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 Author Thread: Men with no friends
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Men with no friends
Posted: 1/19/2019 12:21:04 AM

Depends on why he has no friends, is he a creep or does he like solitude.


Exactly. There are many more variables than being told a person has no friends. If he just likes his solitude or lives far away from friends & family, that's fine. If he doesn't have friends because his personality, attitude & behavior are off-putting. why tf would I want to date him?
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Dating is all about race
Posted: 1/16/2019 12:33:06 PM

it depends on where you live (and long distance relationships can be another problem)..... I'm not in the majority where I live.


I'm sure you know most places in the US have no shortage of White people. OP does not live in a majority non-White city such as Camden, Newark, Honolulu, Detroit, Flint or Memphis. Living where he does (suburban town in PA) and then complaining about wanting to date women of another race, boo-hoo. He's making his own dating life harder (as do a lot of people who use OLD with their unrealistic expectations).
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 1/15/2019 7:21:56 PM
Ironically I met more relationship-minded men on kink sites. I've met 3 and though we had sex rather quickly, 2 of them asked me to be their girlfriend quickly too. I think it has something to do with most of the female profiles being fake and from what they told me, women flaked WAAAYYYY more on kink/sex sites than vanilla dating ones. The men on kink sites were much less afflicted w/ a "grass is greener" mentality than on vanilla ones.

From a superficial standpoint, most of the people in the BDSM community were not conventionally attractive. If you are decent-looking and you find another decent-looking person who shares your kinky proclivities, it's a lot less likely you're going to toss them back into the pond.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/15/2019 6:06:39 PM

So you're mad because you want to date a woman of another race, but they don't want to date you.


Lol, exactly. No one is entitled to attraction. Most people date & marry within their own race. If you're actively seeking out people of a different race, get used to rejection more. A lot of women will pick up on your thirst and won't want to be treated as a "flavor of the month" or as an addition to your ____ fever. If you don't do well with rejection, date people of your same or similar racial, religious & socioeconomic background. Stay in your own lane. Simple.

According to OP's profile, he is Caucasian. There is no shortage of white women on dating sites/apps. Date your own race but with your attitude, I doubt that alone would make you successful.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Swap numbers, then next day get a brush-off
Posted: 1/14/2019 12:36:22 AM

I'm going to lump it into the 'friendzoned' category but who really knows.


Not really. Neither you nor her are going to be "friends".....she's blowing you off. Don't get too emotionally wrapped up in strangers and nothing is real until after you actually meet.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 3 (view)
 
How much texting after a first meet is too much?
Posted: 1/13/2019 10:23:57 PM

What do you think? How much is too much?


He's coming on too eager and that's obviously turning you off. When I was dating I'd tell new guys, "I'm not big on texting and only use it to make or confirm plans."

"Too much" is a very individual preference and he's already crossed that boundary. Chronic texters are annoying. The first man I met after my engagement ended in June 2017 was like that, he'd just text benign random things, some of which didn't even warrant an answer. When I wouldn't reply, he'd take that as a sign to send more texts which included dumb questions such as, "How was your laundry?" (I told him earlier that I was doing laundry that day). Eventually I blocked him.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 1/13/2019 9:50:35 AM

EASIEST: You mingle with someone at events, bars, parties who do have some social ties to you, who you've seen from time to time, at least. Comfort-zone is naturally established, regardless of compatibility. Checklist mode & guard down. Most "natural".


That is the case with my current boyfriend and I. We met at work but most of our "mingling" was done in social settings outside of work with other co-workers present. I've always been a proponent of dating someone who is already in your circle.With someone you already know, there is more accountability because you know people they know & vice versa. That way, people are better behaved & not as likely to ghost or screw you over because you'll have to see that person again.

With online, the whole "if you don't behave like I want to you on the first few dates, I'll just go back online and continue my search" attitude is a huge turn-off & is akin to treating people like a human vending machine. People who are successful at relationships find reasons to make it work rather than finding reasons to cut people off and remain single.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 1/10/2019 12:48:55 PM

I've met loads of women my age who live with parents, have no car or job. Yet, If you do not have all three of those. Be prepared not to get a reply back. Double standards are insane.


If anyone, male or female, does not have a car or job they should not be trying to date.

RE: "double standards"...boo-hoo. Don't hate the player, hate the game. If men are still willing to date a woman with no job or car just because she's "hot", that's not on the woman, that's on the men who tolerate that foolishness.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Time wasters
Posted: 1/7/2019 11:31:39 AM
When I was using OLD, I didn't give out my phone number until we'd actually made plans to meet, not just because they asked for it. I didn't meet someone unless we'd chatted on the phone and I got a feel for their conversational skills, not just because they asked. From my experience, too many men wanted to meet way too quick based off a few pictures and messages. When I was using OLD, it was to date w/ the intention of being in a LTR so I was not going to meet every Tom, D*ck & Harry just because we liked each other's photos.

If ^^^ that made me a "time waster", so be it. It was also a waste of time (& gas) meeting people too quickly just to find out you want the date to end ASAP.

People who get a lot of hits on dating sites, typically attractive women, can afford to be pickier when it comes to real-life meetings and not just meet any and every person who messages them.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/7/2019 11:19:35 AM

Lol I've seen that one too! Twice! Another fun one is women that have boyfriends but are here to flirt and share photos to boost their ego lol.


Lol, seems like you sure do know how to pick 'em....but lemme guess, it's always "their fault" as to why you're not garnering the results you think you should when it comes to online dating. Chatting with guys pretending to be women & with women who have boyfriends or husbands at home....yeah, you have a great picker!

I can hold a conversation with someone I am jiving well with...that ole thing we call "chemistry". If it's someone I'm not that interested in or we have little to nothing in common, we're not going to gel as well. It doesn't mean neither I nor him "can't" hold a conversation. We just didn't hit it off. It's very rare to come across a stranger, whether online or off, with whom our conversations are free-flowing & effortless from the beginning.

Take some responsibility for your approach & choices instead of blaming half the population.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 60 (view)
 
Do you feel you have run out of fish in your area?
Posted: 1/3/2019 2:00:27 PM
^ it's more funny (but not really) if they're still actively trying to date with a profile & pictures that are years old. One of the things about OLD is the newer profiles get more views, date opportunities and if they're a good catch with the right attitude, they won't be on here long.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 1/1/2019 10:24:13 PM
No, it's not a turn off. I have my own place and my boyfriend lives with his family. It'd be more difficult to get busy if neither of us had our own places but it works. I don't see a need to move out unless you are married/partnered or have a very good-paying job where you'll be financially secure & well-off. I am the latter. My family lives 1,000 miles away but I initially moved here in 2015 (with my then-fiance) for a lucrative position.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Would ladies give a chance to an extremely shy guy?
Posted: 1/1/2019 9:53:21 PM

This is a common misconception. Particularly when talking about a woman. A woman enhancing and/or keeping up her looks benefits the man too - men appreciate an attractive partner.


Yes, thank you for being honest. I just have to scoff and roll my eyes when I hear men say stuff along the lines of, "I like when a woman looks beautiful right out of the shower", "....first thing in the morning." I've only known one...MAYBE two women in my lifetime who truly looked flawless when they woke up, naturally clear and even-toned skin, only needed to run a brush through her hair and it still looked great. Chances are, even the "natural beauties" did not wake up looking like that. The vast majority of us look better when we've put some effort into our appearance, as long as it's not obsessive or too time-consuming, which can fall under the umbrella of "high-maintenance".
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 1805 (view)
 
getting screwed on the first date
Posted: 1/1/2019 7:43:32 PM

I always go to dinner. You can always tell them you have to go and cut it short.


That is why I prefer NOT to do dinner on the first date. It's a lot more awkward to cut the date short if you're sitting across the table at a restaurant compared to a bar or coffee shop. When I was dating online, I'd have our first dates be on a weeknight so I couldn't be out too late because of work the night morning. Also, they'd be at a divebar or coffee shop. If we actually like each-other, then we could be out later on weekend night and have a date that's more engaging than having 1-2 beverages.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 78 (view)
 
Ladies. how many messages do you receive?
Posted: 1/1/2019 7:37:49 PM

There are people who say "You will meet The One when you least expect it." That could mean 10, 20, 30 years from now. Are there people in nursing homes who are their 80's and 90's, who are still waiting for The One to magically show up when they least expect it?


That's why trite cliches are not to be taken seriously. If someone is serious about meeting "The One", they need to work on themselves and, most importantly, fish in the right ponds. I tell my friends & acquaintances who express frustration about not meeting the right people..."Don't fish in a swamp expecting to find a good catch."
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Would ladies give a chance to an extremely shy guy?
Posted: 12/30/2018 11:22:06 AM

Way too much work.

Not into high maintenance.

Not my job to fix him.


Lol, this literally made me chuckle out loud. I'd give a chance to an "extremely shy guy" once I got to know him and he became more comfortable and talkative with me. At that point, he'd be more than just some super shy guy. but if you're very shy and trying to date online strangers who'll curb you for something as trivial as wearing shoes that don't match your outfit...um, good luck.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 52 (view)
 
*trigger* Have I broken it off too soon?
Posted: 12/28/2018 4:04:32 AM

Your post reeks of absolute desperation. Perhaps working on your self esteem issues would be more prudent than looking for some poor sap you don't give a flying **** about, to rope into a trainwreck of a marriage.


Of course you thinks it "reeks" of desperation. You conveniently left out significant other points of my post so you can feel justified judging from your supposed ivory tower.

My point is, and knowing you you'd try to chop this up so you can spew more bullshit at me: if you want to be in a relationship, behave in such a way that has a high chance of garnering you one and that includes recognizing a good catch and going for it instead of giving attention to nonviable people.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 31 (view)
 
*trigger* Have I broken it off too soon?
Posted: 12/26/2018 10:18:33 PM
It is/was self-sabotage to be crushing on or obsessed with the aforementioned types of men I mentioned in my previous post who I had NO CHANCE of being with at all and then rebuffing the guys I had more of a chance with. Those few viable men who liked me once upon a time are all married and/or engaged now. Maybe I could have been married or engaged too but I was too busy being hung-up on some gay guy, married man, dude who didn't know I existed, etc.....that's the self-sabotage my friend was referring to.

I've never been popular or well-liked by guys in real-life. For those who don't want to be single, it's best to take advantage of the few opportunities we have instead of having ridiculous expectations or wasting time pining after people who don't want us. That's one of the reasons I told my boyfriend that I liked him instead of waiting for him to maybe ask me out. Where we work it's 80% women and if I liked him, that probably meant others did too. A couple of girls at work told me they liked him too before we began dating. I decided to go after who I wanted instead of wondering 'what if?', pining after yet another soon-to-be-unavailable guy (b/c someone like him was probably not going to remain single) & being alone.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 27 (view)
 
if you play with it too much, you will break it off eventually
Posted: 12/26/2018 2:27:15 PM

If you convince yourself that nothing will come of it, nothing will happen.


Not necessarily. Not everyone you like is going to return the same feelings whether you convince yourself that they don't like you or do like you. Usually those with low self-esteem and self-worth will knowingly pine after people who they know they don't have a chance with because rejection is both familiar and comfortable, and they don't have to take a chance. Success scares a lot of people especially if they have a pattern that is the opposite of successful.

I relate too July. Pretty much 99% of the crushes I've had in my life were one-sided. They have been on guys who were not viable in one way or another. They either didn't like me, liked someone else, gay, married, emotionally unavailable, too young, too old, etc., etc. On the other hand, 99% of the viable guys who have liked me I didn't like back. My best friend called that "self-sabotage". She is right.

I do have a boyfriend now but I told him I liked him first and then we started dating. I have a feeling that if I never said anything and we continued as friendly co-workers, I'd still be single and he might be but he'd definitely find someone else before I did.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 174 (view)
 
#looksmatter.
Posted: 12/20/2018 7:39:50 PM
I hate ironing but I have fond memories of the practice since my father ironed his clothes every single morning while I was growing up and I'd watch him.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 13 (view)
 
How do you meet someone nice and genuine?
Posted: 12/20/2018 6:01:29 PM
Focus more on you. Meaning, what do YOU bring to the table that you deserve some honorable, nice & genuine man? Be the type of person you wish to attract. Also, good luck finding such a Prince Charming on a dating site. Most of the people on free sites especially are bottom of the barrel or aren't very serious about finding a relationship.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Reconnect w/ a date from many, many years ago
Posted: 12/19/2018 11:54:57 AM

You have to ask yourself, if it did not workout then, why would it work now?


Um....people change and evolve. Very few of us are the same people we were 10, 20, etc years ago.

Texas, I say go for it. However, be realistic and keep your expectations low. You mentioned in another thread that while you would like to be in a relationship but online dating does not work for you and real-life doesn't present too many viable options either.

If people don't want to remain single for the rest of their life, it'd be best to take a chance and step out of their comfort zone, even moreso if these kinds of opportunities DON'T present themselves too often.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 154 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/17/2018 4:24:30 PM

I'm someone who does better in a relationship. It brings out a better side of me. I am independent and have been since my divorce 4 years ago. I'm successful, pay my bills, buy whatever I want, and don't need to answer to anyone. None of that changes the fact that I do better in a relationship.


Interesting, and I think many can relate. Being in a relationship brings out the more caring & nurturing side of me. I am OK with being single but I, too, do better in a relationship. I'm not as likely to behave recklessly or engage in self-destructive behavior if I know I have someone at home waiting for me. I've heard similar things from men too. When they were single, they were a bit more careless and wild but for the right woman, they reigned a lot of those behaviors in and calmed the hell down. Meeting the right person can help do that to you.

Also, being chronically single for years can erode a person's ability to compromise and be more considerate. I don't think it's intentional but when you have no one to focus on except yourself for years on end, it's a lot easier to become self-absorbed, stuck in your ways and selfish.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 46 (view)
 
i'm bacon for it
Posted: 12/17/2018 10:41:03 AM
Being open-minded with food is a plus to me. That's one of the reasons I like Asian guys because they're more experimental and open-minded when it comes to different dishes. One of my exes who was born & raised near Guam but had spent a significant portion of his childhood in Hong Kong & Japan actually cooked me eel one evening. He also worked as a assistant sushi chef and could cook sushi rolls too, it was very cool. We went to a bunch of authentic Asian hole-in-the-wall restaurants, not Panda Express BS. I am half-Vietnamese and grew up around my Vietnamese side of the family in L.A., Orange County & San Diego (very multicultural parts of the country) so I'm accustomed to different dishes, flavors, spices, etc. Growing up, most of my friends were either Asian or Latino and I'd go their homes and eat home-cooked meals...much better than you can find in any restaurant. People who are not as cultured when it comes to food or actually think Taco Bell is Mexican cuisine are a turn-off.

I remember a few years back I went on a date with a White guy and we went to sushi. He a) didn't know how to use chopsticks and b) insisted on using his bare hands to eat our sushi rolls. We had 3 on the table. I was put-off. Suffice to say, we didn't date much after that.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 54 (view)
 
Do you feel you have run out of fish in your area?
Posted: 12/17/2018 10:25:46 AM

I pretty much only filter out women with kids(at home), obese and lives more than 15-20 miles(don't do long distance).


Being too picky & not as open as he claims to be comes to mind. Everyone is entitled to their preferences but don't complain when those preferences don't garner you favorable results. Most women around his age are going to be have children still living in the home. Just because her children may be 18+ does not mean they've left the nest, especially in present society.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 19 (view)
 
blocked
Posted: 12/17/2018 10:18:10 AM
Your profile & pictures need work. Maybe that's a reason why 1/3 of the women you contact are blocking you. If you have a female friend, it'd be a good idea to have her take flattering photos of you and help rewrite your profile.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Dismissed Without Warning
Posted: 12/17/2018 10:16:01 AM
Have you ever met this person face to face? If not, how do you know if this person you were communicating with was even who he claimed to be?

Nothing is real until after you meet. Until then, you two are nothing but font & pixels to each-other. Try not to get emotionally invested in strangers.
 Siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 41 (view)
 
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/15/2018 10:46:34 PM
^^^ yes. Not only will you see her body-type upfront, You’ll also get a glimpse of her attitude, personality and behavior, which can make her more or less attractive independent of how she actually looks. People who are too hellbent on using online dating as the only way to meet someone aide in their own frustration.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 30 (view)
 
POF was NOT a hookup site 13 years ago...now IT IS...
Posted: 12/15/2018 12:10:05 PM

I think a major part of the problem is that as we get older, the pickings get slimmer. Many of the good ones are already taken so are not on OLD.


For real. The prime "dating & mating" ages for both sexes are between 20-30. After that, it slows down considerably as far as chances to meet that special someone, even moreso for women.

& the good ones who aren't taken probably don't WANT to be in a relationship. Reminds me of a co-worker who is quite deluded. She is 35, super short (4'8"), chunky and not very pretty. Anyway, she is pining after this guy who is 36, owns his own construction business, never married, no kids, 6'3", has a nice car and is physically attractive (she showed me his social media accounts). I let her fawn over him to me but thought...."in what world do you think a guy like that is really going to be interested in you?"
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Ladies. how many messages do you receive?
Posted: 12/13/2018 11:01:07 AM

I find that when some men moan about not getting the messages they think they should, they often forget to include the messages from people they don't desire from their presentation.


Isn't that most people though? We tend to discount the attention we receive from people we're not interested in. I remember several years ago I was at a bar with my male friend and said something along the lines of, "I don't remember the last time a guy bought me a drink." He looked at me stone-faced and replied, "I just did."
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/7/2018 3:24:22 PM

So I never had a guy that was truly the other kind of 3 F's. Find them, F8ck them and Forget them. I always had them come back for more. Not bragging, just a fact.


Same here. Most guys in my experience, especially if they were only having sex with me, wanted to have more sex. I could see a guy doing a smash & dash if:

a) he's a real ***hole
b) the sex was just TERRIBLE and he has no desire to redo
c) he's already getting consistent sex from someone else
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/6/2018 2:16:03 PM
Men are more used to rejection so they tend to take it a lot better. Like MsMicki said, women have been conditioned to believe that men are sex-crazed maniacs so if he rejects her, she's more likely to take it more personally.


I find that men don’t usually refuse sex if offered regardless of their interest (or lack thereof) in the woman.


Agreed. Even if their interest is lukewarm, they may sleep with her once or twice but it won't mean anything else. Those guys might hit the woman up months down the line when they're bored, horny and no one else is available. That's hardly flattering.


So it is not a good idea to turn a woman down for sex, if she offers, if a guy wants to maintain the relationship?


No, it is not a good idea. Btw, it takes two to maintain a relationship. A relationship without sex is like having a car without a steering wheel. You won't get very far. I can understand if the couple has been together a LONG time and health problems, an accident, intense weight gain, etc. befalls one of the people in the partnership. At that point they've already had a lot invested in the relationship but for a new-ish couple where both parties are in good health, a sexless relationship is much like a death sentence.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Do you feel you have run out of fish in your area?
Posted: 12/5/2018 11:34:21 PM

Get a dog.


I know you're joking (hopefully) but animals are no substitute for human connection and interaction. It's very thoughtless when people suggest "oh just get a pet" or "just go masturbate" as solutions for loneliness. The vast majority of us crave & thrive off human closeness & companionship. A few months ago I was lamenting to my mom about how lonely I was here (all my friends & family live 1,000 miles away) and she suggested I get a dog. She meant well but I don't place pets at the same level in my life as friends, or vice versa.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Do you feel you have run out of fish in your area?
Posted: 12/5/2018 12:33:15 PM

It seems no matter what app or dating site I use with little exception I'm seeing the same damn faces over and over, either people I've already dated, gone out with or messaged before and got a "thanks but no thanks" some of these women I saw their adds online consistently for years. POF and OKC seems to think they are possible matches because of shared interests And I would agree but sadly most of them did not.


If you live in a relatively well-populated area and have been using these sites for a considerable amount of time and STILL can't find anyone compatible, most likely it's you.

I'm pretty sure you have met at least one woman who would make a good girlfriend or maybe even wife but either you or her were curbed over some silly reason. Online dating is akin to a human vending machine...with the "there'll be someone better" mentality. The people I know who are successful in dating/relationships are a) open b) attractive (INSIDE as well as out) and c) have good pickers. They're also people who aren't solely dependent on dating sites.

Many people who use dating sites/apps are not as open/accepting as they may think they are, or else there would be more first dates that lead to a second and beyond. Instead, they find any reason to curb the person and then go back to the drawing board, where they run into the issue that you, OP, have: It's the same ole faces over and over again! I'm not saying keep dating a person who was obviously disrespectful or dishonest from date #1 but if you don't want to be on dating sites for the rest of your life, then alter your approach & expectations.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 98 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/5/2018 12:17:05 PM

Psychologically, however, we do "need" to feel wanted and desired. and we seek pleasure.


Agreed, humans seek validation & acceptance from other humans, some more than others. The ways in which we seek the aforementioned may or may not be healthy. People who are on a dating site nonetheless are going to hard-pressed to convince me or anyone else that they absolutely have no desire or concern for human companionship. Even for the folks who are here for forum usage only, such as myself, that's NOT the reason why any of us joined POF in the first place.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Can’t get this girl off of my mind
Posted: 11/28/2018 12:14:44 PM

Sometimes people do come around to appreciate someone they took for granted before. Sometimes it takes a relationship or a few relationships with someone awful before you realize the earlier person was actually quite a catch.


Sure, but that hardly applies in this case. He's never met this girl. Sounds desperate and like he has no other options, which can be insulting if you're on the receiving end of such behavior.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 450 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/28/2018 12:33:24 AM

If I don't like "who" a man is to start with....I'm not going to get into a relationship with him.
Why would anyong become involved with someone that needs "fixed" into being their perfect partner???
Men aren't puppies to be trained to act a certain way!


Exactly. Falling for someone's "potential" will usually end in disappointment. If you cannot accept a person for who they are at the time you chose to be with them, you shouldn't proceed any further. They might live up to the potential you've built for them in your own head, but they might not.


Ms.Micki not everyone chooses to be harsh due to other influences which can affect their behavior.


Boo-hoo. You've been unnecessarily nasty & judgmental to numerous posters on here, myself included. Everyone on here has issues, we choose how to navigate them. By spreading vitriol, you've painted yourself in a smaller corner than you were in beforehand. Don't be surprised if those around you choose not to be empathetic.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 53 (view)
 
Time wasters
Posted: 11/26/2018 11:33:57 AM

Social people do not need online dating.


There is a degree of truth in this but I'd also like to add attractive (both inside AND out), well-adjusted, personable (which ties into your "social"), easy to talk to/easy to get along with and, most importantly, OPEN to finding that special someone. The vast majority of people who use these sites are not as open as they may claim to be. Otherwise, there'd be more first dates that actually lead to a second and so on.

Granted, I've known plenty of people who fit the aforementioned traits who were/are still on dating sites but the majority actually met their match in real-life. Imagine that!
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 426 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/26/2018 11:20:03 AM
It's easy to never get hurt if you're perpetually single and not putting yourself out there. Part of putting one's self out there to find love and companionship is the risk of getting hurt. However, barring getting chopped up in a million pieces, some adversities can build strength, compassion and character. I'd just hope they learn from their mistakes.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Fun things to do on first major holiday break with boyfriend?
Posted: 11/24/2018 10:11:21 AM
^ agreed. There's no good reason to move out just because you're of a certain age. It's easier to get ahead, instead of just getting by, by pooling resources with family rather than just moving out & struggling. In areas where the cost of living is very high, it's better to have multiple incomes streaming throughout the home.

I didn't move out until I was 28 and it was for a good-paying, out-of-state job making $60K per year. Until then, it was my mom, aunt, cousin & myself living in one home. My then-boyfriend and I moved up here from Southern California together where he worked for the Dept. of Corrections so we both had good income. I'm in the process of getting pre-approved for a home loan and already have about $20K saved up for a down payment. I couldn't have done that if I had just moved out after I graduated college (at 22), working noble-yet-low-paying jobs in the non-profit sector, just because that's what you're "supposed" to do. What is "practical" about that?
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 16 (view)
 
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 11/22/2018 1:23:30 PM

And you, siisaa, know that quite well. I’m not really sure why you posted the above?


The same reason why anyone would share their viewpoints and experience in here, that's what the forum is largely based on. A lot of poon-hounds don't like it when a woman exercises some self-restraint and discrimination because they see women as just a hot wet hole. Those are exactly the types of men that should be weeded out, thank you very much.

My number is quite high for someone my age and the vast majority of those men didn't mean anything (and vice versa). When I was engaging in flings, I had intense self-loathing, low self-esteem and no self-respect, which is why I was acting the way I was. I'm the kind of person who learns from my mistakes and hook-ups did nothing to improve the self-loathing. In fact, it make it worse.

If I could go back in time and "un****" people, I'd get rid of about 13 of them, which would leave my number at less than 4.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Plenty of Pervs
Posted: 11/21/2018 7:41:53 PM

Bring on the hot chicks!!.


LOL....I can see them just clawing & clamoring for your attention.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 2740 (view)
 
Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 11/21/2018 1:17:20 PM
I have met a guy with no picture at all. It was the very definition of "blind date". He was decent-looking enough but lame in other ways. I never wanted to see him again. He made a comment that I should try to hit on the waiter & wanted to thumb-wrestle at the table while we waited for our meal. I was 25...26 at the time?? & he was around the same age. I stopped thumb-wrestling in elementary school.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Can’t get this girl off of my mind
Posted: 11/21/2018 12:15:38 AM
Hmmmm....interesting. Go for it but keep your expectations low. If someone I never met or only met once popped up out of the blue a year later, I'd think they were a bit desperate.



If she doesn't agree to it, she's hiding something


Or maybe she's just not overly interested. If someone you've never met doesn't talk to you for over a year, they're obviously not that interested either & you don't owe them anything. Has little to do with "hiding" anything.
 Siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Fun things to do on first major holiday break with boyfriend?
Posted: 11/20/2018 9:33:31 PM
I agree ^^^ unless the environment is absolutely toxic, I don’t see a need for young people especially to leave home. It’s better to have multiple streams of income throughout the house instead of struggling financially just for “freedom”. I work in the medical field and see so many of my peers who are around my age who make decent money but their paycheck practically all goes to rent when their family lives locally! Unbelievable. The cost of living here is super high so in places like here and others like it, it’d be best for people to shack up with family until they’re established, financially stable and married or partnered to someone who is equally financially stable & established. If that is not a option, at least live with family.... beats living alone and having to pay for everything by yourself or trying to find roommates, who are strangers most of the time.
 Siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 373 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/20/2018 5:07:15 PM
Probably that she’s not going to be as easy of a lay as he might hope
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Be honest, how long did you know the last person you had sex with?
Posted: 11/20/2018 1:18:16 PM

Not to be an old foggie... but you really should trust the person before you get to the sex.


There is a level of trust I must have with a person before laying down with them. As we date & get to know each-other more, it may grow or dwindle based on their behavior. I am experimental and kinky with sex & no, we will not be engaging in sensation play, food-play, biting, choking, anal, role-play, etc the first few times we have sex. I wouldn't ask someone to do any of those things the first time either, you run the risk of scaring them off or intimidating them, especially if they don't have a lot of experience OR if they've been in a long dry-spell. That degree of kinky & sexual experimentation comes later after we've established more trust & comfort with each-other, which is what I meant by sex getting better with time.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Fun things to do on first major holiday break with boyfriend?
Posted: 11/20/2018 12:49:03 PM


some people complain about their problems, but its always smart to remember...if they really weren't getting something they wanted out of it, they wouldn't bother suffering in the first place. and there's another poster with a long thread about their love life i'm thinking of :)


True, if it was all that bad she claimed, she wouldn't choose to stay there. people like attention (even if it's not positive) and may embellish/exaggerate the details to make their threads get more views & posts.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 9 (view)
 
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 11/20/2018 11:41:44 AM
I'd rather forgo sex altogether than have a string of casual flings. If I am single and not dating anyone, there is no reason for me to have sex. With my current boyfriend, I was celibate for a year before we had sex and not because I couldn't get it....I didn't want it unless it was a person who I saw long-term potential with & vice versa. I had plenty of offers in that year-long drought but they were guys I had no future with. Although I was attracted to a few of them, I could tell by their behavior towards me they wouldn't have been anything more than a fling.
 siisaa
Joined: 8/6/2017
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Be honest, how long did you know the last person you had sex with?
Posted: 11/20/2018 11:28:18 AM
I met him in June at work, we talked one on one and hung out in several group outings for co-workers' retirement parties, birthday parties, etc over the summer. Decided to date in mid-September. Had sex a couple of weeks after we started dating. We decided to book an impromptu weekend trip to Yellowstone with a cabin & that's where we first had sex. It was my first time in a year and his as well. He and his long-time girlfriend of 9 years had broken up a year prior and he had not been intimate with anyone else. In that regard, I wasn't as nervous about being out-of-practice and neither was he. We were both nervous despite having some wine beforehand, lol. He joked, "Well, I have more to worry about than you." It wasn't the best sex because we were both nervous and worried about our rusty performances (especially him) but after getting more practice in, our sex has improved tremendously.

I had sex with him because I like him, am attracted to him and we were dating.


What made the sex not great on the first time?
you said nerves, how does that affect it?


First-time sex with a new person is hardly ever the best time. It gets better as you have sex with that person more, get the know what they like, become more comfortable, trusting and vice versa.
 
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