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 Author Thread: ASKING FOR A KISS?
 sc67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 50 (view)
 
ASKING FOR A KISS?
Posted: 1/29/2013 7:11:52 PM

I hate it when men do that. They should know how to read my body language. And if they have to ask, it's not the right time. When guy says "Can I kiss you?" all I think is "aargh you're asking me for a kiss like I'm your mum. Ew".

+1 even worse when they say "MAY I kiss you?" like they're trying to be super proper. Blech...what are you supposed to say?
Sure!
umm...ok?
No thank you.
Let me pop a mint first.
Put your tongue back in your mouth & let's discuss it further.

Not making me feel like kissing.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Great Date POOF Mia but back on POF
Posted: 1/29/2013 7:05:56 PM

For the Ladies who have been on here longer does it ever work out?

Nope...not really. haha Just enjoy the forums & if someone really likes you they won't make you wonder. I keep telling myself there will be a man for me like that & I'll have reciprocal feelings for him. Until then, the forums are the best thing on POF (just keep a thick skin & clear head).
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Guys, what do you say when your not interested after meeting?
Posted: 1/27/2013 3:46:53 PM

OP, I NEVER (and I mean NEVER) contact a guy after a first date. I leave it totally up to him to be back in touch. This way, only the ones that are REALLY into me contact me again, and I weed out the passive ones who want to be the girl in the relationship and have me pursue them from the get go. Makes life much easier that way and you don't waste your time with follow up text messages and then wonder if/when they will respond. If a guy REALLY likes you, he will contact you again.

This is exactly what I do! If a man wants to see you he will contact you & ask you out. If he's worth your time he will follow through on what he says.

Now, I did go out with a younger guy last week. He keeps texting...every single day...but has not asked me out again. Someone is about to get friendzoned. Even if you're younger thanI am you've still gotta be the man in the relationship.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 74 (view)
 
Have you become so Jaded that you think you will never marry?
Posted: 1/27/2013 3:29:09 PM
Nope..don't see marriage happening for me again. Maybe there's nobody that I'll have strong enough feelings for that are reciprocated. Maybe I'm so jaded that I'll never give anyone a chance. Either way...not happening. It's also possible I subconsciously choose people who are not marriage material so that I never risk anything.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Self Esteem Boost?
Posted: 1/26/2013 6:32:09 AM

the dating experience per se is the same from both sites. New people are having fun with all the new attention they're receiving and won't settle for anyone at first. The veterans of online dating have seen it all and are more guarded, jaded or suspicious.

This is true.

It's mostly the same people on both sites (match & POF). When I was on match I didn't get any of the sexual e-mails, but they also have scammers (same as here). When my profile is visible I probably get 5-10 e-mails per day & who knows how many "meet me" things & I turned off "favorites" notification so no clue on that. I figure if they see me & really like me they'd send an e-mail.

Someone said ego boost mainly happens for people newly out of a relationship. I agree with that. Anyone that's been single and/or tried online dating for any length of time focuses on the quality of the messages & the messenger rather than the quantity.

If you're that curious about paid sites, sign up for one for a month. You'll figure it out soon enough.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Why contact me then not write back?
Posted: 1/25/2013 8:30:59 PM
OP...don't worry about it. There's a guy that messages me every time I make my profile visible on any dating site I've tried. Everything seems to be going fine & then he's gone. It's probably happened 3-4x with this same guy. Maybe he forgets he was talking to me or that he's messaged me before? In any case...happened again this week & now his profile is deleted.

It's just one of those online things we'll never understand.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Catfish MTV
Posted: 1/25/2013 7:34:10 PM
Based exactly on your issues I would arrived at a totally different conclusion. Meet fast. One meeting and you will realize they are full of s hit, and be done with. Total, time wasted, 5 emails, not 5 months. End of story.

+1 I'm not looking for a pen pal. That's why I don't chat, instant message, etc. Meet me & let's skip all this other baloney. In the meantime, if someone seems fishy google image search is your friend.

But I do love Nev & Catfish! :)

Edit to add:

I love the episode were the blonde girl thought she was meeting a male model and it turned out to be another girl LOL and women on here still insist its not about the looks, its ALL about looks period, personality doesn't matter at all these days and this show proves it!!! the shallowness of women is unbelievable.

What about the guy who was good looking & thought he was chatting up a beautiful blonde & it turned out to be an African American gay man? Or the one who thought he was talking to a former Miss Teen USA finalist & it turned out to be one of his friends who was cute, but not gorgeous like the girl in the pictures? Women are not the only ones who can be shallow.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 174 (view)
 
Would u still date a girl if she won't sleep with u?
Posted: 1/25/2013 6:53:33 PM

Would u still date a girl if she won't sleep with u?

ha...would a woman still sleep with a man if he won't date her? In both cases there's gonna be someone who is unhappy with the situation.

Find a compatible person who sees sex the way you do & be a kind & responsible partner to that person. People get themselves into sticky situations when they start trying to force others into their way of thinking.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Real world Vs Internet profile, would you still date the same person?
Posted: 1/25/2013 6:49:32 PM
I'm a lot more cautious online & if the pics aren't great & the spelling/grammar is obviously bad then I pass. In real life they have more of an opportunity to connect with me before I can examine everything.

For example...instant pass if they say "I'm looking for a good women." (plural? really?) In real life that conversation would never happen.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Anybody ever hear of a GF who refuses to go to a conert...EVER?
Posted: 1/25/2013 6:18:33 PM
eh...I hate live music (usually). They turn the amps up so loud that you can't hear the melody or talk & people are crowding in on me. It's super annoying to be short & be in a big crowd because everyone steps all over you like they don't even see you.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 25 (view)
 
what do women think of a man who tries to get it on first date
Posted: 1/25/2013 6:15:47 PM
Well, I'm not going to say it's never happened, but it's probably not what the guy thought. I think...here's a guy who prefers McDonald's to The Palm. He's not super interesting & not long term potential. I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule. I have just not met them yet.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Just an observation - Attractiveness/Success and finding love
Posted: 1/24/2013 5:57:31 PM

Why are there more average success stories?
1. There are more average looking people, so by default, greater numbers.
2. Average looking people are less discerning, so they have a wider range of choices.
3. Unsuccessful average looking people need each other to survive, so there's a draw.

+1

I am convinced that looks have very little to do with love. No, I don't go for the "if they're good looking they must be a horrible person" or are bad in bed or have standards that are impossibly high (that's code for "they don't like me so I hate them"). The reasons they're single vary. Maybe they like being single. Maybe they've been through a divorce & don't feel like they need to settle the next time around.

Looks don't matter. Patience waiting for the right person is all that matters. You don't want to be hooked up to Mr. Wrong when Mr. Right walks by.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Dating stunning women, only based on looks?...
Posted: 1/13/2013 3:38:38 PM

Tough decisions.

It won't be a tough decision when the time is right. Just be honest, have fun & like another poster said...don't get anyone pregnant in the meantime! :)
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 37 (view)
 
I have a question about a person that I like who barely is online.
Posted: 1/13/2013 3:31:39 PM
OP...I am a Christian (Presbyterian) so I'm not going to tell you religion is something bad. I have found peace during difficult times & continue to do so.

It seems you are really hung up on this person, even though there are thousands & thousands of other people on here. Why would this man be interested in you (even as friends) since you haven't told him anything about yourself in your profile or e-mail other than you're a religious zealot? Is there anything else you like to do? Maybe volunteer or hike or anything else? Nobody wants to hang out, even as "friends" (which we all know doesn't mean friends), with someone who only wants to lecture us.

Frankly...your profile should be taken down for being a solicitation & not a real profile. Yes, I realize you're soliciting religion, but it boils down to the same thing. Doesn't make your profile any better than someone trying to meet people to sell Amway (although they'd probably be a little more sly about it).
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Dating stunning women, only based on looks?...
Posted: 1/13/2013 3:17:04 PM

I ask this question because lately I have had some stunning girls email me and I have considered ignoring them based on their seemingly poor intellectual ability to write a few sentences on their profile (poor grammar etc).

Be safe & make sure these are actual women & are actually close enough to you to date, as opposed to say...in another country or on another continent & will possibly need some $$$ to help out with some bizarre circumstance that has suddenly, inexplicably happened to them or their close family member. I am always hyper-cautious when they are really good looking & the spelling and/or grammar lead me to believe English is not their first language. (meaning I cross them off the list & move on with my life)

Otherwise...as long as you're honest...carry on. If they're close to your age they're probably only interested in casual dating anyway.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Oral sex during period?
Posted: 1/13/2013 3:02:22 PM
OP...try the Instead vaginal cup. I haven't used it for the activity you describe...haha...but it's excellent for use w/ regular sex so should do the trick. He'll feel it, but no mess.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 35 (view)
 
My critique on some chivalrous gestures
Posted: 1/12/2013 2:58:05 PM
OP...if you hate being chivalrous or the feeling you get from doing it, then don't do it. That's like giving a present that didn't cost you anything & resenting giving it.

Just don't complain when people think you're a huge a-hole. Clearly the rules of polite society don't apply to you. Being kind to people by holding the door or seeing someone cold & offering your coat are basic examples of being a good human being.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Pics
Posted: 1/12/2013 2:53:50 PM
or pics that look like they're wearing a white wife beater & you look closer & it's shirtless & they have a serious sunburn...in the shape of a wife beater. (plus moobs & a bit of a beer belly)

IMHO...they're doing the same thing women do when we include pics that show off our shape. Won't appeal to all & may turn off some, but at least you know what you're getting.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Dating with no money.
Posted: 1/11/2013 4:05:25 PM

I personally don't do meets. It's a date to me and that implies old fashioned and traditional behavior. I pay and behave like a gentleman. But apparently I'm old school and antiquated, so that doesn't always work for the new age dating gurus that have proudly boasted being on hundreds of 'meets'. No thanks. I want a date. I also am romantic. I don't do first dates during the day either. Simply and bluntly put, if there's a 0% chance of sex, I'm not going. If there is only a 1% chance? Sign me up!

+1 Call it whatever you want, but it was a blind date of sorts. It's really an online thing to say a short date to get to know each other in person. I hate them & day first dates for the same reason. They feel like a business meeting or like he's checking out a mare at a horse sale. No opportunity to build chemistry.

OP...you went out of your way to accomodate his schedule. You did what most ladies, myself included, do when we're preparing for a date...not too much. It's a first impression. You did everything right. :) Thumbs down on him for being so lame. I wonder if he's really that broke & unorganized & thoughtless or maybe he's married & didn't want his car noticed at the gym or a charge to show on his debit card. Maybe the wife doesn't give him any cash.

I agree...I wish he'd come on here & explain himself!
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Damn, just when you think you've reeled in a half decent potential..
Posted: 1/10/2013 4:08:38 PM
One of my very best friends met her boyfriend here. He stood her up on their 1st date (she found out later he'd lost his license & was too depressed...plus couldn't drive). She gave him another chance. He lied about TONS of things. They are together now & seem happy, but there are still several lies she's decided not to pursue. She's 27, sees all her friends getting married & settling down, he is fun, she does like him. We're all thinking...he's a great guy, but he's lied about some BIG STUFF. It's her relationship though, so we're just going to be supportive if things fall apart.

Some people are willing to overlook the lies in order to be in a relationship so I guess it works out sometimes.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Women that won't initiate anything!!! Even after being exclusive and having a sexual relationship.
Posted: 1/10/2013 3:55:54 PM

And there will always be a man ready to pick her up.... until she's 40, and the beauty starts to fade.

crap! I'm past my expiration date.


I just ended a relationship where the guy was irritated with me for initiating TOO OFTEN. He wanted to be in control, and me calling him upset his equilibrium. OK, we were a mismatch, fine. But next guy I date, I'm going to be feeling shy about initiating.

I had this same thing happen. I've gotten to the point that I'll initiate a text, but highly unlikely I'll call and/or make plans out of the blue. Now I do the "if a man wants to hear your voice he will call & if he's not calling he doesn't."

OP...phone calls & asking you out on a date is one thing, but if she wasn't initiating sex when you were together then there's another issue & she's not the one for you.
 sc67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Restaurant tipping
Posted: 1/10/2013 5:17:50 AM
^^^ eye of the beholder since he quoted my post. I stand by my statement & my original comment.
 sc67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Restaurant tipping
Posted: 1/9/2013 11:48:27 AM
Muted Enthusiasm...you trying to pick a fight with me or just hijack this thread into "if I have to pay the tab she's a whore."???

OP didn't mind picking up the tab & was concerned about appearing cheap. Telling his date they're going dutch is definitely the route for him! (insert sarcasm)

Read my post again. Don't pay if you're going to resent it.

No need to try to insult other posters.
 sc67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Restaurant tipping
Posted: 1/8/2013 6:32:48 PM

You want your date to SEE that you are generous. You are concerned that a zero on the tip line LOOKS bad to the wait staff even though you left $$$ on the table.

This is true. IF you are treating, your date should not see the bill or what tip, if any, you have left for the waitress. The wait staff knows there are people who leave $$ on the table instead of on the tip line. Relax. Nobody thinks you're a cheapskate.

I once dated a man who left a large tip for the waitress. I had no idea & would never have known, except she came back & thanked him profusely for it. I thought he was sweet & kind. I would've been put off by it if he'd made a show of it. We didn't continue dating, but that's only because he was not emotionally ready to date. He talked a LOT about his not quite ex-wife.

Funny to comment on the "why do I have to pay for dates" thread & this one on the same night. OP...sounds like you are ok with paying for the date. Be happy that you're not resentful that you're being "forced" to pay for dinner. You have an advantage over men who either pay & resent it or get themselves in a tizzy over how to tell their date they want to split the check.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Women that Lie about their Marital Status. Separated/Divorced???
Posted: 1/7/2013 8:11:35 PM
You've got to be honest in your profile.

What do we do when we see the 1st line of a person's profile is...I'm really X years old, not X-5, but they won't let me change it. Ummm...yeah...you lied when you filled out your profile & now I don't believe anything else that's in it!

I know it's tough being separated & feeling like you're ready to date, but being judged harshly for things you feel are beyond your control. I've been there. But...I don't want to get mixed up in someone else's divorce. Going through my own was crappy enough.

There...honesty...feels great!
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 54 (view)
 
Is it better to meet people through other people?
Posted: 1/6/2013 5:18:05 PM

Myself personally. I much rather take the fall for myself. I'm not going to send my friends over to talk to a women for me no matter the situation.

I'm not sure how I'd react if a grown man (my age) tried sending a friend over to talk to me instead of coming over himself. I think it's actually easier for women to use this little tactic. It was super easy as a 24 yr old woman. I'd just send over a guy (or girl) to tell the man I picked that I wanted to dance with him, but was too shy to ask. It always (always) worked.

ha...I guess I was a PUA before it was trendy. Although...be careful what you wish for. I got stuck with a real loser on that deal.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Should I mind my own business?
Posted: 1/6/2013 2:33:26 PM
How can you give romantic advice to someone that you're sleeping with, even if it's "just" FWB? This guy doesn't sound like much of a prize as a friend or "friend." I'd stay out of it & find a new "friend" if I were you.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/6/2013 1:07:25 PM
Everyone has a choice about whether to be single.

This doesn't really make sense to me in that even if you WANT to be in a relationship, you can't just CHOOSE to be in one. Do you just pick whoever wants you & call it a day? What if the person who wants you is clingy or needy & that's not your style? What if you're not sexually attracted to them? Just suck it up & pat yourself on the back that anyone wanted you?

Maybe that's where I'm going wrong. I should just pick whoever wants me & be done with it. It sounds easy enough if you can stomach it & I am certain I have friends who have done this.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/6/2013 12:10:24 PM

No one's single and really and truely prefers it, hence isolation being a common punishment in the prison system.

I don't think anyone is saying they'd prefer sitting in their house alone with no contact. with anyone. I think many women on here are saying they have filled their lives with work, friends, family, social activities & have done without the partner/romantic aspect of life & don't think they are apt to find it at this point.

Isn't it possible to be single & become content with it because we have come to the conclusion that we are spinning our wheels (for whatever reason) when it comes to romance? That does't mean we don't enjoy or seek social interaction. Many of us would like to have an intimate romantic relationship. We just believe that, for varied reasons unique to each person, it's not likely to happen.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Is it better to meet people through other people?
Posted: 1/6/2013 10:48:45 AM
ok...while I don't endorse OP's way of meeting a woman, at least he had a plan & did it. I will also admit that I did that umm...20 years ago to meet my ex-husband. It does work.

This is not exactly what the OP meant by meeting people through other people, but I think it's probably better to meet a date through mutual friends if you can get them to set you up with someone appropriate. They are much less likely to go extreme douche if you have mutual friends. They're more likely to pay attention to general rules of behavior on how you treat another human being. Online dating can bring out the worst, most inconsiderate behavior in both men & women.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Maybe some of us are just meant to be single?
Posted: 1/6/2013 10:24:40 AM
OP...you may be right. Iwas nodding as I read the responses from other women. Maybe I'm more aloof than I should be. Maybe I am more choosy than I should be, if I truly want to be with someone. Maybe I've kept myself busy living life & now don't have any room in my life for someone. Maybe I've wasted too much of my life wishing for things I'll never find instead of being realistic.

Unlike another poster in this thread, having a partner isn't seen as important or a need in my family. It's understood that your children will be your focus & then you will focus on yourself & your career. Looking for a "date" or partner is seen as frivolous. Maybe I'm accepting their view of that, even though I don't seem to be willing to give up the idea that it's still possible for me.

When you mention this idea of maybe there isn't a lid for every pot, some people will think you're just being cynical. But...I think it might be true. (although, like Santa, I kinda wish it wasn't)
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 40 (view)
 
What is an NSA relationship?
Posted: 1/4/2013 4:26:14 PM

Many FWB's go out the window because one person just wanted them to be a Booty Call, not being treated before, during, and after as an actual Friend at the same time.

very true...which leads to this...

NSA is the same thing as prostitution, only no money exchanges hands.


Not recommended for those of us who like affection with our sex and/or tend to get attached to people with whom we share intimate moments.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 54 (view)
 
Am I being immature or high maintenance or unrealistic? (Please be gentle.)
Posted: 12/30/2012 10:37:22 AM
His younger son (24) has his girlfriend, who lives nearby, over a lot to spend the night when I'm there, and they sleep together. My boyfriend keeps condoms for them in the bathroom. His older son (30) has had a live-in girlfriend for a while. When he comes to visit and brings her, they sleep together.


By the way, my boyfriend's parents live less than a half a mile away. I'm pretty certain they know we spend weekends together, so that's not an issue either.

So...the sons & the parents know you're spending nights there on the weekend. Why do YOU think he didn't want you to spend the night in his bed while his daughter was there? Here's a great idea...ask him...since you shoot down every possible scenario everyone else posts. YOU are with the man & YOU know the man. Ask him. Believe what he tells you. Heck...maybe you're too loud in bed & he didn't want to embarrass you and/or his daughter. We're all just throwing ideas out there for you to shoot them down.

A man who has the means to help his children & does help his children is generous & loving. You can't take it with you! I'd love to meet a man who I enjoyed spending time with that appreciated the value of maintaining a relationship with his children & didn't smother me. Give this some thought before you put a ton of demands on this man.


Work on your relationship with his children and hopefully reach the point where they will ask for your presence on these special occasions.

I like this.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Am I being immature or high maintenance or unrealistic? (Please be gentle.)
Posted: 12/29/2012 3:43:05 PM

I have no problem with him having alone time with his daughter. That's not the issue, and I did not want to be with him every single moment. That's only one of several reasons I no longer wanted to be with my ex-husband. He wanted every waking minute with me. That's not what I'm saying in this thread.

Then what exactly are you saying? You're upset that he didn't go to the movies with you, took a while to text & didn't want you sleeping over? You went to church with him & his family, yes? You were invited to dinner with his family, yes?


Yes, I could have gone to his family gathering and NOT drank wine. However, his father purchases wine from a local importer, and it's kind of a tradition to do so when they all get together. We all sit around and drink wine and eat cheese and bread while his older son, who likes to cook, prepares the meal. Then everyone has wine with the meal. For that matter, the potentially inclement weather was a bigger factor in driving the 15 miles home.

What I'm hearing is that you COULD have gone without drinking wine, explained that you had to drive home, but you didn't WANT to go without. Did everyone stay the night, including his parents? They weren't worried about driving in inclement weather? Was he worried that they would judge you & treat you differently if they knew you were spending the night in his bed?

How much of this is due to the fact that you don't have children & aren't considering how he feels pulled in multiple directions trying to keep everyone happy? I understand you wanted to see a movie, but I suspect a movie wasn't at the top of his priorities since he had family in town.

I don't think he sees you as a mistress. I think he sees you as a real girlfriend & his family sees you the same. He knows his family better than you do. Forcing him to let you sleep over while the daughter and/or parents are there might get a reaction you don't want. Do you trust him & are you willing to let this relationship develop or are you going to force him to do things your way?
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Am I being immature or high maintenance or unrealistic? (Please be gentle.)
Posted: 12/29/2012 10:57:30 AM
OP...you can FEEL whatever way you want, but he had a life before he met you & (since you asked) your complaints over Christmas do seem a little childish.

You were not excluded. You were not included in every single moment of his time. He feels uncomfortable with your sleeping over when his daughter is there. Can she not have some time alone with her father since they hardly see each other? The whole "I was going to drink wine & have to drive home 15 miles" argument is manipulative.

Do you expect your partner to spend all their free time with you? Do you not have any friends you could spend time with instead of expecting him to fill all your down time? How much time together is enough? He's been single for a long time & obviously enjoys his free time & time with his children. This does not mean he does not enjoy time with you. It just means he does not want you there ALL THE TIME. You need to develop a hobby & some outside interests.

Since you asked...my opinion...shape up or he'll decide you're not worth the trouble.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Should I ask him to marry me.
Posted: 12/29/2012 5:16:14 AM
I didn't read all the posts so this has probably already been said...

Why are you willing to settle for a relationship with no physical intimacy? It's obviously important to you since you've worn a revealing nightgown to entice him. You're worth a real relationship. Please don't settle for something that seems comfortable, but really isn't.

NO...never ask a man to marry you. If he wants to marry you he will ask & if he doesn't ask the answer you're going to get is NO.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 151 (view)
 
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/25/2012 2:20:39 PM

You probably believe that your vagina is made of angels and rainbows that any man would be lucky to get a mere glimpse of..

You mean it isn't? My doctor was very convincing when he told me it was...


I can admit that I don't like smokers or women with bad hygiene, but those are choices not absolutes. Turning someone down because they're not tall enough or aren't the alpha males isn't logical.

Logical? We're talking about attraction, not logic. You would prefer women would date you even if they are not attracted to you? That doesn't make any sense!

This goes down the same worn out path as the "why don't women go dutch" or "why don't women ask men out" threads. You want the women YOU WANT to bend to the rules you think would benefit you instead of going after women who are attracted to you & want what you want. If a woman is attracted to alpha men & you are not an alpha male, then you will have better luck with someone else. Similarly, if I meet a man & he's attracted to tall, thin, young model types he will not be interested in me. It's not that I'm not a sexy or fun or smart woman. I'm just not for him. Please stop blaming other people for what you perceive as your own flaws.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 125 (view)
 
About leagues. . .
Posted: 12/22/2012 4:26:02 PM

Men are also taught (mostly from women) that if you approach them you'd better be an alpha male with lots going for you or you're gonna face a 99.9% rejection rate because she's out of your league. It's taught to us practically from birth that beautiful females are the untouchables for most normal men.

ok...haha...pretty self-defeating, but I guess that depends on what you consider "beautiful" & what the object of your desire considers "normal men"


I knew this would piss off the female forumnites. Say what you may. But it works. Over and over, and over again. And no bimbos. Smart women.

Then I must be a bimbo 'cause I really don't have time to listen to some dude tell me what's wrong with me. I'm well aware I'm not perfect & don't really value the opinion of someone I don't know. Anyone who tries PUA game on me is making a serious tactical error that may sting for quite some time.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Double Standard on fake image improvements
Posted: 12/22/2012 4:04:08 PM
pfft...there's a lot better way to judge the value of a man than how much hair grows on his head. I know it's gotta be stressful to lose your hair, but please know that it matters more to you than it does to most women. We like smart, successful, funny, confident men. Good hair is fine. No hair is fine. Bad, dirty, or suspicous hair is not.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 67 (view)
 
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/20/2012 4:09:26 AM

A real friend would support and encourage her decision.

Support & encourage her decision to do what? She should distract boyfriend #1 while her friend is with #2? (then reverse as necessary?) If the "friend" wants to cheat, she needs to figure out a way to do it on her own & leave other people out of it. Don't ask them to be excited about it, discuss it with you, help you do it, etc.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Best friend cheats on BF
Posted: 12/19/2012 7:18:43 AM

If someone is willing to betray the person they allegedly love, how much do you think they value the person they just like (i.e. their friend)? I have stopped being friends with a couple of people who cheated on their gf/wives, and I'd do it again if I encounter the same situation. Part of being friends to me is sharing a base set of values. If that's gone, I'm gone too. Life's too short to hang out with bottom-feeders.

word! OP...you're supposed to be excited about how happy happy happy she is with Boyfriend #2? I don't fake happiness for someone who uses me in an attempt to convince themselves what they're doing is a-ok. She's a user. She uses her real boyfriend, uses boyfriend #2 & uses you. There are probably others. It's all about her.


Well-adjusted people end a relationship before moving on to another. All the excuses otherwise are just that, excuses.

So true! I have a friend who was "in love" with a real jerk, but managed her Facebook like a ninja so she could juggle other men. He beat her up one Friday night & by Sunday she had a new "boyfriend" & now they're also "in love" 8 weeks later. Some want/need more attention than 1 person can give. Your friend has 2 men & now she wants your attention as well. Distance yourself & make her an acquantaince unless you like being involved in drama.
 sc67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Douche
Posted: 12/16/2012 5:37:26 PM

Semen is virtually odorless and I am told tasteless

That is not true. If you were told that then someone lied to you.

OP...bacterial vaginosis? Douching would not help & you would smell it BEFORE, but that's my best guess if it's not you and/or the way your bodily fluids react with each other.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Why do middle age women still feel the need to be all kissy, huggy and feeling in a relationship
Posted: 12/11/2012 7:29:29 PM

I can tell you that there are women out there who won't be wanting a lot of it, because I can't be the only one.

+1 It's not that I don't like any of it. Holding hands is fine, depending on how much I like the person. Putting your arm around me when we're walking or something like that is A-ok. Grabbing me while I'm trying to make dinner is blech & mushy cards & too familiar texts that are mushy are double blech (example...some dude ending a text to me with "deep kisses"). It makes me uncomfortable...seems insincere, especially if it's not a long term thing.
 sc67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/4/2012 7:54:15 AM
^^^ I like that! Attitude makes the woman for sure! If her man thinks she's hot she usually feels hot.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Do we see ourselves clearly???
Posted: 12/2/2012 4:45:41 PM

using the 1-10 scale most people see themselves as 1 to 2 points higher than they actually are

egads...although that might explain my dating troubles...
 sc67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Your feedback is appriciated
Posted: 12/2/2012 5:32:57 AM

You have to be ruthless with tire kickers. If you can't get someone motived quickly, wish her good luck and move on. The ones who really are interested in you (as opposed to wanting you to convince them), will get back to you with a little more enthusiasm. Forget the ones who can't make up their minds.

word
Don't spend days/weeks e-mailing someone. If they seem interested set up a date right away. I prefer e-mail, phone, meet ASAP, but others may prefer to skip the phone part if they're worried about giving out their #. There is NO POINT in wasting your time e-mailing someone who doesn't plan on meeting. When I was looking to date I just stopped replying to guys who send endless e-mails...hi, how was your day...hope you're having a great day...blahblahblah.
 sc67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
 
She wants to wear a tux and be a groomsman at the wedding!!!
Posted: 12/2/2012 5:09:00 AM

Actually, you are the one here who is declaring that the wedding IS a show, and that you want everyone to pretend to be who they are not, for the sake of having it appear to people other than you, that everyone is "normal." So you really aren't making near as much sense as you obviously think you are.

Agreed. If the bride/groom don't have an issue with this, I don't understand why you're so upset over it. Lots of people do weird stuff in their wedding. You just go, give the happy couple your best wishes, & move on with your life. If it's not something you can stand to see then you stay home. Don't tell them why you're not coming. Don't create drama for them. This is not about you or your preferences. It is about them & who they want to share their day.
 sc67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
How does love work for you?
Posted: 12/2/2012 5:01:20 AM

I get the distinct impression that you fell for a “bad boy” or “player” or some such. A man who is good looking, attracts women easily, and never sticks around with any woman for very long. Now you (SC67) are a very attractive woman, so you’re probably used to men pursuing you, hitting on you on the street, in the grocery store, wherever you go. And this guy did not pursue, he did not chase, he made you pursue him, right? Consequently, you felt much greater attraction towards him than all of those countless men who have thrown themselves at you all of your life.

Am I right, or at least in the right ball park?

Yes to a lot of that. We pursue each other, probably me a little more & the butterflies I feel are probably telling me to run, run run!

lol...thanks for the compliment, but I definitely don't get a lot of guys hitting on me IRL. Granted, I'm usually wearing sweaty workout clothes & give aloof vibes (even though I'm not really that way) so...


I will agree that I have had butterflies due to attraction and then found out the person wasn't right for me either. That's why you always want to learn what's going on beyond that spark of first attraction. Some won't be much more than that. Luckily, some for me have been great guys - and others have proven not to be a match for me. But I still want that attraction in the beginning.

I want that too! But am I just not meeting the right person or is that spark not all that we think it is? Would I be happier accepting a 2nd date from the man who doesn't give me that spark on the first meet/date? What about after 3-4 dates & those butterflies don't happen? On to the next or just be happy a nice, decent man wants to spend time with me? Are those butterflies necessary or are they for kids in school & adults shouldn't be concerned with them?
 sc67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
How does love work for you?
Posted: 12/1/2012 10:34:22 AM

I think since high school crushes, I have never had any feelings toward nor dated any guy where I had that butterflies-in-my-stomach feeling for. Most times my feelings start off with, "I think he seems interesting" ... and I take it from there, letting the cards fall where they may.

Well...I clearly do NOT know what I'm doing when it comes to dating so maybe my thoughts arent worth much...haha.

I've been single 9 years & since my divorce there is only 1 person that I have ever had those butterfly feelings for, that lasted beyond a couple of dates. (over 6 years of those feelings now...grrr) I don't even get them on a first meeting or date anymore, but I wish I did. Problem is...the person I get those feelings for is NOT relationship material. Do you need those butterfly feelings to be in love? That is the question. I think that feeling sometimes tricks us into making bad decisions & lack of that feeling makes us discard people who would be a good long term match for us.

I feel the same re: spending too much time together. Maybe I just haven't met the person that would make me want to be with them that much, give them that much access to me & my time/life. (other than MAYBE the person I mentioned earlier)
 sc67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 160 (view)
 
Is it still expected that men pay for everything
Posted: 11/27/2012 12:47:45 PM
Nobody is really disagreeing on this so it has turned into a giant male ****fest. Does complaining about it make it change? If men STOP buying on the 1st date or any date thereafter it will no longer be this huge problem y'all seem to have. Talk to your boys & make it happen.
 
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