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Thread: Body of Profile Deleted????
Body of Profile Deleted????
Posted: 6/30/2015 6:15:49 PM
There wasn't anything in my profile that wasn't allowed or broke the rules,
I had variations of the same profile for YEARS.
I had more than one or two paragraphs, I was looking for
replies as opposed to quantity...I don't expect others to understand or even agree
that it's worth spending that much time writing a profile, to each their own.
I wasn't inactive for months, but even if I were I know of some who have been inactive for
and their profiles still say the exact same thing as when they were active.
I did have a copy of my profile saved, but it was on my desktop computer which crashed
and so I am unable to access it. I am baffled as to why it was deleted, I broke no rules,
I wasn't inactive for more than a month or two at a stretch, and no one else had
access to it other than me.
I appreciate the feedback, even those of you who think I may have over-thought and
over written my profile. I received
compliments from other members
who appreciated the time and effort I put in to be clear and concise regarding what I
was and wasn't looking for.
Body of Profile Deleted????
Posted: 6/4/2015 6:51:28 PM
So I haven't been on POF much lately, admittedly. Today I decided I wanted to edit my profile
some, so I click on "Edit Profile" and my "About Me" and "First Date" sections are
. So, thinking this may be some new feature when you click on edit (???), I clicked
"My Profile" so I could view it the way others do...
I didn't do this. I haven't edited my profile in months. What gives??? No one else has access to my
profile so the issue is clearly being caused by something on POF'S end. Does anyone know anything
at all about this??? I put a
of work into my profile and I'm not impressed that I now have to spend
(yes, HOURS) rewriting it.
Any help is greatly appreciated, thanks!!
Blocked user unblocked himself.
Posted: 2/23/2014 5:48:30 PM
This happened to me as well a couple of years back. We were never able to figure out how
the guy in question did it, here's the link to the thread I started on the subject:
Searching by self-confidence settings suggestion.
Posted: 8/9/2013 5:13:34 PM
what if I wanted a girlfriend with low or no self confidence?
Just go to Wal-Mart and buy a door mat, much easier and probably a lot cheaper in
the long run. *rolls eyes*
I wasn't aware of this feature, not sure what difference it will make in the quality of matches
that come up.
Posted: 7/4/2013 11:52:43 PM
I've known this girl for about 7 years now. I told her I had feelings for her about 3 years ago and she said she just cared for me as a friend.
Ah, the plot to so many movies...you know the ones where the best friend suddenly realizes he/she is in love with
their friend and must perform some grand gesture to win their heart before they marry someone else? Everyone
in the audience is pulling for the friend and hopes for a happy ever after...
Yeah, real life isn't like that. The friend is rarely, if ever, chosen and the end result is generally the loss of any
relationship with said friend. She meant what she said 3 years ago darlin', take her at her word and let go of
any thoughts of a romantic relationship with her.
It ain't gonna happen, sorry. O_o
Adding Catfish To Report User Link
Posted: 5/4/2013 2:17:03 PM
It was just an idea, I get the point. And no, I am NOT trying to give the show
For the record, here are the choices when you report a profile:
Where exactly does it say "Fake Pictures/Fraudulent Account" ? Unless I'm blind, I don't see it listed, leaving the only choice as "other". This is what prompted my suggestion which y'all have convinced is lame and stupid.
Point taken, carry on.
Adding "Catfish" To Report User Link
Posted: 5/2/2013 6:26:30 PM
Seeing as "Catfish" has become a universally (?) accepted term for fake profiles/pictures I
think it would be a good idea to add this as a choice when reporting someone's profile.
Last I heard the creators of the movie and television show "Catfish" had petitioned Webster's
to add the term to their dictionary. Whether or not they will be successful is anybody's guess
but the term is well known and the majority of people know what it means when used in reference
to online dating I believe.
Describe your personality in one word
Posted: 2/1/2013 12:50:47 PM
Holy hell people, relax. It's really not that big of a deal.
Interestingly enough, I picked one and updated my headline and while it saved the headline,
the personality does not show up.
I am sad that I lost my fish personality, I chose Jellyfish as my user name is taken from
a song by the band Jellyfish.
Ah well. Life goes on and in the grand scheme of things this doesn't amount to a hill of beans.
ETA: It's showing in my headline now, took about a half hour or so.
Person on Favorites not added by me
Posted: 1/21/2013 9:45:25 PM
Yes, there's two Favourites lists....one where YOU added them and one where THEY added you.
C'mon guys, really? While I appreciate the suggestions I have been here for over 6 years, I know how
the favorites lists work.
He was on MY favorites list, the one where
add people. I didn't add him. What I want to know
is how the hell he got there?
Person on Favorites not added by me
Posted: 1/20/2013 10:31:16 PM
Well yes obviously I've done that.
What I want to know is
how he got there in the first place.
Person on Favorites not added by me
Posted: 1/20/2013 9:47:40 PM
As the title states, I just went into my favorites list and discovered a fellow on there whom
I didn't add. I've never seen the guy before, he lives in the states and I never peruse profiles
from different countries, unless they post in the forums.
Bottom line: I didn't add him. Has anyone else had this happen? Some weird glitch maybe?
There's been some strange goings on around here lately...
*Sorry for the confusion with the thread(s), my internet keeps crashing on me.
whats the craziest reason you were kicked loose?
Posted: 12/17/2012 6:12:46 PM
He said he couldn't be with me because I was TOO attractive. He would always be worried that some other guy would try to steal me away.
Circumventing Being Blocked
Posted: 12/7/2012 8:09:00 AM
As the forum moderator has pointed out, it has been verified that the profile ID numbers are
the same, and he did not delete his profile and create a new one based on the date he joined (mod checked this).
So we currently have no idea how he was able to get around the block unless it's a "perk" of being an Upgraded Member, which would be utterly ridiculous and would likely upset more than a few people, myself included of course.
Hopefully it's just a one time glitch and won't happen again. I do intend to email customer service with the details though I won't hold my breath for a reply.
Thanks to the moderators for all their help as well as those of you who offered possible scenarios here, it is much appreciated.
Circumventing Being Blocked
Posted: 12/5/2012 5:41:09 PM
I can't check his profile id number as I'm using a Wii/wifi.
Not sure where to go from here...the usernames are exactly the same so even giving his name to you wouldn't work as only one profile would come up - correct?
Circumventing Being Blocked
Posted: 12/5/2012 4:57:17 PM
His reply is part of our
conversation thread. Also, when I check my block list he's there, and everything on the blocked profile is EXACTLY the same as the one he emailed me from.
Circumventing Being Blocked
Posted: 12/5/2012 4:11:47 PM
Today I blocked a guy because he was emailing me incessantly.
Within an hour he emailed me and said "I see you found the block button". All my responses to his previous emails were there, his were gone.
WTF?! His profile is exactly the same, username, etc.
What gives POF?
New feature? Contacts - You are most likely to date...
Posted: 12/2/2012 4:45:11 AM
I noticed this feature a few days ago. Haven't met a single person on my list of 223. Another useless yet mildly entertaining feature.
Oh, number 163 on my list is none other than Mr Trappedonbayst.
That alone was worth the price of admission!
Tattoos Button On Profile
Posted: 7/19/2012 3:05:30 PM
While I understand why people would want a means of determining who has tattoos, I feel that putting a "tattoo button" on profiles would be a slippery slope. Where would it stop? Do you own or rent? Do you have piercings? What kind of music do you listen to? There wouldn't be any room for descriptions or photos!
I myself am completely turned off by
tattoos and piercings, and think this would be a GREAT
idea. Big Fish could take away the "Do You Have A Car" or "Pets" and replace it with something that I, and I'm
sure a number of others would find much more useful.
Whether or not a guy rents his home or what kind of music he listens to would have little to no impact on
whether or not I found him
appealing. Call me shallow, but if I'm not attracted on a physical
level I'm NOT going to date him.
I KNOW I couldn't be intimately involved with someone with lots of body "art". This is MY personal preference so please don't bash me, and I mean no offense to those who may fit the description.
I do address it in my profile, and have received only 1 rather nasty email so far. Boggles my mind how random
strangers react to other strangers preferences.
This would be a welcome add in my opinion and much more useful than some others.
body of profle stuck
Posted: 7/19/2012 11:55:45 AM
Could be a browser glitch, I had a similar problem a few months ago
with Firefox, couldn't click any links on the dating side but worked
fine here in the forums.
I simply updated my version of Firefox and everything worked fine after
I told her to try another browser just to see but...
That's how I figured it out, Trapped suggested the same thing to me and
when I tried it in IE it worked fine. Easy fix, IF that's the problem.
If not, I have no idea what else to suggest, sorry!! :(
body of profle stuck
Posted: 7/19/2012 11:37:03 AM
What exactly is happening? Are you changing your "About Me" and when you
click "Update Profile" the changes aren't being saved? The site times out after 15 minutes
so if it's taking you longer than that this is why it isn't saving.
You can either hit your browser's back button, then copy your changes, login and
paste them back in, or type it out in Word or something similar and copy/paste.
If this isn't the issue than ignore my advice and please be more specific, thanks!!
(side note: where's the link for the smilies page? I had it bookmarked but my bookmark
no longer works. Help!!!)
Is she interested or just being polite?
Posted: 6/30/2012 1:28:34 AM
Lordddddd of course it had to be somebody from Oklahoma..i just had to click an see the question an op profile i thought it was a joke an costume at first..but nooo it's for real..
ahhh SOME OF the fine pickens us ladies have to choose from living in this state...
"quickly walks away in the opposite direction"
Please tell me how the above comment is in any way related to the question posed in the OP?
The Opie did not ask for a critique of his wardrobe, or his facial hair. He asked if a woman who
has replied to his emails is genuinely interested in getting to know him better or if she is merely being
polite - something a lot of you apparently don't know how to be. I can see how this would cause
confusion for those of you who chose to instead focus on the Opie's appearance, I doubt many of you
know the definition of "polite".
OT: It's hard to say Opie, what her motivations are for responding to your emails but not asking you
any questions about yourself. Do you ask her a lot of questions in your emails that require well-thought out answers?
It could be that it just doesn't occur to her to pose questions in her replies as she is focusing on answering
the ones you've asked.
You could just outright ask her if she has any questions for you. Have you asked her if she's interested in
meeting yet? Her response would be a good indicator of her interest level, or lack thereof.
Long List of Requirements met in order to message
Posted: 6/25/2012 4:22:56 AM
Younger than 49
Must not have messaged users looking for intimate encounters or sex. (edit)
You must have a picture to contact this user. (edit)
Must not be looking for Other Relationship
Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter
Must not do drugs
Must not be married
These are from my profile. I tried not utilizing an age restriction due to the forums,
this is why I have no distance or gender restrictions. Unfortunately I was getting a lot
of mail from men all the way into their 70's and so added the age cap.
I actually have it set higher than my comfort zone - and this is only because I know a man
IRL who is 48 and I find him extremely attractive and not
for his age. For that
reason I decided it is possible there may be more and so I raised it.
Reality is, I am rarely attracted to men my age, never mind older. Judge me all you want but
this is based on my own experiences with men in that age range being at different stages than
I am. I was older when I had my kids so they are still quite young and I find a lot of men in my
age bracket have kids who are grown and have no desire to deal with young kids again.
Today I received an email from a 47-year-old man who looks at least 65 in his picture. If his age is
correct I question why he looks so much older...and I do not find him even remotely attractive.
Call me shallow (some will), but I KNOW my preferences and so choose to look for someone who
falls within them. I expect nothing less from everyone else on this site.
If a guy viewing my profile decides not to email me because he thinks my list of restrictions
is proof of an overinflated ego, or sense of entitlement, or some huge character flaw(s) that
raises red flags for him, well, all the better. Any guy who would have that kind of knee jerk
reaction and automatically jump to conclusions is definitely not going to be compatible
with me. He just saved us both from wasting our time by removing himself from the equation.
My profile is written to attract like-minded individuals and (hopefully) dissuade and or repel
those who are incompatible. The mail restrictions are just another tool to help achieve this.
Any guy who judges me in a negative light based on my profile content/restrictions is not a guy
I would be interested in dating as we would clearly be incompatible.
Where is the downside to this? Why on earth would I lower my restrictions to attract men I have
no interest in or who are totally incompatible? I see no reasonable logic behind this way of thinking...
Do weddings make you jealous?
Posted: 6/25/2012 3:03:25 AM
I treat weddings the same way I do funerals. I offer my condolences.
Ditto to that!!
And ive felt this way for YEARS.
I always shake my head and say "What are they thinking.........?"
Agreed. Never been jealous, always happy that it's not me standing up there.
It bothers me when people assume I am divorced...I very quickly and
emphatically correct them and let them know that I have never been married.
I am very proud of this fact and definitely don't worry how others perceive
me because of it.
Much rather wear the "never married" label than the "divorced" one. Those who
think there's something wrong with a woman my age having never been married
tend to be the ones who have multiple failed marriages under their belt. I find it
highly amusing that they see me as the one who has a problem with commitment...
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 6/20/2012 11:03:53 AM
Oh this thread makes me laugh. Much ado about nothing.
When a guy tells me I'm hot I accept it as a compliment. Period. I don't analyze his
reasons for telling me why he thinks that. I don't give a damn.
His motivations are completely irrelevant to me - I consider it a compliment, take
it as such, and go on my merry way. Life is far too short to worry about such silly
things. Even if he was being disingenuous and only said it to try and get something
from me. My self-esteem is pretty healthy and I don't jump into bed with every
guy who pays me a random compliment. His words carry no weight unless I attach
weight to them.
What I do do is smile, allow myself to feel good, and say thank-you. My panties don't
fall off cuz some guy thinks I'm hot. That would just be sad.
Everyone's different I guess. What's perfectly fine to one can be horribly offensive to another.
Bottom line is that it doesn't matter who thinks I'm hot, what matters is how I feel about myself.
No compliment in the world is going to change that. Neither will any insults. They're just
Sex every day.
Posted: 6/20/2012 12:23:05 AM
You should have sex whenever you and you partner want to have sex, not shoot for quantity.
I once asked my ex if he would prefer really great sex once or twice a week or mundane sex everyday. Guess which
one he picked? ;^)
Ideally I would love to have great sex every damn day, if not 2 or 3 times a day. Life often gets in the way. It's not about how often you do it, it's about the act itself and the sexual satisfaction of those involved. You are far too hung up on the amount, your focus should be on pleasuring your partner and as a result, yourself.
Great sex doesn't just happen, it takes practice. Lighten up and enjoy yourself Opie!!
Too emotionally damaged to trust men?
Posted: 6/20/2012 12:10:46 AM
First off, I am sorry that you've had those terrible experiences. What doesn't kill ya makes you stronger ,
or some such sh*t.
Opie, I'm going to say something you don't want to hear. I'm going to tell you what it took me 6 long years
of playing the victim/being a victim/using it as an excuse finally taught me.
You're only a victim if you allow yourself to be. Wallowing in self-pity and grabbing the "victim" excuse
every time things get a little too hard, or real, or honest is a cop out and you're better than that. So stop
pulling the familiar cloak of fear and misery around you instead of dealing with what you're
It's clear to me that you have not dealt with the repercussions of your previous relationships. You have no idea how they really affected you because you turn a blind eye, pull on the cloak, and slide into the next one. When it fails (and it is inevitable that it will unless YOU change) you once again wrap the victim cloak around yourself,
never taking responsibility for how your actions contributed to the demise of yet another relationship
Opie, the only damn thing you need to do is figure out the best way for you (therapy, a friend, on your own, whatever) to take ownership of your part in every single bad relationship/experience that's happened, DEAL with it (this will NOT happen overnight!), and figure out who the hell you are. Cause girl, you don't have a clue. You haven't really dealt with anything that's happened to you, you just pile the latest one onto your victim cloak and bear your burden.
I'm gonna yell a bit now:
TAKE OFF THE DAMN CLOAK!
It's gonna hurt like hell for awhile but you will never regret it. The only one victimizing you is
I don't say this to hurt you. I say this because in many ways I am YOU. And I am pissed off that I spent so long
wallowing and carrying my cross of shame instead of waking the hell up and dealing with it. I'm not a f*cking victim
anymore, and I accept that I allowed myself to be treated that way. No matter what he did to me, it was my acceptance of the victim role that gave him all his power.
I hope you take what I've said seriously Opie. As great as this guy may be, it won't work. None will until you face yourself and move on. You know that's true.
When the man moves fast and furious....
Posted: 6/19/2012 8:30:22 PM
Have you had the experience of a guy moving fast, showing intense interest. Beginning with text quickly moving to calling, wanting to go out, and
making statements to have
think he's serious
What kind of statements is he making that you are interpreting as him being "serious"? We need more info Opie..
Couple of weeks ago I received an email. When I checked his profile (BEFORE I read the email - I always do) as soon as I saw his picture something weird happened in my stomach. I cannot put it into to words cuz it's never happened
before, and I am not the kind of girl who swoons when she sees a cute guy - especially here.
Read the email, best first email I've ever received (been here SIX frickin' years!!). I replied, he replied, I replied, he gave me his phone number...and *I* called him. I NEVER call anyone first. Like, never.
We talked, it was great. The next day I sent him a text and he invited me for lunch for the following afternoon. Are you following this? Timeline: first email - phone - text - lunch date = TWO DAYS.
I've gone over three YEARS without meeting anyone from here. Two days?!
So we had lunch, he was great, he said he wanted to see me again but didn't put me on the spot - told me to think about it.
I text him when I got home. :)
BUT...that was two weeks ago. Two days after we met he had to go out of town on business (he had told me about this in our phone convo). He JUST got back around 10 last night. We have not seen each other since the day we met for lunch.
He did however call me every evening while he was away. We talked for hours about everything and nothing. It's been really cool and a first for me. Don't know yet when we'll see each other, the anticipation isn't killing me - rather I am savoring it and allowing it to build slowly and naturally. I haven't been this interested in a man in years - if ever.
My natural response is to turn tail and run. Normally I would have written a guy off the second he left town. And if he called me every damn night I'd not only block his number, I'd have my 6'4, 330lb baby brother stop by and say hi...
Maybe not quite that extreme, but it wouldn't have gone anywhere. By my choice. I think as we get older the list of "deal-breaker's" gets longer and more ridiculous. Y'all know what I'm talking about - the guy who said he'd call at a certain time but was a few hours late - gone! The guy who looked oh-so-cute in his pictures who took his cap off and any illusions you had of running your fingers through his thick hair - gone! The one who did nothing-you-can-quite-put-your-finger-on-but-you-know-he's-wrong - GONE!!! He tries too hard, he doesn't try hard enough, he's too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny, too bald or too hairy, he smells, he's cheap, he's crude, he's too sweet. He asks how your day was and then listens to your reply -
He forgets to ask about your day -
That was me. Sounds like it might be you Opie. Bottom line: if it feels like it's too fast for you and you're uncomfortable there's your answer. You don't need ours. Because if it felt
to you, you wouldn't be here asking these questions. Am I right?
What happened, did the relationship work out? In your experience was it real?
Time will tell. I can tell you one thing - for the first time in years I can't bloody wait to find out, no matter what
as it gets. =)))
ATTENTION USERS: Help Name The Official POF Blog!!
Posted: 6/19/2012 6:32:53 PM
Across the Pond
Alpha & Betta
I reported it but apparently its still there
Posted: 6/19/2012 5:26:24 PM
Cowboy, our Fearless Leader has several times old us that the images presented are people SIMILAR TO those with messages in your mailbox. In particular, he first started by telling us that we'd be seeing images of people in the same age range as those in our mailbox; I expect he's expanded that further.
Earlier this spring, I started a thread about getting presented with only male images: at the time, I had no new messages in my mailbox from women- only one from a guy I knew and a few event notices from men. A couple of other users said they'd had the same experience. When three women sent me messages as a result, the genders flipped immediately.
For months now all I see for thumbnails is women. I often see my own picture up there as well. I have received
email from a woman (fellow forumite) in the last 2 or 3 years and that was months ago now. I have been receiving a lot of emails from men however, but it has no effect whatsoever on the thumbnails. ALL pretty ladies.
Theory doesn't hold in my case.
Posted: 6/15/2012 12:56:00 PM
I've been having trouble logging in to the
side off and on all day,
just wondering if others are having the same problem?
The forum side has been fine. Have any of the mods heard of any server issues
happening today, or is it just my connection?
Any help would be appreciated!!
Viewed me section has been wiped again!
Posted: 6/11/2012 6:00:14 PM
Interesting that all the replies are male.
Mine is wiped - second time for me as well. And I am
Does anyone know the reasoning behind the 'Viewed Me' wipe?
Viewed Me and Last 30 I Viewed
Posted: 5/31/2012 7:32:26 AM
Apparently only 4 people have viewed me recently...
Is this a glitch is "Viewed Me" going pay-for-use again?
can a woman get spoiled by a BIG penis???
Posted: 5/23/2012 5:01:14 PM
I have dated more than my fair share of big di...oops, I mean men with big d*cks and after the last one,
I came to the conclusion that I don't really like 'em big. When I was 21 I dated a 33-year-old (I shudder to
think of it now, but at the time I was flattered) and no shit, he was 11.5 oh-my-god-you're-splitting-me-in-half-what-the-hell-did-you-just-stick-in-me!! inches. There was NO way he could even come close to full penetration and the sex just wasn't very good.
My last boyfriend was around 9 or 9.5 I guess. I gotta say that other than the fact he kinda sucked in bed, the
added bonus that it HURT LIKE HELL wasn't a big turn on for me.
So yes, for me, size does matter - if you've got a big d*ck you ain't coming anywhere near my vayjayjay. I guess
like men we come in all shapes and sizes. Mine is kinda small...I may have had two kids but I sure didn't stretch.
If you've ever had a man's penis ram against your cervix you'll totally understand why I don't want no
pythons knockin on my door.
A nice solid 7 - 7.5 is perfect in my opinion. Even 6 is fine, I've never had any trouble feeling it. Now if he
sucks in bed, all bets are off. Might as well pull Bob out of the drawer. (ha, I recently purchased a new Bob -
it's very realistic looking and I got the 7.5". Sigh, it's too BIG!! It never gets soft so unlike a man I can't even
sneak him in there before he's at full mast.) :(
I may be the only woman that will reject a guy for having too BIG of a penis...I know a few I would love too just
to take their ego down a notch...of course it would be MY fault, and I guaran-damn-tee the word "frigid"
would be used. I have to figure out a subtle way of finding out size early on without asking him - we all know
guys tend to be less than honest about it on occasion. Any suggestions? ;^)
Lied on profile photo obligated to stay?
Posted: 5/22/2012 10:40:03 AM
I've never met someone who
misrepresented themselves so I'm not sure
what I would do...I've met some who looked different from their pictures because of
the angles (profile shots), or because they had a ball cap on or the picture wasn't very
Only one of those looked so different from
what I expected
that I was
disappointed because I didn't find him attractive at all, and to top it off our personalities
clashed instantly. I stayed for a quick drink but avoided looking directly at him
and made my escape as soon as possible.
Another time I met a guy through a different site and he had no photos posted so we
described ourselves in the initial emails (I NEVER lie about what I look like, I tell them
the basics (height, weight, hair/eye color etc) and leave it at that) and eventually exchanged
photos. Just before we were due to meet he went on webcam to show me what he looked
like. He looked like his pictures and so I felt confident meeting him.
We agreed to meet at a park, in the parking lot by our vehicles before going for a walk. When I
pulled in he was already there, parked a ways down from me. I got out of my car and began
walking toward him, he did the same. I remember thinking "Something's wrong, he looks like
his pic but..." and as we reached one another I realized what it was...and hoped to hell my shock
and disappointment didn't show as we said hello.
We stood there face to face, me at 5'9", he at
5'2". I wracked my brain while we
made small talk and realized that he had never told me how tall he was (wasn't!!). I had told
him my height of course but didn't notice that he hadn't mentioned his. So he didn't lie about it,
he just omitted it completely. Because of this I carried on with the meet and we did discuss it
after awhile. He said he didn't tell me because he knew I wouldn't have met him and
he wanted a shot at winning me over with his personality.
I did really like him and he was a lot of fun to be around, we talked for over an hour while sitting
on some rocks on the riverbank. He told me he found me very attractive and wanted to see me
again. I tried, I really did, to look past the height difference and focus on the things I liked...but
when we stood side by side I felt like he was one of my kids. I felt like a freakin amazon next to
him and I hate feeling that way. When he tried to kiss me unexpectedly while we were walking
I burst out laughing before I could stop myself, feeling like a b*tch at the same time...
The fact that he couldn't even reach my chin not only ruined his "surprise" romantic gesture, it
struck me as hysterically funny and I reacted without thinking. I immediately felt bad and
came up with a lame excuse (nervous) while apologizing. I suspect he knew but he went along with it.
We went out a couple more times but it never went anywhere. I stepped way outside my comfort
zone because I genuinely liked him but I knew it would always bother me. If it hadn't been such an extreme
difference it wouldn't have been such a big deal, I've dated guys who have been shorter than me more
than once. But this one, I felt like I was his mother and had to protect him when he stood next to me.
No way I could get past that one.
Misrepresenting yourself either directly (lying outright) or indirectly (omission) online is never a good
idea. I would rather be rejected on my own merits (or lack-of) than face someone I had intentionally
misled in the hopes they would like the "real" me and overlook it. I would never be able to go through
Apologies for the long post, happy fishing!!
My latest dating experience (was I wrong?)
Posted: 5/21/2012 12:03:33 PM
Was I wrong?
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 5/21/2012 11:27:27 AM
I agree. I sometimes see pictures on women's profiles that I find simply breathtaking, but after reading these forums, am reluctant to mention that in any message I send.
There's no way to tell who is going to be offended and who won't, so I'm guessing that like me, a lot of guys will adjust their messaging to accommodate the most easily offended women.
While I understand this in theory, wouldn't it be a good thing to find out right away that she is easily offended
and jumps to conclusions? Wouldn't that in effect tell you that you are not a match?
If a man emails and compliments a woman on her smile, or her eyes, or says he thinks she's beautiful and
she immediately becomes defensive and suspicious, isn't she doing you guys a favor by eliminating herself as a
Find the one that knows how to
accept a compliment and stop trying to change to please the over-analytical of every bloody thing, he's only saying that to get laid crowd. Nothing you say or do will ever
be above suspicion and the odds of sex being used as a control tactic are pretty damn guaranteed.
I am very grateful that I don't date women after I read threads like this one. It sounds bloody exhausting!!
Can women REALLY get laid whenever they want?
Posted: 5/20/2012 10:41:23 PM
Women control the gates to heaven and are the gatekeepers...sex only happens if they say so.
I see post after post of men going on and on about how women have all the power and men only get laid
if they settle for women they don't find attractive. Women can go out anytime they want and find a willing
partner but men have to beg borrow and plead to even be in the running.
Women have the power because men
give it to them
It's simple supply and demand: the higher the demand the higher the cost becomes. The supplier knows there's a demand for what they are offering and they also know that they can charge whatever the hell they want because the buyer will pay it.
The solution is simple but I doubt it will ever change. Men need to refuse to give women this power over them.
A woman can try and use sex as a weapon against a man but if he refuses to go along with it he renders her power
I can't use sex to get what I want from a guy unless he lets me. If he doesn't give me that power the dynamic
changes and we both have equal standing. It really is that simple. Sex isn't a necessity like food and water but men place a similar value on it, thus justifying the lengths they will go to get it. Control your libido and stop letting it control you.
Blond adonis- Is he flirting with me?
Posted: 5/20/2012 8:59:05 PM
I was feeling rather disgusted and disappointed as I read post after post slamming the
Opie and her admirer until I came upon this one:
Wow. A good looking man flirts with someone and he's a player, got game, and blah blah blah. You people judge much? What's he supposed to do if he's interested in someone? Flirting is only for us average folk? Good looking people are all evil and have hidden agendas when they flirt?
Excellent posts by both Dmaj7 and RedDelPaPa.
Damn but you all are a cynical bunch!! Not everyone has ulterior motives, sometimes flirting is just
flirting. It's fun and harmless when reciprocated and makes you feel good...what the hell is wrong with
that? If you constantly look for the worst that is exactly what you're going to find.
Opie, it sounds like you are enjoying the attention and I see nothing wrong with that. I will say that while I understand
where you're coming from when you say "but he's an adonis and I'm just ok", I would advise that you work on
your self-image and confidence. He seems to find you attractive, don't devalue yourself as others will
pick up on it and do the same. Not so easy I know, but keep it in the back of your mind and try to correct
it before you let yourself go there.
And most importantly, HAVE FUN!! ;^)
Nipples or No Nipples, That is the Question
Posted: 5/20/2012 6:02:48 PM
First off I just want to say I admire your strength and courage
and congratulations on beating the cancer. You are a true inspiration.
Nipples...as I was reading the different responses and the information posted
in regards to the different types of breast replacements and such all I could think
about was how I would feel if it were me. Of course I can't possibly relate to what
you've gone through and so my opinion is based solely on how I feel about my
My nipples have always been sensitive but I've noticed in the last 4 or so years that
their sensitivity has increased substantially. I've always had rather small breasts
but after I got an IUD a couple of years ago they actually grew a fair amount as a
side effect. AND...my nipples became
even more sensitive
I can't imagine not having them...they are such a huge erogenous zone for me and
just a slight touch by a man takes me from 0 to 60 instantly. Another poster mentioned
bringing women to orgasm through nipple stimulation alone and although I haven't
quite gotten there, I have come very close and don't doubt that I could.
Sorry if I'm sharing too much information, these are the thoughts that were running
through my head while pondering your question. I love my nipples (shamelessly) and
the thought of losing them is somewhat terrifying. If that makes me shallow then I plead
guilty...they're just such an essential part of my overall enjoyment of foreplay and sex.
In your position I honestly don't know what choice I would make as any nipples added
would be for "decorative" purposes, yes? I must plead ignorance - can they attach a nipple
that has at least some feeling? I had no idea that women who have undergone breast
reconstruction didn't have nipples for the most part. I just assumed there was one...
The only advice I can offer is for you to choose the best option for YOU. The man you
decide to share your story and bed with won't care one bit, he will be there because he
wants the entire package. You'll know him when the time is right. ;^)
Kudos Opie, I have been a fan of your forum posts for many years and I'm glad to hear
you won't be going anywhere anytime soon. Best wishes as you carry on your journey.
Boyfriend is 27 Years Old His Grandma Grounds him
Posted: 5/20/2012 1:29:23 PM
welcome to the new generation of adults in the u.s.
What worries me more is that you are talking about the grandma which blows my mind. You should be worried on how you are attracted to a 27 year old that still hasnt' grown up and cant' take care of himself.
both of you have some growing up to do. The grandma is probably so sick of you and him that she can't stand it. Do you think she wants to have you two around?
I think the grandma should get a medal. In my family he would have had his ass out of the house a long time ago.
The children are our future? whatever
It boggles my mind how many kids are staying at home well into their twenties and even thirties. I couldn't wait to
move out on my own and did so as soon as I turned 18. I also didn't have parents that paid for my education or
bought me a car or every other frickin thing I wanted. What they did do was instill a strong work ethic and the
ability to take care of myself. Those are two of the greatest gifts a parent can give a child and I'm very thankful
that mine did.
Our world has changed, and values such as those just don't seem to matter anymore. We live in an instant
gratification society based on materialistic desires. Taking the time to teach your kids the important lessons
in life has been replaced by gadgets and technology. It's far easier to go to google for advice than your parents.
And you can pick the answer you like the best!! How frickin' sweet is that?
I do not have high hopes for the future of our society. The world my children are going to inherit scares the
sh*t out of me. I can only hope when it comes right down to it they value the lessons I taught over google. Then
they'll be just fine.
Padded Bras??? And Why Do You Wear Them???
Posted: 5/20/2012 12:37:01 PM
The only time I wear a padded bra is when I'm wearing something that
shows cleavage. Without the bra I have a very small amount of cleavage,
I much prefer the look the padded bra provides. I don't wear ones that make
my breasts look larger however, just the ones that make the boobs I have
stand up and say "Look at me!!" ;^)
Under a thin t-shirt I always wear a very slightly all-over padded bra that shows
no lines through. This is personal preference, I like the smooth, clean look
It's like panty lines - detest them. I don't even own regular panties because of
my phobia, I only ever wear a thong or nothing. Guess I like smooth, clean lines.
Hey if it makes you feel good about yourself wear whatever the hell you want. If a
man I was dating was so disappointed to find out I was wearing a padded bra that
he stopped seeing me then what have I lost? He's dating me, not my boobs. It's part
of the package yes, but if he places that much importance on it we are definitely not a
Some will play the deception card - "If she misrepresents the size of her boobs what else
is she lying about?" Give me a break. Enhancing the look of your bustline and lying are
not synonymous. In case you haven't noticed we women do a lot of things to make
ourselves more appealing to the opposite (or same, whatever) sex. Makeup; hair color;
waxing; threading; tinting; shaving; plucking; dieting; yada yada yada. A lot more
men are getting into this area as well. When does it cross the line between grooming and outright misrepresentation?
Personal preference I guess. I just think a padded bra being a deal breaker is pushing it a
little too far...
I am paying for it now....
Posted: 5/20/2012 12:02:11 AM
Wow, what a convoluted opening post!! I am the only one that kept trying to
figure out what the Opie was asking advice for? I am so grateful to the fishies
in the pond for filling in some blanks.
OT: Opie, you mention you have been widowed for two years and dating Paul Newman*
for a year and a half...may I ask when you took the time to grieve and deal with your loss?
Jumping into a relationship SIX months after you lose your husband is very unhealthy
and speaks volumes about you. I suspect being without a man terrifies you and so you
become attached far too quickly and wind up sabotaging the relationship with your
insecurities and neediness.
My intent is not to insult you though I imagine you are taking it that way. You need to take
the time to grieve, heal, and most importantly figure out who you are and be at peace with
that person before you can even hope for a relationship with someone else. Otherwise you
are dooming it before it even begins.
Good luck Opie, I hope you take the time to rediscover yourself and are happy with what
*not Paul Newman the actor, his doppelganger as stated by the Opie*
Posted: 5/19/2012 7:18:19 PM
Opie, you HAVE to get away from this guy. It won't get better, in fact, it will get a LOT worse. He will use every
trick he can to try and guilt/scare you into staying and it could escalate into violence. Has he ever been physically
violent toward you? I am afraid for you Opie, please get away from this man as soon as you can do so
Call the police if you feel like you're in danger and they will help you.
My children's father sounds a lot like your boyfriend. I won't post every detail but for EIGHT years I lived a
life of hell and almost constant fear. He told me if I tried to leave he would kill me...one night he woke me up
and he had a .22 pointed in my face. He was drunk and ranting about something, and while I was silent and
tried not to even breathe in case it triggered his anger he would trigger it himself and he fired a couple of rounds
into the ceiling above my head. I have only experienced blind terror one other time, and that was the night I took
the kids and RAN. But before I managed to get us out I called 911. He had a 30.06 and told our son he was going to
kill me and then himself. The 911 operator heard my son when he told me, she was begging me to get out of the
So we got out, went to the police station in town (we lived on a farm) and they spent 5 hours bringing in SWAT
teams from 5 surrounding cities to take him down. They used a battering ram and took him without incident - he
was passed out on the couch. They held him in jail for 6 weeks and during that time I went back and packed up all our
I won't tell you it was easy Opie, it was the hardest and most terrifying thing I've ever done. As soon as I dialed
that number - 911 - I knew my life would never be the same. It was the best decision I ever made but at the time
all I wanted to do was hang up. Thank God I didn't.
I discovered an astounding thing in the months that followed, something I wish I had known years before. When I finally reached out for help and told my story I was touched and utterly shocked by the responses I received.
So many people/agencies/friends and family helped me to deal with it and all of them were tremendously supportive
and never made me feel as though it were my fault. I could finally let go of the guilt and the overwhelming shame
and start over with my kids. It was hard, it's still hard, but it was the BEST decision I ever made.
My reason for sharing this with you Opie is to give you an idea of where it can go...the abuse gradually gets
worse and worse until one day you wake up and ask yourself how you ended up living that life. Don't let
that happen to you Opie, get the hell away from him now and don't ever look back. Go to the police and tell
them what he said about killing his ex and you, they'll pick him up and maybe he'll get the help he needs.
Regardless of what happens to him you cannot stay.
It will NEVER get better. GET OUT NOW.
Good luck Opie, I truly hope you extricate yourself from him and go on to live a long happy life.
Ever receive hate mail out of the blue?
Posted: 5/18/2012 8:15:33 PM
I'm not sure this qualifies as "hate" mail, but I received this one just today (interestingly enough it was shortly after I edited my profile and added the bit about not liking lots of tatts or facial piercings-yup, he has lots of tatts):
*Identity withheld to protect those who forget to THINK before they type*
Holy. Just a bit of advice. Don't make your profile so long. No one wants to read a novel. I ain't your type, and I doubt you're mine. So, I just had to tell you. Waaaaaaaaay to long.
Wow, thanks SO much for the unsolicited advice darlin'. While I will certainly take your recommendation under advisement the fact that I receive emails complimenting me on my profile every day sort-of blows your theory out of the water.
But hey, thanks sooooo much for stopping by!! Have a SUPER evening!
Haven't heard back from him, don't expect too as I highly doubt he gets sarcasm. Or dates...
He did make me laugh because his email was just so completely pointless and random.
I f*cking love POF, you can't BUY entertainment like this!!
Psssst, Big Fish, bring back the smilies PLEASE!!!!
Atheism is a religion
Posted: 5/13/2012 2:10:12 PM
I am an atheist. Atheism is NOT a religion. It is defined as
a lack of belief
in a deity or deities
. Please do some research and educate yourself Opie, calling yourself an atheist but not knowing what it actually means is akin to those calling themselves Christians who break every commandment and then some.
ATHEISM IS NOT A RELIGION
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 4/24/2012 11:55:08 AM
One of my favorite quotes:
“I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.” Stephen Roberts
If you can think of a narrower, stricter, definition of atheist than the first one, let me know.
I don't understand your need for a "narrower" or "stricter" definition of atheism/atheist. It means what it means, a lack of belief in a deity or deities. Disbelief, pure and simple. If there is a name for someone who can say with utter certainty that no God exists (and of course no one can, this would make them very similar to those who believe - believing in something which cannot be proven nor dis-proven.) I don't know what it is, but it isn't atheist under it's most basic definition.
Seeking Opinions: Long Story Within, Be Prepared
Posted: 4/23/2012 8:31:21 PM
All women are crazy to some degree. It's just a matter of what amount of crazy are we men, with our logic and reason, willing to deal with? For me, the amount of crazy I am willing to deal with is directly proportional to how attractive the woman is and how sexual the woman is.
Will I get over her? I truly hope so. But the only way I ever will is I find a woman of equal or better value as soon as possible.
I'm not about to lie or pretend. I crave the attention and emotional bliss of a mutual loving relationship. As do we all to some degree. For me though, it is essential to me feeling normal. It is vital to me having any form of value or self worth as a human being. And no matter how much anyone will try to tell me otherwise I contend that this is how I feel about it and I shouldn't have to change that form of reasoning just because so many others think it's wrong. All of us have something we need to feel normal. Something we crave and need in our lives. For most it's personal success, or wealth, or accomplishment. For me it is love. It is having a woman desired by others but who only wants me. It's no different than the things everyone else strives for. It's what I came to POF for. To find a woman of equal or better value than Rita (that's her name, btw) who will rescue me from this torture by eventually falling in love with me and filling that emotional hole I have carried around my entire life.
Equal or better value. That's the key. I aimed for the stars and I got it. Successful business owner. Very attractive (at least an 8 on a 1-10 scale). A monster in bed and the best blowjobs I have ever experienced. It's going to be hard to top that.
Opie...STOP. You are making yourself look like an utter ass now. Get professional help for your insecurities and your obsession with having a trophy girlfriend. If you can't feel complete and successful without some arm candy to show off you have some SERIOUS issues. Get off this thread and find someone to help you work through them.
Do you tell?
Posted: 4/23/2012 5:09:36 PM
Good god no. First, it's NONE of your business. Secondly, your statement:
"I'm pretty sure it's him.."
So, you're willing to risk causing a whole $hitload of drama based on a "pretty sure"? Oh hell no Opie,
mind your own business and leave them to theirs. I realize you
you have the acquaintances best
wishes at heart, but you don't. A friend would never risk breaking up a family over a "pretty sure".
As for the holier-than-thou-the sisters-need-to-stick-together club, get off your damn moral high horses
and mind your own business. Others private personal lives are NONE of your business. Tend your own weeds and allow others to tend theirs.
Atheism and Dating
Posted: 4/22/2012 11:20:08 PM
Sorta. Actually it’s the lack or absence of belief in any god. And that’s a small but important difference.
Atheist is like the word "Light" in that it has many possible meanings and it needs strict context to make its meaning clear.
The narrowest, strictest, hardest definition of atheism is what I said. It is the belief that there is no god.
The broadest definition is anyone who doesnt believe in any specific god. This definition includes everyone from someone's point of view. Using this definition, then every Christian is an atheist from a Hindu point of view.
You want to choose a meaning for that term which confuses it with agnostic. That use is linguistically correct, but entirely confusing without some qualification.
disagree, Atheism means non-belief. While someone who makes the statement "There is
no God" most certainly may call themselves an Atheist, this does not mean that is the definition of atheism. It is simply how they identify themselves.
This article explains the differences between atheism and agnosticism very well. I will post the link at the bottom:
Am I agnostic or atheist?
Submitted by Sapient on August 17, 2006 - 3:38am.
The definitions from the Oxford English Dictionary.
Oxford English Dictionary, Second Edition
Here is how the OED defines atheism:
atheism Disbelief in, or denial of, the existence of a god.
disbelieve 1. trans. Not to believe or credit; to refuse credence to: a. a statement or (alleged) fact: To reject the truth or reality of.
To contradict or gainsay (anything stated or alleged); to declare to be untrue or untenable, or not what it is stated to be.
Logic. The opposite of affirm; to assert the contradictory of (a proposition).
To refuse to admit the truth of (a doctrine or tenet); to reject as untrue or unfounded; the opposite of assert or maintain.
To refuse to recognize or acknowledge (a person or thing) as having a certain character or certain claims; to disown, disavow, repudiate, renounce.
Note that the OED definition covers the whole spectrum of atheist belief, from weak atheism (those who do not believe in or credit the existence of one or more gods) to strong atheism (those who assert the contrary position, that a god does not exist).
Here is the OED's definition of 'agnostic':
agnostic A. sb. One who holds that the existence of anything beyond and behind material phenomena is unknown and (so far as can be judged) unknowable, and especially that a First Cause and an unseen world are subjects of which we know nothing.
Webster's 3rd New International Dictionary Unabridged
Here is Webster's definition of atheism:
atheism n 1 a: disbelief in the existence of God or any other deity b: the doctrine that there is neither god nor any other deity--compare AGNOSTICISM 2: godlessness esp. in conduct
disbelief n: the act of disbelieving : mental refusal to accept (as a statement or proposition) as true
disbelieve vb vt : to hold not to be true or real : reject or withold belief in vi : to withold or reject belief
Note that again, both strong (1b) and weak (1a) atheism are included in the definition.
A good deal of people consider themselves to be 'agnostics'. By this they mean to identify themselves as doubters on the question of a 'god's' existence. They usually hold to this position of doubt because reason compels them to doubt the existence of any 'god', yet they resist calling themselves atheists because they also want to hold to their disbelief tentatively. Their expressed reason for this is clear: while their reason leads them to doubt the claims of theism, reason also demands that they keep an open mind on the question of 'god'. If you are one such person then it might interest you to know that your doubt actually makes you an atheist, not an agnostic. Why is this so? Because the word 'theism' simply implies a belief in a god. Therefore, if you find yourself identifying yourself primarily as a doubter of the existence of a 'god', then you are an a-theist... someone who does not hold to a belief in a 'god', someone who does not accept the claims of theists. That's all the term means - a position of non acceptance, a position of non belief.
It is the fallback position, the position one holds to when a claim is unsupported or unproven. Yet, you might feel that the word 'atheist' still implies more than what you actually hold to. A common response to hearing that one is an 'atheist' is to say: "But I don't disbelieve, I just don't believe!" But take a look at those words carefully: if you literally "don't disbelieve" - then, by double negation, you'd believe! Not disbelieving is believing. But you are not identifying yourself as a theist with doubts, right? You're identifying yourself as a doubter... period. That is atheism.
But you still seek some sort of middle ground, right? Something between theism and rejection of theism. Well relax, because the atheism IS your middle ground. "A-theism"' implies everything that a rational doubter means when he declares himself an 'agnostic', for while it's a common misperception that atheism implies a denial or rejection or active disbelief in the very possibility of a god, this is not so. In fact, we require a special term for those those who hold to such beliefs: "Strong Atheism". The rest of us doubters simply don't hold the belief... we're all atheists, whether we are doubters or outright rejectors of theism. So the missing 'middle ground' that you are looking for, rational tentativeness, is already included within the term 'atheism'.
So what does the word "agnostic" actually mean and how ought we use it? Notice the 'a' in front. 'Agnosticism' is a position counter to gnosticism. And what is gnosticism? It's the belief that a human being can possess knowledge about a god. It's an epistemological term - about the possibility of knowledge in regard to 'god' claims - and not a statement about matters of belief. 'Agnostics' hold to the epistemological position that human beings can't actually know anything about something beyond nature, something theists call 'supernatural'. So they believe that there's no way for a human to know anything about a 'god'. But there are many theists who agree!
Theists can be be agnostics! In fact, many theists say that they hold to their god belief on faith because they agree that we humans can't know things about the supernatural, or 'god'. Some very famous theologians have agreed that man is limited and that this means that man cannot have 'god knowledge". The list of theologians would include people like Martin Luther or Soren Kierkegaard. So when one says that they are an 'agnostic' and they mean a 'doubter', they are really saying that they are agnostic atheists. So if you find that this describes your own 'agnosticism', welcome to atheism!
I do not have a problem with people who believe in (a) God. I do however have a problem with people who
profess a belief in (a) God
without ever questioning WHY they believe.
The ones who were brought up
going to church every Sunday and accepting everything they were taught there without ever questioning it.
"Mom and Dad say that there's a God, therefore God exists."
I was once one of them, until I reached an age (late teens) where I began to question the validity of that claim. Once I
began to investigate and educate myself I found it very difficult to maintain any belief. Even so, in my late 30's I decided to seriously undertake a "spiritual" journey and immerse myself in religion to see if perhaps I had been too hasty...after almost 6 months I had to stop. My heart wanted so to believe, but my mind just wouldn't let it. I could not be true to myself and profess a belief in God.
I respect those who have the courage of their convictions and can back up their beliefs. Because the bible tells me so just doesn't cut it.
New look of the site (April 20th 2012)
Posted: 4/22/2012 8:36:54 PM
Don't like the new colors it seems like I'm on facebook I actually get enough of the fb format let's go back to green its much more comforting I don't wanna be on two blue and white social sites
Green? When was it green?
I didn't even notice...POF has always been varying shades of blue and white. I do see a
mild change now that I looked, but nothing dramatic. Facebook is a slightly darker
shade of blue.
POF is blue because it's a pond. I would guess this is why Big Fish stays within the
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