Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

          

Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: How to Help Guy Who Hide Stress?
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 16 (view)
 
How to Help Guy Who Hide Stress?
Posted: 3/30/2018 3:44:22 PM
Just be a positive and don't-have-to-think-too-much-about-it part of his life.
Maybe invite him to do some fun, healthy and low-stress things as friends.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 9/25/2017 5:15:29 PM
I just thought that the hanging out by the table using the phone might have been a half-buzzed not-very-sneaky suggestion for you to call him.
Sounds like something beered-up guys would think of doing.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 9/25/2017 7:58:43 AM
Exactly.

When you find "real" love and things get in the way, it can really mess with you and future relationships -but that isn't necessarily a bad thing.

It is easier to move on if you end up really not liking someone or know you would not be good together.
When you know it could be awesome and stupid worldly things get in the way, it is not easy at all.
Another relationship might be good, but if your mind is telling itself it won't be as good as the other would be, it is difficult to give 100 percent.
That's not a bad thing, because you really don't want less than the best -even if it doesn't work out with that person.

The answer is to give it a go or make absolutely certain it isn't going to happen -but you will still want awesome love -and it is worth the wait.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Bumped into ex ..his friend grabbed me...advice?
Posted: 9/24/2017 4:59:02 PM
What were the reasons you could not be together?
If they cannot be changed, put them out of your head.

If it took you a year to date again -and you are feeling all of this after just seeing them, you might want to ask them what it was all about.

The "stay here" part was probably his friend setting you up to talk to each other because he has probably been talking about you incessantly to his friends -and they were probably encouraging him to express his feelings to you.

The timing was horrible -but you were both wise and respectful of the new relationship -though he may have been trying to see how you reacted when he was near.

Anyway -figure it out or forget it altogether.

Just a guess, but I'm a really good guesser
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 474 (view)
 
If you could ask God one question, what would it be?
Posted: 6/25/2017 8:49:11 PM
I thought that might be a thread killer
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Possibilities of evolution
Posted: 6/24/2017 6:16:58 AM
I'm speaking of the resurrection described in the bible.

I meant that man would not wait to experiment in a disorderly fashion -would not wait for the design and tech to be complete.

Self-evolution would indeed likely be done by manipulation over generations.

Manipulation of the aging process is not outside the realm of possibility.

If our "self" exists, then it can technically be understood, mapped and reproduced.
The same applies to our bodies.

A body need not be of the sort we understand -and would need to be different if we were to no longer be bound to the earth or similar.

Processing, interface, manipulation, etc., does not technically require the human form.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Possibilities of evolution
Posted: 6/6/2017 8:40:06 AM
I meant essentially designing a different sort of body for ourselves -which would probably need to happen over generations.
I don't think mankind has the patience to wait until able to download and upload, engineer an invulnerable body, etc.

An invulnerable body is not outside the realm of possibility, but the transition would be difficult, to say the least.

Death and resurrection into such a body is a much better option -and it has already been planned.

We cannot violate the laws of physics, but we may not understand all of the possibilities.

We are presently under those laws -just as our bodies bind us to an earth-like environment, and perhaps they can apply to us in a different way.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Possibilities of evolution
Posted: 6/3/2017 8:51:04 AM
Short of receiving the supernatural bodies described in the bible, self-evolution and self-design would be necessary to make inhabiting many other worlds feasible -or even to give man increased invulnerability to natural earthly forces.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 473 (view)
 
If you could ask God one question, what would it be?
Posted: 6/3/2017 8:46:40 AM
I'm being totally serious here. I know the answers to all the big questions.
I realize that our environment and experience are for our ultimate benefit, and are the forces which form our minds and character -giving us a crash-course in reality and helping us discern good from evil, but....
Why do so many things in this life make you say "eeeeeeeeeeeewwwww"?
For example..... Why do we absolutely have to poop?
There are so many more pleasant options for gaining energy and removing by-products.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 94 (view)
 
Why is there human life on earth?
Posted: 6/3/2017 8:28:33 AM
The carbon-based infestation -as V-ger described man -has certainly not been good for the Earth, but that is due to the fact that our "purpose" is to be more than just a life form on Earth.
The capabilities of the minds or brains, etc., of other life forms on Earth are generally balanced with the capabilities of their bodies.
Man, however, can imagine doing things which far exceed the present capabilities of their bodies -and have even begun self-evolution and self-design.
Man generally (not considering more powerful natural forces) has dominion over the Earth, but may also take away that dominion and all other life.
In other words, man has the power to maintain or destroy an entire planet.
Regardless of how one believes it may or may not happen, man is on earth so that they may increase in dominion over the universe - and to learn that unless we use our dominion correctly, we will lose it and will not live to accomplish our purpose.
We must also learn to make life enjoyable while being responsible - otherwise there is no point in taking this chaos into the universe.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 185 (view)
 
1 month again returns but does he want to date me?
Posted: 12/21/2016 9:36:59 AM
If you feel like talking to him, talk to him. If not, don't.

Go on with your life -stop worrying about this guy. Stop worrying about anything that has already happened.

Have fun. Move on -whether with him or without him. You don't owe each other anything.
Don't be too serious about it -especially this early. Things will work or they won't.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 262 (view)
 
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 12/17/2016 10:08:32 PM
Don't be concerned with what most people want. You do not need everyone to like you and want to be with you.

Be who you want to be -and accept people who respect that.

There are many more than you realize who would want to be with you -but you will not meet them if you do not continue meeting new people.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 162 (view)
 
Heavy Metal = Turnoff?????
Posted: 12/17/2016 9:52:10 PM
However.... the song "March or Die" by Motörhead might just be better than that whole album.

The beast behind our eyes is loose
The day has come, the day has come
We march to Armageddon
Hungry for the war

I see the hated enemy
I see what I was taught to see
And one of us will bend the knee
We understand the law

The blood lust jerks our legs to march
Fife and drum, fife and drum
Our eyes are fixed and fearless
Searching for the war

Our statesmen deal in blood and lies
100 million stifled cries
100 million wasted lives
Already gone before

So march or die, march or die
The stench of death is in the sky
We never fail to satisfy
We rend with tooth and claw

Sword and shield and jackboot heel
We love to kill, we love to kill
We love to taste our own blood
Squirm in our own gore

Children weep and widows wail
Our education systems fail
To hide our guilt we build more jails
And we shall build still more

Our forests die, the stranglehold
That we put on the earth for gold
Will yet increase ten thousand fold
And no one knows what for

March and die, march and die
Defecate, despoil and lie
Cheat, dissemble, preach and spy
Build your house of straw

Laugh and cry, laugh and cry
Bloody sunset drowns the sky
For earth to heal then we must die
No-one deserves it more

I tell you we are doomed my friends
Our time is come, our time is come
We live within a charnel house
Rotten to the core

We glorify lust, greed and pain
We drown our hope in poison rain
We point the finger, shift the blame
Ambition makes us whores

March or croak, march or croak
All your lives a cosmic joke
Fill your days with piss and smoke
The wolf waits at your door

Burn and dance, burn and dance
Sex, death, torture, false romance
Whoop and howl, you have no chance
Burn and rise no more
Burn and rise no more

Die
Die
Die


That said -heavy metal can be very negative -and there is no point in pointing out the negative except to support the positive.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 161 (view)
 
Heavy Metal = Turnoff?????
Posted: 12/17/2016 9:45:33 PM
"...and justice for all" is probably the best album of all time -breaks the present reality down via some logically-complex -yet simplified -lyrics and appropriately-emotionally-evocative music. It may not offer a positive alternative beyond survival, but it accurately describes many evils.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 258 (view)
 
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 12/15/2016 6:03:59 PM
Also... Don't let wnyone else tell you what you are able to do -find out for yourself. Well-meaning parents can sometimes keep you from reaching your full potential.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 257 (view)
 
Dating Someone That Has Nothing
Posted: 12/15/2016 6:01:04 PM
Be prepared to be independent. You never know what the future might bring.
Unless your parents are going to set you up for the rest of your life, you will need to be independent at some point.
Most work because they need to do so in order to eat, pay rent, etc. -but also because making your own way and decisions is an awesome feeling.
If you'll never want for money or shelter, etc., do whatever you like -but don't let anyone keep you from doing what you like.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 219 (view)
 
Holding Onto Your Virginity With A Tissue
Posted: 12/15/2016 5:43:18 PM
Not all -but many -sex and war are also interrelated in many ways.

Virginity is a gift and an honor you can give to someone else -ideally one with whom you want to spend your life -and there are many benefits for both persons and society in this context.
It is not only a physical state. Deep emotional issues are also involved -and the non-physical aspects are even more important.
Faithfulness is similar.
Virginity is really only "lost" if it is not valued.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 217 (view)
 
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/15/2016 4:08:21 PM
I'm pretty sure a good percentage of people see sex as a sort of prize -and are doing their best to win it.

Many of the worlds ills relate to sex in various ways -so morals, ethics -whatever -apply and should certainly be applied.

People are free to think as they will -but virginity is not only a beautiful gift to give to a mate, but those who view sex as a sacred thing not to be shared with many or outside of a marriage can have a much more profound, awe-inspiring and satisfying relationship.
People are free to disagree, but may also not understand what they are missing.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 137 (view)
 
Mo' Pickle Bluez
Posted: 12/15/2016 3:45:04 PM
I'd just move on at that point -he might just be a dumb*** -but would still generally advise less planning and more spontaneity when dating opportunities arise again with this guy or others. Plans can change -especially if two people are busy. I'm free now, you're free now, so let's go can work better.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 208 (view)
 
Holding Onto Your Virginity an Issue
Posted: 12/14/2016 9:28:34 PM
I find it strange that people do not connect attitudes and decisions about sex with how they affect the state of society and the world as a whole. I have not always been responsible, myself, but I knew I was being irresponsible.
It's really not about "you" -it's about the future.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 199 (view)
 
think it's great
Posted: 12/12/2016 10:53:49 AM
I think it is great -I don't do casual/sex outside of marriage either, and probably won't marry for quite some time -but there are likely very few men who think similarly. You would do well to actively seek out places, groups, people who do think similarly in order to have more dating opportunities. If you eat kosher, shop kosher -that sort of thing.
It can also be difficult to have light and fun dates if marriage is always the focus -so definitely just focus on having fun, don't have any expectations and see where things go.
There's nothing wrong with showing some affection in non-sexual physical ways when appropriate based on the relationship, either -not sure where you are with that -and there's nothing wrong with giving a few hints as to how things would be should you get married -in a safe manner.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 115 (view)
 
The Pickle Raft Bluez
Posted: 12/12/2016 10:00:39 AM


Yeah he shows me a kissy face and says he's lonely. But hey if he is that lonely then he should be saying "hey I'm lonely I wanna be with you, i'm going to come see you". But yet NO he doesn't say that stuff.


Perhaps..... Consider it a scheduling issue -maybe -if you talk again -say something like... "Rather than make a date for a later time, let me know when you want to go out right then and there -and if I am free, drop by and we'll choose a place or activity when you get here."
 etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 112 (view)
 
meh
Posted: 12/11/2016 2:30:58 PM
It's possible we don't get the actual situation -but otherwise, I persist because it sometimes takes quite a while for things to "click" with me -and then when I say "Ohhhhhhh... I get it now", everyone throws up their hands.
That may not be the case here, but one realization can change a great deal.

She may be right about him, but we can all use good advice about ourselves along the way.

I can also explain things in great depth without getting my point across -so......
 etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 110 (view)
 
OP Opened A Peck Of Pickle Jars
Posted: 12/11/2016 12:21:30 PM
I did miss the part about the month of dating -or I put it out of my mind and moved on -which may also be a good idea for you. If it didn't work out well -start over. The rest was still valid.

You may know the exact situation better than we do -but if you are going to seek advice, then you ought to consider the responses.
We can only respond to what is written -and what is written is him initiating contact and trying to make dates.

You may have valid points about certain things, but so do other people.
Sometimes, the whole world can be wrong while you are right -but we're all essentially saying the same thing, and at the very least we're not completely wrong. He may not be doing things perfectly, but you always have to consider what you are not doing perfectly in order to have a happy relationship of any kind.

I have done and said the same sort of things you wrote that you said and did -so don't think I'm putting you down.
It's not easy to see our own part in how things turn out.
 etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 108 (view)
 
at least CONSIDER the possibility!
Posted: 12/11/2016 11:46:01 AM
A few months ago, I dated this one guy for 1 month, but things didn't work out between us. Then the week of Thanksgiving he messages me online and we both started talking again, and wanted to date one another again. This is the chat we had about trying to set up our first date together.
 etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 107 (view)
 
at least CONSIDER the possibility!
Posted: 12/11/2016 11:44:12 AM
HIM: "So. Tomorrow or Sunday?"

ME: "I don't know. I heard it was going to rain this weekend. lol"

"Did you not read the first topic regarding the first date? I asked him for the first date should we hang tomorrow or Sunday and we agreeed on Sunday, and then I asked him if we were going to hang out afterall and he said that next week would be better, but next week came and went and nothing happened.

Yeah he shows me a kissy face and says he's lonely. But hey if he is that lonely then he should be saying "hey I'm lonely I wanna be with you, i'm going to come see you". But yet NO he doesn't say that stuff."

Well, there ya go -problem solved -he didn't say the exact words you want to hear -so he's obviously not for you.
(that was sarcasm -as probably was his comment the next week about it being rainy)
 etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 101 (view)
 
at least CONSIDER the possibility!
Posted: 12/11/2016 11:02:22 AM
Honestly... sincerely.... you are not getting it!

He is not required to talk to you -and a week is not a long time, unless you are already in a serious relationship or have had at least one date and arrived at some understanding about seeing each other again -and he still would not owe you any communication whatsoever -though at THAT point, you might reasonably have something to ask about. You should be happy he did contact you after the other confusing conversation.

You are saying HE INITIATED CONTACT. He sent you a kissy face and said he was lonely -that is showing interest -that is being flirty -that is being fun.

You are saying he previously asked you TOMORROW OR SUNDAY. He showed interest and tried to make a date!
You made things difficult and confusing!

YOU ARE NOT MAKING ANY MOVES! You are stopping a potentially awesome and flirty conversation before it gets started! You are stopping dates before they happen! He is making moves and you are not allowing them!
 etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 98 (view)
 
TOMORROW!
Posted: 12/11/2016 10:39:02 AM
A few months ago, I dated this one guy for 1 month, but things didn't work out between us. Then the week of Thanksgiving he messages me online and we both started talking again, and wanted to date one another again. This is the chat we had about trying to set up our first date together.

On November 25th

HIM: "So. Tomorrow or Sunday?"

ME: "I don't know. I heard it was going to rain this weekend. lol"

INSTEAD: "TOMORROW!"
 etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 96 (view)
 
The Pickle Raft Bluez
Posted: 12/11/2016 10:22:26 AM
You are cute, and seem like an awesome person. That was my first impression when reading your profile -but it seems like negativity and lack of focus on the other person's words are ruining your chances....

9:30AM he messages me the "kissy face" smiley

I replied to that around 4PM asking him "How have you been?"

he replied with "Lonely I'm in the mountains with my mom."

Then I replied with "Well you could have talked to me this whole time but you didn't.
(Extremely negative -pretty much an accusation! How about.... I love the mountains! I wish I was there -then neither of us would be lonely!)

Figured you were busy, so left you alone.
(You could have talked to him that whole time, too!)

I'm still unsure on if you want us to date or if your still interested or not.
But I am still interested in dating if you are.
(honest -but you really didn't make it easy -get an umbrella, ice skates, suntan lotion -whatever! Weather is awesome!)

It's all on you."
(Nerp! Not in the slightest! That's why they call it a "relationship"! You're pretty much saying you are doing your part, and he is slacking -and that just isn't true.)

He replies with "I am. I like you".
(Do a freakin' happy dance and be really careful with your next words! -maybe even express happiness!)

I then say "If so, how come you are not showing me interest by chatting with me or anything."
(HE WAS -RIGHT THEN)

He didn't reply back. So I don't know what to think or do now.
(Honestly.... because you made it ZERO FUN -FRUSTRATING -NEGATIVE! Why would he want more of that?)

Don't feel bad -it happens all the time -lots of people do it. They respond to their own thoughts, feelings, etc., rather than what the other person is saying. In other words, they aren't really talking to that person -they aren't communicating with them at all. Just look at what is written or consider what is said -and give a positive response or reply. Prioritize -for example... which do you want more -a date, or to not get wet?

Just go somewhere and do something!
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Not so perfect combos
Posted: 12/4/2016 9:40:06 PM
I could probably think of some -but I can't seem to write anything else myself.

I have written some poetry I feel good about -have written some guitar stuff I feel good about
-but when I try to write lyrics for a song I can't seem to get it right in any way.
I can't seem to make lyrics fit the timing of the music -can't seem to express ideas well in lyrics, etc., etc.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Shoud I ever go back to this library?
Posted: 12/4/2016 9:11:20 PM
Whoah -don't worry about it. It isn't inherently wrong -just a sign of the times.

Banning you car (never heard of that) is pretty weird. Turning other people against you for asking her out -also weird.

You seem reasonable -so you might want to clear up any misunderstanding -but that is not likely to happen.

If you can avoid that library without inconvenience, it might be best -but I wouldn't hesitate to go there if necessary.

You asked someone out -no biggie.

Definitely avoid her, though -just go about your business.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Shoud I ever go back to this library?
Posted: 12/4/2016 7:54:13 PM
She likely felt hurt that you ignored her initially and was trying to hurt you.
You are probably lucky she did not accept. Better you find these things out early.

However, I would definitely advise not asking someone out in a parking lot.
I think I would even wonder what was going on if a woman asked me out in a parking lot.
I would be looking around wondering what was about to happen.
In the library -while she was safely behind a desk -would probably have been a better place to ask -but may not have made a difference in this case.
You definitely want to do your best to make sure they do not feel vulnerable, unsafe, threatened, etc.
 Etritonakin
Joined: 11/25/2016
Msg: 4 (view)
 
how to pay?
Posted: 11/29/2016 3:05:26 PM
Just a test post -off probation, but posts not showing -hmmmmmm
 
Show ALL Forums