Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: Forgive and forget? Do you really mean it?
 izblue
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 75 (view)
 
Forgive and forget? Do you really mean it?
Posted: 10/5/2009 10:55:01 AM
[/]
That is a good one Miss Comtemplative.

Another one I think about is: getting hit on the head with a two by four and getting amnesia. Another good way of forgiving and forgetting.
 izblue
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 74 (view)
 
Forgive and forget? Do you really mean it?
Posted: 10/5/2009 10:29:14 AM
[OP according to many Studies women in genaral never forgive and will
always remember better then Elephants.]

A truer phrase has never been uttered. You are so very correct.
 izblue
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Number of males postint broken hearts threads
Posted: 9/23/2009 2:36:44 PM
[Oh and I just saw that awful grammar error in the title, oh well. Maybe it will draw more attention/quote]

There you go...its because they can't spell!!!!!

There is someone for everyone. Maybe because men want it (whatever the it maybe) immediately. They immediately think they should find their "soulmate" (if there is such a thing, which, IMO, there isn't), in one email, in one meeting...I think we women know better than that...could take years and years to meet "the right one" - that is because, I think, we have children or future children on our minds, and we have to be very, very careful whom we "pick". Maybe men give up too quickly.
 izblue
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 61 (view)
 
How do you get over it all?
Posted: 9/23/2009 2:19:03 PM
It will be hard, but it will happen.

If he cheated with her, he will cheat on her, and it is just a matter of time before that happens, if it already hasn't, and then, they will be ex's. "They say" the 2nd marriage, especially one as a result of cheating, has an 10% survival rate, as compared to first marriages, that have a 60% survival rate.

Read a book called: The Gift of Betrayal" by Dr. Eve Wood. It will help you trememdously, has it has helped me. Also, listen to radio broadcasts of Dr. Harley and his wife, on www.marriagebuilders.com. Although at this point you are not building a marriage! But there is so much on there that helps with the "aftermath" of affairs, believe me, I know...I've been through 3 of them.

You make new memories now for yourself. Too bad you can't move elsewhere, change schools for the kids, so you don't ever have to see those two nut-jobs again (the married ones - for now).

 izblue
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 412 (view)
 
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 2:07:07 PM
Yes, so then. why doesn't he man-up, or woman-up, whoever is the betrayer, and say what is going on with them and that they are going to go out and date other people ? Why not be honest? What is the problem? If the other person then says "oh no you are not, I'm getting divorced then", then, so be it...what the (*&(*& is everyone afraid of????
 izblue
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 411 (view)
 
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/17/2009 1:58:36 PM
Hmmmm....some of those answers you gave, Dave1234, hmm...if I were your wife, I'd be a little unsettled. Well, to each his own, I suppose, just don't cause the probs there with the marriage, because of this only, I'm just sayin'...

thanks re the photo, yeah, well, I work on myself...always have...very into athletics (school teams, etc., just to be clear!!) all my life too...helped, I suppose! Just gets harder as one ages....energywise.
 izblue
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 392 (view)
 
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/16/2009 9:26:38 AM
Re: Dave1234's reasons why he is here.

I dunno...I still think it is strange. Does your wife know you are on here?

And again I dunno re last question...don't see your photo! LOL!
 izblue
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 1327 (view)
 
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/15/2009 12:54:42 PM
{When someone does that to you, it takes a toll on you emotionally and physically ... }

How very true "Curiosity27". "They" say that it cause PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). And also, that it is worse than being gang-raped. Horrible, right? Nice thing to have done to one by someone that is supposed to love you, never ever want to hurt you, and supposedly your best friend. You know the saying, with best friends like that, who needs enemies.

I think I must have gone into a grave depression or something after all I had stumbled upon in my scenario...don't know..whatever it was, it cause me to lose one of my jobs, lose 20 lbs (I already was "normal" weight, if not bit under, so, this was not good), and had absolutely no energy or vive to do anything with the children, house, friends or family. I eventually became so angry it was terrible...I was never an angry person...always happy go lucky type, with alot of energy. I actually called up the last two cunexttuesdays (don't want to curse!) and said calmly "hey, would you mind coming over and taking care of our 3 children, do the housework/laundry/errands/cooking/shopping/dog work, etc, while my H and I go out somewhere? They hung up on me, never to be heard from again. Interesting.
 izblue
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 1326 (view)
 
Cheating- can you forgive?
Posted: 9/15/2009 12:37:31 PM
In my experience I cannot forgive. Everyone is different. According to God, we are supposed to forgive. Not forget, of course, who could _ unless one was knocked unconcious with a two by four and got amnesia.

My S2BXH cheated on my 3x. First time, I tried to forgive, we went to counseling, etc. etc., never to be done again, he said, then I stumbled on 2 more a few years later...pretty much back to back...found out about the 2 at the same time, even though one was 1 year long and then dumped, and another started about 2 weeks after that one. Weird. He must have a problem. I don't want it to be mine anymore. Too hurtful and embarrassing.

He says all 3 are "my" fault. Interesting. He says I was "too busy taking care of our children (3 within 5 years), working two part-time jobs, = more than a full-time one, doing housework/laundry/errands/food shopping/cooking (he did none of those..think he thought it was beneath him), and told me I didn't pay much attention to him except every other night in bed!!!??? And when we went away on vacations, alot by ourselves, and on many weekends, at least one per month..hmmm....interesting...no attention? I am confused.

Doesn't seem to be too remorseful, although, doesn't want to get divorced (afraid he will lose most of his money and possessions, I presume). Whatever....I'll have peace and quiet soon, thankfully.

I have done alot of reading on this subject. The stats that are in are: 70% of husbands cheat (don't know what the boyfriend rate is, I assume even higher), 60% of wives cheat (ditto on the girlfriend cheating ratio being more I pressume), and 2/3 of wives never find out that their husbands cheated!! Ever!!! That is pretty amazing...I think. (guess I am of the unlucky 1/3 to find out...you wonder...maybe ignorance is bliss).
 izblue
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 377 (view)
 
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/14/2009 11:40:41 AM
{For the record I am happily married, faithful and sex does play a vital role in the marriage.}

Interesting dave1234...you say you are "happily married, faithful" ??????? Then, why are you on a singles site!!!!????
 izblue
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 275 (view)
 
Is it a compliment to be contacted by a younger man?
Posted: 9/10/2009 8:20:45 AM
I for one say it would! I still feel 16 in my head! Oh well....the only problem with dating younger men, is, that one day, they will want to marry and have children, and us older women, most likely, physically won't be able to, the oven turned off by itself, you know. Plus, we have been through the child-bearing and raising years, and may not even want to do that again even through adoption...tough call...both parties have to face that one head on and see if they both agree.
 izblue
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 339 (view)
 
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/3/2009 10:59:55 AM
[I wonder if the man spent far too much time nurturing his career and far too little time nurturing his marriage. Simply put, Happy women want to please and be pleased.

Of course it's easier to have an affair (a fresh emotional start) then face the results of what you've produced in your current marriage and work to repair the damage. But marriage isn't easy and taking the easy route lacks integrity and honor, IMO.]

Well said.
 izblue
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 337 (view)
 
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/3/2009 9:07:02 AM
[Wow, hats off to you...Why do men get burned so badly? I can see child support, but alimony as well?? Perhaps I am a neive soul...I hafta say, if it were me, I am not sure how I would handle it. Never walked a mile in the shoe, can't say.]

You've never even been married let alone have to take care of 1, 2, 3, 4, God knows how many children, plus the husband, who is another child. Plus, later in life, add on his elderly parent and yours.

If you did, you would understand, after getting hardly any sleep once the children are born, and many, many times thereafter, that it is NOT the men that get burned, it is the women AND the children (sometimes, too, it is the wife that cheats, that is becoming more common with more and more women in the workforce now. )

As far as the alimony, it is fair, as is the child support. Many, many men do not pay either, they find ways to hide their money, they do ok, their ex-family is burned to death. BTW, when two people get married, usually, they discuss what will happen when they decide to start a family. Usually, they both agree, the wife will stay home with the children, best way to raise them, in a loving family. That is the initial "dream" between the husband and the wife. Sometimes, the agreement is for the husband to stay home instead. That is totally, totally fine, whatever works for both and the children. Either way, whomever was the home caregiver (and the work is 24/7, not 40/5, and the pay, is not in $$ for the homeworker...but in love units, kindness, caring and support to make a wonderful homelife for the husband and children, and themselves, hoping for well-adjusted people in this crazy world). What could be better than that. So, if things fail, then, whomever was the home caretaker, should get the alimony and continuation of healthcare, whether it is the husband or the wife, doesn't matter. They more than deserve it.

Please remember not to judge people unless you have walked a mile in their shoes.
 izblue
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 336 (view)
 
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/3/2009 8:55:22 AM
[First of all, you can't believe half of what a cheater is telling you, and the other half is a lie. They ALL say "my wife won't give it up, so I'm getting it elsewhere." So no, I can't see their point as they don't have one.

And if the wife has given up her LIFE to stay home and raise HIS kids, then SORRY, but what is HIS is also HERS. There is not "his" money or "his" stuff. As far as I am concerned, she's worked just as hard as he has for all those years, so again, nope, not seeing any justification for cheating.]

HERE! HERE! MY FRIEND!!! YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT!!! THANK YOU FOR SAYING IT SO SUCCINCTLY!
 izblue
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 335 (view)
 
Justifying Cheating?
Posted: 9/3/2009 8:43:09 AM
How about wife did/does the same...works very hard all her marriage, at outside job and inside job (housework, cooking, laundry, errands, grocery shopping, children, taking care of the husband - waiting on him hand and foot, always loving and kind to him, and taking care of elder parents on both sides...PLUS plenty of intimacy with the husband at least every other night for the entire marriage, and TRUSTING him 100%? (well, not anymore!!!) And he STILL does it (cheating) 3x...before you find out?? How about that? Should SHE lose 1/2 of everything???

These guys (husbands) that tell you this, are full of s**t. Don't be a fool and believe them, I was a fool, to believe my husband, and so were the other 3 s***s to believe him. There are plenty more like all of us out there, just be careful. It is despicable.

~much wiser now
 izblue
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 45 (view)
 
REVENGE SEX.
Posted: 8/28/2009 9:54:23 AM
This hits home with the cheating. I know, it is like a stab in the back, never mind the heart.

I went through this not once, but 3x, with, my soon to be ex-husband. One wonders why. I think the cheaters are mentally and emotionally unstable, and, as other responders have stated here, run, don't walk, to the nearest exit and never look back. Don't bother with the revenge. Just exit stage left, find a MUCH better girl and good human being.
Best to you.
 
Show ALL Forums