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 Author Thread: Bill Cosby is a sexually violent predator?
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 335 (view)
 
Bill Cosby is a sexually violent predator?
Posted: 9/27/2018 7:17:27 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

But it wasnt "rape" rape doncha know. This is infuriating that this attitude still permeates our way of seeing rape, the idea that having someone force themselves into someones body isnt violent is mind boggling.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 7371 (view)
 
Will President Elect Donald Trump Last The Full 4 Years?
Posted: 9/25/2018 12:09:09 PM

And most women I know have been exposed to male crudeness at least once in their lives.


Perhaps we can stop characterizing someone shoving their penis in a face, and trying to remove someone's clothing as male crudeness and call it what it is, sexual assault.

As long as we continue to brush this off as innocent joking around, this crap will keep happening, at the very least he most likely violated 2 people's personal right to not be touched by someone unwanted, and at worst sexually assaulted 2 people.

So lets stop minimizing what many men have done in their past because we were told it was accepted back then. I certainly didnt find it acceptable when I was a teenager to have to deal with a persistent teenage boy who was horny and wouldnt stop trying to put his hands down my pants, and I know many other women who also didnt find it acceptable, however apparently there are a lot of men who were ok with it, I wonder why hmmmm?? So was it ever really acceptable or just brushed off and we gave up trying to get it to stop because a lot of people were benefiting from the attitudes at the time.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 7355 (view)
 
Will President Elect Donald Trump Last The Full 4 Years?
Posted: 9/24/2018 8:42:50 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

OK, what is your opinion on the second woman now also saying that BK pulled his pants down and shoved his penis in her face at a party? I would say that it looks like BK has a problematic past and has some serious boundary issues when it comes to sex and consent. This is not someone you want on the highest court in the land, any land.

Just because someone has learned not to do these things in public anymore, it certainly doesnt mean they dont continue to hold these ideas in their heads, and anyone who will be required to shape laws for many years certainly should no be someone who has these types of past behaviours in their life.

I like to hope that there are plenty of other men/women that dont have this in their past available as possible picks for the highest court in your country.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Sad Dog
Posted: 8/28/2017 8:36:12 AM
If you are on good terms with your neighbour maybe record what the dog sounds like. They probably have no idea how unhappy he is and the best way is for them to hear it themselves. They make think that people are over reacting and need to hear it with their own ears...

If not. call the HS and while they may not be able to take the dog away, a visit from the SPCA may be enough for them to make some changes, who knows, maybe they dont know what to do and the SPCA may be able to offer them some solutions.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 2406 (view)
 
McCain has brain cancer, but at least he has insurance. but hey, we can't afford you to have it
Posted: 7/20/2017 11:55:49 AM
The irony is that most of the opinions held on Canadian Health care are at least a decade old. Each province runs its own health care system, so while you may have the proverbial " i know a person from Canada" horror story, it isnt relative to all of Canada. I live in Ontario and in my 50 years, have never met someone who was happy with their health care, but when you ask for specifics it is usually grumbling about a long delay for a non essential procedure, never about emergency or essential treatment, and in Ontario those delays have been going down for the past decade and rival some of the better private hospital in the US for things like hip and knee replacement.

In 2009, my husband had a heart attack(43 yrs old and crazy healthy) and needed a quadruple bypass, from the time he went to the morning sick parade( he was military at the time) at 7.30, he was rushed to a local hospital where they tried a catheter, that didnt work, then was rushed to the main teaching hospital in Montreal, he was on the table in surgery by 11.30 that morning. That was 2 hospitals, 2 ambulance rides and a 7 day stay in the ICU, this did not cost us one penny. He had follow up cardiac rehab and annual stress tests and some sort of nuclear xray procedure done every 2 years, all covered and never has his treatment been changed due to costs.

This is average care for a Canadian with Universal Health care, while you may have 1 "anecdote" about Canadian health care, I have hundreds that show the average good experience of our health care systems here.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 48 (view)
 
I used to be a solid 8 and then I turned 30!
Posted: 9/3/2015 10:16:47 AM
OP, you have to realize what you are asking for and make sure that you are willing to offer something back to that individual. I am married to one of you and we are going on 18.5 years in the military. I suggest you really think about what you expect from another person in regards to your career. I have lived through multiple tours, DART deployments and TAVS, they can be hard after a while especially when any members seem to have the idea that their spouse/partner/significant other should "suck it up" or the old "you knew what I did for a living" thing. If you cant see how that is something most adults would be wary of, I think you need to reflect a little more on your life choice and how you plan to make room in yourlife for a partner.

This isnt the 60's anymore and with the cost of living being what it is, most "spouses" cant afford to follow someone else's dream and live on the hope/prayer that person doesnt decide someday that they want someone else and leave the other person with no propects because they supported all of your dreams.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 21 (view)
 
The confederate flag debate.
Posted: 7/3/2015 8:14:34 AM
The irony in the "cancelation" of the Dukes of Hazard is that show was due to be dropped from its rotation in 3 weeks and now that broadcaster is using this as a way to get some publicity for themselves. That show was gone in 3 weeks and no one would have been the wiser...but someone figured out a way to get a certain group of people wound up.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 66 (view)
 
Lying about being off from work
Posted: 11/3/2014 7:12:19 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ HAHA aint that the truth...

I think this one is from an episode of RHONJ for crying out loud, likes the drama, validates her in some way..
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Why is it harder for some people to stay faithful than others?
Posted: 10/23/2014 7:40:24 AM

like I said it's more so emotional. I'm huge on emotional connection, and if it so happens where I meet a man and I feel a bond it becomes hard to resist.


See that is where I dont think you are being honest with yourself on this issue, that isnt a bond you are feeling, it is curiosity and attraction. Somehow I get the feeling that you are looking to men to give you some self worth and value and that you see male attention as validating you.

THere is no way you are feeling a true emotional connection with an individual you hve not spent any amount of time with, that only happens when you get to know an individual and get to know who they really are, not the superficial social "face" people wear most of the time. And this is especially true when you are looking for a possible sexual relationship. I get the feeling that you will spend a large portion of the future chasing something that you will never catch, but in the meantime you will end up hurting a lot of people, including yourself on your never ending quest to find this thing that just isnt out there.

In the meantime, you are not being fair to your boyfriend, walk away so he can find someone who is interested in who he is..
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
love @ work!
Posted: 10/3/2014 8:18:04 PM
Do not try to play games and hide your true intentions about what you really are after. If you have to manipulate the situation and misrepresent yourself to try and get what you want, it most likely means she isn't interested, but you don't want to accept that it seems.

What you are intending to do is dishonest and says a whole lot about you as a person, you are deliberately intending to deceive this woman and you don't see anything wrong with that...You are such a catch aren't you?
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 31 (view)
 
would you date a military man?
Posted: 7/18/2014 7:45:43 AM
Lets be really honest here, when you get involved with a military member, you are moving in a system that is designed to place teh serving member and their career in first place all the time. The system and the culture does not allow for moderation, that is true for deployment and non deployment time as well. What that does is foster an unrealistic sense of importance focused on the member and gives little to no focus on the family other than the obligatory talking points that are trotted out to make the system feel good about itself. The vasgt majority of family support comes from the non military members teaming together to get through the hard times, not from the system itself. However the system is good at taking credit for supporting the spouse/family because no one want to really tell the truth and call bullshit and challenge that fallacy.

So yes it does tend to create a dynamic that encourages members to see themselves and their roles as the only thing that is important and everything else as a supporting case to their priorities and needs. Just trying to talk about these sort of things brings out the shamers, the people that spout that if you arent blindly supporting the system you arent patriotic, that you "knew" what you were in for, that kind of crap. No one really wants to talk about the truth of the issue, mainly becasue the military members are not as inconvinienced as their spouse so its not that big a deal for them is it?
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
 
What am I doing wrong/why the nonsense?
Posted: 6/15/2014 8:02:50 AM

Is your comment about not drinking often a joke? Because it is abundantly clear that alcohol plays a factor in all of these scenarios...

Clearly the OP is a drama queen,( read his profile), and seems to be drawn to behavior that creates these types of dynamics, his behavior is no different than the women in these scenarios yet he either cant see it or he refuses to acknowledge his own baggage and how he is an equal factor in the outcome of these dating scenarios.

It is apparent that alcohol ha a very major role in many of his pairings and why he would be shocked that once someone sobered up, they may realize that they made some stupid choices is beyond me. All I know is that if I constantly ended up in bed with strangers where mutual puking and rejection happened in the light of day, it would be a giant wake up call about my choices in life.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 38 (view)
 
serious question.............what exactly is sexual assult?
Posted: 6/13/2014 6:07:57 AM

But you see....It is my responsibilty as a mother to teach my young girl that it is NOT exceptable.......and self-defense!

And that men that do these things are NOT the majority......at least not in my experience.....go figure!


So , because this hasnt been you experience, it cant possibly be true? Is that what you are saying?

You seem to be arguing against yourself here. The girl in question did react because she felt that someone touching her was unnaceptable, and complained, yet you come into this thread and make light of the fact that she found it unnaceptable and question her not accepting by being oversensitive.

Are you even aware of how confusing you are coming across? I hope you are a whole lot clearer with your daughters.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 31 (view)
 
serious question.............what exactly is sexual assult?
Posted: 6/12/2014 9:40:45 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^ Well said, I am always amazed at how quickly this kind of behaviour is brushed off as harmless and if a girl/woman refuses to accept it, she is the one that gets the blow back, not the individual that did the touching.

I think the many replies on this thread give insight into why that is the kneejerk reaction, most people have done something like this and if this kid gets charged with sexual assault, then that means they sexually assaulted someone too, and most people dont like to see themselves as that person. Maybe it wasnt done with malicious intent but it doesnt mean it was OK to do it. So rather than re-evaluate their own behavior, and ask themsleves why they think it is ok for someone to touch another person in that manner, its much easier to accuse the girl/woman that accept that their behavior was just as bad.

If this kid does not have any ramifications for his actions, and everyone keeps telling him that he did nothing wrong, then all that is being reinforced is the idea that it is OK to put your hands on someone even if it is not welcome from the person being touched. Not just to this kid, but everyone else in his peer group, what message are we sending then?
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 27 (view)
 
whatever the local authorities have deemed as such
Posted: 6/11/2014 5:29:59 AM
So I guess you really dont have a serious question about sexual assault, you just want every one to decide that this kid has been railroaded and the girl was over blowing an incident.

I love the comment about "perception" of what is Ok or not. What keeps getting overlooked here is that this girl has the right to go to school without having people touch her in an innapropriate way, but everyone is focused on a kid that is either too stupid to stand up for himself and take the fall or he did exactly what she claims he did. The guidance cousellor has every right to ensure that a student is protected from unwanted touching, sexual or non sexual. If he had slapped her face, would we all be saying that she was over reacting? I dont think so.

I have to ask the question? If this is the school rule, should it have been overlooked for a kid breaking the rules by innapropriately touching a classmate? What if it had been boy on boy touching, not locker room ass slapping but a blatant unwanted sexual touch from a male student to another male student? Would everyone be so eager to over look that? I dont think so. Would everyone just call that hormonal stupidity?

I imagine all the parents of the kids in who sexually assaulted that girl in Stubenville were all outraged as well, a parent denying their child is capable of something is hardly unusual now is it and not an indicator of anything...
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
serious question.............what exactly is sexual assult?
Posted: 6/10/2014 12:01:52 PM
So now she is making things up because people who this didn't happen to have decided that what happened to her wasn't a big deal and she should have just accepted this. WTF! I guess this is an excellent example of why rape victims are reluctant to come forward if this is any indication of how people see things.

Where did any one say she was traumatized? How did that even become part of the story? I am just amazed at how quick some people are to assume that she was in wrong by not going along when this kid decided he was going to touch her ass. Unless she writes the punishment code for her school, I am at a loss as to why anyone sees her as doing something wrong by being angry that some one sexually manhandled her.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
serious question.............what exactly is sexual assult?
Posted: 6/10/2014 8:45:08 AM
^^^^^^^^^^ Why wouldnt you consider that sexual assault? Is it because that was just accepted behaviour for men to grope any woman they want to, and that women were expected to just accept some dirt bags hands all over them? What they did was sexual assault, but nobody called it that back then, they just called it "joking", "flirting" or "a compliment" to get away with doing whatever they wanted while they sexually assaulted you.

I have been crammed into all sorts of positions, never "accidentally" pinched someone's ass. Have I accidentally brushed someone with my elbow or arm? Yes, I have never accidentally cupped someones junk, pinched them or fondled anyone in a sexual way by "accident".

This isnt even close to the same thing as the 4 year old child. There was no sexual intent in the hugging, pinching someone's ass is sexual touching. Tell me that kid didnt know what he was doing when he grabbed/pinched her ass...The fact that you see the two as equal is quite frightening actually.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
serious question.............what exactly is sexual assult?
Posted: 6/10/2014 6:16:04 AM

i havnt heard much of the boys side...........though i didnt hear of him denying it.........but i also know that when you stand 300 or so high school students on the gym bleachers to take a picture theres liable to be some unintended touching going on......and most likely some that was intended
........but isnt this an example of taking things a bit too far?


I have so many reactions to this....

Why do we expect this girl to have to put up with this kid groping her? Does she not have the right to not be sexually groped by anybody who gets the urge?

And why do you think this kid shouldnt have been punished for sexually groping this girl? What would have been appropriate for the little shit? A good telling off and wink and a nod? He deliberately touched her in a sexual way but you want to assign some sort of innocence to it, rather than accept what it is, an invasion of her personal right to not be groped or touched because someone wants to get a handfull.

When is it not too far in your opinion? Give me a sliding scale of when YOU think a person has the right to not be groped by someone and what the level of punishment should be.

I firmly believe that most men will never want to see anything changed in regards to how we deal with this sort of behaviour becasue they have all done it and that would mean that they would have to accept that their own behaviour is/was wrong and unnaceptable. Of course they want to put a spin in it, blame her for not taking a joke or being too up tight or a prude when they respond like this to unwanted groping by men.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Will this work in the long run?
Posted: 6/9/2014 8:15:11 AM
I think the OP does see himself as "better" than her, mainly because the things he sees as road blocks are not based on anything comes from within, but from having money. Having money is not an indicator of character or personal values. Many times it is an indicator of lucky birth advantage not character or personal drive and ambition..

Travel is an indicator of character now? Does Florida get a lower character ranking than Mexico? How about what you do when travelling? If I sit on the beach in Greece vs visiting the Parthenon, do I still get the same character points?

Does working for a Fortune 500 company as 1 of 50,000 of the same job title have more value than a person who manages 5 employees in a small retail shop that is profitable based on her people skills have more credit based on name recognition?

The things the OP uses as indicators of quality are so variable it is laughable...
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Second date tommorow she still won't share phone number.
Posted: 6/9/2014 7:55:03 AM
Lord, this woman doesnt have to do anything. Maybe she isnt sure about the Op and just doesnt want to have her personal contact info out there until she knows if she is interested in moving forward.

It doesnt matter what anyone else does or is comfortable with, its her info to do what she wants with. Maybe she has had too many bad experiences with sore rejected dates, maybe she just doesnt care enough to be worried about being available to a relative stranger for what ever reason.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 47 (view)
 
So this is going to be difficult and awkward...
Posted: 5/23/2014 1:10:41 PM
Well OP, maybe she doesnt want to be in a relationship with you anymore so she isnt too interested in fixing something she doesnt care about and is hoping you will move on...

I have to echo Bucsgirl too, your whole post seems to revolve around sex and you, how good you are, the amount of sex, how many orgasms she had (wierd IMO), everything is about sex. Maybe she feels that the only thing you care about is sex, you mention that the first thing you think about when you wake up is if she is up to having sex with you..I can almost picture you watching her all the time, just waiting and hoping, " now, maybe now, ok, now?"

I have to also question the fact that you claim she is living in a fase reality, she has gained weight, she doesnt like it, it bothers her, yet you dismiss her concerns as being unimportant and that somehow she is living in an altered reality because she sees herself as fat? When will she be allowed to consider herself fat according to you? Perhaps you can educate her on when she is allowed to have an opinion on herself...Not too mention the fact that you are using your sexual attraction as some sort of measuring stick of how she can see herself or risk the potential of being accused of living in an altered reality....

Perhaps you are unaware of how much emphasis you are putting on the sexual aspect of your relationship, because if your post is any indication of what your real life it. I can understand her wanting you to go away...
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 95 (view)
 
HELP!!! Husband cheats on pregnant wife?? HELP!!!
Posted: 5/23/2014 7:07:00 AM
I believe that the reason the OP wants the whistle blown is becasue up until now she could very easily rationalize in her mind that since the marriage was "bad", it was on its way out anyways, so her invlovement wasnt the catalyst, just the result. According to him anyways...

BUT, now a baby is in the picture, so that is an innocent bystander in all of this, and now her behaviour plays a very different role in what is going on. Now its not all that cut and dried anymore, and she doesnt want to be the person that hurts the child in this. The wife has been portrayed in a way that will illicit sympathy for him, and no doubt the OP believes that somehow the wife woudl be "OK" if they split up, they could go their seperate ways and no one would really get hurt in all of this. but the baby changes everything.

Here is my 2 cents OP, now you get to really see how selfish this guy is, now you get to see how poor his character really is and how low he will stoop to avoid doing the right thing, up until now, no one really got hurt, right? But this guy is going ahead with IVF to have a child with a woman he continually cheats on, what a great guy to be with...You cant avoid seeing how much of a shit this guy is and if he is a shit, what does that say about you?

So telling her is your way of atoning for your enabling this asshats cheating isnt it? Do what you want, but dont be surprised when you wear all of the blow back on this one, if she is pregnant, how quick to toss him out do you think she is going to be? Not very, would be my guess, and he will tell her everything she wants to hear to avoid having to own his part in this, you will be the dirty whore who made this whole thing happen and she iwll be happy to believe that.

So walk away, really fast, go to your therapist and explore why you were willing to hook up with this guy and why you were able to become part of his sordid life without too much trouble. It wont change what he does, but hopefully it will stop you from doing this sort of self destructive behaviour in the future...
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Are tomgirls merely active rather than passive?
Posted: 5/12/2014 5:51:54 AM

'TomBoy suggests/denotes male sex characteristics, as if being out in Nature, fishing, hunting, etc were a domain of MALES. And the females who enjoyed such activities were somehow 'different'.


So true, The very fact that women/girls were denied or steered away from anything other than a very rigid set of approved activities has always been ignored or explained away as preferences, and any woman who may participate in them has to be labelled as something other than normal is frankly insulting. Women up until the last decades have been forced to be passive in so many different ways, with labels like Tomboy, which after her teen years wanst something considered cute.

Those 2 women at the concert were behaving in a way that we still actively expect women to behave, be compliant and accomodating, because a woman that sets boundaries or pushes back is often punished with labels or physical violence and in a dark, over crowded audience, physical violence is a very real fear.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Would It Even Matter?
Posted: 5/6/2014 8:41:57 AM
The reality is that they know that their initial value to a man is their looks and they have been socialized to reinforce that belief, so there really isnt any point to doing anything other than putting up a picture and seeing who responds.

Is it silly? Not really when people are honest with themselves about their behaviour. You and every one else using this place will contact people that they find appealing. That level of appeal can range significantly however, from Wow, to not making someone physically ill. It all depends on the individuals involved.

I imagine that once the "new meat" effect wears off, people that are trulhy interested in meeting someone will revamp their profile in an attempt to weed out the window shoppers who initially dominate the first contacts on here.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 35 (view)
 
More than a hook up?
Posted: 4/30/2014 6:25:09 AM
laneur001: No, it wasn't at breakfast, that would have definitely been awkward and I also would not let that happen. It was in the morning and when we grabbed a coffee together before breakfast.


Maybe I am missing something here but the fact that this guy didnt kick you out of bed the minute he woke up or the fact that he did something so trivial as buy you a cup of tea when he was also buying himself a drink does not mean anything. Is your bar so low that someone buying you a cup of tea is a sign of romantic interest.

Think about this, he met you at a bar, you were drunk, he took you home to his house and had sex with you, he knows nothing about you so he is very possibly just trying to mitigate any crazy one night stand blow back by you. You knwo where he lives, you can create some serious drama for him if you get pissed off, so of course he is going to be nice to you, it is in his best interest to drop a couple bucks on a drink and show some affection, it makes you go away without any drama....

Unless this guy contacts you, I would let it go.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
More than a hook up?
Posted: 4/29/2014 5:29:36 AM
OK, lets break this down..

You met a stranger at a bar, you got drunk, then you and a girlfriend went back to his place and you had sex with him, he didnt kick you out of bed and he bought you a tea, then he hugged you both and said good bye. BUT he was not the one to initiate anymore contact...

IMO, this guy got a good looking girl to have sex with him, what's not to like from his POV? Do I think he is going to be planning on calling you? NO. Will he sleep with you again if he you offer it again? Absolutely. More than a hook up? Probably not, you were a convnient sex romp, it doesnt matter if he murmmured some lame compliments in your ear, or who was "more into it" than the other, you got drunk and had sex with a stranger that you met in a bar.

PS. How can you be starting to have feelings for a stranger you have known less than 24 hours? You know nothing about this guy other than where he lives and what he has decided to tell you, and you have no idea of what he has told you is even true. You do however know that he has no problems having sex with random strangers, so I wouldnt imagine him at home wrestling with his feeling of love for you, no doubt you arent the first one that he has dirtied the sheets with or bought a cup of tea for..
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 35 (view)
 
How long should a widow/widower wait after the death of their spouse before dating?
Posted: 4/28/2014 1:41:09 PM
I have to say that I would find any body who recently lost their spouse/partner unexpectedly that is trolling on a dating site a giant red flag, not to mention large hazard flares going off as well.

I cannot believe that someone, that soon after a death of someone they loved is seriously ready to offer someone anything remotely close to a healthy relationship. I cannot fathom the emotional triggers that going on a simple meet and greet would start to flare up, to contemplate having sex with someone that quickly, let alone even think about bringing that individual around the children that just lost their parent...

Maybe I am being harsh, but there is a very big difference in love finding someone at the oddest time unsolicited and someone actively looking for a replacement candidate before the headstone is even placed on the grave or the finalization of the legal aspects of the death of a spouse...

I may be wrong but at 6 months aren't there still legal papers, forms and financial issues that would still need finalizing generally if the death was sudden?
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Pet Suggestions
Posted: 4/21/2014 8:21:40 AM
^^^^^^^^ I really like this idea, this way your son will get to interact with many types of animals, it may also instill in him the understanding of the results of poor pet ownership and when he is older it will serve him and any pets he gets well.

I also like the idea of setting up bird houses and feeder and seeing what shows up over the seasons, as well as butterflies and bees as Dame has suggested. This way he gets a real immersion into all types of animals and how they are everywhere once we stop to really look. There is enough maintenance involved without an animal completely relying on him to survive.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Dating someone with anxiety issues
Posted: 4/11/2014 1:16:15 PM
Anxiety is manageable, if you want to manage it. Clearly he doesn't, maybe he hasn't really hit rock bottom yet....

OP, it isn't your job to look after or love every sick puppy you come across, leaving him because he refuses to manage his issues doesn't make you a ****, it doesn't mean you are a terrible person, it just means that someone you care for has way to many issues and clearly doesn't seem to want to deal with them. Don't feel guilty for not looking after this guy, its not your responsibility, it is his.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 50 (view)
 
I need advise on how to fix my friendship with my best friend.
Posted: 4/10/2014 6:27:42 AM
^^^^^^^^^ Here we go again with the drama OP, maybe you can tell us exactly why you think this woman is spending time with you if she is not getting money, free dinners or just a plain old ego boost, better yet, why dont you explain to us why you want to have a relationship with a woman you clearly think has no problem treating you with such disdain and disrespect then.

That is what doesn't add up in all of your narrative, you are the one that keeps ratcheting up the drama and coming in here and replaying it for all to read, you are the one using words that are designed to elicit pity from the posters in this thread. Super Villain? Hardly, your situation and behavior is as common as fleas on a dog, your just the ubiquitous nice guy who isn't getting his way and now is trying to blame her for your poor behavior. Sorry I am not participating in your pity parade...
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 98 (view)
 
Bunny
Posted: 4/10/2014 6:16:21 AM

^Isn't looking like a lonely wallflower at a bar how hookers approach their clients?

It's never happened to me.


Either this guy is trolling or he clearly has some issues in how he views women, he has used descriptions and comments that are clearly denigrating to women, using terms like "non hooker" rather than woman, has spoken of them like things to be experimented sexually with based on race or color rather than as a person , a few women have picked up on it, yet not one man has called this guy out on his crap.

If this is a troll, HA HA HA, if not, this guy has some clear issues with women and sex, and it is sad to see that almost none of the male posters have been concerned about how he has been talking about women and sex, let alone called him out on his language and description of women. Unfortunately I am not surprised.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 47 (view)
 
I need advise on how to fix my friendship with my best friend.
Posted: 4/10/2014 5:34:19 AM

She encouraged me to get up onto the dance floor, despite knowing full well I can't dance. I said what the hell and got up there, just the three of us danced, but of course I dance horribly, I was really self councious and embarrassed that everyone was looking at me laughing. I looked at her and she acted like she didn't even know me at all, and gave me a look that said she "she didn't know me and she would rather be anywhere but there". Needless to say I was almost embarrassed to tears.

^^^THIS is the woman you called your "best friend"? I can see why it ended. What I don't understand is why you ever put her up on a pedestal. Never put people on pedestals. People are flawed.


I see it another way, the OP needs her to be the bad guy in this whole thing, rather than him accept that he his behavior has been the real problem all along. None of this makes sense to me, why would any reasonable person put up with all the drama that comes with being friends with OP? I think the OP sees what he wants to see and ignores every thing else that doesn't fit with the narrative he has got going on in his head.

Sure there are people out there that aren't all that great and some real ***holes, and they will use people to get what they want, but I don't see what this woman could possible be getting out of this friendship other than some serious drama from the OP, the Op admits that she was clear from the beginning, that there was never a chance for something more and the OP told her he was OK with that. If his behavior in real life is anything like his posts are, what exactly is she getting out of being friends with this guy? She isn't accepting dinner dates, the OP isn't bankrolling their nights out, in fact it sounds like a pretty decent friendship where she seems to actually have some consideration for the OP. What exactly is she doing that makes her so nasty?

The OP is the one putting all the nuances into the looks, the behaviors, etc. But she has been honest from the start, maybe it is the OP who is the person that needs to be removed from her life, as he is the one that seems to be causing all the toxicity here.

Why would I not be surprised if the OP chimes in with how he has been paying all along but he just forgot to mention it....
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Would you assume I was not interested?
Posted: 4/3/2014 7:13:24 AM
Only she knows, but I will tell you that if you are the same in real life as you portray yourself in this post, I don't blame her for cutting you loose. You seem to have a huge amount of issues and if I understand the story line, you have done nothing to get past any of them.

I think that is pretty much what she is telling you in regards to the new guy, she is telling you that she is tired of waiting for you to get your shit together and has moved on.

I haven't read anything in your story about how she promised you anything more than a general acquaintance, yet you seem to be implying that there was more going on. She doesn't owe you anything so why you would be angry that she hasn't kept up some sort of level of communication that you consider acceptable is beyond me.

TBH, you are coming across as one of those people that sucks the life out of everyone around you, always some sort of drama going on, every conversation is a trial of endurance of listening to your issues, and no one wants to spend any time with these types of people.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 33 (view)
 
I need advise on how to fix my friendship with my best friend.
Posted: 4/2/2014 12:47:27 PM
^^^^^^That's the thing though, he is choosing to walk away rather than accept that there is no physical attraction there and never has been. This has nothing to do with their friendship and everything to do with his fixation on her. He is doing nothing but avoiding a problem that he created by trying to push it on to her.

Has no one ever been able to get over a crush on someone? Holy Shit, I probably had 5 or 6 serious crushes in my teens and early 20's, but I never felt that I had to isolate my self completely from these people, what good does that do? It doesn't change any thing and it certainly doesn't help develop the skills to deal with rejection or disapointment.

Has no one ever had that spark happen even when they are in an established relationship themselves and not been able to move past it? The OP is choosing to not move past it. I find it hard to believe that not one single person has been able to deal with the idea that their attraction is not reciprocated, without all the drama of cutting someone, who is supposed to be their only friend out of their life completely.

I would not be too surprised if the OP was trying to be a little passive aggressive here with this woman and was hoping that she may respond to his drastic move by trying to force her hand with it.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Do married couples share everything, or are somethings yours and others theirs?
Posted: 4/1/2014 5:26:21 AM
Like Igor has already pointed out, this poster has a long history of threads that revolve around his toxic, power struggle of a relationship.

Anyone remember the "Umbrella" issue he had where they started fighting outside church? Classic, I guess things haven't changed at all....
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 136 (view)
 
Do all women over 50 cringe when they hear the word SEX !!
Posted: 3/31/2014 8:07:00 AM

Nice -- gotta give you props for that. Yeah, there's too much negativity associated with sex from females. I think society has a lot to do with it... in part rooted in jealousy, and also in part rooted in raising the kids. I mean, would you want to tell your 14 year old daughter -- "Oh, sex is awesome. Nothing like bending over and getting ball-banged in a good 'ol fashioned porking by a good guy."? I think most fathers (and uncles, big brothers, etc) like to put it in a Bad light.


Keep telling yourself that, the reality is that many women aren't interested in talking about sex with men they don't know and even worse, getting into a conversation with a man they don't like. What possible interest is a total strangers sex life? Why would I care if some random guy liked getting his ass plugged while wearing a Yankees sweatshirt? How is that even remotely interesting to me? While you want to convince yourselves that most women are ashamed of sex, that we think it is dirty or whatever, the reality is quite simple, we don't generally care about some random dude and what makes his****hard, really simple. It has nothing to do with me and frankly I just don't give a shit about the vast majority of men sexual interests any more than I care about what brand of laundry detergent they use.

IMO this is more about a man being upset that a woman isn't being compliant in his ridiculous conversation than a woman being ashamed of sex. But it is much easier to call her a prude than accept that no one really gives a shit about his precious****..
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Where am I going wrong?
Posted: 3/31/2014 7:44:51 AM
OP, when you are out in the real world, you meet dozens of new people in a matter of days, do you expect to have some sort of serious connection with the first 3 that come down the street? No, that would be silly wouldn't it? Yet you expect that on here? Why?

Perhaps you need to realign what you are looking for vs what you dates are looking for, be completely honest with yourself and what you plan to offer someone, casual dating is not going to interest many women, while it sound like fun on the surface, there is plenty that can go wrong and unless there is a serious connection, most wont bother. You need to understand that for many good looking women, getting someone to go out with them with no strings attached is about as easy as it gets.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
I need advise on how to fix my friendship with my best friend.
Posted: 3/28/2014 7:28:00 AM
Why can you not accept that she will never be interested in you? Are there no other women on the face of the earth that are of interest to you? Why have you refused to accept the reality of the situation? I will never understand why a person cannot move on from a one sided infatuation, she never once interacted with you on a romantic level, so IMO there is nothing to get over, just yourself and your fixation on this woman.

Sure, no one likes to get rejected, it is disappointing, but to pine for a person that has repeatedly made it clear that there is no attraction, for years? I really think that people who carry these torches need help, a one sided attraction should not have that much control over your life, certainly not for longer than a couple weeks.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Married men!
Posted: 3/27/2014 1:44:33 PM
Op, it is also possible that these men you work with see you as nothing more than a life support for a vagina, so they don't care if you are offended or not. It isn't about you or respecting your boundaries, about your being single or not, its about the fact that their****gets hard and you are "doable" in their eyes, so they throw it out there to see what happens.

There are many men who don't see women as people or as coworkers that they need to treat with dignity, they see women as things that they ****. I suggest that you don't try to understand these mouth breathers, just make sure you aren't alone with any of them, because clearly some already have boundary issues and if one of them was to make an even more forceful advance, your life will become hell if you do take it up the chain of command, employers don't like to have to deal with these types of things, and his coworkers will blame you for not being able to take a joke or for over reacting, rather than admitting the truth that they were part of the problem.

I suggest you be very careful in how you interact, stay away from sex jokes, discussing your personal life, discussing anything that can even remotely taken as flirtatious. Be professional and never put yourself in a position that your actions or words could be considered encouraging.

Ask any woman who has had to deal with a possible sexual harassment issue at work, it can get very ugly, very fast and you will end up the bad guy in this.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Vidiots and their Kin...
Posted: 3/27/2014 12:53:10 PM
My main concern is that the first instinct now is rather than try to help, it is to whip out the phone and take a picture of it so you can upload it or show it to your friends.

I also have issues with people taking pictures or videos of people in crisis, the person jumping in front of the subway train comes to mind, or someone that has been shot or injured in a car accident. These people are in pain, in the midst of a traumatic event or even possibly dying, and the pictures and videos are used without the consent of the people being filmed for entertainment. These are private moments that these people didn't plan or want to happen and the picture takers have decided that the event is now for public consumption. No one needs to see the person jumping in front of that subway car, no one needs to see a person bleeding to death on a side walk or their friends and family reacting to the event that just took place.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 37 (view)
 
I broke up with girlfriend, we still live together, help!
Posted: 3/21/2014 12:14:06 PM
I am thinking that Op is playing some games here...

The OP starts a thread about getting this crazy woman out of his apartment, that he is so worried about how she will react, she is some wacko that will go off the deep end when he tells her, etc.

Then when she says she is leaving, he tells that she is welcome to stay. WTF?

She asks him for money back as she is clearly not welcome there any more, the Op then says because she didn't give 30 days notice she may not get her deposit back? WTF? The OP is so desperate to get her out but now he tries to give her the gears about not giving the 30 days notice???

Now he is upset and doesn't like that she purges people from her life and doesn't want to be his friend. Again, WTF? Why do you care OP?

I think there is way more going on here than the OP is letting on and that while he has gone to great lengths to paint her a an emotional nut job, I would not be surprised if she had some very interesting input into this whole scenario herself.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 879 (view)
 
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 3/13/2014 4:51:03 AM
The funny thing about your whole premise is that those that do make it either had a well paying job or hated the whole independence experience and it sucked. My first job paid $ 5.25 an hour, and I took a bus to work for 4 hours a day, there and back, I lived with my sister and her idiot boyfriend until I was able to get my own place. It sucked, and I rode that bus for over a year, It was dark when I left the house and dark when I got home for the first 6 months, but I was making my way and there was no option of going back as far as I was concerned.

Maybe that is the difference, I didn't assume or expect that I should have a certain standard of living without putting in the effort to earn it, the nicer apartment was the carrot, so I busted my butt to get a different job in the company I was working for that paid more money. What I had, I worked for, trust me it wasn't much, but it was mine.

I had friends and being alone wasn't an issue, I made it work, I was 19 and struggling, but that is all part of the growing process, it gave me perspective and the drive to achieve my goals.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 877 (view)
 
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 3/12/2014 12:32:32 PM
^^^^^^^^^Canada too! I moved out when I was 17 and paid my rent, took a bus to work every day at 6am until 7 pm, I didn't want to be at home, I wanted to be on my own and live my life the way I wanted to without having to deal with family and siblings. It was hard, I lived like that for 2 years, but it was worth it, I had freedom, privacy and the responsibility of shaping my future, and the best thing is that I had a respect for what I had, because I worked damn hard and long for it! None of my friends stayed home, they all either got jobs or went on to Post Secondary schooling that they paid for by themselves, most of us lived in crappy apartments in the bad part of town, that was part of the experience, the goal was to get to a better place, not expect to be in a great place to start with.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Should I stop biting my tongue?
Posted: 3/12/2014 10:52:00 AM
Are they even asking for your opinion? If they are, what are you telling them now? I am not sure why this is even a question?

I will tell you that the first thought that came into my head is to make sure your advise isn't based on trying to get these women to see you as a better candidate than the guy they are wasting their time with in your opinion. You wouldn't be the first guy trying to get out of the friend zone by doing this.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 871 (view)
 
Adults living at home with Mom and Dad
Posted: 3/11/2014 12:05:54 PM

Care to actually explain exactly how 50% of rent and bills with parents is different than 50% of rent and bills with a stranger?


Because the dynamic between parents and children and 2 unrelated individuals are completely different. Are you going to tell me that you would have no trouble bringing home 3 drunk friends and playing video games until 4 am in your parents house? Are you going to tell me that you would let one of your friends smoke a joint in your parents basement? Would you care if some guy dropped a beer on the carpet in the front room of your parent house? Of course you would, these are your parents assets and hopefully you don't bring home people that have no respect for their property, but if it was a rental with a stranger, its is different, you don't have the same moral obligation to your roommate or the landlord of a rental unit, as they are expecting a certain amount of damage to their property, that is why you give them a security deposit.

But your parents are a totally different ball of wax, and that is the way it should be, because they are allowing you to avail of their property even if you are contributing to the expenses of living there. They don't have to do that and that alone changes the dynamic.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Tried something different... bad move?
Posted: 3/10/2014 9:12:46 AM

Insights into his character you were able to glean while making
eyes at each other? Seriously? If it were up to people that thought
like this, people wouldn't meet anyone unless they were a friend of
a friend and came with two reams of introductions, resumes, and
references.


Come on, this woman knows nothing about this man other than she finds him physically attractive, and for her to argue that he wouldn't behave in a certain way is ludicrous, she knows nothing about him, in fact she never even had a conversations that included more than 3 words if that.

There is a whole lot between your "reams of resumes and references" and "a hot guy I never really spoke to wouldn't do anything like that". Both are ridiculous extremes.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Tried something different... bad move?
Posted: 3/10/2014 8:35:11 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^ While not all men think this way, a large portion do.

Please tell us what other insights about his character were you able to glean while you 2 were making eyes at each other across the room. You do realize how silly you sound dont you? You know nothing about this guy except that he gave you tingles in the panties, stop ascribing positive traits to a total stranger, that tends to get you into trouble...
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Asking out a girl from work
Posted: 3/10/2014 8:19:40 AM

We women usually know when a guy is sniffing around. He is a little friendlier, etc. All part of normal male/female behaviour. I would not advise asking her out until you get positive signals back. Hang out near her on breaks, lunch , etc. start up small talk. Ask her if she has seen a particular movie...bring a certain type of food into a conversation...dancing..activity. Trust me, we do get it. If we want to go out with you we will show some enthusiasm for something you bring up.

If not? I would back off and keep normal friendly. You do not want her to feel awkward around you.


I think this needs repeating again, sure most people will tell you to "man up", "go for it" or "what's the worst that can happen", however they aren't the ones that have to deal with the consequences of this going pear shaped, if this woman has done nothing other than be generally polite to you, I discourage you from thinking that there has to be something more going on here. Just because you find her attractive and she hasn't spit in your face, that doesn't equate to a potential romance. You have to understand that woman are capable of seeing men as something other than a means of sexual gratification, so do not misconstrue basic common courtesy as anything more...

PS. I don't remember your pointing out if you even know if she is single or not, Maybe I missed it in your post, but isn't that sort of an important detail in all of this?
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Tried something different... bad move?
Posted: 3/10/2014 7:54:08 AM
Who knows. Some men will see this as desperate as they have a weird idea that any woman that would actively persue a man must have a screw loose because clearly woman are supposed to be passive and get offered sex so much she must be desperate if she tried to initiate contact. ( Or something like that as it clearly makes no sense to a reasonably intelligent person)

Maybe he was interested in a hot bit of fun that night and the opportunity passed....

How far away from this guy do you live? If we are talking Toronto to Guelph, my guess there are way too many women that are closer to where he is that would be more attractive to him. If he is local, then all you can do is wait and see what he does. I suggest that you ignore the urge to go back if you know for sure that he did get your card. That could come across as desperate...
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 33 (view)
 
After getting dropped in that freind zone should I keep seeing her or break it off?
Posted: 3/10/2014 7:41:20 AM

And Oh NOOOOO! honey your reading me completely wrong.I am only continuing to a pursue a relationship under "freind" status with this person with the assumption that this can develop into something more as I made clear to her.

If she chooses or I suspect her of messing around with other guys then BOOM! she's made her bad choice and Im gone and that includes as being a friend.

Trust me I am monitoring this situation VERY closely. ;)


Op do you not see how very wrong this whole mindset is? She has told you that you make her uncomfortable and your awkwardness is too much. I would be willing to bet that she will drop off the radar within the next few days because she only agreed to "friends" as a way to stop the completely over the top and uncomfortable conversation that was going on.

How you managed to twist this into your current belief that you are in a position of strength in this "friendship" is quite impressive. Do you really believe that this girl will be all that sad to have some emotionally draining and awkward guy stop demanding friendship from her? Trust me, the first time you try to piss on her leg, she will punt you so far out of the park, you will need a cab to get back home...

I would pay money to hear her side of this story TBH...
 
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