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 Author Thread: Has a lack of success caused you to re-evaluate your wants/expectations?
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Has a lack of success caused you to re-evaluate your wants/expectations?
Posted: 3/15/2012 11:37:34 PM
No but I've never actually had some strict or unimaginable set of expectations either. I'm pretty level headed and reasonable, so none of this has ever caused me to evaluate anything like that.

But anyone SAYING that is a**** I wouldn't touch them. It's bad enough to think it but to even say it... shows little respect or class.

Changing something like distance or small criteria isn't a big deal, but doing something like "I'm completely repulsed by this person, or they aren't really a great person, but I'm not having luck so I'll give them a shot" isn't something I'd ever say anyone should do. Unless 'completely repulsed by them' would mean 'this person is pretty average'. As long as expectations aren't unreal or exceptionally high there's absolutely no reason to change them. Sometimes you do have to compromise on some issues and all though.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Do guys consider this a challenge?
Posted: 3/13/2012 10:50:26 PM
I don't really think anything of it. People deserve respect and if you don't want to sleep with someone for a year, that's your choice. If they are that quick to jump ship then they obviously don't hold the same values on it.

People don't seem to hold those values anymore though. And I'm sure I seem like a minority speaking as a guy about how it's not a big deal to wait for it lol.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 693 (view)
 
>>>>>>>>>>>>> Viewed Me Now a Paid Feature: Please post comments here
Posted: 3/13/2012 10:43:16 PM
This is honestly one of the most idiotic things I've seen so far.

If you click on it it even says "Our goal at POF is to charge for addon features". HOW IN THE WORLD is this an addon feature? This is something that has been available FROM THE START, yet you TOOK IT AWAY FROM US and are now telling us to PAY FOR IT BECAUSE IT'S AN ADDON FEATURE?

What the hell are these people smoking and where can I get some? Because whoever thought this was a bright idea or logical was clearly influenced by something great, because this isn't something any rational person would do.

And this site is heading in the direction of a pay site. It's just stupid. There's no other way around it. I don't care if anyone used this feature or not, this is something that has been TAKEN AWAY and we are now being forced to pay for if we want it. Seriously...

Next thing they will be forcing us to pay to TALK to people... or to post. Who knows. This is a trash move.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 96 (view)
 
Concealed weapon on a first date?
Posted: 9/1/2011 8:00:02 PM
I don't care if people carry guns or what they have as long as they're abiding by the law. It's just all the people that seem to think that a person who is legally carrying is somehow some crazy nut job looney who is a threat to all around (or specifically them even). Just because they agreed to meet said person, in public, with other people around, so many people would be concerned with a shootout of some sort?

Acting like this person who they are familiar with to some level is somehow more threatening than these people they know nothing about. It's just crazy. MOST people out there aren't anything to worry about, MOST people with guns aren't something to worry about. It's the few nutters who make everyone paint all people of that variety with a broad stroke. It just doesn't make sense.

And worrying specifically over a gun when knives are much easier to handle and conceal and just as dangerous? Or other (potential) weapons. If someone is that close to you they don't need a gun, so why worry about a gun? Those bad boys also make noise. Other things don't.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 94 (view)
 
Concealed weapon on a first date?
Posted: 9/1/2011 7:40:11 PM
Way to miss the point of my posts. If you're in an area where you aren't worried about everyone else, why are you so worried about your date? That's MY point. Someone who you have had interaction with, someone who you KNOW to some extent, as opposed to all these STRANGERS you don't know.

I live in a good area without a much crime. But guess what? It has happened to me. What is it that everyone here so adamantly against dating with guns seems to miss about the fact that it's possible ANYWHERE? Just because some places are worse than others doesn't mean shit doesn't happen in the better places. Get real.

I don't care that someone doesn't like guns or people with guns or whatever, that's their opinion, their choice, all that. What I don't understand is why everyone assumes someone with a gun is an automatic threat especially when you are supposedly in an area that is safe, public and filled with people that would prevent such a happening? No one is flipping out over a cop potentially going nuts with his guns and tasers and beat sticks or any of that. They had training just like someone who has the license to carry concealed had training. You don't just walk into the gun shop and go 'hay dawg i wna curry mah gun conseeled yo' and they give it to you. You gotta actually meet qualifications as well as be trained on the laws AND use of the thing, just like anyone else who's required weapons training.

And here's the funny thing, I DON'T carry a concealed weapon. So don't go thinking I've got a hardon for a couple pounds of steel, brass and lead in my pocket or anything.

My entire point is that why is it suddenly considered such a threat that a date may possibly be carrying a weapon? Anyone else out there may be too, anyone else out there could be a threat but you don't pay them any attention, but some guy/girl three feet away from you is SO dangerous?

Like or dislike guns, I just don't understand this mentality that a date is any different from anyone else potentially having a gun or other weapon. Hell, like I said, your body makes a pretty good weapon if you want to really do something to someone, so your date doesn't NEED a gun to be dangerous, but somehow it's absurd. Especially given how easy it is to turn any number of things into a very effective weapon. What is it that makes a GUN so much more threatening when they could easily be carrying a knife and don't even need a permit for that one?
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 67 (view)
 
Head of the household?
Posted: 9/1/2011 6:14:59 PM
Doesn't matter what it is but anyone with a modicum of qualification as a leader knows when to defer to another or when to share responsibility and stuff.

Being head doesn't mean be all end all, god of the house or anything.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Pictures
Posted: 9/1/2011 5:50:02 PM
They probably just want more pics of you for JO material. That's my guess...

I would maybe ask for more pics once just to see another picture or maybe a more recent one or whatever, but aside from that I wouldn't ever bother. And I'd rather meet someone anyway...

But then again this is like anything... it varies from person to person but I would really go with the first thought I had on this, at least for the majority of them...
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 90 (view)
 
Concealed weapon on a first date?
Posted: 9/1/2011 4:31:56 PM
Oh I'm not saying that a date wouldn't be safe. Read my first post, it's highly unlikely (the odds of that are EXTREMELY slim) that someone qualified to carry a concealed weapon (in Ohio, I don't know other areas) is going to shoot you on a date. I don't see why people are so worried about the date.

And meeting at a safe and public area is ANOTHER reason you shouldn't need to worry about your date. If he/she wanted to do something with you they'd do something low profile and concealed, like, oh, I don't know, getting you in a dark alley, not on your damn date. I just don't understand this irrational fear of someone possibly having a gun is all.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Bed Jumpers over Girls with Morals
Posted: 9/1/2011 4:09:27 PM
Just depends on the person. Judging by your age you're going to encounter a lot of guys who are just going to expect you to sleep with them right away. If you don't want to do it, don't do it.

Part of that comes from being young, but it's also how a lot of guys are with girls who are young and attractive... so... you're probably going to encounter this a lot... not really anything anyone can say is going to change it or really be able to help you avoid it I don't think.

If you want to wait, wait. Don't try to get with a guy and give into just sleeping with him right away if you don't really want to because they obviously aren't going to be a good fit for you.

I don't expect or even really want a girl to sleep with me right away. But I know I'm probably the minority here especially around my age.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Showing Interest
Posted: 9/1/2011 3:53:16 PM
Why is everyone replying to this about being affectionate and tongue throating and all this?? I thought the question was about seeming INTERESTED??

It's not hard to seem interested. Do you enjoy your time with someone? Would you like to see them again? If the answer to these questions is yes, it's really not that hard. Sometimes it's hard to know exactly how far you want to go with someone, but that's different from being interested.

If I went out with someone once or twice and they didn't seem interested I wouldn't want to see them again either. It's one thing to be nervous or not be affectionate or whatever, it's another to just plain not seem interested.

With the OP it just says not seeming interested. So I don't understand all this talk of everything else...

I mean is this about being affectionate or interested? Two entirely different matters.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Dating- how often?
Posted: 9/1/2011 3:37:45 PM
Acting less available comes off as game playing and I don't play by that. I want someone to want to see me, not make me want to see them by acting like they don't want to see me. I'm going to lose interest.

It's one thing to BE busy and not have a lot of time but it's another thing all together to just do something like not see someone so much.

And how often you see someone depends upon how often you and that person want to see each other. No one else should tell you how to do that or how often you want to or should want to see someone. It's between you and the person you're seeing, no one else.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 88 (view)
 
Concealed weapon on a first date?
Posted: 9/1/2011 3:13:43 PM
You realize how many people you come across whom you've had NO interaction with? What's to stop them from coming at you with a gun? I don't see how the date thing is automatically different when there are SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE ALL THE TIME. I don't see how they are ANY less dangerous than someone you might be going out with. Yet most people would brush right by them and all without even batting an eye, but somehow your date is potential death!
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 85 (view)
 
Concealed weapon on a first date?
Posted: 9/1/2011 2:36:40 PM
Everyone acting like carrying concealed when required to have a permit (here in Ohio) don't really understand what you have to go through or the requirements to be able to legally carry. Something like no violent crimes, no mental issues, whatever, PLUS you have to go through training and whatnot to even be allowed to carry concealed. It's not like any random Joe out there is allowed to carry concealed, plus the idea of carrying concealed is that no one knows it's there, it shouldn't be an issue whether you carry it or not.

Plus, this isn't about getting into a shoot out on/with a date. You're carrying for protection of yourself and those around you (should a situation arise) why is a date an automatically different situation than just going out any other time? I don't understand what suddenly makes a date different than taking a stroll alone or doing something on your own.

In fact, having the license should be more of a show that you're COMPETENT and NOT a crazy person, that's going to shoot anyone up. What's going to stop someone who's not licensed from carrying concealed and shooting you up? Why is anyone worried about a licensed guy who's had to go through courses and pay a fair amount of money to obtain the license over every other person who you have NO idea if they're carrying cus you know nothing about them, whether they're crazy or armed or not?

Hell, it's not the gun that kills people and the human body is MORE than capable of doing the job very well, it just depends upon how determined the person is and their abilities, much like with a gun. Not like it's illegal to carry a pocket knife on you yet that's more than capable of putting someone down... no one is freaking out over pocket knives or anything. You're on a DATE, if the other person wants to put a few inches of steel in you they are MORE than close enough to pull that one off. Don't see why everyone is worried about a freakin gun.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 57 (view)
 
CINCY AREA Sept. 2, Shimmers Tavern, Ft. Wright, KY
Posted: 9/1/2011 11:39:57 AM

Zergzlol,
Hey if there aren't many of your age group why don't you try inviting some friends, maybe even a guy you've been eying. The events are a great place to meet without having to worry about being stuck with them if things don't turn out the way you planned. If you mingle you'll have fun, and I know the hosts (Sharon and Jo) will help you to get around and mingle just ask them. If you don't get out then how do you meet people. You got to put yourself out there.


Well if it was as simple as inviting a guy I think I'd be set. But I get to deal with women (). And the majority of my options are my age or younger (I'm sure most know how that goes with women and younger guys). Which is a whoooole other issue lol.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 39 (view)
 
who contacts whom first??
Posted: 8/31/2011 9:57:05 PM
I don't think it has anything to do with who contacts who first. I say contact the person you want to contact.

Men don't get responses or messages because, let's be honest, men are expected to initiate the majority of the time, no matter the medium.

If women were sending messages like men do, they would probably find the same thing as men.

You could find out the difference by making a standard plain old profile of a male and female and see what gets more hits without pics. I'd be surprised if the female profile does not get more hits and messages than a male profile, which wouldn't be nearly the same volume.

Just the way it works generally. Men send out the majority of messages (isn't it something like 10 or 20% of first messages are women??).

As for chatting making it difficult to talk. How do you do it WITHOUT these sites? Do you hand out your personal background to every person you come across? I know I don't. I gotta feel my way around with someone in person, much like this 'chat' without background info.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 53 (view)
 
CINCY AREA Sept. 2, Shimmers Tavern, Ft. Wright, KY
Posted: 8/31/2011 9:11:33 PM
I just restumbled myself in these forums because I saw this and thought maaaaybe I should do this... then realized that I would probably be like the kid of all this which makes it seem like something I shouldn't do. Interesting how this works lol
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Do men leave emotionally long before physically leaving?
Posted: 6/25/2010 6:48:51 PM
Someone seeming emotionally withdrawn isn't as simple as them 'checking out' of a relationship, but it does happen. I know that when I'm preparing to leave I get the resolve and that usually means mental preparation and such.

Men and women both do this, but not all do any one thing except live, breathe, sleep and eat.

I know that most men typically take an inventory at some point and if they realize it won't work, they will not stick around. They won't take the time to 'check out' and then let the other person know. It's inefficient and not all that bright to stick around if you know it won't work.


<div class="quote">Until it becommes unbearable, men will stick around for the sex if they can.

And I hope this is a joke. Because it's not true.

I can say that PERSONALLY, once I know it's NOT going to work, I will not stick around. It's not worth the pain it inflicts on you to stick around knowing that it's not going to work. I guess you could say that I emotionally check out and everything, but it's not one of those long, drawn out things like you might experience in the typical sense. Once I've decided it won't work, I'm gone, I'm just detached in every way you can imagine right there.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Your looks talk for you online.
Posted: 6/21/2010 10:53:25 PM

Correct. In fact if you take a few moments to browse around some of the profile of those women / men who are far above average in looks you'll find that most of the time their profiles are lame and weak:


This is absolutely true. Online dating and stuff is hardly dating at all. It's 'like' real life, but it's actually MUCH more exaggerated than in real life.

Nobody gives you a chance to show your personality or ANYTHING, they just look at your picture, maybe your initial message and bam, that's it. You're in or you're out, period.

It might be in between, but that's a rare thing, those people just "don't exist" on here.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
 
The Ipad now has another competition-
Posted: 6/1/2010 11:57:40 PM
But the real question....does it support flash?!

Also, I have a tablet PC that can do everything the iPad can except for it's not a touch screen. It's like 5 years old. It just doesn't look like an oversized iPhone. So... the thing has always had competition and isn't nearly as innovative as it's made out to be.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Texting or Emails Instead of Talking
Posted: 6/1/2010 11:55:18 PM
This is a bunch of stupid stuff. Texting is a big thing now and much easier, quicker, and to the point than talking on the phone. Maybe people text because they want to get a direct message out immediately and want one in return.

I, for one, HATE talking on the phone. It's rare I will and rarer that I will enjoy it. I hate being on the phone, stuck listening to someone rattle on and on about this and that, when all they 'wanted' in the first place was to talk for a little bit. I don't care for hour long dissertations of their entire day or anything, for the most part, when a phone call is clearly intended to do something quickly. Not saying I always hate listening to the chatter and all, but there are so many people who end up rambling endlessly on the phone when they just want to say something short. Very annoying.

Also, texting can be received or sent ANY time. I could be jumping in the shower and send or read a text. A phone call doesn't serve a purpose there other than to delay what I'm already planning on doing. Texting is CONVENIENT. If people don't want to text, they should express this with the other party or parties involved and make it known, rather than complaining about it here.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Are programmers really paid per line of code
Posted: 5/22/2010 11:37:15 PM
The odds of a programmer being paid per line of code are so low that it's impossible.

Just imagine making a program, being a programmer, and writing a bunch of unnecessary crap, just to get paid more. I highly doubt that companies have NOT thought about this and would opt to just say 'hey write more code, we pay you more!'
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Would you marry me someday?
Posted: 5/22/2010 11:33:31 PM
You could always just ask him. You can't really mess up TOO bad if you use the proper wording and tone for such a thing.

An innocent 'why do you ask?' shouldn't be of insult to anyone. If it hasn't been terribly long, it's understandable. And of course I'm just speaking from my own experience and how I would react. I'm very sensitive to wording and tones when people say things, so that may help explain a little on that.

No one would be able to tell you what reasoning the guy had for it, none but him anyway.

Ask him if you really want to know. I know that I would never mention it unless I were serious though.

And as far as the guy knowing you're crazy over him, he may not know. We are known to be a dense variety of people. Unless you've specifically told him in some blatant way, there's a chance he doesn't know.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Am I dating a potential stalker?
Posted: 5/20/2010 10:26:21 AM
The dude seems nuts and has serious insecurity or jealousy issues. Point blank ask him wtf is going on why he does that and go from there. He COULD be afraid of losing you (not necessarily losing, I guess, but you get the concept), but he could be crazy.

There's really nothing more that could be said based on the information given. But it's pretty straight forward. Ask him what the hell is going on, why he does that. Then make your decision based on his response.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Give up your computer???
Posted: 5/20/2010 10:11:40 AM
That would be such an inane request. Especially for someone like me, who uses the computer for EVERYTHING. Not to mention that the thing is used for entertainment as well as working.

If someone doesn't trust you on the computer, they shouldn't be trusting you out alone. You know... just throwin' that out there....

And as far as fidning things. If you look hard enough, you'll find proof of what you're looking for. It's amazing what the mind is capable of conjuring up from nothing!!
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 119 (view)
 
How many of you guys actually find dates off POF?
Posted: 5/19/2010 2:33:34 AM

zergzlol, if I were you then I probably would not be wasting such fruitless efforts trying to meet dating potentials online.

Though as discouraging as it can sometimes seem, I believe online dating has allowed me to meet many a great range of people that I otherwise would not have met IRL/offline.

My two cents.


This is really the only reason I don't just delete all these things. I meet some great people online and love to meet people online that I'd otherwise NEVER meet. Sure, it's like one in a hundred that I meet, but the ones that I do meet are pretty damn great. I don't expect to get anything out of this, but I stick around for the possibility. No sense in closing off the possibility of meeting great people when it doesn't require ridiculous amounts of effort or anything.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 11 (view)
 
I didn't think guys were naturally magnominous (sp?)
Posted: 5/19/2010 2:27:16 AM
Thinking that guys have any lack of feelings compared to women is asinine, at best.

We feel. Generalizations like this are stupid as well.

Trust me, some guys can pass for heartless, while some of us just can't. Some feel just as strongly as you'd think you do, possibly more so. So don't go thinking that this is some strange phenomena. And there ARE many guys out there who would feel that way. Those that become emotionally invested in a relationship will likely feel that way. Not the kind that will half ass or have already decided to break up or whatever, but those that really put what they have into it.

It's really not strange, abnormal, unnatural, or whatever. People are people. Men or women, it doesn't matter. Just because a lot of guys act a certain way doesn't mean all or most do.

The fact he was there with someone for TEN YEARS doesn't seem to send a signal that he was emotionally invested? Love or not, that's a long time for someone to stick around if they aren't feeling it. And he had to have been feeling something and putting a lot into it for that to last so long. So it's NO surprise that a guy would feel remotely bad about that sort of thing.

Guys feel. Seriously. That's just a part of feeling and there's nothing odd about it. Like I said, to think otherwise is asinine. You've been watching too many movies or paying attention to the wrong people to believe that it's a chore and unnatural for a man to be faithful.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
When SHE asks for YOUR number...
Posted: 5/19/2010 2:19:16 AM
I personally like it. Shows initiative and that you aren't stuck in the stone age mentality that you can't initiate something. If you want it, just ask for it. We're supposed to be equal, right?

Some guys will be turned off by it, some will like it. It's a personal thing, no one can say for sure.

I can just tell you that I, and many guys I know, would like it and it would possibly be a lot better for you than you realize.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Should I forgive a cheater?
Posted: 5/15/2010 11:28:28 PM
Honestly, there's no reason to 'get back' at her at all. Forgive her and move on. It's ok (and quite healthy) to forgive. Just don't act like nothing ever happened if it bothers you.

I was cheated on and I have forgiven her for it. Do I feel any better about it? Have I forgotten about it? No. Nothing wrong with it, but it doesn't mean I feel ok about the whole deal or anything. And this is closing in on a year of the fact for me.

You do NOT have to reply to her at all though. I wouldn't, or at the most, I would just say that it's been forgiven but nothing can be the same at all. And it's completely reasonable to cut off all contact simply FOR the fact that it happened. That kind of thing HURTS and no one should blame you if it takes such measures for it.

Seriously, I'd say to forgive her, whether you tell her or not, and move on. If it hurt you so much that you don't want to have her in your life, then do it. Do what you feel you need to do, but there's absolutely no sense in holding a grudge and letting it end up buried inside where it's just going to fester, whether that's seen or unseen.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
How many of you guys actually find dates off POF?
Posted: 5/4/2010 9:45:55 PM
None so far. I either get a few messages or an instant read/deleted. I try to ask questions to help a conversation go, show some interest, common sense stuff you know.

And I believe that people really ARE extremely fickle on here (online in general). What you have to show people you is a picture and some words. Two dimensions to you, one is a singular captured moment.

Don't take good pictures? Nice try, better luck next time.

Don't have the perfect things to say? Nice try, better luck next time.

I have a MUCH better rate of meeting people in real life and I don't ever TRY to. That's how bad it is. People on the internet are just much quicker to judge because you appear one way to them and that's it. It's very hard to appear differently or give a different opinion online.

And this is coming from a decent looking guy with a lot going (and according to women, a lot of what women want). So it's an interesting experience. The online dating world is just a harsh place to be. Try not to take it personally, it's just the nature of the beast here.

I've noticed similar trends in nearly every online community, except the most accepting ones. Most dismiss you after one little slip of anything and that's it, you can't make it back after that.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
 
If your friends don't like him...
Posted: 5/4/2010 9:29:03 PM
Hanging out with people, without a solid resolve, will make you start to see things there way. You really become like the company you keep, no matter what people say.

So what if you're friends don't like him. Are they dating him? He's not dating them (hopefully)! So why the hell does it matter how they feel about each other? Unless they have a reason like him being an ***hole or cheating on you or something, what does it matter?

You do not date people because your friends like them. You date someone because YOU like them. Because they make YOU happy, not your friends. To do otherwise is stupid. I make choices my friends don't like and if they have a problem with it or me for it, they can bite me. It's my life, not theirs. Just like it's your life, they don't know the inner workings of every aspect of your life. No one will know all those details but you. You find someone you mesh with, someone that you can live with, someone that you like, and you go with it. Your friends aren't your date rulers or anything like that.

Either stand up for the guy to your friends or break up with him because you're doing him no favors by being two sided like that. Starting to see what they see and then being ok when they aren't around is not good for the relationship. Eventually you'll side with your friends if it keeps going that way.

If your friends don't want to be friends with you because of someone you're dating, they have problems, unless YOU are doing something to cause the problems. Like dating ***holes all the time or anything like that. If there's nothing wrong with this guy, your friends are being stupid and petty if that causes a rift between you.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 350 (view)
 
do you look like your pictures?
Posted: 5/1/2010 11:26:02 AM
I've been told I "don't look bad at all" and that I look better than in my pictures. I'm just not a photogenic person really. I always get bad angles, mid-sentence, whatever. I do at least resemble my pictures though. How closely, I'm not sure, but I don't do anything funky with them to try to make me look better.

I make a point to try to make them as accurate as possible though.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 20 (view)
 
The acceptability of lying
Posted: 5/1/2010 12:08:52 AM
I hate lying and won't stand for it. May not entirely cut someone out of my life for it alone, depending on what it is. But honesty is the best. Even though it hurts, if it's done in the right ways, causes much more good than bad.

I'd rather just have plain honesty all out. It may hurt, but if it's given and received out of care and all, then where's the harm? I'd much rather know where I stand with people and everything than to have to wade through lies.

The only thing remotely acceptable would be to hide some sort of gift or surprise for someone, even then I think it should be avoided. Lying does nothing good.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 54 (view)
 
Would it be wise for men to take intelligence into account?
Posted: 5/1/2010 12:04:36 AM
Some remote semblance of intelligence is a requirement for me. I want new things and I want challenges. Someone who can keep up with me provides both of these, whether it's new outlooks/perspectives or actually besting me at something. Helps keep things engaging and all. I also don't mesh well with people who are NOT of relatively high intelligence because they don't tend to have the ambition of intellectual pursuits (more worried about their job, their hair, their school or whatever than maybe expanding knowledge in general). The things I enjoy and talk about tend to lose those types and that sucks, because I'm a huge nerd. I also have a hard time doing anything that I specifically enjoy with my friends for this very reason.

So.... maybe not intelligence as a requirement in itself, but the desire of intellectual pursuits would be the right way to say that.

No idea if that actually makes sense to anyone else though...hopefully someone out there gets it.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Real Love, is it about giving more than what you receive?
Posted: 4/30/2010 11:45:06 PM
I can give a simple answer to this whole deal.

Here it is... love is about giving. If you focus on giving to the one you love, then, in a healthy relationship, they will turn around and give back to you. So it's a cycle. You give, they give, so you both end up giving to each other and feeding the relationship. Any healthy relationship should be like this.

Now, it's not all about HOW MUCH is given, as that fluctuates and sometimes you just have less to give than others and need more, that's just natural and should be understood but not the norm.

I have been in a situation where it felt like I gave everything I had and didn't get anything in return in the end. As far as my situation, it's a mixed bag, a combination of relief and grief over it. It's not fun, but in the end, I wouldn't have it any other way. I feel that is how it's supposed to be and if someone can't reciprocate, then it's just not meant to happen and that's the way things are.

It's all really simple in the end. At least for me. There's no excuse to do anything less. As mentioned before, there's the old saying of it being better to give than receive, that's what real love is.

And this rule also applies to ANY relationship. If you get nothing out of it, it's not worth it. If all one does is take and take and take, it's not healthy and should be ended or otherwise dealt with accordingly.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 61 (view)
 
going to resturants alone
Posted: 4/30/2010 11:38:07 PM
I do it from time to time. Nothing wrong with going alone. It's sort of like... you get ruled out as far as a patron for an establishment beyond 'fast food' simply because you don't have or want anyone to go with you at a specific point in time. It certainly may be abnormal, but not strange or weird or anything in the least.

Absolutely nothing wrong with things like this, unless it's something SPECIFICALLY for couples or other groups of people, then it might be a bit much.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 9 (view)
 
RFID Privacy & Security (Used in Credit Cards & Passports)
Posted: 4/30/2010 11:29:25 PM
I hate RFID because all it takes is one person with one thing from 30 feet away or whatever to steal your junk. This is the reason I have an RFID blocking wallet. Call me paranoid, whatever. I won't use an RFID card and will request to not have one, as well as using this fancy device of mine as a back up plan in case I end up with something like that and don't know right away or whatever (or in the case of putting it in our IDs!).

Internet isn't the safest place for everything, but at least I have some control over who can see my info by choosing not to do things on it. With RFID, it's on and with you everywhere, all it takes is someone you don't even see to screw you over. I mean, what are you going to do if they start forcing it on you? Not take your cards out with you unless you specifically plan on using them? Not practical in the least.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Bowling Question
Posted: 4/19/2010 8:17:06 PM

z....I'm not sure where you live but I know they do bowling events in the Columbus area too.


I live near Dayton, so all of these things tend to be an hour or further from me. I just happened to see this and it's so far away from me. I actually go bowling on my own right now...the whole trying to learn/get better deal! Haha, so it would've been perfect for me if something like that went on near here.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Firefox flaw
Posted: 4/16/2010 10:27:42 PM
Using Firefox 3.6.3 or whatever the newest is with an i7 and it's just fine for me... the CPU is NOT going to affect your browsing performance. I'd like to see someone pull a browser up that'll ACTUALLY make efficient use of hyperthreading that would improve performance beyond a single thread in the app. It's typically your display speeds that get you, not the processor...unless it's ancient.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Is it okay to lie in order to avoid an argument?
Posted: 4/16/2010 10:15:55 PM
Lying sucks. I'd rather risk and argument and have honesty than to avoid an argument by lying.

And if you want to avoid a petty or unimportant argument by lying (which, in the end, is NOT that big of a deal), why not avoid a bigger problem by doing the same thing? Such as with cheating...
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Bowling Question
Posted: 4/16/2010 10:13:28 PM
Why does it have to be so far away? I'm just starting to bowl and really get into it too! I actually just went today with my shiny new gear...
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 2343 (view)
 
Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all?
Posted: 3/11/2010 10:58:26 PM
First person I ever met was from a GAME, where you can't have pictures. I'd like a picture BEFORE meeting, but I have absolutely no problems with talking to people without pictures. I also find that people look better in person than in pictures. So I almost ALWAYS want to meet the person, before judging looks at all.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 23 (view)
 
just told the girlfriend I won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/11/2010 5:51:31 PM
If it's that big of a deal just state it and go from there. If she doesn't want to follow suit on it, that's her choice.

No need to bring in the 'if you love me it shouldn't be that hard' thing, a lot of people will take that as an attack or other act of offense (just look here, for example). You could have meant it completely harmlessly, but just keep that in mind.

Just say, you don't want her smoking if you're going to take it there. That's it. If it's acceptable while dating, that's fine, but I'd rethink that too, if you knew. There have been people I've met here that neglected to tell me they smoked weed until after I met them. It's easy to get blindsided by that one if you don't always stay on guard and ask the right questions at the right time.

Anyway, not going to say what you did was right or wrong, but just lay out your requirements, stick by them, and work with it. Don't back down for anyone if it's really how you feel or what you want, it's just not worth it and leads to nothing but getting hurt in the end.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
 
I chickened out...
Posted: 3/5/2010 5:56:01 PM

colt, thanks for that sentiment...but what if he's not attracted to me after all of our conversations? that would hurt. If we just simply met after sending a few messages back and forth that's one thing----but... now.. well..there's just way too many expectations...no?


What do you have to lose? You're going to avoid rejection by REJECTING THIS GUY? I mean, it's not even guaranteed but you're going to try to reject this guy for protecting yourself from POTENTIAL rejection.

You're basically not wanting to take a chance of a GOOD thing because there's a POSSIBLE downside. Ever figure that every good thing you do has a chance of a downside? It's true for everything. If you don't take a chance at all you'll get nowhere. And blowing this guy off because you're scared doesn't bode well for your chances with him either, the way you're acting now could very well be an indicator of the fact you're going to consciously or subconsciously sabotage your chances with this guy. You're already doing it and you haven't even MET him!!!
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Should I Just Move On?
Posted: 3/5/2010 5:37:46 PM
Sounds like she's just making up excuses not to get involved with you. Especially that line about being messed up and probably not wanting to get involved with her. That screams to me that she's making up excuses.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
I chickened out...
Posted: 3/5/2010 5:36:04 PM
You have to meet the guy to find out if he's all about sex. Unless he's STARTED something to make that clear, you won't know.

No one's going to be able to tell you what the guy's about. But not even meeting someone to find out what they're all about (except gut, unless you have some solid evidence for it) and assuming that they're all about this or whatever is pretty presumptuous, don't you think?
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Men VS Women of a youner age?
Posted: 3/5/2010 5:27:23 PM
If you know what you want, just be patient. I'm also in a similar situation, at 22, people my age don't seem to understand 'life' or 'relationships' or anything like that. Life is all about partying, drinking, smoking, school, working (maybe) and sleeping. I'm not into that and want something more in my life, so I find I must be more patient and it leads to lots of frustration.

I'm sure anyone in a similar position will find the same. You're at a point in life where a lot of people really just don't get it and aren't interested in making life work for them, but just doing whatever they want to for fun or what have you.

There's really not a whole lot of advice other than to say to keep trying, don't get too down about it, it's just part of life at this age. If you're not interested in a relationship with people older than yourself like that, it's what you gotta do. I also don't advise going for relationships with people that much older, but hey, that's a personal thing.

Anyway, never give up on it and just keep your mind open to different venues for people, especially those more likely to house people that are more on your level. I have trouble with knowing what those places are, so I'm no good there.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 14 (view)
 
A multiplier should be used in determining time for a relationship to develop!
Posted: 3/5/2010 5:22:21 PM
I don't think that kind of thing really works. Some people know themselves and exactly who they are and want to be at 20. Some people don't at 40. Plus, there's so many other variables you can't really apply one static number to this as sort of a multiplier for it all.

So... I don't think this can apply at all. So many people are so different, that this 'multiplier' being suggested would be different for EVERYONE to begin with. Then throw in any number of things to make it even more complicated.

Then again, life is complicated and can't be simplified to simple numbers, so why should this?
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Is testing someone's commitment wrong?
Posted: 3/3/2010 8:17:19 AM
Testing commitment or anything is totally wrong. You either trust or you don't. Testing shows a lack of trust, but takes it one step further. You are specifically setting up a scenario for someone to fail or not and 'prove' themselves to you.

Also, getting his password and logging onto his account is just sneaky and underhanded. You should never invade someone's privacy like that, trust or not. You've violated his rights there.

If you felt the need to get his password, just break it off now. You clearly aren't trusting him and have already committed violations against him, and you claim he's done the same. So just drop it now. You clearly aren't to be trusted either.
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 20 (view)
 
O For the LUV! Guys Taking the Lead on the First Date
Posted: 3/3/2010 8:10:31 AM
This is really stupid. I like to find out what the girl would like to do. Because, well, I'm considerate and want to take into account what SHE would like. Someone might not FEEL like eating their favorite food on that particular day. What is wrong with trying to get some input?

Not having initiative is not the same as trying to get input... and I like how you picked the one lady in here that downs a guy like that. Awesome hive-mind there!
 zergzlol
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Guy seems to good to be true, so its not true right?
Posted: 3/3/2010 7:58:31 AM
I pretty much agree with everyone saying that this seems like you're making issues out of nothing.


No, if you bothered to read my post, you'd understand that I didn't dismiss him because he asked, I dismissed him because his tone of voice changed when he found out I didnt park where he wanted me to. Big difference.


Really? I mean... really? A tone change? I should've known better than to express a different tone of voice to something that went different than expected or said! Seriously... a tone change? Really?
 
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