Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

          

Show ALL Forums
Posted In Forum:

Home   login   MyForums  
 
 Author Thread: Deodorant, perfume and cologne: Do we really need 'em?
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 93 (view)
 
Deodorant, perfume and cologne: Do we really need 'em?
Posted: 2/20/2010 3:17:38 PM

Julia Roberts and Matthew McConaughey, two sex symbols, do not wear deodorant.


I agree. On a daily basis, I shower, shave, and use deodorant. However, on a date night I skip the deodorant. It takes quite a few hours for bacteria to work on perspiration to create b.o. and in the meantime your natural pheromones are not noticeable. I never use cologne or aftershave either.

Note to women - Some of us, myself included, don't care for perfume, but, if you must, a dab of cognac or good scotch behind your ears is a what many men really want. :)
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Attempt to dispel the three day calling after 1st meet myth
Posted: 2/20/2010 8:45:54 AM

Has a woman ever truly been impressed by a man she found "1st meet interesting" when he didn't call her within three days of their first meeting?

Does a guy really think he looks "better" in the eyes of a woman he is interested in after their first meet if he waits some predetermined amount of time after the first meeting?


Games, games, games.... won't you (other) guys ever learn?

If you are playing at dating like you play poker you will lose some really great women, the ones who do not play games. You will win some really bad women who: 1.) Play a better game than you, or 2.) Are victimized by your games.

IF I am interested in a woman during the first "interview" meeting I will most likely ask for a real date right then and there. Otherwise I will call within 24 hours. I'm interested, I already told her so at the first meeting.

IF the woman sees me as too "desperate" (your word), I don't care. There are a lot of women on this board but the really great ones are always in short supply everywhere and to delay is to lose out.

She should feel flattered that I am openly interested but if she is a game player she may see this as a power shift to her and attempt to manipulate me that way. That would be a serious error in her judgment and very quickly I would drop her without ceremony.
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 38 (view)
 
What else do you want to know about me?
Posted: 2/16/2010 3:39:15 PM
It appears that you are attracting the kind of men who are interested only in themselves. Having seen your pictures and read your profile they now wish to tell you enough about themselves to make the next step, which doesn't have much to do with them knowing you any better.

Time to change something. Your written profile is a good place to start. When you ask them questions about themselves, in addition to the answers, they should be asking you more in depth questions about yourself. If they don't, that's a message. The message is that they have no interest in learning what's under your surface.


'what else do you want to know about me?'


OK, here are some questions for them. :)

How ofter do you meet with your parole officer?
How many children do you have?
How many children are you supporting?
Are you up to date in your support payments?
Have you ever had a restraining order against you?
Have you ever been arrested for domestic violence?
Have you ever been arrested for DUI?
Do you get along well with your parents?
How many of the 12 steps have you completed?
Then, of course, you may ask about real estate holdings and stock positions.

After all, he gave you permission to ask.

I think it's time to Go Fishing again.
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 8 (view)
 
how aggressive is he after SHE made 1st contact
Posted: 2/16/2010 2:57:00 PM

If convos/emails seemed good (usually handful to couple dozen), should I contact again? and what would the waiting period be? Day?2? week?


I can't speak for you, but, for me, one to three emails and it's time to save the fingers and talk. I give my phone number and ask for hers at the same time as well as asking a convenient time to call.

Reasoning: IF anything can be misunderstood, it WILL be misunderstood using email. The sooner you can get voice to voice, the better. IF the conversation is going well set a meeting up right then.

How aggressive? I don't know what that means. The idea is to move along reasonably quickly so that interest is not lost. As the old saying goes in sales, "If you keep talking after the customer agrees to buy, you are buying it back (defeating yourself)."

You read her profile, she read yours, there is already interest on both sides. Email once or twice to be polite then to move to the telephone. Once on the phone misunderstandings of wording are less and it quickly becomes clear if both of you really want to meet. If you like what you hear the last part of that FIRST telephone conversation should be spent agreeing on a time and place to meet.

By the way, that's a very creative profile you have written. It may be a little over the top for some less confident women, but, then, perhaps you are better off weeding out the less confident women.
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 50 (view)
 
different tastes
Posted: 2/13/2010 8:36:48 AM
He's a drunk.

You are not, or, at least don't wish to be.

Regardless of what you think you can do to change him, you cannot. He is dragging you down to his level.

As an employer the best thing that can be done for a drunk is fire him.
As a lover the best thing you can do for a drunk is leave him.

A drunk must hit his own personal bottom before he can begin to realize how low he had gotten, how he no longer has any self respect, friends except other drunks, and that his entire life has turned to sh*t with no end in sight. ONLY when a drunk has reached that level of self awareness can he start to look for a way out and up. Only then can he start to get better.

AFTER he has recovered you, or he, may decide you would like to see each other, or maybe not, but right now he does not deserve you and YOU are prolonging his problem by staying around.
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 12 (view)
 
What in the world did I have to do with your last marriage?
Posted: 2/13/2010 7:56:42 AM
It isn't what you had to do with my last marriage, it's what I learned from it.

On the plus side, children have a legal name and a more stable environment in which to grow and there is a legal contract to see to their welfare until grown.

Other than children I can think of no good reason to remarry.

A marriage is a three party contract, woman, man, and the state.

OTOH, I have friends who have been living together for more than 20 years, own businesses together, go everywhere together, and, in fact, are committed solely to each other. Both are very attractive people, now financially in the upper 1/10 of 1% of this country and have been through all kinds of hell in the time they have been together. In that kind of relationship the "good behavior" toward each other continues as there is nothing holding two people together than the desire to be together.

When the desire to be together turns to a desire to be apart, the biggest hindrance with moving on with life is the marriage contract with the involvement of courts, attorneys, required marriage counselors. The breakup is disturbing enough without all the third parties.

I don't want any more children and I don't go out with women of child bearing age so there is no need for marriage. Commitment, yes, marriage, no.
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 52 (view)
 
From Hello to Hell Dating On POF
Posted: 2/11/2010 6:34:11 PM
I have to disagree. Perhaps it's my age, profile, or some unknown quantity, but, of the women on this list I have actually met EVERY ONE of them has been an interesting conversationalist, a good person, and someone I would be happy to have as a friend.

On the downside, no one so far has really lit my fire, (well, one almost did) but, that's just part of the process.

I read profiles carefully and I don't write to someone who appears to be trouble, or, if it's too tempting, after writing we talk for some time on the phone and then agree to meet (or not). I have had no bad experiences with any woman I have met on this board, each one has been a unique person unto herself. Perhaps not a match for me, but still, every one I have met personally I would not hesitate to recommend to a male friend looking for her qualities.

I do, however, have one gripe. If average body means 40 pounds overweight, I need to somehow adjust what I read. Not that plumpers aren't wonderful people, they just cannot keep up with my lifestyle.

But back to the main topic of "Hell dates," I think that problem is caused by not correctly writing your own profile and positively stating what you do want AND qualifying the prospect when on the telephone.
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Different ways to say 'let's have sex tonight'?
Posted: 2/8/2010 9:56:01 PM
If he's being a smartass just tell him to shutup and hang his underwear on the doorknob and get back in bed.

If he's still a smartass tell him you're going to gag, handcuff him and have your way with him at your leisure.

Go to your bedroom, take off all your clothes, put a pillow under your ass and call him in there and tell him his penalty is waiting for him, shutup and get to work.

Ask him if he's ever shaved a kitty.

"What's up?" Tell him if he doesn't come up with a better question you are going to get very creative with him and it may involve him having to wear your panties.... out in the front yard.

Or, whatever outrageous threat you are comfortable making to him. (All those would work for me)

Ad infinitum
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 11 (view)
 
How to establish a spark with a girl while on a date
Posted: 2/8/2010 9:03:49 PM
It looks to me from what you wrote that neither of you has had much experience with starting a conversation with a member of the opposite sex. I think she is feeling just as awkward as you and there is some interest there or she wouldn't be going out with you again.

Honesty works. It's OK to say, "I really don't have much experience at this but I'm glad you are here." For which she may admit the same thing. Now this wouldn't work with a first date with Aloo but for a shy girl it might make her feel less alone. After the discussion of mutual shyness you may still have to lead the conversation.

Light smartassed questions would be a good start. "Have you ever had beer for breakfast? I hear it goes well with eggs benedict. The Germans consider wheat beer to be breakfast beer. Or, some other off the wall silly factoid you know because of your education and life experience. You DO know hundreds of useless and relatively unknown facts and one or two might spark some interest. Do you know the difference between scotch and beer? Scotch is distilled beer without the hops. You are a fountain of useless amusing information, you just haven't dug into yet. Don't stay there too long, ask her stuff to get her talking. The more she starts talking the better "experience" she will have. People like to talk, they just want to feel they're in a safe accepting atmosphere. Did you ever eat a mudpie when you were little?

Once the dam breaks, you'll both be babbling away like she does with her girlfriends when they all go to the lady's room together. That's another good question, what do they talk about?

Keep us posted on progress.
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Men who have been divorced and single for 3 or more years...
Posted: 2/8/2010 8:03:39 PM
Some men take longer to recover from a divorce than others. While my divorce wasn't all that traumatic, many years ago I had a breakup which really affected me and I consciously decided to spend a minimum of 6 months not dating, not drinking (at all, it was depressing) exercising heavily, etc. In essence I became a monk. It was 9 months before I had a date.

Three years, ask him about it. He may have recently decided that he IS ready for a woman in his life again. Healing takes time.

"Buy the ticket, take the ride." Hunter S. Thompson
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Safe dating in the internet age
Posted: 2/8/2010 7:48:48 PM
From my perspective, I don't care if a woman wants to run a background check on me. I have no felony, misdemeanor, restraining orders, domestic violence, etc. anywhere in my past. ) In fact if I did I couldn't have a FL CWP. Anyone who does have one has passed a serious federal (NCIC) background check.

Speaking for my daughter who is single and dating, I'll be glad to run a background check on ANY man she dates. I'll check criminal, civil (lawsuits,etc.) and traffic (for DUI).

As for women I date, no, why bother? When it gets to the living together stage, maybe, but there's no danger to me. I did have one POF date whose purse clunked. I felt safe and protected, she was carrying a 9mm when I was unarmed. It didn't dawn on my until a day later that she might have been carrying because she didn't know ME. I still find that humorous (but OK).

Perhaps a Forum topic: "What are your feelings about your date packing heat?"
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Have I overeacted????????????
Posted: 2/8/2010 4:19:49 PM
Falling in love is something that has nothing to do with smart or stupid. I have read enough of what you wrote, you are NOT overreacting.

You already know the answer, stay away from him and keep him away from you.

What you are really asking is how can you protect yourself if he stalks you and won't leave you alone.?

The answer to that may require for you to wait until he does something scary then talk to the authorities and get a restraining order against him. Sooner is better than later. Better, talk to local law enforcement NOW. Some police departments will send someone out to have a quiet "chat" with your ex. Nothing big, just to let him know that they know. No matter how angry he is that you have "rejected" him, he will realize that anything that happens to you will make him the immediate number one suspect.

In the meantime do the obvious: change your telephone number, your locks, move if you can and otherwise publicly disappear from his sight. No Facebook, no Myspace, get a different email address (AOL is good at protecting passwords, Yahoo, Google, and some of the others are not). Let your friends know of your new email address and why.
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
 
is it wrong to hate?
Posted: 2/8/2010 3:43:20 PM
No, it's just part of the healing.

With time and healing you will then feel apathy toward him. You are then healed.
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 1024 (view)
 
Why do stunning women go for geeks
Posted: 2/7/2010 11:35:00 AM
I think you have it backwards. There are shallow women who go strictly on your looks and there are deep women with whom you cannot possibly communicate. There are many intelligent women on this board and most are beyond shallow except when they want a quicky or one night stand from a studly man.

It's as though an intelligent women can think in extra dimension invisible to the less than average IQ guy.

After the first 10 or 15 minutes of being with someone new, the surface beauty disappears and the underlying person shines through. Many "geeks" are highly intelligent, sensitive to what the other person is saying, understand what is really meant and can have a deep conversation which goes on for hours.

FYI: IRL, looks attract at 50 feet in a bar, but, real long term sexual attraction is between two minds first, bodies second.
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 33 (view)
 
My first online disaster. Help and advice needed!
Posted: 2/7/2010 11:00:39 AM
OK, you did it. It's over. It's probably no big deal. A relationship that didn't work out, Go Fishing.

Here's the lesson which Oliver North learned years ago. Email (now text messages) is forever.

When you send someone "saucy" text or email be sure it's someone you really trust. You might find your messages posted later in other online chat rooms, forums, etc. The rule is: "Protect yourself at all times" and do not text or email anyone anything that would embarrass you if it appeared in your local paper.

Yes, people keep a record of IMs, emails, and text messages. Some people get vindictive when the affair is over and try to damage the other party.

I too love Hot Talk but DO NOT PUT IT IN WRITING. Keep the Hot Talk on the phone where there are laws against recording.
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 83 (view)
 
how to respond to last minute cancellations
Posted: 2/7/2010 10:43:20 AM
I have only had this happen once and I am grateful as I was looking for a kind way to get out of what was a bad match for me. She thought the same, perhaps for different reasons, but so what?

My response was, "OK , thank you for letting me know" as she could have simply been a no show. I appreciated that and think no less of her, perhaps more as she did it before I had to.

Now, the real question is, " Why four in a row?" That seems too many statistically and if it were happening to me I would seriously review my profile and replay the conversations in my head to see if I had given some "turnoff" signals I was unaware of. I would even go so far as to practice my conversation up to and including getting the date with a girl friend. By that I mean a girl who is a friend and who might help you avoid certain loaded words and phrases which only women have a dictionary for.

The best way to look at this, after checking out what you're projecting, Go Fishing. There is NO shortage of good women on this board.
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 287 (view)
 
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 2/6/2010 4:43:44 PM
This species of woman has always existed in Florida and seems to be highly concentrated in the Miami Beach area. They can be found at expensive bars sizing up men by the cut of their clothes, the brand of his watch (they can id a Patek Phillipe, Audemars, or Vacheron at 30 feet) no steel Rolexes need apply. They know custom suits differ from Nordstrom's off the rack and quickly id custom shoes. Gentlemen, bring your spearguns, these babes are barracudas.

A tip off for POF profile readers is that she always wants the first meeting at the bar of an expensive restaurant so she can at least get a $150 to $300 meal even before you get to know her.

I confess, I don't have a problem with the first meeting at the bar of an expensive restaurant and have met some wonderful women. However, if after the third date she has shown no interest in you by offering to pick up a check, cooking dinner for you at her place, or otherwise shown some interest in YOU, regardless of how much in love you think you are, move on. You may, you have paid for and own the relationship 100% and may call off the game when you wish.
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 112 (view)
 
Lack of basic language skills stunning! Is it my age group or area?
Posted: 2/6/2010 3:54:57 PM
I think you should read your own profile with care. It seems you are slanted toward blue collar workers with your wording. Generally you will attract men who feel they have a chance with the woman whose profile they are reading. Yours shows an acceptance of plumbers, electricians, and roofers, none of whom usually have a degree in English nor is grammar and spelling a priority in their lives.

Write your profile to attract what you want, but, just as importantly, write it to cause self elimination of those you don't want.

As for the remainder of your questions, there are many intelligent blue collar workers who through life experience or other learning make wonderful lovers and life companions.

... and, there are many highly educated men who write well and know how to appear warm and caring and are scoundrels.

If you really dig a rodeo rider and he's hot, sensitive, and in to you, don't expect him to help you write your doctoral thesis.
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Do I kiss him?
Posted: 2/6/2010 3:26:37 PM
Go out with him and decide what YOU want to do. Don't start playing "disinterested games" or any other unless you really are disinterested. Many men (myself in particular) have a habit of taking what a woman does, ssys, and acts at face value and acting accordingly. If you were to act disinterested to me, you are disinterested and I'm gone.

OTOH - If you are interested and want to kiss him again, do so. If it bothers you the next day, don't see him again. Go with your real feelings and ACT according to your real feelings.

The truth is in your past, lies are in your future.
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 16 (view)
 
One night together, then...
Posted: 2/6/2010 2:47:12 PM
Who knows the mind of a woman? (or what woman knows the mind of a man?

All you can do is control your own behavior which sounded exemplary as things progressed mutually and you enjoyed each other.

When she wants to "just be friends" you know, I know, we all know, it's over.

Your response should be, "Thank you, it's been fun being with you. Good bye." all said or written very nicely then disappear. When (not if) there is a problem in her new/old/other relationship she will remember how you treated her, how she felt, how civil you were, and, you just may get a call.

Regardless, you're on this board, Go Fishing, there is NO shortage.
(OK, be a modern, sensitive, warm, caring man. Cry one night then Go Fishing.)
 CA_ExPat
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 59 (view)
 
Hateful Emails from Rejects
Posted: 1/30/2010 3:52:14 AM
An email tells you far more about the sender and there is really no reason to either send or respond to "hateful, derrogatory, etc." messages.

I get a number of messages from women who just from their profiles are not suitable for me and it usually takes a few minutes to think of the right thing to write without being hurtful.

There really is no good excuse for writing something hurtful to someone you never met, or, for that matter, someone you have met. It's a waste of time and does nothing for you and who you are.

When I get a "nastygram" based on my profile, I usually accept that it's some issue or the "playing of old tapes" in the sender's head and I may or may not respond but never in kind. My usual reaponse is "OK, thank you" and that ends it.

I have had derrogatory comments that were meant to start a dialog and a relationship. This became evident after responding to what they were writing and then getting a response back that they really would like to meet me. That won't happen but I will be nice about it.
 
Show ALL Forums