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 Author Thread: relationship ~ may not be in the cards
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 21 (view)
 
relationship ~ may not be in the cards
Posted: 7/26/2017 7:06:51 AM
IMO if you're in a relationship that feels like "work", it's not the right relationship. The longer a person stays in a bad relationship, the longer they delay the possibility of finding a good partner or enjoying being by oneself. There's nothing good that comes from spending time with someone that you know isn't right for you.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 49 (view)
 
slept with a girl from work...bad idea
Posted: 7/26/2017 7:03:25 AM
If noone has mentioned it yet, many companies have rules in their employee manuals about fraternizing with coworkers, some companies take it further to include clients. So not only is it just a bad idea, it could jeopardize your job. Inter-company relationships can distract or disrupt business. I have never dated a co-worker and can't imagine that would ever happen. There are factors involved so I agree that you can't necessarily make a blanket statement that covers every situation, but the relationships that work out are the exception, not the rule.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 17 (view)
 
relationship ~ may not be in the cards
Posted: 7/26/2017 5:53:26 AM
So basically what you're saying is that you don't want an exclusive relationship, if I'm reading you correctly. There are many others who feel the same. For myself, while I enjoy having someone around, I don't want to do every single thing I do with them. While I am open to the potential of a committed relationship, I am fine NOT having to be in one. I like to have some times when I can go do things by myself, like going to the bookstore.

I know of those who feel they must be with someone, and find that (to no surprise) they're not always with the best partners for them. I don't know if that makes them co-dependent or not, but it sure does bring a lot of unhappiness and other bad stuff.

One of the difficulties in finding someone you're compatible with is finding another person whose wants and needs are fairly like your own. I cringe when people say that relationships are "work", while I agree that they don't just thrive on their own, I don't feel like the effort you have to invest in a relationship should feel like or become a burden.

Things that we enjoy require effort. If you love having fresh flowers or vegetables, say, you have to tend to your garden. You invest the time picking out your plants, making the garden bed, weeding, watering, etc. The payoff is the enjoyment of having flowers to brighten your table or fresh vegetables to eat. The whole idea of wanting to do what you want, when you want and how you want is immature, IMO, grownups have to do things at time they don't want to. I think that doing things for and with another person that you care deeply for is a joy.

Those are my thoughts.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Curious of honesty
Posted: 7/25/2017 4:18:55 PM
Being honest doesn't necessarily mean you just say everything to everyone all the time. It doesn't appear that you have much dating or relationship experience, so it might be better for you to spend time in a venue where you could make friends with girls your own age, etc. and get comfortable being around girls as friends.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Messages not being read?
Posted: 7/25/2017 4:14:30 PM

I want to make sure I'm not wasting my time before I send anymore
. Apparently "wasting your time" doesn't seem to bother you as you weren't happy with your first experience yet came back for another round. The only way to guarantee anything is to pay someone to spend time with you. Anything else is a crap shoot just like it is for anyone else. You also assume a lot, your attitude is showing and apparently it's not that appealing or attractive.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 62 (view)
 
What do you want from a significant other?
Posted: 7/25/2017 3:59:40 PM
Okay GTO, no worries. Teasing your stones...that's a new one. *wink*
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 318 (view)
 
Am I being made to feel less than a woman for lack of 'assets'?
Posted: 7/25/2017 3:57:12 PM
Well let's be accurate, noone can MAKE you feel a certain way, particularly about yourself. Now if you think he is implying you shouldn't feel as good about yourself then why would you consider wasting your time listening to any more of his blither? You say you get along well with him, that just doesn't make sense. Maybe you meant that you don't argue, or something like that but I wouldn't give anyone another second of my attention that spoke to me like that. What bothers me is why you would spend any more time with this person, it should bother you.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 60 (view)
 
What do you want from a significant other?
Posted: 7/25/2017 3:43:26 PM

but what if they're unique from me
Hey GTO always a pleasure, would you indulge me and clarify this? Not sure I'm following what you're saying.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
A guy asks me this....
Posted: 7/25/2017 3:40:41 PM
I don't blame you for not answering, you have no obligation to answer everything someone asks. It does seem strange that he would ask that out of the blue, if that was not in the context of what your conversation was. I've had some ask me some things that were way too personal, I don't answer them either.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Getting to know you
Posted: 7/25/2017 2:29:46 PM

" I'm not interested in anything that doesn't show potential."


My first comment on this is that you may want to clarify what specifically you mean by potential. Even so, my experience is that this is good in theory. You will, however at some point have to decide whether there is the requisite potential for you to continue to invest your time or not.

Over the time I've participated on these forums and interacted with many members I've really simplified this for myself. I DO require a phone contact, not text, not email....talk on the phone. If I enjoy the conversation and we want to meet, great. After we go meet did we both enjoy each other's company and want to do it again...great. This whole experience, dating or whatever name one chooses to use, isn't something that lends itself to a type of formula or set anything...agenda...schedule...blah blah ad nauseum. As an example, after how many dates should you have sex, which has been talked about endlessly.

Getting to know each other, which involves an investment of spending time together is supposed to be pleasant and even FUN! If you can't or don't enjoy that, why bother? There are times we make things more difficult or complex than they need to be.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 55 (view)
 
What do you want from a significant other?
Posted: 7/25/2017 1:40:30 PM
Someone who is comfortable enough to be their own true unique self around me and is comfortable with me doing the same. It's awful when you think you've gotten to know someone and then their true self comes out. If you're yourself and I'm myself and we don't enjoy each other's company, then so be it. If you don't like your own self enough to be true to that, then being what or who you think someone else may want will only end up wasting time and emotional energy.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 42 (view)
 
View of OLD
Posted: 7/25/2017 1:31:56 PM
First off just very basic things - like - why would you post a main pic of you in a hoodie and sunglasses? If you were to go out to meet women somewhere would you wear that? You just give the appearance of being disingenuous, the worst start - UNLESS you're just here to kill time or gripe. If that's the case which I suspect it is, then go play a video game or find some other way to piss off your time. Just sayin........
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 21 (view)
 
love him or leave him?
Posted: 7/25/2017 1:18:15 PM
I think even asking yourself that question should be answer enough.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Is it a good idea to meet with him.
Posted: 11/29/2016 5:48:00 PM
Why do you feel you need to meet halfway? I think you need to take a look at Steve Harvey's book. If a man wants to meet a woman, he'll do everything and anything he can do to make it happen....oh yeah that just not that into book, movie...etc. I know call it the double standard, the Mars/Venus...whatever but men and women are not the same, don't think the same. Period.

If a man is contacting me and persuing me and wants me to drive outside my neighborhood to meet him, guess what? Not happening...I've had men who drove across the state to take me to dinner (at their invitation and insistence) even drove or flew out of state to meet. Not because I ever asked or even hinted, it was because they wanted to, insisted on it.

You have to value yourself, respect yourself and not accept anything less than someone that proves by their actions they feel that you're worth the effort to be able to spend time with you. If you don't nooone else will.

If I go to meet someone I pick a place where I'd want to go anyway or someplace where there are lots of things to do close by. Haven't been "stood up" yet....but if I were, it wouldn't tank my whole evening...afternoon...whatever.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Should I justr accept that I can't get a normal woman?
Posted: 11/29/2016 5:32:18 PM
"I'm noticing that non-disabled women seem to be out of my reach, but I really really don't want to try dating disabled women. I'm honestly thinking either giving up entirely, or trying to lower my expectations."

Let's get back to the basics, while most people who are (let's just say "successful") at finding someone to date end up with someone who has things in common (that's a whole wide range) but people who end up together are usually with someone who is more like them than un-like them. I know it's a generality..however there's a sound reason for that. It makes getting to know someone (IE dating..ugh) more enjoyable and it makes being able to relate to and understand much easier.

So by purposefully seeking someone "different" from you, you're DEcreasing your chances. I realize you're young, so I'll give you a little break, but from the way you phrase things, your post is incredibly insulting to any disabled women. You say "I don't want to try dating disabled women" really...geez how the HELL do you think any disabled women would want to date you? Quite an erroneous presumption! And lowering your expectations, from the way of your thinking, a non-disabled woman would have to LOWER HER EXPECTATIONS to consider dating YOU!! IMO your biggest ISSUE is not your disability, it's your incredibly low self esteem that manifests in insulting arrogance, you can't blame that on only having one leg, BTW. And if you think this is harsh, I DID give you a little bit of a break because you're young. You may not have the "choice" of giving up, but don't be surprised if you spend an extended period of time alone.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 125 (view)
 
Dating killer turn offs
Posted: 11/29/2016 5:16:22 PM
"women should not date a guy who can't afford a comma............"

Thanks to whoever posted that, it was a laugh I really needed.

As to the OP, perhaps some type of tutorial on how to title threads might be a help......just saying. I've learned, not from being on this site, that when someone says "when men, when women....blah blah" that's really all I need to know. IMO what it reveals is a recurring issue that ONE individual person continues to have with the opposite (or same) sex and hasn't seen the common factor IE not learned a darned thing from all that experience.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 15 (view)
 
How long after the divorce....
Posted: 11/18/2016 3:53:12 PM
I met my second husband the same week my divorce was final, it was only one hearing...boom...done. I was no more interested in meeting a man than having my fingernails ripped off. BUT....I joined something that he happened to be a member of, and it literally just happened, over a period of a couple of months.

There is no crystal ball for this, sometimes you meet the best ever person for you when you're not even interested. Trust me, if there were some "secret" or this was something that anyone could tell you, I'd be the first in line to try to help you out. I believe timing is a factor, certainly, but you just have to let things either develop or not and do your best not to have a type of agenda in mind. That being said it's reasonable to have some type of commitment (if that's what you want) before you invest too much of yourself (and time) into someone else.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 15 (view)
 
is asking if interested considered needy?
Posted: 11/18/2016 3:44:56 PM
You've gotten some great advice so far. My thought is why would you even be thinking about if or how much she may be interested. Saw her twice, holy cow, how well can you get to know someone in that short of a time? The more time you spend with someone the better you are at reading their "tells"....IE body language, etc. There's no shortcut you can't write a macro that speeds up the process.

Here's how I "work" I spend time with someone I enjoy spending time with. Period. There may or may not be any further interest past one meeting (date..ugh..whatever). I think of "dating" per se as spending time with someone I am enjoying getting to know. Period end of sentence. One of the worst mistakes people make is to frame "dating" into some frame of reference, agenda, etc. like how many dates before you have sex, look at many of the forum topics. If people would just let a relationship (2 dates isn't a relationship) either develop or not ORGANICALLY...to use a cliche...let it happen as opposed to trying to make it happen, then there would be many more success stories. That's my deal and I'm sticking with it.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Does money matter so much?
Posted: 11/18/2016 3:35:14 PM
Of course money matters........looks matter......education matters.....everything matters, it's just a question of how much it matters. Money simply doesn't matter as MUCH to some people as it does to others.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Catfished !
Posted: 11/18/2016 3:29:50 PM
Dude, someone that doesn't look as young or as slender as their profile pic, those are NOT catfish as has been do aptly pointed out. They're just delusional, met many of them myself, and when confronted, they say they're such a great catch they don't think it should matter. Really, honest, I've been told that numerous times. Go figure.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Are the profiles that are at the top of the search list the most recently active?
Posted: 11/18/2016 3:27:12 PM
It's sort of like when you see someone you know from church in a bar and they give you that deer in the headlights look and ask "What are you doing here?" I had that happen to me once, it was karaoke night (not that that mattered) but it didn't bother ME a bit, the poor girl looked a little stunned. I laughed about it.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 51 (view)
 
The 80/20 rules and why relationships suck today.
Posted: 8/20/2016 3:52:21 PM
To take the opposite tact of the OP's perspective, what percent of what they want are you able to provide them? What if you got 80% and she only got 35%? Seriously, this whole line of thinking is flawed, people aren't like the movie Weird Science where you can order up your "perfect" partner off a wish list.

And relationships don't suck "today", the period or era that we're in has nothing to do with it. To quote someone else, relationships are successful when each partner is getting their needs met. The idea of perfect compatibility is not possible, otherwise you'd be with the opposite sex version of yourself. For me, that would be incredibly boring for one, and I know it wouldn't last long.

I think the ideal situation is one where there are some commonalities and a nice mix of other interests, characteristics, etc. that mesh well and/or compliment each other. Also I don't think many people are really that interested in the health and well-being enough of the relationship itself, outside of just the needs/wants of the individuals in it. A partner has to do things they'd rather not do at times but that contribute to making the relationship "work". Most people I meet are too inward focused (okay....selfish) and only are thinking about what they're going to get out of it without little or even any consideration as to what they're willing to put into it.

It's a wonder (well maybe not really) why anyone who thinks relationships suck would be wasting their time on a dating site.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
On a scale of psoriasis to fish
Posted: 8/20/2016 11:31:11 AM
Well I see you all ran off another one.......haha.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Lawyers
Posted: 8/20/2016 11:29:46 AM
Legally, anyway, there is no conflict of interest as far as the attorney is concerned. I wouldn't either mention it or not mention it, unless and until it comes up in conversation. I don't think it should be an issue unless either one of you makes it one. Using the same attorney is like using the same plumber, so what it's just a professional service.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Is my strategy flawed?
Posted: 8/20/2016 11:19:52 AM
The only "flaw" I see is paying attention to who made the initial contact. If you're enjoying interacting with someone it shouldn't matter who emailed who first. I also don't like the use of the word strategy, it denotes there's an agenda and in interpersonal relationships, that's a flawed concept. Looking for someone to share your life with isn't like looking for a great job or a good place to live (yeah I know there's going to be some kickback from that, but I'm sticking with it anyway.)
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Don't Look, He Will Come to You
Posted: 8/19/2016 1:50:54 PM
The laws of attraction and all those cliche-ish sayings are basically saying the same thing.

Be happy with yourself and stay involved in the environment that you're in. People who are happy and interested will attract others generally speaking. Increase your social network, go to a new group or activity. Find things to add to what you enjoy doing, any time you're out meeting new people it increases your inner confidence (now this is my OWN theory, not from any book).

Don't limit yourself to singles events only, good Lord, the few I've attended to from here I've only met interesting ladies. It's like high school the boys stay on one side of the room the girls on the other. Seriously, very disappointing, yet I may strike out again and get out to another one.

You become an interesting person by BEING interested (another one of my own pet theories).
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Writing messages to men
Posted: 8/19/2016 1:42:48 PM
As others have said, it's not as much the message as to where there's an interest. As another wise person (who thinks like me...haha) pointed out, you do not live in a metropolis like I do, the greater Tampa Bay area, where there are millions of singles plus tons of year round activities.

So how to solve the first barrier, there is no magic to it but it does help to try to develop a sense of what type of guys would be attracted to and/or interested in you. I can tell you what, not HOW that's the part you have to figure out for yourself like all the rest of us. It's hard to turn off that inner whatever it is that pops on when we see the profile of someone who's attractive or interesting. We tend to want to shoot off an email and hit send, but to develop that knack (if that's what it is) for sensing the type of guy that would have an initial spark of interest in you that's worth putting some time into. I've been here awhile and though I rarely initiate an email convo, I would say I have a fairly good "success" rate. If there were some secret to it, trust me, I'd be MORE than glad to share.

For your second challenge, I think you need to get out as much as possible and meet people in various venues and don't ever rely only on the computer to "meet" people.

That's all I've got, darling, hope that helps.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Is there anybody out there who's willing to give an ocerweight man trying to lose weight a chance?
Posted: 4/2/2016 1:42:45 PM
I think there are many who said this, but you need to understand that most are looking for someone who is similar and physically similar is one aspect. I know a lot of very overweight men email me, and I'm very slender and it's a turnoff. Plus the truth is that you can't be as healthy, so it's not fair to expect a woman who's an ideal weight and healthy to "give you a chance". I hate that phrase myself, why would someone give you a chance, a chance for what? If you want someone who'll give you a chance go to a casino, at least there you have a chance...maybe not a big one. In real life, though, people don't just go around handing out chances, it's unrealistic.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 25 (view)
 
How to deal with emotional triggers?
Posted: 4/2/2016 1:37:31 PM
Here's what I see, you said he earned your trust back but continues to "innocently" mention something about her or her name. I don't see that as innocent, maybe unintentional but he has to respect you enough to have the control to stop talking about her around you. If he can't do that, then it's not a healthy relationship. I have family members who keep talking to me about a sibling the mention of whose name just sends me off. I just have to quit talking to them, and although I have mentioned it to them more than once, they don't see to have the CONTROL to realize that it upsets me.

There are times where it's appropriate to cut off ties with people, even if it's family, IMO.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
The 36 Question
Posted: 3/24/2016 1:01:53 PM
With your present profile, I wouldn't worry too much it's doubtful you'll get a chance to ask many people those questions. Just saying..
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
First Three Things You Look For On A Guys Profile
Posted: 3/24/2016 10:59:36 AM
Location, age, religion, profession, education and for snickers astrological sign - not in that order and yes I know the OP said 3, but that's what I scan first.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 18 (view)
 
what to do now that I let him move in and I now want him out.
Posted: 3/24/2016 9:50:08 AM
"I don't want things to get ugly but it appears they may have to go there just to be rid of him." I got news for ya sweetie, it's already ugly. If he hasn't left because you asked him to, it's ugly. He is forcing you to take some sort of action. Tell him he has a deadline to get his stuff, and I'd put it somewhere outside the home, a porch, patio and have the locks changed. I'm not that much of a handywoman but I've changed out a door lock before myself. He's already shown he has no respect for you, your residence or anything else. I wouldn't give him any further consideration, tell HIM where and when to come get his stuff, change the locks on YOUR house and don't give him a second thought. He is not WORTH feeling sorry for, he's already pushed that button once too often.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
what to do now that I let him move in and I now want him out.
Posted: 3/24/2016 9:23:48 AM
"And he literally guilted me into letting him live with me." People only do what you allow them to, this is just one example of how you're not taking any ownership of this situation. Sure people can lie and mislead you, but you can't put ALL the blame on him. See if there's a woman's shelter that has someone you can speak with on what you can do or where to go, or contact a desk sergeant to see how you can legally remove someone. I would take the chance, if it were ME, and just change the locks, whether the law says you have a right to do so or not. Eviction is going to cost you more and take a LOT longer, in the meantime he'll have a lot more chances to seek out revenge, change the damn locks!
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 268 (view)
 
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 3/24/2016 9:11:56 AM
Here's the deal, of course there are people who claim they are innocent or that it was some sort of "accident" and they didn't feel they deserved to be labeled as such. I communicated with a met a guy who was visiting my former church. I spent a little bit of time with him, he was WAY too interested and when I asked him why he didn't have a facebook page, he started ummmming and when I DEMANDED he tell me his last name. One guess what I found out.....registered sex offender......and with a minor. I confronted him and he came up with this story, at a former business in Naples, FL he had put out a computer for the general public to use. I know the area and there's lots of tourists and it was a real estate office...okay, I could buy that, not so outlandish. Well SOMEHOW there was kiddie porm installed on it so his (now) ex wife took it into the police dept, and of course you know how the rest of the story goes. They charged HIM, it ruined him, he was having to start over, blah blah. The longer the story went the more my stomach turned. Hey, I'm a writer and if I made up a story, trust me, it'd at least be BELIEVABLE. I told him so, blocked him, that was the end of that.

There ARE instances where people are wrongly accused, they are EXTREMELY RARE, and the exception not the rule. I've heard of some cases where there was consensual (but not LEGAL) sex between people who were not of age and one of them gets charged and then is tagged as a sex offender. Again, the exception not the rule and really are people that ignorant?

So if someone tries to "sell" you some outlandish, long-ass story about how they don't deserve to be charged as a sex offender......DON'T BUY IT!!
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 266 (view)
 
Registered Sex Offender?!?
Posted: 3/23/2016 9:35:41 AM
"I don't see how cause first of all dosent the Bible say don't judge or in like manner you will be judged" This isn't judging, law enforcement has evidence that he committed a crime. Period. If he's a sex offender it's not because of people "judging" him it's because there was credible evidence to support the offense he was charged with.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Am I rushed or i'm overthinking?
Posted: 3/18/2016 4:53:30 PM
Tada!!! As the thread unfolds, we get the whole or closer to the whole story. Wow, the drama continues........well I can say one thing, being on this forum is NOT boring!!!

I agree that having psychological issues and seeing a therapist is not necessarily a blanket throw them to the curb thing, but I think it's something that should be told straight up before you invest a good chunk of time with someone. And of course it depends on what the issue and therapy are for. I think we all have had at least periods of time where we could have benefited from some therapy but I had the same deal, fortunately I was told before I was too invested and in THIS instance I dropped the guy like a prom dress.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Three state laws that 'substantially reduce' gun deaths
Posted: 3/18/2016 1:29:06 PM
There's no absolute of course the best laws are for prevention, but there's a point at which it more or tighter laws are only a burden to the law-abiding. There will always be a criminal element who doesn't care about what the laws are or intend to obey them. There is a balance between allowing law abiding citizens guns for protection and sport and trying to prevent crime.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Three state laws that 'substantially reduce' gun deaths
Posted: 3/18/2016 1:06:34 PM
Here's my thing about guns and laws. It really only applies to those who care to legally purchase and use guns, but is that the majority of people who are guilty of gun deaths? People buy guns illegally, and people steal guns. It doesn't matter how many laws are made, the only ones who care are those who follow the law. Criminals won't give a hoot. And yes, I realize some of the mass shootings have been by someone with no criminal history, and some of the weapons used were legally registered but used by someone without the owners permission or knowledge. There just isn't a big enough net to toss to cover every iteration of gun violence.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Am I rushed or i'm overthinking?
Posted: 3/18/2016 12:57:59 PM
I think this is one of those scenarios seen too often. OP if you're not comfortable enough to talk to her about this, then you have to question if you should continue with her or not. Like someone said, she can't read your mind and can't know what you're feeling unless you tell her.

You may as well get used to talking to the person you're either dating or starting to see about how you feel and think even if it's a topic that isn't all about how wonderful they are. You BOTH need to be happy with the pace or speed and how it's flowing....or not....and talking about it doesn't mean it's the END. If it is, then wouldn't you rather know that she may be indifferent to how you feel now rather than spend another few months or weeks? You could be surprised, she may be very understanding.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Etiquette
Posted: 3/18/2016 12:51:06 PM
Not one to spread rumors (ahem) but I suspect there is an unknown black hole that people mysteriously fall through never to be seen or heard from again. It has to be, people disappear off here so often and so quickly the FBI wouldn't be able to keep up.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
A Story Synopsis
Posted: 3/18/2016 12:49:00 PM
Here's the reason he wouldn't go back to the family who hired him, they didn't provide the intel he's relying on, only the usual identification. It's not that he won't, for one thing, he has to find out ASAP who this woman is since her identity appears to have been erased and also he has to do any further investigating very carefully, because he has a suspicion it could be a setup and the most likely suspects are the ones closest to him (isn't that almost always the case?). I appreciate all the input.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
 
A Story Synopsis
Posted: 3/15/2016 5:48:18 PM
If you read this summary would it intrigue you enough to pick up the book?


Ian Scott’s bio would read like a thriller. Retired from both the military and law enforcement, on occasion he is sought out to rescue someone who is - or is presumed to have been - kidnapped.

On one occasion, after rescuing a heavily drugged woman from a safe house, he discovers to his horror that this isn’t the woman he was hired to save. The fingerprints aren’t a match, and she can’t remember anything, including her name. Physically, she is as close to an identical twin as he’s ever seen.

According to his very thorough intel, the people who orchestrated her kidnapping were some of the most highly skilled and dangerous. After exhausting all his resources without finding one useful clue, he concludes her identity has been erased.

In the meantime, he has to keep this woman he calls Jane, close by. It’s a fine line, trying to investigate and eliminate possibilities without arousing her suspicion.

Drawing on his law enforcement background, he starts with himself. Potentially there could be hundreds of people who would want to harm or kill him. Since that task is too onerous, then where did his intel fail? Although he works alone, he draws on many resources that he’s used often. It’s possible - although very unlikely – one of them would be involved.

That leaves him with one possibility – the woman he rescued. Was she really kidnapped, did she have amnesia? If this was a set-up, the person behind it had to be someone whose skill set matched or exceeded his own.

It will take everything in him to figure this out – and in time, that is the only thing that he knows for sure.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
How do you make sure your opening message is good?
Posted: 3/15/2016 5:36:18 PM
You have to wait to see if you get a reply.........you're welcome, signed Ms. Obvious.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 98 (view)
 
Why are women so picky? it's not fair is it?
Posted: 3/14/2016 10:26:08 AM
I think the simpler you keep it, the better. There will always be dealbreakers, but I think those should be somewhat limited and be ABSOLUTE dealbreakers not any iffy ones. Really if you think about it, we all know the kind of people we enjoy spending time with and getting to know. I'm not fond of those who are hyper political and not just want to talk politics all the time, but try to foister their beliefs and thoughts on you. That's an example of a dealbreaker for me, my interest in politics at all is minimal at best.

I think you need to find a balance between feeling that you're throwing it WIDE open, like anyone breathing who can still feed themselves, down to a shopping list that you tick off. In between those two extremes there's probably a comfortable range where you may want to give someone a test email or chat.....
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 66 (view)
 
Should I simply give up on dating?
Posted: 3/11/2016 10:28:21 AM
For Gods sake, man, get a blowup doll and be done with it. If you are just looking for a hole to stick your wanker in, a blow up doll is the simplest way to go.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 85 (view)
 
stop with the endless messages and ask me out already
Posted: 3/11/2016 10:21:15 AM
"I know I'm going to be judged harshly for this, but okei. I once talked to someone on the phone and decided not to meet because of his voice."

Nothing at all wrong with that, I've done the same thing. It's not just the voice, sometimes it's how they act, talking over you, not listening or paying attention. A short phone call can tell you a lot.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 22 (view)
 
So confused! Does she actually like me?
Posted: 3/10/2016 4:53:00 PM
"My plan now is to drop it, delete her number, and if she messages me back....just see how it goes, on my rules." This sounded like a great plan....until the end...... ON MY RULES. Really? First of all your English sucks, but you just revealed yourself as a bit of a control freak. ON YOUR RULES? Wow I know if a guy said that, it would make me RUN...out of a pair of GOOD shoes.

So if this poor girl decides to contact you again, you're going to try to make her do what you want when you want it. Let us know how that works out, I won't be waiting to hear.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 17 (view)
 
How many men have upgraded profiles, does it make us more enticing?
Posted: 3/10/2016 4:27:33 PM
"I don't quite believe that, if they view your profile on a regular basis that says something." I believe this has been addressed before and unless it's changed, the profile views just are those who have viewed your profile AT SOME TIME. There is no way to determine how many times someone looked at your profile and from what I understand if someone keeps appearing in your profile views, it is just that they're logged again not that they've LOOKED at your profile again. You can look at someone's profile 20 times a day for a month, it doesn't mean anything until they CONTACT YOU.

If this is incorrect, then know that it's not intentional, it's just how I've understood profiles views work. Do a thread search and see the posts on profile views.

I wouldn't try TOO hard (or at all, really) to figure out people's behavior until such time as you're having personal contact. All the rest is foreplay......haha.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
is something wrong with my profile.or me?
Posted: 3/9/2016 5:18:09 PM
First thing you need to do is read the posting rules and learn how to use thread search. This topic is the most overdone on this forum, there's got to be hundreds of pages of posts on this topic.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Removing profile pic?
Posted: 3/9/2016 5:15:06 PM
The obvious thing is to ask her, as she is the only one who knows why.
 
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