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 Author Thread: Men with no friends
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Men with no friends
Posted: 1/19/2019 5:08:25 AM
I would ask him the question and see what he has to say. There are lots of reasonable possibilities. Some people move far from the homes where they grew up and that can result in having no local friends. If he doesn't do social media, it can result in having no long distance friends too. Maybe his work is so demanding on him socially that he prefers solitude outside of work hours. He just may not have found his people yet. Not everyone occupies the same common well-beaten paths and it may take longer to find people to connect with.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 21 (view)
 
How to respond to her; she is mirroring me
Posted: 1/11/2019 7:38:51 PM
She has game and you have game, but why partake in these games? It all seems like it has the potential for a lot of drama. At the very least, it seems like a lot of bother without a lot of payoff.
Like whiterose0 said, date other women. I would not continue to invest in this one. I just don't think you'll have reasonable ROI.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 72 (view)
 
Time wasters
Posted: 1/6/2019 8:32:51 AM
John, I can't speak for how things are now, but when I was trying to find a partner, it would have been overly time consuming to speak to everyone on the phone who seemed remotely okay after only a couple of days of messaging. Just messaging that volume of people was out of hand. And I wasn't even what most consider young. I can only imagine what it is like for someone young, in their twenties or early thirties.

It is not a matter of "would not" exchange phone numbers, but certainly would not do so after a couple of days. I don't think saying people have issues when they won't (not attributing that remark to you John) is either fair or reasonable. .
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Would ladies give a chance to an extremely shy guy?
Posted: 1/2/2019 5:55:18 PM
Siisaa, your mention of natural beauties reminded me of a lesson I learned a few years back. A friend who gets professional photo sessions done each year and always posts her photos had a year where she posted herself in a session that appeared to be half in make-up and half make-up free. Many of us commented how incredible she looked without make-up to which she replied that she was wearing a ton of make-up in the so-called natural looking photos and actually a lot more than the photos of her wearing red lipstick and a blush with colour. It taught me that a lot of illusion can be created by those with skill and willing to take the time.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 49 (view)
 
We are not shopping in the same market.
Posted: 1/1/2019 1:12:00 PM
In message 8, there was a reference to hot younger men hitting on us oldies all the time and in a later message you seemed to insinuate it was because the older woman getting hit on was hot. I may have misinterpreted your response. However, whether or not I did, I can assure you it has nothing to do with whether a woman is hot, despite the woman who originally posted this falling into that category. She is right, we oldies get hit on all the time by hot young men. They may be out to take us for money; they may be out for something funny they can post to their Instagram (is that what they would post to? I have no clue); they may be out for any number of things but I can assure you, at least in my case and the case of my friends, it has nothing to do with wanting to pursue a relationship with us.

In message 26, there was a remark made that the intent of your post may be to broadcast message to your ex how desirable you are. I think this is likely hit the mark.

Re: your DMV and the young, hot and smart woman you dated for a week, did you pay for everything? There are a few universities in my city. They all have formal dating sites set up to obtain sugar daddies. I don't for a second believe that a 29 year old hottie was pursuing you for legitimate dating reasons.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Organization; storage; household management
Posted: 1/1/2019 7:54:19 AM
Happy New Year. I don't know if it is the same where you are, but the New Year always marks the stores bringing in all types of organizing and storage containers, perhaps because the excess of Christmas makes people crave simplicity.

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone has some favourite practices or ideas they care to share for organizing, storage and overall household management. I always find organizing papers to be a challenge (receipts, tax stuff, records, etc.). I also find organizing the kitchen to be a challenge. It is very tiny. I cook a lot so it gets a lot of use. I don't have a dishwasher so try to clean as I go, but because I cook a lot, I find I often feel like I am digging out from under a mountain of pots and pans. I am sometimes tempted to trade in cooking for frozen meals but I guess the act of cooking is something I get to much pleasure out of. Besides, I often find prepared foods bought from a grocery store lack flavour but maybe I just haven't found the right type.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 1803 (view)
 
getting screwed on the first date
Posted: 1/1/2019 7:40:59 AM
When I used to date, I liked going to a place where it was just as acceptable to stay for a beverage and leave, or stay for a meal. That way, I could order a beverage and stay for more if it was working out. I would always be there a bit early. When I ordered my beverage, the wait staff would ask if I would like a menu as well and I would let them know that it depends. They always got what I was saying.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 5 (view)
 
My turn for a torturous profile preview.
Posted: 12/31/2018 4:53:54 PM
I have never had a man ask my weight. Not an acceptable approach to conversation in my opinion and I would not give anyone the time of day if they did. I recommend taking it out. It matters how you carry your weight and the number can say something you don't want it to. Also, weight fluctuates day to day so it is doubtful you will be 197 each day and all day long. Be concerned with your weight for your health, not for how people perceive it.

I would recommend up-to-date photos. I know some are from this summer. One is older than that. It would be nice to update your pictures. Although not "old" in the eyes of many, I like very recent photos - at least one no older than two months. It is nice to at the very least post an updated photo each season.

Re: the length of relationship, just wondering why you don't select more than 10 years from the drop-down option when you have 10 years for a length in the body of your profile. Unless it was 10 years to the day, it seems reasonable that you select more than 10 years from the drop down. Others may not notice the disparity between the more than 9 years selection and the 10 years in the body. I would notice.

Based on things you have written in your posts, I know the activities you like are important to you. You seemed to have discounted a couple of men who messaged you recently because they did not enjoy the same activities. If that and height are really deal breakers, you might want to mention that (in a light way) so people who are serious about finding someone know not to message you if they are not the required height or not into the things you enjoy.

In terms of what you are looking for, part of your profile says friends, then it says looking to enjoy dating, then it mentions finding someone you really connect with. It may seem to some like you are not sure what you want.

Did you intend to keep the age range starting as low as 27? I just ask because it is an area you may have overlooked after setting it initially.

Also, did you want to talk about what you are willing to do with the time you have available? For example, are you willing to travel, are you open to meeting once a week or more or less than that? Some may bypass your profile because they get the impression you don't have time to be flexible and meet them half way. If you can be flexible, it might help to let men know.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 55 (view)
 
What are things you see in dating profiles that will make you sadly skip past them?
Posted: 12/30/2018 9:08:45 PM
^^^ hahaha MsMicki, I get pretty rowdy when the Oilers are in the hockey playoffs - pretty sure the neighbours can hear me on playoff nights!
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 12/30/2018 9:06:08 PM
Drezzal, I think that opinions will vary a great deal across generations as well as across cultures. I don't think it is considered that unusual for a young person to live with their parents these days. Mind you, I am from a very ethnically diverse city and this is very common practice for several cultural groups. Do you lead a responsible and independent life aside from your living arrangement? Personally, I think that is important. Buy your own things, including groceries and pay your portion of the rent/ mortgage and utilities and upkeep - your fair share, have a job you work hard at, that type of thing. To me, those behaviours demonstrate a person is contributing to the overall welfare of their immediate family. Nothing wrong with that to a lot of folks.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Philospohy about responding to a Viewed Me.
Posted: 12/30/2018 11:14:52 AM
I don't think you have anything to lose by reaching out to see if there is interest on her part. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I suspect that those who are here for dating typically, or at least often, look at profiles because a photo interested them.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 71 (view)
 
*trigger* Have I broken it off too soon?
Posted: 12/28/2018 5:53:58 PM
Weren't we rankled old women? I seem to remember that we were rankled too, or we were easily rankled by "youthful" optimism or some charming statement to that effect.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 41 (view)
 
What are things you see in dating profiles that will make you sadly skip past them?
Posted: 12/26/2018 6:57:14 PM
A second wife since June, 2018 when asking for a review is pretty impressive. Congratulations.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 4 (view)
 
What's Your DMV?
Posted: 12/25/2018 2:59:11 PM
^^^ +1.

Messages this short may not be posted. Not even on Christmas day.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Bedroom colours
Posted: 12/24/2018 2:21:30 PM
Wow, you all have incredible suggestions. Thank you. Iā€™m actually a little excited planning these changes.

MsMicki, I love bohemian style and that would be fantastic in a bedroom ā€“ a real sanctuary. Jessi, your bed is going to be amazing and the colour scheme sounds really beautiful. I think bronzes, coppers and gold accents will add a lot of warmth to my space. Dayna, the throw at the end of the bed in a rich colour sounds perfect! And you are so right about working on the rest of the room after the spread as I can afford it. Clytemnestra, wow that is a gorgeous colour. I actually have some fabric with a bit of it incorporated in it, or at least it looks very close. I have some cushions that I need to recover and I think I will use some of that fabric on some of the smaller cushions. 2ufo, you and I are on the same page with the warm gold yellow ā€“ a colour that warms me just looking at it. Noftheborder, I can, and have walked into your city from where I live so we definitely experience the same light changes in the winter months. An area rug is a great idea that I had not considered. I will keep my eyes open for decent sales and see what I can find.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Bedroom colours
Posted: 12/23/2018 5:02:19 PM
After several years of figuratively not being in a good place (quite an understatement), my home reflects that reality - funny how that works. I am finally at a point where I am feeling at least a little bit of hope that maybe there is joy left to be had in life and have become interested in making a home I want to come home to - this has not been the case in years. Having said that, I don't earn a high income and need to make sure I use my decorating funds wisely.

I wish to begin in the bedroom. I saved up my money from overtime this year and bought a walnut coloured bed with headboard and bureau. I also bought a little electric fireplace for the tv. It is kind of a cheap black particle board thing but it was what I could afford and the room is often quite chilly after dark. At least it has a fairly low profile.

I would like to move on to new bedding. I saw a really nice comforter today at a popular discount store. They had a few so I don't feel overly stressed about not buying it today. The thing is, it's white. I always love white hotel bedding the few times I get to go to one. But I don't know how to warm it up, or if that is even possible. The only colours I don't care for are grey and blue. Grey is everywhere these days. I live in a winter city and the lighting is very grey most of the year. I don't need more grey in my life for that reason. No idea why I don't like blue. I like wearing it; just can't stand it in a home.

Any thoughts as to whether white bedding can be warmed up adequately? It might seem easier to just buy a comforter in another colour but I don't want to commit to only one colour and was hoping white could be warmed up with accent throws, etc. that may be changed out easily over the years. Honestly though, I have no sense of style so could use the help of opinions from those who do.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 15 (view)
 
*trigger* Have I broken it off too soon?
Posted: 12/23/2018 3:58:28 PM
Ditto Strat and LIR.

OP, life is shorter than you may realize at this point. You aren't his savior or his therapist. Don't waste time on pursuing something that cannot be. MANY are not in a place where they should ever even think about pursuing a relationship and when they do, frankly I think they are being selfish to inflict themselves on someone else. Harsh? Maybe. Then again, I never claimed to be sweet.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Forum Roll Call
Posted: 12/23/2018 7:50:46 AM
Good morning from an infrequent poster from Canada.
 Curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 168 (view)
 
#looksmatter.
Posted: 12/19/2018 6:22:40 PM
Lol 2ufo.

I discovered that form fitting tops require no ironing so most of the tops I own are form fitting for that reason. Still have to iron pants and some of my dresses though. I used to enjoy ironing. Now it seems to be a chore.

Purple, the last two irons I've had have not heated up like previous ones did. Seems odd to me that they don't. Safety thing maybe? I would also be interested in learning about the ones that still heat up well.
 Curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 49 (view)
 
i'm bacon for it
Posted: 12/17/2018 1:13:21 PM
July, the oyster thing made me smile. I have them at least three times a week. I think I could be happy with them daily. Sushi is good (and I mean good :-), but I prefer sashimi.
I like nearly everything, except for eggplant and cilantro (the cilantro is a challenge), and often find people commenting about what I will eat when we go out to dinner (because they tend not to like it).
 Curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Reconnect w/ a date from many, many years ago
Posted: 12/17/2018 12:34:41 PM
I always say you can't go home again and believe this applies to relationships too, however that's my bias and I personally know a couple of people for who reuniting after decades apart worked out. I hope it works out for you! Distance is meh to me. There are air miles and good deals on flights to be had. One of the last seat mates I had on s cross-country flight was going to meet his rather new wife. They had met online. They still lived on separate coasts but travelled back and forth as often as they could. It's been about four years and I don't remember if he told me their long-term living plans but I was very clear that the arrangement was working for them.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 12 (view)
 
How do you meet someone nice and genuine?
Posted: 12/16/2018 6:14:42 AM
I like your new photos oldfashioned. You and I are essentially the same age. If you have been coupled up/married for a long time, there is somewhat of a learning curve to embrace. Things are different (online dating, for example), and you are different. Keep living your best life. I hope good things/people come to you.
 Curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 36 (view)
 
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/14/2018 3:36:32 PM
Maybe it's a winter city thing? I don't know what percentage I'd guess at, but certainly overweight in twenties and thirties isn't uncommon here.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Ladies. how many messages do you receive?
Posted: 12/13/2018 6:22:38 PM
Here I thought Marcus thought I was special ;-).

Messages received back in the day when my profile was open were probably around 7 to 10 a day. Several of them were just to insult me such as calling me loser or boring (the pond can be shallow lol), so if you only count the nice ones, maybe a few a week.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 33 (view)
 
What are things you see in dating profiles that will make you sadly skip past them?
Posted: 12/13/2018 6:16:09 PM
Henry, my ex and I always made an effort to vote the same so that we didn't cancel one another's vote. There were some elections that required a lot more discussion than others.
Politics is important to me. I grew up in a family in which it was important. My father ran for office. Many of the people we had over to house parties were politicians. Interestingly, I grew up to be an adult who usually voted different than what I was raised to do.
While politics is important to me, I would be content with someone who voted different from me but who could engage in respectful discussions about our perspectives. In other words, I am fine with two signs on the lawn at election time :-).
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 32 (view)
 
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/13/2018 6:06:57 PM
I think giving your weight may be misleading. You provide a full body photo so they can see what your body looks like. If they don't like that, they are free to move on. The reason I say giving your weight may be misleading is that people can carry their weight very differently. Some are well proportioned and wear extra weight very well. Others can have a section of the body that is disproportionately heavy. Some people can hear a number and completely ignore the evidence before them of your full body photo. Just my two cents.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Plenty of Pervs
Posted: 12/13/2018 5:53:23 PM
Danimal, I dumped FB a couple of years ago but looking back, I have to say that a number of the men posted photos of their SO while the women tended not to. I would have assumed it was because their partners did not want their photos on social media though, so you've certainly raised an interesting alternate perspective.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/13/2018 5:37:32 PM
Noftheborder, I have never seen a long term couple like that. Truly special and it must have felt special to even be witness to it. May we all have at least a little of this in our lives.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 131 (view)
 
if wishes were horses, beggars would ride for free
Posted: 12/13/2018 5:31:57 PM
Looks are quite subjective I find. Although I get what appeals to the masses, I don't necessarily find what the masses like to be appealing. Clooney and Pitt are meh to me but I get that most of the world sees them as attractive. I do, at times, find what the rest of world likes as highly attractive and appealing ā€¦ I won't get started on Denzel... wow, just wow.

But who I find appealing in real life doesn't typically follow what the masses would be attracted to.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 27 (view)
 
What are things you see in dating profiles that will make you sadly skip past them?
Posted: 12/9/2018 7:35:22 AM
^^^ SSM, what I take from your post is that it is a little too easy for any of us to make false assumptions on the very little information we see. It's important for us to keep in mind because if we are truly serious about finding someone, it is too easy to miss potential gems when we are preoccupied with seeking out reasons to discard. That is not to say it is easy to do, and I certainly have characteristics that represent flags for me that I tend to take as reason(s) to ignore.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Do you feel you have run out of fish in your area?
Posted: 12/2/2018 4:24:37 PM
OP, 20 miles isn't very far. I don't know anything about where you live though so it may be that is considered far in your area. I have to travel farther to get back and forth from work so it seems like a pretty short distance to me. If your dream person was 30 miles away, wouldn't you want to be open to that?
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 16 (view)
 
What is the latest name-calling Buzz Word you have heard?
Posted: 11/25/2018 7:55:30 AM
It's interesting (c0ncerning?) that narcissist seems to be a popular "buzzword" regardless of where we are geographically and it makes me wonder whether there is something going on culturally that has promoted narcissistic behaviours. Not having training in diagnosis (my university courses don't equal training in my books), I am not comfortable labelling the people I have been with before as falling under a certain category, such as narcissist. Mind you, I was told by the ex-wife of the last person I was with that he was a narcissist and she had been to counselling so perhaps the label fits in his case. All I know is that if I were ever to pursue a relationship again, I would stay away from someone who exhibited some of his behaviours, such as his obsession with fitness.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 112 (view)
 
My Cats are C*ck-Blocking Me
Posted: 11/23/2018 6:17:11 AM
Very sorry to hear about your cat John. It's always hard to know when it's time to say bye I find.

Purple, you are so correct, cats have staff.

I never thought I would be a cat person but I took in a stray a year and half ago. Now I realize I have been a cat person in waiting all these years. Pretty cool that she managed to blend in with the rest of the brood so easily.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 54 (view)
 
I just lost my soulmate.
Posted: 11/12/2018 9:06:46 AM
Rise - in Message 50, I have read a lot of truly horrible and nasty things in these forums, but wishing someone was American because, according to your claim, they have a 1 in 300 chance of being murdered is by far the worst to date. And you posted it on Remembrance Day - just no words.

July, I really think you should contemplate what John has to say. You don't seem to be over the emotional aspect of your previous relationship and I am not referring to the financial challenges that remain. You have mentioned things that make me wonder why you are preoccupied with some aspects of his life, such as why he gets to have a relationship with a pretty, thin blonde. In my opinion, you are looking at some superficial characteristics that you know very little about and making a lot of assumptions. It's like Micki mentioned in another post about nice houses with no furnishings. Things can appear one way, but reveal themselves to be very different below the surface. In my opinion, the more energy you give toward thinking about/ resenting him and things he "seems" to have, the less you have for things that matter like creating the future you desire.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 522 (view)
 
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/5/2018 5:55:10 PM
Finances are awkward for sure when it seems like you are the only one without deep pockets. I am surrounded by people who travel internationally at least twice a year; go to professional hockey games; concerts; dinners as a matter of course. Their conversations are around their renovations and new vehicles. They are coupled up. It is a different world. I went out last week to network. I had two beer and deep fried dill pickles (an appetizer). It was 38.00 before the tip. I went because I felt it was important to get my name out there more. But it isn't something I could pull off regularly. And dating is awkward financially as well. The last two men I dated made 180 and just over 200 respectively. I didn't feel comfortable in their circles. Both the women AND the men in those circles are extremely well maintained. In comparison, I cut my own hair. I just don't live in their world. If you figure it out how to make it work July, please be sure to let me know.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 36 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/27/2018 5:19:52 PM
I don't really understand the safety and financial security requirements. Safety is situational. I would not expect anyone to run into a burning building for me and likely end up dead or seriously injured themselves. One encounters a fair number of meth-heads and others off their meds around where I work. I wouldn't expect someone to come to my rescue or defense with one of them. I have barely missed being punched out a couple of times - just walking to the bus after work. No one stepped in to assist and I was not expecting it. I think it's more important for me to be aware of my surroundings and be scouting my way out when I encounter those people. If a partner were with me, I would hope he would exercise common sense and look to get us out rather than defend us against someone beyond even the effects of a properly used taser. But you live in a small town so maybe things are different in your environment.
In terms of money, your financial security is up to you. The financial security of your three children is up to you and their father, who I recognize the courts may have to step in on. I understand your family likely has financial resources that have helped you and your three children out and that there will be money left to you, however, in the long run, you need to figure out how to provide for you and your children, together with your ex partner. While I have known of situations where men have stepped in and helped provide for someone else's children but those situations have been rare and appear to be getting less common rather than more common. Regardless of finding someone who may be willing to take care of you and yours financially, there is no guarantee of forever. While 35 is much younger than me, I also don't consider it at all young. A really serious relationship takes time to develop so I wouldn't see you in a really serious relationship until age 37, even if you started that relationship today. Relationships fail all the time. People get sick all the time. What is there for you financially now and through sickness and break-ups and into retirement takes planning and you are far from too young to start.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Triggers in profile photos
Posted: 10/22/2018 1:12:42 PM
Agree about the toupees. Mind you, quite a few women I know wear extensions and a few wear wigs (only one looks obvious) so I'm not sure it's that different.
Looks are often very subjective anyways. There are not many men where I live that I find even remotely attractive. But they are mostly coupled up with someone pretty good looking so I guess my taste isn't that accurate. It isn't always the case that I find myself wondering how a male ended up snagging someone I perceive as a great catch relative to him. Last night I was out at a chain restaurant and there was a young man there (maybe 33) who was nothing short of a work of art. I mean the guy was beyond beautiful and freaking distracting. He walked past me twice and it was all I could do not to take my phone out and snap a photo - make the thing poster size and plaster it on my walls ... he was really something!! But, his girlfriend was pretty average in my opinion. She was younger - maybe 26 - nothing more to look at than most 26 year old females. But, she might be brilliant and beyond kind and really funny and incredibly hard-working. I have no idea. All I know is that if I were her, I'm pretty sure my basic body temperature would be elevated by at least a couple degrees each time he was near. My goodness, but he was something... getting warm in here so have to stop thinking back to him ;-).
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 66 (view)
 
Triggers in profile photos
Posted: 10/22/2018 7:02:27 AM
Grover, I don't think you should shave your beard if that is the look you like for yourself. Besides, that would still leave you with a mustache so those who don't care for facial hair still might feel less attraction. And I say that as a person who does not like facial hair. If you want to shave it because it is a change you desire, go for it. But if you want to change because you wonder if you might get more interest from females, I would not. It is one thing for us to change because we see something as a negative and want to improve, but I feel it's very different to allow outside drivers to be the impetus for that change. There is always going to be something others don't find appealing about us. We'll never please everyone or even a majority in lots of cases.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 125 (view)
 
as long as they are willing to do two jobs--blow and hand :)
Posted: 10/21/2018 9:19:04 AM
Many of the blue collar working men here have much better paying jobs than most white collar, college/university educated women and it is not uncommon to see them coupled up. I don't care what someone does for a living but their attitudes toward work would matter to me over anything long-term. I feel the tick-tock toward the end of my working years and the type of work I do has made it impossible for me to forget that one can lose the ability to work at any time. I have been working hard to earn promotions and developmental opportunities at a higher level. This means often putting in extra, unpaid hours. While I have seen some evidence that this work has been worthwhile, it will take years of continual investment to try to ensure financial security into retirement. Short of a lottery, I am never going to be like many I know who travel half the year, but I want to have the security of affording decent food, having shelter that is paid for and having a reserve to pay for the upkeep; and being able to continue to pay for medical and dental benefits after retirement (an option where I work. ) So I would need someone who understood this and supported the fact that my time can be short; that I may be in the office during weekends, and that I may be taking work home frequently and it is a high priority in my life. It's a lot to ask perhaps, but when it comes right down to it, I am aware I only have myself to depend on when it comes to ensuring financial security in my future.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 78 (view)
 
Person puts first name at end of email?
Posted: 10/21/2018 8:49:36 AM
LOL Lady in Red and Rise. You both gave me reason to smile this fall morning.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 75 (view)
 
Person puts first name at end of email?
Posted: 10/20/2018 3:34:38 PM
I haven't had FB for a couple of years, but when I did have it, I remember getting a friend request from a young girl in Spain. She had the same first name as I. didn't know her so I checked her friends to see if it was someone I should have known or recognized (kid of a friend or something). While there were not any mutual friends, the notable take away was that she had 14 others with the same first name. I have never met or encountered another human with the same first name as mine. I've lived in several areas across the country and work for an organization that has thousands of employees across the country - yet, never encountered anyone with my name. This young lady was the first ever. I presumed she was scoping out FB friends with the same first name, because it is so rare. I never put my name out there before the point where we are comfortable enough to meet. My name is way too atypical. Trails remain on the internet forever. A barely savvy person could scope out address, workplace, etc. about me once they have my name so I am pretty picky about who I give it to online.
 Curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 150 (view)
 
Would you date someone still living with their Ex?
Posted: 10/15/2018 6:32:49 AM
Endless, I'm not trying to be contrary, but she doesn't seem very separated to me. I've known of couples who share a roof for a time until finances and the like we're improved, but same bed and having sex... just doesn't seem very separated - let me rephrase that, it doesn't seem at all separated. You can find someone worthy and available for a relationship, if that's what you desire. This might be welcoming a situation with more drama than might be reasonable.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Chronic Illness? A deal breaker or not?
Posted: 10/12/2018 4:33:31 PM
It's an interesting question and one that I think depends on the type of illness and each partner's long-term needs. A youngish woman I know is just ending her treatments for breast cancer. She is engaged to a man who has a child but doesn't have much access to the child (I am told this is due to the mother, but that is only one side of the story). The woman concluding her treatments now may not be able to have children because of the treatments. There is also a slightly elevated risk of future cancers. Should he stay? I would hope so. But whether he will depends on a lot of other factors.

If the chronic illness impacts activities that one's partners deems very important, I guess it would likely not be a match made to last.

If the long-term illness is something that means the partner would have to assume a major caregiving role, that could really weigh on a person.

I would think that the answer to this would largely depend on how long the couple was together prior to the chronic illness developing, although I have known of people together for long periods of time who either left their partner or started "seeking the comfort of others" following the diagnosis of a long-term illness.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 77 (view)
 
Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/12/2018 9:27:17 AM
There is a clear bias emerging toward cake here. Pity the poor ignored cookie or brownie. Is there anything more wonderful than a dense, moist brownie? Dixie Lee (a chicken place) used to have the best brownies! I've been craving a decent brownie lately. What about a spicey molasses cookie? Yum. Just not getting the pro-cake bias around here these days ;-).
In response though, I get where Micki is coming from.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 106 (view)
 
Worst reasons you've given when dumped?
Posted: 10/9/2018 2:37:32 PM
July, why would you want to adapt/change based on what he might possibly have for reasons? I could understand if this was a long-term and significant relationship and you were both working to make it better, but it sounds like this guy was rather short-term due to his own choices. "On paper," he honestly doesn't sound like his character is worth the effort in my opinion. Do you have any idea why he still seems to mean so much to you?
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 281 (view)
 
Not looking for hookups anymore
Posted: 10/9/2018 2:32:17 PM
Sometimes, reading here reminds me of Paul Harvey's, "The Rest of the Story." (does anyone else remember that show)?

Thanks for looking that one up Ladyinred. I was wondering too.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/9/2018 2:27:20 PM
I don't have typical ideas about what is attractive. I cannot imagine finding it interesting to look at someone like a "Brad Pitt" type over any length of time. I find the "standard" ideal of attractiveness rather white bread - bland.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 62 (view)
 
Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/9/2018 9:09:59 AM
I go to Vancouver and other parts of the Sunshine Coast frequently. I don't see a lot of women wearing short skirts, lots of make up, and high heels. Rather, I see women with a sense of fashion., and that often includes what used to be called the grunge look (I am probably outdated with my terminology). I often see women there with combat boots, long skirts, torn jeans, no make up, etc. I see diversity in fashion there and lots who don't fall into the short skirts, lots of make up and high heel category - but they look good. They have "a look" and carry it off well. I agree that there are fewer who are overweight and that goes for both genders. Part of it is lifestyle. Vancouver and other places along the Sunshine Coast get little to no snow and it makes the news when they get any. There are lots of people who walk lots of places and it is not uncommon to run into sidewalk congestion. It is just easier to move around outdoors when you aren't trudging through a lot of snow or trying to avoid cracking your head open on ice - the reality here most months of the year and I suspect the reality where you are as well July. There is also something to be said for social norms. When the norm is to be fashionable; to eat lightly; and to engage in regular exercise, then a number of people are likely to conform to the norms. A fashionista would likely look odd in rural Saskatchewan. Hair extensions, tattooed eyebrows, false eyelashes, etc. would also likely look odd there. So you either adapt to the norms around you or you gravitate toward a place where you feel you fit in.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Why is finding a date a top priority?
Posted: 10/6/2018 9:44:39 AM
July, my answer is similar to cooldog's. It is about cost versus benefit. Like I said, I just don't think I have the emotional energy to do all that again. I have accepted that my time has passed. I'm okay with that, for now at least. I can't predict the future so things might change.
 curvylady1965
Joined: 12/31/2017
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Why is finding a date a top priority?
Posted: 10/6/2018 6:09:45 AM
I agree with others who have experienced changes in that regard with the passage of time. I can't point to one thing and state emphatically that it is because of that one reason. Rather, there are so many experiences that I can look back on to help me understand why dating or a relationship is not a top priority. I've experienced a lot of loss (many deaths) and the real threat of loss of my most significant adult relationship (my ex endured stage 4 cancer while we were together). Most of the deaths have occurred since I was 48 (I am approaching 53) and I still feel a sadness about them. So I have learned over time that very significant relationships can be lost in a heartbeat. I have also experienced many married men approaching me for "dating." Perhaps it is the geographic area I am in. When the AM hack happened, I remember my city being rather high in numbers of participants. So I have learned over time to not believe that all happy-appearing relationships are actually happy.
The types of relationships I have changed over time. The number of relationships are fewer but they have more depth to them. Do they make me "happy?" I don't know. I have always found that a difficult concept to truly understand. I can say that I feel truly content with them.
However, I can also see that I may change again and want a more intimate type relationship in the future. My ex and I are very close and spend a lot of time together and support one another extensively. There is no bitterness. There is no vindictiveness. There is only understanding and an understanding of what the other needs and profound efforts to ensure both of us are as okay as possible. In short, my relationship with him and my relationship with the friends I have help to fulfill a lot of needs for a sense of closeness. The flip side is that I am inundated with "relating" to others in my professional life and need to have alone time as a result. If my work changes to something more isolated and/ or my ex and I don't spend as much time together, I can certainly see myself experiencing loneliness and a need to at least expand my circle of friendships. However, a male-female relationship takes a lot of legitimate effort on both parts; I don't think I have the emotional energy to pursue that style of relationship ever again.
 
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