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 Author Thread: What To Do If You Are Ever Stood Up...........
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 57 (view)
What To Do If You Are Ever Stood Up...........
Posted: 11/21/2013 12:11:29 PM
I totally agree with the OP. What is more, I too have taken revenge on a man for standing me up.

He asked me to travel nearly 2 hrs by train to meet him in London. We both swapped mobile phone numbers. We each had one another's home phone numbers and email address.

He rang me at home at 10am and said he was just leaving his town to meet me. (He also had nearly 2hrs to travel.)

I had my phone on the whole train journey and he did not call or text. He stood me up in London. Naturally, while waiting I called his mobile several times. It was switched off. I rang his home and got the answerphone and left a message. I waited 30 minutes and caught the train back home. Sat two hours on the train with my phone and he didn't text or phone. Hmph!

Waste of six hours of my time and £20 in train fare, and my nerves, emotions, annoyance etc. When I got home I was astonished to find no message on my phone, no email.

So I just shrugged it off like the posters on here said.

Three months later he contacted me again via the dating site we originally met on, saying that "something came up" on the day we were supposed to meet in London. Yeah "something came up" between his phoning me at 10am and our date at 12noon, hmph!

I pretended to forgive him and like to OP said, made another date. But I told him he'd have to refund my train fare AND pay my train fare for the second date. He sent the money. And then I had him got all the way to London, where I stood him up.

The OP would be proud of me!
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 52 (view)
The much sought after emotion...Love
Posted: 11/21/2013 11:45:20 AM
Love between romantic partners doesn't exist. Or, if it does it's extremely rare.

When people say "I love you" what they really mean is "You have something I want" and/or "I want to own and control you".

The thing they "want" might be your company, your protection, your housekeeping skills, your ability to make them laugh, sex, your earning potential, your potential as a co-parent to their future children, your presence to stop them being lonely, or your presence to make them "whole" because without a partner they feel they are without their "other half".

People will go to all kinds of self-deluding denials, and try to dress "love" up, but this is the plain truth of it.

When that person no longer provides the service needed, it soon turns to hate, as the above poster has so aptly pointed out.

Whenever a man tells a woman that he loves her, the ownership begins pretty much straight away.
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 28 (view)
20 dates no spark :-s
Posted: 11/19/2013 8:23:13 AM
Wordsmith - I don't have a problem with that one, actually. Men also like to have a sexual outlet and why should he give that up until he has met Miss Right?

I fail to see why it's considered to be so virtuous to have no sex life until you are in a LTR. What if the man NEVER finds Miss Right? You would prefer him to go the rest of his life without sex at all? Why's that, then?

(PS -- I am not allowed to start new threads.)
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 47 (view)
Posted: 11/19/2013 8:19:12 AM
Wordsmith - how shallow am I? I am disappointed that a man who is a professional proofreader has so many grammar errors on his profile (e.g. spaghetti bolognese does not need capitals, and there are lots of missing commas).
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 82 (view)
Women Confuse Me
Posted: 11/19/2013 7:08:00 AM
^^^ I agree with imlivin

When a woman flaunts herself across a bed in her profile shot, what she is saying is: "THIS is what you can have IF you get involved in a deep, meaningful, long term relationship with me."

What men think she is saying is "You can come and f*ck me right now".
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 73 (view)
Middle-aged Tardy Dates
Posted: 11/19/2013 6:58:21 AM
One lovely summer's day, when it seemed a shame to be in some dingy pub, I arranged to meet a first date on the seafront. I told him I would be sitting on the first bench to the east of Hastings Pier. And that was where I sat... and waited... and waited. I wasn't unduly worried because he was driving 30 miles to get here and could have been delayed in traffic.

After 30 minutes I rang his mobile, and he was on his way back to his car, having waited 40 minutes (he'd got there early) on the first bench the the WEST of the pier! So I explained that I'd waited half an hour on the bench on the other side of the pier, and said I was sorry he had misunderstood, adding, 'oh never mind, we've found each other now, I'll just stay exactly where I am and you can come and find me'. His reply was that the 40-minute wait had so pissed him off that he was no longer in the right frame of mind to meet anyone. After that he blanked me!
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 105 (view)
Bittersweet excitement.....buying a house w/o someone to share the fun
Posted: 11/19/2013 6:50:21 AM
Crystal - the OP replied, right above your post.

OP - I bought a house on my own 15 years ago, after having always lived with my male partner. Yes, at first it feels like there is "someone missing" but as the years go by you come to bear it, then accept it grudgingly, then accept it happily, then enjoy it, and then one day you wake up and realise that you actually don't want to share your living space with a man. Then you start worrying that you will meet someone and he'll want to move in together and you won't want to, and that becomes the new thing to fret about!
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 105 (view)
How far would you travel to meet someone?
Posted: 11/19/2013 5:42:25 AM
I personally have travelled to Amsterdam (from Hastings) to meet a man I'd chatted to on a dating site.

My friend went to Peru for his first date with a lady and now they are married.

As for now, it would depend on how good a match I thought we were. I'd only travel a long way if I really thought he was Mr Right, and only after many phone calls, Skype calls, emails, etc over weeks.
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 45 (view)
Posted: 11/19/2013 5:33:55 AM
Loving this thread.

I was once accused (on an online forum) of being "shallow" after I rejected a man because, during our first meeting, he dribbled from the corner of his mouth constantly, mopping it now and again with a cotton hankie. Those who called me shallow said he was probably a "really nice bloke" and I "should have given him a chance".
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 27 (view)
20 dates no spark :-s
Posted: 11/19/2013 5:19:18 AM
This question leads me on to a related question, which I hope everyone will give their opinion on. It's a sort of "moral dilemma" and is about someone who finds it hard to find that "spark". Ok here goes..

My friend is 52 and has been looking for a new life partner since her husband died a few years ago. She's been on loads of dates but has not found that "spark" with anyone - in other words, anyone she can imagine herself ever wanting to have sex with. About a year into this "dating game" she met a man with whom the sexual attraction was electric but that is all they have -- he is completely unsuitable as a partner. They became lovers and both were happy with this "temporary" arrangement, knowing that it will come to an end once one of them finds their "proper" life partner. The thing is, this "temporary" thing has lasted for four years and she still hasn't found any man that is suited to her.

As we are always being told that we should be 100% honest and upfront from the start, my friend, when asked, has admitted to one or two potential dates that she has a lover, that it's a sex-only thing and that she'd give him up for Mr Right. Every time she has been honest in this way, the man has instantly stopped contacting her. So now she always hides that she has a lover. This becomes an outright lie when, for example, on a third date a man she liked asked her how she managed to go without sex for the past five years and she just smiled and would not answer.

She isn't going to give up her lover in favour of a man she is chatting to online, whom she may never meet, or just before she goes on her first date. She cannot keep dropping him then reconciling with the lover every time she chats to a new man online or goes on a first meet. If she tells the potential date about the lover then he dumps her, and if she doesn't then she is "lying from the start".

I thought that her situation raised an interesting moral dilemma and would like to hear others' views.
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 42 (view)
Anyone ever find a relationship through online dating?
Posted: 11/19/2013 5:00:25 AM
Yes yes and YES

I was with a guy 8 years after meeting him online.

A close friend has recently married a woman he met right here on POF.

I know other couples who have met on here and other sites and been together 6 months, a year etc.
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 42 (view)
Has your type evolved over time?
Posted: 11/19/2013 4:39:09 AM
I'm in my fifties and the main thing that has changed for me is that when I was in my teens I thought it was really cool for a guy to be bisexual. It was tail end of the hippie, free love era, the time of Marc Bolan and David Bowie and androgynous men who dabbled with other men were hip.

Now if I see on a man's profile on a dating site that he is bi, I would not touch him with a barge pole!
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 36 (view)
The much sought after emotion...Love
Posted: 11/4/2013 11:51:23 AM
It's a mug's game.

People should try to love themselves more.
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 56 (view)
Give date feedback
Posted: 8/21/2013 10:12:34 AM
It's really just like leaving feedback on Ebay!
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 102 (view)
circular dating
Posted: 8/12/2013 4:22:06 AM
I agree 100% with you, Hwy27hikergirl.

I, too, agree with circular dating, for the reasons the OP gave. Though surely it is "multiple" dating, not circular? Circular seems to imply dating them in rotation, when in fact you might see one more frequently than the other depending on distance apart and availability.

When it comes to the over-45s, why do we have to "settle down" with any one of the people we are dating, anyway? I can understand fully when we are citing youngsters who are looking for someone to have children with, but, really, if one is older and settled in one's home, career and lifestyle, what is so terrible about dating different men? It seems to me that we are still influenced by so many oldfashioned notions, mostly informed by religion and backed up by jealousy and possessiveness, which is endorsed in our culture.

If you REALLY don't want to be vulnerable by letting one man have so much power over you, don't ever let him be your one and only.

Sapphireeyes wrote:

"As long as there are women who are willing to let men pick and chose who they want to be with, then men are going to pick and chose who they are going to be with."

Are you saying that people have no right to pick who they want to be with?

Do women REALLY have sex with men they do not fancy, just to "be in a relationship"? Can anyone else confirm this?

(BTW Sapphire, please don't take offence but, if you are going to use the word "lose" so frequently, it might be an idea to spell it correctly.)
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 71 (view)
How far would you travel to meet someone?
Posted: 8/11/2013 10:31:48 AM

"Years ago I travelled from Hastings to Amsterdam to meet a man for the first time. It worked out fine and we had a long distance relationship. Eventually we split because neither would move countries."


"Don't you think you could have saved a lot of time, effort, money and heartache if you had at least spoken about that kind of thing before you met Curvy?"

1. I do not consider the time I spent with him, or the money and effort we both spent travelling on Eurostar for weekends in one another's country to have been "wasted".

2. Who said anything about "heartache?" Only you! There was no heartache.

3. If I had initiated a discussion about who was going to move countries before I'd even met the guy, you would have also criticised me for that!

Besides which, you cannot possibly know whether you want to move countries UNTIL you have spent time staying in the other's country.

You cannot possibly know whether you think the relationship WORTH moving countries for, UNTIL you have spent a deal of time with that person.

Ten years on and we are still mates and still in email contact. I even met him last year when I was in Holland. He's a lifelong pal. I call that a success.
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 160 (view)
horror stories from online dating......
Posted: 8/11/2013 9:22:53 AM
" i was told he brought home three women in one day and had sex with all three of them. i hope he used a condom!"

I hope he used three.
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 63 (view)
Best way to say you arent interested?
Posted: 8/11/2013 9:21:31 AM
How about...I just want to disclose that I have a venereal disease and right now it's flaring up. We can maybe meet up when the infection has subsided - I'm currently on medication. I just wanted to be completely open and I hope you're still interested.

LOL.... brilliant!
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 68 (view)
Have you ever dated a nympho?
Posted: 8/11/2013 9:18:56 AM
Many of the men I've had first dates with have been nymphos lolol...
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 66 (view)
Education and Career... Why ?
Posted: 8/11/2013 9:13:54 AM
I'm done with brainy men! Too much like hard work --- complicated, argumentative, demanding and unfathomable.

I'll settle for someone who dropped out of school, so long as he has common sense, isn't lazy, and knows how to love.
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 155 (view)
What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 8/11/2013 9:11:02 AM

^^^he wasn't asking you to question his wants.... he was asking you to appease them.

you didn't hear what he was really asking when he said "I want one who is still sweet and nice"

that was your cue to prove how sweet and nice you could be, but you called him illogical instead.

But there would be no point in misrepresenting myself to him because if we starting dating I would find it too much of a strain to continuously act the part of someone I am not.

The aim here ISN'T just to get a date at all costs, even if it means suppressing our true personalities! It is to find someone compatible, AND to find someone who accepts us as we are, as ourselves, not someone play-acting.

Conversely, I would not want to be in a relationship with a man who has ridiculous expectations, like the one under advisement -- i.e. HE is allowed to have baggage and I am not.
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 43 (view)
The Best Sex Ever....
Posted: 8/11/2013 9:00:35 AM
What or who is sex supposed to be for, anyway?

This question arose in my mind after having a guy ask me if I like sex, and when I replied "Depends with whom" he was bewildered. In his book, a woman either likes it (and therefore will do it with him) or she doesn't. Are people really this undiscerning? To me it matters 100% who it is with!
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 74 (view)
POF Profile Translations
Posted: 8/11/2013 8:55:36 AM
Asereco seems to have totally misunderstood the posting he is critiquing!
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 30 (view)
Marrying during the Retirement Years
Posted: 8/11/2013 8:49:40 AM
I'm not rich enough to support two. However, I do own a big house and would be happy to provide a free roof over my future husband's head in return for his doing practical tasks in return.

I would absolutely hate to be dependent on my husband or any man, though. I would feel I was living on my knees with no rights.
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 49 (view)
The friend zone
Posted: 8/8/2013 9:45:14 AM
I don't really understand any of this.

If someone does not want a sexual relationship with you, you cannot and do not have the right to try to persuade them otherwise.

No one has any rights over other people's bodies or sexuality.

If you like the person why not accept the offer of friendship?

If you do not like the person why did you want a relationship?

Friendships are to be treasured.
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 59 (view)
How far would you travel to meet someone?
Posted: 8/8/2013 9:39:59 AM
Over the past few years I've had men travel from Manchester, London, Hemel Hempstead, Reading, Bristol, Portsmouth, Southampton and Colchester (to Hastings) to meet me for a first date, but the most impressive was a man who cycled 40 miles here and 40 miles back to spend two hours with me a few weeks ago.

Years ago I travelled from Hastings to Amsterdam to meet a man for the first time. It worked out fine and we had a long distance relationship. Eventually we split because neither would move countries.

But asking the question of myself, it's not really the distance but the ease of train travel. I'd go 65 miles by railway to London if, after emailing, chatting and Skyping, I thought I had finally found Mr Right.
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 186 (view)
Wierdest things Dates have done!
Posted: 8/8/2013 9:20:37 AM
Thanks for the thread, which had me laughing out loud.

The best I can offer from recent times is a guy I never met. He messaged me on here the day before he went away on a course for two weeks, so we could only email and not meet for that time.

After we had exchanged only a handful of messages he said that he'd told the other guys on the course that his girlfriend was an author, and they were impressed. This came as a bit of a shock to me as on his profile he said he was single. "Your girlfriend?" I asked. "Yeah, you," he replied. While I was reeling in bewilderment he went on about the future we were going to have together once I moved in with him.

That put me right off, and I never met him. A year later, and by sheer coincidence, I ran into him (last week) in a public place, but I don't think he recognised me!
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 61 (view)
Is attraction a choice ?
Posted: 7/21/2013 6:59:06 AM
PETER 1951

"Wouldn't it be true to say that whatever you think is right for you....... is (probably) right for you ?
whatever others think is right for them.............. is (probably) right for them?"

Yes indeed, I think you are absolutely right. The amateur philosopher/psychologist in me cannot help analysing, though, how other women cope with this tricky problem.Am I destined to be single forever until I can somehow "learn" to tolerate lovemaking with someone whose personality I adore but for whom I have no sexual attraction?


"you are sooo right....those women are jealous that you know what want and will not settle for less. There is nothing wrong with being an modern independent woman at all."

I honestly don't see it as "knowing what I want" and not "settling". That sounds like a person who is demanding and self-entitled when it isn't like that at all.

Take today for example. I met up with a man I met on another site some years ago, with whom I am now long term close platonic friends. He's still lurching from one non-starter to another, unable to find a woman who is a match for him; and I'm not much different. We get on extremely well as people, as best friends, companions, we have a great level of understanding and mutual empathy, and cannot imagine not being a part of each other's lives.

As we sat there chatting I tried to imagine myself in a sexual scenario with him, but I just cannot see him as sexually attractive, no matter how hard I try to. If only I could, then both of us would be sorted. Two lives solved, if you like, if I could only find a way of seeing him in that light. I tried it over in my mind a few times, but I could not feel anything for him in that way, no more than I could for my brother or my father, for example. So it's not a case of not "settling" as such, as not being able to give him what he would (obviously) want as part of a normal relationship.

But maybe, if he ever reaches an elderly age when he no longer wants that, and nor do I, and we are both still alive and single, we'll be old age companions. You never know!
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 23 (view)
Typical Progression to Meeting in Person
Posted: 7/21/2013 6:23:52 AM
^^^ very sound advice from Silver Sparks.

Same thing has happened to me on other sites -- overwhelmed with interest after I first joined, but only 1% turned out to be viable prospects.

("sausage-fest" ROFLMAO)
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 53 (view)
Is attraction a choice ?
Posted: 7/20/2013 12:50:56 AM
This is a subject very close to my heart. This is because I find myself out of step with other women on this issue.

On a women's general discussion group a thread was started asking how effective were dating sites. I posted my experiences, which have been, mainly, that I have met an awful lot of men who are Ok-ish, but I very rarely feel any physical attraction to them, so there seems no point in seeing them again as the majority make it clear that they expect the relationship to become sexual at some point.

Now, the interesting thing is that subsequent posters berated me for not giving these guys a chance. They said that the sexual thing would come once I grew to love the man. They said that if a man is good to me, treats me well, buys me things, takes me on holiday etc, and is offering me a long term relationship, I should just kind of grit my teeth and go to bed with him. They said that the sex doesn't have to be mind-blowing, that I could "act up" a bit, you know, oohs and aahs at the right moments, or fantasise about some sexy actor or something. Some women chimed in and said that they had actually married men who were suitable in every other way (good provider, nice attitude, sober, clean, etc) but for whom they had no sexual attraction - and yet they made it work.

It was clear from other posting that this behaviour was pretty universal or at least advised and acceptable to most women. Some were actually quite cross with me for judging then discarding potential partners purely on the basis of sexual appeal. I was accused of being "look-ist"; I was told that, as I am "no oil painting" I had an "overblown sense of entitlement" that I somehow "deserved" an attractive mate (which, to their mind, being fat, I do not) and that I ought to be grateful for any male sexual attention, and not reject men just because I do not fancy them.

Some of their comments left a nasty taste in my mouth, as I think that it started to border on prostituting myself. One woman advised me to ham it up so that I could be taken on a cruise. My reaction to that is, I'd rather pay for myself, and retain the right to refuse sex.

It's left me in quite a quandary, philosophically. I can't work out who's "right" - me or them? Am I really asking too much to expect to actually fancy a man as well as like him? Do women REALLY live their (love) lives in that way? And how does it work out in real life? You get into a sexual scenario with someone that you are either neutral about (been there, done that!) or find physically repulsive. And then what? Can it really ever work? Wouldn't a woman have to be a consummate actress (as I guess prostitutes have to be) to conceal her disgust/distaste/neutrality/lack of interest?

Is the fact that women marry men they don't fancy the reason that, when they have had their children, they refuse sex and their hubbies end up, in their millions, on dating and sex-contact sites, visiting pros and phoning sex lines?

I'd love to hear others' opinions on this.
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 60 (view)
Finding love when your older, is it possible? Really?
Posted: 7/20/2013 12:14:43 AM
Before asking the question, you must first define "love".

When I was 16 and fell madly, passionately in love I never thought about the future, or the consequences of my actions, the practicalities - I didn't think about anything except how much I wanted to spend every moment possible with my man. I left home and moved in with him, in a place he was buying with a mortgage, with no thought about how I was going to be "left behind" in "property-ladder" terms. Because I wanted to be with him all the time we weren't at work, I barely ever saw my family or friends, and never without him by my side. I once threw a huge tantrum, barring his way out when he wanted to go to an event without me.

I never thought about the future. For example that he was on his way to owning a London home, while I wasn't even putting anything by in savings. The thought that we would ever split up never once crossed my mind, and so I just assumed that, as he was buying a place, that would always be my home. I had no Plan B in place to ensure my accommodation if we did split up. I was so unrealistic that I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with a man I'd met when I was 15! Looking back, it sounds really daft, but at that time it seemed normal, and sane. (My naivety meant that, when we split up when I was 21, I was left homeless and had to go back and live with my mother, and was unable to get onto the property ladder without going halves in with someone else!)

So yeah, love is VERY different when you are older. Once I passed about 30, and had property, a career, etc, no matter how much I was head-over-heels (and I fell madly, passionately in love twice during my late 30s and late 40s) I was much more self protective. When I thought about living with each of my beaus, I thought about protecting my assets, I thought about how we could make it fair on both parties with regard to property, money, etc. I would make sure neither of us lost out if we should split up or when one of us dies. AND I stopped thinking I needed to be with my man every free moment. I saw the benefits of having time apart, a chance to miss one another as well as a need to have our own friends and hobbies.

So yes, you can definitely fall in love in later life (my father did: he married aged 70). But it's different - you have your head screwed on, you are less needy (hopefully) and it's not so intense. And it's less about sex and more about personality, companionship, a deep trust and compassion. It's more, well, SANE!
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 145 (view)
What's so Wrong with Being Jaded?
Posted: 7/19/2013 11:55:09 PM
Re Mr Johnson's post above:

I'd love to hear people's comments on this one:

Last night I was chatting to a 49-year-old guy online (another site, with a chat facility) and the conversation went like this..

He: Are you divorced?
Me: No, single.
He: Cos I don't date divorced women.
Me: (perplexed) Why's that?
He: They are bitter, you know, been hurt and all that.
Me: LOL - most people of our age have been hurt - haven't you?
He: Yeah, loads of times, and that is why I don't want a woman who's been spoiled, and is cynical about men. I want one who is still sweet and nice.
Me: You've been hurt lots of times, but you don't want a woman who has had the same experiences as you? I find that a bit illogical, TBH.
He: You sound cynical, just like the rest. Bye...

And he disconnected!
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 23 (view)
Got stood up because date accused me of being a hoax.
Posted: 7/18/2013 1:11:18 PM
I never got stood up for being a hoax BUT ... funny story really .... the most recent photo of me was one taken with me standing next to a well known TV presenter. So when a guy on here asked for my most recent photo, without thinking it through I just emailed that one.

His response was, "Sorry, not interested in threesomes..." and when I replied to explain, he'd blocked me!
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 53 (view)
does online dating foster grass is always greener mentality?
Posted: 7/18/2013 1:04:03 PM

"The problem with most online dating sites is there is no third party intervention to screen the applicants (i.e. profiles, photos, background, etc.) and match people up."

Hahaha what a daft comment. There is no "third party intervention to screen the applicants" in real life, either!

Let's face it, when I make contact with a man on POF, I know more about him than a man who says hello to me in the swimming pool!
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 116 (view)
Am I wrong to expect old fashioned manners?
Posted: 7/18/2013 12:38:50 PM
I have no idea what "playing grabass" is.

Nothing I did "impacted" on him, as you put it.

I would have been outside the front door at 0830 as agreed, because I had booked a cab for that time and I am never, NEVER late for any appointment.

I know exactly how long it takes me to get ready to go swimming because I have been going 2 to 3 times a week for twelve years.

Agreeing to meet someone at 0830 does not entitle them to "own" your time or your actions at any time before 0830. So long as you are there at the appointed time, what gives anyone the right to dictate what you "should" be doing at 0800 or 0810?
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
Are there really so many weirdos on here?
Posted: 7/16/2013 9:55:14 AM
Well, I think it's rather strange when a man thinks "alot" is one word. Would you also write "alittle" for "a little"?

Seriously, though... what I think is freaky is being hit on by boys of 18-22 when I am in my mid-50s. I do not know what they wanted with me, but whatever it was, it's gonna be freaky! On top of that, they all lived 300 to 600 miles away. Their messages consisted of them pleading with me, trying to convince me that they were right for me (without having met me) and that "distance is no object when two people are right for one another" (except they wrote that last bit in text-speak!)

New rules have stopped that, but I still get it on other sites.
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 87 (view)
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 7/15/2013 1:59:27 AM
"phone dumped! long term relationship too....easy on his end, amazing how fast you do turn into yesterdays newspaper!"

Yup... I was phone-dumped completely unexpectedly, 8 years into a relationship. I'd seen him that very morning and he was as affectionate and happy with me as he always was... Never had any contact since, so I never found out why.
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 86 (view)
What is the worst way you were ever dumped?
Posted: 7/15/2013 1:57:26 AM
I had been going out with a man for about two years. He met someone else and started dating her behind my back. He told her about me, and she said that she would not continue to see him until he had finished with me AND got over me. She said that would take about six months, so he was to contact her again in 6 months.

He then came to me, told me all about it, and informed me that we were going to be together for six more months, then he was going to dump me for her.

Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 11 (view)
Continuing to chat after their holiday?
Posted: 7/15/2013 1:50:24 AM
I guess she is back now! What happened, op?
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 13 (view)
Is hair that much of an issue?
Posted: 7/15/2013 1:44:14 AM
"Things like obesity to me are a true concern, because that's a choice, usually, and a reflection of a careless and undisciplined lifestyle."

Why do you feel the need to raise obesity and then fling some random insults at larger people on a thread about baldness?
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 74 (view)
Internet dating = The 'backwards' method?
Posted: 7/15/2013 1:33:13 AM
In my experience, in my 40s and 50s, the trouble with all that "catching a stranger's eye across a crowded room" stuff is that it leads me constantly from one disappointment after another. The stranger is always already attached, and if I have done any flirting etc, I look like a fool as well as being knocked back.

I much prefer the net. At least I know the guy is looking!
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 48 (view)
what was the biggest age difference between couples?
Posted: 7/15/2013 1:29:21 AM
Me 54
He 19

One night stand. An appalling error of judgment on my part. It was awkward, embarrassing and miserable and he followed it up with the most insulting email I have ever received.

Years ago when I was 18 I had a one-off with a man of about 45. It was brilliant!
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 22 (view)
Am I being an idiot
Posted: 7/15/2013 1:15:31 AM
Just wanna say -- JESSIE BUNNIES your long post was AWESOME.

You ought to set up as a relationship counsellor for girls!

You rock!
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
The point of playing games
Posted: 7/15/2013 1:07:46 AM
" It's an immaturity thing, for the most part, and you wouldn't want to hang with one of them, even if you chanced to fit into their messy schedule by accident one day. "

^^^^ THIS ^^^^
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 21 (view)
Is there really a type for you?
Posted: 7/11/2013 9:02:10 AM
Night.Yes wrote

"i would say if anorexia and such like are mental conditions then there are probably mental conditions that would cause someone to eat more and gain weight"

Your point makes perfect logical sense. It is quite nonsensical and illogical to say that anorexia is a genuine medical condition and obesity isn't. And worse, the people who argue that aren't even medically trained, so they should keep their ignorant comments to themselves. They try to cover it up, but the root of it is, they simply hate fat people and want to denigrate and abuse them, and they think they can get away with it by blaming the fat person for being fat.

I do not overeat and I am not fat out of choice but from a medical condition diagnosed by a senior consultant endocrinologist (apparently our fat-hating member on here knows more about my condition than he does!)

However, if people choose to be fat, that is also their personal choice and it isn't anyone else's business. To call someone rude and insulting names just because they do not bow down and mould themselves into YOUR idea of attractiveness is incredibly vain and ignorant.
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 42 (view)
Describe what your perfect mate would be like.
Posted: 7/11/2013 8:52:01 AM
Ladies want a "Bad" Guy that will be 'Good' just for Them.
Guys want a "Good" Girl that will be 'Bad' just for Them.

How true!
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 117 (view)
Are there ever any happy ever afters on POF with over 45's?
Posted: 7/11/2013 8:28:12 AM
Yes a man I met on here has just got married to a woman he met on POF. He is 60, she is 50.

They emailed and phoned from about July to October, met in October, spent a month together and married in November.

So, yes, it can happen.
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 38 (view)
Life is less and less worthwhile
Posted: 7/11/2013 8:21:22 AM
1) Get as healthy as you can
2) Do whatever to stay that way
3) Find a friendly woman to spend time with (there are hordes of them out there)
4) Spend your money on traveling first class as much as possible
5) Love without worrying about whether its "right"
6) Let yourself be loved
7) Get viagra if you need it.....

^^^^^^^ THIS ^^^^^^^^

Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 18 (view)
Is there really a type for you?
Posted: 7/10/2013 3:29:57 AM
Yes there is a type for me and when I try to bypass it, it never works. I've very often started messaging someone because his personality appeals, thinking I could learn to overcome my repugnance to his appearance. It never works. My repugnance eventually manifests itself when we meet and I cringe even at a peck on the cheek.

"I wish I could be honest and just explain to them that if they could lose a few stone they would be fighting the guys off."

Apart from the fact that this isn't true - LOADS of thin/slim/average build women have been on dating sites for a long time and still found no one - it amazes me that comments like that are perfectly socially acceptable.

If you said depressed women should just cheer up then they would be fighting the guys off, or that anorexics should just go and eat a few square meals, or something equally crass, the PC brigade would come down on you like a ton of bricks.

When people are seriously obese it is an illness; sometimes mental but mostly physical. If they COULD "just" go off and lose a few stone, just like that, the way you seem to think, they would have done so long ago, not to attract sexual partners, but for their own health and comfort.

As a woman who is large through a hormone disfunction, I find your comment extremely offensive.

It's also incorrect -- I've been on loads of dates and have had (sexual) relationships with men for nearly 40 years (despite having been large since a teenager). I also know many women who are about my size and every one of them is either happily married or in a long term relationship.
Joined: 5/28/2010
Msg: 20 (view)
Astrological signs do you rely on them?
Posted: 7/10/2013 3:23:45 AM
No, I do not believe in astrology or that their are traits that go with certain star signs.

You'll find that no Cancerians believe in astrology, because we all have a cynical streak.
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