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 Author Thread: Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 1/15/2019 8:57:51 PM
I admit my schedule does makes things difficult. But being in my 30s, it does seem more difficult. Meeting IRL was much easier in my 20s when more people were out mingling. What's funny is I know so many single women in their 30s but very few single men. I do know the social circles I go in don't have many guys. No possibilities for meeting and getting to know someone organically IRL. I have asked many of my POF dates what they do for fun and socializing. A lot say they just stay home and watch tv or they hunt or fish or go skidooing. I've heard many guys say they quit going out and socializing when the last of their buddies got married.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Weight loss drugs: Worth it or Not?
Posted: 1/13/2019 10:08:01 AM
Well, I am finally back down to 197 after going up to as high as 212 in December. I got to 197 in September but the cold weather always seems to hit me hard. My metabolism slows and my energy level. I find it really hard to exercise. And then my home care clients try to stuff me with baked goods and chocolates in December and my willpower goes to hell. After Christmas I started going again to the walking track and doing stairs and I got a blender for Christmas (my old one broke back in June) and I'm back to making smoothies and drinking lots of green tea. Its helped me shed some pounds but I seem to get stuck at 197. A couple days ago I was at the grocery store and noticed a big box of garcinea cambogea marked down by 75% because it was expired so I'm giving it a try. My goal weight is 162 pounds by my 36th birthday on July 24th, something I set in July of 2017 with a dietician I saw.

Sometimes I worry that I've become a bit too obsessed with my weight. And the truth is I don't know if its possible to truly feel good about myself until I can achieve my goal. Online dating seems to make it worse. I wish I didn't want to meet someone but when I decided to stop looking I stopped caring so much about losing weight and backslid. I'm ok with my weight now EXCEPT when it comes to dating. I'm trying to wrap my head around a better frame of mind regarding this. I need to find a good self-help video or something.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Is online dating a great tool for finding true love or not
Posted: 1/13/2019 8:56:31 AM
How is one to mingle at events and parties when there are no events or parties with single people to go to? I think that's the biggest reason online dating is the only option for some people. Where does one meet someone IRL?

Not at the bar. The bars around here are empty of people in their mid-20s to mid-40s

Not church. No single guys in their 20s, 30s or 40s attends my church.

Not at work. 97% of my co-workers are female and most of my clientele are north of the age 70.

Not at parties. The only parties I go to are kids' birthday parties and family parties and no single men except my brother goes to family parties.

Not at events. I go to lots of events. Go to hockey games all the time' things the town puts on and the only men in my age range I see are accompanied by wives/girlfriends.

Not at hobbies/activities. I'm in co-ed soccer and there is not a single guy in the bunch, all are in relationships. And I walk regularily at the walking track and I only see men there with their wives/girlfriends, once I thought a guy I kept seeing there was single bit after a month of sightings I found out he lives with someone.

Not around the community...I admit, I probably do come across lots of single guys in the grocery store but I don't know if their single. And I'm definitely not going to try flirting with someone unless I know they are single. I live in a town that is big enough not to know a lot of people but small enough that most people know someone I know flirting with the wrong person can you labeled as a desperate manstealer mighty quick.

I have no idea where all the single men are hiding....I do know that a lot of single guys from around here work away from home in the oil and gas industry or they move away for higher paying jobs in mining or other. I suspect men only move back here and work here when they have a woman and/or kids to keep them here. I'd actually be really curious how many single men actually reside here. Funny thing, my mom and aunt, both in the 50s, have attended two singles dances for 50+ and my mom told me at the first one' two men and 40 women showed up then at the second one 3 men showed up and even more women.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 81 (view)
 
Time wasters
Posted: 1/7/2019 5:46:52 AM
I won't meet anyone till I've messaged them a week or two and got a good feel for them
I won't give out my phone number until we've had a few good texting conversations.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 4 (view)
 
My turn for a torturous profile preview.
Posted: 12/31/2018 2:35:19 PM
I go back and forth with including my weight. Unfortunately too many guys ask my weight in conversations and when I've told them they've quit talking to me or said something negative. So stating my weight is like a pre-screener in a way. Debating taking it off though.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 74 (view)
 
Ladies. how many messages do you receive?
Posted: 12/31/2018 2:31:19 PM

I understand long distance being a dealbreaker. But perhaps you could be more flexible about height. In particular when they match most of the other things you are looking for.


That's the trouble though, those guys don't match a lot of the things I'm looking for. I find myself reading these guys' profiles thinking maybe there's just something that screams potential but there isn't. I'm willing to overlook a lot if a guy is local and interested in me but I won't compromise on everything. If I'm going to compromise on height then the guy needs other things going for him. I had two short guys message me today, one was a computer programmer and the other a self-declared gamer. Nowhere in their profiles did they mention they like the outdoors or camping or sports, all things I like.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 1 (view)
 
My turn for a torturous profile preview.
Posted: 12/28/2018 9:02:48 PM
Anyone care to review my profile? Specifically men. Its not that I don't respect women's opinions but I want to know what men think when they read.

I rewrite my profile often. I flipflop between giving too much info and too little.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Ladies. how many messages do you receive?
Posted: 12/28/2018 8:57:07 PM
I get about 5 messages on average a day and most are from guys over 250km away or are from guys who are shorter. I would love to get messages from a guy who was taller and local but the pool is just too damn small. Seems to be less guys on pof than before and I've checked out other dating sites and none have the amount of local people as pof. I was going to join singleparentsmeet but there were only 3 local guys on there, all who I've seen on pof.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 39 (view)
 
*trigger* Have I broken it off too soon?
Posted: 12/27/2018 12:50:36 PM
This area is fairly underpopulated so I've lowered my standards a few times to give someone a chance because there's just so few decent guys out there. And what Silissa said about the guy she's going out with and how another woman would have snapped him up if she hadn't made a move is something which exists here. I do think in real life, guys have it made where I live IF they have there shit together (ie. good job, good home).

By excitement, I mean that I'm excited to see someone and spend time with them. I look forward to a message from them and talking on the phone. This is opposed to not really being into someone, reluctantly continuing seeing someone, hoping your feelings will change. And I try to make things work with these guys I'm really not into because I'm grasping at straws. 90% of the guys who message me are either shorter, live more than a couple hours away, are from another country or have mountain men beards or mustaches. I've tried dating shorter guys but it just makes me feel too big, it really irks me. I just viewed the profiles of 20 guys on pof that I liked the profile pics of that I figured were neither too good-looking or bad-looking. 17 of the guys I actually thought had potential but guess what? 2 of the 3 I didn't like messaged me. One was 2 inches shorter and the other had said in his profile he wasn't single.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 30 (view)
 
*trigger* Have I broken it off too soon?
Posted: 12/26/2018 8:45:30 PM
I don't think its self-sabatoge either. I ended up dating the wrong guy because I was tired of having the right guy ignore me. I began to think I just had too high standards so I wanted to give someone a chance. Rather than remaining alone. Big mistake of course.

A couple months ago I met a decent guy and we had alot in common. I liked his personality but I really wasn't attracted to him and ultimately I decided to not see him a third time because I knew no matter how hard I'd try, I just wasn't into him. There were no feelings of excitement. It was just me trying to talk myself into liking the guy which I concluded I needed to stop.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 24 (view)
 
*trigger* Have I broken it off too soon?
Posted: 12/26/2018 9:47:23 AM
: I couldn't care less about my ex. Never missed him a single minute since we've been split. Just wish I still didn't have to deal with him but unfortunately I have another 16 years before my youngest turns 18. The guy above that I was referring to was never a boyfriend, just a sort of friend. I could've ended things early on, knowing there was no future but I enjoyed being "in like". Its such a great feeling really liking someone and spending time with them. I guess you could call it a crush. Since I was a kid I always had crushes, knowing they'd never come to anything because the guy was always either not interested in me or interested in or with someone else. Very few times I outright let the guy know because every time it ended him hanging out with me. I've learned its better to have these crushes where I feel happy and hopeful rather than accepting the real fact that the guy doesn't like me the same way I like him. And at least this time I was actually sleeping with the guy I had a crush on, that only happened one other time so at least part of my fantasy came true. The OP, Katy talked about that romantic bubble that can exist and it feels so damn good even when you know it'll be short-lived.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 21 (view)
 
*trigger* Have I broken it off too soon?
Posted: 12/24/2018 8:52:44 AM
Katy, I understand what you are going through. It is so hard to find that connection to someone where you are attracted to someone and know that in the right circumstances they would be a great match for you. I'm still sad at the fact that I met a guy I connected with and he ticked off so many of my boxes (I was attracted to him, we had so much in common, he was a great dad, he was someone I think my kids would have liked and respected, I connected emotionally with him and the sex was great) BUT he moved 8 hours away so he could be by his kids when their mom moved them to be with her boyfriend. I know I could never move there so that meant the end. We still talk but I think we are just delaying the fact nothing can never happen and I have to let go. I go on pof and none of the guys come close to him. You are left fantasizing about the what ifs and it sucks.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 37 (view)
 
How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/20/2018 9:33:18 PM
My mom hadn't been planning to leave but after my youngest brother graduated he immediately moved away and the empty nest syndrome for her was awful. She hadn't been so unhappy until all her kids were gone and he only wanted to sit and watch the hunting channel. Unfortunately, my mom never developed much of a social life there so she didn't really have friends to hang out with. He was a nice guy but his mom died about a year before they met and he had lived with her, never having moved out of the family home. I think he was really just looking for a substitute for his mom. And my mom was looking for someone the complete opposite of my dad.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 70 (view)
 
i'm bacon for it
Posted: 12/20/2018 9:24:52 PM
Well, I was talking food on a normal North American menu, not the weird things most people here would not eat...I've tried grasshoppers and ants but not gonna eat any other bugs. Yuck. Generally there just isn't much I won't eat. There are foods I dislike such as rhubarb and green olives with pimentos and oysters and kippers and headcheese but I could handle eating them, even the oysters I choked down. I really don't want to eat anything that still has the head attached though.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 164 (view)
 
#looksmatter.
Posted: 12/19/2018 2:16:28 PM
I will confess that I've never ironed anything in my life. And actually, I'vd found single men often dress better than committed men. I guess cause they are trying to look good in case a single lady comes along.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 59 (view)
 
i'm bacon for it
Posted: 12/17/2018 10:16:00 PM
Geez, all I mean is if someone wants to go to a sushi restaurant, I will go to a sushi restaurant. A couple ladies from work invited me for lunch with them to a sushi restaurant. I never get invited to stuff at work so I was excited to say yes. I hoped there was something non-sushi on the restaurant but there wasn't except miso soup so I ordered sushi but did not enjoy it. I never complained though.

When I was with my ex he never wanted to go to any restaurants I wanted. I like Indian cuisine and Thai and Mexican and Ukrainian and Japanese and a whole lot of other different types of food. He wouldn't go to any. He always only wanted to go to burger joints or places with buffets. We fought a lot about that. So I am not going to be a person who says "I don't like that kind of food so I won't go to that type of restaurant" or if I'm at someone's house, and they serve something I don't like, I won't be rude and say I won't eat it because they went to the work of cooking it. I hope that the other person will return the favour. If I go out to their kind of restaurant, hopefully they will come to one I choose in the future. If I eat the food at their house, I expect them to eat the food at my house.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 50 (view)
 
i'm bacon for it
Posted: 12/17/2018 3:19:46 PM
Actually Pennyante, I want to be polite and eat what is put in front of me and not complain. It has nothing to do with getting men to like me. Generally I have an open mind when it comes to food.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 47 (view)
 
i'm bacon for it
Posted: 12/17/2018 12:18:29 PM
Being open-minded about food is a big one. But I admit, I do have my limits. I've tried sushi several times and I just don't like it. But if I was with someone who loved sushi I would go to a sushi restaurant with him and eat it and keep my dislike of it to myself. When someone asks me if I like something and I really don't I will say it's "good" but my close family/friends know that means bad. If I really like something I'll say its delicious or great or another better-than-good adjective. There is nothing I refuse to eat EXCEPT oysters. They just feel so rubbery I can't swallow them.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 12 (view)
 
I've given up on trying to be nice in my profile
Posted: 12/16/2018 7:06:15 AM
Wow, I'm thoroughly impressed by your thoughtful, descriptive, honest well-written profile. It gives me inspiration to change my own.

Intereresting that you said your BMI. I'm contemplating doing that too, it might make for less wasted dates.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 33 (view)
 
She's great but... she doesn't like bacon!
Posted: 12/15/2018 12:36:35 PM
My mother is a very fussy eater. 80% of restaurants she won't go to. She won't eat Indian or Japanese or Mexican food or a lot of other foods. My one brother is like that. My other brother, who eats everything, married a woman who is a fussy eater and their kids turned into fussy eaters like her and it drives him nuts because whenever he tried to get the kids to eat better she fought him.

I love trying new food. I love all kinds of cuisines and trying new recipes. I would really like someone who shared my culinary interests.

If someone had a health problem which prevented them from eating certain foods I could understand it so long as it didn't prevent me from enjoying it. If someone was allergic to something like nuts though I would not be able to give up my love of nuts for them. I find i5 annoying enough to send my kids peanut/nut-free lunches to school.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 22 (view)
 
She's great but... she doesn't like bacon!
Posted: 12/14/2018 11:44:10 AM
Fussy eaters are a pet peeve of mine. Absolutely can't stand it. Like I said, I would rather date a smoker. I love to cook a lot of different foods and it would aggravate me to no end to cook for someone who had a list of over 10 things he wouldn't eat.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 138 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/14/2018 6:46:22 AM
It's not desperation though. It's how the world of pof works. Most guys fall into one of 3 categories:

1) geeky or weird guys who have been on here forever
2) good-looking guys who have been on here forever who are usually just after quick casual sex
3) decent guys who are newly broken up and on the rebound

Rarely are there decent guys well out of a relationship who want a relationship. Those guys get snapped up fairly quickly so they aren't on pof long.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 19 (view)
 
She's great but... she doesn't like bacon!
Posted: 12/14/2018 12:10:10 AM
I am a Canadian and I had to go to Google a couple years ago to find out what Canadian bacon was. A recipe I wanted to make called for it and no one in the store knew what it was. Must be an Ontario thing.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 34 (view)
 
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/14/2018 12:07:05 AM
I think my weight is misleading too. I actually have curves in the right places (big boobs/butt) and I'm tall so I carry my weight well. But for some men I'd be considered average and to some fat. Different men have different tastes. Just as women do. But some of the guys who say they can't find a woman on pof because most of them are fat are kind of ridiculous. In my neck of the woods, I would say at least 70% of women over age 30 would not be considered thin.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 31 (view)
 
How do I word this?
Posted: 12/13/2018 9:13:28 AM
I used to be polite and respond to almost every guy who messaged me, barring the lewd ones, but after a while I realized I was just leading them on with my politeness and there just is really no polite way to reject someone. Silence is best.

I am overweight but at size 14, 5'8 and 197 lbs, I do not consider myself obese. I'm in reasonable shape. Fitness is important to me and health. When I get contacted by really big guys I do ignore their messages because I'm interested in someone who would like to go swimming with me or on a long walk or hike. But no way in hell would I put no BBMs in my profile because that would make me sound like a snob. And if I read a guy's profile and he said he didn't want any fat women, even if it was in politically correct wording, I would not want to meet him.

I have had some fairly hurtful things said to me on pof. When I have viewed a few guys' profiles (note, I DID NOT even message them) I have had guys send me messages saying they aren't interested in fat women. I started including a full-body photo of myself in my profile so that guys could know I'm not thin. But once I had been talking to a guy for about a week on pof, was set to meet him and he was a no-show. I messaged him later to ask what gives and he said he saw that I was bigger than what he was looking for. It really hurt. And I have been asked my weight many many times on pof and sometimes when I've told a guy, he has said then that he's not interested. And I wonder to myself, if I'm getting that kind of reaction I wonder what women much bigger than me are getting. Perhaps they aren't getting the initial messages at all because they are more obviously bigger. I hate coming to an online dating site as a non-thin woman. At least if I had met a guy in real life, he'd know my weight beforehand and if he asked me out, I'd know I was up to snuff. But when I meet a guy from online that is the first thing that I worry about, if I don't weigh too much for him. And that's completely because of previous experiences I've had on here. So I often ask a guy after he's asked if I will meet if he's okay with bigger women. I let him know my weight upfront and half the time, a guy will say it's all good and want to go out anyway.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 16 (view)
 
She's great but... she doesn't like bacon!
Posted: 12/13/2018 8:46:03 AM
Fussy eaters are a big pet peeve of mine, even worse than smokers. If a guy online told me he hated seafood or vegetables or bacon, I would instantly dismiss him in my mind.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/13/2018 8:39:45 AM
I work with the elderly and what I've noticed is that there are still some lovey-dovey couples kicking around in the 60s and up. I think though, that a healthy couple is one in which both persons have individual interests apart from each other some of the time.

I do think though that a relationship needs euphoria to begin with. And true attraction with euphoria, it never quite goes away, it resurfaces from time to time.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Plenty of Pervs
Posted: 12/13/2018 8:33:21 AM
I just don't understand how you can flirt with strangers when you get to your 30s and up. 80% of the men are in committed relationships (either married or living together common-law) but only a third actually wear wedding rings so there's no way to tell. And flirting with the wrong guy will get you in a lot of trouble because their wife/girlfriend might just be an acquaintance of yours. If only there was some way to tell who the single men are. Sometimes I know their first and last names and look them up on Facebook but almost always I then see they are in a relationship. If I was to go to Home Hardware right now and flirt with some guy while looking at paint, for example, I might end up embarrassing myself because I'll find out he's seeing my daughter's dance teacher.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 128 (view)
 
if wishes were horses, beggars would ride for free
Posted: 12/13/2018 8:24:08 AM
What I've found is that better-looking guys who are interested in me, are really only after sex. Even a lot of the average-looks guys are just after sex. I believe that I'm a nice enough person to be around and okay-looking enough, but I'm not a girl many would look at for long term. And I've tried dating guys I'm not attracted to because their personalities fit and they seem like they have honourable intentions but there's things about their personalities that end up bothering me a lot, things that I would probably overlook if I was attracted to them.

I have come to completely mistrust good-looking guys on pof. I think most of them have figured out they can go on pof at any one time and find a woman who will sleep with them quickly. The only exception to this is a good-looking guy who has just come online because he just ended a longterm relationship. Those guys are usually looking to jump into another relationship but not really over their old relationship but from what I've heard and observed, if a girl can stick it out while he gets over his old relationship, there is a fighting chance. But after that guy gets a rebound in from a longterm relationship, if they spend a couple months on pof they end up on the casual sexcapades route because then they want to enjoy single life for a while.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Can’t get this girl off of my mind
Posted: 12/13/2018 8:10:27 AM
But that's the trouble with dating in today's world. At times we are too quick to move on to the next person. Maybe this was the initial problem, this guy moved on to the next then realized he shouldn't have been too quick.

Tossing the idea of "soulmate" aside, I believe there is only a small percentage of people that would be compatible with each person. And sometimes we dismiss people prematurely. If you don't get to know a person sometimes you might miss out on a person who would truly be great for you. If upon reflection, this guy thinks this girl is worth the time, he should pursue it. Again, what does he have to lose? Time? He could waste more time by continuing to look for the right person if the right person was already in front of him. Yes, he may have missed the boat and she's long gone but not necessarily. Some of you guys just assume because POF has such skewed gender ratios that women can find someone so easily but the truth is, in the real world, outside of online dating, women may actually have the opposite ratio problem. While 80% of single men go online and aren't really looking in the outside world, 80% of women are not online and looking in the real world (that's not a real number but it's just an imaginary number I am throwing out there to make a point).
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 123 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/10/2018 5:53:01 AM
But nba24, even you said that the women you would like are not into you. I'm just tired of guys I don't like liking me and guys I do like not liking me very much. I think many of us feel the same way on here. The problem of finding MUTUAL attraction.

Knowing who your competition is and figuring out who you can get is a big part of the puzzle. On one hand, I'm overweight and a single mother so that brings my datability down significantly but on the other hand, from what I've seen of women in the 25 to 45 age category on pof, 80% of women on there are both overweight and single mothers and most of the rest of the 20% are one of those things. However, I'd say only 20% of men in the pof pond in my area are dateable to me and of those 20% men, very few are actually looking for dating, they just want casual sex. So the few guys that are decent and want to date, the y have the pick of most of the women on pof.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 120 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/9/2018 10:30:43 PM
Well, if it was in real life you might know the person and then you can know what you are up against.

I think in leagues because its always been obvious to me that I don't rank highly in the department. I've been bypassed for prettier girls too many times to count. And guys I've liked have never called me pretty or beautiful or anything like that. I've always felt like a plain Jane and I tried to step it up. Guys I haven't been interested in have said nice things to me but I tried to like them and it doesn't work. You can't make yourself like someone. Endless_Summer_Nights, your story about that girl you were seeing resonated with me because I've felt like that woman a few times. I think in those instances the guys liked me enough for friendship and some sex but I wasn't anyone they were interested in for a girlfriend because I wasn't attractive enough for them. I have had guys who have flirted with me or befriended me who never ever initiated being seen with me as a couple. A guy in high school was a good friend when we weren't around other people but at school I was ignored. A co-worked of mine back in the day was such a good friend at work, he flirted constantly and we were very close but as soon as we weren't at work he barely acknowledged me and he ended up dating two of my friends. My first boyfriend, I never met any of his friends or family and he never met any of mine but it wasn't my choice, it was his. The only guy I ever met friends and family of was a guy I was embarrassed of.

I am very careful to hide my insecurities about my looks because I know insecurities are unattractive. But I've been testing the waters a while now and not ever sensing mutual attraction. Also, there have been a couple guys that were really into me but I was just not attracted enough to them so I empathize with those who are not likely attracted to them and I feel bad about them being put in a position to reject me.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 116 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/9/2018 3:06:05 PM
Online dating is mostly about looks, at least when it comes to first dates.

I really really wish real life offered up opportunities to meet someone. Because if someone was to ask you out in real life, at least you would know they like your looks/personality before they meet you. Instead you have no idea whether they like your looks before you go on a first date/meetup. They may like your photo but photos only give them an idea of what you look like.

I have experienced it so many times that a guy I meet online really seems to like me and then boom we meet and he is less than enthusiastic afterwards. I know our personalities click because we have had great conversations on the phone beforehand (I never meet anyone until we've talked a couple of times) so I know it has to be my looks which is the problem. And even if there's not a problem, before meeting, I always anticipate that he won't like my looks. And even if he wants to continue to see me, I still think/wonder if he doesn't really like my looks that much. If we had at least met before we did a first date/meetup and then he had asked me out then I wouldn't have that worry. It would be great if we could see pictures of the people they dated previously, to give you an ideal of what league of girl they date. Honestly, then I can compare myself to the girl(s) they were previously with and I could decide where I'd rank in looks with them. Of course, when you find out the girls they dated are much much more prettier than you, you know you don't have a chance with them and it's better to know ahead of time. My biggest concern is dating someone above what I think I can get, I try hard to pick guys I think I can realistically get.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 28 (view)
 
How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/5/2018 8:44:52 AM
I think its good to have a joint chequing account and savings count with each person having their own individual chequing and savings account. All income gets pooled into the joint chequing account with equal amounts getting put into individual savings and chequing accounts. I had this system for years although it never worked because we never had any extra money to put into individual accounts. Extra money was just diverted to debt repayments.

My mom's 2nd marriage they had separate accounts. But my mom was always broke. She always worked fulltime but basically after paying half the bills and for groceries and gas to work and stuff for us kids, she didn't have anything left for anything else. My stepdad made triple what she did. He was always buying himself stuff, going on expensive hunting trips, driving new trucks, wearing new name brand clothes and the like. My mom always drove an old minivan and shopped for her clothes at the thrift store. He would pay for them to go on nice vacations though because she couldn't afford them, we kids never got to go on any though. There was always an awkwardness in the household, he had more power and got to make all the decisions because he had the money. I remember there being a big fight one year because he wanted to buy new livingroom furniture. She wanted input on deciding which furniture to buy, he picked stuff she hated and told her his money so his decision. And there was a lot of little things like that. They split as soon as my youngest brother graduated and left home. My mom was tired of living in a house that wasn't hers, because even after living 11 years with him, she still felt like it wasn't her home.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 88 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 6:41:55 PM
Okay, I guess influence is a better word than determine.

Is it just that some of you quit caring so much about what other people think of you as you get older? When you were my age (35) did you care more then?
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 18 (view)
 
How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 2:41:57 PM
So in a situation in which one person is a stay-at-home parent or their income is only enough to pay their half of the rent/groceries/etc., does that mean the other person gets to save up for their own retirement, buy a new vehicle, go on a night out, etc. while the other person does not because they have a lower income? Almost all the couples I know, the husband makes twice or more the income of his wife. Kids change things. If the relationship is truly equal, than incomes should be combined.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 82 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 2:35:17 PM
We all let other people determine our self-worth. Be it your mother or father or brother or friend or husband or wife or child. People who think they are free of caring how other people feel about them are full of shite. Many lonely people are full of self-loathing and to cope, they start loathing other people. Those people become hermits.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 14 (view)
 
How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 12:04:27 PM
If you have kids together, it's pretty difficult to keep separate accounts, especially if one spouse cuts down on work to raise children or quits their job altogether. Almost every woman I know either had to change jobs/positions, lessen the amount of hours they work or become a stay-at-home parent due to childcare reasons Not to mention the year of mat leave taken at 55% income.

Now that I've had my kids, I would keep separate accounts and not make them joint. My kids = my expenses. But if I was to (theoretically) meet someone and have additional children with them, then it would be joint income/expenses.

Of course overall household income is the big deciding factor. When combined incomes are still really low and all money goes to expenses, it is very difficult to maintain separate accounts.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 74 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 6:53:29 AM
Some people let themselves become bitter or they just give up. This forum is full of such people. I get a lot of flack because I don't want to be alone. I'm not pursuing a relationship right now but I tried a casual relationship thing because I did want sex and companionship. Didn't work for me though because bottom line is I want someone to share my life with. I think its scary realising you want that and it comes with all these feelings of self-doubt and cynicism. It's very easy to let those things drag you down.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 7 (view)
 
How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 6:47:30 AM
I think it depends in which way someone is financially cheating. Sometimes one person has the forsight to save money (set it aside) so that it builds over time while the other person is a spender and if they know the money is there they spend it. I honestly think its okay for the person in the relationship who is better with money to hide a savings account or two. Some people are just spenders and not capable/willing of saving. I used to always try and save money but my ex would spend money knowing the savings were there so I would always have to tap into my savings. I tried having a hidden account but after I had to tap into that at one point to pay rent then he figured it out and always counted on that. He was raised in a lower class household where there was never any money, he never ever had an allowance, so when he had money he spent it because he grew up not having money to spend. I on the other hand, went through good and bad financial times growing up so I understood the reward of savings. I think the financial stuff is important to learn as children. I used to save up my allowances as a kid to buy a big purchase. When my brothers and I were kids, every spring my dad let us purchase a weaned calf at auction. We would pasture it and look after it for the summer and fall then sell it at the auction at the end of October. We would double our money. So in doing this we learned about the potential rewards of investments.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 54 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 1:58:15 PM
Going back to the topic of this thread, I have to agree with the guy who said FWB is like the female equivalent of getting friendzoned. Why do men want to FWB with someone rather than a relationship? Looks are one reason. From what I've read, the reason a lot of men FWB a girl rather than pursuing a relationship is they do not think the girl is good enough for them to present as his girlfriend to his friends and family. Reason 1 is looks. Reason 2 is reputation. Reason 3 is personality. The OP asked if looks matter and I will say definitely. And for each person, they are looking for someone who presents themselves a certain way, which includes looks and behaviour. If you are having trouble finding a girlfriend, you are presenting yourself in a way that does not appeal to the specific women you are aiming for. You have two options:

1 - Change yourself to someone who present's themself in a way that more appeals to the women you are aiming to attract (in other words STEP UP YOUR GAME

or

2) Stay exactly who you are and aim for women more likely to be attracted to (BE HAPPY WITH WHO YOU ARE AND SET MORE REALISTIC GOALS)
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 52 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 1:39:59 PM
Oops, I did not mean to hijack the man's post. It started cause Somewhere-in-Strasophere asked me about my fwb situation and I answered her. I'm really not trying to hog all the threads but when I post my opinion someone suddenly points out my situatiin and then I end up defending my position. Go back to the first page of this thread and you will see that I was not the one to bring it up. My apologies.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 219 (view)
 
what is so wrong with a single dad?
Posted: 12/1/2018 1:31:09 PM
NoFearLion, you are a deluded idiot who is unwelcome here at the forums due to your rude comments and outrageous opinions. You've been deleted a few times now yet keep coming back. Please, just put us all out of our misery and exit the forums on a permanent basis.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 38 (view)
 
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 12/1/2018 10:14:15 AM
Haven't you ever watched characters in movies and tv shows yelling at each other all angry and stuff and then boom, they start making out and having sex?
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 49 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/1/2018 10:09:11 AM
Do any of you honestly think I'm ready for a relationship? I do not. I specifically said way back in May that I'm going to try the FWB thing. I had way too many things going on in my life (financial, residential, legally, etc.) but I was lonely and I needed someone to talk to and comfort me physically and I found what I was looking for. It got me through that horrible 3 weeks in June when my ex kidnapped my kids and it got me though a lot of stress all through the summer and fall. He came along when I needed him and now as a very stressful chapter is closing in my life, he is gone. Sometimes people are in your life for a season and a reason. I learned something from all this, I learned what it is I really want and he awoken a passion in me for sex that I really didn't have before. For me, sex was always meh and I more wanted sex for the cuddles and physical closeness, not for the actual sex act itself. Now I'm just worried I will never have such a good lover. What if I was introduced to good sex only to never get to experience it again...

So, when will I be ready to pursue a relationship? The financial stuff is now resolved as I got my child tax benefits reinstated. I was able to catch up on my debt payments and now I actually have money to go out because I can afford babysitters and a new outfit here or there. My legal stuff is fairly settled as I have primary residence for custody and visitation for him has been determined (no child support, but I was not expecting to get any). And I got that new position at work locally and I have finally been able to register for parttime certification classes due to now having the money for it. The only piece of the puzzle now is the residential one. I'm going to take the next 5 months to pay off as much of my lawyer bills as possible and really hoping/wishing/praying I can find a place for May 1 for my kids and I to move into so I will no longer be at my mom's. I know I should stay away from guys and dating till then but I know myself too well. Come Christmas holidays and with my kids gone two weeks, I will probably end up back on pof looking for someone to talk to. But there is a difference now than from last time. I won't sleep with someone right away. That being said, I've never not slept with someone right away so I really have to stick to my guns on this. It's about battling the inner me who is scared that if I don't sleep with a guy immediately that he will lose interest in me but I have to remember that I am worth waiting a little for and if a guy can't see that then he's not worth it. It's a thought process that is going on and I need to work on it.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 463 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 12/1/2018 9:39:47 AM
The emphasis should be on doing God's work (caring for the poor, the sick, the downtrodden) rather than conversion. Like Mother Theresa who with her order cared for people regardless of religion and did not set out to convert them. But help must be wanted, not forced upon.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 35 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 11/30/2018 11:08:08 PM
We talked last night and had really really good sex. I would not say I'm being used at all because he is a pretty damn good lover and put a lot of effort into making me feel good and these past 5 months he was always texting me to ask me how I was doing and we were there for each other to talk about our mutual messy divorce/custody issues and a lot about our kids and stuff. I was getting stuff out of it too and I am the one who initiated the fwb thing as well. We talked about a few things and I found out he hasn't been sleeping with other women for the while, not since June actually which surprised me. And we said our goodbyes but we didn't really say goodbyes, we said we'd be friends and I think we will be. I can honestly say that I truly believe he does care about me, even if not necessarily romantically. I think moving far away was always a very likely possibility and he kept things casual as a result.

Regarding a fwb relationship, I've talked to a few people and they agree with me, that fwb does not entail going out together anywhere. As soon as you go out together anywhere, suddenly the whole town is thinking you are dating. Maybe in smaller towns, that is a major difference. Plus, between us, we always had our kids so logistically, it was easier not to go out. My mom was home in bed with my kids in bed when I'd go over to his place and his kids were in bed. I think both of us were just in the same places in our lives, neither in a position to be in a relationship but both of us wanting/needing companionship.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 35 (view)
 
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 11/30/2018 12:37:21 AM
Hate sex is when you really thoroughly hate someone and you put all your energy into having sex with them. Full of angry passion, only good if both people share the same passion. When too people dislike each other but when serious sexual tension develops.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 38 (view)
 
How long did it take to get your divorce/separation finalized and move on with your life?
Posted: 11/29/2018 8:47:54 PM
He wasn't a drinker though. He actually never drank when we were together, apparently before we were together he got quite violent drinking but that was before my time with him.
 julystorm22
Joined: 6/15/2018
Msg: 22 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 11/29/2018 8:44:40 PM
He's moving this weekend. I'm gonna say goodbye to him tonight. Yes, I have feelings but nothing will ever come of it. I'll probably be inwardly depressed and sad for a few weeks but not a soul will know it except for the people on this forum. I'm pretty good at hiding my emotions when I have to and I'll put on a happy face.

I knew the risk of fwb was that I would likely get hurt because I'd get attached. Now its happened and no use complaining. He was never my boyfriend, we never 3ver went out on a date, he has slept with other women these past 5 months so I'm obviously not important to him. I will miss him a lot. I am just grateful that a guy like him ever paid me so much attention. We will remain friends, we friended each other on Facebook so at least I'll get to know what happens to him in life rather than just never knowing.
 
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