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 Author Thread: Male and Female Disconnect 40+ Age Group
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Male and Female Disconnect 40+ Age Group
Posted: 5/23/2012 5:31:41 PM
PoF is a site that is really based on looks. (just like in real life)
Next people tend to look over the deal breakers.
Its different for either sex, but popular ones are: how far do they live from me, do they have kids, how old are they, etc.
Then you have common interests.
If you have no interests with the person it really doesn't matter how good you look in the pictures as your conversation will be boring.
And then the person has to like your profile back, which they rarely do (1/3 messages don't get responded to, even adding in factors like ignored accounts and what not that's still a lot. ) Just because you think they look attractive doesn't mean the same is going to be true for them to you.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Why is it so hard to have a good conversation?
Posted: 5/11/2012 2:18:44 AM
It seems to me that most of the girls I have managed to get into a conversation just seem to make me do all the work to try and keep it alive. I have to ask all the questions, ask the right questions, etc. I would be surprised at this point if I found someone that responded equally and gave questions out as well. It is harder to have a conversation online though, I mean unless you have a topic you can really talk about and both parties are really interested in, it seems doubtful.

At this point I am getting kinda jaded due to results vs effort put in.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 135 (view)
 
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 5/8/2012 5:49:17 PM
The ratio of male to female internet usage alone could be seen as the direct reason for this, that and I have been told by many women that "they don't find men attractive, but their personalities do attract them" and its awfully hard to show your personality through pictures. I don't know how many women look through men's profiles, but it wouldn't surprise me if it was much lower.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Honesty
Posted: 5/3/2012 6:31:58 PM
Unless you live in New york or San Fransico, I agree, a car is not N/A.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 120 (view)
 
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 4/10/2012 6:35:05 PM
It really just comes down to the fact that if guys were getting 12+ messages a day they wouldn't feel like they would need to send any messages. Add to the fact that even like this site says "Only 1 of 3 messages get responded to" so girls who do get even a minor amount of messages will probably get discouraged from trying very quickly, while a guy pretty much has to put forth 100% of the effort to get any where on this site.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 30 (view)
 
How many of you have gone on successful first dates from people met on pof?
Posted: 4/5/2012 6:11:38 PM
Like I said, I get 2-4 into a conversation, I ask em out and BAM...
Never hear from them again. Oh well, just have to keep getting back on the horse I guess.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 29 (view)
 
How many of you have gone on successful first dates from people met on pof?
Posted: 4/5/2012 5:42:00 PM
Zero. Not for lack of trying either, even the ones I have managed to get into conversations with for a bit seem to suddenly get very quite when I ask them out. I have a few conversations still going on this site, but for the most part it seems like it just doesn't work.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Make me one of your Favorites but never send me an email.
Posted: 3/31/2012 6:10:36 PM
It does get a bit taxing to create personal messages that not only lets that person know that it was made for them, but starts a conversation that you can grow into something more. I mean unless you just happen to see a person with an interest that consumes your life and theirs its really hard to do this in a single sent message.

Just view the favorites as either an Icebreaker (aka send the person that has you as an invite a message) or accept the fact that they are taking their time to grow some courage and send you a message.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 269 (view)
 
Statements in profiles that make you say NEXT!
Posted: 3/8/2012 12:26:12 AM
To message 318

No, it is obvious, and it really doesn't need to be said. If a person can't handle you putting your child before his needs (lets be honest more like wants) then you can cross that bridge when you reach it, but really any guy that messages a mother on this site knows what they are getting into. Its why many guys avoid women with children on this site.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 15 (view)
 
sci-fi geeks?
Posted: 2/28/2012 6:07:47 PM
This shouldn't be to hard, but you also have to search for them more than hope that they will find you. By the nature of a being a geek they are usually anti social, even on the computer.
Also you are probably having problems due to trying to find those in your region, which may limit your possible matches quite a bit.

As for myself I like Farscape and Jules Verne.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 47 (view)
 
First few dates at someone's house
Posted: 2/23/2012 3:44:49 PM
I have contemplated this move many times.

And just to be clear, it is not out of being cheap, but due to the fact that: 1. I love to cook and show off my limited skills. 2. Unless were going to a specific type of food I am not very knowledgeable about I often find the food is a rip-off considering I can make as good as if not better than the food at the high priced restaurants (ok sure this is partially a price issue, but its more about the quality.)

But really coffee for first dates, as you rarely need the whole time to figure out if you like each other, and staying at a place means that you can end up with awkward situations due to one person being in control of the situation, where in a public setting you are both equals and can leave at anytime without being overtly rude.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 122 (view)
 
How many dates have you actually been on from POF?
Posted: 2/21/2012 7:32:50 PM
They don't work the same, in a large city the population is so dense that people have a harder time connecting to each other, where in a small city/town the local population has less of an issue meeting people due to the lack of so many people being crammed together.

So since they can't as easily meet they turn to dating sites to fill in for the over crowded (bars/dating areas) that big cities are known for. There is a reason why speed dating is becoming a thing in cities but not in the rural areas.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 118 (view)
 
How many dates have you actually been on from POF?
Posted: 2/21/2012 3:35:14 PM
I think this type of site is much better for those living in a large city, this would make sense considering that these type of sites are huge in Japan (due to the high density population within the main cities, and the almost barren rural areas.) So you might want to take that along with your total date counts vs others.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 66 (view)
 
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/19/2012 5:27:18 AM
This seems to be a universal problem, I have had a few conversations start off generally ok, but it feels like I am doing all of the work of having to keep the conversation motivated and interesting.

Icebreakers are easy, generating a conversation seems to be hard as it always feels like I am doing all of the work, But I could just becoming jaded about this site as the typical response for mine is "sure" "that's nice" "lets chat some time." and any messages afterword don't get replied to.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 116 (view)
 
How many dates have you actually been on from POF?
Posted: 2/16/2012 4:37:09 PM
To JS: Do Libraries still exists in California?

In response to the Op, I have had Zero dates from this site. Which at first I thought was due to a bad profile or bad messages, but now I feel like it is more of the area I live in.

Its true that there are not many areas to really try and get to know someone outside of a bar, which sucks for those of us that don't drink, or would rather not have a partner 1 step away from AA.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 62 (view)
 
Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/14/2012 6:36:41 PM
To be honest I think their is a bit of an issue of a lot of the women on this site being single mothers, which means they have less time to send out infinite amount of creative messages. The other issue is it seems like the very popular girls that get written to feel like they don't need to send any messages as they have more than their share of messages to deal with, without having to search and work for them.

The remainder of women are those that feel like they will get rejected if they try, after all if no one is sending them messages at all, then they will just get more rejection by trying.

But that is just my best guess.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 248 (view)
 
Statements in profiles that make you say NEXT!
Posted: 2/14/2012 6:22:49 PM
Lazy, unimaginative, and impossible to write to.
"whatever you wanna know just ask. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahh blah blah blah blah blah blah bla h blah blah blah blah blah blah bla h blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blavvvh blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah bla for now that's all i have to say."
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Make me one of your Favorites but never send me an email.
Posted: 2/3/2012 2:57:25 AM
Often times I will favorite a person while looking over people on my phone, but need a proper keyboard to write a thoughtful message, so its like a save feature.

My problem is that often I find once I am given time to write I can't find the words that don't sound generic so I just don't write.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Gettting no where with this site?
Posted: 12/9/2011 8:26:51 PM
Yea, I feel yea, I have had about 1/30 response rate.
I put the effort into making pretty well thought out messages, but atlas I seem to get very little responses. I am about to give up, at least for the time being, it just doesn't feel like it is in the cards for me. Even the few I have manage to start up a conversation with ended up going no where because of very delayed responses and eventually no responses.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Statements in profiles that make you say NEXT!
Posted: 12/7/2011 11:51:32 AM
A new one I just found, "My faith is VERY important to me, and I will not get involved with someone that doesn't share them."

First of all, its not like these people ever say what denomination they belong to. Secondly, if you really want to get involved with some one that shares your exact beliefs, you should n't be using the internet, and just go to your church and hit on the guys there.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Statements in profiles that make you say NEXT!
Posted: 12/3/2011 3:10:23 PM
Their are more than a few for me:

"I'm looking for a real man" Ah good to know that fake men need not apply... Also any version of this statement is also terrible.

Any weird disclaimers about your weight:
I am pretty sure any guy that sees your picture, unless you are avoiding posting pictures of your weight and put (prefer not to say) for your weight type is not going to question your weight. Also if you go on to talk about your weight for more than a few sentences it sort implies you have issues.

"I am looking for (insert stereotype that you are not here)": This gives off the notion that any one else regardless of attraction should just skip your profile and move on to the next one.

Misspelled words: if its one or two I usually let it go, but when its either blatant or really easy words it shows me that you are either: not intelligent, or lazy. Spell check is not hard.

"ask me to see my picture" This site, for better or worse, is very look dependent. And if your trying to keep your picture off the internet, well then all I can say is good luck.

Oh, and the interest area: "I like everything." being vague is a great way to get some one interested in you. Its even better when they say nothing about themselves and have 1 badly close up picture.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Hes Just Not That Into Me...
Posted: 2/28/2010 6:13:30 AM
Yea I'm gonna have to agree with the above posters.

I am not a mental Genius when it comes to the world of dating but even I can see flaws within these signs, as can the above posters.

Now if all of these issues are happening you should probably ask him about these things, he should have a reliable answer to any one of them, while some of these are just pure speculation, some might hold merit with combined with other signs you might have noticed already notice, but really don't jump to conclusions too fast.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Honesty Please.
Posted: 2/28/2010 5:10:08 AM
Yea the lighting in the bathroom is the best in my house, probably should get an outdoor one but mainly the bathroom has a big mirror to help see what the pic will look like though the camera.

Thxs for the info so far will take more pics and probably keep upgrading my profile.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Honesty Please.
Posted: 2/27/2010 6:07:27 AM
I know my profile probably comes off screaming "Geek" but other than that any thing I could do to improve upon it? I know I could use a few more photos but its kinda hard with just my cell to take pictures. Alright enough gabbing, Rate away!
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Northern California? Say Sacramento
Posted: 2/27/2010 4:00:41 AM
Chico has a lot of really really good food places, Tong Fong Low is probably one of the best Chinese food places I have ever been to, Italian Cottage for some good pasta also has great ambiance for a first date, the breakfast is also amazing their, or if your into scrambles for breakfst Sin of Cortez is also pretty good but its breakfast times are really packed so it would probably not be the best of ideas if your looking for a place to get to know each other.
 Roujin
Joined: 2/22/2010
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Why do some men seem to have a problem with women living with their parents or grandparents?
Posted: 2/27/2010 3:23:18 AM
To the OP:

This site really does judge by the basic standards, as do its members.
They don't match based on Interest and a lot of times it is left completely blank by users.
The Matching system is mostly based on once your already in a relationship would you be a decent match for each other.

Little things like: Do you own your own car might as well say "Do I have to drive you around to go on dates and are you wealthy enough to not be dependent on me?, what body type are you should read are you athletic or skinny because only those that prefer the other types which is probably under 10% of the population will want to get in contact with you, what Religion are you will probably read "Are you the same religion as I am?", are as superficial as they get.

Living with your parents is just another one of these questions.
 
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