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 Author Thread: Justifying Cheating?
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 426 (view)
 
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 5/29/2012 4:00:54 PM
It's all about money.

The rule : 1 marriage at a time

The problem : When women get divorced THEY GET PAID. Maybe they earned that payout thruoughout the marriage but the perception is CHA-CHING and from a point of view marriage is just a long-term prostitution contract on deferred payment with heavy penalties for termination.

Hence : Men want to stay married (to preserve what they earned) and still have intimacy with a woman.

There is no question that finances are infinitely more important to a man than a woman. Finances are tied to a man's self-esteem just like a woman's beauty are hers. When was the last time you dated a homeless man? Right, never, men need wealth in order to get sex, and they need sex in order to remain emotionally stable.

In a bad marriage, he is denied sex, and in divorce he is denied wealth with which to be able to attract another partner.

A woman without money is no problem, she can get a new relationship in 5 minutes and have a roof over her head. Maybe not a GOOD relationship but something until the right guy comes along. Most women tho are too honest and touchy feely to be that pragmatic about it and instead demand to impoverish the old husband and bleed him dry to have her own condo and "support herself" on child support money and a schitty job as a cashier or something.

This is the reality folks.

Most women don't bring anything valuable to a relationship other than his love for her, if he's lucky she cooks and does laundry and he will get a solid 4 man-hours of productivity out of her per week while he's out earning "their" money. For a guy it's a terrible deal, it's like buying a jumbo jet for the free peanuts.

Women will retort "but I raised your kids" but think about it. Men don't charge when they fix the leaky roof or the car or do plumbing, and once in a while they change a diaper or pack the kids lunch. It's not like you're more useful around the house or doing something that he can't do for himself. You think you're entitled to half his earning because you re-arranged his sock drawer.

If you look at it honestly you can see that men get raped in divorce and they NEED money in order to be a provider and be loved.

Bottom line is no, cheating aint right. But it's understandable and in certain circumstances the only thing a man can really do short of declaring divorce and living in a cardboard box.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Women over 30 with children, willing to have more children?
Posted: 10/26/2011 11:49:07 PM

Nope. Guy I dated, and good friends with, did not have an uphill battle to obtain full custody.


Happy to hear that, however I believe that statistically does not bear out.


Really? Go tell my x husband that. His support is currently $17,000 arrears and increasing.


Is he paying anything? If so it may just be a case of an impoverished non-custodial parent struggling to make the payments.

Saying "bitter much, bitter much" every 5 minutes does nothing for your argument.

Listening to all the horror stories it's clear that CS system has screwed over everybody, moms, dads, kids.

Problem with CS is that it creates an economic dis-incentive for families to stay together. It's much more convenient to get a different man and collect the extra check from babydaddy, then you have 2 men and a woman supporting the child as opposed to 1 man and a 1 woman.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Women over 30 with children, willing to have more children?
Posted: 10/26/2011 1:07:34 PM

What types of "rights" are you speaking of?


I speak of a presumption that mother = parent, father = wallet which exists in almost all jursidictions and facets of family law.

If a father has custody it's because he was willing to fight an uphill battle to get it.

Man no pay child support = prison
Woman no pay child support = well we don't have a database for that

Woman attacks man in self-defense = probation, "you go girl"
Man attacks woman in self-defense = felony, 3-5 years

It's not so much the laws but rather the "white knight" attitudes of people who work within the system, like having 8000 breast cancer offices and 2 prostate offices, or having homeless men turned away, "Sorry these 5 shelters are for women, you can go to the one shelter we operate for men."

To speak nothing of the vast subsidies and guaranteed contracts set aside for female-run businesses, hiring process that discriminates against non-minority men, and a system of higher education that has alienated and fosaken male students (and to a lesser degree male teachers.)

Equality becomes supremacy and we begin to understand hatred of men is what drove the movement all along. It was never about equal opportunity, it was about women getting more and men getting less, economically, politically, socially and so forth.

Have a nice day.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 771 (view)
 
Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 10/26/2011 8:11:57 AM
For me personally "long term" means prospectively for life.

Sadly divorce is a possibility and after seeing many men with their lives ruined, financially in debt up to their eyeballs, broken families and custody battles, I don't want to ever go thru that.

If I had a lifetime guarantee of being with someone nice that we cared about each other, most certainly I'd settle down.

Reality being what it is, "long term" is the best I can promise with the hopes that it lasts forever.

I like women, why wouldn't I want to be with one forever? Home cooked meals and constant sex? Hell yeah sign me up.

But you can't promise me a lifetime, therefor neither can I.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Would you date someone 20 years older than you?
Posted: 10/26/2011 7:04:13 AM
Yes.

I wouldn't go LOOKING for someone 20 years older than me, but if I met someone and it was great then yes I would.

I also wouldn't put an ad out for a 20 year old college girl, but if we happen to bump into each other and turns out awesome, then yeah, age aint nothing but a number.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 90 (view)
 
Freakish to be over 30 and never have had a boyfriend?
Posted: 10/26/2011 7:01:12 AM
Kinda weird, might set off alarm bells, but I understand we all live different circumstances.

In some cultures, people don't really "date" or get to have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Women over 30 with children, willing to have more children?
Posted: 10/26/2011 6:58:08 AM

pull your head outta your as.s and quit acting as if the father has no rights.


In most jurisdictions fathers have no rights, and even in cases where they spent 50 grand on lawyers and somehow gained custody, women almost never pay child support.

In most courts mom = parent and dad = wallet, with the mom using the kids as financial flotation device and also an emotional weapon against the ex.

Also you shouldn't insult other users, be a little more understanding of other people's bad experiences that aren't the same as yours.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Reviews would help...
Posted: 10/26/2011 5:45:23 AM
Lose the glasses.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
profile/review and feedback please
Posted: 10/26/2011 5:44:32 AM
my name Matthew i perfer matt, im 27 will be 28 next month.
Ok here goes, I like to: cook, like to hang out, Im honest sweet caring,
I like all types of music except gospal, i like some country being garth brooks "the thunder rolls" and Alan Jackson "chadahuchie"
the one thing i can say is im blunt when I need be as for the rest of me,I am very bad at describing myself because i feel as though im putting myself on the spot when im trying to write. So instead ask me a question, it doesnt matter what it is ill answer it.
My pictures are my pictures i dont have a camera to take better ones unfortunatly

Change to :

Hello, I'm Matt and I'm 28
I like to cook, hang out, most types of music including Garth Brooks and Alan Jackson. I'm honest, sweet, caring tho sometimes I can be direct when I need to be.
Describing myself is difficult as I don't like to feel on the spot.
I hope you liked my pictures, I'll put up better ones when I get a new camera.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Profile review help needed please!
Posted: 10/26/2011 5:18:53 AM
Lose the first pic, the one with the flavor saver.

Profile looks ok, maybe a little too assertive.

Remove negatives ie "Don't be this, don't be that" you want to stay positive and list what you DO want. Try to soften it.

Best of luck
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
I think I could use some profile advice.
Posted: 10/26/2011 5:04:32 AM
Your profile looks ok to me, it could use a little more personality (like most profiles), regular guys like us are pretty generic.

Also please note that you're in Alaska where the male to female fish ratio is like 10 to 1 against.

Please try to stay positive and don't be like "woe is me", girls want us as much as we want them, it's just difficult to root thru all the pimps and players.

In the end it's a numbers game, be yourself and good luck.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
heard on the raido
Posted: 7/2/2009 6:48:01 PM
Yes it's ok, until it turns "serious."

Usually "serious" to me is the first kiss.

If we're exchanging bodily fluids then to me that's serious.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 84 (view)
 
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:37:47 PM
"It's obvious that we can't be attracted to the same person forever but men and women see sex in totally different ways. Most men do not need an emotional connection for sex yet it is how most men can and do express their love."

Spider

I can't imagine having sex with someone I didn't care about.

Just that men get that "emotional connection" super quick, like I can look at a woman, not even exchange conversation and be thinking, "Wow look at her, she looks so sad, looks like she's had a hard life, if only I could take her in my arms and make the pain go away..."

That's pretty much "guy thinking." For me personally there's always a deep sort of empathy involved in sex.

Whereas I think for women they're not into empathy, they want an emotional COMMITTMENT that you will not only take them into your arms NOW but keep them there indefinitely, and that you will make their well-being one of your top priorities.

This manifests itself as legal and financial constructs to keep the man PAYING HER because it represents the continuation of COMMITTMENT on his part.

I think on a subconscious level many women CHOOSE to make less money, because these legal and financial constructs BENEFIT the lower-earner, and thus represent the COMMITTMENT that she wanted from him from day 1.

In other words if she makes less money, he is FORCED to action his committment.

Like the example of the doctor who offered a 1 time lump sum 500k vs monthly payments.

Of course she'll take the monthly because it forces him to remain in her life and keep his committment to her.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:24:41 PM
Considering the opinions of both men and women regarding all the frustrations of being married.

Why does anyone think being marriage is ever a good idea?

How can you stand before God and your community, and make a vow that you will NEVER EVER EVER be with anybody else?

Doesn't that sound a little uh...disingenuous?

Does anyone nowadays actually BELIEVE that???

Marriage is essentially a financial agreement. It says "everything we all make is ours" which is good for the lower-earner (usually women) and bad for the high-earner (usually men.)

It can take months and years to dissolve the marriage, during which time any sex by any party could be considered "cheating."

Of course I want "real love" and so do most people, but it seems to me that marriage is the OBSTACLE to real love rather than its catalyst.

If you don't love someone anymore, all it should take is the words to SAY SO, then you can go love who you want and theres no cheating.

But with marriage there's umpteen months of court deliberations, financial hardship, etc before either party can MOVE ON.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 35 (view)
 
is it ok to continue a relationship when i know i don't love?
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:05:08 PM
Make a decision. Either let her go NOW, or decide to continue and give her all the love you can.

Yes I believe loving someone is a decision. The "goosebumps" etc are just in the beginning, I don't know anybody who feels that way 5-10 years down the line. I think people EXPECT a relationship to be all ice cream and lollipops forever.

It doesn't work that way.

If you care about her, if her well-being is one of your priorities in life, then make the decision to be with her forever.

If you can't make that committment to her in your own heart, then let her go now so she can find a committed man.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Should I ask adult child's mother to help her daughter?
Posted: 7/2/2009 3:50:23 PM
The "equal rights" thing to do : Make your ex sell the house, collect the 10k, get a second and third job, and contribute to the well being of her offspring.

The "man" thing to do : Suck it up and provide for my child as best I can, because my ex is a worthless sac of protoplasm and about as useful to me as a hole in the ground.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Should men pay half of the expense of women's birth control?
Posted: 7/2/2009 3:37:36 PM
You have no assurances other than her word that she's on BC.

Considering that women are master liars and manipulators, that should give you pause right there.

Even if you use a condom she can still use it to make herself conceive.

I use the "soak the boys in hot water" method of having control over my own reproduction, at least until male BC becomes legal in the US.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Should I have just kept my mouth shut?
Posted: 7/2/2009 2:55:47 AM
He's embarassed.

Instead of "Honey you did X Y Z wrong"

say

"Honey you're a GREAT lover, I want more, do A B C for me next time"

where A B C is foreplay, kissing etc etc
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 112 (view)
 
Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/2/2009 1:23:51 AM
This post should have been addressed to the FELLAS not the LADIES because that's where the problem lie.

To avoid the "steak hoes"

1) Basically if YOU are inviting someone, its basic civility that you pay for them. Since %99 of the time men approach women, guess what, we pay.

2) Spending alot on a date to impress her is a sign of weakness and supplication, she will not respect you for it, but she will certainly enjoy her free dinner.

3) Likewise expecting that since you paid for X Y Z then she OWES you a phone call etc, that is also weakness and supplication, you become essentially a "john" that pays for her attention with your money.

4) Every step in the dating process is an opportunity to SCREEN. I asked a woman once "What would be a great date to you?" She said "A broadway show" But guess what, since I don't know her well enough to spend $110 on her, I politely said goodbye and hung up.

5) Someone mentioned a diner, I really like that idea. You can order coffee/tea, chat, if you don't like her then pay the $3 check and leave. (suggest she leave the tip )

6) Learn to say NO. "Will you buy me a drink?" Um no. Will you buy me this teddy bear? Um no. Publicly women will say they hate this, but internally they understand YOU DO NOT WANT TO BUY THEIR LOVE and that puts you ahead of most guys. Most guys are so desperate and needy, buying her any piece of crap for approval, they LIKE it but they do not RESPECT it, that's immediate "beta male" status.

7) All of the above does no good UNLESS MOST GUYS PRACTICE IT. If 99 guys spend $500 on a first date, and 1 guy spends $5, the expectation is that if you play smart then you're "not worth the time", but if ALL guys spend $5 then playing smart becomes the norm, steakhos get upset, and everybody has a good dating experience.

That's my 2 cents fellas

Peace
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 181 (view)
 
Is kissing a important part of intimacy???
Posted: 7/1/2009 11:33:16 PM
wtf

not like to KISS?

I would drop them so fast.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Please explain Love
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:59:38 PM
My definition of love?

A combination of mercy, caring, sexual attraction and friendship.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:45:51 PM
Words like "cheating" are just value judgements which are meaningless to me.

I don't live my life by someone else's code of honor.

Lets say you fall out of love with someone, and you're about to divorce them, then they find out they have cancer, and you have health insurance, I'd have no qualms with stayng married to give them healthcare while going to live with someone else to have real love.

I'm not going to drop a human being's health insurance just to conform to social convention.

Opinions be damned, only my honor code matters.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Should men pay half of the expense of women's birth control?
Posted: 7/1/2009 10:05:39 PM
I'll pay half your birth control if you pay for half the gas it took me to drive to your house and plow you.

And oh yeah you owe me $600 thats your half for the dinners too.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time?
Posted: 7/1/2009 8:41:07 PM
Well first off what is "love?"

I don't know what it means. I know that throughout my life I've met certain people that I've cared deeply about.

And I still care about some of them even today, decades later.

So yes, I think you can "love" two people at the same time, BUT if you care about someone you shouldn't ever lie to them.

What most people think of as a "relationship" I find closer to a job application.

Will you :

Have sex with me and only me.
Take me out for good times once in a while
Help me pay the household bills
Take out the trash
Give me children

When my mother had cancer, my ex gf from 15 years ago flew in from California to help look after her. My relationship with her is more than a girlfriend, more than a wife. We understand and care about each other on a deep level that I'm failing to express.

"So why aren't you two married."

Because we're closer now than we ever were as a couple.

And because we both think "relationship" is a lame concept to begin with.

When I go thru personal ads, most of em look like job applications to me. Who gives a schit if you like the Yankees?

Love is organic and carnal, you can't control attraction, someone might not even say a word to you, but just looking at them you care about them.

And I'm not talking about "looks", like "ooh she has such big gazongas, I care about her" no.

Meh. Tired now write more later.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 117 (view)
 
Is it racism when....
Posted: 7/1/2009 8:07:21 PM
Who cares if its "racist."

Are you gonna stop feeling how you feel just because other ppl find it negative?

If you're not into asian women, then you're not into asian women.

It is what it is.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 350 (view)
 
Circumcised vs Un-Circumcised...
Posted: 6/30/2009 5:53:22 PM
"Several types of research have documented that male circumcision significantly reduces the risk of HIV acquisition by men during penile-vaginal sex."

This quote is from the Centers for Disease Control.

Most of the "anti circumcision" hysteria is from closet haters in Europe who want to get rid of this "barbaric practice" because it's supposedly a "Jewish thing." (not saying YOU guys here)

Its your progeny do what you want, but the numerous health benefits IMO outweigh any namby-panty "but won't the baby cry" objections.

Yes he'll cry. He'll scream. And his pee pee will be in pain for 2 days.

And then he'll grow up, forget the pain and say "Thanks dad for not punking out."
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Please critique my profile (be honest)
Posted: 6/30/2009 4:40:30 PM
1) The text
2) How do the pics look
3) Do I seem needy, arrogant, etc etc
4) What can I change to make it better
5) What are the best parts of it

Thank you for your honest opinions.

-Greg

(why does it say this post has to be 200 letters long? I'm trying to add filler text cmon let me post nooooow)
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Don't you find they cause problems?
Posted: 6/30/2009 4:28:50 PM
Meh depends on mood.

Barefoot is ok. Heels are ok too.

And no they don't get in the way.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Guys:: Would you message someone with no photo on their profile?
Posted: 6/30/2009 4:25:02 PM
No, I wouldnt.

And not because I'm "rating" you or whatever, but because a picture is worth 1000 words, seeing someone's face and eyes, you kind of get an idea of how they are, how they act, whether they're playful or shy.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 345 (view)
 
Circumcised vs Un-Circumcised...
Posted: 6/30/2009 4:15:40 PM
I was taken to be "cut" at the age of 5 or 6 by my mother.

Yes it was painful. No I don't regret it.

From my point of view she basically did me a favor, pain is nothing, it goes away.

Of course its difficult for a mother to watch, but you're not doing it for fun.

Your little man can handle it even if you get all mushy and emotional about it.

When he's 20 and his HIV test comes back negative, he'll be like "thanks ma"
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Whats with the harems?
Posted: 6/30/2009 2:16:53 PM
Total honesty?

Because today's woman isn't worth being monogamous to.

When you look at me you see my father, my grandfather, my great grandfather, chopping wood during the depression to keep his family warm, hunting pheasant to keep them fed etc. I would do that today in a heartbeat.

But when I look at you I don't see the quiet dignity of my grandmother, I see a tatoo of a butterfly on your a$$, I see you bootygrinding some guy at a Reggaeton club, I see profile photos of your big boobies hanging out of your dress. I see you getting hammered at the bar like an alcoholic. You're not my female ancestors not by a longshot.

I would die to protect my grandmother, but I would not fight to protect you.

And I know that sucks to hear because it sucks to say.

Flame on.
 papa1973
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Fellas, how would you honestly react to this?
Posted: 6/30/2009 8:56:42 AM
lol she didn't make a mistake, she gamed you lovely.

Go back and ask if you can eat her tuna. Sandwich. Tuna sandwich. On whole wheat bread please.
 
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