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 Author Thread: Non-Religious Person dating a Jehovah's Witness
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 187 (view)
 
Non-Religious Person dating a Jehovah's Witness
Posted: 8/23/2009 9:08:57 AM
I was a JW for some 75% of my life. ( I don’t go anymore, nor am I disfellowshiped.)

Some on here say Jehovah's Witnesses do not believe that if you are not with them, you are not doomed. NOT SO! They ALL do believe if you are not" in,” whether it be 144,000 going to heaven and the rest on the earth, you are doomed to hell! Hell being the common grave of mankind, and not living through the Big "A" or coming back after it for the 100o yr rule of Christ if you are terribly wicked! (Thus the go door to door to save people and bring them in!!!) Also, after the resurrection of the dead, and 100o yr rule of Christ after Armageddon, all mankind are tested by Satan and his demons previously bound, and if you follow him and you still won't accept the faith you ARE dead FOREVER in hell. (Not the burning hell, of course, but eternally dead with NO hopes of life along with Satan and his demons forever destroyed.) If you do not follow what they say, you are told you will die. Simple.

Or if you are gay as my niece discovered when growing up a JW, you are told as she was, if she continued on that course she was as good as dead! Nice thing to tell a young impressionable woman. Such love! As in most religions fear and reward are the keys. Listen, you are rewarded. Do not follow the "rules" you die- everlastingly or to hell or purgatory or whatever.

In MY opinion, NO religion has it right! NONE on this earth. I researched religion for 12 yrs. They ALL fail their followers. But that is another post lol.

MANY will not agree, but I LIVED through 48 years of being a JW. I KNOW. Most have their heads in the sand for a variety of reasons. Mine was buried deeply since I was raised in the faith. Some know they are not in the "right" one, but their lives are so involved with JW's, they stay anyway. They have their whole families, friends, and some even neighborhoods, all JW's!! Some even work with other JW's. They can't seem to find their way out without giving up EVERYTHING! And they would have to, almost, if not completely, in order to leave.

There is a large drop-out rate over the years which they don’t talk about because the new ones come in. There are a LOT of things they don’t talk about. But, again, it is just like that in all religions. Sad thing is religion is a large part of why this world functions so horribly!

Of course, many will attack me on this, but that’s fine. I know what is what and that is all that is important. I am still researching but still haven’t found any "truth" out there. I don’t expect to either. It's too messed up by kings and other governments and religions for their own reasons of "rulership," to ever be pure and true. I also discovered as a JW a question NO ONE has been able to answer about a Bible Scripture which STILL goes unanswered. I asked many elders, many ministerial servants, and since then, any religious person I know and NO ONE can answer it directly. Seems odd that there is no answer. But I know why: because certain Bible books and writings were deleted. So how does that fit with “ALL Scriptures are inspired of God and beneficial for mankind……2 Timothy

As far as marrying a non believer it is a HUGE no-no since there is a large risk you will leave the organization because of being unevenly yoked, your mate will change your mind and cause you to leave it and then they loose resources. If you do marry out of the faith you will be ostracized to some extend at least. Many will not include you in gatherings and the like, unless you are EXTREMELY "active" in the organization and popular. If you have sex outside of marriage you can be reproved or disfellowshiped. Only way out of a JW marriage is cheating: either you or your spouse. But, they like you to forgive and stay with each other if possible. I f you are the one cheating you will be reproved or disfellowshipped.

But, if you REALLY look at most churches you will find rules and regulations in them all. JW's have just done it a bit differently than most. But others are similar to them. JW's used to be the fastest growing religion, now I think it is the Mormons.

One way or the other, blind faith in anything, without extensive research is not a good idea. JW’s still discouraging college but at one time that was a no-no also. They have changed many of their original scripts in books in more recent editions too to support their ideals. Why would you need to do that if you were directed by God as the "Governing Body" is supposed to be? But of course they have an answer for everything... Just not good ones, but all in all it's just another man-made organization gone awry, as they all are.

You might ask yourself why ANYONE is Catholic with all the proven bad things that church has been and is still involved in? Most people NEED to have a group to belong to. So they find the one that fits the best for the moment. Some stay a lifetime others stay briefly. Same with JW's, or ANY religion. None are really better or basically different than the others. That includes the non-Christian ones.

Religion is just another control factor for the masses.

If you are NOT a JW contemplating marrying one or dating one, RUN! Remember THEY are going against their own beliefs in considering YOU! How is that a good begining?

If you are a JW contemplating a "worldly" person, you have issues with your faith too. Straighten that out before involving someone else!

Happy fishing!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 35 (view)
 
staying centred?
Posted: 8/18/2009 4:43:10 PM
Wonders HOW this became about the Bible for some? Spirituality is not necessary religion...and religion can have nothing to do with spirituality! I really don't understand why some dont understand that!

You can be a totally spiritual person and be atheist!

And none of this has to d0 with being "centered"! (Well, maybe, all depending what the definition of "centered" is for each individula is.)

I think the real quesiton here is about what "centered" is according to the OP! It really wasn't explained, thus everyone went off on what THEY judged as centered and spoke accordingly, which in reality could have NOTHING at all to do with what the original poster mean when asking "are you centered?"

I just love these forums!!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Parental Critique at Our Age??
Posted: 8/18/2009 4:30:07 PM
LOL, I had to laugh when I read this. Before my mother died she did the same. Parents are parents and I suppose we did the same, and will continue to do the same, with our own children. It is what parents do!

MY problem is my daughters, now 27 and 30, who are trying to run MY life and tell ME what to do! LMAO! You can't win no matter what! Do what you do and be willing, no matter what, to pay the consequences of any action you take in life! It is YOUR life and we all do what we want to anyway!

BTW, sometimes my kids are right!

Happy fishing everyone!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Why not to move forward?
Posted: 6/20/2009 5:06:42 AM
I have faced this same thing over the last almost 7 yrs of dating.

Some dont have a clue who they are, what they want, and dont want. Until they do, they shouldn't complicate others lives who do know those things.
Some are afraid of getting burnt "again". Which means their hearts, or finances, etc. but they will stay as long as you don't push them further.
Some are mentally ill.
Some are insecure.
Some are self-centered and selffish, out for what only they want. They usually stay until their own needs aren't met anymore, then move on.
Some regret losing you and marry the next one that comes along. Happens, lol.
Some don't believe in marriage.
Some lie about what they want, need and expect from you, so it will never work out.
Some are searching for "soul mates" and you aren't it, lol. (If there is such a thing as a soul mate. Of course they won't find that one since no one will ever fit the bill thus a built in out when committment time comes, or whatever else you deam to call committment.)
There are more, but I think the idea is represented here.

I found it doesnt take many months and definitely not years, to know if a person is for you or not. If in a reasonable time the person isnt stepping up to your expectations, you need to make a huge decision. Stay and live with their wants and needs, or leave and find someone more to your liking to your wants and needs.

You have the answer to your own question, in your opinion. They SHOULD move forward. So now decide if they won't what you will do.

Here is an article that might help you and others. I think people out there are expecting WAY too much from another person anymore.

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/the-good-enough-marriage?ecd=wnl_sxr_061309

People need to stop searching for the perfect person. Otherwise they will waste their lives being alone. Unless of course, you desire to be alone as some do. But, then they wouldn't be here!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 56 (view)
 
Serious Member / Paid Upgrade Thread - Are we a tad spoiled by POF and a bit ungrateful for its services?
Posted: 3/16/2009 4:42:10 PM
So, if you decide you don't want to pay for the yellow icon anymore, does that mean you are not longer serious?

I am still having issues with the fact the yellow icon indicated you ARE serious!

Let's move on and just have some fun! It has all pretty much been said and done with this thread...The owner will do as he will, and we will do as we will...Now get out there and date and have some FUN!!


 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 229 (view)
 
So you don't want to get married again, now what?
Posted: 3/14/2009 11:43:23 AM
Hmm, Marriage isn't about a life time of bliss. If you are looking for that, you will be extremely disappointed. Marriage is about commitment, seeing one another through each day, and being happy at the end of the day that you have that one beside you!

Marriage shouldn't be a fantasy, but a realistic arrangement between two people who share many of the the same likes, dislikes, ideals, and goals.

It should be about liking that person so much you really can't see your life without them. That is how love builds with someone. You should be willing to give 100% and get 0% at times. Other times YOU will need the 100% of taking and giving nothing. There is no 50-50. But for the long haul it should even out. You can't be in it for what you can get, but what you can give.

You need to find someone who you know you will love, and respect, and will not want to leave. You should be attracted physically, and this doesn't mean the person needs to be a 10, but that YOU like what you see. Wrinkles, grey hairs, little rolls, or big ones, all of the person. You will like what the person is inside too. If you can't find all this in this person, then how will you be able to work through "thick and thin" with them and stay "forever"?

And of course, you can have all this without marriage too. It comes down to what is important to each person and not just what is important to you.

Me? I would prefer marriage long haul, but circumstances might mean it wouldn't happen. I never say never, nor will I say I am absolute about anything. I have found it will come and kick you in the arse for sure, just to teach you the lesson that nothing is always this way or that!

I can see me living without marriage with someone forever. I can see me married too. It all depends. But what I can not see is me giving up the love of my life over the signing of a paper!

But I would want both of us to be protected if something happened to one of us. Remember too, that as with gays, the other partner if not legally binding in marriage or other signed documentation, things can be taken from you on the death of the significant other, and others can stop you from doing things. Such as seeing your beloved in the hospital if you are not married/legally together, and having family members who may not like you toss you out! You would have no legal rights to many things upon that wonderful person's death or extreme illness. So if you do not marry, make sure you are protected in many areas, and you protect you loved one!

Lots to think about dating older for sure, as these forums show!

Best to all and happy fishing!

Linda
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Serious Member / Paid Upgrade Thread - Are we a tad spoiled by POF and a bit ungrateful for its services?
Posted: 3/13/2009 2:27:43 PM
I didn't pay for the Yellow Icon that says I am "seriously" looking here! I have been serious from day ONE. I think my PROFILE states that well. Just how does a Yellow Icon tell others how serious one is? And I couldn't care less if I have advertisements on my profile. So what else does one get for ones money? How can you get more responses JUST because you have a Yellow Icon? Do they hold back emails and only give so many to ones without them? LOL And would you NOT look at the profiles without the Yellow Icon? If you are SERIOUSLY looking you will look at ALL the profiles from people in your area! But, people WILL fall for any new gimmick!

All in all, I am staying and doing as I did before. Hoping someone for me will come along and I can get OFF here!!

It is more than likely about making money! DUH! Isn't that what a business does? If it is greed or not, doesn't matter. I think though it wasn't a wise choice or way of doing things, but I guess businesses learn from their mistakes too. Mate 1 has Online Ambassadors (OA) that they give service free to members or pay them to email ones who don't keep coming back with the pretense of "helping them" through the site LOL.... So here they just might give the "upgrade" free to ones so it looks like some are actually buying into this so others will really buy into it. Other sites do similar things to draw people in. I think its gaming and false and should be beneath a good business to do such things, but that is my own opinion. Yahoo Personals has been accused of such things, so has American Singles and many others.

One way of the other, no matter what, they are doing it.

YOU each have a choice. Pay, or not! If they eliminate services and expect ones to pay they will be like all other pay dating sites. They will certainly have to change the bragging line how they are the biggest free site now, since they are not really totally free now. Other sites are half free for this or that, but they dont brag on being totally free. Some brag they are free to sign up (most are lol). Just not free from then forward, lol. These sites hook in the newbies continually to keep running, not the long term customer who leaves after paying and getting no where. I paid for a few sites in the beginning after my divorce. Never again. I will not do it ever again. It doesn't give you anything BETTER! Nada, nothing, zich! Liars pay to get fresh meat. Scammer, creaps, cheats and all the low life are on pay sites too. I ran into several. You need to be a good weeder and know the red flags, not be naive to think paying will make it all okay. It's plain stupid to think you won't find those types on pay sites!! You need to use your brain in your head! All the same people show up on the free ones, half free ones, and the pay sites. POF isn't the only free one. It however, has been the most successful one. I have NO idea why the owner wants to mess with that!

But, it IS his site and he can do anything he wants. AND it is YOUR choice to stay or go.

Like others I was pissed and upset that he did this, and as far as I am concerned it was for greed. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. But as I said, stay or go. It is his site to do what he will with! I chose to stay. I enjoy the forums and keep hoping to find the "one' for me. And I have been to a few meet and greets.

Best to everyone, and happy fishing here, or elsewhere!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 171 (view)
 
Do hearts harden with age?
Posted: 12/28/2008 2:11:12 PM
Hearts harden due to negative things. It is an emotional experience due to negative experiences in life. Some one is hurt and chooses to be hardened by it, seeking revenge, or becomes angry, mean or nasty, lacking empathy. It is an imbalance of the soul for many reasons. But, one doesn't have to chose to stay there in that condition. The tale of Scrooge proves that. He was resentful and lonely and angry. It took a journey of Christmas past, present, and future to show him, but he chose to change and did and was much more happier for it.

It is best to avoid negativity. It only creates more of the same. Wisdom comes from experiences and should teach us that being hard-hearted isn't a wise chose.
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Background checks for dating do you mind people looking into your life?
Posted: 12/25/2008 6:51:33 AM
Well, disregarding what is legal and what is not, or my personal opinion on background checks, I wouldnt have any issues with it at all. I am totally honest and upfront. No secrets. I would want the same back.

But, unfortunately, most people aren't that open and free with telling about their lives, good or bad. I have been dating on and off for 6 yrs. I find most are not honest and only tell what they want you to know, being scared you will run off if they knew it all. I found out deal breakers way down the road I would have liked to have known upfront. I wasted a lot of time with a few men and had emotions to deal with that I wouldn't have otherwise had I known some things to begin with. I was strong enough, though, to protect myself and leave the relationships. Some get stuck due to feelings and stay. Not good.

Would I run a background check on someone? No. I am smart enough to know red flags, do my own research, (you can find lots of public information on people on the internet. ) ask the right questions and question indirectly and directly family friends and relatives of the ones I date. I use other tools too to find out what I need to know. But, unfortunately, you cant get all the information immediately. That is the catch.

I am not sure investigating someone professionally is a good thing. How do you know the person can get all the information needed? And most the stuff they would find you could anyway. Prison, jail and divorce and other court records are usually public. You can find out things like how many homes they own and if any back taxes and other things online. IF you really want to bother. If they haven't broken laws or entered the legal system that isn't going to help you totally. Even if you find out that stuff and all is good, that doesn't tell character, or tell if they lie, or if they hate, or many other things. Best to develop internal instincts and good communication skill and red flag alerts. That should get you what you need to know. If the other party isn't communicative, you might consider not continuing the relationship. Unless you like that sort of thing, that is.

Common sense here. Problem is, many don't either have it or use it!!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Friend being sued over vehicle payments.. any advice?
Posted: 12/25/2008 6:31:46 AM
I am betting she is just idly threatening. Anyone can sue for anything, but it doesn't mean they will win. Sound like she is just trying to intimidate him. She really doesn't have a leg to stand on unless she has a written agreement stating he will pay back any payments on this vehicle if she defaults on their verbal agreement. Some people are idiots. We are living in a greedy self-centered society. She is greedy and selfish. At least he didn't co sign and have it put in her name. Then he would have issues for sure. The vehicle is his now, actually always legally has been, and he has to continue the payments or sell it. She is not only out the door as far as the GF but as far as the vehicle.

I doubt this will even reach court of any kind once she realizes she doesn't have a leg (legally) to stand on. Hope this is a lesson learned. Get everything in writing. Trust NO ONE. Co-sign for no one, not even closest friends or family when it comes to money. Sounds cruel, but in today's society you need to protect yourself. Just too many unforeseeable consequences if you are not extremely careful anymore.

Best wishes to your friend. It will all work out in his favor.
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 260 (view)
 
People who think you are hot V2.
Posted: 12/15/2008 4:46:05 PM
splendere,

It is extremely flawed. LMAO....

It changed my list and among the men who "think I am hot" it gave me one man who had contacted me once. His profile now states he found the love of his life and married her, but can not seem to delete his profile

The rest of the list isn't much better!

It would be best to put on a link for US to decide who we think is hot, not some computerized computer with a faulty program.
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 197 (view)
 
People who think you are hot V2.
Posted: 12/10/2008 5:06:00 PM
Well, if who they put on MY list reflects anything, I wonder whose list they put ME on!!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 193 (view)
 
People who think you are hot V2.
Posted: 12/10/2008 3:50:41 AM
Well, the vast majority of my guys, who think I am "hot" (which isn't in itself true, since they didn't vote on me being hot or not.) are too short, too far off, etc. The ones who contacted me, on the last row of three, didn't work out, and one of the 3 was from a forum, thus contacting me about something from a forum a long time ago, so doesn't count.

Hmmm, I don't think this thing works!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 15 (view)
 
What would you do if you caught your partner installing spy cams in your apt?
Posted: 11/8/2008 7:19:25 PM
Well, as you said, she still has feelings for this man for some reason. Sounds like she needs more mental help than the scammer she is dating. She sounds desperate and extremely insecure. She must be getting something she needs from him, or else she wouldn't let this go on. As someone said earlier, this is a no brainer!

A teddy bear and a card?? She should be checking the rest of the apartment for other cameras and not only changing all locks, phones and other means of communications, but trying to find another place to live.

If he previously viewed here company, he probably has tape of here undressing too. This man is SICK and she is enabling him. I would be running so fast it would make his head spin.

I personally know about to many men taping the women they bed. One guy has literally hundreds of tapes of him and a lot of women he slept with along with many tapes of him and his GF of many years having sex and she knows nothing about them. He has cameras secretly installed in his bedroom. Either she has no idea or she simply doesn't want to know. I know I would be wondering what was in the cabinet my bf keeps locked over years of being together, and refused to tell me about what was in it!! Some women just would rather put up with some doubts and lies than be alone. As I said, they need as much help, or more, as the one using them!

Sad!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 86 (view)
 
Why is it okay for women to date more than one guy ?
Posted: 11/8/2008 5:47:04 PM
As long as someone you are seeking to date is honest about what they prefer and do, I see no issue. I date ONE person at a time.. Others men and women, date more than that. I couldn't care less what others do. What counts to me is what I want and do and the honesty from ones I date about what they prefer and do so I can make the proper decision for me. Nothing else really matters does it?

If one person is dating several persons of the opposite sex, but insists that the ones they are dating only date them, that seems a bit controlling and hypocritical doesn't it?? Run!! Unless you do the same.. but then they wouldn't date YOU would they? Hehehehe.....


Just do what you want....You really don't need anyone else opinion to do what is right in your eyes. Would everyone telling you the opposite of what you want and believe change your mind? No need to seek validation unless you are not sure yourself, then of course continue to ask until you know what you want for sure.
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 318 (view)
 
Men over 45 and facial hair
Posted: 11/8/2008 5:13:05 PM
Still prefer men with at least mustaches....and I love goatees! I guess it is all personal preference...as all is anyway, but I sure as hell wouldn't turn down a man just because of facial hair or not because of one preference. A man of gold with or without a beard is still a man of gold!!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Let's Call the Whole Thing Off
Posted: 10/14/2008 4:35:33 AM
LOL ak transplant...good point. But things can be discussed to death. I would think you could put up your deal breakers and the rest is just deciding as you go along if you need MORE deal breakers as you check out the dating field.

But then too many deal breakers can make some think you are too picky, not enough and you arent picky enough. Long profile--too wordy. Too few words, hiding something. .... LOL..

You really truly cant win because someone will come along and have something to say about it.

Relationships call for tons of compromise, so I will just stick with my deal breakers! The rest, if you find the right one, can be worked out!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Let's Call the Whole Thing Off
Posted: 10/12/2008 5:55:45 PM
Whew! lots of questions! But all irrelevant since no one is alike. Some of those things one person might wonder about, others wouldn't care at all. You would have to write a book in order to answer all of them. What do YOU want is what it is all about, along with what do you NOT want. Once you answer those things, you got a way to search. What can you live with and what can you live without? Those are the eliminators. The deal breakers. The rest is just compromise or what you both like. Simple... but in reality difficult to find. Thus I am single now after being divorced 6 years!

Linda
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 219 (view)
 
Would you go out with someone in the 45 plus group that has never been married?
Posted: 10/12/2008 5:50:15 PM
I have gone out with a few men that are now older and never been married. Now a days though that doesn't necessarily mean much since so many have long terms without marriage and even raising families, buying homes together etc.

It's all about the person, not the labels one carries.
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 256 (view)
 
Men over 45 and facial hair
Posted: 10/12/2008 5:47:57 PM
Most men have facial hair, with few exceptions. They just shave,

I love a well groomed shorter beard, and in particular a mustache and goatee.


I think it is a trend that started a few years ago and I hope it continues! Some men look awful without a beard and mustache. My ex is a good example. Others look good both ways, but I just personally prefer facial hair grown out, not shaved.

Linda
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Hibernation or Exhilaration?
Posted: 10/4/2008 10:14:14 AM
I do both!!

I love the fall. It, and summer are my favorites. I love the beauty of fall and the leaves crunching under my feet when hiking. I love the woods, period! Halloween is my favorite part of fall, and I like to dress up. I love handing out candy and seeing all the costumes! A nice warmer night for it is GREAT!

Then there is Thanksgiving when everyone gorges themselves on turkey and all the fixings! Yes! I love this time of year.

But, I don't like the COLD... so that hot chocolate sounds great to me once the temps drop and the snuggling can start!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 42 (view)
 
POF GET TOGETHER @ The Red Fox Bar and Restaurant Cuyahoga Falls, OH -3rd of Oct
Posted: 10/1/2008 5:51:29 PM
OMG this is TOO funny. I move away up to Cleveland and someone starts a great looking group where I lived til 3 days ago! LOL.... Well, I wish you all fun! Hope you find the light of your life. If this keeps up, I might just travel back down there, hehehe.....Looks like a BIG crowd! Enjoy!!

Linda
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 32 (view)
 
well looks like women do love money more then anything
Posted: 9/23/2008 5:42:58 PM
Some people will blame anything just because they don't get what they want. Instead, spend time refining yourself and doing things that will improve you, make you a happy, fulfilled person. Then that will attract others in your life that might work out. But you cant expect much in life when all you do is whine and blame others and other things for what you don't get! Hell, don't expect anything period. It is a waste of time, emotion, and energy.

Stop blaming women for YOUR issues. IF what you said was true, there would be NO poor married men! Your comment is slippery slope thinking and silly.

If women are looking for a guy who is secure, who can blame them? I am debt free and hope to keep it that way. So would I want to tie up with a guy who I would have to support or one who is smothered in debt? I don't think so. I hear men all the time on profiles state they aren't here to support a woman and/or her kids and like comments. Now, I'm NOT wealthy, but CAN live on my own. So money is a consideration for me, but now all I consider. I have many more issues I would put forth before I would date someone.

I don't waste my time looking for a man anymore. I am living life and enjoying it. IF a guy who I feel is my equal, (and I don't say that conceitedly.) and we match up, so be it. If not, so be it. I have LOTS to do in life besides look for a mate, and whine if I don't immediately get one. Hell, been 6 years since the divorce... guess immediate isn't happening, he he.

Move on, LIVE LIFE, try new things, meet new people, challenge yourself out of the box you are in.....Most of all, stop whining.. NO ONE likes a whiner.. not even a whiner!


Happy fishing
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Second opinion, please
Posted: 8/30/2008 6:58:45 PM
I'm thinking she really isn't in to you, but hasn't the courage to just say it. That happens a lot online, with men too, not just women. But you can't control others, only you and how you react to things. Keep in touch with her, like a light email, every couple weeks. Nothing long, just a basic "hi". If depression is an issue, she will come out of it and appreciate your concern. I may be dead wrong, but I don't think that is the issue. I know when I feel down, I like to be around people I enjoy because they help bring me back up. If she really liked you as you seem to like her, I would think it would help her to come out of her "down in the dumps". But we all may be jumping the gun anyway. Being "down in the dumps" could only mean she isn't up to par, not depressed. Also, depression could be more than a simple "down in the dumps" too. She might have some more serious mental health issue and need some short term professional help.

I would move on if I were you. If she is interested you WILL know it. As someone said, there are plenty of fish, lol.

Best wishes and happy fishing.
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 173 (view)
 
Why do men ask me what do I do for a living?
Posted: 8/18/2008 6:38:21 PM
Men define who they are by their careers. It has always been that way. They define you by yours too, now that most women work. So thus, as they would socially ask their males counterparts what they do for a living in conversation, they now ask women.

Some men want to know you aren't a leach. I ask men what they do for a living. I don't want a leach either! *giggle*

Some men want to use you; some women want to use men.

It really isn't a big deal. I would be more concerned about all they want to know, not just one thing. All the stuff would then define what they want as long as you can read between the lines. If you think they want to use you, financially, they probably do. But, then, you could be paranoid. ;)

Damn, dating can be so complicated, can't it?? :)


Just enjoy and try not to over analyze.
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Foreclosure
Posted: 8/18/2008 5:59:18 PM
fortuitousmalapropism


Dear me. Maybe looking in the not so distant past. Maybe not burying you head in the sand. and maybe not buying into the glib lies of anyone trying to sell you something. You can then see the possibility of a downturn. Economic first principles. Unless you are making something you only make money out of the buying and selling in the short term. Eventually the bubble has to burst. Stock markets will always go up and then go down. Anybody who ties their finances into the stock market usually by having investments in stocks or maybe loans that are to be paid off by future stock market rises, will get burned if they hang around too long. There is only so much oil and steel on the markets, china and India have greatly increased their take, squeezing everyone else. Or does everyone believe their government when they say the future is bright.


Well, guess that millions of Americans are burying their heads in the sand then. Even the well-off are loosing homes and ending up on the streets. Not all loosing their homes have bought into any lies, etc. MOST now loosing homes are loosing them due to economics, and the economic principles changed without most knowing. The bank closing, industry moving, and businesses bankrupting, and many restructuring and laying off and down sizing, also has a lot to do with it. There are many many factors over the last 50 years or more contributing to this. We can't just blame the banks and immoral banking practices.

And China and India and other countries greatly increasing their oil and steel consumption is in large due to mass American industrial moves to save a buck! Now, there IS a natural up and down to economics. But THIS one is NOT normal at all. Of course, there are other factors, but China' s industrial increase is largely our countries doing for greed. They wanted cheap labor, more profits. This is the result of that for the world now. More too it than just this, but I think many did see all the industries moving away with nothing to replace the whole economically left, and the left behind workers and their families HERE struggling to survive.

No, not everyone believes in the government being honest, but this is more that normal amount of dishonesty most expect. lol But, I do believe the majority do believe that the government should be covering its citizens butts to some extent, watching out for them! What can I say? Most people are too busy buying the next gadget and charging everything, and being told by media and everyone in power, that it is cool! I have been saying these things forever, but our country IS based on consumerism now, and its like beating your head against a wall. Thus the lowest level of savings since WWII. They all feel into the conglomerates saying to CONSUME more, throw away and replace, hell with making due and repairing. Which causes another issue.. Landfill problems lol.... But Not ALL people having trouble financially have been foolish. I think most Americans are now getting a wake up call... and it's all too little to late. And I think most are STILL not listening because of "meism" . If it doesn't affect me, who cares??

But that doesn't mean we should judge people on loosing homes and assuming they squandered their money and lost their jobs due to their own fault. MANY people have lost work do to businesses trying to keep the top dollar at all costs, and the owners pockets comfortably lines. (Meism again!)


I'm guessing that most people here on pof are not domestics, janitors and health care assistants. But those are the jobs that most Americans don’t wanna do. They don’t want to do them because they are menial jobs, low status with little respect from employers and others


Agree here somewhat. But Im thinking a whole lot more are in those fields than you might think. BUT, how did Americans get that attitude of those jobs being demeaning? It wasn't always that way! I grew up respecting all levels of employment. I Still do. And I was IN the janitorial, cleaning business while my kids grew up so I could be home when they left and got home. I did it on my own, so made enough part time, instead working for someone else with low pay, due to overhead costs, full time. The same type of business, though it paid LOW, because I worked for a service, instead of myself, saved MY butt while I was looking for work that paid enough to cover my bills. I sure wasnt too proud to do it and I sure didn't think less of myself either. I also took in a roommate which helped us both until we both got on our feet.

I had a degree I had gone to college for just previous, but even with degrees and the experience I had in the field it was HELL to find a good job! Now, where I work that same job (we have several positions at one time for the same job available, due to turnover of the difficulty of the job) has 40 to 50 people applying, to the 3 or 4 they had 5 years ago I am told. People are DESPERATE for work! I see it daily in the position I now hold at the same place. One woman came in crying, begging to be hired, but they had so many other apps before her that is was unlikely she would be hired. She was absolutely qualified, but she wasn't first in line, so to speak. I tried to encourage her to keep looking and to keep her hopes up. She had a son who was 7! And through restructuring of her company she was let go! Tell me now, how it was her fault and she didn't do something right along the way to have this not happen?

I see LOTS of Caucasians and African Americans whose families have been here for generations, still working low end jobs. But kind of hard to find them now with all the unskilled people immigrating into this country taking jobs away from people here! One nursery here a few years ago had no Mexicans working for them. NOW, just in 2 years time they are ALL Mexicans, except for the supervisors and the Owners! Low pay is the reason the others were let go and replaced by Mexicans. In other words, greed on the owners part to get more for less! One restaurant bought by a middle easterner has been resold 3 times now, to relatives they keep bringing into this country. Each time the business has gotten all the same tax breaks as the previous owner. The city is not getting a penny from this property for 9 yrs now. Multiple that times millions of businesses and no wonder there isn't enough money for public services!! Another restaurant chain in Ohio had 48 illegals and just was busted recently. Multiple all those illegals across our whole country, taking so many jobs away, and no wonder people who would LOVE to work low ends jobs, and get off the bread lines, so to speak, can't find honest work! How is it now an advantage to be an alien here, instead of advantage to being a citizen whose lineage runs for generations? We built this country, we assimilated and didn't expect privileges just because we were new! Hell, no! Those people brought skills and started businesses, learned English and melted into the melting pot! There were no special educational privileges, no schools based on their languages, no signs in their languages, even if they WERE the majority of new ones coming here! How can we meld together with ones new and not even citizens, some never becoming so, and getting special privileges we as citizens can not have???


The government throwing money or guaranteeing loans to fanny etc isn’t enough. A non-capitalist approach of underpinning jobs is required. If you guarantee the jobs then the mortgage payments are guaranteed and like using super glue you can secure the card house against further movement. But guaranteeing jobs is something that only socialist governments do. Paying banks money, however, means kickbacks and party donations in the future.


Too little too late, but I tend to agree with your principles here. But there isn't enough money left to do this. That rebate this year was a joke. Again, to little to late. They are finally deciding to tell the public we are in a recession?? LMAO.. we are in a DEPRESSION, who are they kidding!! They had to borrow money to help anyone. We are already so much in debt to China, some are worried they own us now. I am thinking they may be correct. HOW did we go from a balanced budget when Clinton was in to this financial disaster we are all in now?? But the answer to that is another thread lol

I agree with your other factors, but it just isn't the case for the majority anymore. Those things STARTED this crisis. Other things made it jump upwards due to the beginnings of this real estate crisis. Not all now loosing their homes can be said it is due to bad banking practices. The news just today said that this real estate crisis is not expected to bottom out until 2009! Only then will it stabilize. It will take even longer to head upward again.


Society makes it's bed, time to lay upon it. Stop bundling your moms off to some grotty retirement home once she gets past caring for herself. Stop littering the highways and expecting someone else to pick up the trash. If you fill the menial jobs yourselves then with no work, immigrants are going back as there is no future for them.



Amen!! But American's produced this attitude. Now, Americans will have to get off their butts, and stop being catered to. Mow your own lawns. Get the kids outside doing chores instead of buying them things like gameboys or video games. Garden, can, hell, cook from scratch. Repair things and use them up instead of replacing everything with something new and even better! Tell the government to get off their butts and DO something about this energy crisis. There is the world's largest oil reserve here in the Midwest, in shale oil, not being tapped and contractors saying they can produce said oil at $10 a barrel... Hell with only drilling off the coast!!

They have cars that can run on water! On sunshine! On corn!! On electric! And how many great inventions for safe and efficient cars have been bought out by the car industry??? Can't hurt the auto industry as it stands, now can we?!! I owned a car in the 70's that did 45 miles to the gallon. NOT something new folks!!

We have to clean up tons of things to get this country back on top, and Americans are ALL going to have to lower their standard of living somewhat to make things better and change attitudes on a lot of things. Name brands is one thing that caused this, and people are the only ones who can change this. Consumerism, as it stands, isn't working anymore! Getting America back on task is going to take so many changes, that I don't think American's in general are going to be willing to walk the walk to make it happen anytime soon. Sad for our children and our grandkids, for sure!

So, hopefully all will do their part to help this housing crisis change. Ones losing their homes should not be ashamed. Just get yourselves back in the saddle and ride again. There is no shame if you are honest and trying to do your best for yourself, your family and working hard to do so. Self esteem can not be taken away, only given away. Refuse to do so!!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Foreclosure
Posted: 8/17/2008 4:09:10 PM
AMEN smilee4u... I was on the verge of being homeless a little over 2 years ago. I was working and everything.. but circumstances were tough. I know what you mean. I learned a lot from that experience, and compassion for the homeless, no matter how they got there, was one of them. I worked my way back up, but I am a bit worried now with the economy. But, we are all in the same boat to some degree, so hopefully people will learn not to judge so much and to be helpful and compassionate. For, but of the grace of God, walk thee!!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Foreclosure
Posted: 8/17/2008 4:02:16 PM
Who'sDrunk,

You can live within your means and still lose your home and all you have... job loss is one way and another is a major illness or disease. So if these things happen, shouldn't we who worked our whole lives, take advantage of things the government does offer, state or federal? Seems one would be stupid not too, if one would fall into dire straits. Hell, the ones who intentionally screw up and use the benefits do, why not the honest hard working people?
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Foreclosure
Posted: 8/17/2008 3:53:36 PM
Wow, a lot of hatred and anger here on this topic. I am with "beholder" for the most part. I feel sorry for the man. Seems he has gotten a double/triple whammy! And NOT all his fault! It's our TIMES causing this. Not anything this man did to make this happen. He isn't an alcoholic or druggie for petes sake! Look at the national figures.... there can't be that many people using that much poor judgment for them to end up in foreclosures by the millions. Geesh, people do the research before you tear someone down for caring about a friend loosing their home.

Who plans for divorce? Damn.. guess I should have saved for 25 years for mine. Who plans for home foreclosure? LOL Who thinks that working a good job for years and years somewhere will not continue if you are a hard worker? Americans always counted on these things being fairly stable. We are told from youth, if you work hard, are honest, you will be successful! They were taught to for generations. American, the place everyone else on the planet wants to come to!! Who can know the economy was about to crash this horribly, and hurt us ALL? NO ONE is not affected by this now. Even the rich. They aren't spending as much now, and that affect WILL trickle down to all of us and it's not good news! It is about to get worse, not better. We aren't done with this yet! Read, watch the news, not reality TV.... You will discover it's all true.

BANKS are CLOSING. The American dollar is way down in the world market! Food prices and housing costs, fuels, repairs for homes and cares, clothing, even used, all has gone shooting up drastically. Nothing is left untouched by this. And in an economy where the majority haven't money in savings. (At an all time low for savings since WW!!)

I would take a better look around and figure out why people are spending, spending, spending for years now. We are a consumer society!! And to look at the commercials, you would think they still are. The media tells us all was just fine.... good times for Americans, while this country sends all our jobs overseas. Buy that new cell phone, buy that new fuel saving car. Buy that new IPOD.

China will soon be the largest manufacturer of goods in the world. Hmmm, wonder how that happened? India has been eating up all the communication services and we now are loosing jobs all over the country due to this things that no one thought to stop! (Have you not been switched to someone in India offering to help you with some issue?) I guess the government forgot to watch the cons and liars in the housing industry screw everyone over and not houses are foreclosing and the government NOW wants to spend billions on trying to fix it!! NUTS!!! INSANE!

Seems the majority have to have all the latest gadgets. Credit card debt is through the roof. HOW has our countries leaders let this all happen without blinking an eye??? And don't get me started on how we are letting millions a day into our country and allowing them to eat up what precious services for the needy we already have. We are being bought out in businesses all over and ones, especially from the middle east, are taking advantage of coming here for the tax advantages our own government gives them. Do citizens get free college education, homes, cars, food stamps, moneys for health care and on and on. NO... try getting something when you are down! It is also said with the past, present, and future huge influx of Mexicans moving here, that they will be the next majority! How is it we allow soooo many people into our country to eat up resources we just dont have and we can not take care of all the people already here!!???

Many more questions need to be answered here, not why this poor unfortunate man lost his home. Sounds to me he was just doing what everyone else is in this country and now it is crashing down around millions, not just one man here!!

The housing market has crashed so low and the prices are so low that it will take years to even start to recover. Have you all heard that the banks are not even letting most people buy unless they have excellent credit and a decent down payment. The banks are also closing credit lines on equity already established!! That leaves a lot of home owners hurting and they CANT sell to get free of debt, even if they can make their home payments, because there are so many now owning homes where the value dropped way below what they owe!! Yeah.. I am sure homeowners should have planned for that one too! LOL

Seems to me one poor soul loosing their home should be pitied, not persecuted!! And thank goodness he seems to have people who care about him. I wonder how many of you self-righteous here, trashing this man, have held out you hand to help anyone in need. Are Americans so self-centered they cant reach out and give so someone can be helped to reestablish themselves.. Wait.. I guess not, since there was NO PLAN FOR THAT! What about health costs rising too!? Are you ones saving for divorces, homes, cars, refrigerators, job loss, saving for a sudden illness or disease to come along? Better start saving for that too along with all the other things that may befall you. Hell you will need to be a millionaire to manage all the things that MAY befall you!

I save. Always have. But life happens and the savings dwindle. I cut my TV costs to $7 an month, my computer to $15,my cell to lower minutes, and I don't have a land phone now. I turn off all appliances not in use but my Fridge. That includes the power to the TV, microwave etc. I already was watching my driving. I buy used clothes and things. I never buy things full price. But I haven always been like this. I have always done all I can to economize. I was already cutting ALL corners, so now what do I do? There aren't any corners TO cut now. How many of you people are doing that much to cut costs?

Other shit happens and it takes a long time to build things up again. But with the way this economy is now, and will not be changing anytime soo, it is hard to get savings back up when your raise is 3 % and increases in your output have gone up 15%. I just got slammed with a "fuel" increase of 20 bucks per month starting last month, on top of the rent increase which was $30! The rent increase is supposed to take care of that. But they somehow can do that. Add all those things mentioned before also increasing and it seems there isn't much left for saving.

Seems greed has taken over in this country also. But that is another topic for another time. I would say that a lot of people here and in this country need to wake up and smell reality before it bites THEM in the ass. Watch you all complain then when it hits YOUR home, even though you are trying so hard to avoid a disaster ! I am betting all will be hurt sooner or later to some degree with all this stuff happening Just pray you wont be in his situation down the road. Hope you saved enough!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Culture and race in today's relationships
Posted: 8/17/2008 2:35:45 PM
Well, many races feel this way, and for some it becomes hatred of other races. But no race is completely pure. Down the road, as the mixing is going, the human race will be one, and then finally do you think we can stop this hatred? Probably not, since there are so many other issues everyone has on this planet with a negative impact.

As far as this young woman, I would let her be. She expressed her opinion. I am thinking she should have made it very clear though, since she found you good enough to do everything else with.

I dated a black guy for several months, and race wasn't an issue for us, but it sure was for so many around us! I found that the blacks were the worst, especially the women, in putting us down. His family was tolerant and nice, but I had the feeling they wished I was black. I was a bit surprised by this, because I expected a lot of flack from whites, and there actually was very little. Live and learn. From what I hear from the black co-workers and friends at work, this isn't unusual. So now I know. Sad, though the human races can put limits on who you can love and marry.

But, one way or the other, what your friends says she wants needs to be respected. How sad for you, though, to have to go through the pain this will cause you when you actually loved her enough to consider marriage. But, a good thing to know now and not later if she went against what she felt and married you and issues started later on.

Wishing you the best,
Linda
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Could you exist today without a CELL phone????
Posted: 8/17/2008 2:20:44 PM
I remember fighting my ex about getting a microwave after they were out!

Seems most kids now have a cell phone... I float back and forth on my opinion on this. Can the parents afford it? Is there limits? There are a lot of things anymore to take into consideration now-a-days for so many things when it comes to adults spending money on things, let alone what we think the kids need or don't.

Since you are the one raising your kids and paying for whatever, I suppose you should ask your parents opinion on why they think your kids are spoiled, think about it and do what you think is best. If you are wrong, you will have to deal with the consequences, AND your parents telling you they told you so! LOL..


But, Do NOT take my microwave, my video cam, computer, printer, laptop, or my cell phone away!!! GET BACK!! Mine, mine, mine!!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
'High morals
Posted: 8/16/2008 7:01:06 PM

I suspect that "high" has been imported from having a "high morale" which is not quite the same as being moral.


Good one! Can one have "low" moral standards? Who dictates what is to be considered high or low?? Sigh, some just do not get it so many times, and many never will. But, hey, it makes for good entertainment!

I leave others to what they do, and what they learn from what they do. I have enough to do just treading water staying afloat in this nutty world. I know what I want and I will eventually get it. If it was easy we all wouldn't be here. Thank goodness though for the forums. You really see what people are about here in case you become interested in them. (Including me!)
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
The Best Match?
Posted: 8/16/2008 3:28:47 PM
Well, I would think that if you really truly knows who one is and what one is about in life, ones goals and many other things, I would think one could answer this for themselves.

There are just way too many variables to come up with one answer to this for all, independent or not. What one independent person would want, may not be the same for another, let alone all. (EX: Just the fact of how one became independent could make a big difference here on choices making a best match.)

This is like asking what the best match would be if one is seeking to have kids, or what would be the best match for someone who has kids already and doesn't want more. Just too many variables to discern and one would need a lot more information to make a good suggestion.
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
'High morals
Posted: 8/16/2008 3:18:56 PM
Lots of comments on here. Here is my 2 cents for what it is worth... (which is 2 cents!) lol

Playing the devil's advocate here; morals is NOT just about sex, but seems to be thought of that way by the vast majority on here from what I read on the forums. Sexual choices doesn't make one moral or immoral. It just means you chose what to do sexually. Simple. Some think sex on the first date is fine, if that is all one seeks. How can you tell someone what they want to do is wrong for them. Life is about choices. You will find out if it isn't a good choice all by yourself I would think, without someone telling you they think you are "immoral" or not. Life is about learning. Sex is one area we learn in, I would hope! It doesn't make that person immoral necessarily, since one is more than a sexual being. One can chose many life styles, sexually or otherwise, but that doesn't make one moral or immoral. People confuse their own standards with what is moral and put that standard on all they meet. Sad.

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/morals

There are ELEVEN definitions here of the word "moral" and the SIXTH one has to so with sexual conduct as in chasteness. Now, define "chaste"! And which standard of "chaste "do we follow? The "norm" of today, of the 80's? of the 60's? of the 50's or 40's? Maybe the norms of the "roaring 20's"? Don't even ask about what is the "norm" elsewhere in the world, such as Sweden, France, England or the many countries in Africa. Being that the USA is still a huge melting pot of different cultures and beliefs here in the USA, it would be a tough thing to define for ALL to follow.

It is all relative. And regional. In other parts of this country the ideas change as to what is moral and not. North, South, East, and West. Then you have other countries defining morals differently than us. Dont go somewhere else and tell them what moral is by your standards if theirs are not the same! LOL.....Different faiths differ also on what is moral. But seems the basics are there in most of them. Do not steal, lie, kill, etc. In other words, true basic morals are innate.

One should never push ones own idea of what is what off on others as the only one, and try to get others to back you and agree. It shows closed mindedness. There is no ONE way for everyone on this planet, no matter what the issue is. And choosing a different course than the majority doesn't make a person immoral.

I even imagine that some can sleep with others on the first date and still have self respect. Who is to judge why anyone should have self respect or not. One knows if that is so, and they don't need someone to tell them. But they may be reaching out for help in that area, so be careful that your comments do not make things worse for them. Encouragement is one thing. Knocking someone down is another if you are just trying to prove your point is correct for all. Diversity and acceptance should always be allowed. How boring it would be otherwise!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 127 (view)
 
Would this scare you?
Posted: 8/16/2008 11:48:38 AM
Alienware Adam,

I too, know several couples that met online that have either married or are still together after several years. I even has grandkids as a result! LOL I have dated several men who later found love and marriage down the road. It can and does work!

On the rejection thing, thus posting profiles not accurate or with needed info in fear of rejection. Does that even make sense. I want someone to know a lot about me before they decide to email me. If one is fearful of rejection, then they need to work on themselves so rejection doesn't matter and they can be honest. ... If only! Sure would save a lot of us a lot of time!

Other fears means issues need to be addressed and worked on. Some fear is a good thing, as long as it doesn't stop you from enjoying life!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 126 (view)
 
Would this scare you?
Posted: 8/16/2008 11:41:09 AM
sounds a bit strange to me.... but not necessarily dangerous. Just watch and see. If something happens call the police. I would copy his whole profile for now in case you need it later.. Paranoid? Cautious yes. You can always erase it. But there are freaks everywhere. He just may be overly enamored with you, or a con making you think he thinks more of you than he does for whatever motives he might have.....but either way, that would cause ME to back off a bit, LOL...

Always better to side on the side of caution than not!

Happy fishing

Linda
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
I need advice `Did I handle this ok, or just lost it.'
Posted: 8/16/2008 11:25:10 AM
Sassibabe,
You should have walked away and said, "Lesson learned." Texting him only feed his ego. You accomplished nothing but making him think your anger meant you still care about him and he could come back for more and take advantage of your vulnerability.

In my opinion you should learn quickly that any man still married, even though separated, has not worked through issues need to be worked through. It is said that you shouldn't start any serious relationships until you have been single for at least a year, if not two. As you found out, he can go back to the one(s) left. Although some lie and say they are single too, but that is another story. I tell anyone who is "separated" to come back later after it is final. I will talk to them, but not meet or date them or go out with them even on a friends basis. It is just too easy to fall for someone you like and find him unavailable down the road. I wont even put my self into that position. Sounds like a 45 yr old seeing a 17 yr old is a big loser anyway! I'm thinking this one though is a player or has mental issues of some sort. He is bouncing all over having fun with whomever with no responsibilities to them, including you and his wife and who knows who else. I would run from him fast if I were that wife!

The "hang out" option on POF CAN be meaning the guy is saying that when he wants casual sex and wants no commitments. Be careful with what is put in profiles. Ask a ton of questions. If the guy is a jerk, he will slip up most the time and you can move on. (The hard time gamers and cons though are much harder to crack) So, don't sleep with anyone you meet online, (or elsewhere lol) unless you want casual sex yourself, before at least 2 months. The gamers will be gone before that time is up, lol. Usually in an email or two. IF they cant answer or get angry being questioned, move on. He isn't patient enough or has issues that you wont want to deal with anyway. A patient man will understand the online issues, even if they don't apply to him and deal, being happy you are careful.

Be much more selective. If I were you too, I would re-write my profile and be more specific to what is wanted and what is not wanted. Some men will respect that. Others will see it as a challenge. It is up to you to weed out who is who.

Best of luck and happy fishing!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
I need advice `Did I handle this ok, or just lost it.'
Posted: 8/16/2008 11:04:27 AM
Rainy,

A college degree, or age, doesn't mean a thing if one hasn't experienced enough life. I know some really stupid college graduates! The degree only means you passed the required college classes and got a degree in that one area. It doesn't mean anything to being savvy in life. Some not graduating high school can be, over all, more intelligent, and a better individual.

Age too has a lot of variables. This could be a lady new to the older dating scene. She may have been married and sheltered a long time in life. (Thus your conclusion to her age and education) She is obviously learning what is what now in the dating scene. It sure is not as it once was even 10 years ago, let alone what it was 20 or more and she doesn't like what she found so far.

Too, add to that our sex crazed world, and so many taking advantage of anyone who could be uninformed in that area, and you have what she found.

The more we date, the more we learn, and figure out the red flags, and how to weed out what sort of people we don't want to know, let alone date! LOL

You do make a number of very good points. But, not all is what you think it is when reading something, both ways. Her profile doesn't say much actually, but you are right, what is said, including her chosen name, does project an image of some one who would be willing to do more than she says here she wants. Maybe she just thought it was cute? Maybe someone else wrote if for her. Maybe she doesn't really know how it comes across. Who knows. But no matter how well you think you wrote your profile to what you want, there is always someone who comes along trying to game play.

Hopefully all she reads in the thread will be helpful and will lead her to a happier dating scene!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 24 (view)
 
My First Date
Posted: 8/15/2008 7:19:43 PM
Amen c_deacon, agree! A few I wished later I wish had ended much sooner. Distance does seem to be a big issue, with a number of good reasons.
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 22 (view)
 
My First Date
Posted: 8/15/2008 5:04:06 PM
As to talking before hand , getting a photo, thus one should have a good idea of whom they may be meeting to date, ahead of time, isn't all that easy.

I not only emailed and chatted with one guy online, but a pic was given too. We talked on the phone. I met the guy, and it went right down hill in real. The guy didn't look like the photo he gave me. It was obviously an old one. You cant tell a whole lot on the phone sometimes if the guy is really trying to score with you telling you what he thinks you want to hear. The whole evening he was drooling at my chest and making suggestions that were not at all appropriate to just meeting someone. It was disgusting. You just cant always tell until you meet.

Another guy I had a recent photo of and he was nice on the phone, nice in person, but no chemistry when we met. Chemistry can start before meeting, as it did with this man, on both of our parts, but can come to a screeching halt in person. We had a few dates but nothing was there for either of us. We had very nice dates but "it" just wasn't there. So looks aren't what its all about either. You can not have chemistry with someone attractive, and you can be attracted to someone not at all good looking.

If someone isn't honest about what they look like, that alone can be a turn off because they are being dishonest. Let alone lying about what they really want and are about. You can't tell all before meeting. OP did have a photo from her, but obviously not a good representation of the woman. There just wasn't chemistry in real either. She wasn't what he expected. And that can be a big problem dating online. So one should be prepared to deal with reality either way, good or bad and deal with it as a decent person, not just disappearing and ignoring someone. You just do not know how things will go.

One women was correct in saying you learn with experience. Sooo true lol But that is all life is really, experiences!


Happy fishing all!!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 21 (view)
 
My First Date
Posted: 8/15/2008 4:39:53 PM
Well, maybe he isn't obligated, but there is no need to be rude either. He is concerned she expects more from him. A nice decent note of some sort will put that to rest. Since he is asking, I would think he is questioning if whether to just not call and disappear would be appropriate. If he didn't think it was wrong, I doubt he would be asking. No need to ask when you know what to do. But that is just my thinking.
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 20 (view)
 
My First Date
Posted: 8/15/2008 4:34:11 PM
BDRT said it all. Nothing else anyone says matters here, and you do not need to defend your feelings and opinions. You showed up, stayed for the date. Sensed you are not a match... nothing else needs to be said.

Send a nice message as BDRT said. You owe nothing else. She will understand or not. What she says or feels isn't your responsibility. Chances are she will just move on. Most rejected nicely or otherwise should appreciate honesty at least. It is the cowards way out to just disappear. It isn't easy being honest sometimes, but think how you would feel if it were the other way around.
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 308 (view)
 
The 3 Day Rule
Posted: 8/15/2008 4:27:47 PM
Rules, rules and more rules!!! Who can possible keep track which ones one should follow lol... How about the rule about "Rules are made to be broken?"

Rules and restrictions, in my opinion, are made for people who have don't have the thinking ability to do what is correct ( of course what is correct can be debated too, lol) and may need to be led so as not to harm anyone.

Problem is, the ones who are leading make the rules for whatever they think is right! I have learned to follow my own gut instincts. Every darn time I do not, it backfires on me. Think for oneself, experience life, make mistakes, learn from them, and stop following what others think unless that is what you think also! NO ONE is completely correct, all the time, he he.. Including myself!

If I start thinking my opinion on anything is the only one, I think someone should lock me up. It is the ones who think there is only one path to everything and anything they believe, and impose that on others cause a lot of heartache for many on this planet. We are not clones...

Are we children? Or are we adults willing to be responsible for what we do, or are we childlike worried about what we should do, and looking for approval or the time?

So if you want to call the first day or a week later.. go for it... You can send an email, text or whatever too. Communication is how we discover whether one is for you or not. Not lack of communication.

Isn't there a 3 date rule too for kissing/sex too?? So many rules to follow dating. Who has time to date, for memorizing all the rules! If you want sex on the first, second or 20th date, or you want to wait for marriage, go for what is right for YOU. If you make a mistake, and we all do, then you learn about yourself. NO mistake is all negative. You have to live with your decisions, no one else's. If the one you're dating pushes your comfort zone, RUN! They aren't thinking about you, but just themselves. Who wants to be with anyone so selfish their way is always right, and they won't even consider you and what you want, anyway?

Who came up with this idea of the 3 day rule or anyone with any dating rule? Someone with a personal agenda, of course!



As always my own opinion, and not written in stone!

Happy fishing everyone!! Enjoy the day!!

Linda
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 33 (view)
 
What's up with this?
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:28:25 PM
GoneSailinBabe,

I am thinking you both may already know the answer! I too was there once right after my divorce. I am pretty sure you both will end up where I did. Once you stop making things happy, nothing happens. If the guys are already behaving this way, "adios" isn't that far off down the road. Since I was new at the time to dating after a 25 yr divorce, I had a whole lot to learn. I learned pretty fast, he he. The signs are there, and unless the signs change to something else they sign, I am thinking it well soon read "Dead End."

If the guy isn't into you at least as much as you are into him, or for that matter, vice versa, it usually ends. I won't waste my time ever again on that sort of relationship.

Best luck to you both. Seems you both are smart enough and will make the right things for you happen.

Linda
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 32 (view)
 
What's up with this?
Posted: 8/12/2008 6:20:41 PM
OP, I think arwen52 nailed what I didn't say in my post!!
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
What's up with this?
Posted: 8/12/2008 1:46:56 PM
Well, I have a good question to ask you, and it may answer your own. Can you see being with this man in a very long term committed relationship with him continuing the same behaviors?

People are what they are. You can not change them. Changes in people that last are changes they themselves chose to make not based on what others want of them, in general. If you talk with him and he realizes he is wrong in his actions for what he wants for himself, he will change. If he says he will change, wait and see. Habits take a while to break and hold the new pattern. If in 4 months he still keeps the changes, he has a good chance of making the new pattern his own. But if he isn't making the changes for himself, but just for you, chances are they won't last. So it would be up to you to wait it out for up to a year to see. Are other things about him worth the risk of that much time with him?

It is really up to you to make those choices.
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Private about phone number
Posted: 8/10/2008 8:38:49 AM
I usually give out my number, cell, once I decide to meet so if he doesn't show or something happens along the way we can call each other. I have yet, after 6 years, have anyone call me after the date didn't work out, or have anyone call me after dating and breaking up. I guess I just simply was careful enough in my judgment to chose people who were mature enough to deal. I asked all the deal breakers before hand, and made fairly sure he wasn't some nut case. I followed my instincts. Not sure... but seems that was why they never called.... Or maybe they said "Whew, escaped that one!" and ran off screaming.....

Linda
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Played again...
Posted: 8/10/2008 7:54:42 AM
minxyxxx

Trust, but do it wisely. Learn the red flags thoroughly. Take time not dating on and off to make sure you are not out of balance. Players KNOW when you are, and will move in!

MOST men are good men. Most players will turn into good men, once they are done playing and want something serious! Don't forget too, that some men become players because they were played and vice versa. They are not strong people yet and need to do a lot of growing as individuals. Some of them will NEVER grow up. Most will eventually.

But, if it was easy to find the right one, not just a good one, we wouldn't all be HERE! So saying you are looking for a good man is null and void, as it is when men say they are looking for a good women. MOST out there are good people! Define what "good" is to YOU. Define what you want and do not want. Knowing both will help your search.

Grow as a person. Find something new that you never did before and try it. If you don't like it, try something else. Along the way you will become a more well, rounded person and that attracts the RIGHT men.

Show your heart on your sleeve, but just don't hand it out to just anyone! Be YOU, and you won't have to worry about someone liking you for yourself in the long run. Never pretend, it attracts the wrong person for you, even if the man is a good man.

I didn't look at your profile, but maybe somethings there should be defined better or more added or some things taken away. Make sure you are portraying what you want, not attracting what you do not want. I recheck mine here and there to make sure it represents me and what I want and how I think. We are all a work of art and ever changing. Our profiles should reflect that and what we are now.

It works too! One not so nice man told me my profile indicated I liked to talk. DUH... and he hates talkers and prefers silence and wasn't nice at all in his comments. I told him he would have all the silence he could ever want once he dies ... Bad me, he he he... Point is, obviously my profile worked and weeded him out. I wasn't hitting on the guy, so not sure what that was all about. But, he did read me well, I doooo like to talk and discuss things... It is my nature. So, of course a person wanting a mate who is extremely quiet wouldn't want ME! So make sure your profile reflects you well.

Hope this helps some.

Linda
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 80 (view)
 
Looking at younger women / girls.
Posted: 8/10/2008 6:57:07 AM

No wonder he turned his back on her and essentially said, "whatever". Those weren't the thoughts he had, but if he's going to try to argue against assumptions and what's in her mind, why bother? How would he ever convince her otherwise? Or you?


~ds~, Very good point! The problem with forums and the many people on them, including me, is that when someone reads something, each person can have a different conclusion to what is wrote due to THEIR experiences with the subject discussed. Some won't even consider another possibility to their own thoughts on the topic either. Very sad, because closed minds can not grow and see how things could be other than what they think! And that makes for judgment. (He who is perfect, throw the first stone?)

Do you notice too, that on the forums, the same people leap in to condemn on the same topics? Why? If the topic is disgusting to them, and they have nothing up-building to say, why comment time and time again to tear apart the OP and others agreeing, or ones wanting to know something about the said topic, with judgmental and negative comments? Could it be that they are just trying hard to justify what they think is totally correct! I don't know.

The comments too, leaped to him "lusting"!? How did looking become lusting? Was he staring? Was he glancing? Was he drooling? lol.....We do not know! So little real information here to cause comments to be sooo intense. More comments on protecting teen girls? For petes sake, how did this man become a molester, so that the teens needed protection? Yes, that can be an issue in our country.. but that is another topic for another forum so it can be thoroughly discussed. Someone might do that. It is an important topic, but just not this one here.

As I said before, both the OP and his wife seem to have issues. For whatever reason, she is horribly jealous of even a look. Why? Hell, I watch people of ALL ages as they walk down the street! What does that make me? He is working in his yard, girls walk by and he keeps glancing up as they go....I think most people out in their yard would do the exact same thing. I am pretty sure if he knew the wife was watching him judgmentally, he wouldn't have glanced more than once to avoid the obvious onslaught of negativity that followed, even though he said he saw here watching him. Or he simply doesn't give a hoot anymore what she thinks. If they had been teen boys going by, would she accuse him of being gay? As for him, this is an ongoing, unresolved issue, and he is done communicating. Failure is ahead for both of them unless they get help to deal with the issue.

Again, there could be a dozen different reasons the wife reacts this way that actually has nothing to do with HIM looking at the girls walking down the street. She may have had a bad past experience somewhere along the line and assumes something her husband isn't doing at all. Or, it could have everything to do with it, if he did something in the past too. WE simply don't know, and lack a LOT of information here. So why judge?
 lindy_3333
Joined: 3/6/2006
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Looking at younger women / girls.
Posted: 8/9/2008 8:15:30 PM
actualizing , I was thinking the same thoughts as you. It seems they BOTH have issues to deal with.
 
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