Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: Complex dating with a coworker (who has moved to a dif office)
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Complex dating with a coworker (who has moved to a dif office)
Posted: 3/14/2015 7:32:53 PM
Personally I think she was playing mind games with you. It sounds like she was getting off on the attention and purposely giving you blue balls. I'm sorry, but what the heck is she doing going over to a co-worker's house three times? A co-worker who has already demonstrably shown romantic interest in her. Either poor judgement on her part or she knew exactly what she was doing to you. This is the worst kind of friendzone because she's messing with your mind. I would cut off all contact with her except for what's work-related. This is not going anywhere good.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 354 (view)
 
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/14/2015 4:56:33 PM
It can and does work very often but not off a dating site. People come onto a dating site with the singular purpose of seeking out romance with another person. As a concept IRL, it happens all the time. Many relationships have grown from two people who casually knew (or knew of) each other from some common activity like work or school or through mutual friends. These are the relationships that don't start with fireworks. They grow out of familiarity and regular conversations and this could slowly build over a year or more until one decides to ask out the other. I'd say these relationships have the best chance of turning into a marriage. I read stories in the wedding section of the paper all the time of former co-workers who ran into each other years later and then started going out. A lot of people think romance has to be this instantaneous feeling but that's not always the case.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 35 (view)
 
First date but physical attraction lacking?
Posted: 3/14/2015 1:10:22 PM

Just because you want to have sex with someone, it doesn't mean you want to spend your life with them. It seems like most people aren't looking for the person they want to marry and grow old with, they're looking for the person their friends will be jealous they get to have sex with.


100% agree. Our society right now is probably the most looks-obsessed and looks-driven since the ancient Greeks. It's bad enough that people can't stop staring at their own reflection which we now call the "selfie." The very concept of Tinder makes me gag thinking about people mindlessly swiping headshots all day without knowing anything else about who they're looking at on there. We're devaluing important criteria like compatibility, shared interests, and mutual goals. Those are the things that lead to long-lasting relationships.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 33 (view)
 
First date but physical attraction lacking?
Posted: 3/13/2015 11:32:36 PM

With this girl there is sooo much going for us already, but for me, just that attraction is missing. If there is so many positives with us, one negative, despite how serious, should be fixable. I am going to see her again and I am going to try to be objective.


I think it shows a lot of maturity and openness on your part to give her a second chance. I wish a woman I went on a date with last month had done the same for me. This was not just an ordinary first date. She and I had the most pre-date correspondence that I ever had with anyone. I'm talking hundreds of messages on the dating site (not POF), countless texts and several hours-long phone conversations. It seemed like the date itself would just be a formality. We were hitting it off so well that I could already picture us as a couple. The date even felt like a continuation of our phone coversations until I walked her back to her place and her demeanor totally changed. The next day I got an e-mail about there not being any chemistry. I felt so blindsided by the whole thing. Knowing that we had gotten along so well and everything else seemed to fit, why would she be so quick to dismiss all of it after one date? It was a freezing night in February and I'm sure I didn't look my best in a blustery wind as I met her on the street. I'm not saying that every failed first date should warrant a second look but I think sometimes people can be too quick to eliminate someone on 'chemistry' when there are so many other positives.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
a little help please
Posted: 1/7/2015 12:04:30 AM
I feel like you should be meeting girls offline instead of pinning your hopes on this wasteland. You're 21. Life is good right now. You've got all your buddies. Nobody's buried under a ton of responsibilities. You guys can go out and raise h-ll whenever you want and that is a precious thing. Go to parties. Crash parties. Throw parties. Expand your social circle. Make friends with friends of friends. You get yourself out there enough, someone's going to notice. Don't let this be a crutch. There's more disappointment on here for guys than there is happiness. On here, they'll say you're too short, but out there, you're a whole person instead of a stat on a screen. Stick with the real world. Keep your profile up just to have it there, but don't wait around for messages. You've got more fun things to do with your time.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 155 (view)
 
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/4/2015 11:19:28 PM

that means that you are rank at about 20th position


If you're being ranked. If you care. It's not like she's going to update the list every week like the AP Top 25 in college sports. "Whaat? I'm only #20?? But I'm scoring all the time with her!" :)
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 153 (view)
 
How to answer 'how many men have you slept with?' question?
Posted: 1/4/2015 10:37:47 PM
I think it's easier to be with a woman who's slept with 40 guys (for example) than somebody who's only ever been with one other person in a long relationship. This way you're not being constantly compared to that one ex. No need to wonder if you're better or worse. Personally, I've never really thought of anyone as a "slut." I think that's more of a high school derogatory term. I don't see it as a big deal that a woman might have slept with a large number of guys. It's not like we're talking about a gangbang. If a single woman averaged sex with four men a year over a decade, it would total 40 guys. In NYC, this is very realistic and not at all strange. Some women have already notched that number before the age of thirty. I knew a few in college that were halfway there by graduation. Good times. ;)
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Are you attracted to 'Crazy'?
Posted: 1/4/2015 12:09:35 AM
Am I attracted to 'crazy'? No.

Do I attract 'crazy'? Yes.

Am I crazy? Maybe.

:-D
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 59 (view)
 
Be wary of recently divorced train wrecks
Posted: 12/30/2014 2:39:18 PM
This site is full of so many separated and recently divorced people that they should call it Plenty of Baggage. I would say the majority of them also have two or more children. It's depressing on several levels. First you think about all these broken families and then you also realize that this is your dating pool. Being single gets less fun every day on here.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 4:09:16 PM
You're an attractive woman but your profile makes you come off like a weirdo. You put more effort into creating a one joke novelty than you did in actually revealing anything insightful about yourself. I would scrap the whole thing and start over with a new handle.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Only dating 2 months, what should I do?
Posted: 9/26/2014 7:55:05 PM

I don’t believe in sex before marriage


Does HE know that? lol

You're going to have a hard time holding onto anyone with that viewpoint.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Seeking younger women when dating in my 30’s .
Posted: 9/26/2014 7:16:49 PM
Always keep in mind that life is full of surprises. It laughs at our attempts to boil romance down to an exact formula. You might be looking for a younger woman and then be captivated one night by the sexiest, most interesting woman you've ever met who is ten years older than you. Age is a strange issue because we're not out there in the world like bouncers checking IDs before we engage with someone. It almost always ends up as an afterthought except on dating sites where we get asked to choose a range. My advice is to allow yourself to be open to life's surprises. It doesn't mean you should go looking to date a college student (or her mother) but that you shouldn't rule anyone out prematurely before getting to know them if there's mutual attraction.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Very confused
Posted: 9/26/2014 1:19:08 PM

yes I am not his girlfriend so quite honestly it's doesn't bother me.


You can lie to yourself but you can't fool us. This thread wouldn't even exist if it didn't "bother" you. You want him even more now because he doesn't want you. Sometimes there is no greater aphrodisiac than that of indifference.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
I am very confused and trying to understand why this happened?
Posted: 9/23/2014 9:23:15 PM

Also, people have lives. This woman may have totally wanted to meet him but wasn't in a position schedule wise to make it happen.


Well, here's a thought then: You don't make plans during the work week! She agreed to meet up with him on FOUR different days and canceled on all of them. (Totally blowing him off on the last one) If that sounds normal to you, then I'm guessing there's some guy out there complaining about you, too. I've never heard of any person (either gender) who broke plans on four straight occasions with someone that really interested them.

She effed with him big time and if it was done to me, I would have dropped a wave of F-bombs on her voice mail like it was an ISIS training camp. Either you have dignity or you don't. For the OP's sake, I hope it was just a bored teenager's prank.

InnerGorilla: +100 on your entire post. :)
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
I am very confused and trying to understand why this happened?
Posted: 9/23/2014 5:16:28 PM
Don't let NDT get under your skin. The man is always wrong in her eyes. Her only purpose on these forums is to put men down.

Back to your situation. There are several possible scenarios.

A. She's a flake
B. You were Plan B
C. Something better came along (in her mind)
D. All of the above

After the second blow-off, you should have moved on. It's almost always a bad sign when they cancel on the first date.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
 
My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 9/23/2014 4:28:13 PM
Hard to believe that with your outdoor interests and active lifestyle that you don't have numerous opportunities to meet fit, attractive women that share your passion for the water. Are you very shy and passive? Are you able to initiate conversations? Any guy who's over 6 feet and handsome should clean up in person or online. I think there might be something wrong in your approach; maybe you're emitting the wrong vibes. Incidentally, how long has it been since your last LTR? Did it end amicably or badly? I'm just wondering if maybe that has had some lingering effect on you.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 501 (view)
 
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 9/23/2014 3:46:22 PM

All true. However, when the "Millionaire Matchmaker" couldn't get a date for a 5'6" in shape, handsome millionaire, because all the women said he was "too short", it smacks of idiotic, primitive, shallowness.


Keep in mind though that the women that appear as potential dates on that show are not indicative of a normal sample of women of varying looks and backgrounds. Those women are usually wannabe actresses/models looking for exposure. Very superficial bunch. The millionaire himself might have unreasonable expectations due to his wealth. If he truly wants a hot gold-digger, then they're not that hard to find. There are web sites that even cater to that mentality. If he's just expecting a hot woman to fall in love with him as a person (regardless of the money), then he's just going to have to get in line with everyone else.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 60 (view)
 
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/18/2014 11:30:03 PM
Patch, don't make excuses for her. People who are truly happy with themselves don't come to a discussion board specifically to trash the other gender. It doesn't matter what's gone on in her life. If I had let every bad circumstance dictate my perception of other people, then I would never be able to go out and have a good time. At some point, you have to be able to chill out. She's got a serious ax to grind with men for reasons that go deeper than generic messages and until she comes to terms with it, then it's going to be more of the same misandry. Which, frankly, is not our problem. It's hers and the unsuspecting men of Newfoundland that dare to approach her.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 42 (view)
 
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/14/2014 11:32:14 AM
NDT's man-hatred strikes again. It's almost like she's frothing at the mouth when she spins out these diatribes. I've heard less vitriol from Andrea Dworkin talking about pornography. My god, just imagine if she actually subjected one of those ten-thousand poor souls to a date with her. They should be thanking her for being such a discerning online dater. Of course I think she's just saving her glittering personality for us forum fellas. ;)
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/14/2014 1:01:06 AM

The other one was an interesting case in-and-of-itself because she's an attractive (but often annoying) woman in her late 20s that has kissed me a couple of times during drunken behavior in the distant past when we used to hang out in the same social group all the time (I hadn't seen her in a couple of years before Saturday). I kinda felt like there was some pressure from our friends for us to "couple" as we were the "last ones left," although she's only currently single after breaking up with a very longtime boyfriend a few months ago.


You can not pass this up, my friend. Are you really in any position to pass this up? Come on Hawking, I have read too many of your voluminous complaints on here about OLD to know that you would be crazy to not give this a chance. Why do you want to keep coming back to the cruel roulette wheel of OLD that never seems to land on your number when you have a woman in real life that you find attractive and has already kissed you several times? Maybe your friends are doing the both of you a favor. At least give it a shot. You might end up being happy and having the last laugh.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/12/2014 8:01:18 PM

I also don't thin that men realize just how many messages us women receive each day.


We are acutely aware of it. This is why some men choose to play the numbers game. I feel like this thread could easily morph into another battle-of-the-sexes because we have such different experiences on here. It happens a lot on here. *Takes cover* lol
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/12/2014 7:43:02 PM

I want men to GO FOR IT!!! Take a risk!!!! It shows a lot more confidence.


Sound familiar? ;)

Judge the guy on his profile, not the initial message. Not everyone is a natural writer or communicator. The way it would start in person at a party, BBQ or whatever would likely be, "Hi, I'm..."
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 26 (view)
 
would you date a 28 year old guy who never had a gf
Posted: 9/11/2014 6:21:40 PM
OP, relax. I had a college friend who was in your boat with probably a lot more physical impediments (not disabilities, but unattractive features) and he didn't meet his future wife until he was 30. Yeah, he's married now and has two kids. She was a normal-looking woman by the way. He went from nothing to something. How? He stopped giving a s--t about rejection. He focused on the positives (well-employed, good character, family-oriented) that he brought to the table and kept asking until someone said, "Yes."

You don't owe it to anyone to disclose your lack of dating experience. If they ask, be honest, but not brutally so. Stay vague. Once they're into you, it won't matter anyway. It's about 'potential.' What does a recent college grad with a thin resume have to sell a future employer other than a degree? Potential.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 27 (view)
 
He walked out on me mid date... said he had issues. Help!
Posted: 9/11/2014 3:33:49 PM
Things to exclude from future first dates:

- Hotel room
- An abundance of alcohol
- Confession of feelings prior to the first date
- Superfluous buildup of anticipation and expectations

The problem is that this wasn't really anything like a normal first date. You two seemed to have a whirlwind romance over the computer before putting flesh to bone. It sort of reminds me of the typical 'Catfish' scenario where one person falls for the other over countless e-mails, text messages and messenger chats before an actual meeting (that usually never takes place because the other person is a fraud). I suspect you feel emotionally-Catfished in this situation which is why you're seeking closure and answers that aren't normally necessary subsequent to a bad first date.

I think, maybe, you should ask some questions of yourself. What was it about this guy that allowed you to drop your guard so easily when you normally wouldn't? Why did you fall head-over-heels so fast? What's going on in your life that made you so vulnerable to him? (This is not an answer that you share with us, but just for your own benefit).
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 315 (view)
 
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/29/2014 6:40:11 PM

The problem with online is that so much of what goes into initially attracting someone is based on physical looks alone and availability that it creates an unnatural superficial way to connect with others.


Jessie gets it. She gets two high-fives for her last post. Meaningful, sensible, practical, and without any acrimony. Listen to her. There's some valuable insight in there.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 294 (view)
 
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/28/2014 11:12:56 PM

Dude, I'm a single mother who went to university while working a full time job and a part time job ( while breastfeeding). I had no family support, or financial support from their father up until they were teenagers. I walked an hour and a half to work each way when it came down to diapers or a bus pass. I taught myself how to do wiring, drywall, painting, woodworking, appliance repair, flooring installation, sewing, knitting, quilting, decorating, etc. because I had no help and no money.

I put more effort into "doing" this morning before I got out of my bed than you'd have to spend typing more than "hi". I consider any man who believes that typing 3 sentences as being "too much effort" or "exhausting" completely f*cking useless. What the hell would they be like if I were in a relationship with them and something catastrophic happened?


How's that chip you're carrying around?

What I said was in response to your vague generalization that men only do the bare minimum. I gave legitimate examples of how women skirt by with the bare minimum that wouldn't even work for most men. If you're going to make a blanket accusation, you should at least be able to prove it sufficiently. What is the bare minimum in your eyes, anyway? I imagine it must be quite "exhausting" for a guy to try to impress you, given your disdain towards most of them. Is it possible that you never let go of the anger towards your children's father? You know, since you had to refine all your nifty home improvement skills. None of which are relevant to this thread. It's like you're trying to say, "I once used a trowel so you better write me a soliloquy."
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Drinking and dating, bad choice?
Posted: 8/28/2014 10:10:42 PM
I've never had a bad drinking date. It's the sober ones that are torture...ha ha.

College drinking was more about the sloppy make-outs at parties. It was usually with someone you never saw before and never saw again. The entire conversation preceding it may have compromised of "Heyyyy, you're cute." ;)
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 270 (view)
 
WOMEN have a VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE on POF then MEN !!!
Posted: 8/28/2014 1:07:43 AM

Most men do the bare minimum, believe that women should be okay with it...


I disagree. Men are not allowed to do the bare minimum. We're not allowed to only write "Just ask" in our About Me sections as I see in so, so many women's profiles, or only say "Hi" in our messages like so many women have sent out. Maybe the best looking among us can afford to do so, but the majority of us have to put in a real effort or risk being dismissed as "lazy" or "dumb." It is the women who know their inbox will swell up by doing the bare minimum.

I rarely send out first messages anymore unless I think there's a can't-miss ice breaker. Once I realized that my greatest successes at OLD came from when the woman initiated contact, then I knew the interest level is never the same when I reach out to them. It's almost like the opposite of real life. You don't get rewarded for being outgoing and talkative on here because you're not right in front of them Your words are detached from your body so they don't have the same impact. They can't see your eyes and your smile as you deliver them. They can't hear the inflection in your voice. It's a disjointed conversation.

Perhaps, if dating sites in the future get rid of the written word and just have video-based profiles and messages, that will get closer to the real life experiences of flirting with someone in person. I have a feeling that will resonate more with the younger generations who are more used to being open and public on the internet.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
200,000 more single women then single guys in NY. How can that be true.
Posted: 5/24/2014 3:14:37 PM
So much also depends on your location. I live in a very quiet residential area in Queens where it's mostly married couples and families. I have a greater chance of finding a stray cat than a single woman. lol Even in NYC it's possible to feel like there's nobody around.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Is she into me?
Posted: 10/3/2013 7:25:36 PM

She sent me a text saying "Loll no worries..umm btw if you take screenshots of the chats the sender gets notified;)". I think she was upset, I apologised like three times >.<


She was flirting with you!!!!!!! She gave you the smiley face with a wink. Why did you apologize? Stop being a timid mouse! You are acting like I did when I was a freshman in HS. I was so scared to talk to this girl that liked me that I avoided her all semester! The difference is that I was 14. How old are you? Come on, man.

We're not even talking about online dating. This is a real life woman that knows you and likes you. Every guy on here would kill for that situation. Whenever you interact with her again (text or whatever), tell her that the next time you two see each other will be a date.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Input greatly appreciated!
Posted: 10/1/2013 8:49:54 PM
I feel like the 'real you' comes out at the bottom of your description with the bullet list. Not that there's anything inherently wrong with the content of the preceding paragraphs, but they come off somewhat dry and rehearsed. The stuff at the bottom is how I'd hear you on a date. It's more conversational. Move those to the top.

Since I live within NYC, I think I know why you may be having some trouble on here. It's a problem that is specific to those of us that live in the tri-state area. POF will show us profiles from people that seem like they're close by geographically but are actually a pretty long drive (or commute) when you take into account all the logistics. I'm guessing that you probably view men from all over NJ, NYC and Eastern Pennsylvania. If that's the case, then guys who think that you're too far away may end up ruling you out.

Everybody on here agrees that it's not your looks or personality. It may just be the pool of men showing up on your searches are not synchronized with you. It's just tough in general to complete a match. Don't let it get you down. It probably wouldn't hurt to get on a few other sites so that you have multiple bait.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Help !!!! Advice needed !
Posted: 9/30/2013 11:31:50 PM

... Go to a local high school and find a kid wanting to practice their photography skills. They will have an artful, creative, fresh spirit to approach your photographs. Have them take a BUNCH of photos, then pick a couple of good head shots and a couple full body shots - in different clothes and in different outfits. Go to a park - let them pose you - be creative, but not too weird...


Not too weird??? The whole thing sounds weird. In fact, this is the weirdest advice that I've ever seen on here. It's like one of those peculiar things you read where eyebrows get arched, mouth opens and head gets scratched. Let me get this straight: You want a woman over 50 to attempt to enter a high school (explain this one to security) to solicit a random teenager (a minor) to photograph her for her online dating profile? What if the genders were switched - would you tell a man in his 50s to walk into a high school and do the same thing? I'm sure that would go down real well with the school administrators. Hello, police?

It's not that hard to have a friend or a family member take some flattering pictures. Really, she needs to smile more in her pictures or just give off a lighter aura. The ones she has now seem sullen and gloomy. Then she needs to edit out about ninety-percent of her current description. It goes way past overkill. Though it seems like she's really complaining about men only wanting sex from her. Welcome to the dating world.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 86 (view)
 
Intelligence and dating
Posted: 7/7/2013 11:24:30 PM

how my diabetes works


Well, diabetes isn't exactly an enthralling first date topic unless you also care to discuss the details of my most recent colonoscopy. We could even exchange medical records after signing HIPAA waivers. ;)

Since when do intelligence and dating go together anyway? If we were so smart, we wouldn't have dated all those people who were so wrong for us in hindsight. We choose with our eyes and animal instincts and hope for the best. Of course it's nice to have things in common and to be able to share discourse on current events, but let's be real about one thing. Nobody ever ends up at that first date table based purely on their intelligence. Would anyone care to say otherwise while hooked up to a lie detector?
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 24 (view)
 
After two months now what?
Posted: 6/24/2013 12:39:32 AM
OP, two months is more than enough time for this woman to either sh-t or get off the pot. Casual dating for any longer than that is usually only about the sex. Like a summer fling. Especially for the person who seems the most nonchalant about it. You deserve a straight answer though. Pick up the phone and call her. Be straightforward and blunt. What's the deal with the two of you? Don't let her be coy and if she says anything about being "confused," just hang up the phone because that's usually followed by "I don't know what I want."
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 46 (view)
 
She Left Me For A Tattoo Artist Band Biker Mechanic
Posted: 6/19/2013 11:17:10 AM
Your subject heading is very misleading because the truth is that she chose not to date you. There was never anything there for her to leave. You're taking this way too personally and exhibiting far too much envy towards this other guy. All that matters is that she just wasn't that into you, as they say in the now-famous phrase.

Keep in mind that this is someone that she's already been friends with for a year. It was just a matter of mutual attraction. If she had to choose between a known commodity (him) and a total question mark (you), then of course she'll stay in her comfort zone. I think most people would choose familiarity over uncertainty as long as there's attraction.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Calling 3 months after first date?
Posted: 2/4/2013 6:07:17 PM

. I would like to see him again, so I probably will, but I will do it with a guarded, upper hand feeling until he comes down off his cloud a little bit. :)


Oh yeah, you'd really have the 'upper hand' there by going back out with him after he blew you off three months ago for another woman. How could he not cower in your presence? Nothing quite shows leverage like jumping into the arms of an ambivalent man.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 69 (view)
 
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/4/2013 12:34:33 AM

Oh so hang on, wait a minute, you cut your roomies grass, stole his chick, turned her into a 1.5 yr relationship and without building up familiarity? Lets not go into the morals here (but I'm sure not putting my hand up share a house with you! :~) but you just flat told us you can't do that!


What? Cut grass? Huh? Maybe you've been smoking some. lol I didn't steal anyone's woman. All I said was that I turned a random phone call into a relationship. Not too shabby. She wasn't familiar with me when I picked up the phone, but she sure was by the end of the conversation. =)

Obviously it helped that I had some connection to my roommate so that she was more comfortable talking with me, but the ball was in my court to keep her on the phone and flirt with her. As I said, always be ready for an opportunity that might present itself.

One important thing to remember in this discussion (or debate) is that every guy is different in what he has to offer to a woman and to attract her. Each of us has our own set of strengths and weaknesses. Some are related to our physical appearance/attributes/personal style and others are built-in to our personalities. (Age and status in life are also factors) Successfully meeting women is not a one-size-fits-all approach.

The OP can't model himself after you or me or anyone else. It wouldn't work because he has to embrace his own best qualities for a woman to appreciate him. I've got my thing, you've got your thing and he's got his thing. They're not the same thing because we don't look the same or act the same or have the same interests. We wouldn't all be attractive to the same woman. You argue that attraction can be artificially created through a sales-type pitch, but I know attraction to be organic and individual to the woman. Instead of the OP trying to become a salesman, he needs to see himself as the 'product' that has to get out in front of potential customers.

What he wants is a girlfriend to share his life. Does she exist somewhere out there in the world? Yes, but he has to put himself into a position for the opportunity to meet her. It definitely won't happen if he spends all his time bemoaning about it on the forums.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 51 (view)
 
How do you get a womans attention in the real world
Posted: 2/2/2013 4:04:50 AM

Daysleeper5 you couldn't be more wrong. Your other advice is fine but it is obvious you have no qualifications to advise anyone in this field.


So, you and Bofast are more qualified, huh? Two divorced men in their 50s that presume to know all there is to know about meeting women. Are you sure your real names aren't Felix Ungar and Oscar Madison? Just kidding. :P

I didn't realize I needed any credentials to offer my own opinion on pick-up artist techniques. Most of what Bofast wrote in his message related to how men should act around women in relationships (with valid points) and less so on how to meet them. In his profile he says he'd rather meet them through a friend or in the gym or supermarket. A friend is always a great resource if that's the case, but often times a friend can't do anything for you (or may not want to). Especially when they're having trouble themselves. Gyms and supermarkets can work, but you have to build up familiarity .

It's not just about getting a phone number, it's about having a real shot at finding someone to date. I got lots of phone numbers when I younger, in school and going out to bars/parties all the time. Often times after getting the girl's tongue in my mouth. lol You know what? Most of those didn't lead to anything except some awkward phone conversations. The girls that I really dated and went out with were the ones I got to know over time from repeated encounters.

Now if you really want to talk about a great pick-up, I once turned a phone call for a roommate of mine into a girlfriend for a year-and-a-half. Kept her on the phone for two hours. Just because I liked her voice. Turned out there was quite a body and face to go along with it. :)

NorthernCherryPie in Message 35 was spot on from a female's POV and all of her insights match up with my own life experiences. If the OP should commit any of the advice on here to memory, he should do so with her instructions.

Two things she pointed out are even more relevant for online dating messages. It will clear up a lot of confusion for guys. When a woman doesn' t ask you any questions and doesn't attempt to continue the conversation in a meaningful way: She's either not interested...or...she's just not that into you. Always know when to cut your losses and look for better prospects.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Hardly any fish in MY waters - what to do??
Posted: 2/2/2013 2:04:03 AM

perhaps the tiniest bit arrogant


These are one of those strange things women write that make me shake my head. Are you really asking the reader to evaluate their 'level' of arrogance? Maybe men should pine for a woman who is 'perhaps the tiniest bit realistic' and not searching for some peculiar measure of personality traits. ;)


Would love to meet Mr. Right, am open to Mr. Right now and willing to see where it leads.


I don't know if this happens to other guys, but every time I read 'Mr. Right' in a woman's profile, I gag a little. lol Why not just say 'knight in shining armor'? What's interesting is that you probably couldn't find one man's profile that mentioned his desire to find 'Ms. Right.' Women just can't resist a cliche. However, I will still advise you to try to resist them.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 45 (view)
 
struggling on POF could use some pointers
Posted: 2/1/2013 5:14:06 PM
The only thing you really need to work on right now are your pictures. Why would you choose the angriest looking one for a main photo? You look intense and scary as if you just got arrested for beating in someone's head. Delete that one and the pic of you at work looking haggard. These aren't doing you any favors. The only one really worth keeping is #2 in the order. At least you're sort of smiling there.

You should think about growing your hair out longer so it would be easier for you to do stuff with it, like brushing it back or parting it. Hair is hard to style at its shortest lengths. If you prefer it short though, then you might as well get the full buzz all over. Don't worry about looking thuggish. As long as it fits your face. Besides, some women go crazy for that look.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Real world Vs Internet profile, would you still date the same person?
Posted: 2/1/2013 3:08:25 PM

I think it is an interesting angle, we reject many because of their profile, but perhaps we reject too many?


Yes, you're right. We're all our worst enemies sometimes because we think we've got this all figured out down to a perfect formula (common interests + attraction + shared goals = soulmate). How can we ever truly know our potential with anyone based on a dating profile? They don't always advertise/sell themselves in the best way and we often have that itchy trigger finger on the clicker if we see one thing that raises an eyebrow.

It's too much of an intellectual weeding out process. We over-analyze too much about who's the best fit for us. What's missing is that in-person chemistry test which you can never have on a web site and the only people that we'll meet offline have to pass our stringent analysis.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Help I'm just finding creepy guys...
Posted: 1/30/2013 11:31:34 PM
Lose the boudoir shots of you in the lingerie. Yeah of course the guys like the photos. They want to get laid and you look like free lunch.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Getting absolutely nowhere, please review and help
Posted: 1/30/2013 4:58:37 PM

and 40 is middle aged, most men die around 80,


Even more reason to go out and have some fun...while you still can! lol

Neither of my grandfathers made it to 80, so I'm already past the halfway mark. Young lady, would you mind holding my oxygen tank while I change my IV bag? Thank you. :D
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Getting absolutely nowhere, please review and help
Posted: 1/30/2013 4:47:55 PM
The mid-life crisis was yesterday with the Dad from the suburbs wanting to know why he couldn't get the "hot babes." LOL

I guess we have different perspectives. I live closer to this guy so when I look at his pics, I don't see 'nightlife.' I've done those karaoke nights and trust me, most of the people that go to them are over 30 and 40. It's fun, but nobody's lying on top of the bar while having tequila poured into their mouth. :D
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Passionate Friendship
Posted: 1/30/2013 4:30:55 PM
Sounds like Mr. Wife with Medical Condition has concocted a safe, sympathetic strategy for getting some on the side. My guess is that you would never end up meeting the wife. However, introductions with his mansicle would be forthcoming. :P
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Real world Vs Internet profile, would you still date the same person?
Posted: 1/30/2013 4:20:08 PM
Funny how I was just contemplating two particular women that I became involved with from dating sites. One had a lousy profile and an awful picture (not physically ugly, just photographically speaking). She put me on her favorites which made me laugh because I thought this is not my type. I e-mailed her some snarky remark which then led to her IMing me. This led to an unexpected date that led to spending a lot of time together.

Another was a woman who was out of my specified age range and from another nearby state. I certainly would have never contacted her based on her profile. Besides the age and logistics, I didn't think we had anything in common. She was persistent and motivated though so that brought about communication between us. We ended up dating for some time.

My spin on this is that these are two women who I was not immediately interested in because of their profiles but whom I got to appreciate more as I got to know them. So, sometimes, it's even the ones that you wouldn't want to date from online that you end up dating after all. ;)
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Getting absolutely nowhere, please review and help
Posted: 1/30/2013 2:12:18 PM
Whoaaa Hapworth, slow down there. Sometimes you're right on with your comments, but you're way off on this one. Where do you see 'mid-life crisis'? The guy is only 40 and it's not like he's hanging out with a bunch of teenagers in his pictures. Have you ever been to a karaoke night at a bar? It's not exactly spring break. Nothing crazy going on there. Some of the bars I personally hang out in probably have a median age of 33, so don't make all kinds of generalizations about people in bars based on their age. You wouldn't catch me at a college bar and that's all that matters. I doubt the OP is hitting on Hofstra girls (LI college).

He does have too many pictures of him holding a drink, but that's easily fixable. His main photo needs to be a better lit close-up.

OP, there are a couple of lines that are for sure hurting your profile.


If you are in my favorites, it doesn't necessarily mean you are my "favorite". Just that I want to go back and re-read your profile before I decide to email you. That doesn't mean you can't reach out and contact me first.

That being said, why haven't we met yet?


Women don't need to be lectured about the use of 'favorites' on here. It makes you sound like you're annoyed at them and it's a tad whiny. The other sentence from your First Date section smells of desperation.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 41 (view)
 
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/30/2013 1:22:41 PM

i decided to be friends with benefits with him thinking i would get him back


When women stop looking at men as 'challenges' and 'projects,' they will begin to lead much happier lives.

I want to write this off as just the naivete of a 22 y.o., but this flawed mindset shows up in women of all ages. Some get wiser, others stay in the dark.

Anyway, there's nothing any of us can say that will combat the emotional leash he already has on her. As soon as he comes around and flashes that smile with a twinkle in his eyes, she's going to fall like a house of cards. Let's just hope for her sake that she doesn't move from sex to pregnancy as a way to "get him back." There are enough young, single mothers on POF.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
could someone please review my profile? thx
Posted: 1/29/2013 9:53:25 PM
Were you bombed out of your mind when you wrote your About Me section? It's like you have no filter in your head. A dating profile is not the place to write a ridiculously long, rambling manifesto about your religious beliefs. Not on POF. There are other web sites that cater to people of faith. But, even on those sites, you need to embrace brevity and paragraph breaks. No woman wants to read a giant block of crazy talk.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
please review my profile.
Posted: 1/29/2013 9:08:38 PM
Your profile is fine now, I don't think you should tinker any more with it. More than enough in there to attract a man and give them a conversation starter. This doesn't mean though that you sit on the sidelines. You can also say hello. ;)
 
Show ALL Forums