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 Author Thread: Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/12/2018 4:24:40 PM

OP: Are your parents-or anyone you know who are their age-constantly crawling over and pawing each other, and doing it non-stop the entire time they are with each other? If not, at what age did they stop doing that? There are a lot of couples who are married for decades and will be until their last breath, who don't act like teens with crazy hormone action going on in their bodies. Most people wouldn't want to feel that they will be pounced on the minute they walk through the door, and expected to be in a constant state of euphoria.


Yep, a few family members like that, embarrassed their kids and all, my parents were kinda like that just not to the same extreme, people together for decades who seemed like they have only been dating a few months. and in most cases those are the couples that when one of them dies the other aint too far behind. the ole folks called it "he/she died of a broken heart".

Interestingly enough that's more common when the wife goes first.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 91 (view)
 
Ex Arlo lux
Posted: 12/8/2018 2:10:43 PM
actually I agree with the OP, I have had a few show up in searches that were obvious and I just moved on to the next profile. I have contacted a few(unknowingly) that were passing and lucky for me they were honest about it in the first reply, and while I appreciate their honesty telling me before anything can get started, it was annoying to get my hopes up at seeing a reply in my inbox only to have those hopes shattered.
And lastly the odd chance a passing transgendered person choosing not to be honest about their nature forming a relationship with some un-knowing person is reason enough for them to have their own section, plus there are people out there who are into that or don't care one way or the other and specifically seek them out or ad that category to their filter.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
When a couple feels bait & switched but really only one was.
Posted: 12/8/2018 1:49:23 PM

OP you are focusing on so much negativity, over-analyzing things, etc.

Dating & relationships should be fun, not a Kafka-esque, angst ridden journey.

Careers require time & mental energy.

Try dating a woman who works at a "job" instead if you want a woman w/ more time/less responsibility.


I don't focus on negativity or positivity, I just focus on whats in front of me if positive is in front of me I'm happy and dancin in the streets(metaphorically speaking), if I see negative I will acknowledge it and speak against it. problem is at least from what I have seen of modern dating good situations seem to come too few and far between, while the pitfalls of dating seem to be the norm.

The downside of the way my brain works is that I remember things in vivid detail, both good times and bad(which is how I know one outweighs the other) and I don't recognize middle ground because I don't feel it. I can feel euphoria, bliss and joy or fear, anger, depression and longing, I don't know what contentment(Just okay or non intense emotions) feels like because I don't experience it, I know its definition, I understand what people are describing on an intellectual level, but I don't know what that feels like . My emotions don't have a lever they have a rocker circuit(switch).
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
When a couple feels bait & switched but really only one was.
Posted: 12/8/2018 12:43:14 AM

In my experiences a lot of men are clingy and needy. They hide it at first or maybe I just don't notice it. Was just having this conversation with a co worker. She was with a seemingly perfect guy and things ended up like this. She left, he fell apart. I'm old, 61, grew up believing men were the emotionally stronger sex, turns out they're mostly not.


Problem is MOST people display traits that are viewed by the masses these days as needy and clingy, that why it does not become a problem until later.
Most(not all) people when they first get together are constantly talking, hanging out, texting each other(when they can't be together, humping like bunnies every chance they get etc etc..... but the problem comes in when it turns out thats one persons relationship mode but but the others "getting to know you" mode. because for the one with whom thats their relationship mode thats just how they are when in a relationship, for the one who thats their "getting to know you" mode they behave like that only for a few weeks or months but then start to ease back into their old routine and attempt to squeeze their partner into their old life without breaking anything. in other words he did not start being needy and clingy you just stopped being that way once the honeymoon hormones wore off. for some people it's not the hormones making them act that way, its just who they are, those are the ones that get hurt once the "new" wears off for the one they are dating and they start to feel neglected after you have gotten them used to the honeymoon phase version of you.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Do you feel you have run out of fish in your area?
Posted: 12/7/2018 7:29:49 AM

I know you're joking (hopefully) but animals are no substitute for human connection and interaction. It's very thoughtless when people suggest "oh just get a pet" or "just go masturbate" as solutions for loneliness. The vast majority of us crave & thrive off human closeness & companionship. A few months ago I was lamenting to my mom about how lonely I was here (all my friends & family live 1,000 miles away) and she suggested I get a dog. She meant well but I don't place pets at the same level in my life as friends, or vice versa.


I have said that same thing many times except not about pets but friends, when people tell me to be more social, or to create a circle of friends to cure my loneliness, ..... mmmmmm no thanks, platonic friends are no substitute for romantic partner, and my dog is not at the same level I put my friends, he is actually slightly higher on the totem pole(he is always there for me, always excited and happy to see me keeps code enforcement off my property lol J/K, I know what to expect out of him every day) in fact the only humans I can tolerate more than a few hours at a time these days would be a romantic partner(that never gets old and never lasts long enough).
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 21 (view)
 
What are things you see in dating profiles that will make you sadly skip past them?
Posted: 12/7/2018 6:47:39 AM

maybe it's just a perception...
Guy posing in front of a high end car or truck = I have a good job and am stable in my life
Exotic locations = I work hard and play hard and am looking to share the fun things in life with someone


So those types of profile photos are tailor made for clueless gold diggers or materialistic women, and by clueless I mean those that don't know that 80% of self made millionaires in America drive 10 year old cars, have smaller older homes, shop second hand, tend not to go out or travel much and actually don't have huge salaries(It makes sense when you think about it, some 40Somthing guy making 40 - 70K a year who has spent the last 20+ years living as if he only made 20k a year he is most likely going to be a millionaire) , while those who seem wealthy(nice high-end cars,big houses, exotic travels)
often have more credit than actual money.


Photos in bars = I have a social life and don't spend all my spare time at home in front of the TV or computer


Yep my biggest problem since being single again is that many people want a relationship but they want to still act like they are single.


You look for negative....you will find it.

And if you don't look for it, it slips past your mind and gets to your heart.
But I do look for the positive also, a few examples:
Workout photos(shows they may take care of themselves)
Hobby Photos(photos showing them doing things they enjoy that are similar to things I enjoy, not showing off type stuff)


You take the time to get to know someone - you might find love.

But did you not say in another thread "The smart thing to do.....resist the urge to spend every frikken waking second with a new partner...."? so which is it?

A dating profile is merely a tool for eliminating OBVIOUS incompatibility and determining the other persons motives for dating , But I do agree that spending alot of time together one on one getting to know each other is the only way to know if you are compatible in the small ways also, otherwise you run the risk of being one of those annoying couples who are always at each others throat one minute and humping like bunnies the next, or spending years on again off again(Usually those couples are compatible in some major ways and mutually attracted to each other but incompatible in much of the day to day stuff).
the best and fastest way to learn anything is via total immersion,
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
What are things you see in dating profiles that will make you sadly skip past them?
Posted: 12/5/2018 8:37:21 PM

Sure is a lot of assumptions going on based on some photos...

me thinks this on line dating thing has made people forget how to get to know someone with some good old fashioned conversation instead of judging in the one minute it takes to read a profile....


Through conversation getting to know someone or the things you NEED to know is very time consuming and rude to ask.

But because profile forms ask those questions for you, you don't end up offending someone trying to get a feel for them.

Also some BUZZ words in profiles let you know before hand who you are dealing with, once you have done this awhile you pick up on patterns. all their hobbies and interests are listed so you know what you have in common.
Examples:
guy posing in front of a high end car or truck(douche bag who thinks he can buy you).
every other photo in an exotic location(she reeeeeaaaaalllyy likes to travel and I can't afford that even dutch)
every other photo is in a bar downing shots? (unless he/she is a musician or a bartender or any other bar staff they aren't ready to settle down).
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/5/2018 8:14:33 PM

and that is why most relationships fail....
Reality is we are busy people...and keeping up with that every night schedule is impossible in the long run....

The smart thing to do.....resist the urge to spend every frikken waking second with a new partner....
if you allow yourselves some time to actually miss each other .... then your time together will be more special...
and you won't have false hopes of how a real relationship between adults with actual lives will really be


Wow I would say be who you are, if you enjoy each others company you don't get bored of each other or need "time to miss each other". frequency does not decrease specialness and absence does not make the heart grow fonder, it just creates depressed longing.

Some of my happiest relationship memories were of my youth when thats how relationships actually did work.
You met, had things in common decided you were an item spent most of your free time together.

I realize that it was easier to do in your late teens - early 20's, because odds are that social groups were more compact back then and odd's are most of her friends were also your friends or the girlfriends of your friends, and most people in your peer group had the same types of jobs and worked similar hours(usually driving pizza around all night or flipping burgers on the 2nd or 3rd shift because you are low on the totem pole) etc etc etc...
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Do you feel you have run out of fish in your area?
Posted: 12/5/2018 5:13:57 PM

3. Is faithful.
4. behaves in a faithful manner.
------------------------
Get a dog.


As far as I know that's illegal in 43 states. I have a dog and he sleeps in his own bed thank you very much.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
What are things you see in dating profiles that will make you sadly skip past them?
Posted: 12/5/2018 5:04:44 PM

1. Workout/Gym mania.
Interestingly, these people often won't mow their own lawn or do other forms of physical work except workout at the gym.

But it's good that they mention it in their profile instead of the generic "positive things only" profiles that attracts too many people they'll have trouble keeping up with.


Often because after an intense workout you are too drained to do much else, and those other examples of physical work don't have the same results as Gym work or 90% of suburban dads would look like John Cena instead of Kevin James.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/5/2018 3:31:40 PM
Hear me out, you know when you first get with someone you click with that feeling you get? The way you treat each other? The fact that you are always calling each other, texting each other spending most of your free time together, humping like bunnies every chance you get..

Part of this is because of a chemical****ail your brain produces early on in a relationship, the reason most relationships are GREAT in the beginning is because of this. There have been studies that someone in a new relationship and someone high on LSD brains are lit up in the same places, basically when you fall in love your brain produces its own psychotropic drugs, that's why nothing feels better than love and nothing feels worse than losing it.

Problem is these hormones start to wear off within a few weeks to a few months. But for me the honeymoon period does not wear off like that, a side effect of my ADHD, I tend to hyper-focus on things I enjoy and of the things I enjoy spending time with my girlfriend(when I have one) is at the very top of my list. So for me the behavior at the beginning of a relationship is not a temporary hormone induced rush, it's simply the way my brain works.
Most of my relationships start off GREAT, I'm on cloud 9 everything else no matter how bad does not seem so bad. and just when I am starting to think "finally I met the right one for me, this one is different" it happens, the newness wears off on her end, she starts to revert to her (before me) life and attempts to try to squeeze me into it without breaking anything. after she had gotten my used to the way she was in the first few weeks or months of us being together. in return I start to feel like she is not into me anymore, when I was younger I would try to pull her back and hold on tighter, these days once this happens I attempt to explain my feelings and if things dont get better(they rarely do) I just break it off before the heartbreak is even worse.

Sometimes this causes another set of problems. either the woman acts hurt and makes me the bad guy(even though it was her who pulled away in the first place) or she attempts to be the girl I started a relationship with in the first place but this usually only lasts a week or so, which is why I don't go back any longer. in fact I have 2 women from a year ago who every few months are trying to get me back and they dumped me for being up their a$$ when we were together.

So I imagine what things would be like if the honeymoon hormones were not a temporary thing in most people, what if the brains of most people kept on producing those happy chemicals as long as you were together and only wore off in cases of abuse, death or a long period apart? would relationships much better if that was the case?
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Do you feel you have run out of fish in your area?
Posted: 12/5/2018 2:34:34 PM

If you live in a relatively well-populated area and have been using these sites for a considerable amount of time and STILL can't find anyone compatible, most likely it's you.


I don't have much trouble finding compatible women, I do how ever find it hard to find women who are compatible who want more than "casual dating/nothing serious"(which seems to be all aspects of a relationship except for the exclusivity) or "just friends"


I'm pretty sure you have met at least one woman who would make a good girlfriend or maybe even wife but either you or her were curbed over some silly reason. Online dating is akin to a human vending machine...with the "there'll be someone better" mentality. The people I know who are successful in dating/relationships are a) open b) attractive (INSIDE as well as out) and c) have good pickers. They're also people who aren't solely dependent on dating sites.


The only reason I would curb a potential good match would be if she had children at home or had an excessively demanding career that meant I would not get to see her often(the only thing lonelier than not having a partner is HAVING a partner that is barely around) .


Many people who use dating sites/apps are not as open/accepting as they may think they are, or else there would be more first dates that lead to a second and beyond. Instead, they find any reason to curb the person and then go back to the drawing board, where they run into the issue that you, OP, have: It's the same ole faces over and over again! I'm not saying keep dating a person who was obviously disrespectful or dishonest from date #1 but if you don't want to be on dating sites for the rest of your life, then alter your approach & expectations.


I do think I'm open and excepting of a lot, I don't care about a woman's career, age, race, income what kind of neighborhood she lives in(just how far she lives from me), her education level etc etc... I'm not expecting a woman to look like someone shook a playboy and a centerfold fell out(though there must be some attraction).

All I really want is someone who has
1. a few similar likes and interests.
2. mutual attraction.
3. Is faithful.
4. behaves in a faithful manner.

Sadly dating sites are pretty much my only hope because the Problem is I don't like being around a lot of people, it's emotionally exhausting, infact romantic relationships are the only relationships I actually get enjoyment out of, yes I enjoy hanging with friends & family in small dosses but more than a few hours and I'm ready to go, where when in a relationship I can spend days or weeks in a house with a woman I care about and it never gets old.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
What are things you see in dating profiles that will make you sadly skip past them?
Posted: 12/5/2018 1:44:27 PM
Meaning say you come across a dating profile that draws you in, they seem to have many things in common with you, same likes, interests, political views, taste in music/movies, similar hobbies etc etc..

There photos seem up to date and you find them attractive etc etc
Every thing seems perfect until you run across one thing that ruins it in your eyes,
something mentioned in their about me: (usually mentioned somewhere towards the end).

Or something in their stats that is a deal breaker for you.

Or something in the settings of some or most of their photos gives you pause.

A few examples for me are:

1. if I see in there stats they are looking for "just friends" or "casual dating/just dating nothing serious/no commitment( different sites/apps word it differently)"

2. if I see in their stats they have a job/career that traditionally does not allow much time for a relationship, typically jobs that keep them away a lot where they either have to do a lot of traveling or just plain long hours. I prefer women who clock out after 8 hours so we can hang out more.

3. If I see in their stats they have young children at home.

4. If every other photo in their profile is them in a bar getting toasted(not the girl you take home to mom).

5. If every other photo is of here in front of a different exotic landmark(and the timestamps span only a few years most recent being a few months ago), I'm thinking this girl will have me broke or sitting home alone most of the time. (I've traveled a lot also but my timestamps would average 5 - 10 years apart as an adult. and since I was a military brat growing up most would be childhood photos lol).
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
When a couple feels bait & switched but really only one was.
Posted: 12/5/2018 1:08:14 PM
Went to a "singles relationship workshop" it was a self help deal for people who are having a hard time meeting the right people and so forth, I figured what the hell, maybe there would be women who were looking for something serious and have had bad luck like me,
it turned out to be a complete waste of time. When I walked in I was a bit happy and excited, the other guys there were exactly what you would think of for a crowd of unlucky in love guys, I know I'm not the best looking guy in town but if graded on a curve in that crowd I figured Maybe to-nite I'll do well, I was only one of 4 black guys there and I swear one looked like a real life version of "Cleveland" from that "Family Guy" cartoon. And I was getting alot of positive nonverbal ques early on, and even got approached and flirted with. but in conversation it turned out MOST of the ladies there had young kids at home or were workaholics or just sad such busy lives within minutes of conversation I realized they would not have time for a relationship. One lady seemed really great hit it off in convo instantly, her kids were grown and moved out, turns out we live damn near walking distance so we exchanged numbers talked about a time to meet up and hang out, turns out she would be back in town for 3 days a month from now.... turns out she drives a truck and is only home 1 - 2 weekends a month..... well so much for that .

But anyway the subject of this post is one lady that on her turn to speak said her main problem in dating is she keeps meeting guys who start out great and seem normal and a month or so in they become all needy & clingy like some sort of bait&switch... now when people started asking about the most recent time this happened to her trying to establish if there were any clues she should look for in the future it became clear that she starts off her relationships spending most of her free time with that guy then once she starts feeling comfortable she starts pulling back and doing her own thing and trying to fit him in to any blank spots in her schedule and she then gets surprised when some guy want's to monopolize all her free time WHEN SHE GOT HIM USED TO THAT IN THE BEGINNING!!!!!! A few of us pointed that out to her and she looked at us like we all just grew a penis on our foreheads. She then says "of course you spend most of your free time together at first, because you are getting to know each other, but then when you know your a match you get back to the things you have been neglecting, everyone knows that".

Well obviously not.... Basically she meets these guys she shows them a great relationship demo trial and the actual relationship turns out to be weaksauce in comparison But she feels she is the one who got bait&switched? basically he did not change the script SHE DID!!!

Do either of you find yourselves or have ever found yourself in that mess? I have many times, why don't people show their true selves in the beginning to save time?
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Do you feel you have run out of fish in your area?
Posted: 12/2/2018 7:41:03 PM

You said you'd have to seriously consider someone in their late 20's, then go on to say you go 15 years either way, then 20 years either way, and back to 15 years either way. 15 years younger than your 48 years is 33, 20 years younger is 28. Thus the chasing 20s and 30s. If you don't know what your doing how do you expect anyone else to? My point is be realistic. The number of 20 and 30 year olds that are interested in someone nearly 50 is a small fraction of the dating field. Most people (men and women) go 5 to 8 years on either side of their current age.


Actually I said I would have to think long and hard about dating early 20's. plus you seem to be focused on the younger end of my dating range, I'm not, as they are more likely to have younger children or to want children in the future, just said they arent ruled out. the most recent women I have dated in the last 3 years were in order, 56, 51, 34, 42, 53,36 and they were all my type and within my age range and did not look much different in age if you lined them up. hell there are women in their 60's I would have no problem dating I met one at the bus stop last year she was a 68 year old vegan yoga instructor and smoken hot, and brilliant we were talking politics, she was as far left as me(I actually thought she was mid to late 30's who just went prematurely grey) sadly it turned out she lived in Seattle and was just visiting her kids she added me on facebook and we critic each others art work, but that's as far as it went. .


If im not mistaken there is also a military base near/in fort worth, this means a constant influx of new people coming into your area. Your pond isn't growing smaller your pond is filled with little dams that you have built. Break the dams, get realistic, and try a new search.


Actually military bases only tend to be more of benefit to the local female population(the military is still predominantly male), there have been studies on how towns with bases tend to have out of wack male/female populations(tend to be male heavy).

In fact the only places in America where men actually have an advantage seem to be in those former factory towns where most men(competition) leave as soon as they finish highschool but not before they knock up their highschool sweetheart(trapping her there), Ironically those are the towns with the highest military recruitment rates lol(I have a cousin that used to be a recruiter). I have a body from school who has spent closed to 10 years in such an area, according to the census 70% of the male population is either under 19 or retirement age, where as the female population is about even across the board(with a slight bump at the over 60 mark. so the majority of the guys his age are married. I've only been there 3 times and it is surreal, go to a bar and it's the same as bars here but in reverse.... the women are the aggressors and approaches. And the funny thing is when he lived in Ft.Worth he wanted nothing more than to settle down with a loving woman, now he enjoys being single too much..... Basically he is acting like a typical hot chick now.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Do you feel you have run out of fish in your area?
Posted: 12/2/2018 9:35:12 AM

So you are basically 50 and looking for women 35 to 65? And by previous statements you respect yourself too much to be with someone that only wants a one night stand. So why are you chasing 20 and 30 year olds? What do you think you have in common with someone that is still in the party stage other than sex? What do you think they are thinking when they get a message from someone as old as their dad?


First off I'M NOT 50!!!!!! lol
and no I'm not chasing 20 - 30 year olds, in fact I tend to go 15 years either direction as a rule, in fact most of the women I've dated since my divorce have been slightly older(butt with young souls). But it usually is the younger ones wanting to settle down and the ones my age and older who have the "party until I lose my looks" attitude. especially the ones that kept themselves in shape or got themselves back into shape after their kids grew up and moved out.
I
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Do you feel you have run out of fish in your area?
Posted: 12/2/2018 1:08:56 AM

I don't know what is going on in Fort Worth but if you were here near Boston I would contact you. You have an awesome profile and pictures. Stop looking and continue to feel blessed with your life as it is. I believe in God's perfect timing the right person will give you the kind of companionship, kindness, tenderness and love you are searching for. Trust in this process of seeking and if you pray, then pray. Love your life and live a good life.... love will find you. Love yourself and you will attract love in others. The law of attraction. Good luck with your searching


Okay I don't hate myself because if I did I would be settling for all those flaky women who want "casual dating nothing serious" but I love myself too much to settle for anything less than being someones "one and only".

And I lost my religion years ago, it was a choice of either believing he does not exist or believing he does exist and that he hates me. as I don't ask for much out of life and the little I do ask goes un answered.
Matthew 7.7 was the biggest lie ever told.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Do you feel you have run out of fish in your area?
Posted: 12/1/2018 6:07:46 PM

Out of the people I know who are paired up, pretty much all of them met their beau-to-be in real life-through friends-of -friends, being co-workers, chance meeting in public, etc. I can't think of anyone I know who met their dream match on line. They might have tried on-line dating, but it's a crap shoot-trying to find the perfect one among total strangers, and eliminating people who might be a good match, without ever meeting.

People trying OLD expect a guarantee that whoever they meet will be their dream Prince Charming/Cinderella, and will live happily ever after like in the fairy tales. And if that doesn't happen immediately, people feel they have been cheated. After all, in the commercials and ads they see, everybody in them meets their fantasy dream match as soon as they sign up.

People who run dating sites are happy when people don't meet their dream guy/girl. They would be out of business if everybody was successful in meeting Mr./Miss Perfect Match right away. They rely on repeat and long term customers.

Which is why most of the women I would actually want to date were last online 3 months ago or on site that show the actual last log in sometime in 2012. Because most women worth dating who go online are snatched up quickly.



I think it is better if you become more social and go out and find a partner. Online dating is different from 10 years ago. Look at here, most of women are singles mothers with tons of problems with their ex husbands, bfs, child support cases, finances,etc.


Problem is I hate being around other guys and every place single meet in public turn out to be sausage parties.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Do you feel you have run out of fish in your area?
Posted: 12/1/2018 3:47:06 PM

Pickings are slim, and getting worse by the day.


Yep I often wonder who the hell put "Slim Pickinz" in charge of my love life? He sucks at his job, his twin brother "E.Z Pickinz" did a much better job of it back in the 90's.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Do you feel you have run out of fish in your area?
Posted: 12/1/2018 3:40:33 PM

I am remarried to someone I met in real life via my last job, but I did have many dates over quite a few years, many from online, as did some of my friends.

I found our experiences varied quite a bit due to many reasons. Some was looks, personality as well as behaviors online (aggressor, passive participant. etc. ) as well as behavior face to face after meeting.

So yes, success rates will vary just as much as our experiences do.

Switch it up a bit...

Thanx for the complement, and you are very attractive yourself, in fact I had to check out your profile to make sure you weren't someone I dated 3 years ago who has spent the better part of the last 2 years trying to get back with me(you 2 share a striking resemblance though she prolly weighs about 30 lbs more than you now though she was prolly 20 lbs lighter than you when we dated).
We had hit it off immediately problem was she did not want to be exclusive(until 5 or 6 months after we stopped seeing each other) now every few months she will blow up my phone And I still see her ad pop up on all the free dating sites also, infact I know I'll be getting a call when i start seeing her online. sadly stories like that are typical of my dating life these days.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Do you feel you have run out of fish in your area?
Posted: 12/1/2018 10:55:10 AM
Yep and unfortunately every time I lift my distance filter I get messaged by women who live waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy out in the sticks. read there profiles and they actually are looking for what I'm looking for, its depressing.

where as in my local area anytime I run across a profile where a woman seems compatible(same hobbies and interests), and I find them attractive I get down to what they seek and its always "just friends" or "casual dating nothing serious" so I ad to my filters only those seeking "long term" or "marriage" And then all I see is single mothers and or morbidly obese women and the few women I would find attractive haven't logged in since 2012 or something.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 44 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 9:09:57 AM

He's moving this weekend. I'm gonna say goodbye to him tonight. Yes, I have feelings but nothing will ever come of it. I'll probably be inwardly depressed and sad for a few weeks but not a soul will know it except for the people on this forum. I'm pretty good at hiding my emotions when I have to and I'll put on a happy face.

I knew the risk of fwb was that I would likely get hurt because I'd get attached. Now its happened and no use complaining. He was never my boyfriend, we never 3ver went out on a date, he has slept with other women these past 5 months so I'm obviously not important to him. I will miss him a lot. I am just grateful that a guy like him ever paid me so much attention. We will remain friends, we friended each other on Facebook so at least I'll get to know what happens to him in life rather than just never knowing.


I have always said that FWB is to females what The FriendZone is to men.
In both cases you are getting one aspect of a romantic relationship without the others, In the case of Friend-Zoning you are getting all the responsibilities of a romantic relationship without any of the benefits or exclusivity(She want to do everything with you that she would want to do with a boyfriend except have sex with you) and in the case of FWB you are getting the sex but not the commitment.

And in both cases it allows the one not interested in a relationship with you the freedom to seek out who they REALLY want. A guy views his FWB as backup(if he gets shot down by all the hot girls at the bar he can stop by your house/apt on the way home, A girl who has a guy or guys in the friendzone views them as backup also(just longer term), usually when a guy graduates from friendzone to boyfriend/husband it's usually 50-LBS and 2 kids(not his) later( some who don't believe in the friendzone would say thats not the friendzone it's just that when she gained the weight and had the kids they're simply in the same league now).
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Photos of ladies
Posted: 11/30/2018 10:21:34 PM

Nothing annoys me more than photos of ladies posing with their pets, as a man I’m not interested in their dogs , cats , whatever, im only interested in dating ladies, not animals, also why do some ladies only show their silhouettes, how do they expect to find a man who is interested in them if a photo is not shown, I want to know if I’m attracted to their face ,not a shadow


the silhouettes thing is often people who are in good physical shape but not very handsome/pretty in the face. they also tend to use full body but blurry photos, it's a way of showing off their positive physical assets while hiding their non-conventionally attractive traits.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Do you feel you have run out of fish in your area?
Posted: 11/30/2018 7:41:42 PM
I can understand that, in my area it seems any women that I would want a long term relationship with are having too much fun being single. often saying "I just got the kids out of the house, I just wanna have fun while i still can, but yes I want to settle down someday just not ready now" Translation they want to wait until the guys aren't beating a path to their door anymore lol, it's the downside of the fact that people keep their looks longer there days. I have noticed the most attractive women in my area are either in their early 20's or 40+ late 20's - mid 30's not so much, my guess is early 20's is simply youth and fast metabolism, many late 20's - mid to late 30's women let themselves go while they are raising their kiddos, and 40 plus it's the fact that many women once the kids have grown up and moved off finally have time for themselves and start hitting the gym and/or getting work done. all over town in front of stores and doctors offices are those free magazines full of local cosmetic surgeons that offer financing.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Do you feel you have run out of fish in your area?
Posted: 11/30/2018 6:42:32 PM
I'm not trying to be funny here but are you saying there are that few women 32 - 64 who are single, kept themselves in decent(not perfect) shape who's kids have grown up and moved out or never had kids, within a 20 minute to half an hour drive?
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Ex told me she's pregnant. I blocked her.
Posted: 11/30/2018 5:09:44 PM
Blocking is not going to be good enough, you need to change your number, if you can, change your address. and delete your profile. remove your whole social media footprint.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Do you feel you have run out of fish in your area?
Posted: 11/30/2018 4:14:55 PM
It seems no matter what app or dating site I use with little exception I'm seeing the same damn faces over and over, either people I've already dated, gone out with or messaged before and got a "thanks but no thanks" some of these women I saw their adds online consistently for years. POF and OKC seems to think they are possible matches because of shared interests And I would agree but sadly most of them did not.


As soon as I add my search filters BAM!!! the same 20-30 people pop up with maybe a 1 or 2 new ones every few months who moved here from somewhere else.



And its not like my search filters are all that strict I'm open to any race almost any age(15 years either direction but I list 20 just in case because I've seen much older women I find attractive and I would not rule out a woman in her early 20's though I would have to think hard on it.)


I pretty much only filter out women with kids(at home), obese and lives more than 15-20 miles(don't do long distance).
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Need input.
Posted: 1/1/2017 5:35:32 PM

Lord you have more review threads going that anyone else.
But
the new pictures are an improvement - but too many taken exact same time
Don't hold your breathe for a Halle type ( even Ollie couldn't keep her_)
You have spelling errors that are jarring
No idea what a stereotypical black male is...
so I guess you are well, stereotyping :/


well in my defense they are years apart, and no I am not holding my breath for the halle type, that was the point I was making lol.
I am attracted to many types, though Abby from NCIS seems to be the type I have been into the longest(since my teens).

stereotypical black male = loud, speaks ebonics, listens to hiphop etc etc
not all of us are like that but it seems many women are looking for that and seem disappointed when I don't live up to that when they meet me. But I did not grow up in the environment .
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Need input.
Posted: 1/1/2017 4:42:58 PM

I'm just gonna be blunt here. You're obviously looking for a caucasian girlfriend. Your chances of finding one are not that high, and don't be that black guy that settles with the morbidly obese caucasian woman. So I'd start with removing those "obvious" photos and give black women a chance. You'll have better success with them.


First off you are coming off as kinda racist, (not saying you are).
Second the majority of women I attract tend to be white, not always because of jungle fever but because most of the things I am into tend not to be popular among other blacks from my taste in music to most of my hobbies.
I don't know where you live but here interracial relationships are very common and it's not just the fat white girls,(that was like 20 years ago).
And there was a poll 4 years ago 82% of non black women were OPEN to dating black men, and that divorced white women were 3 times more likely to remarry a black male(still a low percentage but since black males only make up 12% of the male population it does not take a high percentage for there to be plenty). women have told me that it's because we tend to age better, there may be some truth to that at most Gyms I have been to there seems to be a higher percentage of black men than there are in the general population especially at my age(46).

I am open to all races and the only issue I run into with interracial dating is many who approach me are looking for the stereotypical black male and that is not me. my longest relationships were with women in which I was the first black man they ever dated. and my issue dating black women is that the few I do find attractive(halle berry type) tend to be attractive to everyone including white and hispanic guys so they tend to have a huge ego and only date guys with a lot of money.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Need input.
Posted: 12/31/2016 8:52:24 PM
I changed all my photos, tweeked my wording, removed the negative stuff.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Need input.
Posted: 12/31/2016 6:39:48 PM
I try to state what I seek while telling about myself and my good qualities. I changed my photos and added a few memes, basically to show what I view as important in a relationship. I try to state what I seek while telling about myself and my good qualities. I changed my photos and added a few memes, basically to show what I view as important in a relationship.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 51 (view)
 
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/27/2016 12:49:25 AM

I disagree with you in far too many ways to elucidate and that's only on such things as social history. Just because your best dating experiences occurred between 1986-1991 does not mean everyone's relationships are getting worse in tandem with your life. Shesh, such an egotist.


No not an egotist, I had nothing to do with how the dating landscape changed, the sheer number of people who have a hard time meeting or attracting others who otherwise had success in the past speaks for it's self.

Back in the day you would meet someone who was into the same stuff as you, you hit it off then were an item, you would hang out spend most of your free time together etc etc.....

Simple as it should be, now you most go through the trails of Olympus .... take part in complex mating rituals, spend days or weeks convincing her you aren't like the last 6 guys she dated.

Today things are harder than they should be.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 45 (view)
 
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/23/2016 10:46:32 AM

And relationships don't suck "today", the period or era that we're in has nothing to do with it. To quote someone else, relationships are successful when each partner is getting their needs met. The idea of perfect compatibility is not possible, otherwise you'd be with the opposite sex version of yourself. For me, that would be incredibly boring for one, and I know it wouldn't last long.


Not true, different times make different types of people in fashion so to speak.
My core personality is pretty much the same as it has always been, but my dating success has dropped dramatically.
Ask someone who dated during the "free love" 60's/70's what he/she thought of the post AIDS 90's/2000's.
Times change and not always for the better. The chubby women who complain that all guys want barbies would be shocked at all the attention they would have gotten in the 1800's.
The difference is we now live long enough to see ourselves go in or out of fashion.

My best dating experiences were between 1986 and 1991(was married in 1991), in the 16 years since my divorce I have been shown time and time again that relationships today are much different and not for the better.
Just hard hard coming to grips with the fact that I chose wrong at the time in which I could have found someone, and now that time has past. These times are not really conducive to REAL relationships.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 38 (view)
 
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/15/2016 2:48:33 PM
And thats part of the problem. the good ones get snatched off the market young.
They either stay married or they get ruined and thrown back into the dating pool.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Ok I tweeked my profile a little and no extra bites.
Posted: 8/14/2016 6:00:23 PM
I thought women liked a man tall dark and handsome?
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Ok I tweeked my profile a little and no extra bites.
Posted: 8/13/2016 6:43:12 PM
I had already switched photos and added an older one for the cute effect.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Ok I tweeked my profile a little and no extra bites.
Posted: 8/13/2016 6:20:40 PM
Ok I rewrote most of it. still got things I wanted to add.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Ok I tweeked my profile a little and no extra bites.
Posted: 8/13/2016 1:51:19 AM
I took out the rant on unfaithful women, and replaced many of the angry words replacing them with neutral ones in it's place.
But are you saying that most women my ages only want to share the smallest portion of their life with a romantic partner?
I don't understand the point, I have friends but I would not want to spend the same amount of rime hanging out with friends as I would with a romantic partner, I just don't get the same rush.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Ok I tweeked my profile a little and no extra bites.
Posted: 8/12/2016 6:19:01 PM
I reworded much of my profile so it would sound less negative, and the first to messages I got were wastes of time(not the single acting type). I even added a smiling photo, I took about 70 and that was the best one....
I'm still at a loss. Trying to keep the bad ones away and attract the good ones.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
 
I need help. not attracting what I'm looking for.
Posted: 8/9/2016 2:38:57 PM
she prolly sleepwalked through making her profile lol.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
I need help. not attracting what I'm looking for.
Posted: 8/9/2016 12:48:50 PM

Nice lady: I'm pretty sure I'd message you if I were a man. But then, I'm the office type :(

I think we need to hear from the bikers on this one.


Don't forget the tall black men.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
I need help. not attracting what I'm looking for.
Posted: 8/9/2016 12:45:21 PM

OP: What are your thoughts about your your profile pictures? They seems at odds with your profile narrative


I like the narrative in her profile also, no materialistic qualifications and such.
As for the photos you may either tone them down or if you must show that much skin use photos of you at the pool, that way there is a reason for the skin. as is now it just looks like you are showing off or offering something else as must guys don't actually read the profiles.

Oh and I understand why you posted those pic's, lost 170 pounds? Most big girls here lost that kind of weight they would flaunt it too. and you look amazing at 55.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 29 (view)
 
5 Hours until my birthday and I'm single and alone.
Posted: 8/9/2016 12:27:58 PM
So those aren't good traits?
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/7/2016 8:52:15 AM
The premise of the 80/20 rule is that you will never get more than 80% of what you want in a partner, the 80/20 rule is why many cheat and why many have a fear of commitment.

Examples:
"she is a great mother to my children,beautiful, keeps herself in shape and runs the household perfectly, but she only want's to have sex twice a week"

or

"he is a great guys, funny. charming, attractive, great lover, is faithful, hut he is broke, lives in a studio apartment and rides the bus to his dish washing job at Denny's"

In a perfect world the 20% you don't like consists of things like "she has bad morning breath because of her low carb diet that keeps her slim and toned" or "he keeps leaving the toilet seat up." you stuff that looks small in the bigger picture.

Now I had an ex once who said I was 90% the perfect boyfriend a few days before dumping me, the 10% she did not like was that she thought I lacked ambition(which I lived within my means never mooched off of her even when she offered and even took her out every 2 weeks). a year later she tried to come back for months blowing up my phone and sending emails each one a small novel.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Why do some exes reach out after some time has passed only to go cold again?
Posted: 8/6/2016 6:10:04 PM
I go through this all the time, what I don't understand is why is it always ex's who have dumped me.
Ex's I broke up with never come back, but most women I have dated always come back 3 - 4 months after dumping me, I say don't go back, what has happened is they thought they could find better but saw what was out there and ran back to you.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
5 Hours until my birthday and I'm single and alone.
Posted: 8/6/2016 5:56:16 PM

Also...change your first date..no one wants to netflix and chill with some huge scary dude. real women like to go out on an actual date, doesnt make them a gold digger or materialistic...in fact..just rewrite your whole entire profile...it will do wonders for you.


Well I changed it a few years ago, it used to say "Blockbuster night" so I thought i was keeping up with the times.
Besides it's the only way to get to know someone without the distraction of other people.

Well I did make this video profile. too bad pof does not have an option to add a vid to our profiles.
[url]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsSYmMG0Fr0[/url]
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
5 Hours until my birthday and I'm single and alone.
Posted: 8/6/2016 5:47:34 AM

You have much to be happy about- health, debt free, height(matters to some), can get dates, low stress life. Most people are struggling.


With the biggest piece of the puzzle missing.


Bingo. Being more moderate or flexible just might allow growth and development in your dating.


But I don't want to change who I am, I feel I am a good person, not driven by greed, or unbridled ambition(not caring who I hurt or step on to get to the top) I love strongly and deeply, all good traits that should be valued above all others.



What kind of love could a teen provide? Being a teen is to be without defined goals, responsibilities or identity. Things change.


And that lack of goals if why we love deeper and stronger in our teens, we are not driven by all that outside stuff when choosing a partner, we also don't have to deal with baggage from past relationships so we are working with a blank slate.


You view anybody going home, back to their life as abandoning you, treating you as a fwb. You cannot be Siamese twins right away, you need to be a lil tentative and not rush right in there, or you will have mini breakups and such a lot , which is emotionally draining.

It's not them going home, it's getting the smallest portion of their time. if someone hangs out with friends every day and I get maybe one day out of the week thats FWB. I know people have to work but that only requires 8 hours out of a 24 hour day. I miss those relationship of my youth where me and a girlfriend would share most of our free time together.
When I did work outside of the house during times I had a girlfriend I would be watching the clock, I would be out like a shot soon as the buzzer rang. if the boss came out asking who wanted overtime I would walk right past him, that would cut into time I actually enjoy. I just wish I could find someone who felt that way about me, instead of just weekend fatmeat.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
5 Hours until my birthday and I'm single and alone.
Posted: 8/5/2016 5:48:07 PM

It could be worse -- you could be 58.
You could have been fat in your late teens and never even had that chance at love.
You could have ended it the first time you woke up with that thought and have no chance for any future.
You could be unemployed/poor.
You could have a disability and have women visibly flinch when you get near them.


At least if it was one of those things there would be a clear understandable reason I could point to.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
5 Hours until my birthday and I'm single and alone.
Posted: 8/5/2016 5:38:02 PM
at midnight tonight I will be 46, I've tried everything, tortured my self at meetup's, have a profile of every dating site known to man, remodeled the inside of my house, bought new clothes, even tried prayer a couple of times, nothing works nothing short of changing who I am.
It sucks to be unwanted, I have not really felt like a woman truly loved me since I was in my late teens. Yes I can attract a woman no problem, but getting a satisfying relationship where I don't feel like she views it as FWB seems beyond me. Sometimes I wish I never knew what love felt like then I could be happy being a playa, but I have tasted that awful drug and crave it with a passion that would make a meth addict bow his head in shame. I really curse the moment I learned what love felt like because I always feel its absence when alone. I often wake up hoping I will finally have the courage to end this existence. well, there's always tomorrow.
 morta1ez
Joined: 9/3/2009
Msg: 46 (view)
 
matirialism in the dating world
Posted: 7/30/2016 7:37:51 AM

This is true.... a lot of men seem to be intimidated by successful women. I suppose it's because they think good income is something they bring to the table....... and when they can't do that because the woman makes more, they don't feel they have anything special to offer. It's a shame.

What they don't know is, they still have the most important thing to offer a woman in this day and age. What does the woman who has everything want? - love. Too bad most guys don't know this.

When I was dating, I dated many high-power women...... doctors, community leaders, and business owners. And I had them laughing with joy like little girls on the date. I'm just your average Joe, but I know a little about dating and relationships. Knowledge is powerful, it makes you confident.


I could care less if a woman makes more than me, the only way it would bother me is if she brought it up in a hurtful or snarky way.
 
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