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 Author Thread: What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 48 (view)
 
What kind of response rates are other guys seeing here?
Posted: 8/4/2012 11:33:19 AM
MotoGPatrick
This is Off Topic - so I apologize.

Thank you for your service. Know that there are a lot folks here thinking good thoughts and praying for you and the others that serve our country.

Be safe and take care.
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 77 (view)
 
The more people I date
Posted: 8/3/2012 7:37:53 PM
DanaScully88,
It's entertaining to read that you took from NewEnlanderinMo's post that the women were "gold diggers". I took from it that some women want to obfuscate their standards for what qualifies as "financially secure" and he was asking for honesty from them. The diversity of opinions is as broad as each persons' experiences. While I agree with NewEnglandinMo's plea, I can also agree that both genders need to be mindful that romantic choices can have financial consequences. Unfortunately.
Good luck in determining "whether it's destiny, bad luck, or poor timing." and finding a solution.
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 74 (view)
 
The more people I date
Posted: 8/2/2012 11:55:38 PM
DanaScully88,
I was just standing up to offer that NewEngland's experiences weren't uncommon or unique to some of us guys.

I stated an opinion based on personal theory. You're quite correct, life isn't ideal. I haven't found any women (or a woman) that has the same basic values, shared interests, similar life experiences and that finds me suitable material for a relationship. I've been dating for better part of 36 years.
I might be jumping to a conclusion, but are you saying that preparing for the "eventual" failure of a relationship means never entering into one? Can self-preservation be defined more broadly than just home ownership/personal savings perhaps?
I think having the idea that relationships are transitory says more about how you've processed your life experiences than careful analysis of facts.
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 68 (view)
 
The more people I date
Posted: 8/2/2012 7:48:08 PM
Five - Marie,
I implied nothing of the kind. I stated that they couldn't afford to buy a home once they had divorced. Interestingly, one of those examples I offered was a situation where the husband had worked and saved for two decades and bought a house. He then met his future Ex-wife. She came into the relationship with no assets and some debts.. She wanted to further her artistic skills and try to make a business of her artwork - which never happened during the marraige. After years of marriage, she initiated the divorce to live life with a new man that "got her". She also got my friend's house since she had never worked and had spousal support paid too. Your point that some women contribute to the household is certainly valid, just not in this (and perhaps many) instance.

DanaScully88,
I wasn't defending or attacking the practice. I also thought the word "average" seemed a better word to describe that group then say, "normal". I was stating that it's a more common mindset than you seemed to think based on you asking NewEngland about what kind of women he was meeting.
While I can see it's a practical and pragmatic approach to whom you might start a relationship with; it just seems elitist and shallow on the other hand.
I still prefer to think relationships are better when based on both participants giving the relationship the same importance in their life.
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 65 (view)
 
The more people I date
Posted: 8/1/2012 9:06:49 PM
DanaScully88,
NewEngland is dating the same kind of women I have found in my area. I've had women tell me since I didn't own a house (and they did) that I was something of a liability. They got their homes from their ex-husbands in the divorce. They couldn't have afforded a home on their sole income now that they are divorced. They said if we had a brief relationship/marriage they might loose the house to me (in a divorce) and it wasn't a chance they wanted to take. They thought I was a nice guy, but...

I know several women socially that have made it very clear that any male candidate for dating must earn more than they do. They are college education women that have responsible jobs and past marriages.

You might think differently than they do, but you shouldn't put some onus on NewEngland since he's dealing with somewhat "average" women that are in the dating pool. Look around you and ask some others in your age group how they feel about this -you might be somewhat surprised.
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
ex boyfriends and guy friends
Posted: 9/1/2011 8:33:56 PM
OP:
I certainly can't speak for the ladies, but I can speak for my own experiences. I'm friends with a sizable group of women. I'm their friend and nothing else. I haven't dated any of them or had any "romantic physical contact" with them. Nor do I want any of that from them. I am not any sort of threat to the men that want to date them (unless they're rapists) whatsoever. If you think a woman you're dating is somehow holding the" friend" in reserve or some such nonsense , back away. If they're being evasive about the friendship and they never bring the "friend" around, back away. I meet many of my friend's boyfriends after a period of time.

Exs' are a whole 'nother story. I just try to not get too emotionally involved with them until I think I'm dealing with the real woman. Sometimes if the woman has some sort of problem that might involve calling someone else to lend a hand - see who she calls first and why. That's a rather telling sign in my mind.
Otherwise just use your common sense.
HTHs
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 237 (view)
 
Introduce Yourself Here.
Posted: 11/16/2010 8:53:40 AM
MsButtons,
Try putting this fixed address into your browser: http://forums.plentyoffish.com
HTHs
Gemguy
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Will You Change
Posted: 8/14/2010 2:04:37 AM
Hey Kowboi,
Good to see you too. I hope you realize there were several accounts of the Constitutional Convention. I wouldn't just rely on one. I think its fair to say the founding fathers did a incredible job of creating a document that is adaptive and evolving. They knew there was a need to modify and add amendments, hence why they put those measures in the Constitution. If you look at the government of modern Germany (postWW2) you find that we helped design them design a new government model that included public health care system. We won the war and they got a version of singe payer insurance. That was 60 something years ago so that would have been the Truman administration, I believe.

Health care as a government entitlement hasn't happened yet. Yeah, I know they signed the bill and all but it's still not here and won't be for years. Maybe not the answer you were looking for? How about this: When it becomes necessary to have the government step in because private industry (insurance companies) are screwing folks over bad. Go back in history and remember that we didn't always have certain governmental agencies. Take public transportation. Back when trains were pretty much the only public transportation and un-regulated, there were terrible train accidents. There were problems with how tracks were built and how fast trains went and how they were built. After many years of accidents getting worse and worse the public began to see that maybe just maybe there should be government oversight of the trains/tracks/railroad bridges. The railroad company owners fought like the****ns to stop any regulation, but they eventually lost. Thus was born the NTSB! Do we still have railroad accidents? Yep. But not generally ones that kill dozens several times a year in all major cities. I'd still rather have the NTSB than not have it, wouldn't you?

See Kowboi I have a problem with industries that want to self regulate. It doesn't work and never has worked. Not that the health care in this country hasn't had regulations it's just that health care insurance companies are getting away with murder. Literal murder. They decide that someone doesn't get the necessary treatments because it's too expensive when they pay C.E.O.s tens or hundreds of millions of dollars in salary. Your child dies 'cause a treatment is 200K, but the C.E.O. gets a new 100ft yacht and a condo in Vail. We might as well start calling some of these C.E.O.s "Lord" or "Your Highness" since they have life and death control of those folks they insure.
Do I want the government running health care in it's entirety? Hell no. I want the my elected officials to make sure the industry meets the moral and ethical standards considered normal in the rest of modern society. I could use the phase " regulate not dominate!" to describe my objectives.
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Will You Change
Posted: 8/10/2010 8:44:22 PM
Hey Kowboi, yep it's me again. I'd like to point out some problems with that argument (that competing with government is impossible). First, that's sort of comparing apples to oranges. Governments generally don't operate "industries" like health care. They simply provide health care. It's only in America (and a couple of 3rd world countries) that we have for-profit companies that operate within a health care industry. Our system wasn't awful until recently in the last decade or so. Secondly, when you ask "who's calling the shots?" I'd like to answer. The for-profit health care companies. The stupid health care bill passed gives very little power to the government. They basically said " You little people, you have to buy insurance and we'll make the insurance company profit wildly and require that you buy their product years before you get to use it." They solved none of the other problems that plague the system that drive up the costs (we discussed in earlier posts) and now they shove the system down our throats. I just love being forced to pay for insurance when some of the CEOs get paid in the HUNDREDS of Millions in salary over a brief time to run these companies. Talk about public subsidy. I think I'll spend some time sighting in the scope on my rifle.

Kbodley, I'm sorry to hear about your health care costs going up. I'm sure your son needs his meds and Doctor's visits. Unfortunately, I'd be paying almost twice what your son pays and I'm healthy (and 51) . My mind sympathizes with you while my wallet doesn't doesn't like it one bit. I believe everyone has to have health care but, we have a broken system that leads back to our broken political system. Money buys influence and influence changes laws. Kbodly have you been out protesting the CEO salarys and contacting your legislators? I've sent various emails to my congressman and senator. We have to get them to listen. Add your voice.
Gemguy
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Freakish to be over 30 and never have had a boyfriend?
Posted: 6/10/2010 8:54:39 PM
Bestwoman,
I think I've read the entire thread and so he's my best opinion.
In regards to your original question, odd not freakish.
Problem? Being the "Professional" that you are, why don't you accept responsibility for not communicating your own relationship expectations and needs to the past boyfriends? You could have avoided fruitless relationships if you had stated priorities and needs to the past BFs.
I get the idea that you have a healthy self image and are looking for outside help for hints to get another perspective. I don't get why it seems like you appear to be using 'only' dating sites to find a relationship rather than through additional activities like church, charity work, etc.
You also seem forget that the key to success in any situation with multiple variables and that have a plethora of outcomes is big numbers. The more you expose yourself to situations that could have a positive outcomes the great the chance of successful outcomes.
(Which also leads to a large number of rejections -of you by guys) You better work on you getting a thicker skin to deal with it too.

You're a cutie and obviously smart, so don't sweat it and get your little butt "out there".

You should also know, it takes another 30 years, 50 lbs. of body fat and a couple litters of kittens to be a Cat Lady.....
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Will You Change
Posted: 5/27/2010 7:58:20 PM
"Oh please, someone besides just me and Gemguy have to be in on this conversation :) "

Kowboi, I won't take that personally :-)

I also blanch at the idea that if I don't pay a large insurance company money that I will have to pay a tax as a penalty. I also hate the idea of having a second job just so I can afford insurance I might need. Either situation sucks hard.
Actually, we have had the government encroach on our rights. Luckily, the state of Oregon has enacted the Death with Dignity law and we can at least choose to end our lives within a given circumstance.
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Will You Change
Posted: 5/24/2010 8:59:12 PM
Kowboi,
With all due respect, having health care reform we are still free in every sense of the word. Individual freedoms are determined by the Bill of Rights and the Constitution. How does health care reform attack personal freedom? Kind of a leap to me. Right now a company gets to decide if you get the necessary operation or medication that you might need. They work out the numbers and decide life or death. The government would have to do the same thing. When the government does it from a larger pool of people the larger amount of funds does give them less incentive to turn down treatments. A business always has a profit motive. Government should have a incentive to reduce costs but rarely does. Nothing is perfect.
Greece's problem are a complex mess which includes some of our homegrown hedgefund types and other high powered fund managers that worked to help hide some of Greece's national debt. The Greek government did it to get into the EU. Same kind of crap the other countries like Romania were trying to do, but were much less successful in their execution.
In other words, American companies had a hand in some of Greece's problems. As for the EU failing; it will be a matter of IMF policies, large predatory banks and how each member government strategists decide to deal with the problems.
I wouldn't be so quick to point to the "European model" as a failure when the same greedy SOBs that have wrecked our economy have screwed with them. Actually - we need to reign in these reckless corporate pirates that seem to be running amok. I would love to read that 45-50 of the wealthiest individuals involved in these avarice based companies in the USA were found murdered. They need to pay a price for their crimes.
We have forgotten that greed knows no bounds and we need to remind them that not everyone is sheep-like in this country.
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Will You Change
Posted: 5/23/2010 2:44:07 PM
Kowboi,
I don't want to speak for those folks that want to "return to the motherland" , I will say that health care in this country is in crisis. It's OUR fault to boot. We have allowed our elected officials to use the tax code as a barter system for "getting things done in Washington" and helping those same officials to raise funds for re-election. Our way of electing people to office is skewed to the those with the deepest pockets. We have career politicians that have graduated from college and jumped into minor positions and worked their way to higher office. While in theory that's not necessarily a bad thing, they become millionaires in the process. Which is a problem. Becoming rich off of the political process is the same as getting rich from bribs.
Health care has been climbing rapidly in cost over the past few decades and it is a impediment to business in this country. Right at this moment, a large portion of individuals working in this country still have health care. Unfortunately, costs are not coming down and within 5-7 years we could see a large percentage of the working population be without insurance because of these high costs. Also (unfortunately) private enterprise hasn't stepped up to offer a viable solution. Not that it could. I have several friends that are medical doctors and they have the consummate student loans to prove it. When I talk with them about medical malpractice insurance you see a wave of pain come over their faces. The financial burden one undertakes to practice medicine is crushing. It has to be passed on to the consumer which is all of us. We pay that way and we pay when someone uses a hospitals' ER to treat those that cannot pay for insurance.
I don't agree with the bill that was passed and would like to see other measures implemented, but our corrupt political process kills them due to special interests.
I don't read any part of the constitution to read that health care is a right or that government should provide it. What I do read is government has broad powers that could include helping with health care. The constitutional framers didn't envision health care as a "right" anymore than they made being a good Samaritan a law. They had the expectation that people would get care as a matter of compassion. While they did a wonderful job in writing the constitution, they had the foresight to allow for it's amendment. For the document to grow in scope and direction. By the people, for the people...
I guess that I should say that we need to do something about health care in this country and fast before it strangles and poisons us. The steps taken aren't what I would do but at least it puts the problem into our face.
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Do hidden forums make you visit less often?
Posted: 5/16/2010 3:07:41 PM
Well now,
It's been the 4th since anyone has posted.
The admins evil plan is obviously working!
I won't give up without a yawn!
Yawn!
Gosh - I feel better now.
Gemguy
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Any other Oregonians able to find the forums?
Posted: 4/3/2010 4:34:11 PM
mseclectic,
I've saved the site on my bookmarks as the "forum page" so I haven't had any problems. I had to sign in from the opening page to find out that forum tab was gone.
I always found the Oregon portion of the forums to be dead. You mean it's worse? ;-)
Gemguy
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Will You Change
Posted: 4/3/2010 4:29:39 PM
As to the OP's question, No. I found the passage of the Health Care Bill to be the result of national organizations and not local.
I'm really disappointed that a better thought out bill wasn't passed. Before we start requiring things of citizens I'd really like to see big Pharma and the Insurance industry regulated along with some kind of Tort reform. I fear we'll all be enslaved by corporations in some way and this seems like the beginning. The worse part is how both parties are lying through their teeth and so few of our elected officials are working toward the common good. We created this mess and now we're having to live with it...
Still proud to be an American, but rather worried.
Gemguy
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Do women in Oregon ever mail first
Posted: 2/18/2010 11:58:27 PM
/Delurk
Hey,
Wildoutdoorguy and Bjswafford- congrats on finding each other! Hopefully, (God willing?) you can have the courtship and relationship you so richly deserve.
Take care.
/Relurk
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 31 (view)
 
How do you people stand to live in Portland or any big city?
Posted: 1/20/2010 11:30:16 PM
/Delurk/
[Guess my sarcasm didn't come across...:)]
Way over my head... Apparently others did though.

/Relurk/
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 20 (view)
 
When asked to tell me more about yourself
Posted: 1/20/2010 11:25:02 PM
/Delurk/
WildO.D.Guy,
As strange as this might sound , I'm sure if we met and had a beer(s) - we'd have a good time. With that in mind, let me say this : Come on Man, don't sound so *#@&ing depressed.
[ But hey, your having to grovel on this internet thing too, so I guess you must not be the perfect catch either.]
Groveling is generally not a good thing unless you're the one being groveled to and that's not even a given. For your information, I'm not here to grovel to anyone. Haven't met too many women worth that act. :-) Hopefully, you're not really here to grovel either Wild. By the choice of your words you really sound like you don't want to be doing this (internet thing) and might be secretly hoping a wonderful woman just drops into your lap. If I might, I would respectfully offer that you seek council in your faith and draw your strength from knowing Christ and his works. This dating thing is only an ordeal if you make it one and think of it as such. More importantly, women are NOT the enemy. I can only hope that if your daughter was assaulted for any reason, you'd be supportive of HER - rather than her attacker.
Give yourself some time after this problematic relationship you had a while back and stop trying to date, 'cause you won't be having much luck with your present attitude.
HTHs

/Relurk/
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
To the Blues fans in PDX area
Posted: 1/15/2010 12:00:45 AM
Delurk/

I hope any POFers that were at the Trails End Saloon enjoyed the show as much as I did.

If you weren't there, boy - did you miss out!

Special note: Moderators - I didn't see the rules about no websites posted. My sincere apologies.
Gemguy

Relurk/
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Internet Dating: The epitome of window shopping.
Posted: 1/14/2010 11:53:13 PM
Delurk/
Wow Jerishere! Thanks so much - I'm now part of the younger set!
I'll throw my cane away along with the Geritol. I will, however, be keeping the prunes...
Relurk/
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
 
To the Blues fans in PDX area
Posted: 1/12/2010 12:27:14 AM
I'm posting this here not as a POF event, but just as a heads up to Blues fans in the area.
I should also say I have no affiliation of any kind with the band, it's members or the club in any way.
To all of the Portland area POFers: You really shouldn't miss this band!

Big Monti playing at the Trails End Saloon in Oregon City on Wednesdays at 7:00pm.

If you're a fans of the Blues or just good music I have to recommend seeing these guys. They're great! Monti Amundson fronts this 5 piece band of local blues veterans. He has tremendous skills with a stratocaster and a great Blues voice to match. The rest of the band are great in their own rights. (Of course, I can't remember their names at the time I'm writing this, so sorry guys.) If you're in Portland, are a Blues fan, then they will be familiar. What I can't forget though, is how they play. They're tight, powerful and balanced and the fact they're enjoying themselves is quite evident. You can hear their influences (like Stevie Ray Vaugh and Buddy Guy to name a couple) and yet they still have a fresh approach to some Blues standards. They're not afraid to rock either - so be sure to hang on. I'll admit that 20something years ago, I saw Monti play as part of the Blubinos and I've been a fan ever since.
They start at 7:00 (rather 9:00) and that works really well for folks like my self that don't want to watch shows into the wee hours of the morning on a weeknight. I have no idea what the cover might be, but I paid $5.00 cover at Duff's Garage last week to see them and it was the bast $5.00 I'd spent in a long time.
I'll be there with some friends (hopefully). You could waste your Wednesday night or you could come by and have a great time. Don't ever say I didn't do anything for you!
Two websites that might help:
www.bigmonti.com
www.TrailsEndSaloon.net
Do yourself a favor and go have a listen.
Gemguy
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
When asked to tell me more about yourself
Posted: 1/11/2010 12:05:19 AM
Delurk/
W.O.G.,
That wasn't what I parsed from your comments. I wasn't trying to put words in your mouth and I wasn't inferring you were violent. While we agree that women can set a stage that can lead men to act out violently, I don't cut those men any slack in their behavior degenerating into violence. That is where we part company. It might be a fact that some women have deliberately put drama into a relationship. I think you are coming up with an incorrect "blame" for the results. You're assuming that the woman's intention is provoke violence from the man. That's assuming a lot. It is not a social norm for guys to act out violently with women.

Which natually begs questions like:
Could you clarify how a woman could judge how much game playing is too much and how much game playing is flirting? Or what constitutes game playing exactly? Or how much violent should done in proportion to the amount of game playing? Or should guys prone to "breaking" by game playing women, have a "profile" like they do for other violent criminals and women need to "profile" each of their male contacts?

My concern W.O.G., is that the way you phrase it, women are at fault for not anticipating that every guy they come into contact with has the potential to sexually assault/murder them. Do you really want all women to think they're a target and you're (we're) the bullet? I would prefer that women exercise due caution when meeting with unfamiliar men and judge further interaction on the man's behavior. Wouldn't you, since women can carry concealed too? I'm all for calm women with guns.

W.O.G. I too appreciate that having someone "mess with your mind" is indeed bad, I don't attach a gender to it. Yes, I know you're talking 'specifically' about male/female interactions. I just don't think the type of interactions you're referring to are so different than other social situations. They are certainly more personal, but really are they that much different than other situations? The guy that acts out with a woman is also the guy that would act out in many other situations. Let's put blame where blame is due, W.O.G.

I'd like to tell you a story of a female friend of mine that relates to this topic. She's an intelligent, pretty lady about my age and dated a younger guy well over a year ago. They had a brief (month or so) relationship, but they both agreed it wouldn't "work". They mutually ended the relationship. Ever since she broke it off with the guy, he has texted, emailed and attempted to call her cell phone multiple times a week. For the last year. She swears she hasn't responded in any way to his actions, she has had a boyfriend for the last year and wouldn't want to jeopardize that relationship. Yet, he continues. She had no idea that this guy would turn into a problem like this. No prior history of this behavior (admitted by him) that could have given her a clue. How would you conclude that she had a part in his actions? I'm really curious about your reply.
Gemguy
Relurk/
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
When asked to tell me more about yourself
Posted: 1/10/2010 12:51:31 AM
Delurk/
Unfisch,
I think you nailed it when you wrote:
"People only use the the power that others give to them. The men have created what women are, and the women have created what the men have become... You don't need to get sucked into that whirlpool of damage"
A whole lot of truth in that statement.

Wildoutdoorguy,
Do you really believe that a woman that is assaulted 'caused' her own assault because she might have "played mind games"? Do you have so little control over yourself that you'd allow a woman to provoke you to violence? How would you react to a guy that might assault your Daughter, Mother or Wife (provided the Lord lets you find another) if he felt like they had played mind games on him? What would you say those women in your life?
[ "Gee daughter, you should have told him "No" seven or eight more times before he raped you. You weren't really trying that hard, were you daughter?"]
Me thinks your smoking too much old testament. Really.
Gemguy

Relurk/
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 28 (view)
 
How do you people stand to live in Portland or any big city?
Posted: 1/10/2010 12:29:01 AM
Delurk/

Heizer, Wildoutdoor, etc.,
While I can't speak for anyone but myself, I can speak as one of those folks that live in a large city. I should inform you gents about a few facts.

Fact one: Not everyone likes the land use laws as they pertain to us either (in the city). I know several folks that have owned various large parcels of land close to PDX and have very little luck in getting the best use/ highest value out of their property. Not only does the LCDC affect them, but the county and city ordinances do too. You don't have to be a large parcel landowner to get messed with either. In a couple of suburbs a home owner that wants to, say, add exterior flood lights is required to have a electrical contractor come in and do at least part of the install for it to be "legal". We need less in the way of laws, not more. They're very well intentioned to make "everything" safer, more fair. Sadly - they only really succeed in illustrating the phrase " The road to Hell is paved with good intentions".
Fact two: All us us "gay-liberal-city-slickers" that you don't seem to appreciate are the actual people that help pay for YOUR lifestyle. That's right, we pay far more into Oregon's general fund than any other part of the state. Perhaps you ought to get off your lazy redneck inbred butt out of your white trash trailer and start working at a job or business that ACTUALLY pays your way. Then you can ****. Oh, and if you want to squeal about laws on "public lands" remember that those of us that live in the cities own the "public lands" just as much as you do. We live in a representative republic, so get out and vote.
Oh and Heizer, you know what I find funny? You talk about the "quiet country life" and "people just cause too much drama" and yet you seem real interested in what people do in the privacy of their homes. I live in an apartment and I don't give a rip about what color my neighbors might be or what they might be doing behind closed doors. I'm just thinking that you probably utter "You got a pretty mouth" far too much. You really ought to consider getting your own life, just a suggestion.
I'd like to spend more time in the rural parts of Oregon, hiking, fishing, shooting, biking and rockhounding. Too bad I have to spend as much time as I do wondering why so many rural homes seem to include several dead cars, a couple of old appliances and other trash as landscaping. Hell, I never used to carry a handgun into the woods until a had bad encounter with a couple of "locals" out in the coast range about twenty years ago. There are parts of rural southern Oregon that I won't go into because of the "locals" that grow weed and have armed illegals working for them. Oh, you have to love the country!
Gemguy

Relurk/
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 12/28/2009 3:46:51 PM
/Delurk

W.O.G.,
I could generally only get away with that posting in concealed carry states like OR and WA.
Glad it made you laugh.
Gemguy

/Relurk
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Take it slow or meet the person right away?
Posted: 12/28/2009 1:05:13 AM
/delurking
Wildoutdoorguy,
You might try going to a christian dating site or jewishsingles or any faith centered dating sites. You'll find testimonials to the marriages that have come about through the couples meeting on the site. Since those folks are perhaps more traditional in their faith (like yourself) they sought marriage at a means to an end. I know of two couples that met on the internet and ended up married (still are years later). They weren't even on dating sites to boot. BTW, I'm not recommending you leave here - just that the "proof' that you ask for, might be present there. I would also add that meeting anyone IRL is just as rife with failure as meeting on the web.

Back to the OP:
Email awhile (weeks?) and if it seems like you might have some fun then exchange numbers and meet in a public place. Be sure to carry concealed and practice center mass shots before hand to stay sharp. Oh, and be sure to stay on any medications so you won't hear any "voices". I'm here to help.
Take care,
Gemguy

/Relurk
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Why are we still single
Posted: 12/18/2009 10:01:51 PM
DeLurking/
Wildoutdoorguy - Good post , well stated. I second your observations.

I would add that Molder shouldn't try too hard and don't get into a hurry to find a girlfriend. Get some Zen on, Molder!
Take care.
ReLurking/
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 143 (view)
 
Independent Women
Posted: 12/18/2009 2:02:22 AM
Delurking/ (again)
Wildoutdoorguy,
I suppose I better "get in front of" Moulder and respond to your post. I described your perspective as "somewhat outdated" to illustrate the rather righteous tone your posts (in this thread) are steeped in. I find it interesting that you immediately label the opposing viewpoint as "liberal" without actually knowing how different that viewpoint might be from yours. You sound like you read more of the Old Testament than the New Testament, just a feeling I have ...

As for the other questions you ask about my not accepting Christianity : Who cares?
Your beliefs are not shared by me. Get over it and move on.
A hint about moving on: I don't ask myself the questions you concocted. Except for the "eternity" part, science answers all those questions wonderfully for me. Since "I" wasn't around at the beginning of time, "I" won't be around for eternity. I don't plan on getting out of here alive Wildoutdoorguy.

Which takes me to ask you (and other devout Xtains) a question. I should set this up for you - so you know the context of my question. As I wrote previously, I work in a retail environment. It has happened on many occasions over the last 30 years that I will have a perfectly fine interaction with a customer that comes grinding to a halt because they feel inclined to ask, "What Church do you belong/go to?". To which I generally answer, "I don't discuss my faith/beliefs with others at my job, thank you." They ALWAYS continue asking questions about my religious beliefs, despite my polite and firm refusal to give them comfort. They have no idea about my beliefs; whether a I'm Xtain or not. They know nothing, yet they continue to query me.

{A very brief side story: I knew a guy in California that was a neighbor for a short time. He had left the priesthood (Catholic IIRC) to marry a woman he loved. He worked at another type of specialty retail trade and got the same questions and answered the same as I. Had a woman lecture him on being "godless" and referred him to her Catholic church. To which he said," Oh, I know Father So & So, he did well in seminary, but he didn't take my direction when it came to sermons. His church attendance is going down." The woman supposedly turned several shades of red and left quickly.}

So the question: Why must you (editorial you) state your Xtain faith and then demand to know if I share your views? Before you answer, please limit your answer WITHOUT using biblical rhetoric, IE: "God wants us to spread the word of God... or My life is so filled with the spirit of Christ that I have to share my... " You know the blather I'm taking about.
Just answer like the God given brain you have is really working, that's all I ask.

As for the original topic: Independent women good. Clingy women bad. I can get my own beer, I might cook better than you and yes, I iron. I also work on my car, do landscape work fine and like to fix things. I don't expect a woman to do all of the same things, but I do expect her to do many of the same things.
Take care,
Gemguy

ReLurking/ Again!
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 46 (view)
 
What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/21/2009 7:21:06 PM
FriendlyFreeSpirit,
No - I embellished nothing er, well, maybe the 'smelled of meat' part. I believe it was really desperation filling my nose.
I had said earlier that she had told me of the new guy and that they had a 'connection' because his former wife didn't want to breed with him. They divorced over it and he lost most of what he had accumulated up to that point and was looking to start fresh (with my girlfriend) and find himself a breeder. That coincided with my girlfriend having a change of heart regarding children. It would also explain his way of dealing with her.

I heard she later moved to Idaho or Montana to live with a sister that was also a single mom. A mutual friend was shocked when she saw her after the second child and had seen just how much weight she had gained and that she had two children so quickly. I mentioned something to the mutual friend months after my encounter and she related her earlier encounter.

After a while it gets really hard to trust that what a woman says is really what she is feeling. I fall into the situation that if I assume all women are the same, that I will develop a relationship with a woman that doesn't fit the generalization. I will take actions that use that as a factual premise and suffer as a result. If I make no assumptions, then I have a difficult time breaking a pattern of behavior that is ultimately self defeating.
That's why I dated for most of 30 something years.
Good thing I can laugh!
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 44 (view)
 
What is the strangest way you were told it was over
Posted: 10/21/2009 1:08:44 AM
Oh Boy, I think I can add some "strange" to the discussion.

Sorry folks, but this is a bit long.

It's about '81 or '82 and I had met this woman at a party and we had dated 3 times over the period of 10 days. We talk on the phone on a Tuesday night making plans for Friday night (date 4). I'm supposed to pick her up and meet the parents. OK, Friday comes and I arrive at her house, dressed in a suit and tie (normal for my job) and small amount of tasteful flowers for her mother.
She and I had really hit it off and I was going about this as seriously as I could.
She opened the door, dressed in shorts, tee shirt and tennis shoes (not ready for a date), through the door I had seen a group of her friends on their back deck laughing and partying . She stepped out of the house, closes the door behind her and tells me there had been a change in her plans. I asked what was going on and she replied " I though you were the kind of guy that I would be proud to date and spend time with." So I said, "I'm not sure what you're talking about..." She then tells me that her mother had a conversation with another woman (woman X) that knew MY mother and had spoken with her recently. They were all sorority sisters (not the same college or year, just same sorority) Apparently my mom had told woman X that I had done poorly in college (Mom was straight A, I was a B average) was not doing well in my job (Well, I did live with the parents since the job didn't pay enough to rent an apartment, it was also my second job...) and I still had to be reminded to Pick Up My Room. She had said some other things too. I don't remember all of it. So woman X lets the new Girlfriend's mom know what she can remember about what mom had said about me and things go south from there. I actually had to ask my mom what she had said to woman X, so I could decipher all of the things that the Girlfriend had regurgitated to me. Great conversation.

Another one:
I'm going out with this woman for about 6 weeks. As far as I know everything is great and "we" are happy. A guy comes walking into the store I'm working at and asks, "Are you So and So?" I answer, "Yes sir, what can I do for you?"
" I'm Angela's boyfriend and she wants you to make sure that you don't call her any more."
"Really? This isn't some kind of joke. I really don't find it humorous, if so. I'm at work, Man"
"Yeah, she didn't want to face you and told me if I do this for her it would make it easier for us to be together."
"She's all yours man. Oh and by the way, she much better in bed if she's drunk."

Another one:
I'm going out with the woman for about 3 weeks. Everything seems fine. I come out of work and find a note on my car.
"You and I have been so good together and I really think I love you. It's too bad that you don't want children because I'm going to be the best mother. My ex [the one that abused her physically] called me and told me he really wants to be a daddy. Although I love you, I'm going to be with him. So I can be a mommy. Please don't hate me."
Dodged another bullet.

I've had dear John letters left on the door of my apartment, left with friends who would later give it to me and messages left on my phone answering machine. Most are just content to call me up and break up with me over the phone. One woman I had dated for several months called me from another city (where she was visiting her family) to tell me she wanted to move away. Without me. I had started a job and was working 60-70 hour weeks so I could get a promotion, since she had wanted me to earn more money (You know, for our future life together). She wanted to end it and felt that I was consumed by my job...

As I have gotten older the reasons change.

I dated a woman for 2 months and she had me over for dinner one night. After the dinner we were cleaning up the dishes and such and she tells she's going to miss all of this. I ask, "What are you talking about?" She tells me we can't see each other anymore because of my job. "What's wrong with my job?" Apparently, since she had gotten her house and cars from her previous husband and their divorce, she didn't want to jeopardize her situation. I didn't earn enough to be a "financial equal" and if we got married she would have to split her belongings with me in the possible divorce. She had too much to lose if we broke up down the road. Apparently guys like me are a liability to one's assets.
Turns out that years later she married a guy (with money) and they later divorced. He had the better lawyer, he got the house and more money. Karma!

Finally:
It's 1994. I met a woman that was, for lack of better words, frickin' gorgeous. It also helped that she was intelligent, educated and a very positive person. I really thought I had died and gone to heaven. She was amazingly organized and always dressed beautifully. We are going out for 2 1/2 months and I constantly checked to see if I'm dreaming or not. Luckily, I'm fully awake and she states, without coercion, that she is happy and pleased to be together. She's talking about US and she's not drunk when she says this too.
[ You see this coming, right?]
We go out for a nice dinner and when we get back to her place, she stops me at the door. She tells me that she has decided that she had changed her mind about having children (she didn't want them before) and had found another guy that can keep her and the future kids in the fashion in which she would like to become accustomed. It takes me a couple of minutes for this to sink in, during which time she tells all about the new man. She also tells me that we can't remain in contact in any manner because, "it wouldn't be right".
Fast forward to 1999 and I'm walking through a local grocery store by my place. I'm picking up some beer for a party at a friends. A short fat round woman in stained stretchy sweat pants /top stops her cart in front of me to get my attention. I look at her and ask what the problem might be as she repeats her name a fourth or fifth time, punctuated with "remember?". I can't put a face and name together over the noise of the squalling brood in her cart. There are 3 children in descending ages contained within and they are not happy. Or clean. It finally hits me !!!SARA!!! However, the person in front of me is only the same height and general age as the Sara I knew. The Sara I knew was a blond, would be around 37 and used to work out 2 hrs/5days and got many modeling offers. She never had a hair out of place or left her house unless her makeup was perfect. What stood in front of me had been crying very recently and smelled vaguely of meat and baby powder. She is telling me that that the husband had just left her a month or so earlier, cleaned out their accounts and left with a newer, skinnier model bimbo to parts unknown. Her youngest was a month old. Yikes! She had to move in with her parents, cause she lost the house (no money) and had applied for food stamps. She was tearing up during all of the recent history lesson and whilst I was giving the cashier my money, I started to do the slid-step to the right. She asked if I still lived close and had the same telephone number and I said, yeah. The four year old memories all came back and I said" Too bad you can't call, cause IT WOULDN'T BE RIGHT!" I skipped to the door with a huge smile on face, laughing. I think I was high for week after that.

There are more stories however, I generally tend to block them out.
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 30 (view)
 
At what age do you Just Give Up?
Posted: 10/13/2009 9:21:28 PM
Giantrican,
Give up? Perhaps you could ask yourself this: if you had a child and they had some sort of physical or mental problem would you give up on them if it became difficult? Hopefully the answer would be "No!". Yet you are giving on finding the relationship that would produce a child. If you don't have the staying power to find a healthy relationship with woman then should you really breed? come on and think about it. The world doesn't need anymore split households or children with one active and engaged parent. If you are building the basis of a lifelong commitment to a spouse and a child (or children) why do you give up so easily?

I'm 50 and I can tell you from experience life doesn't get easier. Your life will be more rewarding and fulfilled if you are positive. Positive that you will find someone, your job will get better, your hair will grow... Really.
I have reached this point in my life without making DNA replicants or gone through a marriage. Do I like dating? Hell, no. Never have, but it is a necessary evil. I've dated for most of 33 years and for a while I'm just not going to get to worked up over trying to "find someone". Not giving up, but taking a much needed vacation. I have never shared your particular desire for a family, but wanting to find a stable long term relationship is challenging. Few things that are worthwhile are easily attained.

Put your big boy pants on and cinch your belt in a notch.

Got get what you really want and deserve. NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thing I better get decaf next time...
 gemguy
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Lonely vs Alone???
Posted: 5/25/2009 11:50:05 PM
Rockdrummer,
When you listed examples you stated:

"Yes I have been lonely while in relationships, as many of you have mentioned. But, I stayed...why? Probably 'cause I knew the alternative would be to pour my heart out on a dating site, wondering why the hell was I still lonely?"

You seem to remember that just because you're "in" a relationship that it doesn't cure the loneliness problem. Couldn't you remind yourself of that fact?
I make a point of visualizing the multiple train wrecks I have been involved with when I am browsing ads. When an personals ad has a striking woman with a reasonably well written description that also lists her children or her new found (or lasting) sobriety or "puts God first", I make a point of jabbing a finger in my eye so I can recall how much more comfortable that feeling is compared to what has happened in the past with prior GFs.
While I don't recommend eye jabbing for the untrained amateur, perhaps a photo of that lady that put you through a special hell taped next to the computer screen or on the refrigerator? If eye jabbing sounds too advanced, how does wacking your knee with a ball peen hammer? You chose the knee and the size of the hammer. Life is all about choice, right?
Just a suggestion.
You could also just accept the fact you might be sick, look in the mirror and ask yourself if the behavior you are currently exhibiting (desperation) has gotten you to where you want to go OR do you change your mindset and combat the feeling and make better choices. Proactive solutions are always better that reactive judgments.

Good luck with whatever you choose.
 
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