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 Author Thread: Has this happened to anyone else on a first date??
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 82 (view)
 
Has this happened to anyone else on a first date??
Posted: 1/7/2013 1:25:26 PM
sounds like she has Tourette's syndrome. You can google it. Unfortunately, there's not a lot that can be done about it. Meds and therapy don't seem to help much. It tends to get worse when the person is under stress, so you don't want to deal w how stressed she gets when she dates!
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Messaging guys first never develops into a date
Posted: 12/13/2012 4:36:55 PM
I've experience the same thing. I'm currently on OurTime.com, as I'm almost 45 and am looking for a mature man who is settled into who he is.

Instead of being passive and acting like a victim, waiting to see who messages me, I've taken an active approach and have message men who seem like they'd be great people to know. I choose these men by what they've written in their profile and not what they look like.

none of the men I message express interest in me. It is as if we have to play the game of letting the guy make the first move or letting the guy chase us. All of this is ironic, since most people add the disclaimer "I'm tired of games" into their profile, but when it comes to dating, it seems as if we still have to let the guy make the first move, which sucks as online dating is difficult enough.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 76 (view)
 
do people date strangers?
Posted: 3/31/2011 8:55:43 AM
EXACTLY. Two of the best relationships I ever had began in a laundry mat.

I simply began a chat with someone, just to pass time. The chat turned into a great conversation which led to a dinner date so we could have more converstion.

Both times I ended up with a long term relationship from someone I met in a laundry mat. Never once were there any demands that we become long term or that we had to do more than talk and be friends. Things went where they were supposed to go without any demands.

People who date online need to remember that..you don't need to say or put in your profile that you're not willing to talk or be friends. No one starts out in a long term relationship anyway..it builds over time if it's meant to be. Talking and being friends is a good foundation to see if long term has any potential.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 64 (view)
 
do people date strangers?
Posted: 3/27/2011 6:11:56 AM
I find it much more appealing to meet people in real life. What sucks about online dating is that your first meet and first date are the same event. That's way too akward for me.

In real life, it's not as if you have a spark and go out with every stranger you meet, or every person who hits on you. It's just that when you meet someone and end up having a fabulous conversation that makes you want to have more conversations...then that is truly wonderful.

Also, people are much less demanding and desperate in real life. I've never met anyone in real life who said "ok, I'm not going to meet you for coffee if all you want to do is talk/hang out/be friends" We just assume that since we are still unfamilar with each other, that we'd be meeting to see if our conversation and spark for each other continued. There's no pressure to "be" anything from real life meets. Everything seems more natural and less goal oriented. Goals are something you establish once you've met/dated the person long enough to know whether goals are appropriate.
It seems like with online meets/dates there's way more pressure to establish goals before the 1st or 2nd dates can occur and that seems unnatural.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Being defriended on FB
Posted: 3/9/2011 6:20:00 PM
After my last bf and I broke up, he stated he wanted to remain Facebook friends because he still cared about me as a person and wanted to make sure I was ok.
He only has 8 friends and rarely updates his status so it gave me a warm feeling to think that maybe he kept his FB acct because he cared about me.

Recently, another ex from my distant past friended me and I accepted his request.
This is an ex that my recent ex had heard of, but neither guy posed a threat to the other one.

Well, the day I friended the previous ex, the recent ex defriended me. I don't know why this hurts or why I'm trying to find an explanation for this, but it does feel like a slap in the face.

I'm hoping that the recent ex defriended me because he was jealous of the other ex.

:( I suppose it doesn't matter because I'm still alone and both exes are probably screwing other people by now.

So, are there any other mature adults on here who still feel slighted when/if they get defriended on FB?
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 275 (view)
 
I don't do separated...
Posted: 3/9/2011 6:10:32 PM
Wow, you are one smart lady! You are not being biased, you are being smart and looking out for yourself. I don't care how long a man says he's separated, it aint over till its over and that means the paperwork is in place. A wife may think she'd done with her marriage, but often when she sees that he soon to be ex husband has a new woman, she'll suddenly want him back. As a legal wife, she'll always have more leverage than a gf, so guess who gets left out in the cold.

Good for you for hanging on to your power!
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 60 (view)
 
dating and unemployment
Posted: 2/23/2011 6:46:35 AM
I'll give a man without a job a chance. He has the exact same chance a guy with a great job has. If it doesn't work out, its not because he doesn't have a job.

We are in a tereible recession now. Even my job isn't secure, so I don't want to judge someone for not having a job.

I figure that right now, the man with a job could lose it and the man without a job could get one.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 85 (view)
 
Online dating more difficult than real life!!!
Posted: 2/4/2011 9:30:06 PM
I think it's harder too. I feel like I'm leading men on just by meeting them. The guys I meet want to move way too fast and they act hurt/rejected when I tell them I don't want to move that fast.

I've been VERY fair and I've even given unemployed guys a chance. My attitude is that we are in a recession and no one's job is completely secure, not even mine. The guy w/out a job can end up getting one and the guy w/ a great job could lose his, so I have no problem meeting an unemployed guy and going dutch treat for coffee. I view the date/meeting as a chance to get to know someone new. The problem begins when the guy starts inviting himself over to my place or asking me to come to his and we've only known each other a week. I don't care if a guy is a superstud millionare, I need more than a week before I feel comfortable having anyone in my personal space like that.

I've had guys express that they feel hurt/rejected or as if they wasted their time on me if things don't get sexual. It's that kind of attitude that makes me want to quit online dating. If the guy feels led on because I met him and didn't sleep with him, then I don't need to be meeting anyone (online) at all.

I like what another poster said about meeting in real life. In real life, you have body language, vibes, gestures and even phermones that help you determine whether or not anything is going beyond meeting. A lot of people view online dating as a way to meet/greet and get laid.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Again?...really?
Posted: 2/3/2011 5:25:35 AM
I'd like to meet a guy like that...all I meet are they guys who want to "get to know me" in bed. The last promising guy I met was inviting himself over to my place to spend the night and we'd only had 2 dates.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Do Your Peers Ever Look Too Old to You?
Posted: 1/29/2011 5:28:19 PM
Lol, I know what you mean. Other 40 somethings look old to me too. I think I need a mirror too. Maybe you and I don't feel our age, we feel so young at heart that people are own age appear older. I remember when I finally joined facebook at age 41. I was shocked beyone belief to find that all my high school/college buddies were 4o some-things! I thought "so and so can't be 40, just yesterday he was putting alka seltzer in my soda and telling me he had jerked off into it!" LOL, then I realized that if I'm 40 something then anyone who graduated the same year I did, had to be 40 something as well.

The point is, we're only has old as we feel. That being said, the reality is that most of us look our age. Some wear age better than others. I do know that I don't look 25. I can eat right, exercise, whatever but when I see 25 year old girls going out for the night, I realize I'm not that age anymore.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Strange Situation - Great conversation until leading up to the meeting?
Posted: 1/21/2011 10:39:52 PM
I agree with simplywhatever..why should anyone care of a thread has been done before? Everyone's situation is unique to them. I could see if the exact same thread showed up 3x a week, but to have the same thread every once in a while should be no big deal.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 17 (view)
 
If It's redunded I'm sorry, yes I searched. Odd experience.
Posted: 1/20/2011 4:35:44 PM
This is very common for online dating. I've been tempted to do it, but I don't want to stand someone up because I know I'd hate being treated that way.

I do get cold feet just prior to the real life meet, because so many of my other real life meets have been disappointing or unsafe. I always take a deep breath and meet the person anyway. But for a first meet, I only meet someone for coffee or lunch. I don't meet the guys who live a distance away as it's too expensive now a days to drive 2 hours to meet someone for just coffee and I also don't want to be obligated to spend a long time with them. If she was cooking you dinner, she probably did get cold feet at the thought of having a total stranger over at her house.

I wouldn't worry about it. This is a dating site where people say "Next" and move on.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 238 (view)
 
Strangers calling you sweet thing
Posted: 1/18/2011 8:22:17 AM
Lol, there was one guy in particular I had been referring to in this post...the guy who demanded a kiss and was acting agressive about it...This date occurred in Oct and I never saw him again, but obivously his technique doesn't work because he just popped up on my "viewed me" list with a brand new, updated but very psycho sounding profile.

My gut instinct was right...stay the hell away from him and I'm glad I did.

I would say to everyone, always follow your gut feeling. It will never lead you wrong.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 34 (view)
 
what does it mean when a guy gives a disclaimer?
Posted: 1/17/2011 9:12:11 PM
Lol, i've just seen the disclaimer to end all disclaimers....

This is from a guy who messaged me "I'm a bartender and I like to smoke weed. If my job or my habit offends you, then BYE BYE." He then adds, "I'm sick of party girls, so only clean cut, mature women need apply."

He then goes on to say "I like my time alone, so respect that." But then adds, "Getting to know someone takes time, so if you aren't going to make time for me then don't bother."

Gee, some of the profiles alone are why I'm getting ready to hide my profile and go to forums only.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 7 (view)
 
what does it mean when a guy gives a disclaimer?
Posted: 1/15/2011 10:05:01 AM
I avoid the guys who give disclaimers. I've seen other forms of disclaimers such as "Everyone has a past and an ex, be a grown up and get over yours if you want to date me" or "Don't contact me unless you 100% want to be in a committed long term relationship. I don't want friendship, emails, phone calls etc. Long term only."

The guy who said that had actually messaged me about meeting for coffee. HELLO!

Read my F-ing profile...what does it say...it honestly says that I'm not even sure what I want but for right now I want to simply make friends.

Disclaimers are actually a form of a demand and how can you make demands on strangers you haven't met? I leave all men with disclaimers alone because I feel that they have more baggage than I do.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 168 (view)
 
increasing numbers of women are marrying men for their money
Posted: 1/15/2011 9:14:58 AM
We're in a Recession. Nobody can marry anyone for money anymore because nobody has any. We're all gonna be poor together.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 57 (view)
 
For those here, Just for the forums
Posted: 1/15/2011 9:11:22 AM
I've tried dating and meeting people on POF and it was a scary, depressing experience.

I'm about to change my profile to Forums Only because I'm sick of putting myself at risk over what's out there in the online dating world.

I do plan to start going to the local parties/events that are hosted for people in my area. Maybe meeting people in real life will work better than meeting them over the net.

I do see why people give up and go to forums only.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 232 (view)
 
Strangers calling you sweet thing
Posted: 1/13/2011 10:46:38 AM
Safebetinvegas, You are so right about what "plans" this one particular guy had in store for me. My original post was in Oct and I ended up not seeing him again, even though I did get a few "hey gorgeous/hot babe, when are you free?" texts. He eventually gave up.

If it seems weird to be irritated by being called Gorgeous/hot babe, you have to realize that this guy was a lot younger than me and his come ons felt very insincere, as if he thought I was some lonely older woman who was desperate to hear compliments.

Had I continued with him, things would have gone exactly as Vegas listed.

Since that date, I've met a few other guys who while not "creepy", were nothing like their profiles. Two of them were on the verge of being homeless and one was in a severe state of depression and barely squeezing by on disability.

I've decided to go on a break from the dating but will use the forums from time to time, as I enjoy the forums. It's going to feel good to get my mind off of finding/keeping a man and to just focus on me. Thank you to everyone for your insight, support and responses.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 119 (view)
 
Do all men want to find out how you are in bed before getting to truly know you?
Posted: 1/8/2011 7:43:51 PM
I've found that with online dating, the men have been very upfront about wanting to get to know me by having sex. At least they are upfront about it. With real life dating, I have felt much less pressured.

I remember one guy I met on here, would ask me for suggestions for dates and no matter what I suggested, he would say "No, I'd rather do something where I can get to know you better." I guess he wanted to get to know me in a bed.

I think that men must think if you're willing to put yourself out there on a dating site, then you must be willing to part your legs at the first meet. Very Gross.

I'm like the OP. I wanted to join POF to increase my chances of meeting someone I'd be compatible with. Sex will happen when it's supposed to happen, but when a guy acts like a horny 16 year old or someone who's been in prison and hasn't had any in 15 years, then that's a turn off.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 38 (view)
 
First meetings - advice please !
Posted: 1/7/2011 4:11:28 PM
The best advice I have for a first meet from an online person, is to simply realize that it is a FIRST MEET and not a first date. Many of the guys I've met on here want to get physical or start acting like bf and gf on that first meet.

The first meet should be casual and the conversation should be basic getting to know you type stuff. First meets should not be about negoitating a relationship. I look at first meets as a chance to get to know someone new and from there, I let nature and destiny take over.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 66 (view)
 
The 1st date,the chemistry and no kiss!
Posted: 1/2/2011 9:16:28 PM
I'm a firm believer in chemistry too, but I don't need to kiss someone to see if we have chemistry or not. Personally, with online dating, I do NOT want to kiss on our first date, as it's more of a first meet, not a first date that happens after a meet.

I've had some online guys act kind of desperate to get that kiss after a first meet. It felt weird and creepy to me, so I friend zoned them fast. Their desperation to get that kiss, made me feel like they were more interested in getting laid (in the future) than they were in getting to know me.

In the OP's case, once the woman friend zoned you, she should not have been upset that you didn't want to continue seeing her. She made a choice you accepted her choice, so she should accept your choice not to hang out. She probably had control issues and you dodged a bullet when she friend zoned you.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 74 (view)
 
Delusional Expecting to find Love at this age?
Posted: 1/1/2011 1:47:49 PM
Finding love isn't so hard, but what is harder is trying to merge your life with someone else as an older person with a life that's already defined.

5 years ago, I would've left everything behind and followed a man anywhere he went.
Now I've got a great job and a house on the beach, so giving that up for someone else's agenda is hard to do.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 5 (view)
 
2 date or not to date,n that is the question
Posted: 12/9/2010 8:20:38 PM
Cut the ties sooner rather than later. If you know you're going to end up rejecting her at some point, just do it now and get it over with. If you string her a long for several more dates, she'll get even more clingy and needy each time she has another visual contact with you. It's the clingy, needy people who can turn into stalkers later so don't give her any more of you to cling to.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 6 (view)
 
What exactly is wrong with serial dating?
Posted: 12/6/2010 5:39:32 AM
I think you're attitude is healthy and I wish I could find guys who felt that way.

Dating and getting to know many people is how one goes about finding a partner that's right for them. You're being healthy about it too and you aren't putting others at risk by sleeping around.

I think you've got the right idea, you just need to find females with the same mind set.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 142 (view)
 
Why do men pay the exsbills?
Posted: 12/4/2010 6:03:26 AM
I've heard guys say they will give their ex anything she wants because "she's the mother of my children." They say this even when the kids are grown and the ex has no reason not to get a job.

What that tells me is that I'd better let that guy knock me up so that I can have an excuse to quit my job and sit with my hand out.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 1 (view)
 
What Does NC Do For You?
Posted: 12/3/2010 10:06:53 AM
I'm sure that all of us now know that NC stands for No Contact and must be enforced after a break up occurs. I know that the healthy reason for doing NC is so that you can move on and disconnect from someone who will probably reject you again.

But, NC can also cause the other person to miss you too and then they start calling again. Some people use NC as a way to get their ex back.

So, guys..if a woman started using NC and completely stopped calling you after a break up, would that make you regret your decision and want her more? Some guys are expecting drama and are expecting to receive emotional texts and emails after a break up and if a woman seemed to just drop of out sight and move on with her life, wouldn't that somehow make you curious enough to start calling her again?
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 69 (view)
 
How do you stop missing your ex because it's so hard...
Posted: 12/2/2010 8:10:12 PM
I wish I had an answer. I'm going through the motions and "Acting as if" I am over my ex, but deep down I am still craving him. I know I have to move on because he has moved on and he's not wasting a minute thinking about me.

I'm also using positive thinking and motivational techinques to keep me going. I'm rereading the Secret and am trying to live a life of gratitude so that more things to be grateful for come into my life.

Each day, no matter how depressed I am, I make myself say outloud 10 things I am grateful for. It is helping to focus on gratitude, although I'd be lying if I said I was over him and happy.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
 
So tired of meeting unavailable people
Posted: 12/2/2010 5:20:30 AM
I'm quoting HRMonroe, who said this (listed below)perfectly.


"Why do people date when they know they are not ready for anything serious?"

I think the question should be "Why do people date before they've got to know the other person enough to know if they are ready for anything serious?"

Put simply: Try to spend more time BEFORE actually "dating" people"! Or stop considering the first few dates as "dates" and treat them merely as simple social occasions, i.e. without relational/romantic/sexual overtones. In other words don't expect OTHER people to solve YOUR problem, do it yourself!

If you truly like this woman, then approach her from a pace she is comfortable with.
Don't try to pin her down within the first month or she's only going to run from you.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 9 (view)
 
So tired of meeting unavailable people
Posted: 12/2/2010 5:11:02 AM
Why does everything have to be so black and white. Why does one have to be either all alone, working on their issues by themselves, or ready to jump into having a monogamous relationship with a soul mate? Why can't there be a gray area where one simply gets out there and meets new people?

I'm not over my ex yet, but it's unhealthy for me to stay in my apt day in and day out pining away for him. He's never coming back and we'll never be together so the only healthy thing to do is to get out there and meet other guys, as my ex is not the only guy in the world and like this site says...there are plenty of fish in the sea.

If a guy can be laid back and cool about meeting and getting to know each other, we'll be able to continue hanging out. If he's too anxious to "move forward" then I'll have to pull away, as he and I wouldn't have compatible views on what dating means to us.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 1 (view)
 
POF events
Posted: 11/30/2010 5:57:53 AM
How many people here have been to a POF event/party in your area? My area seems to have one about every 2 months. Do a lot of people show up at these events? It seems like a good way to meet some of the POF'rs in my area in real life.

There's an event on Dec 11 in my area. I have the opportunity to work overtime at my job, or go out and meet people. Meeting people sounds like the healthiest option, but if not many people show up, then I'd be better off working the overtime and meeting people at some other event when I do get a day off!
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 87 (view)
 
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/24/2010 6:43:36 AM
I get that this is a DATING site, but what befuddles me is the attitude of "I'm a man/woman on a dating site and you're a man/woman who accepted my coffee invitation, so now let's date...my place or yours.

That type of dating is way too desperate for me and desperation and neediness turn me off. Of course deep down I want to find someone and be in a relationship but I do not want the type of man who is so desperate for female attention that he needs to set up the sex/excusivity agenda before or during a first meet coffee date.

I like saying friends first because I'm hoping to meet a man who has a life and an agenda other than finding a woman.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/22/2010 9:49:13 PM
What's so akward about online dating is that your 1st meet and your 1st date are on the same day. when people meet in real life and they are attracted to each other, they usually show an interest but at the same time, play it cool so as not to scare the other person off. No one would meet someone in real life (that they wanted to like them back) and expect to get laid or be bf/gf from that first meet. You might be thinking it, but you'd keep the thought to yourself and let things play out.

Well, online dating continues to be a learning experience for me.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 505 (view)
 
Why do men find it hard to be friends?
Posted: 11/22/2010 7:27:05 AM
There's currently another thread on this subject as well. I've responded to that thread as well because I'm equally frusterated.

I am open to having a relationship, but relationships have to develop. I cannot have a relationship with someone who upon meeting me says "let's have a relationship."
or who says "if you're not in this for long term, let me know" That kind of talk smells of desperation.

Why not meet someone and just get to know them and see if you want to be with them, instead of trying to create something out of nothing with a stranger.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/22/2010 7:18:09 AM
I still don't see how anyone can meet a stranger online and expect an immediate relationship. Dating online increases your chances of meeting people and thus of having a relationship but when you meet a stranger you shouldn't be thinking "Oh yeah, here's my bf or gf or I'm getting laid tonight." What I think and what I want the guy to think is "Oh, here's an interesting person, MAYBE this could go somewhere..let's see." I then like to let destiny or nature take it's course. But if a guy comes across as desperate to get laid or to have a gf just to fill some void in his life, then I run.

I don't want to waste anyone's time, but if a guy has a goal of getting laid or having a gf and if that goal is more imp than getting to know who I am, then he's wasting my time as well.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Just looking for friends
Posted: 11/21/2010 10:11:27 PM
Well, you are right about one thing....there really aren't any guys on here looking for friends. I was told that men join dating sites to either get laid or have a relationship.
That seems to be the case. What bothers me is so many men expect to have all that lined up before we even meet. Then if I do meet them, it seems that getting laid or having an instant gf is the agenda. With some guys, it's as if they are saying "I'm on a dating site seeking a relationship and you answered my email, so lets get this relationship going"

I honestly joined this site to meet people and make male friends. It goes without saying that if I spend enough time with a male that I have something in common with, something could develop. But, I don't want any first meet or first date to be about settling an agenda. I just want to meet a new person and see if we click conversationally and get along. Every guy I've met has been about getting to know a new person and I've had no expectations other than that. Where I've had difficulty is that a lot of guys have expressed not wanting to waste their time if "this" isn't going to go anywhere which is sad, putting expectations on an encounter to "go somewhere" kills the chance of it happening.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 36 (view)
 
What are some signs of a potential stalker?
Posted: 11/20/2010 9:16:35 AM
I like what AFashionLady and WomanInProgress said.

I've had stalker guys in my life and I met all of them in real life, not on the net.

The biggest warning signs are if he calls you repeatedly and sounds anxious or needy if you don't respond right away. Questioning you about other guys you might be seeing before the 1st or 2nd date is another sign. Wanting/demanding that you be his gf before the 2 of you even get to know each other is another sign.

There are tons of other signs. Trust and follow your gut instinct.

I do think that guys on a dating site are less likely to be stalkerish as they have tons of women they can focus on, and you don't have to be the central focus. If a guy latches onto you too quickly, as if you're his one and only...then RUN.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 11/17/2010 8:56:36 PM
Your BF is an a$$hole. He cheated and he knows he cheated, otherwise when you found out what you had, why wasn't he suspicious of you and accusing you of cheating? He didn't accuse you because he knew where you got it from (from him)

You sound like a honest, good person. You'll get through this and good things will come to you. Karma will take care of your ex bf and karma is a ****.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Twenty minutes and five dollars ..What?????
Posted: 11/9/2010 6:45:45 AM
Wow, this guy did seem like he was on drugs or needed anti-pyschotics or perhaps was on them and was having side effects.

Online dating sucks. Good thing you didn't give him your phone number.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 64 (view)
 
seduction strategies for douchebags
Posted: 11/9/2010 6:41:58 AM
Well I'm glad to see that I'm not the only woman who feels disgusted by insincere terms of endearment. That's what turned me off so much, the insincerity of it all.
In my case, the guy didn't seem like a nice guy who was trying to hard, he came across as slimy. In phone calls or texts, he didn't address me by my name, it was always Cutie or Gorgeous or whatever. Maybe because he was sliming so many women he didn't want to slip up and call us the wrong name.

The thing about the kiss, it just seemed so out of place to want it and the way he asked me was demanding, as if he thought he had swept me off my feet so much that he deserved it. Also, saying that he'd get it next time was gross. I felt like he had no intention of getting to know me.

As for what I've done on real life dates, I never intended to imply that I jump in the sack on the first date. Isn't there some happy medium between a peck on the lips and having sex? Can't people have some prolonged kissing and cuddling without it turning into sex? When this happens for me it's someone I've met in real life. The first meet isn;t the first date as it is with online dating. With my online guy, our first meet was our first date and the only thing that drew us to each other was meeting on POF.

He wasn't a "bad" guy but I just became wary of the way he approached me. I decided not to lead him on or waste his time.

As for being alone at this age, yes it sucks. I have a picture of a bunch of skeletons in dresses sitting at a table with a wine bottle. The caption underneath says "women waiting for the perfect man." Well, in my case I'm single because I wasted too much time on the wrong men and maybe some of the right men passed me over in search of the perfect woman. Oh well, I'm going to keep trying. To quote John Lennon, "where there is life, there is hope."
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Strangers calling you sweet thing
Posted: 11/8/2010 6:53:47 AM
I'm new to internet dating and have just begun talking to men on the phone and trying to set up dates. I've had a couple of guys call me "Angel" "Cute Thang" "Honeybabe" Sweetie" etc. It makes me want to cringe and vomit when a stranger who's never laid eyes on me, begins calling me terms of endearment, but as a couple of guys have done this already, I'm thinking I'm the one who needs to loosen up a little. Is that how internet dating works?...People you've never met call you Angel and Honey?

Also, I had an experience similar to another poster...the guy insisted on kissing me after a very neutral coffee date. I said no and wouldn't go out with him again because he stated "Well, I'll kiss you on the next date then." Was I wrong to reject him? I've definetly kissed on other first dates and in fact have done way more than kiss on other first dates, (with guys I've met in real life and had chemistry with) so I'm not a prude, its just that when I'm meeting a total stranger that I've met on the internet and it's just a "hi, get to know you" type date, being expected to kiss feels weird.

Do I need to loosen up? Is the expectation of internet dating that you open yourself up to and jump into things with total strangers?
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Why do guys think you should take your profile down after one conversation with them?
Posted: 11/8/2010 6:41:51 AM
Haven 11, I had the exact same experience. I met a guy with possibility but he was dead set intent on getting that kiss after our first coffee date. It felt weird to kiss someone after a very neutral, getting to know you type conversation. I had to turn my head away and he said "well, we can kiss on our next date then." I felt bad for having to reject him, but I like a more humble, gentlemanly approach.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Broken Hearted but moving on
Posted: 11/7/2010 9:40:46 PM
You've experienced way more grief and loss than most people could possibly handle.

Please stay in counseling and get as much support as you can. Try anti-depressants inf necessary. I'm sorry about you're recent break up, as this is one more heart break to deal with. I don't have any advice about moving on as I struggle with moving on from break ups as well. All I can say is instead of focusing on your recent ex, put all of your energy into loving yourself and nurturing yourself. Be aware that the holidays are coming and you may have some difficult feelings and memories resurface so get support from a counselor and from loved ones. Take care
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 37 (view)
 
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/3/2010 10:31:07 PM
Abelian...for real?? That's how you work it? You ask someone that you met online to kiss on the first date to see if there's a 2nd? Or what I'm really asking is that how this online dating thing works?

With guys I've met in real life, I have no problem with kissing on the first date, as we've already met and there is some chemistry assumed.

I don't want to kiss someone I've met online on our first date. I recently met someone that I met online for lunch. It was our first meet and actually the conversation was nice. After lunch he walked with me to my car and then asked to kiss me and I said No, in a shocked and horrified voice. Kissing felt too soon for someone I'd met online, but then again I am new to online dating and I'm not sure how it is supposed to play out.

When I meet/go out with someone I've met online I am expecting absolutely nothing more than making a friend. I'm not expecting any physical interaction from meeting someone online, although I am open to a relationship developing from the friendship.

Someone told me that when men date online they are expecting to either get laid or have a relationship and that they want to cut to the chase quickly and not waste time.
Men are not doing online dating just to meet people and have something to do. I guess if thats the way it is, I shouldnt be dating online.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Dumped again I cant take much more.
Posted: 11/1/2010 10:00:19 PM
I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm in the same boat you are. Wish I had words of wisdom to share with you, but if I had wisdom I'd be with someone right now instead of on an internet forum at 1am.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 83 (view)
 
THE BEST THING TO DO AFTER A BREAK UP IS......
Posted: 10/27/2010 9:12:57 AM
For the 1st month after, I threw myself into work and worked 80 hours a week.

After that, I decided to put more energy into doing fun things to get my mind off of it.

I now have a goal of doing one positive, proactive thing each day, that will help me detach from him.

Break ups suck, but without them we would be 40 year old virgins.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 19 (view)
 
How do you feel dating someone who's dating other people?
Posted: 10/22/2010 3:00:26 PM
If she's being honest about her situation of dating others and isn't leading you on or giving you false hope, then you shouldn't be concerned about her dating others, especially if you met her on a dating site.

Now if she's dating multiple people and having sex with all of these people, then that's risky behavior, but if she's spending her time getting to know others, then there's no problem with that.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Incredible Connection only to see his New Profile 7 hours later after meeting in Person??
Posted: 10/22/2010 2:55:43 PM
Dodge this bullet and let him go. It's creepy that he was accusing you of talking to other people before you even met, esp since you met on a dating site where it's assumed you may be talking to other people.

I once met a guy in real life and we exchange #'s. Before we could meet for a date, he was accusing me of seeing another guy. I cancelled our date and told him not to call anymore. I then looked him up on pipl.com and he had once been arrested for harassment. Forget this guy.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 12 (view)
 
why do......
Posted: 10/22/2010 9:33:06 AM
I'm not trying to be mean, but lots of times when they stop having sex with you, that means they are having it with someone else. I'm just saying this so you can not waste your time and you can go out and find someone who wants to have sex with you.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 17 (view)
 
How long is it useful to apply the no contact rule?
Posted: 10/22/2010 7:58:58 AM
I think you should do strict no contact and don't contact him at all, for anything.
If he contacts you, you can choose how you will respond. If he calls, let him leave a message and get back to him. You'll get a feel for where he's at from his message.

I am rereading my old copies of Don't Call That Man and Its Called a Breakup Because it is Broken to get me through my break up. I still have strong urges to contact him, but I know what the consequences will be...he'll get more distant, be on the defensive and will say or do something to hurt me.
 fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 32 (view)
 
is it over?
Posted: 10/21/2010 9:00:39 PM
You're not a psycho, you're just human. I can relate to what it's like to have a relationship based on phone calls and emails. I was involved with someone who was deployed overseas and at the time I felt like emails from him were better than what I could get face to face with other guys. The problem with emails is that when there is a misunderstanding, you don't have the face to face verbal contact to clear it up. Plus, you have to wait for a response with an email and you don't get the immediate answer as you would in a real conversation.

You handled this as best as you could considering the situation. Don't beat yourself up for those emails. All of us have groveled or done similar things at some point in our lives. I have a tendency to beat myself up too for things I wished I'd done differently.
Its easy to play the woulda coulda shoulda game, but it gets you no where to do that.
Plus, I think that if you beat yourself up for a mistake, you're more likely to repeat that mistake. Learn from it, forgive yourself and move on and you'll do better the next time.
 
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