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 Author Thread: Prejudice versus short men online dating.
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 287 (view)
 
Prejudice versus short men online dating.
Posted: 4/18/2018 10:39:32 AM

It's not uncomfortable. They prefer fat women because they're easier.


Where is the data on this?

I can attest to the fact that having sex with slim people is uncomfortable, because I've tried it, being slim myself and at my current weight. That's why I do not prefer it. They may be able to do things that others can't, because they are lighter, but it's overall uncomfortable for me. I've heard the same from men (whom I have not dated, so not trying to impress me).

It took a lot of meals to get to my current weight, and I didn't pay for 85% of it between the last two boyfriends who enjoyed feeding me. Neither can say I was easy, but they can both agree that it was expensive.

Don't believe everything you hear
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 284 (view)
 
Prejudice versus short men online dating.
Posted: 4/17/2018 8:19:57 PM
oh f*ck stats!

Here's real data:

1. Me: 5'3 slim (at 19 years), him 6'0, about 300 pounds if not close to it, were together for 8.5 years. Over the years I got bigger, he got slimmer (he had to lose weight to prepare for knee replacement), lol.

2. Me: 5'3 about just as heavy as now (31), him 5'9-5'10, slim. We were together for about 2 years, lived in the same home.

So all this noise about a woman being at a disadvantage due to her weight, is fictitious. Weight can be lost, but there ain't a damn thing one can do about becoming taller. It's about key and lock matching up. My ex boyfriend was looking for someone exactly like myself (physically), not something resembling a 12 year old girl or someone in need of food sponsorship. In fact, he encouraged me to eat, and would get worried if too much time went by and I wasn't eating or eating enough.

I've also heard from men that having sex with slimmer women is uncomfortable, so they prefer more "cushion for the pushin'". But then again, I also know of men who rather someone resembling a "save the children" ad, so there's a taste for that too.

There are also men who are "chubby chasers"

I wouldn't be offended if the site made it so that I'd have enter my weight. I'm well distributed, lol, no complaints here.
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 10 (view)
 
POF Requlars of 10+ years, a question for you...
Posted: 4/17/2018 7:58:59 PM
Ever think that honey attracts for bees than vinegar ever has?
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Attractive Qualities
Posted: 4/17/2018 7:56:56 PM
have a sense of humor, non-judgmental, can deal with sudden changes (aka life), can or is willing to learn how to dance, is friendly or can act as such (in the case of introverts), isn't afraid to take risks, can commit to something (tattoos, care of children, maintain an apt/house, job), has sympathy for others, is someone who may be short on words but when he speaks he releases a "gem", has his own opinions and not of the general public, understands what is important in life (aka what is real vs illusions like social media and the latest trend).
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Forum Wisdom?
Posted: 4/16/2018 7:21:53 PM

In the forums everything's a big deal. Everything! How you dress, who pays, where you meet/how you get there, text or phone, what constitutes a date/relationship and on and on.
While dating I didn't really experience any of this and reading all this may have scared me off OLD.
Some wisdom in here, some disappointed people, some naive people, just like in real life.


+1
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Not having much luck here? Maybe BICitis is to blame.
Posted: 4/14/2018 10:34:55 AM

On many profiles people will have a long list of what THEY WANT...
But at the same time, say very little on what THEY OFFER to a relationship.


We know what we want, but we may not know what we have to offer (to someone who is interested in us)

Not everyone is looking for the same.

Based on past experience, many men have alluded to the fact that....

-I am not crazy (subjective), I am to assume that non-crazy has become a unicorn, as I've heard this too many times and almost every person I meet.

-I have topics of conversation, again, I assume many others have nothing to talk about and this is subjective as a conversation is a two-way street, so either both are to blame or no one is to blame.

-I am understanding and flexible, in reference to last minute cancellations, them arriving slightly delayed, not being able to meet for 1-2 weeks because they have their kids with them, or other pre-planned activity, etc.

-I don't make scenes in places or in front of others, even when very upset. I've actually never had a loud argument with anyone, I don't believe they are helpful.

-I am appropriate/suitable to meet family and friends. I can adapt to other's customs, practices, and learn games to be played, etc.

-I have no ill-will or malice toward others and would not purposely cause harm to anyone, whether emotional, physical, sexual, or otherwise. I do believe that the evil that one puts onto others, makes their way back to them in due time. That's why some people are and will always be miserable.

I could go on, but what if none of these things is what the other is looking for? It's easier to ask someone who is interested in you, what you offer to them.....maybe?
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 57 (view)
 
What qualifies as Deceit on a first meet?
Posted: 4/14/2018 10:16:59 AM
In reference to preferences when hiring, the goal is to find a good match between employee and employer.

There are workplaces where your marital status or number of children is simply inconsequential. Think of those 8-4, 9-5 jobs where your job is to execute a certain function, and you're not the only one there executing the same function. Because there is more than 1 person executing the same function, the place can run as long as one of the two (of however many) are there. So there is flexibility of taking time off, having nothing to do with what the time is taken for.

I used to have a job like that where there was tons of flexibility, so much that I could leave in the middle of the day, come in in the afternoon, take a day off with short notice, leave early, go in late, etc. As much as I needed (initially), once I streamlined the whole thing (no exaggeration, but I streamlined it to the point that there was really nothing to do but may 30 minutes of work a day), the place would not fall apart when I wasn't there.

Then there are those places where your function is essential to the place and without you, the place falls a part of experiences a slight hiccup. Or a place where you're the only person on the shift. These are the places where there is little flexibility, because it cannot function without you. So when such a person is out or goes on leave, the company is forced to find a replacement even if temporary. Your absence affects the organization to the point of halting the process of whatever the function is.

That's the job I have now. I went on vacation the week before last, and I was still called about matters regarding my program, because no one else knows the ins/outs of my program the way that I do, because of course, I manage the whole operation and everyone in it.

Yes, someone having less responsibilities, can be more flexible should they choose to. I used have a millennial employee who very much rather enjoy her life than make a little bit more money by doing a little bit of overtime. Everyone has different priorities independent of their responsibilities. I'm sure that there are also marriages in which the man (or woman) would very much rather work overtime, than be home with the family. Maybe they feel more useful at work than they do at home. Then there are those who prioritize family time, and are unwilling to ever work a minute after their shift or come earlier than their scheduled time.

Too many variables to measure
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Boys making Men look bad
Posted: 4/14/2018 10:02:32 AM
Yes, most people want sex, but for some, it is not about act of sex, but about the connection and intimacy that can create. Otherwise just a stick going into the doughnut hole would suffice for everyone, right? Didn't think so.

Because that is what some women seek (intimacy, connection), there is a con in the part of some men, to say and do what these women need and want, in order for the woman to feel comfortable enough to have sex sooner rather than later. In the end, it creates a feeling of being deceived, taken advantage of, and overall having been made a fool.

Then there are those who the the New Toy Syndrome and sincerely do and say what is needed for the women to feel comfortable, to develop feelings rather soon, etc. They are in all from a very beginning and with the same intensity in which they started, it fizzles out, leaving both or one hurt in the process, and with no explanation as to how it fizzled out so soon. It's like the honey moon phase, but turned from a series, into a mini series.

So there are many avenues at arriving to the same result, but the avenues are questionable.

I appreciate those who state that they are looking for sex (primarily), meaning that they are looking for such to happen soon. I like to know that someone is more interested in being intimate, than creating the intimacy by getting to know me. After all, it's no secret that for women (such as myself), it is what they do on the outside, the non-sexual activities, that make me curious about how the awesomeness on the outside, translate to a degree of awesomeness in the bedroom.

There's a saying that when sex became easier to have, love got harder to find. And another one that says that it is easy to find someone who can blow (your genitals), but hard to find someone who can blow your mind.


Is a man who’s just looking for sex any more of an azzhole than a woman who’s looking for a relationship but doesn’t like sex - her idea of intimacy just consists of talking to somebody? I wish there was a way I could weed out the women who don’t like sex before I date them.


For all intended purpose of universal understanding........some women like to have sex, but don't like to have sex with particular sets of people. Not all sex is enjoyable and not everyone is enjoyable to have sex with. A woman can be a nymphomaniac, and not enjoy having sex with a particular person.

Wouldn't it be more important to first test drive the quality of the sex instead of focusing on the quantity before hand. You can find someone who wants it on a daily basis, at the same time that neither of you enjoy having sex with each other.

This is not to discount that it is important to have similar sex drives, but the sex itself is just as important.
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Who messages you and you know they're not compatible?
Posted: 4/14/2018 9:39:17 AM

Belle, you should be ashamed of yourself, that was a low blow. And speaking of low blows (smile)


I am unfortunately not familiar with the concept of feeling ashamed of myself, life is too "short", lol
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 249 (view)
 
I Don't Date Muslim, Jewish, or Black Men
Posted: 4/14/2018 9:34:49 AM
A good way of explaining what the exclusionary criteria is, is to state what it is one is looking for, in enough detail that such because the exclusionary criteria but in a positive manner.

Now, when pressed for space (like tinder/bumble/etc), then you have a choice to either communicate or not. I have for example, and arrow pointing to the left for dildo auditions (aka hookups), fetishes, Trump supporters, pen pals
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Not having much luck here? Maybe BICitis is to blame.
Posted: 4/9/2018 9:43:54 PM
I like to think that it's more Because I Don't Have to, not "Because I can"

I don't have to do a damn thing, I don't have to reply, I don't have to agree to anything that doesn't agree with me, I don't have to have sex, I don't have to go on a second date or a date at all, I don't have to do anything I don't want to do.

There are so many things I'd like to do that have nothing do with being with someone of romantic interest. I've lived long enough to have a solid group of friends more years, my family relationships are solid, my interest in myself, in my personal and professional growth is also solid. Sometimes, you're life does not necessarily revolve around having a partner, it revolves about having a good relationship with yourself, cultivating who you are, etc.
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Who messages you and you know they're not compatible?
Posted: 4/9/2018 9:06:26 PM

I'm struggling to not reply to the hot guys lately, sometimes i do reply but know they're only after one thing so i let the conversations fizzle out. We're definitely not compatible but i can't help myself.


Life is short and chatting doesn't equate to meeting in person. Have some fun and let it fizzle out.


and a little "d"...


lmao
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Who messages you and you know they're not compatible?
Posted: 4/6/2018 3:16:03 PM
You're overthinking it. While we may be examining the chances of compatibility, there is no indication that men are examining their approach in much the same way.

After all, hearing story after story about how women do not respond to messages, is it any wonder that they are simply sending messages indiscriminately and waiting to see who responds?

Even when someone who I may be attracted to, messages me, if they don't express a desire to meet me in person rather sooner than later, they bite the dust too.
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Boys making Men look bad
Posted: 4/6/2018 8:22:41 AM

I think these external attributes have less to do with not dating than internal factors such as low self-esteem or being too busy - i.e. the children, job, parents - not because the guy doesn't ask but because we're too tired after all the work to actually put in the effort at dating to make a decision.


There is a difference between someone selecting someone based on external factors, (assuming that such equate low self-esteem, low self-worth), and actually getting a match between the two, as to go forward with their agenda.

If I may so, I think many assume that I fall in some of those categories, and sadly are mistaken when I'm not DTF, when I won't settle for any mediocre arrangement, I won't share my number without there being a date established, etc. What they think and who I am, greatly differ.


Dating requires work - from deciding if this guy is worth dating (i.e. filtering out guys who just want a good time) to conversation. My best 'date' during those dark hours just after my divorce was a guy who took my son to a party with a lot of other parents and kids leaving me with 4 solid hours to myself. He brought me dinner when they returned.


Agreed


Actually, yes they do message us when we have no photos. I definitely delete those idiots - especially when they say, "I love your smile".


that's odd, but anything is possible in online dating
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 19 (view)
 
What qualifies as Deceit on a first meet?
Posted: 4/4/2018 8:45:08 PM
1. Height discrepancy
2. Weight discrepancy (weight a lot less than their pictures, as if I thought that I was a good thing, nope!)
3. Non-smoker on profile, can't wait to smoke a cigarette at some point during the date
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 29 (view)
 
What would you tell your younger dating self?
Posted: 4/4/2018 8:36:07 PM
1. Do some more "sampling"
2. If it ain't going nowhere, cut the agony short
3. The opinion of others has nothing to do with the opinion you have of yourself
4. Walk out of a job if you have to, you don't owe your loyalty to a company who can replace you if you leave
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 87 (view)
 
POF is bottom of the barrel
Posted: 4/4/2018 8:28:09 PM

Most women would prefer the man that is 6ft 3 making over 150k a year than the shorter poorer man.


My two longest relationships were with individuals you described, lol.

What do you get with someone who is tall (in comparison to me), and make a good salary? No f*cking financial struggle, no wondering if you can afford to do whatever you want to do. They were not concerned with the fact that I don't cook, cleaning is not one of favorite activities.....they were more interested in other things: my level of education, my earning potential (as I am very marketable), child-free, intelligence, character, integrity, etc.

What else? well, they were with me because they wanted to, not because they needed to. They could essentially be with whomever they want, they were both handsome, charming, generous, could cook for themselves and on occasion cooking for me, and would either maintain their home or pay someone to do it for them.
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 113 (view)
 
Womens views on FWB???
Posted: 4/4/2018 8:11:13 PM
What can I say? I sort of had a FB, I just didn't know it was going to be like that, lol. The idea that he only reached out to me for sex, was distasteful and I decided not to see him again after our second encounter. The sex wasn't all that the second time, and if that's he planned to be in my life, he can't screw up that one thing, lol. So he was disqualified.

My theory is that sex is something that almost every man has to offer, so why leave it at that when I can have it all, the sex plus the relationship that could follow. If no potential for such is in the near future, time to abort mission and start over.

FB= dildo, and let's be honest, a vibrator is better than a dildo, cause it does some of the work for you versus you doing all the damn work.

FWB=hanging out and occasionally getting down and dirty. I may have had one of those in my teenage years.

My opinion on those kind of arrangements? a woman deserves more than someone who only thinks of her as orifices of convenience, discounting everything else that she is, unless she is the one who is deeming herself only worthy of such for whatever reason.
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Gimme a number. Your best guess will do just fine.
Posted: 4/4/2018 7:56:30 PM
I would have to time it and then calculate the percentage of minutes out of a 24 hour day, or tally a whole week.

It may be something like 5% or less, as I see my friends and family almost every week for different activities.

For example, I have a party/rave coming up (I already bought the costume, picture will be posted cause it's super cool), have an "escape the room" with the same friends on another day, have a Cooking Dinner Party coming up with the same friends, have a few hiking trips coming up with a different set of friends, have an adult day camp 4-5 night stay coming up later in the year with the other group of friends.

Have a few restaurants to visit with my mom and sister, have a few places where I have to take my nieces and nephews.

Have my twice a week ballroom dancing classes, and a monthly dancing party to further practice what I've learned.

If I'm really that starved for socialization (a non-occurence), I can go to the gym, they have yoga and fitness classes there too, so that I don't feel like a total piece of crap for having a membership for the last 7 years and can count how many times a year I've actually set foot in it.

aka, very fortunate, never a dull moment in my life
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Boys making Men look bad
Posted: 4/4/2018 7:41:01 PM
At some point some women get tired of all of the sexual proposals, and feel the need to explain it on their profile. But the thing is that.......a man who is looking for sex, isn't going to go through the trouble of reading anyone's profile. Their agenda is simple....find someone who doesn't value themselves enough, whom will think he is out of her league, and has difficulty finding someone to date (looks, weight, have children, have a busy job, etc).

But no worries, some of us don't even answer messages that start with some compliment that mentions our bodies, some kind of " I like what I see", like wtf? I'm sure you wouldn't be messaging if there were no pictures, common sense there. "Hi sexy.." and variations of some of sort agenda that is already sex-focused.

You don't have to worry about how others make anyone else look, you are your own person, and any woman lucky enough to have you, shouldn't be basing her idea of you on past experience.
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 44 (view)
 
do women really want to be seen as sex objects?
Posted: 4/4/2018 7:31:45 PM

>>>b/c we can take that car to a show, make other men jealous, and few will try to steal a car away from us :)


Some don't make it to a show though and you would think they rather skip their housing payment in order to give the car whatever it needs. I've seen it happen.


The car analogy is pants.
Lots of guys have rentals now, often makes financially more sense.

A few corrections there; lots of guys ARE rentals, often makes emotionally and financially more sense.


And most guys I know who ‘love’ their car only take good care of it for selling purposes later on.....when they get an upgrade :)

Most guys I know take care of the car because they see it as an extension of themselves, having meaning and all that good stuff.


Out of all my friends (male and female) I’m the only one I know who had kept a car anywhere near 13yrs.

With proper maintenance and having an overall plan idea on what it takes to keep it running as if new, will make anything last long. It's like everything, whatever you did to get it, do it to keep it.
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Preferences - just food for thought?
Posted: 4/4/2018 7:24:02 PM

I bet they were all douche canoes.


If that's what you consider yourself *wink*
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 117 (view)
 
What are things that you no longer tolerate in regards to dating?
Posted: 4/4/2018 7:14:47 PM

I won't tolerate someone who smokes, is unkind, unemployed, does drugs, has no driver's license, swears constantly, etc. Yet my ex was all those things at one point. I went for looks, was caught in a trap and was burned badly. Now I don't want to be judgmental of guys who have the good qualities but aren't good-looking. Aren't we taught to give people a chance, that it's what's on the inside that counts? Maybe it's the idea of finding the diamond in the rough. I thought maybe if I tried hard enough I could find a guy with good personal qualities and learn to like him despite initial attraction. I'm realizing now that I'm wrong. Maybe I'm just going for guys who I think won't be able to hurt me. Attraction does matter. But I face wondering if I can even net a guy I'm attracted to. I'm afraid to try. I don't want to be unrealistic. I guess I have to be brave enough to face rejection.


Life is to be lived and you got what you wanted, and I hope you enjoyed it until it wore off, and he played himself. If you're not attracted to someone, their overall good qualities aren't going to convert them, you would be settling and a guy can tell when he is not your number one (thought he may also settle for that if he thinks you are out of his league).


Women have always been on their best behavior in the first couple months. So, the only thing I will no longer tolerate is a woman seems to prefer sex over love.


Sexual compatibility is important for some. The length of time to wait to discover such does not seem to be a determining factor for some. My second relationship blossomed from what was supposed to be a one night stand. My 4th (last) relationship blossomed from a 1.5 months wait, and we had agreed to a relationship at that time, and I was the one who said that I cannot agree until I've sampled our sexual compatibility.

but I agree that sex over love is not cool
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 19 (view)
 
I Don't Date Muslim, Jewish, or Black Men
Posted: 3/23/2018 9:01:52 PM
That's crystal clear in my profile, so no one can say they didn't know. I still get messages from unsuspecting men who acknowledge what I've stated yet feel they are the exception. I think I've been around long enough to know what floats my boat, and I have occasionally met those who are not my type, and confirmed that it simply doesn't stir anything in me, no matter how charming, gainfully employed, physical attributes, etc.

I recently went out with someone who was not my type, because he asked that I give him an opportunity. He asked if he could kiss me when the night ended, and while I respect his confidence, you already started by not being my type, how far you want to push the envelope? He invited me out again, and I explained that while I had a great time, I don't see anything happening between us. He blocked me, lol. Not sure if he ever unblocked me, but I blocked him anyways, to prevent that "situation" from ever resurfacing.
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 35 (view)
 
do women really want to be seen as sex objects?
Posted: 3/23/2018 8:53:36 PM
Sure, I'd like to be seen as a sex object.......a sex object that needs regular maintenance, and respect, and be listened to, and be treated well..........ya know, so it can last........like a car. I find that men usually take very good care of their car despite it being a motherf*cking object. Money and time funnels into that s*cker.
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 7 (view)
 
it doesn't add up
Posted: 3/23/2018 8:48:39 PM
Depends, is there a reason why they need to be attached to their phones?

For example, I'm on-call 24/7, and my staff can reach me at any time via text, e-mail, calls, etc.... That doesn't mean that I have to constantly look at my phone. I have an Apple Watch, so I can leave my phone out of sight, and just look at my watch anytime it vibrates, and be able to determine if I need to pull out my phone (like if I see its an important e-mail or the response to text will be long, etc).

If I'll be in someone's company, I'll do everything I usually do, earlier, like check social media for events and newsfeed, read important e-mails and erase crap, read articles, check work e-mail, etc.

I disclose this information to anyone who I am about to meet, so they don't take office if I have to answer my phone whether phone call, e-mail, or text. I usually leave my phone in my purse, or in another room (if that's where we are at, at that point), because I can answer my phone from my watch, text from my watch, and send automatic replies to e-mails. It's less disruptive to others.

If someone can't live without staring at the screen, that's a whole other ballgame, you needs to go bro!
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 20 (view)
 
What are things that you no longer tolerate in regards to dating?
Posted: 3/23/2018 8:34:17 PM
1. Consumption of alcohol on every date (may be a sign of a bigger issue)
2. Sexual selfishness, always get but doesn't volunteer to give often or ever, "ain't nobody got time for that"
3. Too much talk, and no planning of the next time we'll see each other (if we ever have, lol)
4. Sending their spokesperson/representative on her behalf the first 3-6 months, and then they fire the spokes/rep, and display who they really are and then wonder why it didn't work out.
5. Lying about being a smoker, so they can message me, meet me, to then discover they can't go 5 hours without a cigarette. Whatever game is at play, I'm familiar with the rules, lol
6. The indecent proposals for FWB, FB, like what the heck, I'm not about to hold auditions, you're the one who needs them, not me. It's obviously men who haven't heard of the Industrial Revolution, aka BOB/dildos. They already sell dildos, aka, who they want to become, without the inconvenience of having to travel or converse.
7. Men who don't know what they want, well you go ahead and keep figuring it out, I'll stay meeting other people in the meantime, maybe some other person will know, and get ahead on the finish line
8. People who claim to be within the age limits I specify, but clearly look like they attempted to wipe a good 10-15 years off themselves.
9. Claiming to want to get to know me, yet ask me the same crap that's already answered on my profile, good riddance
10. The "just got out of a relationship, not ready for anything" type, well don't mind if I'm not ready to do much more than go on a few dates/meets with you and leaving it at that. You're not ready for anything, and I'm not ready to waste my time, knowing full well that you can pull that card out at any time, to get out of doing real things, what f*ckery!
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 113 (view)
 
Women receiving oral slutty/selfish?
Posted: 3/23/2018 8:18:51 PM
Every heard of the woman to held someone at knife-point (pun intended), demanding that a man go down on her. Several were willing but.........it seems her hygiene was up to par at that moment. Slutty........maybe, selfish.....definitely

There is nothing selfish or sluttly about a woman wanting to receive pleasure. wtf! @this question

Now, it's the only thing she wants and she is ready to leave right after, then maybe the selfish part applies
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Preferences - just food for thought?
Posted: 3/23/2018 8:13:52 PM
I have been fortunate to meet a few forum regulars, all in a single day, go me! lol
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Are you lonely?
Posted: 3/21/2018 8:28:11 PM
No.

It's the opposite, I enjoy time spent alone doing whatever I want (binging on Netflix/Hulu, eating, commuting, reading books and magazines, etc), that I get annoyed when in the company of other people.

There has been no lack of anything this 2018

I have so many things I want to do, that company is just a hinderance. Set goals for yourself and go after those goals.
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Help !!
Posted: 3/20/2018 3:27:38 PM
There's a methods to the madness.

If you are making it all from scratch, here's how it goes: to soak the beans overnight in cold water. Don't dump all of the water, just some. Use some of that water to cook the beans in tomato sauce (or paste if you prefer), sazon (seasoned salt), cilantro, smoked ham, and whatever else you want to put in. Stir every few mins and voila after about 20 mins.

You can skip some of the seasoning if you premake your own. There's something we call "sofrito", and that's a blend of garlic, green and red pepper, onions, the little peppers (non spicy), olive oil, and voila. Use the blender, it should come out green or red, depending on which pepper is your favorite. You can freeze it and use it every time you cook, it saves you having to purchase fresh ingredients. How you know you did it right?, it smells unbelievable the minute it hits the pot/pan/skillet.

I've never put ginger in beans, that doesn't sound like a good combination (and I love ginger).

If you buy it canned, you just skip the soaking.
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 50 (view)
 
numb to the consequences
Posted: 3/20/2018 3:18:51 PM
Sounds like an addiction to drama, and we are for the most part about decreasing the drama and reaching a middle ground.

Maybe you don't need to be with anyone, spend some time with yourself and figure out what you really want. What can anyone offer to another if they don't even know themselves?
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 208 (view)
 
So many angry single people
Posted: 3/19/2018 8:45:52 PM
Aunty red!!!! *hearts*, oh how I've missed thee *kisses*

On topic, I don't know that there is any credence to there being a lot of angry single people out, and if there is, it is more than likely anger at themselves for having expected that they'd be a different stage in their lives whether that be in a relationship, married, with children, widowed, etc. You never know what floats people's boats.

It gets weird over time. The more you work on yourself, the less options are available because not everyone will do, and not everyone will be deserving of you. That's not anger, that's self-love, respect for yourself, taking inventory of your virtues and flaws, and choosing to be happy over settling and then regretting it.
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 22 (view)
 
did I make the right call here?
Posted: 3/19/2018 8:40:14 PM
So you dodged a bullet, what's the problem again?

I have a type, so anyone who does not conform to that type, bites the dust. I recently met a man who I explained that I was giving him my number for the purpose of communicating any change of plans. Needless to say he wanted to text me all day, while I was at work, and nothing about what he was texting me about was important. We met in person, I thought this would calm his nerves and would result in him texting me less since now he got the opportunity to verify that I'm a real person. The next morning, I get a string of text messages, and I had to let him down explaining that the level of communication that he requires, is not one that I can provide, therefore another woman may be a better match for him.

Fast forward some days later, I met someone who has been texting me here and there every day, but I don't mind it because I actually like him and we have interesting conversations. Another guy I am seeing, also texts daily but only 1-2 times a day, but I also don't mind because he has already demonstrated that he is a Jack Pearson (for those who watch This is US). He took me out for dinner, mini golf, basketball shooting, batting cage practice, etc. He's always looking for ways to show me a great time.

In conclusion, everything becomes a problem with someone you are not attracted to at some mid-level, and rarely anything becomes a problem with someone who pulls at your heart string.
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 38 (view)
 
that's the problem with those condoms :)
Posted: 3/19/2018 8:17:17 PM
Just move the f*ck on to someone else, you kind of did already.

Any feelings that you may have had, flew in the direction of the wind as you admit that you would do it again

Change is the only constant in life, and as people change within a relationship, some cannot weather the storm, and drive people in different directions. Don't be so hard on yourself, lesson learned.
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Have I royally screwed up?
Posted: 3/13/2018 7:39:18 PM
I think she likely got scared of how fast it all unraveled and decided to pull the plug. I don't think you did anything wrong per say, you showed interest and there is nothing wrong in showing interest, especially when she is showing interest in you as well.

She might have gotten in too deep and got scared, it's happened to me, but because I was not showed the same interest after realizing I was way more into them than they into me. I have pulled the plug to save myself the heartache.

Your case is a bit different, because she was equally interested, but something (not your doing) made her pull the plug. Who knows? maybe she just wanted to feel desired and cared for again, and was on a break with a previous boyfriend, and they got back together. There's a million possibilities but there are a lot of people out there anyways, so keep looking. When it's right, it stands the test of time.
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Why does my ex girlfriend still text me?
Posted: 3/12/2018 6:11:12 PM
There is nothing more unappealing than to pursue someone who doesn't want you.

No one has to tell me or show me that twice. Once is enough.
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 668 (view)
 
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/12/2018 1:30:49 PM
"it's getting hot in herrrrrrrrr..."

I fully endorse it
 Belleatrix
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 90 (view)
 
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/12/2018 1:27:00 PM

I'll go as far as saying there's never anything wrong with it. Religion is the root of sexual guilt, and religion can go f*ck itself.


+1
 panderous
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Riding a sybian
Posted: 3/11/2018 2:43:26 PM

Have you looked into the MotorBunny? You can find it on Amazon for $899. It is an exact copy, a ripoff of the original made in China. I have seen both in action, you can’t tell them apart, it even uses the exact same attachments.


If I'm going to invest this kind of money into a sex toy, it better be the original. While I'm aware that China makes the majority of products we use, I can't quite trust them with something that could have lead and other chemicals that could be tit for tat for my pleasure.


LOL

I would disagree. The Sybian might give you more and better O’s, but wouldn’t it be nice to have a man there to whisper dirty things in your ear, and play


Being that part of what ruined by past 8.5 year old relationship, was the fact that at some point, there was no use for him because the sex toys were more effective in getting me there faster, than he was, I would say no....................no, the whole whispering thing is optional, lol.

I threw away all of my toys when I entered my last relationship, so as to not make that mistake again, plus I'd had the same toys for over a decade, it was time to bid goodbye to original toys.

I recently purchased 3 toys, sort of imitation of the toys I had in the past. It's definitely not the same, it takes a little more imagination and slightly a little bit more work. I wouldn't want the same to happen with buying a knockoff Sybian.

The allure of having sex with a man, is that he does the work (warning: I don't give a f*ck what anyone things about this), otherwise, if I gotta put in a lot of work, I might as well do it my damn.
 panderous
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 661 (view)
 
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/11/2018 8:24:07 AM

^^^ Or, in other words, what can you do for me?


If people can spend an inordinate amount of time communicating via app but make no efforts to do so in person, they may have never intended to make anything happen in real life and are just talking up your time. This is a dating site, where did the premise of the website indicate that it just to get a little bit of attention at the cost of someone else's time?

So yeah, as explained in my profile, I don't have time for that, so I stop responding.
 panderous
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Should I go for it?
Posted: 3/10/2018 5:52:03 PM
Go for it, but I think with the millions questions he asked, he found out what he needed to make an assessment, and wasn't interested in doing anything more than catching up here and there, hence why he asked for your number as means of following up.
 panderous
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Treading on eggshells in messages
Posted: 3/10/2018 5:48:02 PM

Just my opinion but the first one found a deal breaker and moved on, while the second one may have thought you were suggesting sex to cure your loneliness. I could be wrong of course, but you may have creeped her out.


+1
 panderous
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 5 (view)
 
How Many of your Online dates become FB friends?
Posted: 3/10/2018 5:46:30 PM
Only the date that became my boyfriend, and since that ended, our friendship on facebook ended as well.............cause he doesn't need to know what's going in my like. We text or talk once a in a blue, but that's about the only involvement he gets to have in my life
 panderous
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 657 (view)
 
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/10/2018 1:59:57 PM
No frustration had here for not getting responses............I don't send initial messages, as I don't spend enough time on it to do anything other than check my inbox.

Now, there is a slight frustration to getting bs answers when you're trying to move things along and have it materialize into a date/meet. When I get an answer that's borderline not ready for anything real, I delete the whole conversation or block them. No time wasted on this kind of f*ckery, not here to keep you entertained during your lunch break/commuting time/work boredom/your dateless weekend, etc.
 panderous
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Ladies. how many messages do you receive?
Posted: 3/10/2018 1:27:08 PM
Now that I'm in my 30s, I get about 10 messages a day.

90% of them are some variation of "hi", "how are you", some general compliment, and bs introduction, etc. It is not about the quantity, its about the quality.
 panderous
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 81 (view)
 
Casual sex and dating...
Posted: 3/10/2018 1:25:22 PM
It sounds like a competition almost. For those stating that they wouldn't enter a situation where he is already taking care of his business.........I don't know, I admire people who are resourceful. When things are being care of, it takes off the pressure. After all, isn't that why some men masturbate before going on a date? because if you eliminate the tension, you can focus on your date instead of just your date's pants.

I think there is something genuine about taking care of yourself and not burdening other people with it. Yes, it almost eliminates the incentive of building a relationship with someone else, but if you're going on dates, it means you haven't yet found the whole package, someone who can not only fulfill you sexually, but in all other ways you are seeking.

Isn't there something honerably about someone pursuing you because they want you, not need you?

Some people don't have the capacity to be in a relationship, but have the desire to be intimate with someone from time to time, so that is what they seek.
 panderous
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Riding a sybian
Posted: 3/10/2018 12:59:43 PM
I almost went half on this thing, with another female, but sharing it was gonna be hell because she was in CA and I'm in NY, and well, I am not traveling with that back and forth.

The day I am ready to swear off men for the rest of my life, I will finally invest in a Sybian. After all, who needs a man (for this purpose) when you got a Sybian?
 panderous
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 555 (view)
 
Why do older Men think like they are teenagers. Wanting to know about Sex first?
Posted: 3/8/2018 2:49:44 PM

Pander, if I still lived in NY, I'd want to double date and watch you in action☺


I don't think you're ready, lol

I'm not shy, and while I'm not an extrovert, my wit does not allow the acceptance of unchallenged bs. So its either you will not want to be anywhere without me ever again, or you'll want to never be around me again.

I've challenged the bs thrown at me by dates because well.......I present as I am in real life, I'm not there to impress anyone.
 panderous
Joined: 12/17/2017
Msg: 96 (view)
 
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 3/8/2018 11:49:20 AM
Oh yeah, been there done that.

I was into someone who by all means was not into me. I took my feelings out of the equation and thought about what I would do if I didn't have feelings for this person, and there came my answer. I spoke up, expressed that I felt like I was doing all of the reaching out and if he was not interested in me, this is a good time to tell me. I guess he didn't having other options at the time, so he went along with it and began to reach out and even changed his tone, suddenly calling me "baby" over text, etc.

He started to get distant, canceled the last two times we had arranged to meet. The last cancelation was pretty revealing, as it was last minute, aka no consideration to my time, nor was there anything to indicate there was a reason for such. I stopped talking to him. A whole month passed by (since we saw each other) and he reached out to me, to ask me about information regarding my account (for WiFi). I didn't answer as the message really had nothing to do with me, and I had removed him from my account a couple days before that. He texted again the next day asking if I was upset with him. I informed him that while I'm not upset, I was not thrilled with the fact that after not seeing each other for a month, his only inquiry was with regards to my account information, rather than inquiring how I was doing, etc.

I haven't spoken to him since. I look at people's behaviors rather than their words. That's how 2018 began, with a little f*ck up and getting back on my feet.
 
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