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 Author Thread: So you say you've found someone you trust eh.....
 TrailerPartsBoy
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 22 (view)
 
So you say you've found someone you trust eh.....
Posted: 11/9/2008 11:39:45 AM
I’ve finished reading the rest of the replies and the first thing I need to say is; some of you people need to REALLY read the original post. I’m not ranting, I’m not angry with anyone, I’m not waiting to get in her pants , she’s not a motel room for the night or anything else like that. I’m asking a question about trust and used my situation as an example; that’s all. I do respect her and her bf and the happiness they’ve found in each other. I know she has good morals and can be trusted. He sounds like a great guy and any lady would be lucky to have him…..hell if he’s half as good as he sounds I might consider turning gay and try hitting on him hahahaha jk jk jk…..NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT

For those who asked if I’d be okay if my gf had a long-time male friend from out of town stay over for the night my answer is, “yes.” Now if this male friend was an ex, someone they’ve slept with before or someone they’ve only known a short time then I’d have to say the same thing her bf did, “I’m not comfortable with it.” Maybe in my situation she did use the bf as an excuse. I don’t know and it doesn’t matter. Maybe I could’ve done a search of the forums and found something that sounded like my example. I did think of that but I also didn’t think I’d find one with an example like mine. It doesn’t really matter because if too many people felt that way then the post would’ve been removed. Hmmmm…..I wonder if people think I’m mad because I’m using my example to start a conversation about trust in a new thread. Perhaps in the future it would be better to do that search and just post my example in a “Trust” thread. Ok so it’s too late for that so how about we just put that question out there:

Given the example in the original post, how do you feel about trusting someone in those circumstances?
 TrailerPartsBoy
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 20 (view)
 
So you say you've found someone you trust eh.....
Posted: 11/9/2008 10:03:14 AM
I’ve read through the first page of replies to my original post and I’m pretty surprised at how many people are saying “don’t be mad, don’t be angry don’t be uptight” and so on. I’m not angry, mad uptight or anything else. I’d say the biggest feeling I have is disappointment. My original post was simply asking if other people find it hypocritical to say you trust your bf/gf but then forbid them from having a LONG term friend, of the opposite sex, stay on the couch for the night.

There are a few people who have been able to see what I’m saying. Yes ImJ9 I did find the comment “kissing the free hotel room goodbye” rather insulting. She's not a free motel room. She's a friend and that's it. I have morals and my own taste in woman who I'd have a relationship with. She doesn't match my tastes and my moral of, not sleeping with someone who has a hubby/bf, wouldn't let me jump in the sack with her even if I wanted to. I'm not a home-wrecker

My2cntsin the reason I “go out of my way to stay in a platonic relationship with a married woman with children who is separated for her husband and now has a boyfriend” is plain and simply; she’s someone whose company I’ve always enjoyed. As for the “AND willing to drive FOUR hours to be with her PLATONICALLY” I didn’t drive those four hours to be with her. I drive those 4 hours because I have meetings twice a year up there and she lives in the same city. Geez here’s a perfect example of people reading into the original post.

As for the whole thing I still stay that if I’m with someone and this situation arises then it’s my gf who I’d have to be concerned about trusting. It’s reminds me of when I was married and my wife would sometimes go to the bar. I trusted that she was coming home to me and not go home with some guy. Ultimately, when I was traveling out of town for business and was only home every second weekend, it did turn out that she went home with someone. But given that bad experience I’d still give my “approval” for my gf to go to the bar. I’m not going to stop trusting people because of what someone else did. I trust people until they give me a reason to not trust them.

I thought we were past the days of “Three’s Company” but it sounds like we’re not. It sounds like a lot of people still think a man and a woman can’t be friends and not go for a roll in the hay. BTW just to let you all know we did get together, we did have a good time catching up, I do respect her bf feelings (even if to me they aren’t logical), and in the end I just couldn’t visit as long cause I had to drive home…..which wasn’t any big deal.
 TrailerPartsBoy
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
So you say you've found someone you trust eh.....
Posted: 11/6/2008 9:57:35 PM
It seems that you people are missing the point that if anything were to happen it's her choice not mine. If it were only my choice then it would be called rape. BTW they've known eachother a lot longer then 6 months. They've only been dating for 6 months.
 TrailerPartsBoy
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
So you say you've found someone you trust eh.....
Posted: 11/6/2008 9:53:20 PM
Sorry next but I'd say your post is a rant....guess i at least learnt that any further posts from you aren't worth reading...thank you for the ranting sarcasim and good day
 TrailerPartsBoy
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
 
So you say you've found someone you trust eh.....
Posted: 11/6/2008 8:19:49 PM
I know those of us in a relationship like to think that we’re in a “secure” relationship but I had a situation arise today that made me really wonder how secure we really feel in our relationships. The situation is that I’ve been friends with this lady for close to 20yrs. Our friendship has always been platonic. I could never allow it to be more then that simply because she’s not my type.

Anyway the thing is that I now live 4hrs away from her and don’t get many chances to go visit her and her kids. Whenever I do get back there I’ve always been able to stay at her house, on the couch, for the night. Tomorrow is the first time I’ve been back there in the last year. I let her know that I was gonna be in town for the day and we made plans to get together. She also asked if I was planning on staying the night and I told her yes. She then told me that she’d have to run by the new boyfriend she’s been dating for about 6 months. Her and her hubby separated about a year ago after she discovered he’d been cheating on her with the same woman for the last 10yrs. So she ran it by her boyfriend and he made it clear that wasn’t acceptable.

The thing that has me wondering is that she says the same thing I hear so many others say, “we really trust each other.” Now if that’s the case then why is it so hard for people to accept that in today’s world there’s many platonic relationships like hers and mine. Isn’t it hypocritical to say we “trust” someone and then tell them they can’t have a friend of the opposite sex stay the night?? After all if we trust our bf/gf so much then why is this so hard?? Maybe we don’t trust them as much as we like to think we do because ultimately if something was to happen wouldn’t that be the choice of the person we say we “trust so much.” If you had a bf/gf and said you “trusted” them then would you be able to feel secure if they had a friend of the opposite sex stay the night??

PS. <--- it's not too early for this is it??
 TrailerPartsBoy
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 46 (view)
 
For those that have been married before - would you do it again?
Posted: 8/20/2008 6:31:47 PM
Well I don't like to say "never" because who knows what tomorrow will bring. Really the only thing I'd change this time is I would ensure it was for the right reasons.

Now with that being said I also have to agree with Gene Simmons views on marriage. For those of you who watch his reality show you already know that Gene says "I'd rather be here because I want to be here and not because I have to be." It might sound crazy but really what is marriage?? Yes it's a sacred vow to love, honor and cherrish someone but I can already make that vow everyday in the way I do things. If I'm a cheater, abuser, lier........does putting a ring on my finger and signing my name suddenly change that?? In reality marriage is something that society pressures us to do so we can satisfy everyone elses expectations of what they think we should do. But again, who knows what tomorrow will bring, right
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Would You Tolerate This Behaviour?
Posted: 2/8/2008 4:03:51 PM
Plain and simply........

Never make someone a priority who makes you an option
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Has anyone experienced this?
Posted: 1/24/2008 7:15:44 AM
No Brunette and Nacho I'm not bitter but I do think it's ridiculous of PEOPLE to say the woman should do this and the man should do that. I've seen so many posts that always say what a man and woman "should" do or how they "should" act. How about if you want to meet someone you go and meet them or make arrangements to meet somewhere that's equal for everyone. I'll apologize to you ladies for what sounded like a personal attack. I realize it comes across as that. I just find it funny that everyone's looking for love but everyone is also waiting for the other to make the "right" moves. How about we all makes moves and if they're not reciprocated then you know your answer.

A little saying that I've heard that I think really fits here is this:

Never make someone a priority who makes you an option.
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Has anyone experienced this?
Posted: 1/24/2008 6:46:47 AM
So Nachogirl you think it should be up to him and only him to make every effort to meet??? Whatever happened to "hey let's meet up somewhere and spend the day together." You sound like the type of person who loves to let everyone do everything while you sit back and decide whether it's good enough or not. Talk about feeling like an elephant doing all the tricks for a handful of peanuts at the end of the day.

I'd say be patient OP. It sounds to me like both of you have built a great friendship and if it's meant to go farther then it will when the time has come. Good luck.
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Who should pay on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 10:34:08 AM
Well you're right Douglas but at the same time I didn't want us to start out and then have it come up later. I never want ppl to think I'm using them so a lot of times I won't accept offers like that just because I don't want it to come back and bite me in the ass later on. I think it took me a total of about 2yrs before I finally said I'd take her up on that offer without travelling with her. We don't date anymore but she's still someone I consider to be a good friend.
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Who should pay on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 10:25:58 AM
I'd never feel comfortable having to always pay to go out with someone. If I've asked them on a date then yes I pay for it. But at the same time if we've gone out a few times and I'm still expected to pay for it all then I wouldn't be continuing to date her. Always having to pay for everything would make me wonder if she only likes me cause of the money or not. Just as I don't like a woman to pay for me all the time because I don't want them thinking that I'm only there for the free ride.

I once dated a lady who worked in the airline industry and a few times she always told me that I could get cheap tickets to anywhere through her. It took awhile before I accepted this offer just because I didn't want her thinking that I was only there for the cool deals I could get.

Like I said earlier; having a woman at least offer to pay is nice and will make a very good impression on me. Not even offering to pay is a good way to get me to start backing away in one helluva hurry.
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Who should pay on a first date?
Posted: 1/17/2008 8:18:15 AM
It's pretty rare for the women to ask the men for the first date. The first date for me is to come prepared to pay for it all. A woman who offers to pay will make a good immpression on me. If we go to a movie or something afterwards and she said something like, "you got dinner so I'll get this" she'd make an even better impression on me. I like being taken out too and I wouldn't date a woman very long if she didn't at least offer to pay for something sometimes. Forget about the women feeling like hookers for letting a guy pay all the time. I'd feel like a "john" if I have to pay for everything all the time.
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Swinger terminology?
Posted: 1/14/2008 7:28:54 AM
I don't know for sure but maybe it stands for "just sexie."
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
don't worry about it
Posted: 1/12/2008 10:42:45 AM
Thanks for the profile review TO but that's not what this post was originally about. I found a profile that I thought was pretty funny but after posting it here I re-thought that and decided I shouldn't have done posted it. So I tried to delete the post but could only earase most of it. I was hoping that the community would just vote to remove this post but I guess not. I also don't believe in these profile reviews because everyone has there own belief on what is good and what isn't. If my profile sounded mean then I'd probably consider redoing it but I know it doesn't sound that way. Personally I like my profile and think it says enough about who I am. If people want to chat with me after reading it at least it's a start.
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
 
don't worry about it
Posted: 1/10/2008 5:13:13 PM
Ok
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
confused .... or over analytical?
Posted: 1/10/2008 10:44:45 AM
OP I've just gone through something similiar to this. I've been chatting with a really nice lady from my town but I couldn't figure out why she wasn't returning any emails that I sent. Not like she had too but it made me wonder if she was even interested in chatting anymore. Around here it seems that if ppl don't want to talk to someone anymore then they'll just stop replying and stuff. Anywys I emailed her and literally asked her if "she was still interested in chatting anymore." I figured that if she didn't want to talk anymore then I'd get no reply or maybe get a reply that said she wasn't interested in chatting anymore. I was happy to hear from her and that she did still want to chat :D There was a reasonible explanation and I've made a friend with someone who seems to be a really nice lady.

Basically what I'm saying is that you should ask him. Things happen all the time that make us wonder what's going on and we can either jump to conclusions or we can just ask about it. Give them the oppurtunity to tell you what's going on and don't be accusatory when asking

BTW I LOVE THIS LITTLE GUY ------> <--------
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
What do you think? I have low self-confidence and finding a girl with the same would be good right?
Posted: 1/7/2008 3:06:38 PM
My first suggestion is stop saying "I can't." When you say that you've already set yourself up for failure. Perhaps you could try doing things right now and if you don't get it right the first time then try again. We all fail at some point but few will learn a lesson from the failure.
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
When a woman says she's attractive in her profile...
Posted: 1/5/2008 8:43:21 AM
It doesn't mean anything to me when thier profile says they're "attractive." I think beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe they're physically attractive but does thier personality match. Someone who's either mean or plays the "dumb" card will be a bigger turn off for me then anything. By "dumb" card I mean women who act like Pamela Anderson. Men go on and on about how hot she is but for me it's her stupidity that makes her totally unattractive. Or how about those women we see on tv who weight 500lbs, wear a string-bikini and go on about how hot they are So really I'd have to decide when we met whether she's attractive or not.
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
those little things that mean so much.....
Posted: 1/2/2008 9:43:15 PM
I totally agree that it should be a 50/50 thing. But I’m also wondering if women feel that a man appreciates these little gestures?

I’ve had flowers and other gifts sent to my work and I’m wondering if this would bother the men. Personally I love getting and giving those kinds of things. But years ago I was in management with a high volume 7-Eleven and one day my ex sent me flowers. I thought it was great but I was surprised at how many of the guys who came in wouldn’t have liked it. So I’m wondering what the men have to say. Belly obviously appreciated his wife’s coffee but would flowers or other gifts being sent to his work have bothered him?

Sorry to hear about your bad experience there nocal. Try to not let it stop you from doing those other little things like the women have mentioned here. Sharing your deepest feelings and getting would that response would sure suck man but that's kind of a BIG little thing. Somewhere out there, there's someone who will listen and not hurt you.

Thanks for the replies and btw what does "OP" stand for??? I haven't done a lot in the forums but I see that a lot.....the first one to tell me doesn't get hit with....
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
 
those little things that mean so much.....
Posted: 1/2/2008 5:54:56 PM
First thing I'd like to say is.........

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL!!!!!!

Ok my question is about those "little" things that every woman says means so much to her. Since women like it when a guy will do those liitle things for her do women think of doing those little things for thier bf/husband?? Also if you do the little things do women feel that men truly appriciate them for it??

Now men do you appriciate the little things that women will do just because they want to make you smile?? Also do some of those little things that they'll do kind of freak you out?? Like if a woman sent you flowers at work would you think it's a nice gesture or would you hate it and tell her to never do it again??

 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
not a clear pic...
Posted: 1/2/2008 11:21:05 AM
Personally I respect a woman more if she doesn't do the "let's jump in the sack" thing on the first date.I'm looking for a GREAT relationship but I don't feel that those GREAT relationships come from a few nights in bed together. Right now I'm trying to get to know a lady from where I live and I have a lot of respect for her because she doesn't wish to share a pic. She's told me that she wants people to get to know her for who she really is and not just for what she looks like. I respect her for this and I figure that if I some day get to see her for real then we can go from there but for now I'm just happy to get to know who she really is.

 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Are men afraid of christian women?
Posted: 1/2/2008 9:58:38 AM
No offence to you but I've found that people who go to church every Sunday and call themselves "christian" to be hypocritical and judgemental. It's like they think they're perfect because they have "religion" and everyone else should live up to thier standards. I believe in a higher power but I only go to church once a year and that's on Christmas eve. I prefer to call myself "spiritual" rather than "christian." I don't know if that helps but maybe those guys who are turning and running have had similiar experiences and just don't want to even bother with it anymore. The bloodiest wars in history were over religion.
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Trust
Posted: 12/29/2007 7:45:54 PM
I agree with a lot of what ppl have said so far. Don't put all men in the "untrustworthy" category and let them earn you trust. Really all I can add to it all is that it's been scientifically proven that nobody is 100% honest. But there's the difference between harmless lies and harmful lies. Your ex's lies were the harmful kind but if someone lied about how much they paid for something then that'd be what I'd call harmles. You'll always run into lying and it's up to you what you'll tolerate and what you won't. For 17yrs you put up with the harmful ones; learn from it and move on. Find in yourself what you'll tolerate and what you won't. Then stick to your tolerances, let ppl earn your trust and then continue to earn it everyday that you know them.
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
ok I'll bite....
Posted: 12/7/2007 11:33:37 AM
I'd tell you what my profession is but then I'd have to hunt ya down and kill ya....and everyone else who reads this Seriously though there's nothing so secret about my profession. I'm in retail/wholesale sales. I'm with Western Canada's largest trailer parts supplier and from past experiences on here I've found that when I tell ladies this they'll mysteriously not want to chat anymore. It might not be a rocket scienctist but it's something that I love doing. Maybe I should put it in there.....I'll have to think about it. Thanks for the input Martin :)

 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 57 (view)
 
whos your dream man/woman
Posted: 12/7/2007 9:32:17 AM
If we're dreaming then I'd have to say Jeri Ryan with Borg implants and all But I don't think I'm gonna hold out for her

 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
ok I'll bite....
Posted: 12/7/2007 7:06:35 AM
Can someone please read over my new profile and let me know if it sounds better. Thanks

 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
I Think I Need A Review
Posted: 12/6/2007 6:37:34 PM
np ryno. It's too bad some people can't take constructive criticism for what it is. It's never easy to hear someone be critical or judge what we've done. I guess some people just take criticism better then others eh.

<-----he's green.....RIDER PRIDE BABY!!!!!
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
I Think I Need A Review
Posted: 12/6/2007 4:59:12 PM
It's obvious that Mike doesn't understand the meaning of "constructive criticism" so here it is. Mike if you'd like to check it out for yourself you can see it at www.dictionary.com. BTW your responses to the people responding to you asking for a profile review have shown everybody more about yourself than any profile ever could. I can't believe that rynomite is still offering to help you after the things you've said to him. Oh and also you're profile is the best I've ever read. I really don't know why women aren't swarming to your door and begging for a date

Main Entry: constructive criticism
Part of Speech: n
Definition: criticism or advice that is useful and intended to help or improve something, often with an offer of possible solutions

 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
I Think I Need A Review
Posted: 12/6/2007 2:30:54 PM
Actually joy it'd be better if this post stays up cause then people will be able to see how he interacts with others. His post has probably done more to hurt his profile then anything he could've actually said in it

 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
ok I'll bite....
Posted: 12/6/2007 1:22:52 PM
Well I put thin just because I'm not an athletic type of person. I like watching sports like football and hockey but I don't like playing them. I'll have to consider talking about the job that I love just cause I don't think people wanna hear about that kind of stuff until they've met or chatted with the person. Thanks for the insite though grummy
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
ok I'll bite....
Posted: 12/6/2007 11:41:58 AM
Thanks for the input OTE. Can you tell me what makes it sound like I whine a lot?? I've never considered that but if people are reading that way then I've really gotta change it. Also I do have my diabetes under control but anyone who knows a diabetic knows that sometimes chit happens. I haven't had a low blood sugar for years now but that doesn't mean it'll never happen again. Thanks again for the feedback; I really do appriciate it :)
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
 
ok I'll bite....
Posted: 12/6/2007 6:57:43 AM
Someone wanna give me a little feedback on my profile?? There's times where I wonder what my profile says to people who don't know me. Too bad i didn't see svj's profile review earlier lol.....i think his name's svj lol. Thanks all.
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Tractors spotted on the 401.
Posted: 11/23/2007 5:20:10 PM
I'm sure the prairie folk will be smart enough to bring their own beer
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 24 (view)
 
tool in saskatoon
Posted: 11/23/2007 3:08:43 PM
ok I agree that Ryly's isn't a good place to go but I also seem to remember that a lot of the time the bands playing in Saskatoon will sometimes go there after the show. Can anyone confirm this??
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Tractors spotted on the 401.
Posted: 11/23/2007 2:39:33 PM
Yeah that's funny.....prairie folk running outta beer you really don't know us that well do you

GOOOOOOOO RIDERS!!!!!!
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
tool in saskatoon
Posted: 11/17/2007 11:26:46 AM
Yeah I used to LOVE Lydia's til the management changed. It's never been the same since then. I haven't lived in Saskatoon for over a year now so I don't know what's hot and what's not. If you're looking for pool, darts, music and a few drinks I'd suggest maybe trying out the place where Saskatoon people have those singles meets...I think it's called the Broken Cue. I can see the place on 51st Street but damned if I can remember the exact name. There's also Sharkies. I don't know what it's like now but it used to be a nice lounge to go and shoot some pool in. Sharkies was beside Denny's on Circle Drive. If you do Sharkies there's 3 hotels right there within a block of eachother. It's also not too far from Credit Union Center (Sask Place for the old people) hahaha.

Have fun at the concert. A few of my friends are going to that. I wish I was going. It's gonna be a rockin show
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Long read but I thought everyone might find it interesting
Posted: 11/7/2007 8:33:00 AM
I hope posting this here isn't going to break any of the forum rules. I found it on the MSN website and thought people might find it rather interesting....I know I did.

Do you misread your dates?

By Alix Strauss

He was an adorable, smart stockbroker with soft blue eyes and dark hair. As we took our seats in the restaurant, we chatted pleasantly about the appropriate info: How we knew the person who’d set us up; the last movie we saw; a little bit (but not too much) about our respective professions. The waiter came to take our drink order. My possible future husband, wine list in hand, looked at me and asked, “Bottle for the table? Or do you want something stronger?”

“Diet Coke,” I told the waiter.

Though the date ended fine, and he was pleasant throughout the evening, something felt off. A few days later I found out why. Said date went back to the source of the set-up and said, “She’s nice, but was totally uninterested in me and having a good time because she only ordered a soda.” Sigh. If only he’d taken a moment to ask, I’d have gladly cleared up his misconception. I happen not to be a huge drinker. I happened to have had a Diet Coke craving. And, I happened to have liked the guy. But he didn’t ask, and there wasn’t a second date. In essence, he sold us both short.

The worst mistake a dater can make
On dates, people are constantly trying to interpret each other’s actions, looking for signs that will help them figure out if things are going well (or not so well). But the problem is, all too often the assumptions people jump to are just plain wrong. Just ask Garrett, a 40-year-old from NJ, who was on a date that was going great—until it came time to order. Spotting the waitress’ name tag, he called her by her name and kidded with her about the menu. His date, however, took this as flirting—and a sign he wasn’t interested in her. “Why would I flirt with a waitress when I’m on a date? I’m just a friendly guy,” he says. “I actually thought the girl was rude because she didn’t say ‘Thank you’ to the water guy.”

While many people make the mistake of misinterpreting someone’s actions in an overly optimistic way (“Gee, she must like me because she ordered dessert!”), overall, pessimism reigns in the dating realm. Often, it’s someone’s best intentions we read the wrong way. Mitch, a 41-year-old from New Jersey, recently took a blind date to a restaurant he’d frequented. Familiar with the food, he gave her a few suggestions and recommended they get a wine he really liked. Later, he heard through the grapevine that his date thought he was too controlling. “I was just trying to be helpful!” Mitch says.

Sometimes, we shut down our options before we’ve even met them, as Californian Jean, 37, did when a prospect proposed meeting up for coffee—but she refused purely because it suggested he might be cheap. “Looking back, maybe I should have just met him for coffee,” she says. “What’s the worst that could have happened?”

Why we misread signals
What’s driving so many daters to assume the worst as they look for love? Some experts attribute it to nerves, which can trigger a cascade of negative assumptions and easily result in a self-fulfilling prophecy. “When you’re on a date, which is a stressful activity to begin with, it’s easy to see the glass as half empty rather than half full,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of DSI: Date Scene Investigation—the Diagnostic Manual of Dating Disorders. And this can prompt us to protect ourselves by ferreting out flaws. Also, “on a first date, people tend to look for reasons why it’s not going to work out,” says Alyssa Wodtke, author of Truth, Lies, and Online Dating: Secrets to Finding Romance on the Internet. “Why? Because the fact that you’re on yet another first date means it hasn’t worked out in the past. You’re expecting failure and, as a result, you’re setting yourself up for failure.”

Dating someone whose beliefs about gender roles or money are different than yours can also cause trouble. Meredith, a 37-year-old from New York, felt she was being a gracious gal when she’d split the bill rather than just assume a guy was going to pay. That is, until one guy expressed shock when she reached for her wallet. “He asked me if I was having a good time, and I said sure,” she says. “He later informed me that he took my offering to pay as an indication that I didn’t like him. I did like him, I was just afraid of coming off as a girl who expects to be taken out.”

Even when the involved parties attempt to set the record straight, lack of trust can be a problem, as Felicia, a 35-year-old from Massachusetts, knows all too well. Upon meeting a guy for drinks, she told him she had to get home early due to an early meeting at work the next day. “I just wanted to be upfront,” she says. “But when I didn’t stay for a second drink, he seemed annoyed. When I asked him if something was wrong, he accused me of making up the meeting because that’s what people say to cover themselves in case they don’t like the other person.” And at this point, his insecurity was such a turnoff she wasn’t that interested in convincing him otherwise.

How to put an end to the confusion
No matter what we do, we’ll never be able to read each other’s actions entirely accurately. But if you’d like to curb the confusion, go ahead and ask for an explanation to clear things up. If that’s too forward for you, try this: Instead of assuming the worst, try assuming the best, says Wodtke. “Rather than searching for flaws in someone before you know them, give them the benefit of the doubt,” she says.

“Stop thinking and just enjoy the company,” says David Wygant, a dating coach and author of Always Talk To Strangers: 3 Simple Steps To Find The Love Of Your Life. “And once the date’s over, don’t rehash it over and over. That’ll make things worse.” A recent date I’d been on could have benefited from this bit of wisdom. He and I had only spoken on the phone two times, and though I’m an affectionate person, I felt a handshake was more appropriate when meeting him. The guy, however, went in for a kiss on my cheek, which made me wonder: If this is what he wants now, what will he expect at the end of the evening? A fair assessment? Maybe. But is it really the truth? There’s the story we make up in our heads, and then there’s what really happened. Perhaps he was just overzealous. Perhaps he was just being friendly. Or perhaps I should have turned off my antenna rather than turning it up.

“No one’s a psychic,” says Wygant. “Ninety-nine percent of the time you don’t have a clue to what the other person is thinking.” The bottom line is, jumping to negative conclusions can sabotage your chances of sticking around long enough to see if you truly are compatible. Lay your suspicions aside, and years later, you two could be laughing about all the horrible things you thought about each other when you first met.
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Can you offer some insite as to why people do this???
Posted: 5/14/2007 3:26:31 PM
It kind of makes sense but at the same time I still think that people would be doing themselves and everyone else a favour by saying where they live. If I come across a town that I didn't recognize the name of then I just go to map quest and look it up. It's kind of funny to read through peoples profiles sometimes because of other things that I find like, "must not do drugs." But then in the profile it says that they do drugs lol. Or even better is the one that I saw that said inorder to contact this person you must not be looking for an "intimate encounter" yet they have it checked off that they're looking for an intimate encounter hahaha. Seems pretty simply to me LOL.
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Just plain rude.....
Posted: 5/13/2007 10:15:34 PM
Ok so it's not just me who finds this. I'm a pretty good person and trying to meet people on here seems to be even harder then in real life. Personally I respond to everyone who writes to me. I figure that if they were nice enough to say hello then the least I can do is say hello back. I dare someone to write me and say hello hahaha
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Can you offer some insite as to why people do this???
Posted: 5/13/2007 10:09:02 PM
Hello all :) My question is plain and simply this. Why is the purpose of people not giving what city they live in?? I mean they're here to find friends or someone special and all they'll say about where they live is, "Saskatchewan." They have pictures up and everything so if they're trying to hide from someone then it's probably not working too well. So anyways does anyone have any idea what the reasoning for not putting down a city of residence could be? Thanks
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
How to make a woman happy....
Posted: 4/16/2007 3:48:20 PM
I don't think you've read that list correctly.....it's you who's suppose to show up naked on my door with food. I'll be happy....I promise haha

So the choice is mine now eh. Ok I'll take:
34. understanding
44. compassionate annndddddd.......
3. lover.....relationships with crappy sex just suck

Ok so now which of the 3 from that list would you want a guy to have?

 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
 
How to make a woman happy....
Posted: 4/16/2007 11:26:12 AM
Here's a list of the things we need to do to make a woman happy. I'm willing to compromise and give any 3 of the following

How to Make a Woman Happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy.
A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

ALL SHE HAS TO DO TO MAKE THE MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
What did your last ex teach you?
Posted: 2/11/2007 10:38:20 AM
That sometimes the strength we see in somone is actually anger that's cleverly disguised as a strength.

If my gut tells me that something's not "adding up" then there's a reason for that and I shouldn't ignore it or I risk having more than a sore stomach.

If someone hasn't proven that they're financially sensible then don't put them on any type of joint financial account.

It really sucks serious monkey-balls when the person you're with isn't laughing or having a good time.

Some people really do change when they drink heavily.

Being silent for too long while angry with someone isn't a healthy way of dealing with anger.


On the brighter side of things:


Cats are pretty cool....still not as cool as dogs but a very, very close 2nd.

There is some vegen food that isn't absolutely to puke over

Sometimes the change that people make when they're drinking can be a change for the better. Some people aren't @**holes when they drink.

There is no feeling in this world that compares to having someone welcome you home.

Ok that's all I can think of for now. On a different note, I've been noticing that there's only 308 more days left til Christmas. So with that in mind I'd like to get an early start on something this year hahaha
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Someone please tell this guy about POF :^0
Posted: 2/4/2007 9:11:52 AM
hahaha...we don't need more wierdos but I'm just thinking of the wildlife.

I can't believe you guys are voting to delete this thread. Can someone tell me what's wrong with it besides it being a rather gross/touchy subject.

<----thought I'd get an early start
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Someone please tell this guy about POF :^0
Posted: 2/4/2007 7:47:10 AM
I found this on another website and thought some of you would like to read it too:

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bryan James Hathaway, a 20-year-old Wisconsin man with an apparent out-of-control fondness for venison, has been charged with engaging a deer in an affair of the flesh. It’s called bestiality and is against the law.

Hathaway, of course, has hired an attorney who is advancing a very unique defense: Because the deer in question was dead at the time, his lawyer argues, Hathaway should not face a misdemeanor rap of sexual gratification with an animal.

By the same warped logic, since the deer is unable to testify otherwise, it must be assumed that the sexual encounter was consensual!

Other relevant facts: The deer was about three years old in animal terms, making it 21 in human terms—clearly not a case of sex with a minor.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You know we shouldn't really get down on this guy for his crime of passion. I'm wondering if he was only after a little "white" tail hahahahaha.

Here's another thought; I sure hope that it was a doe and not a buck that he did this to. Although with a buck he'd have something to hold on to while going for his little ride

 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 21 (view)
 
your ideal holiday
Posted: 2/3/2007 3:17:25 PM
OK here's the ultimate trip for me:

Going out to Hollywood and seeing the sites. By sites I mean specifically BOB friggin' BARKER!!! I'd probably kill to go to the Price is Right before Bob retires. He could gimmie a set of car keys or maybe teach me how to putt Face it BOB ROCKS!!!! .....saying that you don't like Bob after this post will result in me having to hunt you down hahaha
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
your ideal holiday
Posted: 2/3/2007 8:15:43 AM
If I could go on a trip anywhere I'd want to take a tour of Area 51 and see all the cool stuff the U.S. Government is hiding. Then I'd want to travel around the world and stop in countries and pick-up what that country is best known for. Stuff like wine from France, a pizza and some leather from Italy, Vodka from Russia, the real Heinikien beer from Germany.....although I don't think I could go to China for Chinese food cause I've heard it's not the same kind of Chinese food we get in restaraunts here.

On another note that's totally off topic.....when are we going to get rid of these??

 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
 
What would you do if.....
Posted: 1/4/2007 2:16:28 PM
Ok let's say that you suspect that someone isn't being totally honest with you. You know of a website in which they're a member and you'd be able to get the honest truth if you went there and read the forums. How many of you would actually sneak in to read those forums to either confirm your suspicions or prove they're telling the truth?
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Legalize Prostitution?
Posted: 12/29/2006 9:47:36 PM
I know it's legal in Amsterdam and Vegas but I don't know where else. Horsin' you make me lmao but I'm trying to find out why it SHOULD NOT be legalized lol......u know I really like this banana guy hahaha.
 MrPickle
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Legalize Prostitution?
Posted: 12/29/2006 8:23:09 PM
A little while ago I got into this conversation about what's wrong with legalizing prostitution. We came up with quite a few reasons that it should be legalized but only one for why it shouldn't. Our single reason was that it makes cheating for spouses easier. But then we agreed that the internet makes that easy enough too. So I'm wondering if any of you can tell me why prostitution shouldn't be legalized.
 
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