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 Author Thread: Is it Cheating if your GF messages other guys on a Dating Site?
 triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Is it Cheating if your GF messages other guys on a Dating Site?
Posted: 8/11/2014 12:27:38 PM
I've been through this before and learned a few things. Here are my conclusions.

1) I was involved in a long distance relationship with a woman I met on a dating site. She never removed her profiles. I decided not to insist on it. Instead, I was able to monitor her use by using the search feature. On POF use the basic search function, keep the parameters within a six year age bracket and 25 miles from her zip and you can see how often a person is logging in because with every login that person's profile goes to the top of the page. One or two logins a day for a woman really isn't a big deal. She is probably doing the same thing -- checking up on her boyfriend -- or deleting the ten or more messages a woman typically gets in a day. (Women get inundated with messages while the only way most men get a message is if they initiate contact.) However, at one point she started logging in several times a day which meant she was talking with someone here. Then she put up a couple of more recent pics. At that point I braced myself for the break-up which came about five days later. What happened? For the most part she was happy with the relationship but when things were no longer working for her she went back to the dating sites and broke up with me as soon as she made a date. I was hurt but it was nothing that took me by surprise and I was glad that just a little bit of cyber snooping allowed me to be emotionally prepared for the whammy. This is why I do not insist on women removing their profiles.

2) There are many free sites out there that sell the profiles to other brand new dating sites. When you join some of these sites you actually agree to this when you check the box that you never really read. My gf joined a site several years ago and if I googled her user name it would show up on a brand new site. She did not join any of these sites and had no idea she was on so many sites. Not her fault.

3) These sites are addicting. People in exclusive relationships still like to browse late at night. Many women enjoy the attention they receive even if they have no plans (at this point in time) of stepping out. Yes, this is a dangerous situation but the men are no better. Also, exes from ten years ago and college sweethearts are only a mouse click away on Facebook. If you are looking for evidence of cheating you are going to find it. However, just because you found some online evidence that could indicate cheating -- logging onto a dating site, an old boyfriend liking a pic on Facebook -- does not mean that the person is cheating. In order to keep your sanity you have to realize that the internet is not real life. My old gf liked to put up pics of herself and have guys look at them and compliment her. At first it bothered me but after a while I realized that 1) it doesn't matter where she gets her appetite as long as she eats at home and 2) despite enjoying that sort of attention from strangers she really wasn't capable of being involved with more than one person at a time and her history is that if she makes a date with someone else she would break up with the current boyfriend a few days before that date commenced. For my own sanity I had to tell myself "welcome to the 21st century" and the reality is that the behavior is no different than a woman who might harmlessly flirt with co-workers while remaining faithful. Maybe not the best situation for a guy but it really meant nothing.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Religion and sex....
Posted: 8/27/2012 11:27:27 AM
I have a seminary degree. There is no consistent doctrine of marriage in the New Testament. Some of the writers in the early church were against marriage. The reason had little to do with sex or morality. They believed that the second coming of Christ was imminent and with world history at that place it was far more prudent to stay single than to marry and have children. It was only later, when it was apparent that the second coming was delayed, that the church developed a doctrine of marriage. This had as much to do with Christianity becoming a religion. The marriage ceremony is something common to most religions in the world. To say that any Christian doctrine of marriage is derived solely from The Bible is fallacious.

One example of The Bible having varying definitions of marriage is how it deals with the practice of polygamy. In the Old Testament a man could have as many wives as he could afford. By the time the first century CE came around polygamy existed but it was no longer the norm. The New Testament writers and the early church had an uneasy relationship with the practice. In the end they decided that a polygamist could be a Christian but was not qualified to be a priest.

Any person should consult their own religious leader concerning sex and marriage. Every Christian sect or denomination has its own understanding and standards. In some, divorced people are forbidden from remarrying. In others they can.
 triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Advice on talking about exclusivity
Posted: 8/17/2012 12:11:52 PM
Two things. First, the Facebook issue. That site is notorious for adding people to certain apps they had no intention of using. Three years ago I put a dating profile on a site called Zoosk. A couple of months ago they added an app for Facebook and every person who ever put a profile on Zoosk had an alert put on their Facebook page. I had forgotten about that site; I think I went on two dates when I joined. A woman who is a friend from high school was also added to the app. I laughed about that, sent her a message saying I forgot I even had a profile on Zoosk. Then, it showed up on my timeline that the two of us "shared a romantic moment on Zoosk." So, you cannot be sure your bf is trolling dating sites just because something pops up on his FB page. There are other ways to monitor that activity

Second, having the exclusivity talk is necessary. You cannot assume you are exclusive just because you would like to be. You need to have the talk and both agree to what the parameters of the relationship are.
 triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Are they really this active?
Posted: 8/17/2012 10:19:57 AM
Just go to a tirathelon or a 5k run on a Saturday morning and you will be surprised at the number of men and women over fifty who are participating. My parents took bicycle tours until they were well into their seventies. With the number of baby boomers reaching their sixties, tour companies for activities like hiking, bicycling, mountain climbing, white water rafting that target people of retirement age is a growing industry.

I have had health problems and as a consequence am not as active as I used to be.
 triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 1402 (view)
 
older women younger men
Posted: 8/17/2012 10:03:46 AM
I started dating women a decade or more older than me when I was in my twenties. Married a woman closer to my age, had kids. Shortly after the divorce I went back to older women and am happier that way.

My theory is that men when they are younger buy into the "experienced" thing and have a fling or two with someone older. Usually it is a guy in his early twenties who meets a thirty something at work or in college. Most go back to women their own age. But for a percentage of these guys older women will become their preference. It has little to do with sex. I mean, sex is sex and the age does not necessarily equate with experience or expertise in that area. Instead, it comes down to who you are comfortable spending time with and who you tend to fall in love with. I am much more open and real with a woman older than me. I am less trusting with someone closer to my age and reveal less about myself.

The older women/younger men phenomenon is more out in the open these days with dating sites (easier to approach a woman and gauge her interest) and the media hyping it. But it has been around for decades if not centuries. It went on right underneath your noses; the professor and her teaching assistant, the woman and her younger co-worker, the guy who spends a little bit too much time at his upstairs neighbor's apartment. They were all getting it on.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 121 (view)
 
How to cure my bad boy addiction?
Posted: 8/17/2012 9:36:52 AM
You don't necessarily need to cure it. Just find a guy who has the bad boy look but is actually a responsible person. The guy who owns a motorcycle custom shop, goes to work everyday, may have partied a whole lot when he was younger but no longer wants to deal with the hangovers.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Where have the older men gone?
Posted: 8/7/2012 8:52:36 AM
There are more men and women between the ages of 35 and 50 on this site than between the ages of 58 and 70. You could either go out with the younger guys or wait for the message from your perfect man to arrive in your inbox. Why wouldn't you go with the 50 year old?
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
why is it so one sided ?
Posted: 8/6/2012 4:58:58 PM
Your phone goes dead for one night and this guy freaks out?

Loser. Dump him now. Thank your lucky stars you didn't marry him or anything. These are the type of guys who abuse women.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Ever had someone of the same gender come onto you?
Posted: 8/6/2012 4:40:42 PM
It happened fairly often when I was in my twenties. Now? Never. I think gay men have a more developed "gaydar" when they get older. Or maybe I haven't aged as well as I think.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
how much do you tell a guy
Posted: 8/6/2012 1:00:51 PM
It all depends on how long you have been dating, what your relationship goals are and whether or not the two of you decide to be exclusive. If it is a casual dating relationship then, no, you should not feel pressured to tell your life story. The two of you are just sharing some fun times together with no goals other than a good time with good company. But if you are exclusive and serious then you do have to disclose more like your first kiss, how many times you've been in love, serious health or financial issues, etc...
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Addicted to Conterfeit Love
Posted: 7/28/2012 9:10:13 PM
Generally, people who have a pattern of getting into destructive relationships are recreating the emotional environment of the home they grew up in. It is familiar. The way out is to work on yourself and your family of origin issues. There are any number of effective ways to do this -- therapy, support groups -- but no shortcuts. It takes work and the revelations are sometimes painful.
 triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 35 (view)
 
All these younger men...
Posted: 7/24/2012 7:47:45 PM
I guess I am in the minority here. Since my divorce I've had several relationships with women ten to fifteen years older than me. They were good relationships all around.

There are a few myths that need to be dispelled.

1) Mommy issues -- the women I date are nothing like my own mother and are closer to my own age than my parents. They aren't old enough to be my mother unless mom started having kids at the age of 13. They are old enough to have been the babysitter or the high school English teacher I had a crush on.

2) The Cougar -- This is Hollywood generated hype and is nothing like the typical age gap relationship. The "randy" cougar and Mrs. Robinson are fantasies. The reality is that the younger man is the one who pursues the woman. He makes the date and picks up the tab. The dates are no different than those couples of the same age have. Either there is chemistry or there isn't. A ten or fifteen year age gap will not make up for the lack of chemistry. You may be fifteen years younger but if the woman ain't feeling it you won't be getting more than a friendly peck on the cheek at the end of the night.

3) The Sugar Mommy -- Ah, yes. The myth of the wealthy widow or divorcee who spends lavishly on her much younger lover. The reality is that most couples are of the same socio-economic and educational background. This is true of older women who are in relationships with younger men. The wealthy widow is more likely to be involved with a younger guy with a trust fund whom she met at the country club than with the pool boy. The pool boy is more likely to be in a relationship with the waitress than one of the club members. A fifteen year age gap does not change this reality. In a high percentage of age gap relationships the couple meets at work.

4) The sexually experienced older woman -- Most twenty something guys fall for this myth. Reality? A recently divorced 45 year old who married her high school sweetheart may have far less experience than the thirty year old guy asking her out. She may have only been with one man while the guy spent his twenties "sowing his wild oats " so to speak. Age does not necessarily equate with sexual experience.

There is a reason why women on dating sites are hit on by younger guys. It is a whole lot less awkward to try and gauge a woman's interest by sending a message than it is by hitting on a woman fifteen years older in a grocery store. My experience on this site is that one out of three women are interested in dating a guy who is a decade or more younger.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Hi
Posted: 7/17/2012 9:18:49 AM
You are getting lots of views because you are using the handle MagicMike. However, it is a silly handle and they are not taking you seriously. Start all over again with a new user name that does not reference that male stripper movie or the book 50 Shades of Grey.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Sex after monogamy?
Posted: 7/15/2012 9:19:29 PM
A wide variety of views and perspectives on this. The important thing is to find someone on the same page as you. Don't compromise your integrity for the sake of a relationship.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 103 (view)
 
most Underated band?
Posted: 7/12/2012 2:08:24 PM

I agree 60's Paul Revere and the Raiders had more then a few songs that should have competed with the Beatles.
80's Gun Club is a good choice, but since Pierce went solo right away I can understand people losing site of them for not being around long enough. I saw his solo act at a small after hours club in Philly, a gig that was unannounced and unexpected but it still was extremely disappointing. It was at the time he really let himself go and wasn't the same as with the band.

Jeffrey Lee Pierce had two periods where he went solo. The first was the Wildweed album and tour he did in 1985 after Kid Congo left The Gun Club to work with Nick Cave. My band had the opening slot for a couple of shows on that tour. (I had to go awol from the Army band at Ft. Dix to play those shows and didn't get caught.) That band had Romi Mori on guitar and the drummer who was with JLP when The Gun Club reformed in '88 for the Mother Juno album. They broke up again in the 90's and Pierce did a solo album before he died. At this time he had gone back to drugs.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 102 (view)
 
most Underated band?
Posted: 7/12/2012 1:58:56 PM

I don't know if I would say D*ck Dale is underrated. He did earn the title of "King of the Surf Guitar". (and rightfully so) So, that alone would suggest he is highly rated.

I think in certain quarters, like Guitar Player magazine and such, Dale gets the respect he deserves. I don't think his place in rock history is rightfully appreciated, though. Rock historians sort of place him in the smaller sub-genre of surf instrumentals. But Dale and the Dell Tones, along with Link Wray, Paul Revere and The Raiders and James Brown are the bridge between the rock and roll (band backs up a singer) to the rock (the band IS the artist) eras. Joe Carducci is one of the few rock critics/historians who ever gave Dale his due for this.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Music unlocks the mind. Who does it for you?
Posted: 7/10/2012 11:02:49 PM
To unlock my mind? John Coltrane
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
I think I've got this thread right where I want it...
Posted: 7/10/2012 10:51:45 PM
I have a couple of suggestions.

With the pics I would put at least one where you are dressed up a bit. Not a suit necessarily, but how you would dress if you were going to a nice restaurant or your girlfriend's office Christmas party. I have a bunch of gig pics on my profile and had to include at least one to show I can clean up nice.

In your initial post you said you are having trouble finding women you are interested in. One of the things I've learned is that I have better relationships with women who have little or no involvement with the music scene. That sounds counterintuitive but I can count on one hand the number of women I've dated whom I met at a club or through music and I am more than twice your age. You might be the same way. I've done better with florists, school teachers, accountants and hair stylists whose favorite artists are Josh Grogan or Billy Joel. Go figure.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Profile Boring?
Posted: 7/10/2012 6:04:09 PM
You are 46 and your settings are set for women from age 35 to 45. Remove the age restrictions. Start messaging women up to five or six years older than you (or even more if you dare). You will be pleasantly surprised at how many more dates you have.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Looking for those who want to discuss WWE, Pro Wrestling
Posted: 7/9/2012 9:25:01 PM
I appreciate pro wrestling as an art form that dates back to the carnivals of the nineteenth century.

I grew up in the 1970's when it was different. It was during the kayfabe era and probably half of the audience believed the matches were legit. Bruno Samartino was the king of the northeast. My favorite from back then was George "The Animal" Steele. I had the good fortune of sitting with him at a diner in NJ after a wrestling show. He has some stories. He was a high school gym teacher, football and wrestling coach in Michigan and only did the professional wrestling during the summer months.

I think Ring of Honor is the best wrestling company today. Quality matches. Worth catching.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
too boring - too full on? too stupid? what is it?
Posted: 7/9/2012 9:12:14 PM
Now that is a much better picture. Get a couple more like it.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 99 (view)
 
most Underated band?
Posted: 7/9/2012 8:51:55 PM
Another artist from the 1960's who is totally underrated is****Dale. King of the surf guitar.

1990's -- Kyuss gets respect from the critics and some of the more strident metal and stoner rock fans but Queens of the Stoneage are much better known. Kyuss was better.

1980's -- Plan 9 predicted the whole jam band movement eight years before it happened. They were from Rhode Island and recorded for Enigma among other labels. At any given time they had between three and five guitarists. Psychedelic hippy punk rock garage rockers.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 97 (view)
 
most Underated band?
Posted: 7/9/2012 8:31:01 PM
Different eras had their underrated bands and artists.

1950's -- This was an era of hit singles, teen idols and early rock and roll stars. I wasn't alive at this time. But listening to music from that era I would say that Tommy and Dorsey Burnette are two rockabilly guys who should have been better known. Also Link Wray.

1960's -- Paul Revere and The Raiders These guys were rocking in a band format before the British Invasion. Debatable whether their "Louie Louie" was recorded before the Kingsmen's. A ten year string of hits. Put them in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame already.

1970's -- Tom T. Hall is probably one of the best country songwriters ever. But most histories of country music when covering the 70's focus on the outlaw movement and George Jones. Tom T. has been sort of forgotten. So has Charlie Rich. Dolly Parton is underrated as a songwriter. You can make a very strong argument that she is the best female songwriter ever. In any genre.

1980's -- The Gun Club from America. The Soft Boys from The UK.

1990's -- The history of early alt. country focuses on three bands: Uncle Tupelo, The Jayhawks and Whiskeytown. But The Bottle Rockets were there too. And they are still going strong today. Give this band some respect.

The 2000's -- Under the radar Drive By Truckers put out a decade's run of albums that rivals just about any ten year run including what The Stones did between Beggar's Banquet and Some Girls. Starting with Southern Rock Opera in 2001 and ending with The Fine Print in 2010 they were the band of the decade. Tell that to Rolling Stone.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Looking for a profile critque
Posted: 7/9/2012 7:54:35 PM
Did a shark eat that chick's face or did you guys take those bath salt party drugs before playing spin the bottle?

Those pics are so bad they are funny.

You brag about having two degrees but your pics make it look like you never left the fraternity house.

I don't know which online gurus you listened to -- the part about Googling the user name to see if it shows up on Adult Friend Finder may have come from me -- but you must have misunderstood a few things.

A bad profile is not necessarily fatal but it puts a whole lot more pressure on your messaging and chat skills.

BTW, you use "there" when you should have used "their" and "financial" when you should have used "financially". I hope those two degrees weren't from Syracuse. If so, I am going to contact my local alumni association and tell them that the academic standards have dropped precipitously in the past decade.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
not much luck, care to review?
Posted: 7/9/2012 7:44:15 PM
You need some pictures where your facial expression varies. That smirky thing with the lips isn't working for you.

I'll chime in on the atheist thing. The point you seem to be making is that while you do not practice a religion you appreciate the ethic or ethos. When someone identifies as an "atheist" in the USA -- as opposed to Europe -- they are usually Christopher Hitchens types who think the whole thing is a bunch of crap. You don't seem that hardcore about it and I doubt you would mind having a girlfriend who went to church every week as long as she did not attempt to convert you.

The first date section should be kept brief. With online dating they usually are not the first date but the first meeting where you decide whether or not you would like to go out on a date with that person. I've always put something like "meet for tea, a walk in the park, visit a zoo".
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Review please
Posted: 7/9/2012 6:30:07 PM
IMO, you should go with BBW only if you have come to some level of acceptance about your size and are looking for a man who is attracted to plus size women. In not, go with a few extra pounds and include a full body shot. A guy can make up his mind for himself if you are for him.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Am I doing something wrong?
Posted: 7/9/2012 6:23:42 PM
A suit shows off your physique as well as a barechested shot. Plus it demonstrates class.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong
Posted: 7/9/2012 4:37:19 PM
I have standards. I have an education and a career. I have ambition. Still, I would never send you a message because you put down a whole lot of good people. Cooking, cleaning, waiting on tables, working in a store is honest work performed by decent people. They are the sort of people who remind me that God gave me my education. I would rather spend time with someone like them than someone like you. You just revealed something about your character that is ugly to the bone.

Google the word "humility".
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Am I doing something wrong?
Posted: 7/9/2012 4:26:40 PM
No bare chested shots. Ever. No exceptions. Women laugh at them and not in a good sort of way.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
3,,,,2,,,1,,, GO (hides behind the sofa)
Posted: 7/9/2012 3:48:03 PM
You need to use the chat feature then. It is my secret weapon. Once I get a woman to chat -- as opposed to the email exchange -- I bat around .900. (Sorry for the baseball metaphor. I forgot you are a limey. That means 90 percent success ratio.) You seem to be quick on your feet. Plus the chat gives you an extra half second to come up with something witty.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
WHY DOESN'T ANYONE LIKE ME?
Posted: 7/9/2012 3:36:39 PM
I second the notion of making the pic in the blue top your main one. You look good in blue.

Your intial question? It isn't that people don't like you. There are fewer available men in our age range -- good news for me, bad news for you. Women past the age of 45 have more competition. I don't know anything about Longview, Washington but going by the fact that you have a horse I assume you are in the country, so there are even fewer people available. For this reason strike the anti-hunting reference unless a hunter is an absolute dealbreaker. If you live in the country you have just excluded two-thirds of the men.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Rating
Posted: 7/9/2012 3:22:22 PM
I'd give you a 1. Chicks with razor stubble are no fun to kiss.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
3,,,,2,,,1,,, GO (hides behind the sofa)
Posted: 7/9/2012 3:15:34 PM
Usually spelling, punctuation and grammer are a big deal, But your profile is witty enough to demonstrate literacy so I assume the "i'm"s are a matter of personal style. You seem to get away with it.

Your profile projects confidence and wit. I don't think it is the problem. If you cannot convert three email exchanges into a first date it is because once you get a girl alone your confidence fades and you turn into someone needy or creepy. So work on your messaging technique.

 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Plenty of feedback please!
Posted: 7/9/2012 2:57:42 PM
Usually I wouldn't recommend using a tux pic as your first photo. But you are holding a clarinet so I am assuming that you are a pro and that is your work uniform. Go for it. Not too many guys here can say they play for the philharmonic.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
too boring - too full on? too stupid? what is it?
Posted: 7/9/2012 2:13:33 PM
I don't know where to start. It is not a good profile. A thirty year old woman should be getting more hits than she can handle. If your profile was an application to be a day camp director or preschool teacher you would be hired immediately.

You are not unattractive. However, you have a knack for choosing the worst possible pictures in your collection.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Why am I being shunned?
Posted: 7/9/2012 1:57:44 PM
[qoute]If I can be so lucky as a first date. Right now it's trying to get that first reply, but I'll make sure to keep that in mind.

I have about a fifty percent rate at converting a three message conversation or a chat into a first date. A big part of my success rate, IMO, is that I must be good at selecting "my type" from a field of 20 profiles. This is something I can't explain. I probably have a knack at figuring out who the person behind the profile really is. I also know the type of woman I am attracted to. This goes a very long way. If I really like the person I am chatting with I am much more likely to do and say the type of things that will lead to a date.

Generally I have four rules about an initial message aside from correct spelling and proper grammer.

1) Be brief

2) Be funny

3) Make some allusion to her profile. This is important because women want to know you read their profile instead of just looking at the pics. However, avoid sounding like an enthusiastic puppy. Better to joke about one of her interests. Best to have a funny almost subtle put down.

4) Project confidence and****ness. Do not sound desperate for a date. Be the guy who has more opportunities than time who just happened to be browsing profiles and saw something funny or of interest in her's.

Usually you should not comment on her sexiness or attractiveness. The exceptions are when a woman has nothing but sexy pics on her profile. She is not going to get bent out of shape if you tell her that the pic of her on the bed in the red bustierre is totally hot. But keep in mind that she is probably getting hundreds of messages a day from guys telling her the same thing. To stand out when messaging someone like that it is probably better to be mildly insulting, funny AND complimentary at the same time. ("Dang, even your cellulite looks hot when you wear those stockings.") She will spend the next ten minutes trying to come up with a clever response and when that happens you just beat out 100 other guys seeking her attention.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Is there something wrong with me??
Posted: 7/9/2012 11:33:29 AM
Rule number 327: NEVER post a mirror pic taken in a locker room or a public restroom. EVER.

You have two humorous pics, the one with the silly had and the other where you are riding the mechanical reindeer. One silly pic is enough.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
am i just to old or unatractive
Posted: 7/9/2012 10:35:32 AM
A few things.

You need a pic where you are dressed up somewhat, like you are going out to dinner. You don't need a suit or a tie. You just need to show that you clean up nice.

Motorcycles are a deal breaker for many women so don't worry about a lower percentage of responses. However, you do need a picture of your bike for two reasons. First, women who like bikes need to see that you have a Harley. Second, a woman who would demand that you get rid of your bike will know not to even contact you in the first place. So keep one motorcycle related pic for that reason. But one is all you need. If all of your pics are from poker runs you come across as one dimensional even to women who like Harleys.

Proper grammar and correct spelling are important.

If your leg is going to heal there is no reason to mention it in the profile.

You aren't too old unless you only hit on women ten or more years younger. Otherwise you are in the prime age for a man if you are willing to date women your own age or older. There are fewer available men in this demographic and even less who aren't chasing a trophy wife. Don't worry about your looks. You just have to present a neat appearance in some of your pics and show that you are somewhat in shape and healthy looking.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Help! All I get are lookers (mostly and major undesirables)
Posted: 7/8/2012 4:51:02 PM
Wow, I missed the wedding ring.

I didn't mention the age thing because I figured someone else would. Nothing wrong with being 53. I also don't have a problem with you looking for a younger guy as long as you know what you can expect and are adept at weeding out the ones who are serious from the ones looking for a booty call. While the older women/younger men thing is never going to be the norm it is something more and more couples are doing these days.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Help! All I get are lookers (mostly and major undesirables)
Posted: 7/8/2012 12:34:08 PM
As a connoisseur of plus size women your profile only proves my theory that the most desierable bbw's reside in Georgia. (Sorry Texas and California, you come in second and third respectively.) The pic in the black dress? Catnip, baby! The first two? You can't really tell from those pics that you are a bbw. There is no need to hide that fact. The guys who are going to message you are using the advance search option and setting the parameters for bbw's within a hundred miles of where you live. The ones with the best first photo are the profiles that get looked at. The last pic? Keep it as your last pic.

For some reason pictures of bbw's standing next to a body of water work really well. Post one of you in a nice summer dress standing next to a pool or lake. Don't be afraid to show your shoulders or arms. The guys who are going to message you are the ones who already find your arms and shoulders attractive. The constitution guarantees you the right to bare arms!

The text? Guys are only reading insomuch as to determine what their intial message should mention. I don't think it is better or worse than any others. There are no red flags.

Do an advanced search for the profiles of the bbw's withing two hundred miles of where you live. They are your competition, not the skinny women on this site. Personally, I think you are very attractive. But I would say if I was scrolling through profiles of bbw's within two hundred miles there is a 50/50 chance of me clicking it. A better first pick would make it 100 percent. You have an hourglass figure. That puts you in the top percentile of bbw's.

You are a plus size woman on a dating site and there are different rules for you. Forget everything everyone has ever told you about your size and body. Yes, bbw chasers are in the minority (and some of them are probably creepy) but they are out there. I know of a number of bbw's on this site who are your age and they have no problem getting messages and dates. Above all, project confidence. It can be your sexiest attribute.
 triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
What's wrong with my profile?
Posted: 7/7/2012 9:13:11 PM
Intelligent, tall, handsome, witty, just about everything women like. I am flabergasted that you are not getting at least a 50% response rate. If I had a daughter you would be the type of guy I would hope she brought home.

Here are a few possible things.

1) We are living in a time where long hair is not stylish. No, do not cut your hair. Long hair definately is working for you. But just be aware that we are living in a time where short hair is the style.

2) Even though you are working in construction you are the type of guy college girls go for. Take a class or two just so you can say you are taking a college class. Weston? That isn't too far from Charleston. Plus you have a car so setting your sights on Morgantown -- which, IMO, is the place you belong -- is doable. Try expanding your search parameters a bit. Another suggestion? You are already in construction and my guess is you are handy with a saw and hammer. Why not volunteer to do set design for one an amateur, community or college theater? Not only plenty of women who are your type are involved in that but a substantial percentage of the guys in theater are gay. Less competition for you!

3) You need at least one pic where you are in your construction garb, preferably outside with your hair tied back on a sunny day hammering away (or whatever it is you do.)

4) Do not mention video games in your profile. Ever.

5) I don't know the age range of the women you are messaging but I would suggest you attempt at messaging women who are older. Like 25. Heck, even 3o if that rocks your boat. When I was your age I was playing in an indie band and touring all over the northeast. Still, I had a hard time getting dates. Then I started approaching women who were around eight to ten years older than me. It was THE turning point in my dating life. I realized that the reason why I wasn't connecting with girls my own age was because I was in a much different place and more like a guy seven or eight years older than I was. You may be the same sort of person.

6) Do not be intimidated or discouraged. You are in the 99th percentile. It is not easy doing the online dating thing when you are 18. Hell, nothing is easy when you are 18 except playing basketball. Keep at it and DO NOT settle for a woman who does not meet your standards or is not what you are looking for.

7) Don't delete your profile. Keep at it. Dating is a skill. All you need to do is learn the skills in order to play the game. Practice it. Learn from the guys on here who are successful. Stay away from the bitter guys who can't get a date.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Why am I being shunned?
Posted: 7/7/2012 8:19:44 PM
I agree with Campfires. The whole idea is to maximize responses unless, like me, it sometimes gets so busy that I have to tone down my profile. It is easier for men past forty to get dates especially if we date women our own age. There are fewer available men in the 40 to 65 range. I tell women it is revenge for high school.

OP, there are several things wrong with your profile. First, either get some pics where you don't have the heavy razor stubble or grow a beard. Second, you do need to add some humor to the profile. A profile that can make somebody laugh out loud is like catnip to women on this site. Third, don't "explain" your job. Just say "I am in the IT field and LOVE what I do." This communicates that you are gainfully employed and happy with your life. That is all you have to say because it is really all that women want to know. Contrary to what some of the more bitter men on this site say, most women are NOT gold diggers and really don't care how much money you earn. Instead, they want someone with a similar level of education who has a stable life.

When I send out messages I generally get a 40 to 50 percent response rate. (At the moment I am not looking to go out on a bunch of dates so I have toned it down considerably.) I also get several unsolicited messages a week. Currently my profile is bare bones but I usually treat it like a blog with humorous observations about dating. Many women read it, have a laugh, and send me their own stories and observations.

After getting your profile in order your next goal should be to master the art of online communication so you can convert 50% of your email exchanges and chats into first dates. Again, that is very doable. But for now work on the profile and your pics.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Trusting intuition
Posted: 7/7/2012 7:46:51 PM
This person is a potential rapist or worse.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
He needs space but has no intention of seeing others..
Posted: 7/7/2012 6:13:21 PM
Needing space can mean two things. First, it can mean he is just not feeling it but still thinks you are a nice person and doesn't want to hurt you. Second, it can also mean that he is going through a whole bunch of crap in his personal life and even if he were to see you his head would not be in the game at that moment.

I think it is the second scenario for a number of reasons. 1) People who get into long distance relationships often have a lot of personal stuff -- family, career, etc... -- and choose this option because there are not as many time commitments. 2) The reasons he gave you why he was feeling overwhelmed are all verifiable. He gave you no indication he was lying. 3) You are a model. Your posts and profile give no indication that you are crazy. What guy gives up on that?

My advice. Give him his space. Do not pressure him or make an ultimatum. Go ahead and date others. You are broken up but don't make a big deal out of it with him. In ten years he will remember you not only as the supermodel he dated but a really awesome person who he might have had a great relationship if he wasn't going through such a bad time in his life. Your understanding in this situation only proves your quality as a human being.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
am I honestly on my own ?
Posted: 7/7/2012 5:36:41 PM
If you can't find a date on this thing it is because you are doing something wrong, plain and simple. A whole bunch of women responded to your question and told you flat out why you aren't getting any takers. To summarize you are still married, not smiling, come across as arrogant in your profile and are unwilling to date women your own age. (That isn't my opinion, just the gals. I am a hetero dude and have no idea why you aren't getting any responses. For all I know it could be an English thing.) Don't get snippy with the people here. Go and fix these things.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
when to make your profile invisible or remove it
Posted: 7/7/2012 5:24:59 PM
I don't know where to begin....

When I read your initial post I figured you were 19 or so. But I read your profile and you are 50!

I will spell it out for you.

A) Two weeks of chatting and a single date does not equal a committed relationship

B) People who are not in a relationship have no need to remove their profiles and are allowed to date other people.

C) You are in an exclusive relationship only AFTER you have had THE TALK and decided upon what the terms should be.

D) There is no need to stop talking to someone and move on if you are not in an exclusive relationship just because that person still has a profile up. At this point you should still be dating other people as well.

E) While there is no set rule most healthy adults will not begin to entertain the thought about making a relationship exclusive until after they have been dating at least three months and have had at least ten dates.

F) Failure to understand these simple social rules and cues will cause her to perceive you as a creepy stalker dude she met on the internet.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Why do men talk to u interested then about a week later ignore you?
Posted: 7/7/2012 1:28:49 PM
They are usually talking to more than one person at a time. But once they start going out on actual dates keeping conversations going with more than one person is too much. If they start chatting with you again it means the dates they went on didn't turn into relationships.

My advice? Close the deal on a meet up after exchanging a few messages. If you have never met in person it really has nothing to do with you. Just that someone else was able to set up a date faster than you.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Health and dating over 50.
Posted: 7/7/2012 1:17:38 PM
I am a bbw chaser so there are certain conditions like type 2 diabetes that a man with my sort of preference is going to have to live with. I cannot be in a relationship with a smoker because cigarette smoke makes me sick. I don't want to be in a relationship with an active alcoholic although someone with five or more years in A.A. is fine with me.

The older we get the more likely we are to have survived some sort of health scare be it cancer, a heart attack, m.s. or diabetes. Even people who took care of themselves and did everything right will find that they cannot outrun genetics forever.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Dating married women in O.R ??
Posted: 7/6/2012 2:53:00 PM
The three of you deserve each other. The kids deserve to be raised in a safe, loving, functional home. Their momma taking them to live in your house would not fit the bill. My suggestion? Maybe these kids have an aunt who is sane. Put them in her home. Then the three of you can play your twisted games.
 Triumph800rider
Joined: 10/10/2009
Msg: 39 (view)
 
My POF BF and Baby Momma Drama-Help
Posted: 7/6/2012 12:25:19 PM
SweetT

Let me give you the man's perspective

I believe the BF is trying to be a good father to his children. The BM, however, is using this desire to manipulate him. He probably feels that he is caught between a rock and a hard place. But he never set up boundaries with this woman or stuck up for himself. Many men go through this. He will not be available for a relationship until he mans up and lawyers up. Until he does this he will always feel that his relationship with his children is subject to their mother's whims. Of course she doesn't want this even if it would work to hers and the children's benefit. She enjoys the power she has over him. Yes, it is twisted and dysfunctional. But you did NOTHING to make the situation what it is. It was that way long before you arrived on the scene.

It may hurt but you need to be clear with him that you will not be with him until he gets this mess straightened out through the courts. In the long run you may be the catalyst that gets him to stand up to this woman and stand up for his children. But be clear with him. No nookie, no home cooked meal, no cuddling on the sofa, no texting until his situation is resolved.
 
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