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 Author Thread: Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 652 (view)
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 4/20/2012 10:08:55 AM
I don't mind if someone's living with their parents, within reason.

If they're taking care of their parents like I do, then I definitely respect them for that. It's not easy looking after your folks, but they looked after us, so it's only fair.

For others they might just be in financial difficulties. Maybe they're back at school and don't need the extra financial burden of rent. Or they may be switching to a new job and keeping their costs down until they're stable.

It's only the ones who live with their parents because they can't function on their own that I have a problem with.
I mean, I can do laundry and clean, and cook... to a degree. :p
I'm perfectly self sufficient.

But I've come across people who have no clue how to turn on a washing machine. Or who never do dishes. Or live off of bread and mustard in their fridge alone. Yeah, those people I won't waste my time with.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 146 (view)
You are Hot!!!
Posted: 4/20/2012 9:56:11 AM
I could understand having a problem with people fixated on appearances, or who can't put together a sentence beyond "You are hot" (often sadly spelt with your). :p

But in general it's a compliment. While I generally would use beautiful or stunning myself to describe a woman I find to be so, there's nothing really wrong with "hot".

If a woman tells me I'm hot, I generally thank her for the compliment. At least when there's more to the message than that.
If the "you are hot" is all I get from them, then I generally just ignore the message. If they can't start a conversation then I'm not wasting my time with them.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
POF Sensless Sex
Posted: 4/20/2012 9:36:47 AM
So you're looking at just casual sex with a stranger.
Well, I'm sure you could enjoy it for a time. Of course you'd naturally want to get to know the person before getting intimate... unless you don't like your life or health.

It would also help to know who else they're doing it with. Are you helping them cheat on someone?
Do they shack up with someone different every night?
How many diseases are they carrying?

Of course, once the sex happens, it might be "no strings" to begin with, but it NEVER stays that way.
Someone will always start getting attached to the other, sex does that, and you can't do anything about it.

So maybe if you just switch partners as the attachement starts setting in... that might work.
Though it's far more effort than just finding someone you can connect with. :p
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
POF Sensless Sex
Posted: 4/20/2012 8:56:48 AM
Well, I've come across my fair share of people on here that would definitely qualify as "senseless". :p

But just what do you mean by senseless sex?
Are you talking one night stands and the like?
Or taking advantage of someone who's drunk?
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 39 (view)
D/s v's Vanilla
Posted: 4/19/2012 9:43:08 AM
The lifestyle is something that takes time to understand.

I see countless people jump into relationships with someone and get hurt because of it. They think that to be submissive they need to just give up who they are to someone. And that's simply not how it works.

It took me quite some time to get used to being a Dom and Master. It's not easy on either end of the spectrum.
One of the things that people have to understand is that there's no set way that things work. Everyone will have their own preferences, limits and styles. You have to really get to know the person and where they stand as well as understanding yourself.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 118 (view)
Posted: 4/17/2012 12:26:41 PM
There is nothing wrong with being in a poly relationship.

Now, being in a poly relationship means that everyone involved is aware of each other and accepting of the situation.

As soon as it becomes a secret it's cheating.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 18 (view)
Phone sex operator
Posted: 2/27/2012 2:55:42 PM
Generally they're not great paying jobs. You tend to make very little until you get yourself a stable supply of regulars. Even then, you'd make far more money with other jobs.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
What do you think they mean...
Posted: 2/22/2012 7:27:56 AM

I've had a few girlfriends in the past several years that during the heat of the moment have said "do whatever you want (to me)". Can I ask for your intelligent and respectful opinion?

It means that by now you should know them well enough to know what they enjoy and what their desires are. So that when given control you'll know exactly what's expected of you, and what you need to do to truly satisfy them.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 96 (view)
The bathroom mirror pic; why so bad?
Posted: 2/14/2012 6:50:12 AM

But........ why?

Everyone has their preferences. And things that they look for or avoid.

What is so bad about a bathroom miror self pic?

For many, it comes across as "lazy". You can't be bothered to take a "nice" picture, so you just take a quick shot in the mirror and post it.
Others might see it as a sign that you don't have friends. After all, is it so hard to ask a buddy to snap a couple of pictures?

What turns people off so much about these pics?

Doesn't bother me for the most part.
The ones that I don't care for, are the mirror pics that are attempting to be "seductive". Because posting such things just sort of feels like the person's being a little slutty (men or women). And the shirtless pics of course turn off women like kryptonite.
If you want to send that half-dressed, pouty picture to someone... fine. That's your choice. But when it's on your profile, it just lessens it somehow.

I've had plenty of ladies send me sexy pics once we got a connection between us. But they wouldn't post such on their profile for just anyone to see.
And they don't post basic mirror pics either, because of the reasons above. Basically, they want to show people that they have friends who can take their pictures, and that they can take the effort to have a good picture taken. Because they don't want someone to think they wouldn't put effort into things (like a relationship).
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 46 (view)
Why do you want to be in a Relationship? or Not?
Posted: 2/14/2012 6:24:17 AM
I am happy with who I am. I enjoy my life.
I have a lot of love in me, and I'd like to share it with those I find worthy of it.

I've never been one to believe that you need another to "complete" you. If you feel incomplete, then I think you should find that missing part of yourself before you go out seeking a relationship.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 17 (view)
Valentine's Day gifts
Posted: 2/14/2012 6:21:21 AM
I was given a rose once. It was the first time I'd been given flowers.

But I don't really celebrate Valentine's Day. I enjoy the passion and romance and little gestures of love every day of the year. Why wait for a specific day?
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 22 (view)
Do men or women remember their best lovers more?
Posted: 2/14/2012 6:19:49 AM
It's the quality of the time we spent together, the special connections we share, that stand out in my mind.

Sure, I can remember some amazing sexual experiences... but I can remember those moments of loving bliss and romance even more.

Also, the cheaters and liars tend to stand out too unfortunately. But at least they're a lesson in what to avoid. :p
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
3's a crowd
Posted: 2/14/2012 6:10:04 AM
It's a matter of being open and honest with everyone involved. Sit down with your girlfriend and talk about what she's comfortable with, and what the limits are for you two.

Talk with your friend as well, to see what her thoughts are. AND make sure that all of you, including your friend's boyfriend, get to sit down and discuss it.

If everyone's on the same page, there's generally no issues with going through with it. Just make sure everyone's expecting the same out of the situation.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
At what point does something one enjoys become considered a fetish?
Posted: 2/14/2012 6:06:16 AM
Most people consider something to be a "fetish" if it's not something they would normally enjoy.

Of course, if it is your fetish, you'd generally want to enjoy it a lot, which would make it "normal" to you.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
Is fooling around on a first date as bad as having sex?
Posted: 2/10/2012 9:18:05 AM
I've had a "one night stand" turn into a relationship. Though it wasn't my intention to have a one night stand to begin with.

Just met a lady through an online site, who seemed really taken with me. We got together for a drink, just to get to know each other some. She had been dealing with cancer, and hadn't really had any "relationships" in some time, as she couldn't find the right headspace to meet people with all she'd been dealing with.
She got interested in me because I showed actual concern and compassion for her, as well as just being genuinely interested in getting to know her for who she was. I didn't just treat her as some cancer victim who needed to be looked after.

Drinks turned into something more intimate as the night went on, and she invited me back to her place. At first just to talk more privately, and snuggle, so she could enjoy being with someone who saw her as a woman again. And it turned into a night of passion.

I honestly didn't think it would turn into anything. I first got the feeling she just needed that physical release. But she called me back after, because as wonderful as the night together was, she was still taken with WHO I was, and not just what we did.

So we started dating more seriously for a time.

So yeah, you can't judge a relationship based on what happens the first time you meet. It's something that has to grow and develop over time. Sometimes it will, sometimes it won't. But you can't worry about what may or may not be. You just have to go with the moment.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
Is fooling around on a first date as bad as having sex?
Posted: 2/10/2012 8:46:49 AM
All you can do is decide what you're comfortable with.

There's going to be people out there with double standards. There will also be those who think as you do.

You can't get in a tizzy trying to figure out who's who. If you're into someone, and making out feels right, then go for it. If they're serious, and have a real interest in you, then they'll stick around. If they "hit it and quit it", then they're losers who aren't worth your time to begin with, but at least you got to enjoy a (hopefully) nice makeout session. :p

For me, I don't think that there's a problem with a woman "putting out" early in the relationship process. It's more of getting an idea of WHY she's doing so. If she just sleeps with anyone at any time, then that's not exactly something that wins me over. If it's because she's really just that in to me, well, that's a nice feeling.

If someone's shagging everyone they meet up with, that's a risk to you. So naturally, you'd want to be careful. If someone just sometimes moves a lot quicker than other times because of some spark they feel, still be safe, but also explore that spark and see if it goes both ways.

At the end of the day, the only person you answer to is you. If you're okay with what happens, then there's nothing to worry about.

I've told some ladies to slow things down. And I've had the odd lady who I've been physical with early on. There's no set rule, you have to go with your feelings.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 15 (view)
Confidence or Realistic?
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:28:34 AM
Confidence always helps, just make sure you don't push it to the point of being c0cky, as that can be a big turnoff.

*Stupid thing not letting me post short messages even though I made my point succinctly.*
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 209 (view)
is kinky sex ds, bdsm, a bad thing
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:19:12 AM
The only bad sex is not having any. :p

If someone's into the lifestyle, then that's great. They know what they enjoy.
Be it vanilla or kinky, knowing what works for you is important to being happy.

I'm in the lifestyle myself, and I've come across some women who thought it was "weird" or that I was some sort of "deviant". But most women I've talked to tend to be more open minded. Even if BDSM isn't something they enjoy, they can respect my tastes.
And I've introduced a number of ladies to the lifestyle. Some have decided it's not for them, others have taken to it like a fish to water. :)
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
any other ladies feel the same?
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:16:25 AM
Most of the women I've been with have had an appreciation for porn. Our tastes tended to differ some, but it was something we could both enjoy, alone or together.

I've always enjoyed it when my lady would find me porn to watch while she took care of me. Always appreciated.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 114 (view)
has anyone actually participated in a threesome?
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:14:33 AM
Threesomes can be wonderful, as long as everyone's on the same page. The problems only arise when someone has a false idea of the situation.

I have a wonderful girl, and we've enjoyed some fun times with other ladies. Though while having threesomes is all good and fun, we do hope to find someone who can join us on a regular or more permanent basis.

It can be hard to find someone who would enjoy joining a couple. We tend to find women who want to join one of us or the other, but not both. Which is a little disappointing.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 28 (view)
Do you prefer your partner to be submissive or dominating?
Posted: 2/10/2012 7:05:29 AM
I am Dominant. And I enjoy a nice sub or slave girl.
Of course, I've also had my share of vanilla relationships, which can be quite wonderful. Though admittedly over time, the whole D/s aspect did tend to sneak into the relationship.

Some people enjoy the lifestyle, some don't. What's "normal" is just what works for each person.

I have a wonderful slave right now, and I do all that I can to make her happy.
Just because we enjoy the D/s lifestyle, doesn't mean that everything's one sided. I still devote a lot of time to just doing things she enjoys.
But remember that service is something she craves. So serving me, domestically or sexually, is something that makes her happy. So while to some vanilla folks some aspects might seem "one sided", it's really not. Because she'd be unhappy if she COULDN'T have a chance to serve.

We're seeking a special someone who might eventually join us for something lasting and long term. She wouldn't have to be someone who's as submissive as my girl. She could even be a switch, or a Domme with my girl, and more vanilla with me. We have a healthy D/s relationship, so with a third, we're open to all sorts of possibilities.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 30 (view)
Choking during sex
Posted: 6/21/2011 9:28:47 AM
I've known plenty of girls who enjoy breath play. It can be a wonderful if you've found someone who knows what they're doing.

Just be careful, because there are a lot of inexperienced people out there who can be dangerous.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
I don't want to be fwb, not sure about him though
Posted: 4/5/2011 12:36:06 PM
He might not have been interested in a booty call. Maybe he was just flirting?
I've contacted a lady friend with comments like "Hey there sexy lady" and such before. Didn't mean I wanted to have a fling or anything. It's just how I am.

If you want to know what he wants… ASK HIM.
If you want to see him, then don't play games with him. Just either see him, or don't.
This whole "I want to see him, but I'll tell him I don't" is just stupid mind games. And will just end up ruining everything for you.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 30 (view)
Being judged for a fetish
Posted: 4/4/2011 11:43:06 AM
Whatever you're into, as long as it's not harming anyone... is just fine.
If your "friend" doesn't like it... then tell her to take a hike. If she can't accept that you enjoy some things that she doesn't, why put up with her?
Does she force you to enjoy things that she likes and you don't? Maybe next time, pick one of the things that she has a fetish about, and tell her how wrong and sick it is. :p
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 103 (view)
Would you be in a poly relationship
Posted: 3/31/2011 8:10:08 AM
Yeah, sadly there's too many out there who don't see the difference between poly and cheating.

In a poly relationship, everyone is fully aware, and approves, of everyone else involved. There's no secrets, no sneaking around.

If there's any secrets or lies, then it's not poly, it's cheating.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 26 (view)
How do you pick up a third person
Posted: 3/29/2011 11:15:45 AM
It takes time to find someone to join you.
Now, if it's just for some fun, then it's a little easier. As there's always some out there just looking for a fling.

The real challenge is finding someone for something lasting.
My girl and I have been seeking that special someone who might (in time) join us for something long term. It's a hard search, but we're persistent. :p
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
How do you want your lover to tell you what she likes?
Posted: 3/28/2011 11:10:55 AM
I like it when they just tell me what they enjoy, and let me know how things are going for her. If she wants it harder, ask for it to be harder.
Simple communication.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 130 (view)
How important is a THREESOME???
Posted: 3/23/2011 11:33:21 AM

so the guys who are into poly prefers two women, but not two guys and one woman? a little selfish I would think?

Not at all. Different dynamics for different people. Some people like MMF, some MFF, and everything else out there.
Being enjoying being with more than one woman doesn't mean I'm selfish. As my girl wants a woman as well.

so what if the woman you're with requests two guys will you honour her request or persuade her that she's wrong and lets stick with two women instead?

Well, it's something that's discussed early in the relationship. My girl and I talked about the whole poly thing. I told her how I am not comfortable sharing my woman with another man. She's quite happy with that, because she doesn't want to ever be with any man but me.
She WOULD like to be with a woman. And I don't mind her having a girlfriend. She would prefer that woman being with both of us. I've told her she can just have a girlfriend, who isn't involved with me. But that's not what she wants.
She is okay with my having another girlfriend, even if that girl wasn't involved with her. But I'm not overly interested in having someone who's not with both of us.

So we're both seeking another woman to join us. And not just for sex. We hope to find someone who we can form a closed and committed relationship with. Someone who would be as important to us as we are to each other.

If she wanted to be with multiple men, I would have told her that I couldn't be comfortable with that. And she'd be quite in her right to decide not to be with me. You have to find someone who seeks the same things you do.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 125 (view)
How important is a THREESOME???
Posted: 3/23/2011 8:23:27 AM
I'm poly myself. As is my girl.
The both of us would love to find someone special who might join us for a closed and committed relationship. Naturally, these things come in time, just like any relationship.

But we'd also be open to just someone to join us for some fun. This would have to be someone that we get to know first, and who we feel comfortable with joining us for sex and play from time to time.

But while I've been in poly relationships before (usually triads), I've also had monogamous relationships. And they work just fine for me. I don't NEED more than one person. But I have it in me to love more than one at a time. I just respect what my partner can accept. If they want to be monogamous, that's fine. If they are okay with my having two separate relationships (each knowing about the other), that works. But ideally, the best is when I have two girls, who are also with each other.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 80 (view)
MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 3/23/2011 8:09:14 AM
I've joined couples before. And I would happily do so again. Or be with a woman who is honest and open about it with her husband, and he has no problems with it.

Though personally, I don't want to share my girl. Of course, she's quite happy with that. The two of us want to find a woman to have fun with, but not another man.

We're a poly couple, seeking our "unicorn" as they like to say.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
Stop being the Nice Guy!
Posted: 3/21/2011 6:50:07 AM
Yeah, I had a girl for who I planned a big Valentine's celebration (even though I normally don't celebrate Valentine's).

She called me that morning, before I'd called her to get everything rolling, to complain about how I didn't show her enough love and such. Which, Valentine's aside, is ridiculous, as spent all my time with her, took her out to things she loved, spent romantic nights at home together, surprised her with little romantic gestures and such.

I realized then and there, that it didn't matter what I did, it wasn't going to be enough to compensate for whatever issues she had. So I walked away.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 86 (view)
Posted: 3/21/2011 6:41:51 AM
Generally I just try to inform the ignorant of how things really work in the world. If they persist with the endless comments about how things that THEY don't believe in are "wrong", then I just ignore them.

And yeah, Fetlife is definitely not a dating site. Sure, there's a few groups people have started up for that purpose. But the site itself is basically a discussion forum. A way to learn about the lifestyle, find locals who share your interests, and explore what the lifestyle has to offer.
You can make some wonderful friends there. And yes, it's possible to meet someone special. But that generally comes as an aside from participating in discussions in the various groups.

And I go by AdamTaylor there if anyone wants to discuss things further without judgement… or just get to know me. What with my being incredible and all.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
phone sex/sexting before meeting someone
Posted: 3/18/2011 6:32:04 AM

Heh, a lot of people seem to love the whole sexting thing.
I've had women I've chatted to on here once or twice suddenly start sending all sorts of… interesting… messages.
I usually respond with how I haven't even seen them in person, so I don't need random perversions. :p
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 34 (view)
Long term in your 30's with a 20 yr old...
Posted: 3/17/2011 7:30:13 AM
Everyone's different. Some people mature a lot faster than others.

I've dated young women. I don't go for the mindless party girl. But a woman who's in her early 20's, and knows how to handle herself… is someone I can respect.

Yeah, I see plenty of younger women who basically get used and abused because they don't know any better. It's the ones that know how the world works, and how to cope, that stand out to me.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
Stop being the Nice Guy!
Posted: 3/17/2011 7:26:47 AM
I do all that I can to help people… but I don't ever let them walk all over me.
I might be kind and respectful and a great listener… but I'm not going to sit there as someone complains about how they should be with someone like me, then runs off with some ass. If you can't appreciate what's in front of you, you don't deserve to have it.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
Why is it wrong to have sex on the first date?
Posted: 3/17/2011 6:43:35 AM
There is no one answer.

Some people will judge you based on when you sleep with them.
Some are only looking for sex, and will disappear after they've gotten some.
Some will realize that the sex came from the natural connection you have, and appreciate it.

I usually don't sleep with someone on a first date. It's only happened a couple of times for me too. But when I have, I've never thought any less of the woman for it.
I did have one woman who slept with me the first date, and then disappeared. That hurt a little, but that's life.

Honestly, if someone just wants the sex, I would appreciate it if they were just honest about it.

Some will think that because you slept with them right away, that you must be "easy". They'll wonder if you do that with every man you meet. Others will figure you have no standards for doing so.

Basically, just do what feels right for you. If someone disrespects you for it… to hell with them.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 250 (view)
For The Guys- Would you seriously date an ex-prostitute?
Posted: 3/17/2011 6:38:51 AM
If she is done with the business (or at least the sex part), and she's been fully tested, and I know she's safe. Then yeah, sure.

I don't judge people on what they do. I've dated exotic dancers (ones who only dance, don't do "other things" for customers), one of the most important women in my life does porn (lesbian and solo work only).

Doesn't matter to me.
As long as I know that they aren't still doing things with random people… it's all good.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
phone sex/sexting before meeting someone
Posted: 3/17/2011 6:13:35 AM
Well, if you're both just looking for some sex… then there shouldn't be a problem. Your sex talk is basically a warm up. And to feel each other out, get an idea of what works for you.

You're not looking for a relationship, so it shouldn't really matter.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 76 (view)
Posted: 3/17/2011 6:12:19 AM

~OT~ I'm not in an open relationship, I'm personally not poly-minded. I do, however, live an "alternative" lifestyle. I'm absolutely certain that if I posted my particulars here on POF it would lead to all sorts of stereo-typical silliness, and even though I'm right here, stating out of my own fingers, those stereotypes are not factual (at least in the world I live in) I'd be told by complete strangers that I'm clueless. It's really too bad it is the way it is. If more people would investigate the honesty codes we (those of us in "alternative" situations) live by, they might just learn that being 100% honest about sex, sexuality, sexual fantasies, fetishes/kink, etc., etc., etc., would likely keep everyone happy and there wouldn't be such rampant cheating/lying going on. I've not been cheated on since I was married, in a monogamy based relationship. Go figure ~ you leave the social "norm" and the worst thing that can happen to you, your trust, your relationship disappears. Who would have thought? JMO

I sympathise verygreeneyez.
I know plenty of women who enjoy various aspects of the BDSM lifestyle. And when people on a vanilla site like this find out, they tend to react poorly. Calling them sick or perverted or telling them that they shouldn't let others abuse them like that. Blah blah blah.
Being 100% honest and open about everything is a wonderful thing. It's a shame that too many people are too short sighted to appreciate that. They see someone who doesn't think just as they do, and automatically think that the people are somehow "wrong".
This thread is a perfect example. There's been plenty of ignorant and bigoted posts being made here. People who decide that poly is wrong, or that poly people can't be committed and honest with their partners, just because they have no clue what poly is, or how to share their hearts with more than one person.

As an aside greeneyez, are you on Fetlife?
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 73 (view)
Posted: 3/16/2011 9:46:59 PM

Women who are willing to share a boyfriend are not looking for a long term committed relationship.

That is complete garbage. Of course they are. There's countless poly couples out there, MMF or MFF who have been in long and loving relationships. I know some triads or foursomes who have been together over 20 years.

So don't ever spout ignorant nonsense like that.

When one of the parties involved opens the monogamy discussion all bets are off.

Except that for countless people out there, monogamy is never an issue. Being honest, faithful and open is of course. Perhaps not just picking up random people on a whim (though many couples still do that).

When this happens there needs to be full disclosure and the two need to date exclusively, severing ties with other partners, or they need to go their separate ways.

Unless of course they're poly. At which point they work out just what they would seek in other partners, and how many.

Many women, myself included, may be willing to date multiple men at once but draw the line at sex. When I cross the line into a sexual relationship it is only in an exclusive monogamous relationship. It is only with full disclosure and an understanding. If the other party were not willing to be exclusive I would sever ties and move on until I found someone willing to be monogamous.

And that is your choice. You choose to be monogamous, and seek a partner who is the same. That's fine.
Doesn't work for everyone though.

If all parties are aware the dating and sex is not exclusive, adults are free to do what they want. If however it is not open and above board and the women do not know about each other it is WRONG! It is always wrong when done in secret. Having to keep it a secret proves how wrong it is.

That I agree with. One of the key elements to a poly relationship is honesty. You have to be open and honest about everything. If you're going to go out with someone new, then you let your partner(s) know about them.
I always make sure anyone new I start getting to know gets to know my girl as well. The three of us have to be able to connect. Now, it might not always be perfect. I've had women who wanted to be with me, and while they liked my girl, and would be her friend, they couldn't be sexual with her. And that's fine. Because we're all open about what's going on.

But cheating, on any level, is just wrong.
And yes, cheating happens in poly relationships just like in monogamous ones. There's always going to be scum out there.

Few women with a boyfriend they are sexually involved with would be "ok" with him taking on another woman

You'd be surprised. Especially considering there's a poly group in Toronto alone that has well over 50,000 members.

and few women are so desperate as to be seconds for a man who already has a sexual relationship with another woman.

Why should anyone be seconds? Sure, there are some who want to be a "third" in a relationship, or treated like a pet by the couple. But many triads are equal relationships. Mine have been in the past. None of us was any more important than the others.

The concept of polyamoury is a new twist on an old concept (think commune) and is not the norm.

Poly is in no way a "new twist". Loving and devoted polyamorous relationships have been around for countless years.
Just because it's something YOU can't accept, in no way makes it "wrong". And yeah, it is quite normal for people to be polyamorous.

The short answer NO, but that does not mean that some men won't try and pull it off.

The correct answer is YES, it's quite acceptable. As long as you're open and honest and respect what poly is.
If someone's a cheating **stard... well, yeah, that's another matter. LOL!

Eventually though, it will come back to bite you in the behind.

Or like most it will give you a long, lasting, and love filled relationship(s) that will be more wonderful than anything you've ever known.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 53 (view)
Where did you meet your sexiest one night stand?
Posted: 3/16/2011 7:30:44 AM
I've only ever had one "one night stand".
I was hurting and lonely at the time. A stunning blonde woman came up to me at the bar and started chatting to me. We got to talking, and we having a good conversation. Seemed to think alike about a lot of things.
We then got a seat in the corner, and started getting a little physical. It started off with her just being comforting, but soon became more intense. I told her that I was hurting, and didn't want to make her deal with my problems. She told me that she thought I was an incredible man, and didn't deserve the pain I'd suffered. And she then asked if I'd like to go back to her place to let her make me forget my problems.

I went with her, we had an incredible night of mindblowing sex. In the morning, I lay there, and told her how I'd never done that before. She had, but she told me that I was different. Normally she can have some fun, and just walk away. But with me, she wanted to see more… wanted to know everything about me… and so we decided to get together again… and again… and were together for a while.

So, it ended up being more than just one night.
But that is how it started.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 70 (view)
Posted: 3/16/2011 7:25:31 AM

Maybe when you're young and experimenting, but as you grow up, the fascination dies off.

Except that for polyamorous people, it's not a fascination, or experimenting… it's a way of life. It's just how you're wired.

Absolutely. As long as the couple are not:
1. Married
2. Engaged
3. Have both agree to an exclusive relationahip no one has any right to say anything.

I know plenty of married people who have a third (or more) involved in their relationship. Being married has nothing to do with it.
By law, you can't marry more than one person at a time (which is kind of stupid), but there's no reason you can't have as many partners as appropriate for you.

My girl and I have agreed to be exclusive. We're not going out dating other people. However, we are looking for a third. So if we get to know someone special, then we'd happily start dating her (either as a couple, or both individually).


You make some wonderful points. It's good to see others who get it.

People often seem to think that the guy with two girlfriends is greedy for having two of them. But, nobody seems to think that the woman, who gets to enjoy a boyfriend and girlfriend, is "greedy" in any way.
It just shows how ignorant and one sided these opinions tend to be. A man is horrible for wanting two girlfriends. But a woman, oh, she can have whatever she wants, that's fine. LOL!

One of the key reasons seems to be that most people think that men are pigs. Plain and simple. They expect men to be sexist and all. Women are always seen as the "victim".
I know plenty of triads where it's the WOMAN who went out to find another woman to join them. My girl has been actively seeking a woman to join us. And I love her for it.
There's also countless triads where it's two men and one woman… yet for some reason you don't see countless "Is it alright to have two BOYFRIENDS?" arguments come up.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 63 (view)
Posted: 3/11/2011 6:59:13 PM

lets be real here.

there is only one person you love in a polygamist relationship...


its all about greed and self gratification.

no need to give me a speech about how I'm ignorant or that I could not DO it, blah blah blah...

I'm not a child and I'm not naive I understand human behavior...

Everything else is a justification for one's own self.

It's pure ignorance to think that that poly relationships are all about greed and self gratification. That's the typical dogma spouted by those who think that poly in any form is "wrong".

If you can't understand being poly, or monogamy is the choice you've made... that's fine. But don't for a second think that everyone who's poly is somehow just greedy and wants everything for themselves. They're absolutely no different from any of the monogamous people out there. They simply choose not to confine their love to only one person.

The only real difference between mono and poly relationships... is the number of people involved. The love, devotion and commitment is just the same.
And of course, there's always going to be liars, cheats and players in both. :p
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 56 (view)
Posted: 3/10/2011 1:19:07 PM

I curious, how is Open different than Poly? In both cases, there is approval on the SO's part, as I understand it.

The main difference is commitment.

Now, there's countless dynamics, and every relationship is going to be different. But in broadest terms, a poly relationship involved multiple committed relationships.
So one person with multiple partners, who they love and are committed to. These partners may or may not be involved with each other (or other partners of their own).

So a woman might have two boyfriends. These men may or may not be involved with each other. But at the heart of it, everyone is dedicated to everyone else in the relationship. Everyone knows everyone else involved.
If there is someone else to be added to the relationship, it's a decision that's made after everyone involved talks about it, and connections are made.

With an open relationship, in general, there's no set rules as to who's involved or how. There will usually be a couple, who are committed to each other... but they can be have as many other partners, who come and go, as they please. Others that come in are just there for sex or satisfaction.

The two types of relationships are VERY different.

My girl and I are openly poly. We seek someone who would join us in a closed and committed relationship. Naturally, the relationship process would go like most others, we take the time to get to know each other... make sure there's a connection, and take things one step at a time.
But ideally, we would end up with the three of us, together. Myself with both of them, and they with each other. We would be faithful to each other.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 27 (view)
Emo Girls
Posted: 3/9/2011 11:38:16 AM

I dont think cutting yourself and being emo have a lot to do with each other. every girl is different

Actually, it does.
Emo is the general term for those emotionally screwed up people who are whiney, think life is meaningless, cut themselves for attention, etc…

What you're probably thinking of is GOTH. Which is basically what emo people emulate, in a sad and pathetic way.

Someone from the goth culture will usually be the "dressed in black" sort that you might see a lot. But they're not as emotionally screwed up as the emo kids.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 28 (view)
Married people on POF...
Posted: 3/9/2011 11:20:12 AM
I've come across married women on here.

There's two main groups I encounter.

There's those who try to hide the fact that they're married. Or give me the whole "well, it's over" bit. They tend to try and keep the relationship low key. They don't want people knowing. And that doesn't work for me.
And of course, there's all those who are just cheating. They admit they're married, and don't want their husband to know.

Others I've come across are married, and tell me upfront. Their husband knows that they are on here seeking another relationship, they're open about it. And I admire that. I've chatted with the husbands of couple, and when I know that the husband really is being kept in the loop, I have no problem seeing the woman.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 49 (view)
Posted: 3/9/2011 11:01:19 AM

Let's clarify.

A guy can only have 1 or 0 girlfriends.

The rest are just bed mates for him.

Very wrong.
Maybe you can't love more than one person. But there are countless people out there who can.

I've been in poly relationships before. And I loved both my girls equally. There was not a matter of playing favourites. I didn't love one and just use the other. The three of us were equal partners in the relationship.

I'm sorry boondocksaint, but comments like that simply spread the ignorance and stereotypes about polyamorous relationships.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 47 (view)
Posted: 3/9/2011 9:15:11 AM
True. There are plenty out there who are simple cheaters.
And you come across many who claim to be poly, but don't respect or understand the lifestyle. They simply try to use it as a cover to excuse their cheating or abusive ways.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 45 (view)
Posted: 3/9/2011 8:42:47 AM

Good Lord, well is it okay for your girlfriend to have two boyfriends?

If that's your dynamic, sure.
I know plenty of poly "couples" where the woman has more than one boyfriend, while the men involved are all only involved with her.
 Adam Taylor
Joined: 5/11/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
What if she gave you strep?
Posted: 3/8/2011 12:01:29 PM
Meh, if she didn't really know she was sick, then it's no big deal. It happens. I've passed on colds and flus when I wasn't feeling under the weather at the time.

If she knew she was sick, and didn't tell me, then I'd be a little annoyed. But it's not like she gave me something serious. Strep can be dealt with. Now, if she gave me herpes… well, that's another matter. LOL!
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