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 Author Thread: Ever been turned on by a person's accent?
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 81 (view)
Ever been turned on by a person's accent?
Posted: 2/4/2013 6:57:35 PM
Yah, there are certain accents that have me thinking I could listen to this woman talk about stocks and be in heaven. To be honest, it doesn't really even have to be an accent either. I could listen to Alix Spiegel all night long, just thinking about her voice gives me shivers. NPR for the win.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 39 (view)
Do you ever look at the Profile of the SAME SEX??
Posted: 2/4/2013 6:44:36 PM
Been tempted to create a fake profile so that I can do some "research" but haven't. Well, there was one time I looked at a pre-op transgender. I didn't know it at the time. Hope she found someone more accepting than I.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 30 (view)
Would you be upset if your SO did this?
Posted: 2/4/2013 6:31:35 PM
Let me look at it in the most pro-this guy look.

He could just be giving advice. Maybe he gives good advice, even in a non threatening manner. After all, he's living with his girlfriend, he'd have to be married to be any more non threatening. Legal advice could just mean advice on how to proceed with a divorce. It doesn't have to do with this form or that letter, it could literally be advice about if the woman should feel bad about demanding to keep the toaster.

His reaction could be another story, however... He realizes how this looks. He sounds like he may do this a number of times. Maybe he's defensive and thinks of it as one of his traits. Nonnegotiable trait even. "I get along with new people really well and have had good luck on giving women a male perspective on their break ups." Sounds fishy, right? Well, yah, it does, but its not totally unrealistic. He probably does feel guilty for putting his SO through that uncertainty, but he could be debating this whole thing in his head every other minute and came to the conclusion that he's not doing anything wrong and its wrong for you to make assumptions. When you asked him if he was talking to her, all those debates he had in his head came up. It doesn't matter if you just asked him if he said hello to her when he walked by her on the street, to him it could have implied that you brought up all the accusations that he knows you could be thinking.

Now, with this best case scenario, what can we conclude? Well, he's got an issue or two. What a previous post said, if someone brought up your question to me, I'd tease them about being jealous then proceed to dish out a lot of affection to reassure my SO. That'd be a reasonable mature response. I'd also try to find a way to include you in this "legal advice relationship." Maybe ask you about your opinion on this other woman's problem.

So even if this situation is something blown out of proportion, his getting defensive immediately off an apparently innocent question means that he realizes what it could look like. His threatening to end your relationship because of the question makes me thing that he's either got some unresolved insecurities, he is cheating on you, or you've been nagging the f*ck out of him and he knew where the conversation was going to go. Seems you've already decided that no matter what the answer is, it wasn't worth the work it would have taken to get through it.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 9 (view)
Outdoor nudity
Posted: 2/2/2013 12:43:53 PM

I've been to some of these places and you know what? None of the people there were people anyone wanted to see with their clothes off.

There's two different ideas happening here. One is the freedom to go without your clothes as long as you're not being lewd/using it to be aroused or arousal. The second thing is what Stu says. Its all about showing off your stuff. I think when we discuss this it should be clear what we're discussing. Is being nude another way of wearing a tight dress/jeans/etc or is it freedom to let it all hang out? Not that it isn't going to work both ways in the beginning, but when we say its our freedom, then the whole arousal thing is eventually going to fade and the quote above won't matter.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 22 (view)
Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 2/2/2013 12:39:23 PM
I've got a lot of conflicting things to say about this...

Dated a gal a long time ago that we'd start to get intimate and she'd stop it before we got too intimate. After awhile I told her that if she wasn't ready that was cool and if she wanted me to stop at any point she could tell me or continue on how we were doing it. We continued on. She basically gave me consent to keep trying as long as neither of us was going to get upset over it. I don't know if it was that or something else but it was a huge turn on.

Lately I've been trying to stick to the idea that what she actually *says* is what she means. In other words, I'll play dumb. If she tells me that she doesn't want to have sex, then gets naked and starts rubbing up against me, I'll call her out on it. "Not that I mind this, but didn't you say you didn't want to have sex? This whole situation is kind of giving me mixed signals."

I get the feeling that a lot of women want to be chased but not caught (or maybe I just don't chase long enough or at all?). I don't like it. If I seem too eager they put me at arms length, if I play a little colder they start warming up to me. I consider that mind games and generally give up on it. I don't want to have to read your mind.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 999 (view)
Double standard on Oral?
Posted: 2/2/2013 12:11:50 PM
I always love the idea of women giving me head but its only about half the time that its any good. However, as a guy, its rare thing that I'm not going to climax so its not really all that big of a deal if she doesn't want to go down on me. As a sense of fair play, I'd feel uncomfortable going down on a woman that wasn't willing to go down on me.

On that side of things... I'm not that horribly great in bed, so when it comes to going down on a woman, well, if I don't I've just lost about 60% of my ability. I've dated a number of women that don't want me to go down on them. Or told me they don't want to be on top (where I'm more likely to not cum as quickly). Start limiting my options and yah, I'm a shitty lover.

I wouldn't say I "love" going down on a woman, but would I rather be eating an attractive woman out right now than sitting here and writing this response? Hell yah.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
37 single and no clue how to date anymore
Posted: 1/31/2013 7:44:01 AM
I'm going to be a****and say: Its really not that tough.

When you're messaging back and forth talk about their comfort levels. Give them options. "You want to meet up for coffee or drinks? How about a meal? I could cook you up some fantastic mashed potatoes, but maybe we should save that for a second or third date."

If you want to get inventive, try wine tasting, bowling, museums, or a zoo. If you're worried that you're going to suggest the wrong thing and it'll be a hit or miss, don't. Women are people too and understand (usually) that you can't read their mind.

On the date try to be a gentleman. I'm not all that good at this, but I've had some luck with getting to open the door ahead of time. I usually date pretty liberal/feminist women too, and I have yet to offend anyone by doing this (and I'd like to think that any women that would be offended is going to be outspoken enough to tell me the first time I do it).

Don't expect sex on the first date. Be prepared, but don't expect it. My theory is that when you're not expecting it is when you're probably most likely to get it. Its just a theory though! There's been a time or two when being I've noticed some reluctance to get intimate with a woman and said something along the lines of "hey, we don't have to do anything" and believed it, only to be having sex shortly after.

Try to have fun. I think women are more attractive when they're having fun than when they're trying to be sexy and I'd like to think the opposite is true. Be positive.

That's all I got right now, although, not sure I should be the one giving advice. After all, I'm single!
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 22 (view)
30's = Time to Loosen Up One's Standards?
Posted: 1/31/2013 7:08:11 AM
This may be more complicated than it seems and I'm probably not going to make sense in my explanation, but here goes.

Some folks think that divorced people are jaded. Some folks think that someone over the age of 30 who hasn't been married yet are never going to commit. Don't put "divorced" or "never married" on your litmus test because you're really not caring about that. You're worried about "jaded" or "fear of commitment." Those are legit show stoppers. Its going to be harder to figure those things out, but these are the traits you're actually worried about/looking for.

My standards change day in and day out, its a damn swing set. I'm not proud of it! But generally the things that stay on my "has to be" list are not about what's happened in the past, but what is the reality today.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 52 (view)
need help MEN please..
Posted: 1/31/2013 6:55:21 AM
Right right, get a dog. Don't kid yourself. When there's ever any issue with someone's intention, go by what they said and act accordingly. If you want FWB by all means, go for it, but again, don't kid yourself.

But yah, get a dog, cause...

> love spooning with my dog

It happens, its great. A big dog is better in my opinion!
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 72 (view)
what do women think of a man who tries to get it on first date
Posted: 1/31/2013 6:21:17 AM
I dated a girl from another site for a few months and on her profile it said she wanted to date a christian man. So I immediately wrote her off. I mean, I'm not a christian, so I don't want to waste either of our times. She later explained to me this was to ward off some of the creepers.

I think the same thing happens with women saying they don't want to have sex on the first date. What they're really saying is, don't expect it. I've had sex on a number of first dates and not had sex on about an equal number. On all the times that I have "gotten lucky" on that first time I always was in the mindset that I wanted to see this gal again. I don't think I'd have sex with a gal that I wasn't into unless it was pretty clear about what it was (ie "Not really into you all that much, want to go back to your place, screw, and go our separate ways?") - that never really happens though!

Maybe its just that the particular woman wants to be reassured that when she does get the famous****pics or "wanna f*ck tonight" email she can be assured that, indeed, this person didn't take the time to read her profile and doesn't deserve any response. Not that even without the disclaimer against it that those messages deserve a response, but she can feel more justified ignoring them. As its been said before, though, too much negativity on your profile can be a turn off. I've seen whole paragraphs devoted to "I'm not looking for a one night stand or FWB blah blah blah." Yah, I understand, but really, can we move on? Mature adults realize that even without saying it, sex takes two consenting adults and is not implied.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 34 (view)
I think she's stealing from me...
Posted: 12/28/2012 2:29:50 PM
I guess if you're not sure do what previous people said and get a nanny cam or whatever. If she's worth it. I don't think it'd be hard to be sure without it though, but I don't know your living arrangements. I agree that its not about the blu-rays, its about her stealing from you. It doesn't matter what the item was, its more about respect.

Now here's another side to the coin. You're both young, and stealing may be a fun (to her) thing that she does occasionally. She was drunk, it happened. Maybe she regrets it now. Who's gunna fess up to that? Hell, maybe she doesn't even remember doing it herself (may want to give her that out and see if she comes up with the discs ("Omg, where did these come from?!"). What I'm saying is that maybe a relationship with her isn't totally out of the question, but unless this gal is something else, signs like that would steer me away. I mean, there are more fish in the sea that you don't have to put your money on someone that's already giving you signs that they don't respect you.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 43 (view)
Dating 6 months now, and her gay male friend is moving into her bedroom!
Posted: 12/28/2012 2:15:30 PM
So you're uncomfortable because she's sleeping with an ex, even though she says and has some justification to say that she's not having sex with him. Sounds legit. You have told her that you're uncomfortable right? Have you offered up your place for those five days a month for her to sleep with you? That seems to be the easiest solution.

As some previous responders have already said, if you're not comfortable with this and she's not willing to compromise, sounds like you two shouldn't be together. Hell, one or both of you could be doing this just to give the excuse of breaking this eff'ed up relationship apart.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 29 (view)
Should I feel guilty here...
Posted: 12/28/2012 2:00:53 PM
Maybe my advice shouldn't be considered because, well... No physical intimacy? Seems like that's a large part of a relationship.

But anyway, you shouldn't feel guilty. He wrote the rules, you're just living in them. If you should be feeling bad its for not having the "talk" about you wanting to take it another step or leaving it altogether. And if you're having fun, then its alright for a single lady to have an activity partner that you flirt with.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
Friend Wants Advice
Posted: 12/28/2012 1:53:47 PM
Maybe I'm the dissenting opinion here. I think he's nervous because of the wedding and is looking for an excuse to cancel it.

I don't think its all that great for you to share everything with your S/O either. Saying you find someone else attractive can be okay at some times, but devastating at other times.

From just what you said he hasn't done anything completely wrong yet. He's flirted with the idea of cheating, but hasn't cheated. I think he should distance himself from this 2 week girl until he's over his wedding jitters and maybe figure out some way to be with his fiance more, something like "this isn't working for me, I need to see you more."

Maybe, though, this is an excuse to cancel the wedding because of other reasons. In that case he should be honest with himself and his fiance and come out with the real reason. The grass appearing greener on the other side seems pretty weak to me.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
Allright, Give it to me.
Posted: 7/19/2011 7:08:46 PM
All of your pics are grainy, like you took it with a digital camera from 10 years ago. If you can't fix them, use the smiling picture as your main.

The rest is decent. You mix your About Me and First Date stuff up, but I don't think anyone really cares too much about that.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 6 (view)
Review please
Posted: 7/19/2011 7:16:33 AM

I understand that the profile is perceived as boring but how exactly would I make it more interesting?
If we knew that we wouldn't be single. How are you more interesting?
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
I'd like to get my profile reviewed!
Posted: 7/19/2011 7:08:40 AM
Pictures: Yah, they're good. Like the other poster said, maybe some (more) captions, possibly dates on them to let gals know if its been years since you looked like that.

Interests: Good work there too. I was going to think that Knowledge and Thinking are pretty much the same thing, but really, it doesn't matter to a computer who's trying to match up like interests.

About Me: Like a resume, you don't want it to be a wall of text. Add a blank line between paragraphs. I say this a lot to people that I review.

I am also pleased when I work out but so far it has been somewhat complicated the 'eat healthy' part- since I eat at work I don't have too many options, in fact I have only two: I eat or I don't :-/ and I usually chose the first one unless there is fish to eat.
Work out and eat are two different things and you slide from work out to eat like they're the same thing. "...has been somewhat complicated the 'eat healthy' part-' I have no idea what you're saying here. I think you need to end a sentence and start another properly, otherwise it doesn't read well. You also make it sound like eating at work is unhealthy. Its not *inherently* unhealthy. I eat very well at work. Why is eating at your work not eating healthy? Maybe your two options should be "eat unhealthy or don't eat at all." That would tell my your food options aren't all that healthy at work. You usually chose to eat unless there's fish to eat? Then you chose not to eat? I guess it works if that's what you actually mean, but again, it reads really awkward. Even if you hate fish.

I am Argentinian
English is a second language? Or at least the US dialect? This would explain a lot, although really doesn't change what I'm going to say or have said. Anyway...

I get on best
I'm assuming that California is not that much different speaking than Wisconsin, and "I get on best" is not a common phrase. 'I get along best' is much more clear, but still makes you sound foreign (which may not be a bad thing). If you want to sound more natural you'd probably want something like "I like people who.." or "I get along with people who are..."

This is just a pet-peeve of mine. You say you get (along) well with people who are assertive but then state you're looking for someone who's laid back. I see versions of this all the time where people say they're a "go getter" but then later say they're "laid back." Its kind of mutually exclusive or combinations that don't go together. You can't be tall and short at the same time, in other words. That's just me and your example is not nearly as bad as some I've read. (I like to stay in and like to go out... ffs, which do you prefer?!)

First Date: This is good. You've combined a "whatever works" (which is usually a cop out in this section) with specific examples.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 12 (view)
Profile review, finally getting the right responses... ;)
Posted: 7/19/2011 6:50:04 AM
Don't get me wrong. Its funny. But you've stepped over the line of confident and entered****. Oh, and I haven't even read your profile, but if its anything like your hypothetical email, then all this still applies.

You're the ***hole in the movie. You might not be the villain, but you're the guy that the girl falls for before realizing you're going to treat her like crap and she ends up with the hero of our story. Ever see the movie _Sex Drive_? Your the friend that comes along for the ride in that movie. This isn't an insult, that dude gets laid throughout the movie, but that's my impression of you in this thread. Maybe, like you said in the OP, that's why you're getting all the wrong ladies.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
TMI? Less is more?
Posted: 7/19/2011 6:34:00 AM
Pictures: You've got a couple with you holding the camera to the mirror in the bathroom. I've heard multiple people say this is bad. I don't think getting rid of them is going to help but maybe having better ones to replace it would. Unlike the previous poster, I like the picture of you with the woman, but I'd make her smiley face, as if this could be you and you'd be happy, not bored! I really don't understand the joke with the hoody picture/caption.

Interests: Anything that doesn't come up in blue text is not searchable or won't match you up and vice versa with gals like do the same thing. Such as spectacular weather is not going to match you up with some 41 year old hot blonde who put watching storms. It's a two way street, but at least think about holding up your end there. You've got enough there that its not a big deal, but might want to think about it if the ones that aren't are something you really like.

About Me: I can't stress enough how intimidating your text looks. I haven't even started to read it and I'm kind of dreading it. Add lines of spaces between your paragraphs and it'll look a lot more friendly.

Well intentioned , optimistic. Sexy bohemian professional, strong, genuine, modest, ;) good physique, fun loving, passionate, caring, good libido, irreverent, possessing a quick wit and slight edge and no lack of adjectives when talking about me me me.
You don't say? From this I realize that you're not modest, you don't even pretend to fake it. "Sexy", "passionate", and "good libido" can be or are references to sex. Generally you want to *try* to keep that on a low-down. I'd just get rid of "good libido." If you don't, ffs take off "modest." Really when you start listing off more than three adjectives you lose me. What are your main ones. Modesty, quick wit, slight edge, well intentioned, optimisitc, and genuine can all be shown in your profile without having to say it. They also tend to be things that are "in the eyes of the beholder."

I want one woman only, someone good to me, never to be taken for granted.
Who's not going to be taken for granted?
-never to take each other for granted.
-who would never take me for granted.
-who I would never take for granted.
Its not a big deal, but your whole profile reads like this. Ever watch lord of the rings? Remember pretty boy elf guy with the white hair? Legolas or whoever. Every one of his lines in those movies is some corny catch phrase. Yah, your profile is like that.

I enjoy hiking, or whatever you call walks in the woods.
People call that hiking. Your whatever line makes me want to tell you not to be a dumbass.

Im a a Little League Dad
Here's a good time to mention your grammer. Put a space after each period (or two), after each comma, etc etc. Remember to use ' on all your I'ms, can'ts, you'res, etc. I'd actually say the spacing is the most important part, it makes it easier to read. If you hadn't figured it out, the quote above needs to remove an 'a'.

Site says I have no fish personality. Fish Chow wasn't available.
huh? Not the joke, I'm sure I'd get the joke if I understood why (this?) site says you have no personality. By the way, do you like avoiding the pronoun in the beginning of the sentence? Its alright once or twice, but you use it so much it becomes work filling in the assumed in my head.

card to be redeemed by gr
Is this part of the joke? That we're not supposed to know how to redeem the card? Or does "gr" mean something? It started funny, the punch line sucks.

get matching tattoos after cleaning my basement.
Maybe its just not my type of humor, but this was dumb. Don't be a dumbass?

Sorry if I came off a little harsh. I tend to do that every once in a while. Your profile again reads like a bunch of cliche's. This might work, but when I look at it subjectively I just view you in a bad light. At least space the paragraphs out so I have a little rest for my eyes when I'm reading it.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
Help... I think my profile needs some work!!
Posted: 7/19/2011 5:59:59 AM
Don't make the picture of you and your niece the main photo. It's centered around her. I almost thought I was going to be looking at a profile of a brown haired girl and wondered how you came up with the the name bigred.

Like the last guy said, get rid of the picture with you and the blond unless there's some caption about how's she's related to you. Or send her my way. just sayin'.

There's a few things in your description that I'd tidy up, but nothing that really is going to make or break it. Just one that I'd point out...

and punk (not hardcore but).
Either have "(not hardcore though)" or "(but not hardcore)." The but(t) on the end is not attractive!
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 11 (view)
Profile review please!
Posted: 7/19/2011 5:48:14 AM

Why is there a picture of you sleeping?
I actually read somewhere that having a picture of you sleeping is a good idea as it shows you looking vulnerable. Good to know that this article is another one that's full of crap.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 16 (view)
Your child with you on your profile picture good/bad?
Posted: 7/19/2011 5:44:32 AM
I find it odd that callmeken says something about using your kid to pick up women is a douchy thing to do but here he has his guineau pig (adorable) doing the same thing. I see nothing wrong with having a picture or two of you and your kids and it would be somewhat hypocritical of me as most of my pictures have one or both of my pets in it.

Your main picture should be a little a head shot though, and I haven't really seen a good head shot photo with a kid in it. That's not a horrible sin, but its something to think aobut.

(side note, peppermint made the same point as callmeken and isn't hypocritical about it, but I'm still gunna stick to my guns and saying having a picture of you with your kid is just showing that this is who you are).
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 69 (view)
Guys, Have you ever done this? Should I believe my boyfriend?
Posted: 7/17/2011 6:45:29 AM
Its not just that he uses a condom to jerk off. Its that he used soooo many. If one condom was missing, no big deal, but that many? Most of the posts here that said its not totally unheard of also said it was rare.

I have heard of women putting a condom on a hair brush handle and using that, that even seems more plausible than what this guy is claiming he does.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 100 (view)
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/17/2011 6:41:14 AM
Thx for the explanation, WomanInProgress, I thinks I gets it now. I think I can even understand why there are pushy guys (that you aren't giving positive signals to) approaching you. Just reading your profile has me mentally drawn to you. No idea why. Maybe its like a challenge.

Anyway, this is somewhat on topic, but generally when I'm out seeing a bar band or whatever, dancing and drinking the night away, I try to read signals but that's not always that easy when you're just another figure in the crowd. Generally when I make the first move and strike out, that's my swing for the night. I don't feel all that comfortable going for "she didn't say yes to a dance, maybe someone else." That's just me though, right? I should man up and not worry that if I ask 2-3 on a given night I'm not just trolling the waters?

Now if its swing dancing, I'll ask until I get a yes...
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 17 (view)
What so you do when you don't know what to say and why?
Posted: 7/13/2011 6:55:47 PM

Another experiment, sit extra close to him, and see how he reacts.
I like this idea, or better yet, try zeus's approach. Stick your hand down his pants.

Wait, why is there obviously only going to be friendship with this guy? Maybe you shouldn't stick you hands down his pants. Although that would be a friendly gesture. Nothing like having a good, close, intimate friendship.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 17 (view)
Do Men have a No Fly Zone ?
Posted: 7/13/2011 6:48:35 PM
>Buying tampons : Sure
>holding purse: I can do that
>picking out a romantic comedy: I'm the king of movies, I knows my stuffs, I can do this
>Their Laundry: no

Let me explain. My laundry gets sorted into two things. Colors and not colors. Two buttons on the machine I have to worry about (hot or cold). Maybe its not the way with all women but usually there's some assumed knowledge of the toughness of fabric that I just don't get and some weird settings on the machine that I just don't want to know about. And yah, if I got complaints about how I folded anyone else's laundry I'd never do their laundry again (just as if I wouldn't complain about how they folded my laundry; its just a bonus that they did fold it!).

>My Laundry: sure, if you really wanted to do my laundry, go nuts.
>Watching a Twilight movie with them: You have to get me drunk first/during it
>Watching another romantic flick: See Twilight reference.

>Meat: I eat it. You don't have to. If you don't eat it, I probably will rarely ever cook for you. I'm sorry, I'm a simplistic cook and meat is usually bread and butter to the process. I will not stop eating it for you. I even get annoyed at that christian lent thing. Its worse than not eating, its like a trick. I cooked, wait, why can't you eat it? Tricksie christian changing up the rules.

>Shopping: Spent 5-6 hours at a steinhoffels on day with a woman that I was in a committed relationship with. I was pissed. 3 hours tops to see every god damn piece of furniture in that store but I don't know what was in that pea sized head of hers that she had to spend 3 more hours there. I stopped looking with her after 2 hours, hung out at the recliners. Sat there for another hour or so, almost fell asleep, then asked her what the hell was taking her so long, and she said it wasn't going to be that much longer (lie). 2 hours, 3 if I'm interested in the stuff too. If I'm shopping for my nerd computer parts and you're there, I'm going to get it and get out, out of respect for you. I know you're not interested in it, I don't want you to have to wait and be bored. If I had to shop around, one hour tops, then I'd realize it wasn't the day to get whatever and bail on the whole thing.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 41 (view)
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/13/2011 6:29:20 PM

Out of respect for my wife I never accepted a friend request from a former girlfriend. When looking at her page it was filled with former boyfriends and I noticed if she saw that I had any contact with a women that she became over top jealous.
The problem was not with her having contact with former boyfriends. I should say the red flag was not that, it was her getting jealous over your possible contact. Because she was cheating, she assumed that if you were having contact you'd be cheating as well. That's typical 101 cheating. I have a few ex's that I'm friends with on facebook. Dear lord most of my highschool class is on facebook/friends.

If you can't trust a person to not fool around with ex's, then you shouldn't be dating them. Possibly because they're not trustworthy, but more likely because you can't trust. I don't know how you'd solve that personal issue.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 40 (view)
boyfriend still goes on pof
Posted: 7/13/2011 6:22:57 PM

>Three months does not a relationship make
Not quite on topic, but why is this thought process so prevalent? If i was seeing a guy (exclusively) for 3 months i'd be expecting it to be called a relationship... How long do people "see" each other before they actually believe they have a relationship? I'd be p1ssed as hell if 3 months in i found out he was still contacting others.

I could see it if they hadn't talked about being exclusive. I understand that to some people three months isn't really a commitment. However, I see nothing wrong with being exclusive after three months. Its not like you've sworn off dating anyone else ever, just that while you're dating this person you're not looking or dating anyone else. In other words you've put both feet in and are ready to pursue it further. There's nothing wrong with that, imho.

(there's also nothing wrong with someone saying that they're not ready for that commitment after three months).
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 1 (view)
What's your sign?
Posted: 7/12/2011 6:02:49 PM
Way back when I was in high school I went downtown on a friday night to this street where apparently all the kids hung out all the time.

Followed some friends in, ditched them and their hick friends (I won't go into the details there, but not sure getting in a fight with four hick guys would have been a good thing).

So wandering about this short girl, out of the blue (maybe I just didn't think to look down so she surprised me) came up to me. Without preamble she introduced her self quickly and asked me my sign. At this point I'm wondering if I'm being hit on, but answered quickly. To keep the conversation going I asked why she was asking.

"There was something about a pisces in my fortune today."

Yah, I thought, I'm being hit on. Just as I'm clueless looking for a witty comeback (and seriously, it may have taken some time but she really didn't let it play out), she left and I never saw her again in my life. I guess her fortune must have been:

"You'll meet a pisces today; run away!"
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 85 (view)
Is dating in your 30's a DEAD ZONE????
Posted: 7/12/2011 5:53:38 PM

....and I have been on nothing I can call a date. I have no excuse I suck.
That I think would be a positive thing. Wait, what? nvm.

What are we talking about? Oh, having a hard time dating over 30. I think when you're in your 20's you're looking for the perfect date. What you see in the movies. Once you're over that threshold you start thinking about what you actually want to do. A gal asked me the other day if I was interested in meeting her, maybe take my dog on a walk. Yah, I'm puddy. But maybe I'm easy. Stomach, back (rub), and dog are an easy 'yes' for me.

To further this, though, nearly every time I've asked "hey, how about this or that day we go to this or that event" it ends up being a scheduling problem. I guess it'd be easier if I worked a normal 9 to 5 job and was hitting on other normal 9 to 5 gals.

LeMonaLisa, you're gorgeous, I have a hard time thinking that you're not having to beat them back with a stick. Good luck!
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 90 (view)
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/12/2011 5:28:59 PM
I don't want to stick my nose in this back and forth, but could you explain:
IME...that if I allow myself to be selected rather than engage men I actually have interest in, I will end up with a guy who is pushy and overbearing because I'm not subtle about wanting to talk to who I choose.

I understand that you tend to get pushy men when they're the one's choosing you, I just don't understand how your unsubtle nature has to do with the probability of guys that hit on you being pushy. I think I may just be reading too into it and you probably wanted to point out that you're not subtle, approach guys you want because you don't like the guys that have approached you in your past. Am I missing something or is that it?
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 80 (view)
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/11/2011 7:11:59 PM

But NEVER approach a man first. Because if you do, it is possible that he will just respond in order to string you along for sex, to have someone to fall back on till he meets a woman her really likes, or whatever .
Or he could have approached you because he's only looking to string you along for sex or someone to fall back on, etc etc. The presumption and conclusion of that thought has little or nothing to do with each other.

If a man does care anything about you he will “Man Up” and make the first move, she said.
Yet on first contact I really don't care that much about you. You look nice, you sound interesting... That's the extent of it. I may have passed you over cause of something you thought was really minor or something that changed. By you vowing not to make the first move you've just made it that less likely that we're going to meet.

But I have NEVER wasted one minute on anyone who thought so little of me that he would sit back and wait for me to come to him. That is for women who wind up getting treated like crap – and dumped.
So women who approach men are just asking to get dumped... Fantastic.

just wondering here:
get to know me a little, then ask me out, then ask ME out.
Was there a difference when he asked you out the first time verses the second time when he emphasized that he was asking YOU out? Or was that just a typing thing/oops I already said that?
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
Is finding him attractive a good enough reason to keep dating him?
Posted: 7/10/2011 7:24:45 PM
Probably depends on if you think there's going to be another rollercoaster involved. If you just want fwb's, sounds good. Maybe if you think of it as fwb then there won't be the drama but more than likely there will be. Can you just drop it if it comes up?
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 44 (view)
Guys, Have you ever done this? Should I believe my boyfriend?
Posted: 7/10/2011 7:23:11 PM

This is why the condoms stay in my nightstand, honestly.
Can I come over?

I've never heard of masturbating with a condom on, but then again its not typical conversation that comes up either.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
Profile review please
Posted: 7/10/2011 6:10:27 AM
Good photos, decent description. I'm going to agree with the last poster, I'd take out the restriction of "friendship" and "Hang-out" because there are some people out there that put friendship and say in their profile they want to start as a friendship which may later turn out to be a relationship. Its not that big of a percentage but I'd think about it anyway.

Good luck!
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 66 (view)
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/10/2011 6:05:59 AM

so what's up with this habit some women seem to have, of attacking mens' masculinity every time there's a "difference of opinion"?
Its not just women attacking our label of masculinity. I've heard many a guy say "You're not a real man." I'm perfectly content on being a fake man if that's the case.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
Posted: 7/9/2011 6:50:36 AM
C'mon, is anyone gunna answer with some more concrete stuffs?

-Don't talk about sex
-Don't make your first or really any email be just "Hey how are you?"
-Don't pity yourself in any emails or your profile
-Don't talk about other girls or your ex (although this is a general no-no IRL too)
-Don't expect that your efforts will be rewarded any more than rarely
-Do read the profiles and try to incorporate something in your email about it
-Do keep your good grammar, judging from your message you already have it
-Don't draw out email conversations for too long, meet as soon as you can

These are just some of the rules I've gleaned from my time here, they could be wrong (and are most likely incomplete).
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 7 (view)
Keeping the conversation exciting/interesting?
Posted: 7/9/2011 6:43:36 AM

i want there to be some interest into me and good questions please.
Dear lord I wish women would ask questions. I feel like I'm interviewing them as the employer. Trying to pull an entire conversation out of my ass because all they do is answer my questions and rarely ever bring anything new to the table. The longest emails back and forth I've had from a woman who unfortunately lives too far away, always involved two to four questions from either of us at the end of the email.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 15 (view)
Chronic Pain. Dealbreaker?
Posted: 7/9/2011 6:37:53 AM
I'd say bring it up on the first "real" date if it didn't come up during whatever 10 minute coffee on your first meet. I can't really sympathize about chronic pain, but I have type one diabetes and I don't put it in my profile, even though its a huge part of my life. If this issue does limit you on what is possible for you to do in a relationship, that's something you'll want to have on your profile (such as having kids, you can easily put "no" to that, sex probably should be mentioned if you can't ever have sex, or stuffs like that).
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 29 (view)
Midnight Train to Georgia moment?
Posted: 7/9/2011 6:29:36 AM

I just got off FBook and removed a connection for this person who was apparently in a music instruction class that I never really noticed but because I was a fellow student, she felt the need to try to connect. I'm like, why? I didn't even remember her at all. What's up with that???

Oddly enough I have a FB friend that I apparently went to school with that I have no memory of that lives in Atlanta. She's cute and all the pictures of her and her friends are cute, so I have no complaints (and there's not a constant stream of "eating ____ for supper, watching _____ this hour" etc).
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 15 (view)
Why must the guy do it all?
Posted: 7/9/2011 6:21:56 AM
Message #4 via Motown cowgirl says it all.

Here's a slightly different take on the POF perspective. I have been messaged by women as the first contact. It is indeed pretty awesome. Whether I initiated it or they did though, generally what has happened (and why I'm still here) is that I'll start asking them to things, there will be scheduling conflicts, and then they'll say something along the lines of "I met someone I really feel a connection with so I'm taking a break from POF." Point of the matter is its supply and demand. Don't think you're the only one talking to this woman, she's probably got multiple offers already going for her, so yah, you have to step up to the plate and ask, because she doesn't need to.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 19 (view)
Good Places to eat, and good places to take a date
Posted: 7/9/2011 6:13:13 AM
Not Maverick's baseball, Mallards idiot!
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 9 (view)
when a guy introduces you to family...
Posted: 7/8/2011 6:34:21 AM
I don't view something like that (bbq where his parents are there) as meaningful. Probably a good idea for a casual date and since you live down the street and all...

At my age meeting the parents isn't that big of a deal, at least meeting my parents. I do a lot with them so its going to come up that I'd invite a woman I'm dating to join in.

I don't think you have to wait 4 months to be in a relationship exclusively, however I don't think you should expect that your timelines of becoming monogamous are going to match.

You're kind of a hottie so if the one line about taking down your profile scared him off, I'm sure you'll have more (good) guys that come around. Maybe you should start doing the picking (emailing/first contact) so as to eliminate the chance of getting a schmuck. Good luck!
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 18 (view)
Good Places to eat, and good places to take a date
Posted: 7/8/2011 6:24:17 AM
I would not recommend George Webb's for a first date. The place is a greasy after bar joint, which is great in itself, but for a first date?

So, Madison area. If you have the cash American Player's Theater would be fantastic, although go early and picnic so you can talk. Maybe its more of a second or third date idea. The memorial Union Terrace plays a free movie every Monday night. Vilas zoo is a great spot, picnic-ish. Prime Quarter is always good. I think its on East Wash quite a way out, but not sure. Devil's Lake in Baraboo would be a great hike or swim place. Maverick's baseball game, especially if you get the duck blind pass. Finally, last but not nearly least, if you're looking for the best steaks in southern Wisconsin, go to Sauk City and Green Acres. I kid you not, the stuff is to die for. Its a nice supper club, so be ready to spend $20-30 a head though (well, for the dinner, extra for drinks!).
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
hey everyone take a look
Posted: 7/8/2011 5:48:39 AM

hi am Daniel
Beginning of a sentence deserves a capital letter. Is that how you talk? Do you leave out the "I" in "I am"? Is that something common in the UK because it looks weird to me, like you just missed it and didn't do a thorough job rereading it.

thanks for having a look at my profile am 24 from sheffield i work as a cobbler (shoe repairs) av been doin this now for 3 years i love my work
The thread at the top of this "profile review" section says that restating things that are already on your profile is a no-no. I don't really mind but who am I to argue with the experts (ie, restating your age and where you live). If you're not going to take that out, capitalize Sheffield, "i", thanks and put a period after cobbler. Oh, and this is really two sentences. Thanks for having a look and (I) am 24 from Sheffield. Figure out how you want this to read (either conjunction or use a period).

I have a good group of friends but am just missing that someone from my life i all ways seem to be the single person when we all go out lol
Pretty much all the grammar errors you made in the previous line you made here again.

I enjoy going to the and eating out.
Where do you enjoy going to?

well if you like what you here
its hear. As in I hear that.
and what you see in my picture then maybe drop me a line and we can get talking x x
This is another thing the experts say not to do (give permission to email you). Apparently they should already know they can email you. I don't mind it though.

To My Friends Who Are...SINGLE Love is like a butterfly.
Now you caps every word? And I'm not sure only single people should hear your love wisdom. I mean, you did put a huge emphasis on "SINGLE" as if to really stress that no not-single folks should read it.

The rest of your stuff is just your pretty poetry and is very well formatted, which makes me wonder if you cut and paste that. That's fine, but the fact that I'm thinking you did is not fine, so clean up the stuff before it so it all looks well formatted.

As far as a general whole idea goes, there's only really a little bit about you in there and nothing about what kind of woman you're looking for.

You need a smiling head shot where you're not holding the camera. Your non-smiling photo is not flattering. I'd say take out the one where its too bright too, but if you start taking out two of them you're not left with much else, but there-in lies the problem.

Might want to add a few more interests. Certainly less general than "music." What type of music at least, maybe one or two of your favorite bands.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 23 (view)
The guy, the dog or the house?
Posted: 7/7/2011 12:50:11 PM
If I was this guy and you said there can't be two dogs in your place, I wouldn't even consider moving in. I'd understand that you can't very well sell your place in a market like this either.

However, a couple good points have been brought up. Talk to the "strata" administrator, see if you can't come up with something, like paying an extra "yard fee" or whatever for the second dog.

I moved in with my sister who already had one dog too many. My dog, although 80lbs, is very quiet, well mannered, and pretty much the mellowest 3year old you could find. She got permission from the landlord for me to stay there a couple weeks but the landlord didn't want to say I could stay there permanently (but the couple weeks I could have would allow me to find another place). My sister approached the landlord again after I had moved in to press on the issue because her son moved out and she's need to find another renter. The landlord said to have me move in and see if there are any complaints about the new dog. Well, I had already been there for over two weeks so turns out it wasn't an issue at all (and for the fact that he's a mut who doesn't resemble any of the breeds that insurance companies are so fearful of).

The way I would look at it is this: assuming emotionally you guys are actually ready to move in together, he should look for another place that allows his dog. Desperately. If he can't find a spot, then he looks to adopt his dog out and move in with you.

I can't explain it but adopting both dogs out and getting another just seems like the most fricken stupid thing to do. It seems really really wrong to me.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 33 (view)
I know I should be running away but.....
Posted: 7/7/2011 12:36:01 PM
This is how I see it.

This "other" guy, she sees probably once a week. They do something that might qualify as a date but really is just pretense to go screw like rabbits. He gets up and leaves afterwards. He doesn't want a relationship and she knows it, hence why she keeps sleeping with him.

You are there to fulfill her subconscious desire to have a relationship. She doesn't want you. She doesn't see you romantically other than a children's book relationship. You're not her type she's thinking. You're nice though, and she feels good about talking to you about stuff. She doesn't want to hurt you and say she's been screwing this other guy three different ways from Monday, and its not entirely a lie that she's saying they have some issues and may not exactly be a couple (or that she's pretty sure he won't show for the friend's wedding).

So she's got her girlfriend, pillow talk person (you) and her **** buddy (the other guy).
Its your call, but I don't think you're going to be more than a friend anymore and she's just using you to soothe her guild about sleeping with this guy who has no intentions of ever having a relationship with her.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 37 (view)
UGH! Now what?
Posted: 7/7/2011 12:26:26 PM

That is total nonsense. Christians have views on those things which range across the full spectrum.

That's kind of why I said:
"The problem with saying she wants to date a christian is that there are so many kinds."

However, there are at least a good portion of christians that believe that their views on such things are the right views and saying that your christian means you believe as they do. I know, its shortsighted and narrow minded, but I get a sense that doesn't appear to matter to some of them. Not saying that the OP is this way, just saying that this is what she *could* mean by it.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 11 (view)
messaging a guy
Posted: 7/7/2011 6:01:02 AM
The more and more I think about it, the more I agree with Unclezeus. Meet soon after messaging back and forth. Once you get the feeling that this person is at least intelligent enough to be attractive, and isn't showing any signs of being crazy, meet them.

I've messaged more than one gal over a length of time and now its kind of awkward. There's really nothing more to be gleaned over emails back and forth, but do I still shoot her an email about going hiking this weekend even if I haven't said anything to her in a couple weeks?

Unfortunately meeting them can be challenging as usually everyone these days I talk to (including myself) has a crazy schedule, so you're going to have to make do.

Why the guy was uncomfortable? Maybe you did mention something that he didn't like. Maybe he just felt weird about the connection you two were having without actually meeting. There are so many possibilities that it's hard to give you an idea of what actually happened without a transcript of what you both talked about. Shrug your shoulders and look elsewhere. If he's interested hopefully he'll get over the "Do I ask her out even though we haven't talked in awhile" and ask you out on a first date.
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 497 (view)
People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them?
Posted: 7/7/2011 5:50:43 AM
There is definitely something wrong with me. However, the title of this thread should be ... "People... Something wrong with them?" because everyone has an issue or three.

I'd probably be in more relationships if I wasn't so gun shy. Not a big deal, I'm not concerned, and if I start to think that there's something seriously wrong with me, what does that say about the women I'm trying to date? Is there something seriously wrong with them too? Vicious circle. Lets just not go down that road.
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