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 Author Thread: How many partners is too much?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 117 (view)
 
How many partners is too much?
Posted: 10/20/2018 10:27:15 AM

CBGB77
I didn't even know that MGTOW was "a thing" until I joined this forum,lol

Neither did I. And now that I do know, I wish I didn’t.

Go away, hide in your (man) cave, leave the rest of us alone, we are NOT interested.


arwen52
I'd prefer someone with experience. On the other hand, I had one partner who was inexperienced but a very fast learner. He was awesome! But then again, he had the advantage of *my* experience.

And yes, I've had quite a bit of it.

Is that right? Would you care to share your stories? Inquiring minds want to know!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Sex
Posted: 10/18/2018 4:02:35 PM
You're generalizing. Overgeneralizing. Badly. Let me fix that for you.




Because some women like a gentleman and don't want to talk about sex until they are falling in love with a guy.


There, isn't that better? You can thank me later.

messages this short may not be posted
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 163 (view)
 
Would you date someone still living with their Ex?
Posted: 10/16/2018 5:12:28 PM

siisaa


Well, maybe. And maybe not. I wouldn’t want to venture an opinion on that without at least seeing a picture.

Just because they're hot doesn't mean they should be given a pass on questionable behavior. That kind of thinking has gotten a lot people in trouble. I'd expect that more from some young, dumb, full of cum knuckleheads - not people who should know better.

Yeah, but once you reach the point where you always “know better”, you tend to cease having any fun.

I would rather take an occasional set of lumps and have some fun along the way.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 160 (view)
 
Would you date someone still living with their Ex?
Posted: 10/15/2018 5:04:51 PM

cooldog65
I wouldn't waste my time on her. You can do better.

Well, maybe. And maybe not. I wouldn’t want to venture an opinion on that without at least seeing a picture.

I had to do my annual harassment training at work today. You can tell by how much more sensitive I am now, right? (smile)

And if anyone needs more harassment in their life, I am now fully up to speed and qualified on all forms of harassment. Just ask, and I can deliver!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 150 (view)
 
Would you date someone still living with their Ex?
Posted: 10/14/2018 5:48:53 PM

Endless_Summer_Nights
I met someone at a party this weekend. We talked for hours then exchanged numbers and kissed at the end of the night. She's fun so I think we'll at least hang out a little. During our conversation she told me she lives with her ex (I thought of this thread when I heard that). She said it's financially convenient and works well with the kids. They sleep in the same bed and have had sex once in awhile. I believe they've been separated for a couple of years. I woke up this morning thinking it figures, I find someone who I connect with and she has a situation like this.

We need some clarification here, a little better explanation of the meaning of the terms you're using.

You use the term "ex" -- ex-husband, as in they used to be married but are now divorced? Or ex-boyfriend, as in long-term, live together, have kids together kind of boyfriend?

"separated for a couple of years" -- separated in what context? As in they are married, but legally separated? Some states don't even recognize "legal separation" of a married couple, others do. In most states, you can file a legal notice in the paper that you will no longer be responsible for their debts, but that is not the same as a "legal separation", which usually involves paying "maintenance". Which I think only happens in states with alimony, as opposed to community property states.

Main thing is, YOU need to know, clearly, what her status is and what your legal liability might be. If you wind up being subpoenaed to testify in a divorce or child custody trial, you will NOT enjoy the experience.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Is he being sincere?
Posted: 10/14/2018 2:16:08 PM
An interesting thread, from 4.5 years ago. Including posts by some long gone posters whom I used to follow closely, Igor, Inner Gorilla, Belle, No 1 bby. Wish they were still around.

Some quite interesting back and forth about touching on a first date. Definitely an interesting topic, and one that people interested in dating should pay close attention to. One of the things I like about dancing, you slow dance with a woman and you’re going to learn a lot about her and her reactions to men in general, you in particular, and the whole subject of touching and intimacy.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Heavy petting in semi-public places, LOL
Posted: 10/14/2018 2:09:18 PM
Interesting topic, and some good stories already.

Back about 5 years ago, I met a woman through one of the more shall we say “adventurous” sites. She was already in a relationship, a bit “submissive” on her part. He wanted her to get it on with other men, in public places, record it, and show him the video. We were sitting in the front seat of her truck, in a public parking lot, bright daylight, many people walking by. Her cell phone was propped up on the dash, recording everything. I was trying to walk a fine line between having the most fun possible while not being arrested. A very interesting afternoon, to say the least.

On another occasion, I met a woman (initial meeting) from Ok*Cupid. We met on a weekday evening at a little French bistro. She was rather attractive, around my age, highly educated, a great conversationalist. After the meal, she shifts topics, tells me she never has sex on the first date, but we can “fool around” if I want. Anything short of intercourse. Naturally, I’m all in, and ask the great universal question, “My place or yours?” But no, that’s not how she plays the game. We can make out, fool around, but only in my car, in the parking lot right there.

By this time, it is around 10 p.m., on a weeknight, and the parking lot is clearing out. So I move my truck to the back of the parking lot, where it is quite dark, and we proceed to play games for a good 2 hours or so. I had just purchased, maybe a month before, a brand new Silverado crew cab, a very nice truck, very well equipped. Cloth seats, though, not leather. The next day I realize that the front seat of my brand new $35k truck smells like … Well, you get the picture.

So I take the truck over to a car detailing operation not far from where I work. I tell the young man in charge, “I have a problem, I need to show you.” I walk him over to the truck, open the door, and say “Smell that”. He sticks his head in the truck, takes a deep whiff, gets an incredulous look on his face, and then cracks up laughing. After he gets over his bout of laughing, he says, “Not to worry. We have a steam cleaner for just such occurrences!”
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 106 (view)
 
Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/13/2018 5:25:31 PM
Maybe it’s just me, but I believe there is a big difference between accusing someone of lying and “calling BS”. Kinda sorta in the same direction, yes, but a different order of magnitude, if you get my drift.

Whiterose (whom I usually agree with) first used the word “lying”, and then siisaa followed by MsMicki. Although to be fair, MsMicki did say “implication that we are lying”. I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree on this one.


2ufo
I'm not crazy about Brad Pitt - not even in his early years but give me a young Harrison Ford, Daniel Day-Lewis, or Donald Sutherland and I'm on board. Heck, those three have actually aged pretty well.

A lot of women seemed to think Sean Connery had aged extremely well. That is, until he made the comment that women needed to be smacked around occasionally. Talk about someone losing his sex appeal in a hurry! (smile)


As for hottest women ever on screen -- yeah, either Barbarella or Raquel Welch in One Million Years B.C.

Raquel Welch never really did it for me. Not that she wasn’t beautiful, sexy, and very desirable, she just never really got close to the top of my list. Now you take Michelle Pfeiffer in Hollywood Knights, not only did I lust for her, but at the exact same time I wanted to cherish her and protect her from all evil. Especially men like me. Talk about mixed feelings!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 98 (view)
 
Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/13/2018 9:54:22 AM
Interesting back and forth on this Brad Pitt thing. This seems to be one of those “men and women are different” things.

Men are not upset by someone saying “all men lust after Barbara Eden in ‘I Dream Of Jeanie’”. Even those few exceptions who didn’t think she was incredibly hot (do such men really exist???) are not upset or bothered by the statement. They might take minor exception, and say “Barbara Eden was okay, but the hottest woman ever on screen was Jane Fonda in Barbarella”. And even someone like CoolDog, who prefers a completely different type of woman, isn’t going to be bothered or get upset about it.

Women, on the other hand, seem to really hate it when someone says that “all women are hot for (insert name of movie star or public figure here)”. Yes, just another sign that men and women are indeed different. Who woulda thunk it?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 11 (view)
 
I'm not shocked when people ignore real profiles.
Posted: 10/13/2018 9:43:35 AM


I find that the majority of these complaints come from men who don't get the women they think they deserve. There is no lack of women; there is a variety of women, but most varieties are ignored by many women-seeking men who chase the Barbie equivalent to boost their morbidly obese egos.



This applies to both genders. How many women pursue guys they don't find physically attractive, or guys who don't have two nickels to rub together? There are a lot of women who do just as much whining, about not being chased by Mr. Total Perfection.


Both posts contain a great deal of truth. This is something that is not limited to men, or to women. It seems to be a part of the human condition. I give you a quote from that great 19th century poet, Robert Browning:


Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, Or what's a heaven for?

For a less poetical, and more profane, treatise on this subject try reading a bit over on laddertheory.com. Yes, much profanity, yes, some misogyny, but still a great degree of truth. People (most people) do work, constantly and assiduously, trying to move up that ladder.

I myself freely admit that I pursue women who are above me on that ladder. I always have admitted that.

And I have remarked before, more than once, here in these forums and elsewhere – the best, the happiest relationships that I have personally observed, over the course of my life, are where both parties think they are with someone whom they don’t deserve, someone whom they were very very lucky to find and land.

In other words, someone higher on the ladder than themselves.

ON EDIT: A few words to the original poster. I see that you are 26 years old. Forget about online dating, in your demographic, men outnumber women 10 to 1 or even worse. Get out in the real world.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Bit Confused...
Posted: 10/12/2018 9:19:57 AM
I am not saying that all men think alike, or all women think alike. Theodore Reik did not say that, or anything close to it.

But there are differences between men and women (hopefully you have discovered this on your own). These are broad, general categories of thinking, of problem solving, of the way that we view the world. And if you study psychology, you are going to be exposed to a lot of this, just as a starting point, as background information BEFORE you start getting into individual differences.

If all men were alike, and all women were alike, then there would be no need for psychoanalysis. You could just write a program, a little AI, and cure everyone’s mental problems. But that isn’t how it works. First, you must understand the background. The generic background, what makes men different from women. Then you get into the “nurture” part, what effect did their background, their early life, their parents have on them.

It is a tremendously complicated subject, and one I find fascinating. But one of the basic building blocks of our understanding of humans is the basic difference between the male and female psyche.



Do you really believe that people today think like people did from 1888 to 1969?

About some things, no. About most things, about the things that matter most, yes, they do think and act in a very similar manner.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 76 (view)
 
Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/12/2018 9:07:12 AM

norwegianguy456
To be fair here, and this is serious: Almost every time I'd say "Now, if a guy looked like Brad Pitt" or "We're not talking about Brad Pitt here, but..." -- I'd get interrupted with "Oh, I don't think he's that good looking." First, this isn't a non-Anglo country thing. Second, I call BS on it, too. If Brad Pitt (we're talking in early to mid 00s mind you) walked into the bar, they are Not going to be saying "No, sorry. NEXT!" It'd be in the opposite direction, even if other movie stars would get their juices flowing faster. It always seemed to be this "cool" thing to "not like Brad Pitt", because he was always used in an example when he hit his young stardom fame.


MsMicki
I just frikken love it when someone else thinks they know my mind better than I do!!
I have always stated I didn't find Brad Pitt that attractive....simply, he is not my type.
Doesn't matter "who" he is....(I've also never been a celebrity crusher)...he doesn't tickle my fancy.
How dare you...or anyone else....tell me it is BS....or I am just trying to do this "cool" thing.
You really do have an overblown image of your own opinions...hate to tell ya....but you really don't know everything that you think you do!!

Easy there, MsMicki! I do believe you are overreacting a bit. First up, he (ng456) was not talking to you, or about you, his words were part of an exchange with adventurejoe. Secondly, he was making a very broad, very general statement, which was not intended to be taken as criticism of any one person. And most definitely not you.

I do believe that what ng said is basically correct, and will apply to the majority of cases. But that does not mean every case, and I’m sure he wasn’t intending any reference to you or any other particular person.

What we need here is more cake (or more drinks). If cake can’t fix it, alcohol definitely can!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Bit Confused...
Posted: 10/11/2018 10:18:55 PM

ohenryx
Every worthwhile thought or opinion in that book was stolen directly from "The Need To Be Loved", Theodore Reik, 1963.

It is a good read, and worth your time.


moraima
If you believe that all men are the same, and all women are the same.

Nonsense. People are different. Men are different and women are different.

Try understanding different types of people, and not thing along gender lines only.

I hate to sound critical, but you are revealing, quite clearly, that you do not know what you are talking about. Do a search on Theodore Reik, he was a very serious guy, a student of Freud, and one of the pioneers of psychoanalysis. Among educated people, he needs no defense.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Bit Confused...
Posted: 10/11/2018 5:09:32 PM

hemingway234
One of the most famous relationship books of all time addresses this issue and why men and women argue differently. It's called Men Are From Mars Women are From Venus.


Every worthwhile thought or opinion in that book was stolen directly from "The Need To Be Loved", Theodore Reik, 1963. Bypass the imitator, go directly to the original source. It is a good read, and worth your time.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 442 (view)
 
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 10/10/2018 6:06:52 PM

MeramecRiverRat
I see no reason to respect the "struggle" of a woman not being able to get a credit card in 1969. She was 100% safe from being drafted and killed in Vietnam.

Now this is the kind of crazy nonsense you get from far right radicals. The people who listen to InfoWars (and believe what they hear).

Item 1, as previously stated, that remark does NOT belong in this conversation. Period. At all.

Item 2, the person who brought it up wasn’t born until 1970, he was not even alive in 1969. If you weren’t there, if you didn’t live through it, you probably shouldn’t be making crazy statements about it.

I was there. I was in college, student deferment, and received a number in the lottery. 129. Not the kind of thing you ever forget. Ever. And I did later live through a year of 1A eligibility, and barely escaped being drafted. But that has absolutely nothing to do with women and credit and anything else being discussed here.

These are the kind of tactics used by the far right. If you don’t like the conversation, say or do something totally crazy and distract people.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Does she weigh to much?
Posted: 10/9/2018 4:38:53 PM
This topic has been talked to death here in the forums. The sum of all of the wisdom contained in all of the different threads comes down to this:

Put up good pictures, full length pictures, showing the real you. Let your potential matches see exactly what they will be getting if they message you, meet you, date you, etc.

Ignore those who don't like what you bring to the table, concentrate on those who like YOU.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Questions regarding space
Posted: 10/9/2018 4:31:02 PM
Apparently the younger generation, or at least some of them, are into totally weird questions to start conversations on dating sites.
https://swipelife.tinder.com/post/we-messaged-guys-on-tinder-using-exclusively-parks-and-rec-quotes-and-documented-the-results?utm_source=email&utm_campaign=Oct-09



I Messaged Guys On Tinder Using Exclusively ‘Parks And Rec’ Quotes And Documented The Results

I chose two very different quotes from the waffle-loving leading lady Leslie Knope and experimented by starting brand new conversations with 38 matches. Some were given their first taste of me via the cynical existential truth: “Everything hurts and I’m dying.” This is a pretty general statement and isn’t far off from my real at-times nihilistic attitude. Others were presented with the far more flattering but over-the-top (Leslie to Ann) compliment, “You are a beautiful, talented, brilliant, powerful musk ox.” It’s a bit, well, strange and far more specific.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Line is getting blurry between friends and dating
Posted: 10/9/2018 4:26:06 PM

PennyAnte
If she is your friend and a caring woman she will understand why you asked and give you an honest answer. Be prepared for a rejection and if that happens tell her that you will always love her as a friend and that you will try to not think about her that way anymore.

An amazingly non-realistic statement from a woman who normally gives good advice.

If thinking about a particular woman gives a man a hard-on, having her reject his advances is not going to change that. About the only thing I can imagine that might change that would be if he were to find out that she routinely tortures small animals and children. Maybe.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 66 (view)
 
Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/9/2018 4:06:42 PM
This particular topic of conversation started with AdventureJoe talking about how many hot women there are in NYC. And then we were talking about paying outrageous amounts of rent, in order to be in the big city where there were a lot of available, hot women. I was just making the point that LA has a really really large number of very attractive women. My point in particular, about the baggage handler, was directly related. In Houston, a woman that attractive could get a job as a receptionist in a big firm, sit around, look good, do her nails, and make beaucoup money. Now if it were only the one, then you could speculate that it was a woman who preferred working outdoors. But I saw the same thing all over LA. Beautiful young women go west to try to become the next big thing in Hollywood. And wind up working in a coffee shop.

Here in Houston, there are plenty of attractive young women. But you are not going to find a 10 working in an IHOP. In LA, rather common.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Bit Confused...
Posted: 10/8/2018 8:59:50 PM

norwegianguy456
Of course, if you're shot down -- being cool & smooth about it isn't going to undo it at all. Which is probably why you'll find some guys express the hurt, anguish, frustration, or whatever emotions they're feeling at the time (ya already lost).

Expressing the “hurt, anguish, frustration” may be good for you emotionally, at least psychologists seem to think it’s better to let it out than hold it in. But if you get in the habit of “letting it out” because you have “already lost so it doesn’t matter”, then people are going to be seeing a side of you that is not considered to be conventionally masculine. We are supposed to, as men, not show the pain. If you get hit by a fastball, you are supposed to walk it off, not show the pain. And then there’s “Never let them see you cry”.

Contradictory signals here. I still go with what I learned when I was a young man, in my teens. I do believe that we are never too old to learn, but in this case, I haven’t seen any real reason to change what has always worked.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 141 (view)
 
Would you date someone still living with their Ex?
Posted: 10/8/2018 8:48:12 PM

spot4username
I had plenty of offers. Offers for dates, sex, and even marriage. None of those things were a priority. My sons were the only thing that was important.


norwegianguy456
To be fair though, that's not at all what one should expect lasting 7+ years of a gal. And as a side note, if you didn't go out on 1 date, then you couldn't really take a marriage proposal any more seriously than Monopoly money. :)

I have known spot4username for several years, here in these forums, and if she says it, I tend to believe it. But I will agree with ng456, a marriage proposal without a single date is a very iffy thing. But … I have seen it happen. I have seen not only a serious marriage proposal, but people who actually married, without ever going on a date. Like the Beatles song, life is indeed a “long and twisted road”, and some weird shit happens along the way.


spot4username
For what it is worth I know of at least a half a dozen women in my social circle who were the same as me. We put any sort of relationships on the back burner while our children were young and needed us.


norwegianguy456
First, I would bet the farm that a half-dozen women who were in the same boat as you and claimed they were celibate for 7+ years, weren't All telling the truth.

True that. For any woman at random who made such a statement, I would put the odds at 50/50. So for a group of 7, that would give us 3.5 who were, and 3.5 who weren’t. In this particular instance, my money is on spot4username.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 60 (view)
 
Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/8/2018 8:32:14 PM

norwegianguy456
To be fair here, and this is serious: Almost every time I'd say "Now, if a guy looked like Brad Pitt" or "We're not talking about Brad Pitt here, but..." -- I'd get interrupted with "Oh, I don't think he's that good looking." First, this isn't a non-Anglo country thing. Second, I call BS on it, too. If Brad Pitt (we're talking in early to mid 00s mind you) walked into the bar, they are Not going to be saying "No, sorry. NEXT!" It'd be in the opposite direction, even if other movie stars would get their juices flowing faster. It always seemed to be this "cool" thing to "not like Brad Pitt", because he was always used in an example when he hit his young stardom fame.

I agree with you, 100%, on this one. We have all seen that, right here in these forums, and elsewhere. Women seem to think it’s cool to not like Brad Pitt, for whatever reason. Flip the coin, all men everywhere want to do Michelle Pfeiffer.


Mark Ronson & Bruno Mars
This hit, that ice cold
Michelle Pfeiffer, that white gold



Well, one wouldn't need to move to a place where it's $3k a month to rent a meager studio apt, to find plenty of attractive women. :)

I’ve never been to NYC, but I have been to Los Angeles, any number of times. I’ll never forget the first time I flew into John Wayne International, down in Orange County. After we landed, and taxied to a stop, I was watching out the window waiting for word to disembark. The luggage train comes rolling up to unload our luggage (this was back about 1992, and people still checked baggage in those days). The driver of the luggage train was an incredibly beautiful young woman, maybe 24 or so, with blonde hair 2/3 of the way down her back. Absolutely incredibly drop dead gorgeous.

I remember VolcanoKing saying that an ordinary woman could not get noticed, never mind get a date, in Los Angeles. And I would have to say that is probably true.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Older gentleman with kids
Posted: 10/7/2018 1:22:31 PM

BlackLady1953
Maybe we couldn't go out dancing together, but there's always "cuddle time."

A very good point, except …

Before you get to “cuddle time”, you are going to have to build a relationship. You have to take her out on dates, real dates, dinner, a movie (in the theater, not at home), dancing, etc, etc. There have been countless threads, right here in these forums, deploring men who want the first date to be at their house (or her house, same difference). And if she is too busy, or too tired, to go out on real dates, then how exactly are you going to build that relationship, so you can get to the “cuddling”???
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Is it better to build comfort with multiple replies before getting their number?
Posted: 10/6/2018 5:10:09 PM
I had a strange one today. About 12:30 p.m. I get a notification that I have a message on Bumble. That's the phone app much like Tinder, only the woman has to message first. So I've got a "Hi, how are you?" from a reasonably attractive woman. I was out and about, doing some Saturday errands and shopping, so I didn't answer right away. Around 3:30 I get back home and go to answer, the message is gone. Missing. Not to be found. WTH???

So did she get miffed that I didn't answer in the first 30 seconds? Or did she just take a second look at my picture and go, "What the hell was I thinking sending a message to this fugly dude?" Or hell, she just might have gotten scared and deleted her profile. Like maybe she messaged several men, and one of them replied with "DTF?"

One of life's little mysteries, and I'm resigned to the fact that I will never know.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 12 (view)
 
whats with these POF singles mingle people
Posted: 10/6/2018 9:36:29 AM

PennyAnte
When I used to drink and go to clubs about 28 years ago back in the 80's I did not like to dance but I saw many women dancing together.
It was for attention and most often they are not only dancing with each other for fun but they are in competition with each other for said male attention.

Now that definitely happens. Anyone with any real life experience knows that. And yes, a woman showing off her dance moves is also showing off her attributes, and men do take notice. Which is okay, as long as you don’t drool on yourself (smile).

PennyAnte
It could possibly have something to do with them being gay. I didn't say all women dance with women because they are gay. The gay gals that I know would not dance with a man.. you know all that phallic hating never touch me with a ding a ling types. Man haters.

Most of the gay women that I know are not man haters. Yes, I know they exist, but I think the percentage is fairly small, at least in my experience. When I’m out dancing with Meetup groups, I do not encounter anything remotely like LBQTG. They just aren’t a part of that scene. Which is one reason I like to go down to the wild side of town every few months, and hang out with a totally different crowd. Remind myself that life is not just vanilla, there are more than 31 flavors, hell, there are an infinite number of “Shades of Grey”.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 224 (view)
 
Not looking for hookups anymore
Posted: 10/5/2018 4:38:24 PM

SiennaBear2
People who don't want hookups are better quality than those who do.

That is far too broad a statement. Using words that are nebulous at best.

What is “quality” to you? You are probably thinking that a “quality man” is one who will treat you nice, hold doors, be polite, pay for dates, wait for sex, etc, etc. The very next woman may think that a quality man is one who attended an Ivy League college and votes the straight Republican ticket. And the very next woman behind her may think that a quality man is the plumber who pays his child support on time.


2ufo
I think I'm going to disagree with this statement.
People who want hookups may be in a situation where a long-term relationship is not appropriate.
Maybe they do have hang ups or be emotionally unavailable.
Or it may simply be the wrong person or time.


A much better statement. And here’s another very good way to put it:

“I am not interested in men who want hookups.”

Do you see what I did there? No value judgements, no putting down people who disagree with you. Simply stating YOUR preferences, because that is all they are, YOUR preferences. Not some universal truth.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
 
whats with these POF singles mingle people
Posted: 10/4/2018 6:43:58 PM
Wait, wait, wait, you people are lost in space or something.

Women like to dance. As a general rule of thumb, women like dancing MUCH more than men. So at any given event where dancing is allowed or encouraged, the odds are there will be more women wanting to dance than men for them to dance with. Exception if you’re at a sausage fest, but what the hell are you doing there anyway? But I digress…

As a part time DJ, I can tell you, with great confidence, that women dance with other women because they want to dance and they feel empowered to do so without having to wait around for some man to ask them. It is not at all unusual for 5, 6, 7 or more women to get out on the floor together and show off their moves. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and it has nothing to do with the women being gay, or about “ how many men they can ignore/reject”.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/4/2018 6:33:02 PM

hemingway234
women start going downhill after age 19 - they tend to be less attractive. However, there are some attractive 40 year olds.

I hate to nit pick, but that just isn’t true. Not as a general rule. I have known many women who looked better at 21 than at 19, and many who looked better at 25 than at 21, and some who didn’t peak until late 20’s or even early 30’s.

And, the second half of your statement “There are some attractive 40 year olds”. True, and some very attractive 50 year old women, and even a few quite attractive women in their 60s. The underlying truth here is that the percentage of women that a man will find attractive gets smaller with advancing age. But there are some, and those are the ones who can still easily get dates.

I’m going to give you a for instance. Ann-Margret, born 1941, would have been 52 years old in 1993 when she starred in Grumpy Old Men. And she was HOT!

Jump forward 2 years to 1995, and Grumpier Old Men. Sophia Loren, born 1934, would have been 61 years old. And she was HOT!


adventurejoe70
Very few confident men will stay together with a gal where the sex was unfulfilling or just for looks. That is nonsense.

Seriously ,I don't know ANY adult men who will get into a relationship with any women just because she looks good. He might want to see her again as a Frack buddy though but a LTR isn't coming out of that without having feelings for her.

I had a few friends, better than average who ended up in relationship with women who were less of a "looker" than the male was. Why? because they "felt something" during sex and the sex was good and they treated the guys right.



+1, very true. Robert Heinlein said something, many years ago, along the lines of,


A woman who makes a man feel good about himself is always going to be beautiful in his eyes.

I’m sure that I’m getting the quote wrong, but that is the essence of it.


 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Why is finding a date a top priority?
Posted: 10/4/2018 6:08:13 PM
I love Betty White, always have. I also loved her in Hot In Cleveland. Which happened to also feature Valerie Bertinelli, a woman I have lusted after for many decades, going back to when she was jail bait.

What? Wait, I didn’t say that!

And also Jane Leeves, from Frasier. In my opinion, the single best sit com of all time. I have binge watched Frasier more times than I care to admit.

Could someone summarize message 21 for me? Life is too short to read that wall of words.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 79 (view)
 
How many partners is too much?
Posted: 10/4/2018 5:55:57 PM
I have always wondered about the women with truly valuable vaginas. The women who turn their sex into millions and millions of dollars. The various women who have married Donald Trump come to mind. They knew he would cheat, they didn’t marry him because they loved him and expected to live happily for ever after. They sold their sex, their attractiveness, and they received a VERY high price.

Back when the rumors first surfaced about Trump and the Golden Showers, someone made the comment that he would let Melania p___ on him just so he could see what a million dollar vagina looked like!

But in reality, I don’t think they have anything that special. Yes, very good looking, but nothing earth shattering. Just as the CEO’s who run the Fortune 500 companies, and receive millions in compensation every year. Many of the decisions are actually made by their executive assistant, who probably makes $150k per year. And if the executive assistant had to fill in for 12 months, do you really think anyone would notice a big difference? Probably not.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 10/3/2018 6:00:02 PM

adventurejoe70


Sex is almost a pre-requisite now of a relationship.

Well of course. A relationship without sex is friendship. I have friends!

+1


adventurejoe70
A great majority of women say they won't kiss or sleep with a guy on 1st date but reality is often those same women have done it or will do it if they like the guy.

Yep. Very true. It’s all about how attracted the woman is.


adventurejoe70
A common denominator of a man and women that don't have sex is that most likely they will not be in a relationship and are not in one.

Bingo, very well said. Succinct, and straight to the point.

NG456, looking at your post, msg 41, which I won’t bother to quote the whole thing – sometimes you just “ramble” too much. Contrast that with the post immediately below yours. I agree with what you were saying, but unjumble your words a little.

 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Leaving POF for eharmony
Posted: 10/3/2018 5:44:00 PM


If he's paying to be here then he should be able to talk to anyone willing to talk to him... I'm sure women here have filters if they don't want to be contacted by someone older... Some women would prefer older men, so what business is it of this site, who talks to who?? Jmo..

Item 1, very few people are paying to be here. This is a free site (for most of us, anyway).

Item 2, Markus Frind sold this site to the Match Group for $575 million. They would probably part with it for $650 or $700 million, so why don't you just pony up the bucks and then you can set the rules however you like?

Very few people here are in favor of that particular rule. Most flat don't care, as it doesn't affect them one way or the other, and among those who do care or notice, most are opposed. But Markus was famous for NOT giving a flying F* what any of the users thought. It was his site, and he did whatever he wanted with it. It's still rather amazing to me how successful he was, given that attitude.

It seems that Markus originally implemented the rule because it was hard to set age limits on the smart phone app. Everything is harder on a smartphone. Which is why Tinder and Bumble decide for you. You just sign up, write a few words (or no words) -- I do believe both Tinder and Bumble automatically add "no hookups" on every woman's profile (smile). And that's it, you're in business. And Markus wanted POF to be as easy on a smart phone as Tinder.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 185 (view)
 
Not looking for hookups anymore
Posted: 10/2/2018 6:02:31 PM

purplerider
He's new here. He doesn't know that you women slash- and turn. Yet.

PR, you need to back up and reconsider your position. You are on the wrong side of this argument. Completely.

And as far as the women “slashing and burning”, no one has criticized this ignoramus more harshly than I have, and the last time I checked I damn sure wasn’t a woman.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Date with someone your not into or go solo?
Posted: 10/2/2018 5:56:07 PM

hemingway234


This is one of those things that is very much NOT equilateral. Men really really like women who go both ways, whereas women tend to be very leary of bisexual men.

- that's not true...........tell me that when a woman cheats on you with another woman. Some guys have no clue.

As long as I get to watch, I am 100% onboard and a very happy camper!!!

{walks away muttering to self – “Talk about not having a f’ing clue”}
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 380 (view)
 
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 10/2/2018 4:34:36 PM

julystorm22
The truth of the matter is you need 2 out 3. You need 2 out of physically attractive, good job/money and good personality. It has nothing to do woth "Nice" so let's just say Mr. Guy.

Guys have trouble with understanding the above because they don't often hold good job/money as equally important to physical attractiveness and personality.

I would say that most guys do understand that. But I would go a little deeper. Money and or a good job isn’t going to make a woman love you. It may attract her, it may get her into your bed, but it won’t win her love and devotion.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 137 (view)
 
Would you date someone still living with their Ex?
Posted: 10/2/2018 12:21:55 AM
Very few people who have opportunities actually stay celibate for "x" years. In my experience, the only ones who do remain celibate over the long haul are those with zero opportunities.

There will always be an exception somewhere, but it's going to be very rare, at least in my experience. YMMV

This idea of dating while still living with the ex, but not telling the party that you're dating, strikes me as a bit of a cheat. The odds of anything developing from the date are near zero, and the person that you're dating doesn't have a clue that his odds are almost non-existent.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 64 (view)
 
How many partners is too much?
Posted: 10/1/2018 5:07:01 PM
I think you people are jumping to a lot of conclusions about facts not in evidence. You are taking your own preconceived notions and projecting them onto the rest of the world. And that is NOT how it works.


Tech30
yes they come online, get laid and multi date, then they eventually find one they actually like and no they dont want her to have been around like they themselves have been.

Disagree. Not true for me, nor for most of the men I know.


julystorm22
Guys really seem to have the power in this regard. They string multiple women along but the women are aware of this and have to accept it if they want a chance to hang out with a guy to get in the dating phase.

Once again, I disagree. Do I date multiple women? Yes, anytime I get the chance. Do women do the same? Yes, pretty much anytime they get the chance. Exceptions? Yes, of course, the world is made up of exceptions. But the more attractive the person, the greater the odds they are multi-dating (men and women).


Tech30
Is it fair? No but who cares? life isnt fair get over it .

That’s a very true statement, life isn’t fair, and the sooner you get over it, the better off you will be. But I do disagree with the “who cares” part. I care, I expect everyone cares, everyone wishes life were fair. Or at the very least logical and made some sort of sense. But it doesn’t.

So like the man said, get over it. Move on.

julystorm22
That is the truth. But it does seem to me that a lot of the women my age who get boyfriends did do the casual/sleeping together thing first. So while guys look down upon women who have slept with a bunch of other men, they have no problem with a woman who hasn't slept around sleeping with them early on. I'll give an example. My cousin's fiancee said he saw my cousin was a keeper when she told him she'd only been with one other guy before. But my cousin said they slept together on their first meeting.

That just does not add up. Does not compute. As I have said before, I am not concerned with that “number”, and would actually prefer a woman with some real life experience. But even when I was much younger, if a woman told me that kind of story, and then slept with me on the first date, I would tend to disbelieve what she had told me. Which would cause me to start wondering why she found it necessary to lie to me, which would cause me to look for other holes in her “story”.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 152 (view)
 
Not looking for hookups anymore
Posted: 9/30/2018 11:53:24 AM
Okay, I stand corrected, your “uncle” is from South Africa. The home of apartheid, not something to be proud of. And I give you this from WikiPedia:



https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women_in_South_Africa
In general, all racial and ethnic groups in South Africa have long-standing beliefs concerning gender roles, and most are based on the premise that women in South Africa are less important, or less deserving of power, than men. Some African traditional social organizations are male centered and male dominated. Afrikaner religious beliefs, too, include a strong emphasis on the theoretically biblically based notion that women's contributions to society should normally be approved by, or be on behalf of, men.

We here in the USA do not believe this way, and we do not support your outdated morally reprehensible view. Go away, leave us alone, we don’t want any of your BS.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 37 (view)
 
How men mathematically sleep with more people than women
Posted: 9/30/2018 11:46:53 AM
Something doesn’t add up here. I just checked through the entire 2 pages of this thread, and there are no missing message numbers. Yet message 34 (Onelionheart) starts with a quote saying “Muslim is a religion not a race”, but the word muslim (outside of his quote) first appears in message 36, 2 posts down. And where ever he got the stuff he quoted, it was most definitely not a cut and paste from message 36.

Whatever. I’m going to have to come to the defense of SiennaBear on this one. The statements by Onelionheart do not make sense, it is obvious that English is not his native language and he is not willing to take the trouble to look up the meaning of the words that he is using. I get the feeling that he is composing his posts in a different language, and then using some online translator. Which usually results in gobblydegook and nonsense, which is what we have here.

But the real problem is that he wants to impose his viewpoints, based upon his religion, upon other people. I usually try to stay away from religious debates. I am non-religious, and mostly I believe that religion is “the opiate of the masses”. But I also believe that whatever helps YOU make it through the night is probably a good thing. As long as you don’t bother me with it. And in this case you have come on a public forum, spewing religious nonsense, putting down people, calling a young woman a “slut” simply because she does not share your religious beliefs.


Onelionheart
Yes, ask guys here, if a girl told them she was EXPERIENCED with sex for 10 years, since the age 16, and never got pregnant, what they would think of her?

Okay, I’m a guy, I’m here, and I would say that she was fairly normal (most people do have sex), and smart enough to use birth control. So “normal” and “smart” are what I think.


Onelionheart
Any women sleep with many guys, we call her a slut. Ask guys here.

Okay, I’m a guy, I’m here, and you are full of shit.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 11 (view)
 
is it normal if he wants to meet you once a week?
Posted: 9/29/2018 10:21:17 PM

lionfishgirl
Last time I dated was almost 25 years ago, maybe I just don't know how people think these days...

It does not matter, not one iota, what “people think these days”. What matters is what YOU are comfortable with, and does this man make you happy.

I think purplerider1200 gave you the best advice. Talk to him, not to us. All that matters is what you think, what you feel, and how he reacts to that. But you have to talk to him, not to us.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 150 (view)
 
Not looking for hookups anymore
Posted: 9/29/2018 10:15:03 PM

Onelionheart
IN HIS days, my uncle tells me, laying a a woman you were not married to was as difficult as finding a needle in a haystack. Nowadays, with a few rands in his pocket, any man can get sex.

"There was a time when many women cherished their bodies, much like a sacred temple. Where only a NOBLE MAN, one who respected and loved her, had access to her body. But over time it seems women have failed to realise the important role their sexuality plays in finding a long-term mate," he moans.

He says that in his days a man had to put in a little romance and dedication, but now women throw themselves at men for sex in exchange for a ride to work or lunch.

So why is it so easy for women to engage in sexual activities these days?

According to Dr Thobani Maweni, a psychologist, YOUNG GIRLS are made to believe that being "sexy" EQUATES to empowerment, and that only through promiscuity and sexual aggression will they achieve their friends' admiration.

I’m going to risk being politically incorrect here – I’m guessing your “uncle” comes from a muslim and / or Middle Eastern country? Where women have to wear veils, and aren’t allowed to drive?

You’re a fairly young man (38), so your “uncle” would probably be about my age. I grew up, attended high school and went off to college in the 60’s. And let me tell you, there was some serious sexual liberation going on here in the USA. Damn, that was a good time to be alive!

And you go further back, way back to the roaring 20’s. There was a LOT of sex going on then, another great time to be alive. Maybe not in Saudi Arabia though.

 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Ok so I'm popular but can't get dates. Why??????????
Posted: 9/29/2018 9:55:31 PM

MeramecRiverRat
It seems the bigger the metro area with the highest ratio of women to straight men, the more likely women complain about not finding someone.

Meanwhile, posters from the smallest towns post about getting lots of attention both online and in real life, and going on dates.

That is not the impression that I have gained from reading these forums over the last 8+ years. Distinctly not. And my own experience would definitely disagree with what you’re saying.

As for responding with a “question about geometry”, I have complied with such requests in the past. It didn’t seem to make much of a difference, one way or another, my response rate remained about the same. As many have said before, the words aren’t really that important. Cowboy, abelian, many others have iterated over and over, “pictures pictures pictures”. If you can spell, avoid grammatical errors, and don’t ask if she’s DTF, the words are not what matters here.

Now before I get roasted for that statement – “words are not what matters here”, you have to remember that the forums are a special case. People come here because they are literate, because they like to read and converse with other people using the written word in an online medium. The average person out there using OLD (both men and women) do not like to talk online. They don’t enjoy it, it is not a “natural act” to them. I am not putting such people down, I am just trying to talk about the real facts in the real world.


adventurejoe70
You have a confidence ego issue and the above statement proves it. THAT IS YOUR ISSUE, NOT the big city boys/girls. Truth is they don't deplore you at all. They don't think about you. They don't think your worst or better.

Very true. Life in the big city is fast paced, and full of things to go and see and do. I grew up in a small town, I have spent time in small towns since then, including my original home town. There are advantages to a small town. Social life is NOT one of those advantages, unless your idea of a full social life is going to church 3 times a week. But I do not in any way feel superior to someone just because they live in a small town or rural area.

Now I have been known to chastise people who live far out in the boonies and complain that they don’t have a social life, that they can’t get a date. GTOMustang aka MachIMustangII (whom I still converse with regularly), the regulars here have seen me tell him publicly (more than once), “Drive to the nearest big city. Attend Meetup events. Go dancing. Live a little.” Which does not mean that I feel superior to him, that is NOT what my messages to him are about. I like him, I think he is a great guy and I wish he lived closer so we could get together and hang out. HawkingJR is another man that I would like to meet, hang out with, get to know better. Hell, even Tom Da Bomb, I bet he would be a riot to go out to the clubs with.

Tech30
Using a dating site for actual dating is a big waste of time for most people.

Men use it to find quick and easy sex, and women use it because they are mad at their boyfriends/husbands and want some male attention.

Most people on these sites are fake. Best angle pictures. Filters , lies about age and height.

If you want to find quality leave the invalids online searching for each other.

I’m going to have to disagree with you. If you would change “Most” to “Some”, as in “Some people on these sites are fake”, then I would have to agree. There are fakes. But I don’t believe that is the majority. Now you are a lot younger than me, and live in a different country, so your experience is probably quite different than mine. But the majority of women that I have talked with, and met, are not fakes. Certainly some, but not the majority. From my experience, over the last 8 years, talking to what must be over 1,000 women, and meeting maybe 200 to 300 (wild guess), I would say less than 20% are fakes. And by “fake” I mean lying about or misrepresenting anything of great importance. Such as fudging their age by more than 3 or 4 years, or using pictures more than 10 years old.

I don’t count aspiring to a higher social status as “fake”. Women often list “opera” or “theatre” (as opposed to a movie theater), and in reality that isn’t the case. But that’s just human nature, and I can accept that, deal with it, and I do not think that makes them “fake”.

Most people tend to put their best foot forward, and I don’t hold that against them. If they claim to love the opera (and have never actually been to a live performance), I don’t call that a “fake”. Just someone aspiring to a little higher social plane.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 367 (view)
 
Do nice guys finish last?
Posted: 9/29/2018 1:16:05 PM

Tomaslasan
Henry I think it's where the standard of appeal is set not sure though. You work in a particular field that gives you access to possibly intelligent men who say and do stupid things like complain about a their password not working. Nothing servicing those types and them saying can you fix the damn machine I have to have these in by end of weekend. Get right on it sir thinking " All that intelligence and can't remember a damn password". Oh my favorite the damn printer is not working walk over look down someone unplugged it oh let's have fun with this guy. Yeah this is a mess back here it's going to take me a little while to fix it you can go get a drink or something, plug it in and think that's what you get for wasting my time next time no green light means no power.


No, not really. Men and women with a PhD in a scientific field usually have a very solid problem solving ability. They have studied “the scientific method” for many years, and they believe in it. Yes, they will sometimes let their password expire because they tend to be very busy, but they don’t forget it. The older ones (like me) keep a written list of passwords in their wallet, the younger ones usually have it in their cell phone.

There are a few who think their time is too precious, they are too important to waste their valuable time solving a miniscule problem. But you soon learn which ones are like that, and you put them at the bottom of your priority list. Most of the people I support are a pleasure to work with, they have often isolated the root cause before they ever call on me. They just need my help because of the security protocols.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 26 (view)
 
How many partners is too much?
Posted: 9/29/2018 1:00:37 PM

cooldog65
Averaging less than one partner for each year of life seems reasonable.

An interesting viewpoint, and one with obvious merit. But I would offer this alternate version.



Less than one partner for each year of your ADULT life.

Or perhaps “for each year since you started”. If you’re 40, and started at 16, then a reasonable number would be less than 24.

I’m not sure I actually agree with any of this, just thinking out loud, as it were.

My viewpoint is that it doesn’t matter, as long as you have a clean bill of health and you’re ready willing and able to be monogamous when the time comes. My preference in a woman would be more experience, not less. But less than that “over a 1000” that dragonbytes mentioned!


MsMicki
Well I had 2 at once a very long time ago in a different life...
think it would be too much for me these days...

We always suspected that you had a VERY interesting history! (smile)
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 146 (view)
 
Not looking for hookups anymore
Posted: 9/28/2018 3:12:53 PM
As abelian used to say, over and over,


Women give sex to get a relationship.
Men give a relationship to get sex.

And no, he didn’t originate the saying, but he did repeat it often here in the forums.

Men are driven by their sexual urges to pursue women. Women (most women, anyway) like this, and use it to their advantage. And the men (most men) don’t really mind, it all works out in the long run. And when a man finds the “right one”, then he will be ready for a relationship. It isn’t so much a matter of him all of a sudden changing, as it is that he realizes, “This one is a keeper. This one, right here, right now.”
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Together for 10+ years and still no cohabitation...cause for concern?
Posted: 9/28/2018 3:00:22 PM

browneyesboo
I'm totally pro choice.

As am I. I was just pointing out, in my earlier post, that women who do choose to have an abortion (as is their right) generally have a lot of regrets. Not that they wish they hadn’t had the abortion, but that they had acted more wisely and avoided the situation in the first place. As in, don’t forget the damn pill, don’t skip using the condom just because “he” doesn’t like them, etc, etc.


siisaa
My ex knew a woman many years ago who was like that as well, didn't believe in birth control but got at least one abortion. She claimed she was Catholic as well.

Ah, yes, catholics, very strange religion. Not that other religions aren’t strange, but for some reason catholics do tend to stand out. I have a story about that, us old fogeys have a story about everything (as you may have noticed).

Several years ago I had an initial meeting with a woman. She told me that she hadn’t been on a date in 30 years. I said something like, “Just got out of a long marriage?” She replied, “Yes and no.”

Seems that she was catholic, got married in the church 30 plus years previously. And then shortly thereafter (a year or so?), her husband (who was also catholic) divorced her. She, being a good catholic, didn’t believe in divorce. So in her eyes, and the eyes of the church, and I suppose in the eyes of god, she was married, never mind the legal divorce. Fast forward 30 years, her husband wants to get married, another catholic woman, and this new bride wants a church wedding. So her (ex) husband forks over some moola, and the church grants him an annulment. Does this sound like some people are still living in the middle ages or what?

That was one of those occasions where I had a hard time being polite, sticking around for the minimum 30 minutes that I consider reasonable for an initial meeting.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 7 (view)
 
whats with these POF singles mingle people
Posted: 9/28/2018 9:52:38 AM
They no longer have POF singles events in my area, haven’t for several years. They did previously, and I attended a few. Not bad, not great, middle of the road. Better than going out alone to a club where you know absolutely no one. Meetup is better, find a group you like, keep attending, and pretty soon you will be one of the regulars, lots of people will know you and greet you by name when you show up.



its SUCH a JOKE that these dance invites makes it seem like guys are gonna meet such WONDERFUL warm. people? actually its quite the reverse to say the least.

Just guessing here, as I don’t know you. But it sounds to me like you are your own worst enemy. How well you do at any social gathering is a result of the efforts that YOU put into making it work. It is not anyone else’s job to make you feel warm, welcome, accepted. It is up to you to make an effort. Talk to people, make friends, ask the ladies to dance.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Should I just sit back and wait for emails?
Posted: 9/28/2018 9:39:52 AM

spot4username
Adjust your rose colored lens and be realistic. Online dating is a much tougher nut to crack than real life.

Very, very true. A whole lot of the time and effort that you put into online dating is going to be wasted, not a chance, ever.

There is another thread here on these forums, a current thread, where a good looking young woman admits that she has a boy friend, but keeps her profile up “just for entertainment”. She even talks about showing the messages she receives to her boyfriend, so the two of them can laugh together over how “desperate” the men are.

But do not give up. This can work. I have had two relationships over the last 8 years, and I met both of those ladies online.

spot4username
You message the women you are attracted to and they do not respond.
Women you are not attracted to message you.

Wow, that sounds exactly like my experiences in real life! And I do mean exactly.

The ones I want, do not want me. The ones who want me, I do not want.

But if you’re patient, and keep trying, things will click. At least, they have for me, and many others.

ON EDIT:


Get rid of the age restriction. Most women who are serious will roll their eyes and click next.

Did he change the age restriction? What I’m seeing is 43 and younger, and he is 42, doesn’t seem outlandish?

 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 15 (view)
 
What’s the deal with hey there messages?
Posted: 9/28/2018 9:31:16 AM
I can’t even remember the last time I had anything develop from this site. These days I do not look at profiles or send messages here. I use Tinder and Bumble, and Bumble seems to be a lot more active in my area than Tinder. On Bumble, where the woman has to initiate, I get mostly “Hi” or something like that. No problem, I’ll pick it up and run with it.

No woman who is attractive will ever have to work hard to get dates, not in my experience. We have seen a few women come and go here on these forums, women who look quite attractive but claim to have no success at dating. I usually attribute that to being too picky. Hard for me to imagine any other reason.

Back 2 or 3 years ago, I had an initial meeting (a dinner date actually) with an attractive widow. She and her husband did everything together, they were inseparable, and what they most enjoyed were sailing and snow skiing. She was looking for a replacement for her dead husband. And she told me all about her experiences trying to find said replacement.

There was the guy who claimed to be an avid skier, but when they went on a skiing trip, he would only ski on the beginner slopes. And the guy who said he was an experienced sailor, rented a sail boat so they could go sailing then didn’t really know how to operate the boat. What struck me was that she had found 2 men who liked her enough, were attracted strongly enough, to put in that kind of effort. But that wasn’t good enough for her.

I expect she’s going to be alone for the rest of her life.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 137 (view)
 
Not looking for hookups anymore
Posted: 9/28/2018 8:58:17 AM

SiennaBear2
Also you should see how many men are in my inbox trying to fvck me. Men are so desperate.


whiterose0
If you have a boyfriend, why don't you hide your profile from searches?


SiennaBear2
Well at first I thought I'd find friends but now it's entertaining


This ^^^^ is one of the things that is seriously wrong with online dating. Yes, you, SiennaBear2.


julystorm22
I'd also be interested in the difference between women's numbers in both rural and urban areas. In rural areas, I hypothesize that there are a lot less women with high numbers due to a lack of anonymity. In an urban area, your basic online girl can have tons of hookups without anyone really knowing whereas in a smaller place word would get around. And we all know that women who sleep around are still looked down upon way more than men who do. Guys in small towns brag about the hookups they've had and women not so much. One guy told me he is looking for someone serious within the local area but at least once a week he finds a girl in the city online and drives up to sleep with her. He claimed its pretty simple, that it's like picking apples from a tree while trying to do the same thing in the local area is much more difficult. Of course the numbers to work with are much different. When there is a limited number of matches in the local area, you hesitate to eliminate them with one-night hookups and such. A nearby person has more value than a person farther away.

When I separated and went through my divorce, in late 2009, I went back home to a small town in East Texas and stayed with my brother for about 6 months. I was retired and didn’t have a whole lot of money and was unsure exactly what I was going to do next, so I went home, as it were. I spent a lot of time working on the old homestead, cleared several acres (mostly by hand). Dating was ridiculous. There were women in the small town where I was, but none of them would even answer my messages. Three other small towns, 30 miles west, 35 miles east, and 45 miles north – yes, I could get dates there. But my best luck was to drive an hour to the northern suburbs of the nearest big city. Women in small towns will NOT meet anyone from the same area, only those from outside their area. Most likely due to what julystorm alluded to, above, fear of earning a “reputation”. Go figure.
 
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