Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: read for help :)
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
read for help :)
Posted: 9/1/2011 5:55:04 AM
No help to be had, OP; just a learning experience everybody here has already graduated from.

Time Served. She left you behind after finding something she thought she liked better. Now she wants to keep you on a line while she looks for her next better thing. I promise you, absolutely promise you, that if you let her back it's only a matter of time until you find yourself on the curb again, feeling even worse because you allowed yourself to get suckered twice.

Give it up, and Hang Her Up. You're not getting over anything, as long as she's still around itching at the scab she left. Don't talk to her, don't text her, don't accept a candygram. If you want to heal, she's got to be gone.

And, even then, it's going to take time.

Sometimes, simple advice is true, even though you'd like to think the problem is "more complex than that." Yeah - you adored her... but she farked you over. Move on, and find your own life again.
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 201 (view)
 
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 9/1/2011 5:39:07 AM
Why are people on dating site if all they want to do is turn people down causing harm to good caring people who want to meet someone


Well, that's a telling post, right there.

And I'm not sure the thread question isn't of the same nature; "Defend your refusal to be unselective." It's a trick question, like, "Why are you still so 'affraid' to be homosexual?"

Or, "Why are you so 'affraid' to date ARMYMANFORYOU?"

Or "Why are you so 'affraid' to have sex on the first date?"

Or "Why are you so 'affraid' to buy a Dodge?"

Just because you don't doesn't mean that you are weak - that you are 'affraid.' You just don't choose to - and that's allowed.

You don't need to be a little hurt birdie to choose who you have affinity for. Everyone does not have the unalienable right to come slouching into every corner of your life; - you're a person, not a WalMart.

Yeah - by the time you reach this forum, you've collected your battle scars in love. You've piled up plenty in all the other aspects of your life, too. By the question's logic, you should be one great big bundle of wrinkly fears.
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 123 (view)
 
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 8/29/2011 8:26:33 PM
I have been told in other threads that not settling is a good and admirable thing; now not settling becomes one of POFs infamous "red flags?"

Not surprising. ~Grin~

What is it men in women do require
The lineaments of Gratified Desire

What I Desire, I have not found; at least, I have not found in someone who was available to keep.

Sex is not so rare as some would bemoan it; beauty is an illusion, and more fleeting in age than anyone on this board who values it will admit. I have loved for passion, and found that passion burns like Magnesium, in white-hot brilliance and far too quickly. I have loved compassionately, I have loved companionably. And I have never once been not alone in the center of it.

I desire someone who understands me. Someone I can talk to. Someone I can relate to, and can relate to me.
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Am I making it obvious enough!?
Posted: 8/29/2011 5:47:14 AM
Ten points to Igor - I am stupidly, obliviously blind to "hints" and "signals." In hindsight, I was pathetic. And, in foresight, I will be again. But when she asked me to join her across the street to the local pub after work, it started an amazing five year relationship.

And, naturally, after the break-up the work experience was hell on earth. I wouldn't recommend it... but, honestly, for another five years like those, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. ~grin~
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Movies/TV shows that have rain and thunderstorms
Posted: 8/29/2011 5:35:08 AM
Double Feature for "Old Dark House" - "Dark and Stormy Night."

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1245091/

Don't see one without the other.
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
CCW on first date?
Posted: 8/29/2011 4:53:49 AM
Wassamattawidu? Never carry on a foist date - too tempting. ~grin~

Its a Joisey thing.
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Would you date a man/woman who doesnt have money?
Posted: 8/29/2011 4:41:51 AM
I usually bring my accountant to a first meeting, for a casual audit; no sense in wasting time getting to know them only to find out later they haven't diversified their portfolio. You'd be amazed at the number of shopgirls, clerks and secretaries who actually believe they deserve a date because of who they are rather than what they've got.

It's pathetic.
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
is is reasonable
Posted: 8/28/2011 6:33:15 PM
Damn, damn, damn! How did you find out? Whoever broke the code of silence is dead when we find her. Now that it's out I'll admit, we have a secret society where we meet to share emails and laugh and laugh and laugh at you poor pathetic men and your emails. And we enjoy it!! We do.


Foolish female - did you think we were not aware of your evil schemes? Be warned: S.H.E.M.A.L.E has broken your control code. John Nash has been studying Cosmopolitan, Us, and Oprah magazine for four years now, and his notes have been verified by our leader, Stephen Hawking - codename, Professor Y. Our transsexual operatives have infiltrated your sad group - you have no secrets from us.
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 75 (view)
 
Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 8/28/2011 10:58:42 AM

P.S. At 48, you're still YOUNG!!!


~LOL~ And that's what I thought when I used to wander the "Over 30s" Board, and looked warily at the old folk in the board below me.

Believe me - I have No fear of the reaper; I've been dead before. It's over-rated. ~Grin~ But 'common wisdom' is that as you approach AARPage, the Christmas rush is on to find a mourner for your send off. I never believed it myself, and, as I suspected, neither do most of the people who posted in this topic. And I applaud that - nice to know our generations are independent enough not to be obsessive about finding somebody - Anybody - "to grow old with."

The Golden Oldies came up through a period where you defined yourself by your job and your relationship; nowadays, you don't see that piteous "she's a spinster" attitude anymore, or that distaste for "He's a 'confirmed bachelor'." Partnership can be a preferred option rather than a social necessity. And it thrills me that we've embraced that for ourselves.

If you see me posting overly-fey verbiage, as I did with the question in this thread, I'm trying to communicate that it's slightly tongue-in-cheek. Hopefully, nobody here is going to conk out anytime soon. But I refuse to let Mr. Dead become He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

He's not all that - he can wait his turn.
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Dating vs. Long Term on pof?
Posted: 8/28/2011 9:24:00 AM
It's a tricky thing, and off-putting in both directions. To my eyes, someone who posts that they are looking for a "Long Term Relationship" is so tied up in the goal that they've discounted the importance of finding the right person for it; they're looking for "pre-assembled," with no batteries required.

And with that comes the shopping list of what s/he Has to be, not be, have, not have, want, not want - it's off-the-rack romance, and I do not believe in it. At All. As a workable strategy, as a successful path. Abel, above, is the only person I've noticed who actually got this place to work, and he and his girl got it right - it developed organically.

People are self-revealing; I, rightly or wrongly, look at that LTR declaration as a negative - even when it may not be meant to be seen the way I see it. There's a taste of "fit my mold" that I rebel against; there's an expectation of a possibility of promise I cannot possibly make to a more-than complete-stranger based on shaky, unsubstantiated, self-perceived claims placed in a sketchy biography. I won't have somebody pissed at me because "I said I was looking for LTR," I won't have somebody sad about themselves because "Whats wrong with me?" I won't stand to be catwalked to audition for some part somebody wants to fill in their lives. It's silly; I won't play.

IF I find someone on here I can connect with, they will be wise enough to know that a journey starts with a single step, and not a roadmap pre-marked in highlighter.
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Zombie Redundancy
Posted: 8/28/2011 8:38:21 AM
An interesting concept, and a better understanding of the way things work around here. Thanks for the illumination.
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Zombie Redundancy
Posted: 8/28/2011 7:15:45 AM
I've noticed that this place is hopping with zombie threads. Wandering the forums, I see a topic, click over, and find out that Wally21 had a problem in 2007 that people are still slogging at. I don't know if Wally is still around, or if he's still concerned with his POF paramour's obsession with Brad Pitt, but his question and his quandary live on.

Now, I wouldn't concern myself with this overly, except POF would prefer for us to resurrect Wally's 5-year old question rather than deal with Sally's new problem with her new friend's Lady Gaga poster in his bedroom - the thread is redundant.

Which it may be.

But with at least 5 years and half a million archived threads, I imagine Every question that could be asked Has been asked by now. Frankly, the purpose of the forums is simply verbal masturbation - everybody has a vexing situation, everybody wants to be a sage, so they all get into the forums and scrum it out. Every new baseball game is a new baseball game - The Phillies play the Mets. Again. They don't go into inning 927, because the game is redundant.

Is there a reason you don't just cap a thread off at 2 years and delete it, allowing someone to ask the question again? When a thread hits 50 pages, it's a good bet that anything anybody is about to say has already been said (over and over again) somewhere in the depths of the thread... making their answer redundant.
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
socially awkward?
Posted: 8/27/2011 7:53:04 PM
It means you put too much stock in the sage wisdom of some lonely-heart stranger you met on a free dating site. C'mon lowell - for all you know, any one on here could be sitting home doing bug taxidermy. If they were social superstars, they wouldn't be in here scrounging dates. Don't take it to heart.
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 23 (view)
 
what are some of the times you most miss a relationship-not the obvious ones
Posted: 8/27/2011 6:42:14 PM
I'll let my favorite band speak for me -
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xkk0ar_things-i-miss-the-most-steely-dan_music
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 66 (view)
 
Plenty of Fish or Plenty of Saboteurs
Posted: 8/27/2011 3:46:10 PM
"A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. How about a nice game of chess?"
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 62 (view)
 
horror movies = red flag?
Posted: 8/27/2011 3:27:56 PM
But listing Micheal Bay, in the same breath as Kubrick, Scott, and Cameron
~shivers~


Hey - you gotta problem with a guy who puts the line "I'm directly underneath the robot's testicles" in a 200 million dollar budgeted blockbuster???

.... well, now that you mention it... ~LOL~

We'll replace that with Spielberg, who did "Duel" as a first film.
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 60 (view)
 
horror movies = red flag?
Posted: 8/27/2011 2:11:20 PM
Relax, Nokturnal; not everybody gets it, and not everybody has to. Personally, I thought about starting a topic "Romantic Comedies = Red Flag?" - have you ever seen a Nora Ephron film? Or "What Women Want?" ~Grin~

Talk about horror...

The genre doesn't need defending - it's one of the earliest forms of filmed storytelling, with "Frankenstein" attempted by Tom Edison back in 1910. Hitchcock, Polanski, Friedkin, Herzog and Kubrick respected the genre, and Ridley Scott, James Cameron and Micheal Bay cut their teeth in our company.

If you really feel slighted, go hit Rotten Tomatoes for a look at critical acclaim for "Atlas Shrugged." You'll feel much better.
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 507 (view)
 
Erectile Dysfunction
Posted: 8/27/2011 4:36:28 AM
...
...

Am I the only one in here that maintains a vigorous, vigilant self testing in here? I even keep a log book...

...Well, it's a log sheet, actually. On a clipboard on the wall by my bed, with one of those pens on a chain attached. It's only a 'log book' when I add it to the maintenance archive book at the end of the month.

Flipping back the years here... memories, like the corners of my minnnd... oh - '93; a very good year... Ah. There we are - 1975: The Great Awakening. Lessee.

Ok, well, it sure looks like there's been some decrease in frequency per-diem - what a busy little devil I was back then. I'da hated to be someone who shook hands with me back then, I'll tell you. Of course, we've got the big storm out here on the coast today, so that's bound to bring the average up a bit...

Hose pressure seems OK; no calcium build-up in the pipes, I guess. The boys can still do a 4' long jump from the tube, which isn't bad at all, when you consider their size... still have to wear the ol' safety glasses - have them hanging there with the log sheets.

Now This is interesting: it does take significantly longer to prime the pump. Used to be that the wise old owl only needed three licks to get to the center of a tootsie-pop: "One.. to-whooo.. three. Three" Now... well, significantly more. 850, by last count. But that's been pretty steady since ... ahhh... 1999? No - 1998. April. Give or take 75, and the type of porn I was watching. I put that down to the nature of of repetition - after 30-40,000 nekkid women rolling their eyes with their tongues lolling out like a St. Bernard, it all gets rather routine, I guess. There was a hot period here around '05 when I discovered midget porn, but that peaked within two weeks, I see...

Ah well. That was fun. Thanks for taking the time to read about the health of my willy. It's been the study of a lifetime: I hope you enjoyed hearing about it as much as I enjoyed compiling the data.

Although, I'm guessing, that's not very likely.
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Guys that don't drink.....how do we
Posted: 8/27/2011 3:39:49 AM
Scott, here's a secret for you;

Yeah - you can compete.

The thrust of your question isn't about alcohol, if you really look at it - its introversion. You're not bemoaning the fact that you can't drink these people under the table; you're bummed because you feel you can't do a Katey Perry Fireworks display like they can because they're three-sheets.

But plenty of extroverted people can do all the wild and crazy stuff without a drop of the devil to egg 'em on. The trick for you is learning to put on The Mask.

Yeah - capitalized: as in The Movie. Create a persona. Act. Even though your skin is itching like Smokey Joe when his junk ran out and every nerve is screaming at you to retreat, Don't. Not immediately, anyway.

You will Never meet a dryer, shyer, more introverted egghead than me. I'm fascinated by the dipole hole in Venus' cloud layer near its North Pole. But I've dragged a crowd of twenty through kitchens to escape company functions to the freedom of the nightclub on the other side. By deciding to just Not Be Me.

You can't hold the mask up forever - I do twenty minutes of act followed by a discreet exit and ten minutes to recover and reajust before returning as Vic Ferrari Junior. It helps if you have multiple tables to cover - that way you only need to put the act on for five minutes at a time for any given group before you go to "check on" everybody else. What a popular man you are, Scotty...

You can brain through this stuff, Scott. Use social tactics like you'd use ju-jitsu; keep them off balance, be reactive in an active way. And the best bit is, as they get drunker, you get cooler. You're reading clearly, you adjust faster, the whole room is filled with players with no poker face. It becomes an evil, manipulative game and for once you are the master of the room.

Even if the master has to go outside, wipe off the greasepaint for a moment, and breathe freely for a minute or two. Give the people what they want, keep the good stuff for yourself for the evening.
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
What types of sleep overs do men have?
Posted: 8/27/2011 2:58:23 AM
...
...

Well, if you must know, dearie...

Usually we start with a theme; my favorite is "Which 'Sex in the City' girl am I?" (I'm almost Always Carrie), and it's Appletinis all around until eight.

Then, it's sing-a-long time - we put on some little thing like "Xanadu" or "Grease" - although "Chicago" has become popular in the last few years - and hand out cards that tell you which role is yours. That really breaks the ice, and by then the Appletinis have really started to kick in and things get really silly.

So usually somebody brings something fun to put on the TV, like "To Wong Fu Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar," or "The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert," or even some old John Waters thing if Gross Jeffy is there, and inevitably somebody brings out "The wHoley Screen" we made for last New Years, hides behind it and rings the dinner bell.

"Cum and Get it!"

Then whoever isn't busy playing with the wHoley Screen starts a couple of rounds of "Naughty Cole Porter," and what happens next, dear, is frankly best left to the imagination. Eventually, the elder queens just retreat with some hankies to watch "Brokeback Mountain," while the puppies play on the rug in the living room.

Hope that helps! Kisses!
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 30 (view)
 
man's reluctance to have me meet kids
Posted: 8/26/2011 1:43:44 AM
OK, not my area of expertise exactly, but it's my morning walk through the Internet to get my brain humming, and this feels like the only thread I haven't bloviated in, so here goes.

Relationships have mile markers, and, as a private person myself, I tend to see them in terms of invasiveness. In the early stage of "a relationship," the whole thing remains optional; you have your good things and I have mine, and I'll see you next time. Episode over. When bobby pins start showing up hidden in my medicine cabinet, I feel the thin end of the wedge being applied. Bobby pins lead to feminine hygiene products lead to hairspray, hairspray leads to a bag of extra clothes that just shows up one evening and gets shoved into one of my drawers (and never, ever gets worn, for some reason). It's like "marking territory." Personally, I can't remember ever showing up at any woman's place, ever, with a duffle of underwear and socks on a random Tuesday to stuff her armoir with. It's a Strange Woman Thing, and expected - but warily watched to be relationship strength appropriate.

The relationship you've described is not a normal one - it's more than a borderline LDR, so when you say 6 months, it doesn't say much. Is six months 6 dates? Clock time is meaningless - face time is a relationship calendar.

"Meeting the kids" is pretty far up the invasiveness scale to me (admittedly, I have none, but I can extrapolate): that's two changes of clothes, closet space, at least two frivolous decor changes and permanent stuff in the passenger seat storage compartment levels of familiarity.

I've been with women who hold off my meeting the kiddies, and I've been OK with that; my need to meet them is tied to the likelihood that I'm going to be interacting with them on any kind of regular basis. Usually, that means that within six months I'll be emergency taxi for unexpected pick-ups from skating rinks, etc. Introducing me means I will be, to some degree or another, popping up into their lives on a regular basis.

Otherwise, looking to meet the kiddies for a "Hi, kids - I'm with your parent, and I just want you to know that" seems pretty proprietary and creepy to me. You've skipped the whole bobby pins/sanitary products/Lladro placement escalation, and gone for the relationship connection jugular.
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
 
What's the big deal with sarcasm?
Posted: 8/25/2011 7:21:13 PM
It don't impress me much.

Webster sez -

1: a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain

2: a mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual

So, if you're looking for an expert on bitter, cutting remarks designed to give pain or belittle, you know what to look for. To advertise oneself as being especially good at it seems more the domain of Alt.com under the category of amateur sadist. It doesn't require intelligence, and its not humor (unless you love Don Rickles). It's low, and common; It doesn't require creativity - just a desire to demean and the ability to vocalize scorn.

I don't find it admirable. or even rare - you'd be hard-pressed to find anyone over the age of seven who is incapable of it, and anyone over twelve who couldn't consider themselves expert at it.
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 56 (view)
 
horror movies = red flag?
Posted: 8/25/2011 4:14:07 PM
I just spent last weekend handling Q&A/interview duties for a NE horror con; in fact, I've been doing it for about ten years now.

If it's a flag, Color Me Blood Red.
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 59 (view)
 
Snuggle?
Posted: 8/25/2011 2:46:59 PM
Hi - Thanks for reading my profile.

I like to cuddle. And by cuddle, I mean glom onto you like a lamprey, and breathe on your head until you think someone left the heater on.

No - you can't reach the remote: I'm cuddling. Stop squirming - I am in fond and loving embrace, dammit - just stay still, for Christ's sake... Feel my arms, like fleshy ropes, pinning me into your personal space while you try to watch "Everybody Loves Raymond." And when I laugh at Robert, you feel my breath, a hot sirrocco wind, tearing at your left ear.

Is this not paradise? Is this not true romance? Wait - where are you going? To the bathroom? Are you coming back? Ok, I'll wait right here then.

Don't be long. My arms ache for you.

I want to snuggle...
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
this is for the guys !!
Posted: 8/25/2011 1:55:42 PM

Lady, woman, baby. Is there a particular desired order here? Sounds like biker tomfoolery. Or someone way too Celine Dion.


Or too Seventies-Lounge-Act;

"You are my woman, and I am your man;
Oh baby, you are my lady, and my moustache and chesthair glistens in the firelight...."


I've seen cornballs. And I've seen flakes.
And now I've seen a cornflake.

Either double desperate, double sleazy, double greasy or double horny. In any case, you should not have to ask how to read this one. Run away.
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Confused about You're too old for me responses from women
Posted: 8/24/2011 8:28:57 PM
Why ask why? You don't have a right to explanation; people have their personal preferences, and that just happens to be theirs.

I'm sorry, OP - I understand that you are bummed out that someone - or several someones - have excluded you, but like so many "sub-perfect wonderers" ("Why do people read and delete me?" "Why can't people see past the fact that I look like a Panamanian Gorilla?" "Why does my morbidly obese frame turn women cold?"), your question is simply asking people to defend the way they feel about things.

It's not unfair for them to decide what they want. It is unfair for you to ask them for an appeals hearing. It's petulant. Shake it off, and get back in the game, if you're looking for a win.
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
dating people with stds?
Posted: 8/24/2011 7:49:44 PM
Is there a question in that strange thought cluster?

Is it the title?

Then the short answer is "Are you serious?????"

And the long answer is "If the relationship is not "happily-ever-after," at least you can console yourself with the fact that the herp he gave you is, knocking you out of the dating pool for anybody who won't prize your disease as a memento of "what might have been." Heck yeah - sounds like a great idea.

You go first...
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 52 (view)
 
If a good friend were to ask you, why do you think you're single?
Posted: 8/24/2011 5:50:24 AM
Colonel Pickering already understands perfectly why I'm single. I believe he thinks it's for the best, for the sake of both genders.
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 116 (view)
 
Whatever Happened to Romance/Courtship, etc.?
Posted: 8/23/2011 1:49:59 PM
Probably a worthless addition, but let me throw something in here...

A while back in this thread, I was talking about social contracts. Not too long afterwards, I found myself amazed, bemused and astounded. This crusty old galoot was shining up his armor because he was caught off guard by the oldest coy ploy in the books:

The old "16 Going on 17" Gambit. You know the song...

"Totally unprepared am I
To face a world of men
Timid and shy and scared am I
Of things beyond my ken..."

Flinty, jaded and cynical, and I started to swallow it hook, line, and sinker.

After a friend shook me to my senses, I realized that it was still a Brilliant Play. It was an offer to waltz.

I bow to no one, ever... except to a woman curtseys to me. That's strange, abstract little sentence, but try to understand it.

In a world of mixed signals and unequal equals, I am absolutely LOATHE to jump through hoops for women who are looking to "hold the power." They have no power over me, and I'll set my heels like a Missouri mule. When the message is more ambiguous, I stay ambiguous; I see no need to give what I am not given, but a partnership is possible. But a woman that defers? Then, at least to me, romance and courtship are in the air. Opening doors? Walking on the streetside of the pavement? Flowers and notes?As natural as breathing in a dance where a man's role (IN THE DANCE) and a woman's role (IN THE DANCE) are defined so traditionally that there is no need for analysis of roles, moment to moment. Like a waltz, the steps are timeless, and in tandem a couple is swept up.

That being said, in retrospect it scared the hell out of me. ~grin~ I thought I had rusted that aspect of myself solid years ago. It turns out, all it was waiting for was an invitation to dance again.
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Matchmaking services
Posted: 8/23/2011 4:13:23 AM
I'm sure there are legitimate matchmaking services out there, you just need to do your due diligence. Just like you wouldn't hire a contractor to work on your house without doing a background/reference check, don't use a matchmaking service until you check them out thoroughly.


The thing is, Singleguy, if I hire contractors to put in a new kitchen, or den, or bathroom, when they leave I Have a new kitchen, den or bathroom. It's a results-oriented thing. When it comes to "Dating Services," it's simply POF Without The Option Of Read /Delete.

Attend; here's what I found about a local service that charges $5,400.00 for the bottom end of their "full package" -

"______ uses hard sell tactics and the promise of an elite group of quality men like you are interested in....and what did I get? Custodians, perverts and idiots. Not 1 meeting in 2 1/2 years."

" I signed a contract. Then they started setting me up with women that were not my type. No offense but I was not attracted to them and several were much larger than me. I'm a very active person and that's what I wanted.

When I complained about it to ________ the lady got upset, saying love is about more than physical attraction. "Isn't that my choice?" Of course she was easily 100 pounds overweight. When I didn't actively date for a month or so, they would threaten to deactivate my account temporarily. They would not refund my money, which was outrageous. "

"Another absurdity was that no photos of "referrals" were provided, with them only giving you vague descriptions of how beautifully attractive everyone was. Then, of course, you go through the trouble of a wasted blind date, and _______ checks off the number of your remaining "referrals.""

"They had been sending me nothing but Blue-Collar workers who worked in the Trucking or Packaging industry. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with blue-collar workers. What I have an issue with is people who stare at me like I am the second coming, or who cannot hold a decent conversation to save their lives. And that was what I was getting. "

"After meeting, I found out, from him, that not only was this guy not an office worker, he wasn't even employed! _________ said that he had been injured and was recieving disability. This guy had not been injured. He had been fired. He was not recieving disability. He was hoping to find a lawyer to sue the company for wrongful termination. "

"I am overweight and he gave me hope that there were high caliber men who would overlook that and want to know the real me... what a farce that is probably turning out to be."

Now.... can't you do all of that just as well for free right here?
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Connecting From A Distance...
Posted: 8/23/2011 1:28:01 AM

Two women who I work with quit their jobs to move in with their new love. One moved about 3 hours away and the other moved half way across the country and left a teenager behind. Both were back within 6 months.... but like I said to each their own....


Well, right there is the thing, Andy; really only one has a "Need" to make it work - the one that uprooted their lives and wandered off to a distant location based on a bunch of flowery emails and a couple of hormone-drenched RL meet-ups. Your story of two women you worked with has been repeated over and over and over again - I've been hearing those stories -and watched them develop in real time - for better than 20 years out here.

Anyone with a really good grasp of language can make an email sing a siren's song; a breathless phone call can make the senses soar. But none of it shows the wreckage of a pigsty home life, or past-due notices stuffing the mailbox, or the snore that sounds like a buzz-saw, or the fact that they are, in fact, nothing like the fictional persona they've created in the mail.

LDRs are dicey, life-disrupting and there's no easy way back. I think all you need to do is ask either one of those women if they'd ever do it again...
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Matchmaking services
Posted: 8/23/2011 12:25:05 AM
How desperate do you have to be to spend $1000.00 or more to meet a stranger?

How desperate do the people you meet through a service like that have to be to spend $1000.00 or more to meet strangers?

You're not buying quality - you're buying gold medal desperation and a complete inability to socialize normally.
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Connecting From A Distance...
Posted: 8/20/2011 9:19:59 PM
This is something I have believed for awhile and will probably continue to do so, but visiting among forums, we run into people from all over the continent and perhaps other countries. Should a person put "limits" on how far we cast the line in "fishing" ? Are we just stuck in a rut?


Personal opinion, Iasc, but I think the answer has to be "yes." Waay back in the early 80's, I had a couple of long-distance romances; I burned through phone cards like acetyline for about 6 years, between one and the other. Brilliant, engaging women, both. But, in practice, there was no future.

There are some wonderful women on this site from across the country that I've traded notes with, and I enjoy their insights and company; but you need to realize that every year you spend hoping for some long-distance solution is one year you've ignored the possibilities in your own back yard. It leads to a lot of lost time and empty arms.

Enjoy your long-distance friends, but look for love where your arms can reach.
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
The Cinderella Search Obsession On Line
Posted: 8/20/2011 8:43:55 PM
WE DON'T KNOW SH1T ABOUT DATING!!


Testify, Brother. ~Grin~ Dead on.

So, what has changed? People used to be able to do this stuff pretty much by themselves. Is it because we're generally single longer than we used to be, and we've gone panicked? Or, is it Laurie Anderson's read on our culture - "Only An Expert (can deal with the problem)"

Sure, we flap our gums a lot in here, but it's only damaging if you take it to heart; and, obviously some people do. People talk about the "Signal to Noise Ratio" in communication, and we sure do create a lot of noise. But, I'm thinking, maybe the real problem is that there is no signal at all.

It's non-existent.

It's love, it's desire, it's connection, it's wild and wooly and out of control, and there simply no way you can codify it. And the more we try, the more we botch it up.
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
The Cinderella Search Obsession On Line
Posted: 8/20/2011 8:45:50 AM
Answer is easy, IQ; write me, and I'll send you my password. Nose around in my mail, and see if there's anything in there that warrants your suspicion.

All I ask is that you come on back and confirm what you find.

((12:03 EDIT: Offer stands, but the daylight awaits - I have obligations to fill. I'll check back around 10:00pm.))
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
The Cinderella Search Obsession On Line
Posted: 8/20/2011 7:55:26 AM
Wow you got some major time on your hands, ever thought of social work?

Sorry just had to put that in there, how to entrance and unpants at the minimum?hmm what a self serving and self depreciating goal this person has.


"I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow." Usually I allow myself a good two hours before dragging myself out of the sack on a Saturday; a little walk around the park on the bedside comp lets me get my synapses in order before taking on the day. If you want something to really snipe at, I'll give you something - the TV is keeping me company with an episode of "Busytime Mysteries."

As far as goals - don't blame me, madam; I didn't make the videos or web pages, nor do I praise them. For you, however, a new youtube search: "Long Term Dating Tips" - No video results, 4 (FOUR) Google results. Also, "the minimum" referred to is the predicted number of hours available based on only a 25% content match to the admittedly small number of videos I checked for an average playing time. If you want to be cranky, go after the people who populate the net, or the ones who seek out this kind of advice.


For myself, I'm personally uninterested in tips, tricks, or advice: I'm of the opinion that people are self-revealing. And frankly, I'm not anxious to fill a romantic chuckhole in my life - thus the no picture or marketing spiel on the profile. My interest in your panties is exactly Zero, I promise.
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Men saying they are looking for long term but run if you get too close
Posted: 8/20/2011 7:07:42 AM

The phaser was way past the neutral-zone, dude!

You gotta be more subtle - use the Saurian brandy or the Romulan ale bottles. Put stainless steel retro salt shakers between those figurines. Even an old communicator "my dad's old cell phone" can be covertly slipped into a collection of knick-knacks without her being the wiser. A lava lamp covers ALL cultures. I wear a Klingon polo shirt and only 3 people in 12 years have ID'd it correctly.

If all else fails - Star Wars bobble-heads.


No - there must be a balance of terror, Dealio; we're talking ballerina slippers sitting on MY bookcase, dammit. Little cartoon couples embracing the earth. Giclee prints of sunsets and French Bistros getting propped up to hide my manthings. A line must be drawn here - this far - no further. I would make her pay for what she'd done...~Grin~

((Calling Doctor Sheldon Cooper - white courtesy telephone, please...))
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
The Cinderella Search Obsession On Line
Posted: 8/20/2011 6:48:57 AM
I was nosing around the site this morning, and came across some sage wisdom - "You should look for WillyWonka's youtube videos; the man's a dating genius..."

Or words to that effect.

So, I checked out Willy (not his real name) - and he has 266 video clips of sage advice on how to meet, bed, and... well, that's about as far as they go, really. I thought to myself, "Now there's a guy who has found himself a hobby in broadcasting..." And then I looked around his channel and found the fella has almost 13,000 subscribers.

Whoa.

Ok - so I guess maybe he's got a book out there somewhere or something - a Specialist In The Field. Then, for giggles, I cast my net a little wider, and found nearly 80,000 videos on Youtube that answer a search for "dating advice." If only a quarter of these are as serious as the 10 I scanned for length - five to seven minutes each - that's over 2,000 hours of dating advice video on Youtube - 83 non-stop days of video on how to entrance and unpants, at the minimum.

If you're willing to read, you can Google up 22.7 Million pages of advice in .09 seconds. I'm beginning to believe that people are taking this whole fishing thing a little too seriously. It seems there are a lot of somebodys out there are taking advice about to handle their hearts from people they wouldn't trust with a dollar of their savings account.

Are we, as a culture,looking too hard for a practical recipe to romance? Are all these conflicting opinions,guidelines and rules doing more damage than good? And do you feel at all hesitant to borrow tactics and warnings from total strangers who pull universal wisdom from personal experience?
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 80 (view)
 
Soul Mates defined at this time in our lives?
Posted: 8/19/2011 7:33:20 AM

An unassailable truth ...... okay ....... Let's have the empirical evidence then.

I am sure there are a lot of people waiting for that and it could make you very rich.


(((pssst... He knows because he knows. It is unassailable because he knows. You can't argue with a hollow place...)))
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 79 (view)
 
Soul Mates defined at this time in our lives?
Posted: 8/19/2011 6:20:49 AM

My assertion about soul-mates is not my "belief". It is a FACT. Soul-mates exist for those fortunate enough to have the experience. This is an unassailable truth.


Uhhh. Yeah.

"Hold that power," there, guy.
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 56 (view)
 
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 8/18/2011 8:46:38 PM

Except it's not an ideal, its quite possible. People would have to choose to stop using so much of their fight-or-flight mentality.

I'm not trapped in desert lands! The only desert is in the mind.


...And in New Jersey. ~Grin~

I agree with the philosophy - heck, back in the 90's I thought I had invented it - but it doesn't change the fact that attempting to practice it is fraught with the danger of misuse. Anywhere. Someone above said that you've just broadcast a signal to every wannabe Dom in the pond, and I agree; heck, I picked up that vibe in our earlier discussion which was nowhere as blatantly power-exchange charged.

You may not live in the desert, but there are plenty of sand crabs out there interested in turning your desire to meld in a relationship into something far less romantic and far more self-serving. Although I find your mindset admirable, I fear for your emotional safety if you let the wrong man - or what might become a series of men - in. That ocean of yours is in danger of drying up through those who would exhaust your waters to slake their own thirst.

Be cautious, and be aware. I would hate to see your admirable ardor turn to disillusion.

And no - for the record and the readers, I am no way suggesting I have any interest in forwarding this conversation with you beyond this abstract thread. My interest is simply in protecting an endangered species.
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Men saying they are looking for long term but run if you get too close
Posted: 8/18/2011 8:17:06 PM
Hey, Bingo, Welshie - you're firing on all cylinders!

Getting all of us to surrender our hard-fought quirks can make getting together at our age a little like sandpipers on the beach - we run up, we run back. A toe-at-a-time approach is probably best, but nobody likes to move slow when the heart is hot.

Even when the feet are cold. ~Grin~
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 76 (view)
 
Soul Mates defined at this time in our lives?
Posted: 8/18/2011 8:03:07 PM
You're right. I am not a gamer, cept for a good game of Poker. . .had no idea these games existed until I googled them, nor have I ever watched a reality TV show, not a one. My teenage daughters marvel at my ignorance. Sorry perigree, I will try to do better next time on those inferences. Still my assertion about Soul Mates stands. Call it arrogance if you will.


Y'see, there you go again - all passive/aggressive and attacky. Your interest - or lack thereof - in reality TV shows is a non-point, other than to try to associate gaming with an immature culture. This does not change the fact that these and many other cultural artifacts that have accumulated since the year 2000 are parts of a cultural vocabulary. Your ignorance of them does not excuse your poorly formed personal attacks.

They lessen you; you lose credence. Some guy decides to take a moniker from a video game, and suddenly he's the anti-Christ. It's over-reactive, inflammatory, and completely unrelated to your discussion; it's a flailing, over-aggressive style that does you no justice.

Your assertion about soul mates is your belief; I certainly take no umbrage at it, nor consider it invalid. I have, however, completed Oblivion - with the "Shivering Isles" DLC, replete with the Mad God, The original "Bards Tale" in the 80's which contained its own. I have also sat through Wagner's Ring Cycle, Read the Annals of Clonmacnois, received a BA in Philosophy (one of three), consider myself more than passing familiar with the Blaue Reiter school of art, the history of Japanese cinema, Civil War troop movements, tactics and battles on the east coast, and so many more topics that I would scare myself if I actually spent the next hour and a half to list them.

Video games are cool. And sophistication lies in the breadth of knowledge, not in the selective dismissal of trifles. I've spent my share of hours watching "Hoarders." I've also spent hours watching the complete creative output of Chaplin, Truffaut, Bergman, Kurosawa, De Sica... I don't think I can be diminished by an out of hand dismissal of "Reality TV."

After all, dogs play poker. I've seen the painting. ~grin~
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 51 (view)
 
I don't want a relationship between equals. There, I said it.
Posted: 8/18/2011 6:46:35 PM
I toldja I would have adored you back in my D/s days, OP; you've cemented that opinion.

Back in those days, I firmly believed that the problem with "vanilla" relationships was what I called "the mental bankbook." It is the foundation of modern relationships, while perversely being the ticking time-bomb that ultimately sunders them. The modern relationship has a three column accounting system of his/hers/ours, and a subconscious auditing system that tells each 'partner' whether they are giving better than they get. At times, its less a love affair than a game of detente.

The idea of a 100/100 percent relationship requires a symbiosis; I don't have to worry about my happiness, because I know my partner has my back completely. It doesn't need auditing. With that kind of emotional security, the energy I would ordinarily expend protecting what is mine can shower back to my partner, not out of obligation but out of love and appreciation.

The problem with the concept is that it is a system that is Incredibly fraught with the peril of misuse; it's a Panglossian ideal. I wouldn't even fully trust myself to enter that kind of relationship, for fear of abusing that trust.

As I had said elsewhere, OP, "Forever trapped in desert lands, you have to learn to disbelieve the sea."
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 74 (view)
 
Soul Mates defined at this time in our lives?
Posted: 8/18/2011 6:12:14 PM

I see, well that poster calls himself "MAD_GOD". So either he is holding himself out as an angry God or as a person angry with God. You decide.


Uh huh. Not much of a gamer, I take it. Oblivion? The Original Bards Tale?

Just because you don't recognize a term doesn't mean you have any idea of its inference. Arrogant and stupid all at the same time.
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
What do you think is romantic?
Posted: 8/18/2011 6:03:55 PM
Heh. Inconvenient truth.

+1, tryagan
 perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Men saying they are looking for long term but run if you get too close
Posted: 8/18/2011 5:58:16 PM
OK; speaking only for myself, and being perfectly honest since I'm not here for the fishin' -

1) POF gives you few options of "intent" - one of which is vilified, one of which is scorned, one of which is Highly Suspect; by a long shot (and apparently much discussed), "LTR" is the preferred bait on this site.

And a successful fisherman uses the preferred bait... no matter what their Actual "intent."

2) "LTR" is a fine goal for an old batchelor... on paper. Speaking for myself, however, the actual bones and marrow of the thing can become more invasive than we had actually taken into account.

My own batchie pad is 4-star testosterone: The bookcase has old 50's Geiger counters, Olivia art books, Old Gettysburg spent munition displays, Leatherbound Bradbury.... you get the picture. My last LTR saw that display of personality suddenly include wax ballerina shoe candles, a glass heart-shaped bowl full of rocks (?), a little purple cactus... One day, they just... Appeared. My bathroom, my Spartan Sanctus Sanctorum, where I shat, showered and shaved, started blooming plastic flowers and ceramic fish. Mass produced folk art trivets started appearing around the place, with little sayings like "Love makes the world go round." They clashed ideologically with my autographed "Clockwork Orange" movie poster, but I said nothing.

I attempted to plant a Star Trek Phaser on her bookcase in revenge, more than partially to make a point. The point was missed, and the phaser did not remain. I found the feeling of being slowly assimilated rather disturbing.
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
True Love?
Posted: 8/17/2011 7:31:37 AM
...and your thoughts of true love are that there was a boy...

A very strange, Enchanted boy.

And he traveled very far - Very far - over land and sea. A little shy, and sad of eye - but very wise was he.

And then one day - one MAGIC day - he came Nat King Coles way. And though they spoke of many things - fools and kings, you know, the usual - this he said to he.

One thing Wiki is good at is demarking the shallow end of the pool. Some mystical fictional runaway juvenile spewing pseudo-philosophy is not exactly my idea of a discourse on the nature of love. And, of course, it's not your idea - it's the Magic Boy's. You're just a big fan of his greatest hits and sayings.

I think I could hazard an opinion. I didn't get it from oldies radio, so I'm not sure how profound it might be. There is no such thing as "True" Love. Love isn't an apple, or a radish, or a rose, with a thousand different brands and varieties. It is a wild, uncontrollable unquenchable hunger, looking for a similar hunger to ignite. And when it does, it burns fast or slow, "True" or "Fickle" or burns alone in the night, unattended.

Are we keeping up, or do we need a little tune to make the idea "Yours"? I'm guessing at this point a dictionary and a thesaurus may be of assistance.

Love is not "The Force" - it doesn't surround us and bind us and hold the universe together; it is a beast of yearning within each of us. A beast that searches for the illusion that someone understands us, "knows" us - which is probably quite easy, as long as you pinch your life philosophies from popular ditties. But, the beast won't be fooled - eventually it will discover if someone does or does not truly understand. And when the least crack is detected, the wall falls and we are alone again, with a familiar stranger who never really "knew" us at all. And then it's off to Martha seeking something more with the sad, familiar tune "She just doesn't understand me...'

pity me, pity me.

Or, if you prefer it in tune, "See me, feel me, touch me, heal me.

Still with me? Goood.

Now. There's some of My thoughts.

You have any?
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
True Love?
Posted: 8/17/2011 5:21:22 AM

It is to love, and be loved in return.


Best answer.


That's not an answer - it's a damned song lyric. "Nature Boy" written in 1947.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nature_Boy

Hey - but don't worry - be happy. Hakuna Matata. Have a Coke and a smile. Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket and save it for a rainy day. Always walk on the sunny side of the street. Have high-in-the-sky-apple-pie hopes.

Cole Porter must have been a romantic Maharishi Mahesh Yogi to have wisdom as deep as his...

Jaysus. If you can put it on a tee-shirt, it's profound.
 Perigee123
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Ending Up Alone - Who fears The Reaper?
Posted: 8/17/2011 4:08:18 AM

I go to movies alone, vacation alone, live alone...Shouldn't every one have someone? How can we all be here Eligible, Single, Looking, Wanting a relationship and still End Up Alone? I fear being 80 years old and not having a committed intimate relationship for the past 30 years.


Yessum - spot-on bingo. You've spoken to the actual heart of the question I had in mind. And although I may not share your sentiment, I am glad to know there are some people still romantic enough to feel the way you do.
 
Show ALL Forums