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 Author Thread: Questions regarding space
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Questions regarding space
Posted: 1/19/2019 9:05:12 AM

Yes weird as an initial message. However if we were in a conversation about planets or stars or related topic it maybe relative. Otherwise as an first email I would wonder why he or she even wanted to know what's my favorite planet. It would be to off putting and out of the blue.

It might be unusual for a first message. But not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe he just wanted to try a different and unique icebreaker topic. If you liked his profile and pictures, exchange a few emails and see where the conversation leads to.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Men with no friends
Posted: 1/19/2019 8:34:51 AM
It's uncommon for a man to have dozens of friends while growing up from school, their neighborhood, youth sports and organizations etc. But gradually lose touch with many or most of them over the years. People can move, get married and have kids etc and thus you rarely or never see them anymore. I also think many people were more concerned with quantity of friends when they were younger. But now realize having a few quality friends can be more important.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Why do women keep ' read ' messages without responding?
Posted: 1/17/2019 8:00:20 AM

If we don't respond, it's safe to assume we are NOT interested. You don't need to wait three days, or a week, or even a month to message us again as some have suggested. Believe it or not, silence is a response! It's just not the reply you want to get. I get it, and we've all been there. But you need to maintain your dignity and move on.

Most of the time I would agree with you. But as mentioned earlier, there can be exceptions There were a few times when a woman responded to a second email 2-3 months after I added new and better photos and revised my profile. I eventually got a first date / meeting with these women.

There is also a chance that a woman was taking a break from OLD the first time I contacted her. Or she was talking to or dating other men at the time and it didn't work out with any of them.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Dating is all about race
Posted: 1/17/2019 7:49:46 AM
Maybe the OP should try Match because Match has a section where users can put the race(s) they are interested in dating. A mutual search can mostly filter out the people that wouldn't be interested because of race. If he is still gets a very low percentage of positive replies to his initial emails, then most likely it would because of other reasons such as the competition or having a general poor quality of pictures.

Although most people do marry someone from the same race, I do think there are fair amount of people that are open to dating someone from another race. But had very limited chances to so do because most people in their area or social circle are from the same race.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Dating is all about race
Posted: 1/16/2019 7:09:46 PM

I'm sure you know most places in the US have no shortage of White people. OP does not live in a majority non-White city such as Camden, Newark, Honolulu, Detroit, Flint or Memphis.
Even when someone lives in a majority non-white city, there are often many nearby suburbs and surrounding areas that are largely white.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/16/2019 8:34:29 AM
^^^^^^
Montgomery County was about 80% white.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 475 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 1/16/2019 8:21:12 AM
I didn't read the entire thread. But relationship advice columns aren't the gospel. While the advice given might work for some people, not everybody will come from the same background or have the same set of circumstances.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Vanilla Sites vs. Adult Sites
Posted: 1/16/2019 7:55:17 AM

Most men will be more successful finding a relationship than getting laid


Not necessarily. As mentioned earlier, it might be tough to directly find women from adult websites. However there are sex / swinger parties where a decent looking man that is respectful will be able to have sex more often than not. Just need to know which parties allow single men. That can be done with some online research.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/16/2019 7:39:57 AM

it depends on where you live (and long distance relationships can be another problem)..... I'm not in the majority where I live.

The OP's location is North Wales Pa which is a part of Montgomery County near Philly. According to the 2010 census, Montgomery County was about 80%. That being said, it's possible the OP had lived someplace else with a relatively lower percentage of whites.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Dismissed Without Warning
Posted: 1/14/2019 5:24:52 PM
There are several possible reasons why the profile was deleted. He decided to take a break from OLD, he met someone else, went back to ex, was looking to cheat and had second thoughts about it, it was a fake profile, he violated one of POF's rules etc.

The "no internet connection" probably had nothing to do with his profile being deleted. I usually get that message when there is a loose connection, something needs to be updated or reset, there is a problem with the internet provider etc.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 12 (view)
 
What should I do now?
Posted: 1/14/2019 5:21:11 PM
Welcome to the club. This has probably happened many or most that have used OLD. People can change their mind and lose interest at any time for any reason.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Getting to Know a Great but Busy Person
Posted: 1/14/2019 5:13:34 PM

People dont fall in love over text messages and phone calls. Spending actual time together is necessary.

Every now and then, I hear stories about people who got married without meeting each other first. Usually people that used text, phone calls, or maybe Skype for several months or years because long distance. Not sure how these marriages turned out. That being said, it's not something I would do or recommend. Most likely this wouldn't work for most people either.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 13 (view)
 
How much texting after a first meet is too much?
Posted: 1/14/2019 5:02:30 PM
Typo on my previous post. I meant to say on the last sentence "Thus she would call me when she was at work, in her car, out doing errands, or at home when was he was away".
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Swap numbers, then next day get a brush-off
Posted: 1/14/2019 4:59:05 PM
It's a part of OLD. Some women have given their number (without me asking for it) and never returned my calls or texts. People can change their mind and lose interest at any time for any reason. It's also possible that they had lukewarm interest at best and were looking for a text / email buddy for a short period to pass time when they are bored.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Dateing is all about race
Posted: 1/14/2019 4:45:04 PM

your success will be solely dependent on race..

I understand race can be a factor with OLD. But so are many other things including height and weight / body type.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1835 (view)
 
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/14/2019 4:21:14 PM

I honestly don't think that plays a role at all. Never have I been put in check by a gal, pleading to get her second wind to scarf down the rest of her grub. :) YMMV, but many places don't skimp out on the amt for lunch for the purpose of drawing people in. Most people eat till they're full, and leave the rest or put it in the to-go box when paying the bill.

I did say in my experience. When I go out for food (whether I'm alone, with friends, or on a date), I tend to eat more more at dinner because I'm usually more hungry then. Other people may have different eating patterns though.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Why am I not getting replies
Posted: 1/14/2019 9:26:06 AM
There is a lot of competition. In particular for men under 40 in OLD. That being said, when I got more emails and dates, it was often I added new and better pictures of myself and to a lesser extent after I revised my profile. The content of the initial emails had very little impact.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Getting to Know a Great but Busy Person
Posted: 1/14/2019 9:10:28 AM

If you're really keen then offer her to go bowling again. If you get let down again just delete that number of hers and never look back!

Agreed. I get that people can go thru busy stretches of their life due to work, family, school, being on vacation etc. However if someone rarely has free time in general or doesn't give an estimated time for when (s)he would be available, then I would move on.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 6 (view)
 
How much texting after a first meet is too much?
Posted: 1/14/2019 8:52:18 AM
The OP can call him and be polite. But firm as a final warning/chance. If he continues the same behavior, then she can move on.


Makes me wonder if the guy is married or has a significant other. Easier to hide texting than a phone call.


I don't mind communicating by text although blowing up my phone with constant texts could be excessive. But I wouldn't assume that person is married or in a relationship. Some people just don't like talking on the phone. A person that is married or in a relationship can call you when his/her partner isn't around. I briefly dated a woman until I found out she was married. Her husband traveled often because of his job. Thus she would call me when she was at work, in her car, out doing errands, or at home when was away.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 175 (view)
 
Getting blocked by someone for no apparent reason
Posted: 1/12/2019 6:02:50 PM
[quote[I rarely send a second message.
I have contacted women a second time on occasion when they didn't respond to my initial email. Usually after I added new pictures or revised my profile 2-3 months later. There is also a chance that a woman was taking a break from OLD the first time I contacted her. Or she was talking to or dating other men at the time and it didn't work out with any of them.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1826 (view)
 
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/12/2019 5:48:21 PM

Sooooooo………….. Does this ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ mean someone now has to agree, who will be paying …………..by the minutes?
Can I use a debit card? ?Gift card available?

According to some people on previous threads, gift cards, certificates, coupons etc are unacceptable sources of payment on the first date. LOL.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1824 (view)
 
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/12/2019 10:42:30 AM
In my experience, dinner tends to be somewhat longer than lunch because people often have larger meals at dinner. I might have just a sandwich for lunch. I might also have appetizers and/or desserts along with a sandwich for dinner. If someone has a smaller meal for dinner, then the amount of time spent for dinner and lunch might be about the same when the other factors ginghamgal mentioned are equal.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/11/2019 7:01:53 PM

My suggestion is that you try to steer women to phone conversation as soon as possible. You might find that they are better conversationalists on the phone than they are online. It's also a good way to gauge interest level.
Possibly although I know people that don't like talking on the phone and are better at having a face to face conversation. Which is why I have a relatively "low bar" for phone calls and wouldn't dismiss someone just because it wasn't the smoothest phone conversation.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1822 (view)
 
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/11/2019 6:47:49 PM

Same here. I suppose it could take less than 45 minutes for dinner. But it would probably take a perfect storm of events. The place is not crowded, there is quick service from the waiter or waitress, both people immediately know what they want to order, both people either don't order that much food or order something that can be prepared relatively fast etc

Exactly. That's why I plan for having dinner at casual restaurant for about a hour with an option of extending the date if things go well. Just like the other first date / meeting venues I mentioned earlier.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 75 (view)
 
Would you pay for safety?
Posted: 1/11/2019 3:56:37 PM

I have my own dating rules. For first meet.

I agree with many of these things. But not all though.


Don't drink alcohol on a first meet

There are certain bars that I wouldn't go to. But I wouldn't avoid alcohol. I would probably have 2 or 3 drinks. If I'm not driving, I might have a little bit more. I simply wouldn't leave my drink unattended or get drunk.


Do not let him walk you to your car.

That depends on well the date is going. I have walked women to their car after a good first date / meeting.


Meet during the day for the first meet

Many people might be usually available at night after work. There are plenty of places that have well lit parking lots and are fairly crowded.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1816 (view)
 
getting screwed on the first date
Posted: 1/9/2019 4:32:30 PM
45 minutes was the general minimum amount of time spent. It could also be 50 or 55 minutes, exactly a hour or maybe a little bit more than a hour in some cases. Thus the overall average is still close to a hour. I realize there can be other factors involved. But more often than not, I was able to get and finish a meal quicker when a restaurant wasn't as busy.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 310 (view)
 
Older men's expectations
Posted: 1/9/2019 4:07:57 PM

How does lying about your age attract younger men?
Men either like what they see or they don't. I don't have
to lie about my age to attract younger men.

Some younger men like old poots such as myself.

He is probably talking about people lying their age to get the around the POF age restrictions. That being said, if a woman is much older or younger than me, then most likely it wouldn't be anything more than a FWB or casual relationship. Regardless of how attractive she is.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1814 (view)
 
getting screwed on the first date
Posted: 1/9/2019 3:49:24 PM

It's very easy to leave a restaurant and eat in way less than an hour if it's not packed.

Perhaps if a restaurant was virtually empty and had relatively few customers. However spending about 45 minutes to a hour has been much more common for me.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1812 (view)
 
getting screwed on the first date
Posted: 1/9/2019 2:52:49 PM

Those will take longer than a fancy restaurant. Just sayin'. :)

Not necessarily. The amount of time is flexible. If I spent 2-3 hours at Dave and Busters, festivals, mini golf, bowling, pool halls etc, that would be because both people were having at a good time and wanted to extend the date. However I can just as easily to decide to leave after about a hour or so if necessary.


The reason one wouldn't want to bring them to an upscale place is $$

Yes money is a big factor. But also in my experience, dinners at formal restaurants tend to take longer whether because it's formal restaurants are more crowded or it takes longer to prepare the food or some other reason.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Very Fancy Restaurant for Second Date?
Posted: 1/9/2019 8:29:03 AM
I wouldn't go to a fancy or expensive restaurant until we were in a committed relationship. A moderately priced restaurant would be a better choice for a second date. At this point, I still wouldn't know a woman that well and I don't know if things will progress to anything more serious.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1809 (view)
 
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/9/2019 8:15:30 AM

I think only one in 75 first meets are at a coffee house. All the rest are dinner at a resturant. Coffee dates are just not necessary in my experience.

I had first dates / meetings at a various of places. Dave and Busters, festivals, mini golf, bowling, pool halls, sports bars etc. In general I had a better time at these places than Starbucks even there wasn't enough mutual interest / attraction for another date. These places were relatively inexpensive without any major time limits. In other words, a person wouldn't have to spend multiple hours there if it ended up being a very bad date.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 82 (view)
 
Time wasters
Posted: 1/7/2019 7:21:30 AM

I am sure men have just as many stories about trying to just leave meet and greets as women.
Bad first dates / meetings can happen on occasion here and there. But most of my first dates / meetings were cordial even when there wasn't enough mutual attraction / interest for another date. As I said to Literate Hiker, when people constantly complain about bad dates, then they should at least reevaluate their approach to OLD.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/7/2019 7:08:18 AM

Exactly lol. Which is why I don't buy this at all. I'm sure it happens sometimes, but for the most part, these women aren't holding a conversation when they're not interested. I don't buy that that's something common. If it is, then it's on the women themselves to stop doing it.

Some people here are looking for a text/chat buddy to pass time when they are bored and have lukewarm interest at best. When I'm unsure of a woman's interest level, I will ask her out and put the ball clearly in her court. If she doesn't respond, says no, claims to be "busy" without an counteroffer, or evades question, then I will move on.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Women can't hold conversations, that's why they're here
Posted: 1/6/2019 7:57:03 AM

I know it's a confusing, but women learn quickly on here that if they send a polite rejection they're more likely to get a vicious email in return than a thank you for being honest. Ignoring has the same effect as a polite rejection. Some women preemptively block, but my opinion is that blocking should be reserved for mega azzholes.

Simply block a man when he gets mad because a woman didn't respond to the initial email or said "No thanks". Answering someone's questions or commenting on a joke when your (generic) aren't interested can give that person a sense of false hope and is just wasting that person's time and effort. That person may feel there is mutual initial interest when the interest is actually one sided.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 111 (view)
 
Texting or Calling?
Posted: 1/6/2019 7:37:24 AM

Or people can exchange texts with another person while doing certain types of exercises. Like riding a stationary bike.

Good point. I recently had a text conversation while doing some cardio exercises.


I've arranged dates by both text and phone. So it really does not matter that much.

Same here. I'm okay with having a short 15 minute phone conversation prior to a first date / meeting. But it's not mandatory. I don't think talking on the phone necessarily means someone is more serious or honest. I also don't necessarily think a phone conversation a general indicator of how good or bad a first date / meeting might be because of reasons I mentioned in msg 97 and 100.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 46 (view)
 
blocked
Posted: 1/1/2019 10:10:50 PM
I have contacted women a second time on occasion. Usually after I added new pictures or revised my profile 2-3 months later. There is also a chance that a woman was taking a break from OLD the first time he contacted her. Or she was talking to other men at the time and it didn't work out with any of them.


I wouldn't block someone because when someone gets blocked a certain amount of times ( unknown) POF systems deletes your whole profile. Blocking is for rude and persistent messages. I rarely if ever get a man here that is rude or abrasive or disrespectful. I personally think that would be the only cause to block someone.

Agreed.


Instead I would just choose to ignore. Some people think this is "rude." I think it is the most gentle way to be turned down or rejected. With silence.

For the first email, I don't care if I get "No thanks" or no response. However if 2 people had at least 1 date / meeting and then I think it would be rude to ignore someone. In particular when there was some discussion of another date and the other person changed his/her mind.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Would ladies give a chance to an extremely shy guy?
Posted: 1/1/2019 9:40:03 PM

A woman enhancing and/or keeping up her looks benefits the man too - men appreciate an attractive partner.


Yes to some extent. But I don't need a woman that takes forever to get ready because she spends a lot of time figuring which one of her 10 pairs of brown shoes or 10 pairs of black pants she should wear.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 1804 (view)
 
getting screwed on the first date
Posted: 1/1/2019 8:26:54 AM

I refuse to go to dinner for a first date, it's not worth the risk if you don't get on. It's two hours you'll never get back

I wouldn't have dinner at a upscale restaurant on a first date / meeting. But I would at a casual restaurant where 2 people can finish a meal within 45-60 minutes. If the date was really bad, then I could put my food in a doggy bag.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Would ladies give a chance to an extremely shy guy?
Posted: 1/1/2019 8:18:48 AM

Shy people equals "constantly need to be the center of attention, are very demanding and hard to please, unwilling to compromise and unwilling to compromise plus constantly expect others to draw them out of their self imposed silence...."constantly need to be the center of attention" poor me, I am shy. You need to do all the work on phone conversation, first meets, coffee dates. Don't expect them to talk"...."unwilling to compromise" and meet you half. Expect you to take all the risk of reject while they sit there all shy...."unwilling to compromise " Won't try themselves but expect other to try to work around a problem that isn't even their own.


I still think shy and high maintenance are 2 different types of personalities. Shy and high maintenance people can react very differently in a given situation. High maintenance people can be loud and obnoxious with their constant "I must have this" and "I hate that" comments. Shy people are less likely to argue over trivial things or speak out of turn. High maintenance people will seek out extra attention at social settings while shy people may avoid extra attention and stay in the background.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Would ladies give a chance to an extremely shy guy?
Posted: 12/31/2018 11:20:56 AM

Seriously?

Shy people put non shy people in the position of having to work hard to draw the shy person out.
If having to work at a conversation isn't the definition of high maintenance, I would like to know what is.

It can also be a form of control.


Yes I'm serious. My definition of high maintenance is people that spend an excessive amount of time or money on their appearance, constantly need to be the center of attention, are very demanding and hard to please, unwilling to compromise and get upset when things don't go 100% their way etc. In my experience, these types of traits don't necessarily apply to shy people.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 17 (view)
 
How do you meet someone nice and genuine?
Posted: 12/31/2018 10:41:54 AM

Interesting, because I see the status now as Single.

OP must have changed it after the initial feedback. Anyhow being separated was more a "yellow flag" or a "proceed with caution" for me than an automatic dealbreaker. Not all people that are separated are in the same situation. Some people may been legally separated for multiple years before the divorce was finalized.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Living with parents... a turn off?
Posted: 12/31/2018 10:25:46 AM
Plenty of reasons why some people may live with their parents. Not all are bad. Perhaps they are saving up money to buy a house. Perhaps they are taking care of sick or elderly parents. Perhaps they relocated back to area or ended a relationship and needed a place to stay until they could find their own place. Overall that is becoming more common.

I was still living with my parents when I was in early to mid 20s because I was saving up to buy a house. Housing can be expensive in some areas. I didn't pay rent because my parents made a deal with me. I didn't have to pay rent provided that I finished college. I held up my end of the bargain. I did contribute to household chores though. Laundry, washing dishes, cutting the grass etc.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 72 (view)
 
Ladies. how many messages do you receive?
Posted: 12/30/2018 12:19:17 PM

I get about 5 messages on average a day and most are from guys over 250km away or are from guys who are shorter. I would love to get messages from a guy who was taller and local but the pool is just too damn small. Seems to be less guys on pof than before and I've checked out other dating sites and none have the amount of local people as pof. I was going to join singleparentsmeet but there were only 3 local guys on there, all who I've seen on pof.

I understand long distance being a dealbreaker. But perhaps you could be more flexible about height. In particular when they match most of the other things you are looking for.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Would ladies give a chance to an extremely shy guy?
Posted: 12/30/2018 12:06:50 PM

Lol, this literally made me chuckle out loud. I'd give a chance to an "extremely shy guy" once I got to know him and he became more comfortable and talkative with me. At that point, he'd be more than just some super shy guy. but if you're very shy and trying to date online strangers who'll curb you for something as trivial as wearing shoes that don't match your outfit...um, good luck.

A shy person is also highly unlikely to have "instant chemistry" on a first date / meeting. Which is a requirement for many people that use OLD.


Not into high maintenance.

I don't think shy people usually come across as being high maintenance. LOL.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 52 (view)
 
What are things you see in dating profiles that will make you sadly skip past them?
Posted: 12/30/2018 11:57:33 AM
^^^I know plenty of sports fans in relationships with non-sports fans. When 1 person is watching sports in his/her "mancave", the other person can be doing something else in a different part of the house. A woman insisting that I could only watch sports when she's not home would be excessive in my viewpoint.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Why do women have slogan pics in their profile
Posted: 12/28/2018 4:18:02 PM
Possibly to get more attention. I don't mind these types of pictures. But for the most part, I won't become more or less interested in a woman because of it.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Anybody here use a dental dam?
Posted: 12/28/2018 4:13:17 PM
I will repeat what was said in another thread. I would rather not give / receive oral sex than use condoms or dental dams.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 117 (view)
 
decent hand job
Posted: 12/28/2018 4:11:47 PM

I thought men usually only wanted a handjob as a prelude to something better. I can't say I have spent much time perfecting my hj technique, but I haven't gotten any complaints.

Usually hand jobs happens at the beginning orthe end of my sexual encounters. But on occasion I have received hand jobs without any other sexual activity.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Who has used dental dams for oral sex?
Posted: 12/28/2018 4:03:56 PM

I would rather not give / receive oral sex than use condoms or dental dams.

Same here.
 ssm508
Joined: 5/27/2018
Msg: 68 (view)
 
Ladies. how many messages do you receive?
Posted: 12/28/2018 4:00:06 PM

Most of the messages I've received from women just said "hi". And every time I see that I think about how most women want the initial message to be longer than that. I don't mind. It's like talking to someone you're interested in IRL. The conversation usually starts with hi then goes from there.

Same here. The point of the first message is seeing if there is mutual initial interest based on the profile and pictures. If there is, then subsequent conversations can help determine how lazy or articulate someone is.
 
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