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 Author Thread: what do girls really want ....just curious
 phil127
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
what do girls really want ....just curious
Posted: 8/12/2012 12:29:38 AM
Wow that's a great question.I've been wondering the same thing for three years now since my ex cheated onme with one of these a-holes and then ended up marrying him.And guess what, he's still an a-hole!He's a druggie,drinks excessively and they have constant loud arguments that disturb the kids at night.And he's a lazy bum who mainly plays video games and sleeps in his spare time,but I was the bad boyfriend because I worked 2 jobs to help pay bills and put our kids needs ahead of my own.go figure! That may sound like a rant,but its really a statement of fact.crazy,I know but true.
 phil127
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Confused....some help?
Posted: 8/12/2012 12:16:37 AM
Wow.I seem to have the same problemI will write to someone who seems like they want what I want or has similar interest,etc. and I usually get either no response,a snotty smartass reply,or unread deleted.I always thought it was common courtesy to at least tell someone politely thanks,but no thanks at least.I know some women say they get sooo many messages,but even so you can tell by reading quickly whether a guy is just out for a quickie or serious about meeting you.i wonder a lot about the seriousness of what many of the women on here say in regards to a relationship.
 phil127
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Flirt Option?
Posted: 8/12/2012 12:08:15 AM
well,Im a guy and I'm extremely shy and would really like to have that option if I see a profile I really like,but don't know what I want to sy at first.Of course I've noticed a lot of the women say they want you to have some kind of depth to your message when you first come at them,which for someone like me is often difficult.
 phil127
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 28 (view)
 
whats the differance
Posted: 8/11/2012 1:18:57 AM
I don't think you have any unserstanding of the topic you started.There is as so many of the other posts have said,a huge difference between having older kids and younger ones.I know I have experienced a tough time in dating because I have two young boys.Women don't want to deal with that unless they are currently in the same boat,and at my age (41) many women have older kids already,and for me that would be difficult because I don't have a clue how I would deal with a teenager.Having worked with many over the past few years,it might not be good. Anyway, my point is the age of the children does matter to others who may be interested in dating you.And having kids does matter because they should always come first and some people are too selfish and self centered to get that and only want you to put the focus on them. i hope that was clear enough,but I get the sense that for you,kind sir it may not be.
 phil127
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 43 (view)
 
why is it so one sided ?
Posted: 8/10/2012 11:02:19 AM
guys like these are why the rest of nice guys get such a bad rap. Hope you find a real man without all the issues.
 phil127
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Getting a second date from online dating is harder than pulling teeth..
Posted: 8/10/2012 10:55:36 AM
Maybe your standards are too low...

That doesn't make sense.If his standards were low,thenthese girls would have been itching to go out with him again.I have also had trouble getting those second dates.I either get told I'm being pushy or get completely ignored.I am a nice polite guy too.I have only had one woman I have met in the past 6 months(out of 4) be honest and say upfront,thanks but I don't think we have chemistry,etc. I appreciated that honesty,and i think that is also what this fella probably would like a little of also. Just be straight forward and quit playing these dodgy little games.Its unneccessary.
 phil127
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 21 (view)
 
For all those who detest facebook
Posted: 8/10/2012 9:56:33 AM
i personally don't trust facebook because of all the freaks on it.But you get the same thing on here.I don't personally see the value of facebook,but that's me. I'm not trying to hide anything,by the way,but I don't have time to be active on facebook either.I don't spend all my free time on a computer,so facebook holds little appeal to me.Plus I have two kids and try to spend as much time with them as I can when I am not at work.Stop being suspicious of those of us who are suspicious of big brother type stuff likefacebook. I like myspace better anyhow,even though it seems everyone abandoned it.
 phil127
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 69 (view)
 
SIngle dads with kids full time.
Posted: 8/10/2012 9:50:13 AM
I think the problem as someone stated before is that your kids are relatively young.If a woman has kids that age,then she might be more willing to date you,so its just a matter of trying to find that one,which I know isn't easy.I've experienced similar difficulties and was told once by someone that this is a reason I have low response,because my kids are younger,9 and 7.You just need to be patient. Clearly you are one of the quality guys women say they want,so I think it'll happen for you eventually.It's really just a lot of hit and miss(mostly miss). Good Luck to you.
 phil127
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 62 (view)
 
Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 8/10/2012 9:36:31 AM
wow,I think you're making broad generalizations here.Because in my situation I would barely call what my ex does parenting.Of course she is not single anymore either,but is with a total deadbeat,which is why even though we have joint custody,I do most of the heavy lifting when it comes to parenting.Its also why i had to try for full custody in the first place.She just keeps pushing out more babies making it harder on my boys(which is irrelevant to the topic I suppose).But it does show that her idea of parenting is just biological and not really emotional.Parenting involves some hands on,and just having the same DNA doesn't neccessarily qualify.Parenting is work,and if you are putting some in,then I think that qualifies one as a single parent regardless of percentages of custody and so forth.And most kids know inside which side their bread is buttered on,their not stupid.
 phil127
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 185 (view)
 
is a deadbeat dad better then no dad at all?
Posted: 8/10/2012 9:22:37 AM
It sounds like this guy is kind of an idiot and doesn't realize what it means to be a father.Maybe he will as he spends more time with his daughter,but its no guarantee. Don't cut him off,but try to maybe talk to him in a non-confrontational way about his role.Don't bring up money though,because its a sure way to drive him away.Just little stuff,such as you mentioned changing a diaper or feeding or taht kind of thing. Baby steps.The thing is that he needs to realize for himself what a special thing he has.If he continues to be such a dissapointment,your daughter will hopefully be smart enough to figure out on her own that he is not a good father and while it can be painful for her,its better for her to see the truth on her own than to have you decide it for her.the only way you should cut him off is if he is abusive. hope that helps.
 phil127
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 795 (view)
 
Do guys like single moms?
Posted: 8/9/2012 10:12:16 PM
wow,who says military guys are all so great.what a jerk.Sorry for your situation,because seem nice.The truth is guys do like single moms,especially if they have kids themselves.But I think what the one person said about focusoing on your little one while he is still an infant is right. Worry about you later because your baby needs you now.If you happen to find someone in the meantime,then that's great,but shouldn't really be your main focus,more of a secondary concern.That may sound harsh,but it will make you a better mother for it and likely a stronger person,although you seem pretty strong already having gone through what you have.We all have doubts about our love life,but I believe good things come to good people and you'll get your happy ending eventually.
 phil127
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Frustration!!
Posted: 8/9/2012 9:53:11 PM
You know what? Screw those guys who send you nasty messages,because like so many guys,they are jerks and don't deserve your time.You are totally right in wanting someone mature and loving that will want to be part of a family.Its always the right idea to consider how someone will affect your child.I don't want to date someone who can't accept that I am an integral part of my kid's lives and always will be.I wish my ex was as concerned about the same things you are,she might have chosen someone better to cheat on me with!The guy she is with now is a loser and my kids can't stamd him,which is her loss and their pain.You are a mother first and foremost now,and although I know you want to find that personal happiness,which we all do and deserve,Your children are your first priority and their safety is as well.You are totally in the right mindset and don't let anyone tell you different.And don't give up either.Sometimes it takes awhile and a lot of looking to find the right one,but I think that you will.
 phil127
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 25 (view)
 
not disclosing that you have a child =(
Posted: 8/9/2012 9:32:35 PM
I am a single dad and I make sure that it is on my profile so that everyone knows.Honesty is the best policy period,but especially in this situation.i know it costs me a chance at a lot of attractive women,but not to sound bitter,most women who won't date dads are very likely selfsh and not as loving as others,so I don't want to be with them anyway.been there,done that. and I did say most and very likely,because there are no real absolutes,just tendencies,before anyone decides to hatefully rip me. :)
 phil127
Joined: 7/24/2009
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Enlightenment required for single father of 2
Posted: 8/9/2012 8:45:58 PM
I am also a single dad and have joint custody,which i declare in my profile.I'm glad to know that there are other guys dealing with similar issues to me and that they feel that being honest about it is the way to go. I just get the sense that many women whose profiles I've read feel we are all a bunch of lying jerks,making hard for those of us who aren't.I feel very encouraged by reading this forum and i hope the guy who had the question does too,because he should know that being honest about who you are and what you want is the only way you'll find what you're looking for,whatever that may be.
 
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