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 Author Thread: Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend, (my reply)
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend, (my reply)
Posted: 4/18/2011 9:21:32 PM
I've moved this over to Dating and Relationship Issues in order to continue. Moderator can delete this.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend, (my reply)
Posted: 4/18/2011 9:08:11 PM
Hmm...thread locked at 21 and before I even have a chance to reply. That is not fair.
So here goes.

Hey everyone. Thank you for all of your feedback to my original post. And thanks for being so honest with your replies. I realize people will all have varying opinions and I respect all of them. I'm thankful to know that there are apparently some women out there that would still give someone like myself a chance. Oh, and also thanks for encouraging me not to give up. I never planned to anyway! Fortunately, the women I've had dates with in the past few years have not brought up the question of past relationships, even after 3 or 4 dates, which has been a relief. But I thought I'd ask "what if" just in case. When and if a woman did ask, I'd be honest. There's no point in lying. It would only come out later anyway. I'd explain as best I could as to why I thought my situation is as it is. As a previous poster said, yes, there are quite a few men who've not had relationships, even in my age group. I know a few. I'm a 100% straight guy and have always desired female companionship, but I was shy in my teens and 20's, even though I still had the occasional date. I missed some great opportunities for having a girlfriend as there were a few women when I was in that age group, who were definitely interested in me, but my shyness kept me from going forward. Right now I just go about my life doing things that interest me and enjoying it in lieu of dating and hoping that maybe, in participating in these activities, I may meet someone. I'm not shy anymore.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Dating a guy who's never had a girlfriend.
Posted: 4/16/2011 6:12:05 PM
Ok, so let me ask this to the ladies. If you've gone out with a guy a few times and you're really starting to like him quite a bit, and THEN you ask about his previous relationships and he's honest with you and tells you he's never had a girlfriend AND he's in his 40's or 50's. What would you do? Drop him like a hot potato? Keep seeing him since you really like him anyway? What? And if most women this guy meets don't want anything to do with him because of this situation, what should he do? Quit and forget about women for the rest of his life, or listen to his friends and relatives who keep telling him to never give up?
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Forums difficult to find! [THREAD Closed]
Posted: 3/20/2011 7:37:44 PM
Why are the forums now so difficult to locate? They are no longer listed at the top of the home page and I can't find them! I had to google "plentyoffish forums" in order to find them and get in? What happened?
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 2/13/2010 7:16:25 PM

ohhh I like the above comment A LOT


I do too. Thank you!
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 54 (view)
 
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:28:56 AM

i do like to be very up front so i juggle between the best of both worlds honesty is the best policy ive been here forever trying to just communicate with woman it doesent work what do you do? how can you give of the wrong impression if your totally honest theres someone for every one "is,nt there"? i hate being a bachelor, it stinks.


My sentiments exactly! Yep, it stinks being a bachelor. I will always be upfront and honest. I won't lie, no matter what, even if it makes it very tough to find someone.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/23/2009 10:50:36 PM

And I don't see what shyness has to do with it. I was very shy and I'm still an introvert and still managed an LTR. I do believe there is truly somebody out here for everybody - even tho I don't believe in 'soul mates' or 'Mr & Ms Right.' I believe in Mr. and Mrs. Relative Right' - meaning regardless of the type of person or the how the relationship turns out that person was the right person for you at that particular point of time in your life, even if for nothing more than to teach you a lesson on who to avoid in the future. But you gotta not be afraid to take that chance and land the relationship and get married if that is the thing you want to do. Someone who reached the age of 40 and way beyond to near 60 says to me that they have a lot of fear about relationships and may have avoided them to stave off hurt save their vulnerability. I understand self-protection but that's not necessarily a virtue when it comes to relationships and personal commitment.


Well, being shy means it was difficult to ask someone out. I remember times that I had to pick up the phone numerous times before I got up the nerve to call and ask for a date. And when out on a date, it was hard to loosen up and be myself. I'd struggle to get a conversation going, when normally, I have no trouble chatting with people. So why can't you understand how difficult under those circumstances it would be to continue dating one person and getting into a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship?

You say that someone close to 60 and never married says to you they have a fear about relationships. Well, such is not the case with me at all. I've always wanted to be in a relationship. I have no fear of them, so you'd be wrong in my case, at least. Assumptions can be very wrong, so it's dangerous to make them.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/19/2009 11:24:55 PM
13karat: OP here. I do have a regular shift at work and I don't like the particular hours I have, but believe me, there is nothing I can do about it. Even though I've worked in this place 13 years, I'm still practically at the bottom of the seniority list. And as for never owning a home, well, I had every intention of eventually owning a home, AFTER I got married, or at least once I was engaged. That never happened, of course. Two people saving for a home is a heck of a lot easier than one person, unless that person has an extremely well paying job. I'm pretty good at math and with the incomes I've had during my life, it would have taken many, many years of living frugally for me and me alone to be able to purchase a home, more years than I was willing to give, and I'm not ashamed of that. Living 10 years or more going nowhere and doing nothing was something I wasn't willing to do. I wouldn't be able to do anything with friends and spending money to take a woman out would be out of the question. My sister and her husband were married about 9 years before they saved up enough to buy a home, and this was with 2 incomes.

People here ask what have I been doing for the past 40 years that I haven't met anyone who I've wanted to marry. Well, I've been living my life just like everyone else, going out, doing things I enjoy, alone and with friends, being a happy person most of the time, getting a few dates here and there, but mutual love has simply not occurred. I don't know why. It's easy for people to wonder why, especially those that go through life and somehow naturally meet people and form boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, get married etc. For whatever reason, it happens for them, for the majority of people, I suppose. But for these individuals, they can never truly understand why it doesn't occur for everyone. And for people like myself, it's the opposite. We, or at least myself, can never truly understand how it happens for you. I'm doing the same thing you are, so what's going on here? I don't know. But, I've still enjoyed my life, even without marriage and without a whole lot of female companionship. .... and by the way, my two best friends are women. I continue to enjoy a lot of fun activities and I live life to the fullest, as best as is possible. If a woman comes into my life, awesome! If not, I'm still having fun.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/18/2009 11:37:32 PM

I think the OP's problem comes not so much because he is a lifelong bachelor, but because, his profile reeks of negativity and his picture is not that flattering.
.

You're entitled to your opinion, but in actuality, my profile shows a fairly positive side of myself. And I am being honest, too. I like my profile picture and so do a lot of my friends.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
remembering song lyrics
Posted: 10/12/2009 11:21:05 PM
Well, I asked this question on myspace and here's a response I received that seems to make a lot of sense:

Its all about relevance. You remember what is important to you. I used to know hundreds of songs when I was playing covers. But I can't remember peoples names I met an hour ago. I use all all the room in my memory space for what I need.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/7/2009 9:05:27 PM
CassaGo, sad sack? I've proven no such thing, but if you want to see it that way, go right ahead. I don't see the good side of life. Yea, right. I don't sit home. I go out and and enjoy everything that life has to offer. Other than the lack of women, I go out and do a lot of thing, and have a lot of fun. When the woman left her number and I couldn't contact her, of course it's bad luck and I have a right to be upset about it. This woman really showed a huge interest in me. Am I supposed to be happy about a missed opportunity like that when they don't happen that often? And failing to ask for a phone number is my fault, not theirs. Where did you get that idea? Do you know how to read? However, when you say the missed opps are my fault, you are exactly right. I blame myself for most of my missed opps. However, I do blame the women for their preconceived assumptions. Fortunately, most of my recent opps, like the woman who I could no longer contact when she moved, never asked about my status and if she took the time to get to know me without asking about my relationship history, then I'm sure there others like her....Hmm, maybe I won't give up after all.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
remembering song lyrics
Posted: 10/4/2009 10:59:49 AM
I don't sing or perform music. I'm just a fan, but I see a lot of performers live in clubs, sometimes doing 3 sets a night, never repeating a song. Recently, it just hit me...how do these performers remember the words to all the songs they perform? Personally, when I buy an album and hear a song I absolutely love, I may play it over and over again for weeks on end, but when the cd player is off, I simply cannot remember the words to the song, sometimes not even how it starts. I think the only song I know is the Canadian National Anthem! I do have a theory, though, so maybe you performers out there can tell me if I am on the right track. I think our visual senses are stronger than our auditory senses when it comes to learning and remembering. When performers learn a new song, either their own or someone else's, they are constantly looking at the lyrics way before they ever perform it in public, so it's like an actor learning his lines, whereas those of us who just listen to songs over and over again, we hardly ever actually SEE the lyrics. This makes it much more difficult to remember song lyrics even if we've heard the song a million times. I continue to marvel at performers and how they rarely mess up a show by forgetting the words, although I have seen it happen on rare occasions.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/4/2009 10:41:40 AM

Laktor, I don't get your dilemma. You cannot POSSIBLY be blaming ALL WOMEN for your lack of success with women, can you? That's not logical.


No, but I blame them NOW. Their preconceived notions about why I've never been married sabotages us before we even have a chance.

"People on this site are telling me to forget about women"


Who said THAT?


Practically everyone here is telling me that it's normal for women to think there's something seriously wrong with me, and THEY wouldn't give me a chance. So, in effect, they are telling me to just forget about it. They are saying why bother, cos' you won't find anyone.

Let me give you a couple of examples of what's happened to me in my life. I was set up once with my friend's sister-in-law and we seemed to hit it off. She really liked me and we went out 3 to 4 times a week for awhile. But it turned out she was separated and in the process of trying to obtain a divorce. He was making it very difficult for her to get one. I didn't find this out for 3 months after we started going out and eventually, because she was so fragile with men, she couldn't commit and decided to stop dating. At the same time I found out about this situation, I also found out from my friend that she had been in two previous marriages, both lasting less than a year. The first guy left her on her honeymoon!! I could understand how fragile she was!

Then a couple of years ago, a nice woman who lived in my building with a 14 yr. old daughter showed an interest in me. We went out for some lunches and then I asked to take her to dinner and a full evening out. She was getting ready to move and said it would have to wait until after she was settled into her new place. On the day she moved out, I came home to find a note tacked to my door re-inferring this plus her new cell number. Well, she must have written down the number wrong, because I called a few times but got one of those automated voices asking to leave a message and never heard from her. I had no way to reach her. She could have called me, but didn't. See the luck I have??? Earlier in my life, I screwed up possible relationships because of shyness, well into my mid 20's, but that's not the issue anymore. I admit to having difficulty meeting women, so every opportunity I do get is something I need to pursue. And finally, just a few months ago, I met a woman on the subway who caught my eye and we smiled at each other at the same time. She came over to talk and we got off at the same station. For some reason, I froze and didn't ask for her number. Yes, a big mistake, I know. I don't why...I could kick myself. So you get the idea of what has happened to me, and why I'm still single..at least I hope you do.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/4/2009 10:19:15 AM

laktor223 is not necessarily "damaged goods" because of his age, he is damaged goods because he's probably a pisser to be around...


Here comes the assumptions again. Why do people have to assume anything? Why can't women just go out and see for themselves what a guy is like? Having a preconceived assumption sabotages a date before it even starts.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/3/2009 1:37:33 PM
I would delete my profile, except that I don't think I'd be able to post, and I still want to do that. But, I'm still finished as far as the main point of this site is concerned. In my everyday life, if I meet a woman who likes me and doesn't give a darn about my background, then fine, but if not, I don't care anymore. As for sex, I guess there's always escorts. People on this site are telling me to forget about women, so ok, I'll take you up on that.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 10/1/2009 9:26:55 PM
Ok, so what you're telling me is that I should just forget about ever getting married, forget about women, period, and just give up on my present life and hope there is such a thing as reincarnation, right? No point in going out on dates anymore, right? Gee, thanks everyone. There goes my belief in the goodness of the human race. Maybe I'll just call it a life and stop living. I guess you'll all be happy then.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 9/30/2009 8:58:14 PM
And, by the way, I have always wanted to marry and have a family...I wish I could have married in my 20's. It's something I've always desired.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 9/30/2009 8:56:44 PM

With that said, though, I will say that him being 57, no kids, never married requires a lot of explaining. I'm not as harsh as you about the stuff, but in a nutshell, it means that he LIKELY has some issues about being in or finding a relationship, emotional issues not hardly wanting to be on the market, or has a habit of making some real bad relationship choices in which he (thankfully) didn't choose to go down the aisle with.


Thanks, Confident-Realist, for attempting to defend me. I appreciate your comments. And with the above quote, you're absolutely right. Most women will definitely think it's strange. I started out very shy in my teens and it continued well into my 20's, although I did land a few dates. However, being shy, I wasn't very outgoing while on dates, so I screwed up possible LTR's, and I was definitely interested in them with some of these girls I went out with. Still, I've never found it easy to meet unattached women. My problem with meeting women now is my current status, never married, I'm not wealthy, I don't own my own home (I rent), I work shift hours (not 9 to 5). All of these factors figure negatively when it comes to women looking for a man my age, so it's difficult for me. The past is the past and is something I can't change. I've not had the opportunity to marry, and I would not marry someone unless I was in love with her and she felt the same about me and that combination has not occurred. I've been in love, but it wasn't returned and vice versa. And no, I've never had a one night stand.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 9/30/2009 7:52:42 AM
To 16madison and justwanttoknow: that's all bs. Just because you may have found it easy to get into relationships and fall in love, you think it should be just the same for everybody else? I don't give a crap how long we've been on this earth or what we've been doing, there are no guarantees you'll meet that someone special...no guarantees at all. There are always things we can do to increase our chances, but there are no guarantees. I know lots of outgoing people who have never been married and and I can definitely tell you that they want to be. People who find it so easy and see the same with all of their friends live in a very narrow world. They don't realize that for a small percentage of people, things just don't happen, for whatever reason. Luckily I surround myself with people who don't think as you do. Commitment phobia,....ha, ha..not a chance. I LONG for commitment. Unrealistic expectations..uh, uh. I've been so attracted to some women (very close to my age, by the way), but they are not attracted to me. Getting married and falling in love can be very hard for some. You just don't live in a world where you see people struggle in this department so you put them down. Shame...
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Why is it such a stigma to be an older bachelor?
Posted: 9/29/2009 11:49:39 PM
Why do women always put bachelors down? Do you really think it's easy to find someone, fall in love, and get married? Some guys sincerely want that, but it just doesn't happen to everyone. So why do you always put us down?
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 575 (view)
 
Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 7/10/2009 12:17:49 AM

I have no sympathy for people who spent their 20s sleeping around


This doesn't describe me in my 20's because I couldn't find any sex.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Bungee Jumping.
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:19:58 PM
I did it for the first time 2 years ago and I'm in my mid 50's. I drove 5 hrs. just to get there. I did it twice to make the trek worthwhile and it was a terrifying experience. For some people, it's really a rush and they love it. But I found it just terrifying....but, I'd do it again and see if I feel differently next time.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Getting Drunk and making an ass of yourself
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:16:54 PM

Ok I think it would be fair to say that almost everyone at some point in their lives has had to much to drink and made an ass out of themselves and or embarassed the person they were with. Lets see who has the funniest story.


No, not everyone. I'm in my mid 50's and have never been drunk. God knows I've tried a lot recently and alcohol has absolutely no effect on me. One time I drank 10 tequila shots in about 90 minutes. The stuff is darn awful, but it did nothing for me. I just went onto the computer and sent e-mails and messages. Not even any spelling problem... Man, I wish I could find out what it's like to be drunk, but I can't!!!
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Eyes Wide Shut: quite possibly the most misunderstood movie of all-time?
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:09:26 PM
Boring? I was very intrigued by this film and could not turn my eyes away for a second. Loved it!
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 572 (view)
 
Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:05:11 PM
I've always wanted to get married and always will want to, no matter how old I am. Doesn't matter that marriage has eluded me thus far.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 64 (view)
 
How long have you been single??? Whats the longest?
Posted: 7/9/2009 9:03:00 PM
My status has always been single, unless you want to count someone I saw exclusively for 4 months, but although I was seeing only her, and didn't want to go out with anyone else, she didn't consider me her boyfriend and dated other guys during this period.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Losing one's virginity, some say it's easy
Posted: 7/9/2009 8:58:53 PM
[So many people I ask - mostly women - scuff at me when I talk about sex. They say it's so easy to get laid, that they can go up to any guy on the street and ask.

Of course, it's easy for women to get sex. Because most guys would never turn a decent looking woman down if she made if very clear that's what she wanted. Unfortunately, it doesn't work the other way around. Men can't indicate to a woman that they want sex, and then the woman will just jump at the chance...uh, uh...no way. Yes, women can pretty much get it any time they want, but us men find it much more difficult. Throughout my life, I've found that sex is very, very difficult to come by, unless, of course, you just go out and buy it. For some guys, it is easy and for others, like me, it's the other end of the spectrum. I'm not going to analyze reasons. It is the way that it is...that's all. You get what you can when you can. For some, it's a lot, and for others, it's very rare.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Problems with the finish.
Posted: 7/9/2009 8:51:36 PM
Believe me buddy...you are not alone, although when alone, it should never take 30 minutes!
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 367 (view)
 
Brazillian (shaved)
Posted: 7/9/2009 8:50:44 PM
What is so attractive about shaving down there? I love natural pubic hair..always have. It's natural and there is something just erotic about it. I've given oral on many an occasion and hair has never, ever been a problem. Bald is just no visually stimulating to me. Of course, if I really like a woman, hair or no hair, it doesn't really matter.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 95 (view)
 
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/8/2009 7:33:18 PM
Oh, and in case any of you are wondering...no, I've never lived with a woman either.
 laktor223
Joined: 7/4/2009
Msg: 94 (view)
 
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 7/8/2009 7:26:54 PM

I have always wondered why women and men that get to this age have never married at least once.

Why do people remain single at all? Tuka


I wonder how people manage to get married. Think about it. First, you have to meet someone who is "available" and who you are attracted to. Then you ask her out and hope she says yes. Next, you have to like her and hope she likes you. Then it's time to ask for a second date and hope she says ok. Finally, you have to like each other enough that you want to see each other exclusively (a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship). Then it has to grow into love and then marriage. So that's a lot of things that have to go right. I'm amazed that it happens as often as it does!

I'm single, never married and in my mid 50's. Most people feel that if a guy my age has never married, they either are afraid of commitment, there's something wrong with them, or they just have no interest in getting married. Everyone seems to feel that if someone wants to eventually marry, there is no reason they can't. Not true! I've always wanted to marry and have a family, but I need to be in love with someone in order to marry them and know that they feel the same about me. This 2 way street has never happened. Perhaps some people just haven't met the right person. I know that I haven't. There's lots that can be done to increase the chance of meeting that special someone, but there's still no absolute guarantee that you will. I personally know a lot of people, both men and women in their 40's and 50's and even 60's who have never married and I KNOW that they've always wanted to. There are a lot of us out there. Fortunately, I have not been teased or taunted about being single. I go a lot of places alone where my interests lie and meet lots of people and make a lot of friends (single, married, young and old), and they always see me by myself but they never ask if I've ever been married. I guess I'm fortunate that I don't feel that I'm an outcast. Being single is, unfortunately, what life has dealt me (so far), but I have learned to enjoy a lot of other things that life has to offer and I still am willing to get married for the first time, at any age, if I meet someone and we fall in love.

Getting married is easy for some people, just as easy as meeting people and getting dates and into relationships. For others, these can be very difficult things and an awful lot has to go right for it to happen.
 
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