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 Author Thread: California women: fact or myth?
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
California women: fact or myth?
Posted: 10/17/2006 1:30:22 AM
Ok, I gotta tell you, I've had apartments in 10 states and yes there is a smattering of loony tune gold diggers in LA with really nothing to offer. However, it is not by any means the greatest per capita I've seen, go to ANY coastal Florida city and you'll see what I mean. As far as the other stereotypes, well they might seem more prevalent in the online dating pool because frankly these are considered red flags by a lot of guys. Tofu eating... ie: Vegetarian or vegan, lets face it a rare commodity among straight men, most guys over 25 years old have little interest in the whole restaurant ingredient interview process that comes with this. Shallow, again another quality that'll kick a girl back into play pretty regularly. Self-centered, well duh.

What I see in this city is too many people that either settle for anything, or put themselves in a position of self alienation. It is rare to see a single girl in this town, that is not either in a hurry or if she does settle her stride to the mosey level she's talking on the cell phone, and ironically often about not being able to meet anyone. Yet a whole other cross section seems strangely paired with what seems a completely inappropriate partner. A nice dress and heels with a cuddling arm around the guy in flip-flops and a Schlitz hat.

LA is a hard city to meet people in. One thing I noticed when I moved here originally and was reminded of when I moved back a year and a half ago, is that because the cost of living is higher, other things slip into the realm of insignificance. As a portion of income, entertainment is cheap here, little electronic do-dads are everywhere. Laptops, broadband, TiVo, feature laden cell phones, video games, you name it. It would be hard for a store like Frys to survive in most metro areas, here there are lots of them and we think nothing of it.

So what we DO end up with here that is unique to Southern California is a means of effectively entertaining ourselves until something in our instincts triggers and all of the sudden people get all wigged out and desperate that the other side of the bed is empty. Relationships tend to be more opportunistic here because of this. And because of that women here seem to be either very calculating or an emotional mess and not much in between, but again this is because the society here encourages that. Women here tend to be quite picky and superficially specification oriented when things are going well, but will throw themselves at anything in the vicinity when things are going bad.

So if you are good at being opportunistic, LA probably seems like it's full of easy women, if you're not it probably appears to be full of gold diggers, but the reality is the city is really full of a lot of people that are just simply in self isolation with no effective social structure to meet each other.
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 38 (view)
California men: Fact or myth?
Posted: 10/16/2006 2:14:52 AM
My standard rule is that you have to make it through a full change of seasons with someone before you know them. Some get the straying itch in the spring, some go through low self esteem in the summer, some are depressed in the fall, and others freak out around the holidays. The two women I was with for more than a year represent almost half of my life. No other woman made it 6 months before she flipped out about something, shame a couple of them were really nice girls in the beginning.
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
Posted: 8/27/2006 12:58:57 AM
Um, "drama" isn't baggage, "drama" is self sabotage for attention. In the following examples Person1 shall represent the currently sane person who has not succumb quite yet to being driven insane by the "drama" and thusly being moved out of the sane category in the dating pool. Person2 shall represent the administrator of said "drama", lets run the tape shall we...

Example 1 - Never a Right Answer - Day 1:

Person2: I'm hungry
Person1: Do you want to pick something up at the store or go out?
Person2: I don't care, what do you feel like?
Person1: I'm not all that hungry, whatever is fine.
Person2: Oh forget it!

Day 2:

Person2: I'm Hungry
Person1: Chinese?
Person2: Nah not really in the mood.
Person1: Burgers?
Person2: I was thinking something sit down.
Person1: OK, you pick
Person2: Why do I always have to pick?



Person2: I'm hungry
Person1: OK, I've got just the place...
Person2: Where?
Person1: It's a surprise.
Person2: Here?
Person1: Yea, you love this place.
Person2: I just wanted a burger or something.


Person2: I'm hungry
Person1: *sigh* Um...
Person2: What is that all about?
Person1: What?
Person2: You! You rolled your eyes at me.
Person1: I..I dunno
Person2: I want something to eat!
Person1: Mexican? French? Thai? Madagascar suckling pig?
Person2: Loose the attitude.

Example 2 - Forced Jealousy - Day 1:

Person1: How was your day?
Person2: I had lunch with Jim from work.
Person1: How'd it go?
Person2: That doesn't bother you?
Person1: Should it?
Person2: No!
Person1: I trust you, I should trust you, right?
Person2: Of coarse!


Person1 comes home to Person2 and Jim in the pool together.

Example3 - Voice Mail:

You have 10 unheard messages...

Message 1 Monday 5:45 PM:

Hi, baby miss me? Just wanted to say Hi!

Message 2 Monday 5:47 PM:

Where are you? I miss you.

Message 3 Monday 5:50 PM:

Is it over? What did I do? Damn you!

Message 4 Monday 6:00 PM:

I'm sorry, I over reacted, working late?

Message 5 Monday 6:05 PM:

OK! Who is she you **stard, I'll kill her if I find out!

Message 6 Monday 6:07 PM:

I slept with Jim and I'm glad I did!

Message 7 Monday 6:12 PM:

I didn't sleep with Jim, really I didn't, I just don't understand what I did.

Message 8 Monday 6:15 PM:

Hey dude, you forgot your cell in the conference room I put it on your desk. Be safe Peace out.


This would be "drama", which is entirely different than "baggage", unless of course Person2 is now as psychotic as Person1 in which case the "drama" has become "baggage"....or the "drama" from Person2 continues to manifest itself into the daily life of Person1, in which case it is also "Baggage".

The lesson here, If everyone would just check their baggage the search wouldn't take so long.
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
Is a secret rendezvous needed in relationship once in a while?
Posted: 8/9/2006 3:49:11 AM
Well you are kind of vague about exactly what it is you are talking about, but I assume you are suggesting infidelity as a means of spicing up a relationship. If this is indeed what you are suggesting may I point out that you are eluding to using one of the leading motives for murder and one of the leading grounds for divorce as means of spicing things up a bit. OK, whatever, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If you are content with being with someone who would betray your trust in them, then by all means, have at it. An open relationship is quite a different thing, a relationship where one implies consent for such a thing, what you are suggesting is "secret" which eludes betrayal.

I may very well be wrong, but for me, if I was looking at a woman's profile and saw that she posted such a thing in the forums I wouldn't touch her with a 20 ft pole, no matter how good looking, how much in common whatever. A lot of societies condone mistresses and such, but these are societies where consent for such things is implied, it isn't in the US, not by a long shot. And that isn't what you are implying, you specifically refer to it as a secret. Remember what Benjamin Franklin said, "Three can keep a secret if two are dead".
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 69 (view)
gold diggers in orange county/south california!! any good ones left??
Posted: 7/22/2006 4:31:20 PM
OK, well I don't know how anything like living with mom, having a web cam, not paying their own bills, not living alone etc, has anything to do with a womans dateablity, it may make things more difficult, but it does not remove them from the adult dating pool. Sure there are a lot of woman in LA in these situations, and yes probably a lot more than most places. It's an expensive place to live. I know women in LA that rent rooms, have roommates, have their rent subsidized by parents, all kinds of strange living arrangements, it's the nature of the beast in a place that has one of the highest costs of living in the US. If you have the requirement that the woman you are looking for must have her own place, and have a perfect little life going, you are looking at a pretty small dating pool here.

One of the first things I noticed when I first moved to LA 10 years ago was how sensationalized the media is here. Everything here in the news is portrayed like a script from a movie of one form or another. It's legendary, I don't know of any other city that has had it's news parodied in movies. LA has had lots of it's news parodied, from Rodney King, to OJ Chase, the BofA robbery, the list goes on and on. The fact that LA Times would sensationalize singles figures with doom and gloom is no surprise. LA likes to make it self the epicenter of things even if it's bad dating.

Being single is difficult, we've politically corrected ourselves out of a functional courtship system. We've empowered women in society while very little progress has been made in evolving the rules of engagement. We've replaced social community centers with mini-malls. 20 years ago you dated customers, co-workers, the person you talked to at the counter everyday at lunch. Now this is a violation of company policy, sexual harassment, or a violation of personal space. We fill our lives with electronic time wasters, family and friends have no time in their busy lives to consider the needs of their singles friends, often it never even crosses their minds to introduce 2 single people in their lives that might enjoy the company of each other. So we regress to sitting behind a computer screen with our wish list hoping to find "chemistry" on the other end of our DSL line. And when you shop for relationships like you are shopping at Amazon, when the "product" arrives if it's not exactly what you envisioned, like the online shopping mentality that bore it, you send it back or throw it away.

Is it any wonder that men look for a woman that matches their vision of online porn and woman look for someone that can bank roll their online shopping experience? There is no chemistry only visual stimulation and virtually endless consumerism, this has become our drive and motivation, and shapes our requirements. Yet if you can actually get past that stage, past the initial comparison of stereo specifications, we seem to find all kinds of things in common, and often with people we actually have very little in common with.
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 64 (view)
gold diggers in orange county/south california!! any good ones left??
Posted: 7/22/2006 2:15:28 AM

according to the la times,in the singles guide,an also on aol . So cal is no 10,on scale to find a single woman,the scale is #1 thru 10,la being the worst,an I might ad 805,area code,where I own a house,Iam there in winter months,happens to be the worst in the nation,single men looking for a woman,,,,,,ventura county has 10 single men,for every 1 single woman,or should i say every 1 single bimbo golddigger,,,,I dont know where scorpio got his stats ,,,but they are WRONG. Iam going to ad,,,,denver colo, is no 1 in the nation for a man looking for a woman,,,also in la times,an aol

OK, I'm not sure where on earth LA Times gets a 10 single men to 1 single woman ratio statistic, Not even Alaska has that bad of a ratio and if there is anyplace in the US that would rank a 10 (10 being the worst) it would be there, and actually on a linear scale if Alaska was a 10 the second worst would be about a 6 Alaska being the only state that has more men than women.

Look at national, state and local census figures, the LA Almanac, and the US Statistical abstract. Nationally the US is 50.9 percent female, California overall is 50.2 percent female, LA County is 50.5 percent female and Los Angeles City including independent municipalities that are surrounded entirely by LA city and excluding the San Fernando Valley is 51.2 percent female. Now factor in the fact that while figures on this get somewhat sketchy estimates for the homosexual male population for this geographic area are estimated as high as 15% though more normally accepted as being more in the 8-10% range, and the homosexual female population at only a quarter of that, you end up with some of the most favorable male to female ratios in the country. Where LA Times could come up with such figures is really quite interesting, there must be some widespread polygamy going on.

Figuring in the homosexual statistics of the area there is no age demographic that is a majority female among the estimated heterosexual population, even using the most conservative figures. By age 40 women are a substantial majority outright and from there start their exponential slide, hitting an almost 3 to 2 ratio long before the average life expectancy of an American male.

Maybe what LA Times is looking at is online dating statistics, their own personal ad ratios, or dating services which do have those kinds of ratios. But the real world physical ratios are quite different.
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 116 (view)
What is wrong with the persons profile above you in this thread?
Posted: 7/21/2006 8:55:14 AM
Let's see, yup still 3000 miles away...
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 107 (view)
What is wrong with the persons profile above you in this thread?
Posted: 7/20/2006 8:10:29 AM
She's wonderfully goth, spirited and 3000 miles away.
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 51 (view)
gold diggers in orange county/south california!! any good ones left??
Posted: 7/17/2006 9:14:48 AM

The girls to guy ratio is one of the worst in the country.

Funny how it seems that way, but reality is that not only does LA has one of the highest women surpluses in the country, it also has one of the highest gay male populations in the country. For a major city only San Francisco is worse, making the pool of available straight men one of the worst cities statistically. The ratio gets worse for women as they get older, particularly here for some reason. Statistically this is one of the worst places in the US for a single woman over 50. The comment has been made in this thread about older women finally getting it, well that's why. Statistically LA is spinster hell.

Why women in this town are evasive or picky or rude is really a mystery, the illusion is that there is a women shortage, but the reality is that there is a huge surplus.
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 83 (view)
What is wrong with the persons profile above you in this thread?
Posted: 7/13/2006 3:52:53 PM
Can't really see a meaningful conversation about Enrico Fermi happening while riding a Harley, of course I'm not really sure I could be swayed to play **** on the back of a Harley, especially with a girl I've just met. Seems a bad precedent to set. She's cute though.
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 39 (view)
Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/13/2006 3:06:36 PM
...and the funny thing is, I lived in Tampa, FL for a few years, after living in LA and before moving back, and Gulf Coast Florida is everything everyone is saying about LA but multiplied by an order of magnitude. I've lived all over this country and in Europe, and no place but Florida was I ever routinely cussed out for holding a door open or offering a light. In the time I've lived in LA, about 7 years total, I've only had this sort of thing happen once.
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 33 (view)
Why so hostile in SoCal
Posted: 7/12/2006 11:30:44 PM
Ugh! This and a few other threads makes me wonder why I bother with the internet. It's quite the insight into the internet dating pool. I've read posts that look like they were written by children, another whole thread dedicated to the self justification of cheating on your spouse, tales of gold diggery, topped off by the yarns of hostility. All from a site where people are supposedly trying to meet and flirt and all in lovely SoCal. Welcome to bitter king, can I take your order?

I find all this funny when you compare it to the real world, I see over and over and over women walking along with men who lack virtually every quality that women seem to ask for almost universally in their profiles. It's tragic comedy. Ladies I can almost guarantee you that you've ignored or rejected men on the internet that have more potential than anyone you've ever been with, and guys I'm sure you've Leykissed your way out of some women you'd die for.

It's becoming obvious to me that internet dating is a pair of blurry beer goggle glasses that men write to as an intermission between porn sites with emails composed by the brain in the little head. Women on the other hand view it as a place to fish for the ideals that wouldn't spark the littlest interest for them if it showed up at their front door, empty wish lists devoid of a shred of chemistry. You'd think the internet with it's ability to let a person open a small window into their being would maybe offer a better chance at finding ones elusive soulmate, but instead it seems to be yet another part of our dysfunctional culture that pushes us to isolationism entertained more by electronic gadgets than the company of the opposite gender.
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
gold diggers in orange county/south california!! any good ones left??
Posted: 7/12/2006 9:26:09 AM
Most child support battles have very little to do with a childs well being. They are about money. Using a childs welfare as an excuse for a payday above and beyond the needs of a child is what is beneath contempt and happens way to often, especially when we are referring to amassed wealth. I know many men that have either been alienated from their children over this issue or by happenstance end up with custody of the children because the child doesn't fit into the former spouses new lifestyle, yet the money battle ensues. I know guys that are paying five figure monthly child support payments, whose teen children live with them by choice and are continuing to fight court battles over their child support arrangements. It all too often becomes about money and lawyers and stupid cat and mouse games played under the advice of legal council and the children are the pawns.
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
gold diggers in orange county/south california!! any good ones left??
Posted: 7/12/2006 2:03:19 AM
Palimony, alimony, child support, community property state, it's that simple. I don't know a guy over 35 in LA that makes over six figures that hasn't been through an ugly divorce, and by ugly I mean lots of legal fees and all over money, property and material possessions. A woman fishing for a lottery ticket husband in Los Angeles better be looking for a dumb millionaire. Los Angeles has more lawyers per capita than any other US city and if there are 2 things lawyers in this town know how to do it's screw first husbands and 2nd wives. It is too easy in California for a woman to weigh the problems of working out a relationship or cashing in.

Digging for gold in a relationship is a very misdirected concept. Most anyone with large sums of money has had plenty of experience with the legal system to amass and keep their fortunes, and this type of person will definitely be seeking legal advice before anything gets serious, if they don't they are a fool, especially in California.

Unfortunately we have become a society that has added first wife and starter home as list items directly below death and taxes.
Joined: 2/16/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
New Matches Emails....[Locked/Redundant]
Posted: 4/24/2006 11:16:42 AM
This is not a complaint about receiving these email, but more the format of them. It is probably a *really* bad idea to send someones password to them in plain text with every message. Much better would be a link to retrieve it if they've forgotten. Way to many people use the same password over and over again, and way too many people sniffing packets, you could be setting up someone for identity theft.
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