 year period. The VAST majority of them did not lead to a second date. I would say out of the 100, maybe 20 resulted in a second date.

Of course rejection stings much more than doing the rejecting does, and at some point I felt as if I was constantly being rejected (as in, not asked out again by men I wanted to see again). I spent much time trying to analyze why this may be the case, what I might have done wrong, and what their evil motives might be.

Obviously, I came up with no answers, and I then changed my strategy and instead made a list of all the men who HAD asked me out again and whom I had declined to see again, as well as a list where the disinterest had been mutual.

As it turned out, there were many men that I had not been interested in seeing again, and many more where there was a mutual lack of interest, and the reasons for my lack of interest (obviously I cannot speak for theirs) was different in every single case. Sometimes there was a lack of physical attraction so dramatic that I knew it would never change (I'm not one of the people who need an instant spark, for me, physical attraction can grow over time); sometimes the men had lied about certain aspects of their lives, and lies are always deal breakers for me; sometimes there were other deal breakers that quickly revealed themselves; other times there were incompatibilities in terms of personality; sometimes the men were too pushy physically.

It was just different things, and not a pervasive issue that was the same for all of them.

So, OP, I would suggest that in your case as well, it may not have been the same for all the women that were not interested in seeing you again. You could of course, if you really wanted to know, try to find out what their motives were, but it's unlikely that they will tell you.

The fact is that OLD is a numbers game, and you'll probably go on a lot more first dates before you'll find a successful long-term prospect.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Women need to prepare, but is it too late?
Posted: 5/8/2017 6:41:03 AM
There are always going to be ***holes.

But, most men love women, and most women love men, and in spite of all the problems, we will somehow muddle through.

Times of chaos are also times of opportunity, and certain people will always thrive. For example, when certain German automobile manufacturers created chaos by cheating on their diesel vehicles, SOME people thrived . . . not naming names . . . just sayin'.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 76 (view)
 
Update
Posted: 5/3/2017 9:26:14 AM
This one has decided it's NOT a relationship. He actually told you that. Of course that doesn't mean he's going to say no to sex without commitment when you're offering it after he's been honest with you.

But it does mean that he now feels free to not treat you like a girlfriend, i.e. the decreased contact starting Monday.

Just like the other poster said up there, the slow fade.

It's up to you whether you're ok with this.

I predict that he'll continue to be available for sex, depending on whether you're going to created drama or not. If you'll happily go over every weekend (or every other or third weekend to make room for the other women he wants to "date") and don't make demands in between, you'll probably still see him, but that's all he'll be available for - because he's so busy with work and the new house (eye roll).
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 33 (view)
 
friends zone, next stage, then back to friends zone.
Posted: 5/1/2017 8:43:22 AM
The more you write the more she sounds like a whack job. But, you like it that way, so nothing anybody can say is going to deter you from pursuing her.

Not sure why you asked.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
friends zone, next stage, then back to friends zone.
Posted: 4/29/2017 6:46:02 AM
It all sounds like way too much drama to me.

You set your own boundaries. I wouldn't try to overanalyze what she's thinking. I'd be asking myself if I'm ok with all this dramatic back and forth.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Whenever they feel like it, like women do
Posted: 4/26/2017 10:45:52 AM
Well, men are not some amorphous primordial ooze that all do the same thing. THIS man told you that he does not consider himself in a relationship with you. You can now decide what you're going to do about it.

In my experience, these fast and furious things don't always tend to last very long, but, clearly that's not everybody's experience.

In any event, you now know where you stand, and you can decide whether you're going to be one of many or draw back a little (or a lot) and see what he does.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Date has staring problems?
Posted: 4/24/2017 11:22:51 AM
^^^^^^^^^

What he said.

I would only add that if the "women" he apparently found so irresistible were mostly teenage girls, he's a perv as well as a cad and I would definitely stay away from him if I were you.

But, really, all you need to know is that he didn't pay enough attention to you on a first date . . . and that's an automatic next.

I really have no problem with a guy who looks every once in a while. Everybody looks every once in a while. It's human. But the behavior you describe is rude, inattentive, potentially pervy . . . AND . . . it means he wasn't that into you.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Woman invites me to her place to meet (date?) for the first time. Good or Bad idea?
Posted: 4/24/2017 6:12:29 AM

I like working out to stay healthy, love the outdoors, fishing, camping, BBQ gatherings, traveling, I love nature, adventure, sunshine, the nightsky, warm weather, hanging out on weekends, etc. I'm not looking for drama.


OP, this is from your profile.

Apart from all the points others have made regarding your safety, why would you be interested in a woman who allegedly has such severe back problems that she can't even leave her house to go to a nearby restaurant, which is utterly incompatible with your lifestyle?

You know NOTHING about this "woman" with whom you've had a fantasy online fling for two months.

She's dangling that wedding like a carrot, but is refusing to leave the house for a coffee?

I would stop the madness and insist that she meet me for that coffee at the corner. If she refuses, you'll have your answer.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Exclusively dating for 5-months, he appears as online today
Posted: 4/19/2017 12:29:49 PM
I was in the exact same situation with my husband. I just called him up and got it over with. It's not that big a deal, or it shouldn't be, unless either one of you is hiding something.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Exclusively dating for 5-months, he appears as online today
Posted: 4/19/2017 12:13:18 PM
Both. You say why you were checking his profile for the birthday present, and that's when you noticed that he had been online because otherwise it looks like you were checking up on him. You then might bring up that you are no longer spending time online because you guys have decided to be exclusive, and you are no longer looking. And then you say, and by the way, how do you feel about taking down our profiles. It really doesn't feel right to me having them up anymore, or however you want to say it (if that's what you want to say).

Of course you can't freak out, that will defeat the whole purpose of not creating drama, plus, if you're freaking out, you will not be able to observe his reaction. This is really more about his reaction than anything else.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Exclusively dating for 5-months, he appears as online today
Posted: 4/19/2017 8:58:30 AM
You're sleeping with the dude, but somehow you think it's a confrontation or awkward to mention that you saw him online? Why is exposing your body ok, but talking to him not ok?

It's only a confrontation if you make it one. Don't be confrontational about it.

Just say what happened, and that you would like to talk about what to do about the profiles. If he refuses to take his down or at the very least hide it, obviously that's a problem.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Exclusively dating for 5-months, he appears as online today
Posted: 4/19/2017 8:45:05 AM
Or, you could . . . and I know that sounds like total crazy talk . . . just talk to him.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Exclusively dating for 5-months, he appears as online today
Posted: 4/19/2017 8:09:09 AM
Don't talk to us. Talk to him.
 
Show ALL Forums