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 Author Thread: Dateing is all about race
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/20/2019 9:46:39 AM
Trying being an older woman and trying to score a serious date without the man expecting some kind of financial benefit, from the relationship?

Nobody owes you or them a legitimate piece of ass. Nobody.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Help ASAP
Posted: 1/18/2019 6:57:02 AM
I find it interesting you pointed out the age range and that she is older , an age difference which is nil, given that both of you are in advanced age and only a handful of years apart. It shouldn't make a difference, either way, but you sharply pointed it out.

OTOH, I love the fact that she's 71 AND exploring her other options. I hope she enjoys her dating and sex life and considers the most suitable partner for herself if monogamy is something she's still interested in, at this stage. Go her!
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 1/4/2019 5:01:12 AM
Yes, it's a turn off, for me, regardless of the situation. OTOH, I am older than you, so I am thinking about this from my perspective and situations I have encountered. I've spoken to a number of men in the past older than me who are between homes of their parents/relatives or just moved out of an ex-girlfriend's home and looking for a new prospect: a few dates and then a complete move in. No, thanks. Some are taking care of ageing parents, and that I understand, but it's still a situation I don't want because they have very little time to commit to a full-time relationship.

That said...

You're waiting for "miss right" when, instead, you can move out, today, and live on your own and attract her as an independent man? How will your parents manage financially without you there - do you intend to keep up two, separate households, in two different residences? How will you finance that? Are you looking for somebody to pay half the bills or help shoulder the (financial) responsibility of your parents, so you can afford the "finer" things in life? Is Miss Right code for Sugar Momma (twenty years your senior)?
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Philospohy about responding to a Viewed Me.
Posted: 12/30/2018 3:39:22 PM
She was curious, but it doesn't signify interest, sometimes. However, after reading your profile, she might have genuine interest in you..why not send her a message (nothing too elaborate, but show interest). If she doesn't respond, oh well. If she does, best wishes!
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 38 (view)
 
What's Your DMV?
Posted: 12/30/2018 3:33:17 PM
How much is the going rate for 63-year-old, unattractive cheapskate?
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Would you date an older father of a young child?
Posted: 12/30/2018 3:26:07 PM

This is most understandable as it's generally accepted that having children past the age of 35 has higher risks to both baby and mother, but would you, and as perhaps a much younger woman w/ or w/o children of your own,


The research done shows that older men who sire children later in life also run the risk of their offspring having mental health and developmental issues. (And, no, this is not an attempt to marginalize children with developmental or mental health issues - but since you brought up the topic ten years ago and it's still a slanted thought, today, I thought I should point it out). Yes, men, too, have a "shelf life."

More women are having children after 40, as they have delayed motherhood to build a stable network of social supports, economic stability, steady careers, independent housing, and emotional stability. And, yes, she'll be around to raise her progeny, because she is active, emotionally and physically healthy, and has a robust life full of extensive family, friendships, and networks. The loneliness of being older with children will dissolve over time when they connect with other older women in their situation.

When they delayed motherhood, chances are they avoided much older men with young children (like you) who tried to convince them life would be wonderful with him in it, that he was healthy and virile, and while that might be true, she built her own life without relying on a surrogate father for a relationship and becoming pregnant with an old man's baby and becoming his nurse ten years down the road. She dodged a bullet and the old man is still trying to convince the world he has the body and mind of a 35-year-old, at 55. LOL.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Anybody here use a dental dam?
Posted: 12/24/2018 2:22:24 AM
Well, if you met a Tinder weirdo and want to do anilingus for funsies and don't want the responsibility of an STD like HPV, a dental dam is an effective tool for this purpose.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 10 (view)
 
You're replaceable.
Posted: 12/24/2018 2:15:59 AM
Keep in mind that you're always replaceable, in this cold world of casual dating; there is always somebody who is better, smarter, and more attractive than you.

You decide if this charade is really worth it.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Is this girl testing my nerves ?? Please advice !
Posted: 12/22/2018 4:31:08 AM
If she said she'd get back to you, it means she's in control of whether or not she wants to respond to you. because of your petulance and impatience, she may decided that you're creep and now has to use excuses to avoid you in case you actually lost your nerve and do something nuts. Just leave her the hell alone, for crying out loud.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Dames are all alike
Posted: 12/22/2018 4:27:39 AM
^^Right, because nothing should ever change, for the better. FFS.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Reconnect w/ a date from many, many years ago
Posted: 12/19/2018 4:35:27 AM
Some people and the experiences with them are better left to the past, but that's me.

OTOH, others have reunited with past dates, former loves who were separated by unfortunate circumstances, and formerly married pairs and have been successful. (One example of a notable person, Marie Osmond, comes to mind.)

Another possibility is that they might cross paths with a person from the past and connect with them, only to reaffirm that they belong in the past.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Being on the Autism Spectrum
Posted: 12/19/2018 4:26:11 AM
I think you need to work on yourself, firstly, before dating anybody else. When I checked, PA has mental health service for people with disabilities. I'm unsure why they have cut you off, especially you indicated that you have a dual-diagnosis. I suggest you fight for that and get back into therapy.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 302 (view)
 
A REAL RELATIONSHIP IS 365 DAYS A YEAR
Posted: 12/17/2018 5:55:48 AM
They change their minds when their dikc compass gets wind of a fresh piece ass in another direction. The Halloweenies will bookmark their targets with the hope that their victims remember them and pick up where they left off. The thing for people to do is to block them when they disappear and remove them from rented space in their minds they are not paying for.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Younger Men Older Women - IMPOSSIBLE at POF
Posted: 12/17/2018 5:50:36 AM

POF got tired of younger men complaining about older women...


Nah. The implementation of the rule was based on the old codgers hitting on younger woman half or a third of their age. (Grampies chasing 18-years-old women for dates, you know?)
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 4 (view)
 
blocked
Posted: 12/16/2018 1:49:11 PM
If they blocked you, that's it.

You might need a profile review, though.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 369 (view)
 
HAWKING was wrong about the non-existence of God.
Posted: 12/16/2018 9:36:57 AM

God exist for those whom want or need.


No, thanks, I don't want any part in a flat earth full of religious manipulation, a 950-year-old man who saved dinosaurs from a flood, a vengeful, hateful god, a book of fables, pied pipers of the faith, and an alleged soothsayer that married a prepubescent child.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 11 (view)
 
How do you meet someone nice and genuine?
Posted: 12/16/2018 3:50:04 AM
Interesting, because I see the status now as Single.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 12 (view)
 
What responsibilities should teens have and expected to do.
Posted: 12/16/2018 3:44:38 AM
That's bullshit. Your daughter isn't your maid and helpmate to you. For her to develop properly, she needs time to grow into herself and be with kids her own age, to develop good social skills, so when she's an adult, she won't feel like she has to fix everybody else's problems or completely sacrifice herself for some ungrateful **stard of a spouse. if it is too hard, hire somebody to come to your home two days a week to give your home a solid cleaning and have a reasonable schedule in which trash is taken out and the dishes are taken out of the dishwasher and packed away in the hutch.

My niece's and nephew's responsibilities are to pay attention to their school work and pick up after themselves. They are not anybody's slaves and they have enough going on between their work (related to their studies) and school without anybody leveraging heavily restricted privileges for excessive chores that somebody else can do to alleviate that burden. Teaching responsibility is one thing; but to pile shit on and not give a developing young woman some breathing room is a recipe for disaster.

Whatever you did as a child is what you did. If your generation in adulthood didn't vote against young people's best interests and **** it up, they could afford to live on their own. And, if parents are giving shit away for free, that's on them, but that doesn't mean young people aren't working their asses off just to get ahead.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 297 (view)
 
Older men's expectations; they're fappin' for trollz
Posted: 12/16/2018 3:25:33 AM
They're trollin' for faps. Don't even bother to engage them.

If a man is interested in you, he'll travel to you with a plan to treat you to lunch or dinner, without expecting a tour of the city and a couch-surf bed.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Jesus ~ in laymans terms
Posted: 12/16/2018 2:58:12 AM
Nobody has yet to prove that Jesus or any other figure existed...and as described. Speaking from a layman's perspective or strictly biblical doesn't convince me.

People (including Atheists) do embody some of these traits without attributing them to some questionable higher power being. Some people have them naturally or they develop them (but it's entirely their own work and inclination that are responsible for it).




 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Ladies: please review my Profile
Posted: 12/12/2018 3:17:25 AM
You're more than average in appearance, but your photos are few and most are indistinguishable. Your profile is rather generic and short, so it might help you to expound on your interests a bit and who you're looking for and for what.

Nobody needs to show you anything. YouTube, online libraries, and other internet resources can give you tips, that are helpful and then get involved with something local or travel a little bit within a club or meet-up. You might meet somebody within one of those groups, as well.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Profile Review
Posted: 12/12/2018 3:07:27 AM
"Younger than 45." You're 42 and not exactly young yourself.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 4 (view)
 
delete my account
Posted: 12/12/2018 2:56:37 AM
Are you taking the overweight ladies into consideration? Most likely, no.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Plenty of Pervs
Posted: 12/12/2018 2:53:45 AM

Nothing funny about the truth.


And here I thought that Jordan Peterson fans appealed to 25-year-old incels, without any direction.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Plenty of Pervs
Posted: 12/12/2018 2:51:40 AM

Unfortunately, Chivalry and good old fashion behavior seems to be frowned upon...


No, I welcome it. I have expressed as much, in the forums, and it hasn't resonated well with some posters.

The media and music industries aren't responsible for this; people are. If somebody wants to be chased by a bully, to be bullied, then it speaks more about their character than it does about the establishments that may or may not endorse it. People allow this.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Ladies. how many messages do you receive?
Posted: 12/12/2018 2:39:18 AM
I find that when some men moan about not getting the messages they think they should, they often forget to include the messages from people they don't desire from their presentation.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 5 (view)
 
So many fake profiles hard to believe anyone
Posted: 12/12/2018 2:33:47 AM
I don't think people enjoy being emotionally manipulated by somebody who claims they're the last person to want a loving commitment. You're not the last and you're certainly not the only person who wants that, in their lives; a self-respecting person will want to be on a even footing in a relationship with you, knowing that what they bring to the table, in a relationship, won't be overwhelmed by your frustration of not being important is somebody's life. You open yourself to a whole world of hurt and disappointment when you indulge in self-destructive behavior.

People with dubious intentions are going to approach you, because that's just what happens, these days. If you're serious about changing your approach, on here, you should go to Profile Reviews and get your profile in order.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/8/2018 7:43:34 AM
If you expected her to change completely to appease you, then you're going to be disappointed - every time, with every woman. You really need to live up to your chronological age and grow up.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/8/2018 6:30:18 AM
No means no. Consent and ongoing consent mean everything. If he doesn't want, I don't cross that line.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 23 (view)
 
What are things you see in dating profiles that will make you sadly skip past them?
Posted: 12/8/2018 4:16:11 AM
Things like "I could care less whether you have a degree in applied nuclear physics, a GED or dropped out in the 8th grade."
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Do you feel you have run out of fish in your area?
Posted: 12/8/2018 4:10:45 AM


I pretty much only filter out women with kids(at home), obese and lives more than 15-20 miles(don't do long distance).


You've pretty much f*cked yourself, and not in a good way.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 8 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 11/26/2018 5:12:33 AM
Your age restrictions/preferences and your lack of real relationship experience are holding you back.

You are in your forties and you will NOT be number one catch for a 23-year-old woman. Be realistic.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Looking to date thin petite cute sweet women in Kamloops
Posted: 11/24/2018 11:26:37 AM
You're 68-years-old. You are ageing (like we all do, at some point) and not "forever young."

If you have a large bank account and are more than walking pulse with a little bit of humor, you should be able to buy one online.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Photos of ladies
Posted: 11/24/2018 11:23:25 AM
People get a little annoyed when they see photos on profiles with children and grandchildren.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 10 (view)
 
What is the latest name-calling Buzz Word you have heard?
Posted: 11/24/2018 11:20:41 AM
Actually, malignant narcissism is a thing to appropriately describe somebody of the extreme end. It describes DJT's issue, to a "T."
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 81 (view)
 
DEMOCRATS TAKE THE HOUSE. THE END OF TRUMP?
Posted: 11/10/2018 3:28:36 AM

DEMOCRATS TAKE THE HOUSE. THE END OF TRUMP?


YES.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Borderline Personality Disoder
Posted: 11/5/2018 6:11:03 AM
People with personality disorders have trouble in self-care and may not see that they deserve to treat themselves well. If you're in therapy and DBT, I don't see why you can't be in a healthy, loving, mutually loving relationship who is also committed to their self-care.

I wish you well.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Does she weigh to much?
Posted: 11/5/2018 6:03:53 AM

When we first met and would go out she would ask me why so many women are out of shape.


LOL, a pressing world issue.


she believes in maintaining good health.


People do drop dead "healthy."
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 512 (view)
 
Love,Quality of life and who pays
Posted: 11/4/2018 12:24:30 PM
A coffee meet isn't a date, mini or otherwise. A date is an investment with time, not just money. The argument about that will never die so long as high-maintenance people demand low-maintenance relationships, because they're too cheap to relate to anybody.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Going from a high to a low maintenence partner.
Posted: 11/3/2018 3:39:13 AM

So basically, you are going from a giver and taker relationship, into a giver/giver
relationship.



Has anyone else dealt with this, and how do you best handle this kind of change, in order for the relationship dynamics to work well for both? If a guy has always been with needy princess types, could he be comfortable with a more nurturing giving type of person?


You don't maintenance a partner; you connect with them.

If getting out of contributing toward dates by inappropriately labeling people as "high maintenance" is a prospective date's method of relating before anything has happened, then he shouldn't be dated. There's a lot of that on POF. Some want the "low-maintenance women" but are the biggest complainers, protesters, and whiners when they can't sustain the relationships or secure the dates with women who have their own limits. (People want to have it all -- effortlessly.)

If you don't have a standard that involves your self-respect, expect to be treated as "low-hanging fruit."
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Unfriended, then re-friended woman who rejected me. What did this tell her?
Posted: 11/3/2018 3:08:26 AM
Facebook is puerile way to show off to the ex (or ex'es) for meaningless nothingness to prove how wonderfully the solipsistic twatnose has come along, like that matters.

It's just a show and it should be treated as "entertainment purposes only," strictly.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Desperately need advice on how to reconnect with adult son! (Long post)
Posted: 10/30/2018 4:11:17 AM
Their comes a time in your children's lives when you have to become the supportive parent rather than the smothering/doting parent. You're still their father and you will have that concern for them. I think you can get tips from your therapist on how to deal with your feelings and how to behaviorally approach your adult children so you don't alienate any attempt they might be making in developing a relationship with you.

Your ex-wife may be to blame for outcome of your children and it seems to have been a disservice to them thus aren't coping well in adulthood, but you need to let her go and start focusing on you approach these problems and working on your relationship with your adult children.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Western men seeking love abroad
Posted: 10/29/2018 6:19:34 AM

The western world is so materialistic , nasty and so judgemental ..


Yet, they want to exercise their full repertoire of judgment, materialism, and nastiness when they quest to get that perfect Barbie doll they never seem to find ! "No local fat chic, please."

I wish these men were honest with themselves. What they want is a sex trophy and a maid who isn't going to question their cheapness even after they've fully trafficked the women of their dreams in the US (I'm speaking about US as I live here) with lies and pending poverty.


If it all works out for these guys great. If not so be it . There willing to take a chance.
I don't think they have that much to loose that couldn't happen in there home country..


They could lose their wallets, their marriages and kids that might come from the relationships.

Unfortunately, the women in these "mail-order" arrangements also find themselves on the street when the old man's hunger is satiated and are easily sex-trafficked (again) by other men (with a whole host of other circumstances). This has happened to many Ukrainian women, trafficked trans-nationally, under the guise or marriage and stability or when the men get tired of them and turn them out on the street.

Value systems between two people do clash and when you're dealing with somebody who wants a better life, they will treat the relationship as a business transaction, penny for penny. The man who wants to satiate his exoticism meets the woman who wants material security who doesn't give a shit about his craving other than to use it for opportunity. The BS does and can work both ways.


As it seems a hard enough job to find love in your own country.


People want it all without working for it.

I'm not saying this is the case for others who want to satisfy their curiosity about other people from other cultures and actually find somebody they love in the process of learning about them. It has worked out well for people ... but not for others, it has cost them their lives.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Qualities men look for in a woman?
Posted: 10/29/2018 5:42:28 AM
When a guy wants low maintenance: "Don't expect anything from me. I won't reciprocate." Yet, he wants to reap all of the benefits in a relationship. If she's strongly independent, why the hell would she want a high-maintenance man?

What the heck kind of a lop-sided relationship is that? LOL.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Using different names?
Posted: 10/29/2018 5:38:54 AM

How is blocking someone simply by virtue of his political affiliation any different than blocking someone because of the color of his skin, or his religion?


It isn't. In the world of intimate relationship, this is appropriate. Consent is important in a relationship and nobody should be forced to bed/date somebody they don't want in their lives.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Using different names?
Posted: 10/29/2018 5:36:01 AM


One interesting note, I have found several women from here over on the more adult oriented sites. Quite illuminating seeing the difference in the profiles. I asked one woman (a former regular here in these very forums) about that. Her reply, “POF is for finding Mr. Right. AM is for finding Mr. Right Now.”


POF is a place to find a cheapskate who whines about paying for a cup of coffee, brings his own in a cup to a Dunkin Donuts -- sexy.


She went on to tell me that when she dated married men she could have younger, better looking men who were not cheap.


She's right: younger, better looking men aren't cheap. They are also great with expressing themselves and their emotions and are very nurturing and encouraging.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 19 (view)
 
What's An Intellectual
Posted: 10/29/2018 5:31:38 AM

I fancy that Donald Trump is on my side.


Daddy issues.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 54 (view)
 
migrant caravan
Posted: 10/29/2018 5:30:53 AM

From what I've heard many of these folks are simply seeking refuge from repressive conditions in their countries of origin..


"Will trade racists for refugees."


I hope, that when this happens the proper screening process is applied to all. Equally.... And, that no children are separated from their parents. And, that all of these PEOPLE are treated fairly, and humanely.


You're a breath of fresh air. Thank you.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Time wasters
Posted: 10/29/2018 5:27:43 AM
Stop chatting with them. If there isn't any discussion about a meeting within the first couple of days of chatting and no so much as an exchange of phone numbers to communicate, stop wasting your time.
 flowersinthelake
Joined: 5/11/2018
Msg: 74 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 10/29/2018 4:41:27 AM

Basically, what it means is this:
when things are going real good, a couple will be much happier than a single person can be.
But when things are going real bad, a couple will be much more miserable than a single person will be.


No, what it means that my space is my own and I'm not reliant upon anybody to make me personally happy or to pay my mortgage. I'm independent of any relationship I have. Nobody gets to move in and live as a squatter, on my dime.
 
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