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 Author Thread: My ex and my best friend
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 29 (view)
 
My ex and my best friend
Posted: 10/1/2010 11:19:29 AM

That's what I do anyway
I text when I don't want to TALK to the person but I need to tell them something


Thats passive aggressive.
It doesn't sound like you forumfishie...you strike me as someone who spreads the cards on the table.

But in terms of a trait of passive aggression, I agree...its not a good sign...she obviously is probably thinking more than just a friend towards your X. Also it probably means I was wrong in my first post in ignoring your suspicion about motives till later. I missed the part where she sent a text originally.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Does she want to be more than friends?
Posted: 10/1/2010 11:11:14 AM
Don't make it into a big deal. Start out small and build up. Start with lunch or just ask her if you can buy her a coke after class. Since you are already friends, it will seem natural to do as friends. Tell her you want to go over something in lab that your confused about. So, she absolutely will say yes given what you have said already. Plan on less than 30/40 mins. long...if it seems easy than thats good, cut it off before it dries up and see about getting more time with her longer.

Go from there. I've been a mall college student before. I'm thinking you are believing that you need to plan this gigantic dinner ending with a mega sexual fireworks show. Don't think of it like that. Its just two friends going out for a small lunch/drink. No expectations....no pressure.... Hell you might take her out as friends and find out you don't want to have anything to do with her right after the waitress hands you her number on a piece of paper. Being afraid to ask is about predicting the future or having expections. You can't predict the future....and eliminate expectations.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 7 (view)
 
How to go about this?
Posted: 10/1/2010 11:03:02 AM
Find a restaurant on the route, sit behind him or talk with him....ask him about the restaurant as you pass it. Ask him if he has been there. Tell him you'd like to go. Transition the conversation from his experience there to asking him if you'd both like to go sometime if he doesn't get the hint. Have you phone # on a business card before hand, give it to him on the way out.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Does Marriage Cause Alcoholism?
Posted: 10/1/2010 10:59:13 AM
I think depression breeds Alcholism....

its an escape mechanism...same as drugs...same as porn....same as food....all of which are addictions when taken to an extreme.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Different outlooks on money
Posted: 10/1/2010 10:57:05 AM
Yes, Fredhh is right. Money is one of the major causes of divorce. I would end a relationship where our view of money did not agree. People on this site, and in the dating game, think what matter is looks. Looks fade. The things that matter are:

1. Money
2. Intimacy
3. Selfishness -vs- shared responsibility
4. Future outlook and long term future goals

None of which are in a picture or can be determined by the first rejected "Hi, how are you" only email.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 24 (view)
 
My ex and my best friend
Posted: 10/1/2010 10:51:34 AM
Yes, so likes a social affair where you need to bring someone. He asked her as a friend from what I can tell. Not sure I'd be ready to call this thing a relationship yet.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Getting ignored..
Posted: 10/1/2010 8:45:10 AM
A week...sheesh
Not buying it.

I believe rather:

If it was some hottie emailing a woman, someone they thought was perfect, they would get up every day of two weeks looking for a message.

However, if it just wasn't clicking, if it was forced in the first place, if they had another guy in the wings that was better looking but maybe not coming on as strong, a woman will drop that guy like a hot potato in 2 days -- even if you been going out for a month.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Do I need to give it up?
Posted: 10/1/2010 8:39:58 AM
A couple of things.

1. Paragraphs are your friends. Paragraphs are typically 5 to 12 sentences in length. If you have gone say 10-12 sentences without starting a new paragraph...something is wrong.

2. Its over....completely over...not even a remote possibility. He has broken up with you. He has ignored you. And, he has informed you that he is with someone else. He has been freely romantic with that person in front of you.

End of that. Time to recover and pull yourself together. You've wasted between 3 and 10 months now. Find someone new.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Does Marriage Cause Alcoholism?
Posted: 10/1/2010 8:21:00 AM
Marriage causes lots of things but mostly depression.

I'm sure it had a contributing factor is creating some alcholics. Of course, some alcholics were created as the result of divorce or death of a spouse. I don't doubt that some people stay married by staying drunk.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Am I a cougar?
Posted: 9/30/2010 12:26:20 PM
Go for it....
Even if people think you are a cougar...makes no difference. Have fun.

Just keep in mind this guy might be a player though...it works both ways.
Some young lions see the slower and much smaller cougar as an easy pray. Make sure you know what you want and it jives up.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Moveing on with out knowing the truth?
Posted: 9/30/2010 8:29:15 AM

Have some fun before the big asteroid wipes out the whole planet, as it will because they seek out the source of text messages in the universe and aim straight for it, sent by God.


Text seeking astroids.. lol Good that makes my day. In Round Rock, where I am too....radio controlled slippers nice.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Getting ignored..
Posted: 9/30/2010 8:08:34 AM
Same answer as the last question.

Shes dating and dorking some other guy. As soon as you cooled things down for a second, it allowed her to pop out of the cloudy phase. And, I agree, not making her a priority for a wedding is definitely a signal to her that she is not #1. About then she probably started something up with another guy. That guy is now new and exciting and you are now old and dull.

Sorry...but its over. She did break up with you using the "ignore and he'll go away method" Thats how it goes many times.

Yeh, what to do next. Email her/call her and tell her you met two hot coeds and after some rather rank conversations, one thing led to another and the next thing you know, it ended in an orgy. Your getting together again this weekend and you've never been happier in your life so your breaking up with her. Believe it or not, thats your best chance with her at this point.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Moveing on with out knowing the truth?
Posted: 9/30/2010 7:58:25 AM
Because there was overlap and she had been dorking some other guy probably the entire time she was dating you. In fact, 60% of all woman are working at least two men dating at the same time and you need to know that going in. You didn't make the cut....the other guy moved ahead as a priority to her. She decided to make that more serious and not to lead you on any further.

She lied to you because she felt guilty and telling you the truth would have made her even more guilty. It would have forced her to realize and for you to know there were two guys and you didn't measure up to the other guy. It really had nothing to do with you. You want to punish yourself over this and that if you knew the reason why, maybe you could have changed her mind? Why? Just go into the closet, get a belt out and slam it against your back for awhile and it will give you the same feeling.

Move on...she didn't tell you for her own "selfish" reasons....its got nothing to do with you.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 38 (view)
 
I never been in a relationship yet I'm called gay, Why?
Posted: 9/29/2010 8:59:26 PM
DONT I DESERVE TO BE LOVED

Your loosing it man. When I read your posts, they sound like Pahud from Mall Cop.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29-yaSZQ3K4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6hnvHCk0us&p=F80C8D8EC34A99D8&playnext=1&index=46

Pull it together....talking about death and murder is really over that invisible line of acceptability. Believe you will succeed and you will. Whine about failure and be a vibration of failure and you will only attract more failure. Stop whining, ask 50 woman out, and one of them will say yes....its just the way it works.

No woman (or even gay man for that matter) is attracted to whinning and complaining...your not even going to get pity sex like that.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Why men go circles? why they are back with ex's?
Posted: 9/29/2010 3:22:12 PM
Well you list evidence of going back with your ex and then poof, in the end, you prove yourself wrong, since he went to a different ex.

If someone has kids and they want to be a good father, they have to keep in touch with their ex to raise their children. Thats called responsibility and its a desierable trait. Why he would want to go back with her sexually I have no idea, but it certainly is not something that the entire race of men will do.

Looking at your profile , he must be insane....so perhaps you are dating men that are insane.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 28 (view)
 
This is eating at me.
Posted: 9/29/2010 11:49:13 AM
Its very difficult to get over a big relationship like a marriage. Its common for people to believe the problems are not them, but the other person. Its also common to try and get a replacement as soon as possible and turn around and get remarried as soon as possible. You'd think opposite, like someone would figure things out. However, the divoce rate for second marriages is highly than the first marriage.

Divorce Rate Statistics of 1st, 2nd and 3rd Marriages
Various studies on US Divorce rate show significant differences when a comparison is made in 1st, 2nd and 3rd marriage, divorce rate in America.
•Divorce rate in America after first marriage is from 41% to 50%.
•US divorce rate after second marriage is from 60% to 67%
•After 3 marriages the US divorce rate is from 73% to 74%
{http://www.aboutdivorce.org/us_divorce_rates.html}

This guy has all kinds of problems. Any man that would hit a woman is pathetic...However, a lighter to your clothes, really is something you should have reported to the police and protected the new person he just married who may not know as much as you do at this point.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 98 (view)
 
Seriously Why would you give head on a first date then ignore calls the day after.
Posted: 9/29/2010 10:26:55 AM
Yeh, it happens...your were a one night stand.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 15 (view)
 
he asks, what are you thinking
Posted: 9/29/2010 9:53:02 AM
I just haven't given him an entire picture of what is going on in my head, as many people have said, they are my thoughts, and I'm still sorting through them.


Exactly.
He knows that...all he is doing is trying to make it comfortable for you to spit it out and/or "force whatever situation" for which he is entitled to a resolution to if it involves both of you. If the thoughts are about him(and I'm going with his gut feeling that they are) then those thoughts are not entirely yours, your suppose to share them in a relationship. Doing anything else, is the primary ingredient for the disaster receipe in a relationship.

EDIT
(PS. We both know you have a lot on your mind and there are a bunch of things going on in your noggin. Also sometimes men are too stupid to know they should shut up and the only thing a girl really needs is a {hug} )

You know you can just say, I'm "thinking" I need a hug.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 12 (view)
 
he asks, what are you thinking
Posted: 9/29/2010 9:44:31 AM
I'm pretty sure I've never been asked that question, probably because I'm prone to sharing what I'm thinking without being prompted.

I'm with Alooo on this.

Look most woman are not excellent "verbal" communicators....they think they are but they aren't. Instead they use body language, innuendo, clues and you are suppose to "figure it out" by telepathy. There are a few woman who have figured out how to be better verbal communicators....I challenge the rest of the woman out there to follow Alooos example.

Here, its pretty simple. Your staring at the ceiling like a deer staring in headlamps on a moon-less night, speechless, lost in deep thought. Your "NOT" there with him. He has no idea WTH you are. You are not with him...and you are somewhere else entirely and you not making a sound....that is strange. I don't care what the other people think.

Its basically an open ended plea, "Look, I know you are thinking about something, and I want to help you...but you need to actually open your lips and push air through them"
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 24 (view)
 
I never been in a relationship yet I'm called gay, Why?
Posted: 9/29/2010 9:05:42 AM
Nobody is bitter.

You have to do what you have to do. Its YOUR life. No-one elses. That means you get to do whatever you want with it. Stay a virgin. Hire a hooker. Whatever you want. Your not living for the approval of others...because honestly, you'll never get that. Its just the way life is.

You don't need money for a hooker. Just change your profile and say I'm a virgin, and I'm looking for sex. Not saying they will be a lot...but you will find at least some woman out there that needs no strings attached sex...and you won't have to pay for it---well not at least with money.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 20 (view)
 
I never been in a relationship yet I'm called gay, Why?
Posted: 9/29/2010 7:42:32 AM
The only solution to your problem is to ignore them or next time they say that to you, you can pop them...best to go for the nose...that breaks easily and is very dramatic.

Of course, ignoring them is the best option because hitting everyone, that you meet, that is an idiot, ends up being a lot of work.

People call people names so they can feel better about themselves....theres nothing more to it.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Trying to plan the 2nd date
Posted: 9/29/2010 7:27:39 AM
Sounds like your dating a woman Paul.
1. How about dinner out?
2. Great I would love that...I love dinner out.
3. You like Chinese?
4. No. Hate it.
5. You like Mexican?
6. No. Terrible...very fatty...not good for you.
7. What kind of food out do you like?
8. Actually, I don't like eating food out at all.
9. ahh...what??
10. No, I like home cooked meals.
....never mind, I have an appointment for a labotomy, where they are going to severe a part of my brain....lets have this conversation after that procedure.

Anyway, what I think you were suppose to say is: "Ok great, forget the dinner out then, I'll make you a home cooked meal." "How about Veal Scallopini, with Linguini and white clam sauce? I heard clams are really good for the after digestion part. You bring dessert...my favorite part."



You can still do it. Get everything ready at the house there. When yo go to pick her up, take her to your place. Have a coat and hat at the door. Act the part of the Matre De as soon as you get there, tell her you have a special table waiting for her, sit her down, light some candles. Pop open a glass of wine and pour a glass for her. Have a pre-printed "no-choice" menu. Offer it to her and tell her your going to go into the kitchen and put her order in.

Have a nice movie and some popcorn for later on...with a snuggle blanket.

Mai Long Dong's...nice one. Just tell her you got the chef from Mai Long Dongs to come over and he's in the kitchen. Tell her, if she wants, that you will introduce her to the Mai Long Dong master after dinner.

{Ps. What she is saying translated to man-speak is I'm not all that big on going out, but I like you, thats why I just said "great idea, I really like that", it doesn't matter, I want you}
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 97 (view)
 
How can a man cum more?
Posted: 9/29/2010 7:10:03 AM
I'm sorry...

{Messages this short may not be posted}
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 640 (view)
 
People who just write how are you
Posted: 9/28/2010 8:08:10 PM
Does anyone else find it kind of annoying to receive an email and all it says is "how are you?" and nothing else?

Ok, then, how about
How are you, Sexy?


Stop complaining...some people don't even get emails, you ungrateful.....
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 9 (view)
 
should i tell her to leave
Posted: 9/28/2010 7:35:10 PM
Wow...this is very similar to a crack habit.

I'm not sure you can throw someone out on the street once they are living there.

There are laws against that if you live in the US. You have to have her evicted. She could argue that she does housework or washes dishes (consideration) in exchange for living there and you have the makings of a basic Landlord/Tenent relationship giving her massive protection under the law. Your about to spend more because your probably going to have to talk with an attorney.

I bet you won't do this again.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 94 (view)
 
How can a man cum more?
Posted: 9/28/2010 1:25:48 PM
Ok, if he just wants to do it for the porno industry.

Take 1 part Corn Syrup to one part Corn Starch....and you can make it in as a big a quantity as you want. Use an eyedropper to put it where you want. Safe to consume if you want to film yourself.

 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Being too needy
Posted: 9/28/2010 12:16:28 PM
Jennatheclown, I think you are about to get your chest torn open and your heart thrown about.

He simply sounds like he is having his cake and eating it to. You are falling in love with this guy and his text was very clear to you when you said, "I guess I know where I fit in". You communicated to him that you felt like you were not a priority and he took the opportunity to agree you.... Sometimes called Joking on a square. Meaning you take a truth and you turn it into a joke in the hopes it won't hurt as bad.

I'm sure he misses you....he misses the sex with a 22 year old tight body that can be shaped like a pretzle. Don't worry, he'll contact you when he is ready to have more sex.

I'm not sure what you are asking us to do...change the future.

 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Quid Pro Quo
Posted: 9/28/2010 12:03:33 PM
I think the hostess in you wants to return the favor. I think the temptress in you wonders if you contacted him and then if you took him out, he might spill the real beans on his ex gf, that there might be a some kind of light there, that you might be able to wedge yourself back in, and or if nothing else give you true "clarity" of WTF is going on between them two. Just a hunch though.

Maybe my hunch is close but you just want to keep a friendship open so if that possibility ever did present itself, you would be there to jump on the opportunity.

If either of these situations are the case, then just admit it to yourself instead of punishing yourself or thinking you are a bad person for having these thoughts, or trying to come up with reasons, and see/expore and determine if this really is completely a dead-end situation or does he just have lots of magic jumping beans in his pant pockets. Theres' no guarantee he would take you up on it...but it makes for a clear Au revoir.

Otherwise, your a smart girl and know you are relieved of all repayment guilt for people that go back to their x's.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 66 (view)
 
If she gave up sex for a month, would you spaz?
Posted: 9/28/2010 9:25:02 AM
Funny thing about it is there are plenty of woman that wouldn't do without 30 days of sex either.

And, in virtually ALL cases, if you even tried that on most woman, they would immediately think you were cheating on them and spin you around so fast looking for the door you'd get dizzy.

Thats the crux of the parallel issue and problem to me that runs along side of your question....one of "CONTROL". It is this underlying principal that runs parallel to your question that many of us find as having a bad taste. You should never be "controlling" or trying to "control" someone else in a relationship....and once this happens either controlling or being controlled, the relationship is on an "even" footing, one leg of the table is broken, and the end result is the table falls eventually....only a matter of time.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 56 (view)
 
In 2010, can someone explain this to me?
Posted: 9/28/2010 6:50:08 AM
OP, I'm guessing she looked at your pictures which have white woman in them and probably "assumed" this.

That alwas a guess or an assumption but looking at your profile that is what my best guess was.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Did I say something?
Posted: 9/27/2010 6:43:54 PM
Welcome to POF.

That seems pretty typical. I can't tell you how many people have posted similar experiences. I have posted them as well. I think most people on here are kind of "lurking" for some sort of "perfect" person. So they will talk awhile for someone that is not perfect until another person comes along that is a little bit better or at least "newer". Same thing eventually happens to that person. People are trying to make decisions based on emails and the only decisions you can make purely based on emails are bad ones. However, you can't change human consciousness.

So really it sounds to me like you got someone nice and they were willing to talk with you...but you need to peak their interest quickly especially as the woman. Don't mess around...just outright ask them. Do you want my number? If I gave you my phone number, would you call me right this second?

Its hard for men to do this without seeming to forward and scary...but woman can do that no problem. Corner him into calling you immediately if you can or the same thing will happen with your phone number....dwinding interest.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 60 (view)
 
If she gave up sex for a month, would you spaz?
Posted: 9/27/2010 6:29:04 PM
P.S. I have talked to the OP...and she absolutely has a reason....and her reason follows the biblical exception. So I'm not saying in all circumstances. Its just we all know that 9 out of 10 times, the explanation is lame because we have all heard them before over and over again.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 59 (view)
 
If she gave up sex for a month, would you spaz?
Posted: 9/27/2010 6:24:03 PM
you pulled up a study that did not involve the study group that includes all, you only included newly married couples.

No...Wrong...go actually read the hyperlink of the study...it also includes older age groups (45) with the same results. No the results you have are people searching for the insignificant Oprah Winfrey studies like partner has too many underwear stains. I'm talking about the meat and potato studies. The BIGGEST problems not ALL the problems. Also, I gave you TWO hyperlinks for TWO different studies that say the same thing. Look at the second one...same thing. I thought you were excellent at reading forum threads. I suppose next you are going to tell me your an excellent driver too. I'm an excellent...I'm an excellent ....excellent driver.

I read threads that doesn't mean I follow your personal threads.... I'm guessing you couldn't keep your boyfriend happy and he went looking....as you say confused. It probably happened in a first marriage too. Same thing. It wouldn't be the first time and all you hear about is the other party in the relationship that takes no ownership. Go read the thread about Woman don't like sex.....and you'll understand both my situation and yours. ;)
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts10676015.aspx

Also, most marriages do fail in the first 5 years and many of the ones that go past that point, really failed in the first 5 years but the person hung out...so I'm not sure how this invalidates the study.

You should have just best left well alone...your clearly in the minority.
Peace out.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 174 (view)
 
sense of humor
Posted: 9/27/2010 12:00:54 PM
Of all the profiles titles on here that say "can you make me laugh?"... how many of them are from men?

I'm willing to bet 'close to none'.

I'm thinking none as well...but no way to know. Need some input from woman. I'd say it could be as high as 5% of all the woman profiles I see are asking for a humor. Its a commonly asked for trait.

I think these people really are saying, "please don't be a complete bore and try and have fun with me". However, asking for a humor is not going to get you there IMHO. A good connection is.

Also, don't send these woman knock knock jokes either, they don't like it.

:)
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Need Some Advice....
Posted: 9/27/2010 10:40:27 AM
Just do it...
Don't think about it too long...it just gets harder when you think about it.

Life is short. If you work yourself up in a frenzy for everything you want, over thinking it based on some issue that you don't think you deserve it, your only going to get what you least regret.

If he says no, his loss...then move on....ask the next guy.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 47 (view)
 
If she gave up sex for a month, would you spaz?
Posted: 9/27/2010 10:23:38 AM

Funny that you went right for the evil intention, no?

Withholding sex is evil....PERIOD!

Don't want to go all religion on you. However, since the opposite of Gods word is evil, then by direct definition, yes I think its evil.

It has nothing to do with me...I read my bible...and withholding sex is spelled out in b/w and not something to do according to God....at least in marriage. And a relationship is really in most simple regards a "trial marriage" to see if this is the right person/mate for you.
______________________
The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps BY AGREEMENT for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to PRAYER; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

—1 Corinthians 7:1-5

If someone withholds in relationship, you can count on them doing it in marriage....so hit the road Jack. Also, taking a look at the other responses, I would say my opinion on this subject is with the majority of others not the minority. Most people know sex is a significant aspect of a relationship and if you toy with it, your playing with fire....spazing/arguing about it is the least of that persons problems.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 172 (view)
 
sense of humor
Posted: 9/27/2010 9:36:52 AM
I think people are just confused about humor.

They wrongly associate previous relationships with a good time, lots of laughing, and assume this was because the person they are with had a "good sense of humor". So they go looking for someone with a good sense of humor.

However, humor was simply a symptom of the good time...you can't seek it because EVERYONE has it in some sense.

It like saying I'm looking for a person that has ears. The last person had ears and so I know ears are very important to my relationship needs in a partner. The last few relationships that I really enjoyed myself, the partners had ears. Well how useful is this to people reading your profile?
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
How do you tell someone there is no chemistry?
Posted: 9/27/2010 8:53:06 AM
Hmm, some of the excuses I have heard are:

1. I'm not ready (same thing as you are saying)
2. I think it would be best if we were just friends (same thing as you saying you want)
3. I'm busy, yeh, busy then too, I'll call you when I'm not busy....then don't call.
...there are as many ways as there are people.... And woman are really good at coming with ways that are "not" direct. You've got one...I'm sure you'll come up with others or there are other woman who can share you theirs.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 38 (view)
 
If she gave up sex for a month, would you spaz?
Posted: 9/26/2010 6:14:20 PM
You know when someone is losing an argument....the discussion always switches to grammar and spelling. I type 150 WPM...except its 150 WPM with spelling and grammar errors. At 150 WPM, its virtually like speaking directly to the screen. If I type below 110 WPM, well, then the errors go away. However, I can't stream my thoughts out as fast as my brain is working.

Lets just agree to disagree. I think I have achieved my goal which was to let you or anybody reading know that being a prude is affecting your relationship. Don't blame it all on your "man" or your "woman" (it goes both ways). Hopefully, it has some small influence. Since the goal of this thread seems to be looking for an excuse, justification, or a reason to start using sex as a tool, test or punishment device of some kind. Trust me, do both of you a favor. ...end the relationship first and then go run the no-sex experiment without forcing the other relationship partner to go through it with you.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 34 (view)
 
If she gave up sex for a month, would you spaz?
Posted: 9/26/2010 2:11:22 PM
Oh please do google the reason for marriage failing

Your googling Opera reasons. Try real scientific studies....

Time, sex, money biggest obstacles for young married Couples

A recent study by the Creighton University Center for Marriage and Family suggests that time, sex and money pose the three biggest obstacles to satisfaction in the lives of newly married couples. The study found that debt brought into marriage, the couples' financial situation, balancing job and family, and frequency of sexual relations were of greatest concern to those ages 29 and under. Those age 30 and over shared with their younger cohorts the concerns of balancing job and family and frequency of sexual relations, but also added as problem areas constant bickering and expectations about household tasks. The study used a random sample drawn from couples who had completed the FOCCUS inventory and had agreed to participate in future research. A mailing of questionnaires resulted in a total sample of 947 couples, or 1,894 individuals. Out of that a total of 793 individual questionnaires were returned, which the study called a ``highly acceptable'' response rate of 48.5 percent; 35.7 percent of the returns were completed questionnaires from both spouses. ``Time, Sex and Money'' is shorthand for the top three problem areas reported by survey respondents: balancing job and family, frequency of sexual relations, and debt brought into marriage. The other top problematic issues the study showed were, in order, husband's employment; overall financial situation; expectations about household tasks; constant bickering; communication with spouse; parents or in-laws; and time spent together with spouse. Editors: For a copy of the study, access the Center for Marriage and Family's Web site, www.creighton.edu/MarriageandFamily/. "Time, sex, money biggest obstacles for young married Couples "By Mark Pattison, Catholic News Service. Cited in a posting from Smart Marriages Listserv in May 5, 2001.

Learn Ways to Prevent Marriage Failure
Money, sex, and communication are frequently cited as the most common reasons for a marriage failure. The following discussion will details some of the reasons these three topics are the top contenders for
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/35368/causes_of_marriage_failure_money_sex.html

Notice the common denominators in all these studies and your Opera studies: MONEY & SEX ! Of course, Opera studies deemphasize sex, intimacy at like # 5...but it isn't...

Your man isn't in a funk...he just isn't following what he knows and getting the heck out of there. He's problem.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 29 (view)
 
If she gave up sex for a month, would you spaz?
Posted: 9/26/2010 12:16:45 PM
Just because there are 3, your assuming they are equal in percentages but they are not. They are listed in the order of magnitude decreasing pretty rapidly in percentages. Also, I don't know where you came up with your reasons but they are bogus. "too hectic a lifestyle"? "Bad attitude"? "Wearing Pants with holes in them"? Oh sorry, you don't have that one listed. Sounds like you've been reading too much O magazine.

I know the difference between sex with intimacy and sex without intimacy. I'm just assuming sex in a relationship as intimate... Otherwise, why in the hell are you in the relationship in the first place. Men don't assume the other because its not natural for us. Its woman that have sex "WITHOUT" intimacy ALL the time...laying there like dead fish. Collecting a pay check, or a father, or whatever they have decided is more important than involving their "hearts" in the sex. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Men rarely if ever do that. If men have sex, its typical WITH intimacy. Even when a man is with an incredible sexy woman that only wants sex, the man in the back of his mind is still wishing, hoping that this is true intimacy. You really don't understand men; however, its not "mental illness" to blame so cut yourself a break there.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 26 (view)
 
If she gave up sex for a month, would you spaz?
Posted: 9/26/2010 10:59:54 AM
FYI I had sex with my ex husband the day before I kicked him out. 50% of marriages are not ruined based on lack of sex. Please do check the statistics, there are many more issues. Sex is just one of many.

4ums
I'm sure of my statistics..you need to check yours. The 3 reasons why marriages fail:

1. Sex
2. Money
3. Family/inlaws

Sex is a part of intimacy....they are one in the same as one part of a whole. ...they are not divisible. Trust me, you can try and have a marriage relationship based on no intimacy and your friendship only definition of marriage and it will fail or both people will be miserable....good luck on trying it. Sometimes you can discuss things till the cows come home. You can fight about them till the owls go to sleep. And you can come up with reasons till the birds wake up. Go ahead and waste you time...but for me, once the cows come home, I'm done.

If its a "red flag", let me change my profile.

I don't care about when you last gave it up to your X. Feeling like the shoe fits? Just because you are a prude, and you guard that thing like its some special prize used only to control men, does not mean all woman are prudes that think like that.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 25 (view)
 
If she gave up sex for a month, would you spaz?
Posted: 9/26/2010 9:48:25 AM
Something SERIOUS - REQUIRES intimacy.

The problem is most woman believe they can marry their best male friend and then their friendship will carry them through their marriage. Its a falsehood and its 50% of why there is so much divorce. Some men do it too mind you but its far more woman.

Its got nothing to do with first, or second priorities....I'm capable of juggling 3 things at the same time and I can also chew gum while juggling all 3 things.

Humans can go through funks but intimacy is the glue that holds together a "romantic" relationship which can help them through that funk with the strength of another human being. You can't dissolve the glue, remove romance, and then wonder why the relationship fell apart. They don't call it "making" love for nothing. Its because it is "making". You stop "making" and chances are VERY high it will fall apart. Thats the truth, you want to put your head in the sand over it, thats your prerogative. And, I didn't come up with the formula...its also part of Gods word.

{ps...you are right...that is why there is so much divorce because its very clear how its suppose to work...but very infallible people want to invent a different way}

There is a difference between a purely sexual-only relationship and one that is balanced where sex is a part of it...it is not one or the other as some believe.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 12 (view)
 
When you trust too soon, are you the fool?
Posted: 9/26/2010 9:33:54 AM

TxRedBull, sexist generalizations such as saying "most women" takes away from of the validity of your comment. I believe "most people" have so called "trust issues" and they should as far as I'm concerned. I agree with your analogy of the sliding door. Your eyes, ears and common sense are the "glass door".


I don't know...you may be right. Are there just as many men unwilling to trust woman as woman unwilling to trust men?
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 23 (view)
 
If she gave up sex for a month, would you spaz?
Posted: 9/26/2010 9:15:40 AM
No, Eowyn1492 there is no other way to skin a cat. Intimacy HAS NO BOUNDS. True intimacy is unbridled closeness. Woman who set those "false" boundaries have problems. [Medical not withstanding]

I've been through this for 8 years.....
At this point in my life, I don't need 30 days to figure it out anymore.

You want 30 days fine, goodbye, call me in 30 days. Actually, thinking about it, I'm probably going to need 45 to 90...so call me in 90 days....if I answer the phone, we can talk about it.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Never Approached
Posted: 9/26/2010 8:35:44 AM
Yes, I agree with 4ums on both of those things. Those glasses are gigantic...I probably would just delete that pic altogether. Your eyes are pretty and so is your smile. Definitely get some full length pictures. Most guys look at picture of only your neck and shoulders up and think "pear shaped". Show off your figure so men aren't thinking the absolute worse. Cut that other girl completely out of the picture....see is very pretty. I think you are pretty too but you don't want any picture of you next to another girl that can be compared.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 7 (view)
 
When you trust too soon, are you the fool?
Posted: 9/26/2010 8:27:09 AM
Most woman have trust issues. Its just a fact of life....why complain about it. It is what it is. The best way to describe trust is like a sliding glass door. You can see out, they can see in...but the door is shut. Thats the way it should be in the beginning. If your door has a shade or a curtain, then thats the only problem I see.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Never Approached
Posted: 9/25/2010 5:47:09 PM
Why?
Your only 19. Can you drink a Beefeaters Gin Martini yet in a bar?

Advice?
1. When you are 21, and can go to a bar by yourself, ask the bartender to pour water in a martini glass, sit at the bar and then wait. I don't think you will have to wait till the glass is done to get a real martini.

2. Learn to Flirt. It seems to be dieing art in woman.

Don't worry about it. Your attractive. You just need to be patient.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 14 (view)
 
If she gave up sex for a month, would you spaz?
Posted: 9/25/2010 5:34:56 PM
Well actually I'm kinda surprised by the responses. I would have expected many more people willing to fall on the sword, willing to give up their celebacy for their relationship as a "test"...I suppose we call it a test....I don't know exactly what it is. Test, Punishment, wasting time while the other person dings their other relationship, or dealing with the other persons inability to be inimate/trust/etc.

However, NowSucksLess, a relationship without intimacy, is not a relationship, its a friendship. In fact, its a crappy friendship...because normally in a real friendship, the other person is not asking you to be celebate. Well its a basic in my definition anyways.
 TxRedBull
Joined: 1/3/2010
Msg: 6 (view)
 
If she gave up sex for a month, would you spaz?
Posted: 9/25/2010 2:59:58 PM
lol...so thats the "real" reason. The stuffed animal is in need of his attention. Its these battery operated toys that are destroying relationship right and left.
 
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