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 Author Thread: Could use a hand
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Could use a hand
Posted: 1/13/2014 5:35:11 PM

I decided to post here to get other people's opinions and to see what it is i am missing.


What you're missing is a PROFILE. You've provided nothing but a snippet. We're not going to write the profile for you. So, take whatever it was that you felt was too long and tweak, delete and add to that. Why people think that not making a profile too long means making a profile completely devoid of detail is something I'll never understand.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Please take a look at my profile and offer suggestions.
Posted: 1/12/2014 12:44:33 AM

**Disclaimer Yes I am currently over weight, I am in the process of correcting that, I have lost 50lbs so far, and am continuing to make my life healthier. I also do have a Lazy eye, if you can’t deal with either of these please move on. **


Opening so defensively is usually not a good idea. However, the problem is your tone rather than the actual subject matter itself. So, if you feel this is necessary to say then you can easily reword it and make it sound much more inviting, self-assured or even humorous.

Although, the profile looks like you copied it and slapped it there from OKC. Posting a long list of books, movies, music and food is just fluff that can be removed in place of some actual content about you.

Remove the dog picture because it's against site rules to not have yourself in the picture.

You'll have a more limited audience because alarms will sound off in people's heads when they see the role-playing games and video games. People around here are very biased against it. Be you though.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 11 (view)
 
My profile, v. 2.0
Posted: 1/8/2014 9:33:50 PM

Ok, but I fear that it might take too long to read.


It doesn't have to be a long profile to cover that. However, a longer profile always allows you to show more of what your personality is like. A 500 - 600 word profile or a profile as long as mine (800+) is not overly long or demanding of a reader. The average reading speed is roughly 300 words per minute. So if they can't spare 90 seconds to 2 minutes to read then that's really their problem, not yours.

You don't have to break it down like that. But I'm just telling you not to worry about it.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 8 (view)
 
My profile, v. 2.0
Posted: 1/8/2014 8:44:44 PM

What would be an "A" game for a profile?


A profile that hits all the major points such as: a rough idea of your personality, what you're doing with your life, passions and interests, maybe some actual opinion or strongly held beliefs, humor that isn't too try hard, explanation about who you seek, clear romantic intentions, photos that generally don't suck and a First Date section that is unique or at least lets them know what your expectations are.

Actually, you'll need to bring your A through Z game when you actually get some progress going with someone. Holding back or being really conservative only acts as a crutch. It's really not rocket surgery (which is harder than rocket science). As long as you hit the major points, you eliminate just about all the initial mistakes tons of guys make which is...not hitting the major points.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Oh oh...
Posted: 1/8/2014 4:45:31 PM
Having no idea what the hell Marmite is, I looked it up. Apparently, it's a food spread with the slogan "Love it or hate it". Fittingly enough, I feel that you have a love it or hate it profile. I get the whole toning down the seriousness part. However, a lot of what you've put in place of it is just BS. There's nothing actually wrong with that in itself.

But, you have to consider your audience. If they knew you or you were already having a conversation then the BS would be more viable and maybe even mutual. But in a climate where nobody actually knows you, it gives the impression that you're just BS-ing your way through with no substance however humorous it may be.

So, try to actually attach some truth value and substance to what you say. Didn't Goku have trouble training at 10x Earth's gravity? You'd die instantly.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Needed a critical review of my profile.
Posted: 1/3/2014 3:58:09 PM

When I try to start a conversation, I read the profile of the other person and try to ask some question about them. I keep my messages very short. Sometimes just one or two lines.


You could be asking questions that don't really open up a lot of conversation. It's easy to make some really boneheaded mistakes like ask her "What do you do for fun?" when you can easily gauge what that is from her profile. There's really no way to tell for sure unless you post example messages.

There's the potential that there's literally nothing wrong with your profile or your messages. You could be just messaging women who are extremely selective in responding.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
 
As with so many others - constructive criticism on profile - uk males ideally
Posted: 1/3/2014 12:13:42 PM

Friends with one photo and a very bland/ 2 liner profile are getting loads of messages.


Yeah, that's par for the course around here. Their profiles are easier to respond to whereas yours is (rightfully) longer and more demanding of the reader. Although, you cannot fully blame it on that alone.

Since you've already tried harder to make it unique, there is little to fault with the profile. However, if I had to choose anything to be critical of it would be this:


I am looking for someone who is thoughtful, happy to try new things together, knows the importance of laughter and agrees that making time for each other is the key to any relationship.


Well this sounds fine and dandy. However, it's too synonymous with friendship. Friends are thoughtful, like trying new things, enjoy laughter and DEFINITELY think about trying to make time for each other (a legitimate issue in any friendship). So, I'd say try and instill a little more actual dating material in it that separates itself from friendship territory. But like I said, there's little to fault with it on its own. Looking at it objectively as I have though is different.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Please review my profile!
Posted: 1/2/2014 6:45:51 PM
There's nothing really off-putting about the profile content itself. The only thing I could remotely think of is that you have pictures that date to 2011 and your age range is awfully limited (52-58). You could really just be messaging the wrong men.

So when you ask them a question, is it a question about something you could actually have a detailed and engaging conversation with? Or is it a question that they could just answer in 5 seconds and think nothing of it? It's much more effective to actually ask a question about the things that have stories behind them rather than simply being cordial with questions.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Review would be appreciated
Posted: 1/1/2014 7:32:02 PM

Haven't messaged anyone because I'm not sure I can actually be competitive in this online dating environment.


Forget the profile review for now. Focus more on having the nuts/confidence to message women. Online dating is inadvertently competitive, not directly competitive. It's not like the Discovery Channel where two big ass, slobbering male Bisons fight it out over a female.

One woman might have an inbox constantly full whereas another woman may not get very messages at all (surprisingly, this is true regardless of looks). So when you break it down like that, sometimes getting a response is as easy as messaging someone who's actually available to respond.

You would be surprised at just how ahead you can be just by NOT doing all the dumb shit tons of guys do. Haven't you seen it for yourself? Haven't you seen these woman literally coach men in their profiles like "Don't send me ____", "I won't respond to _____" or "If you _______, then go kick rocks"? It should be self-explanatory how to not suck at sending messages, right? Well, no. The guys in question have ALL bought "How To Suck At Messaging Women" in Hardcover on Amazon.com for $14.95. Some of them even have the goddamn Kindle and PDF versions!

So no, don't be them. If you come across someone that you know you can hit it off with, then it should (in theory) come naturally what to send.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Please review my profile :)
Posted: 1/1/2014 7:10:33 PM

For one let me start off by saying that I READ ALL MESSAGES I RECEIVE! If i do not reply after the first message u send, im not going to reply to the second, or third, or fourth, etc u get it right? One thing i can't stand is a thirsty dude! And FYI, pics of "you" that are screenshots from Instagram is not a good look. Why you screenshot??? Hmmmm I smell a catfish and I don't respond to those. Sorry...bye!


You should get rid of this because it doesn't actually add anything relevant to you as a person. Telling them not to message you so much is kind of like telling a tiger to stop growling so much. It's just their nature and they'll continue to do it. Plus, you don't lose any of the decent subject matter you've offered anyways by deleting it. Win-win.

This is just me speaking personally, but I'm not even 100% sure if people like you even need a review. You know, people who aren't looking for commitment and are instead letting the chips fall where they may. At least, that's what the intent sounds like.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Profile Review Constructive Criticisms
Posted: 1/1/2014 6:13:50 PM

I've read all over the internet that women receive heaps of email but I have received hardly any so I am unsure what I am messing up and where to start fixing it.


Fix: Start messaging men.


-Do men prefer women who look at the camera or away? Should I do my pictures w/o glasses?


It doesn't really matter which way you look at the camera. You could have an extra set of eyeballs on your forehead and we wouldn't give a shit and still message you.

You should do both pictures with and without glasses. Do it for variety's sake and to see your full, natural look.


Should I remove my schooling status? I'm afraid that the fact that I am going to college is turning men away. If so what should I replace with it?


That's absurd. Leave your schooling status in.


-If I do receive an email should I put if off a few days? The few emails I do receive I responded within a day(or two due to holidays) and I feel that it turned them off.


Respond when you can get to it. This doesn't need to be rationalized.

HOWEVER, be aware that you'll get some men who will continuously message you if you don't respond right away because they don't have lives.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 13 (view)
 
I think I'm doing something wrong
Posted: 1/1/2014 5:23:25 PM

As for what you said, StarshipNarrator, hmm, that's a lot to take in. When I was making my profile, I basically took one of my stand-up comedy routines, edited it and stuck it in my profile. I'll try and make it a bit less weird though.


Oh, so that was the process. Well, when people go into a comedy show or to see some of your jokes then they go with the expectation of you being funny (even if you may not be funny). They leave all their personal shit at the door and come to see you perform except for maybe some hecklers.

But online dating? Nope. People bring ALL their shit with them and can dismiss you before you've even finished your first paragraph. It's not the same kind of venue. I'm not saying be less weird. I'm saying you should keep the weird but focus it. Make it actually meaningful.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 9 (view)
 
I think I'm doing something wrong
Posted: 1/1/2014 3:59:59 PM

Right so get rid of stupid sum-up sentence. I feel like it would need replacing with something though, you know, just in case the reader did not say the word "platypus" out loud and therefore thinks I'm a weirdo for assuming that they would do so.


Well, it's too late for that. The reader already thinks you're a weirdo because you opened up with the platypus in the first place. You may get some people with a sense of humor like me who will play around and actually try to banter about the platypus. But, you'll get some folks who aren't very impressed and see your attempt at humor as too try hard. So actually, in a way it kind of identifies people who at least can joke.

However, it's really just fluff. So, say for example, you actually owned a platypus (which would be badass). You could then tell a story about it or make some whimsical observation about you and it. That's actually substance. But if you just come right out with the platypus silliness with no logical connection to you, then the reader goes "Well, that's cute. But so what?"

So to appeal to both (the ones who banter and the ones who aren't impressed), you must merge humor and seriousness together. THEN, you've placed the onus on them because if they have a problem with it, then it's their goddamn problem, not yours.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
 
I think I'm doing something wrong
Posted: 1/1/2014 2:56:48 PM
Yes, the platypus. The platypus arguably has one of the most comical anatomies of the animal kingdom. It kind of looks like a duck and a beaver had a one night stand in the pond. What's more, the goddamned males are poisonous with venom in their spurs.

A crocodile would normally gobble up something that size with no problem. But when it sees a platypus, the crocodile does its death roll not to kill or escape being captured. It does the death roll because it's literally dying of laughter. You know, ROFL. Or in this case, DROFL, Death Roll On Floor Laughing?


Or worse case scenario, I'm the one who seems like an idiot just for dedicating an entire paragraph to platypi.


Well, yeah. You pretty much summed it all up right there. I suppose it would be ok if you complemented it with some actual substance, exposition or food for thought about you. But you didn't.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
 
profile does not get decent girls to reply
Posted: 12/31/2013 7:01:18 PM

Standard opening:Cute profile how are you:) any fun NYE plans?


Asking "How are you?" with online dating is usually one of the fastest ways to make a woman uninterested. It's also one of the fastest ways to make you seem uninteresting. That sounds ridiculous but it doesn't take long to find a few profiles of women outright stating in their profiles "If you write to me 'How are you?' then please go elope with a goat" or something to that effect. They really don't like it.

Asking about NYE plans is harmless but doesn't show her your read the profile. Without knowing the context of your other message material, it's hard to make a better judgement call on what you're doing wrong. It's better to approach women here like 'Hey, I actually want to get to know you' rather than 'Hey, how are things?'.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Profile Review Request
Posted: 12/30/2013 7:36:54 PM

I've limited myself lately to short introductions where I mention a couple things I like about their profile (so they know I actually read it) and then just say I'd be interested in chatting. To be completely honest I've only messaged maybe half a dozen people, apparently I fear rejection online too, haha.


It's not so much outright rejection as much as it is the simple reality that you will only appeal to a certain kind of person. You shouldn't be afraid of being unsuitable for any given person. Being rejected is kind of like a fart in the wind; it's unpleasant for about 5-6 seconds until you realize it has no real effect on you now or in the future.

You're doing one thing right. It's that you're NOT filling up a Gatling Gun with messages and unloading them at women for the express purpose of getting a response. You've kept the rejection to a minimum. So, keep doing that but definitely message a little more than 6 women. That's not even enough to establish that there is a problem. Your problem is probably that you aren't active enough.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Profile Review Request
Posted: 12/30/2013 5:51:51 PM

Well that’s it for now, I am a pretty open book so ask me whatever. Good luck out there!


Guys, STOP wishing women luck in finding other dudes! Stop shoving them out the door at the end of your profile. Stop being so goddamn cordial!

With that out the way, the main problem is that there's not really an idea of who you're targeting to be found in your profile. You want someone who wants to be active with you but that's not even specific or exclusive to dating/relationship territory. You could technically do that with a platonic activity partner/friend.

So, think more about what differentiates a lover from all the rest and try to incorporate that in your profile. It doesn't have to be romantic in tone but just at least shed some light on what your actual dating intentions or expectations/standards are.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 5 (view)
 
In need of profile help!
Posted: 12/29/2013 4:43:47 PM

Finding pics of myself smiling is an issue. It's not that I'm not happy but as soon as a camera is brought out I have no idea what to do with my face.


Oh well then that's easy. Just take the photos yourself instead of having other people take them. People become overly self-conscious when other people start snapping photos. It's understandable.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Profile Pic advice please!
Posted: 12/26/2013 2:22:41 PM

Yeah I used to have a version of it but I quit because I gave up, also problem with these sites and especially my age is you see someone you know next minute word gets round then others who ain't on the site such as people you work with get to know about it and you get remarks made :/


Remarks made? 40 million people in the U.S. have used online dating. I think we're past the point where people should go "That dude has a dating profile? Tsk tsk." Apparently, we aren't even close to that point.

The less you care about trivial things such as remarks being made, the easier your time here will be. I've actually seen people from work or school here and thought absolutely nothing of it.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Do I need a profile overhaul?
Posted: 12/23/2013 2:42:42 PM

But I would like to know if my profile plays a major role in why I dont hear from any girls.


Yes it does.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
I would like a profile review please
Posted: 12/23/2013 12:22:56 PM

I'm not new to websites like POF and Match, but now that I moved to another country, I'm much more active and serious about meeting women.


The problem is that you don't sound really serious about meeting women in your profile. It reads more like a rundown of something you recently did rather than a fuller description of what you actually have to offer as a potential date/partner. In other words, you want someone to show you around town but you don't need a dating profile for that .

"Date but nothing serious" doesn't help. I've seen countless profiles with that intent and yet their intentions are still more clear than what you've provided.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Help Please
Posted: 12/20/2013 8:40:36 PM
You copied your profile from OKC. Eh.

What your profile lacks is any real incentive for women who are seeking Long-Term (or something else) to message you. For a lack of better words, nothing about it exactly screams that you want an actual relationship. There's no exposition about what you value in women, a potential relationship or even the simple idea of what it's like to be around you. So, people are basically going in cold because they have no idea what to expect or how exactly to approach you.

Even your First Date section fails to really say anything about actual dating. If your intent is truly Long-Term then your profile simply doesn't match up with that.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Looking for a profile review
Posted: 12/20/2013 5:32:30 PM

The last bit is meant to be in tongue in cheek but the person who helped me write it initially thought something like this was too condescending, would you agree?


It's not being condescending. It's called being a man. In what alternate universe are men genuinely interested in women getting their nails and hair done? Unless each of her nails has the full Unit Circle designed into them or her hair is fashioned to that of a Super Saiyan, then who cares? That's more condescending but that's just me. What you wrote was fine.


When I'm writing, I think I'm either coming across as too boring or trying to be too clever and making myself look like a bit of a wally.


It's difficult to find the right balance between being interesting/clever and just flat out BS-ing. Look at it this way. Most dudes just throw some words on the page and call it a day. But when you actually stop to think about how you come across to the reader (which is what you're doing) then it will automatically make you stand out.

To find the balance, simply state something factual about you but say it in a clever/interesting way. Don't simply try to be clever with no actual substance behind what you say. If that makes sense.

Don't think too hard about it. Whether or not the chemistry joke actually made them laugh is irrelevant. What matters is that you showed your humor. You'd be appalled at how many humorless profiles there are out there.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Looking for a profile review
Posted: 12/20/2013 3:54:55 PM

I'm a bit of a mickey taker and can be very sarcastic and a bit of wind up merchant, I can be silly and don't like being serious. So if a person is uptight, has a short fuse or gets offended easily then that person wouldn't be for me.


Be careful with that though. Being uptight, having a short temper or being easily offended are not exclusive to someone being serious. In fact, these are pretty much traits we all share in some capacity. All it takes is the right person to bring it out of us when you think about it.


You've convinced me to remove the opposites attract, I believe it to a certain degree but also included as it could be easily referenced to my Chemistry degree


I wasn't trying to convince you to remove that. Instead, I was just wanting that to be more clear because yeah opposites do attract. However, that doesn't entirely guarantee that they work together .
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Looking for a profile review
Posted: 12/20/2013 10:55:22 AM

In a woman I’m looking for someone who shares similar morals and values to me, someone fairly laid back who doesn’t take themselves too seriously and can laugh at themselves. I'm not a massive shopper myself but I'd wait in line all day if it was for the right girl, you don’t have to be massive sports fans but it would be nice if you could humour me and feign an interest.

I’m pretty content with life as it is but I’d like to meet someone who I can share my experiences with and create new memories together. It doesn't matter if we don't share all the same interests. The one thing I have learned from three years of a Chemistry degree, is that opposites attract.


This is somewhat conflicting. First you want someone who is similar to you, then you say you can share different interests and then say you believe in opposites attracting. Do these all overlap for you or is there a specific one that actually works best for you?


is it worth completing the needs and chemistry test?


Not really. It's not something people even take seriously because tons of people haven't even completed them. Plus, they have no tangible effect on how you and any given woman will actually get along.



Also, do people find the meet me feature useful?


Nope. It's about as useful as a shattered bowling ball.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Feedback Appreciated
Posted: 12/19/2013 8:41:52 PM
Organization-wise, eliminate the Option 1 and Option 2 thing and then take the list that is Option 2 and make paragraphs with it. That's a good idea just for the sake of readability and it doesn't change the subject matter of the profile.

Basically, I think you need to be a little less generic here:


I'm interested in meeting someone who shares my values and is happy with himself. I would like to find that right person to spend time with and hopefully carve out a future together. Someone to share dinner, a movie, a concert, or just a lazy Sunday without a to do list. I know I am responsible for my own happiness, but I also want to share it with someone.


Your values are what? This description is very par for the course when you look at it. It almost reads like something you'd describe about a friend. Try and give it a little more identity that pushes it into boyfriend/fiance/lover territory.

Oh and of course, it's much longer than most profiles so your mileage may vary with their attention spans. Attention spans are down into the goddamn picoseconds when it comes to these things.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Bring it on :)
Posted: 12/19/2013 8:19:56 PM

I seem to be getting many guys who are looking for someone to fish and camp with...and who are much older than I am.
.

Odd. There's nothing about you that screams fishing and camping. They're probably a bunch of geezers just looking for activity partners.


PS...I have shown you mine, please have the courtesy to show me yours...pictures that is ;) And I don't want to see pictures of your "stuff"...we all have cars etc...show me you :) And really...if selfies are all you have it makes one wonder if you are a hermit. If you message me and I don’t message back, it probably means that the attraction is just not there or I don’t think that we share much common ground. It tends to be an all or nothing thing with me and I must feel an intellectual “spark”, as well as a physical one.


There's no real need or benefit to coaching total strangers on how to message you. Sure, state your romantic preferences. But leave it out, gloss over it and deal with it discretely on your own instead of projecting it on your profile. Men will continue messaging your profile even if you set up snipers, crocodile moats and trap doors all around it. They don't care.

The Separated status will always be controversial.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Tried improving profile, but getting worse results
Posted: 12/19/2013 9:33:59 AM
Well, if you're getting worse results then that must mean you broke something that was working.


On a scale of 14 to 86, with 31 being the best and 64 being the worst, I think I'm a solid 19! How could you pass that up?


Well on that number scale, you're null because 14 - 30 haven't even been assigned values. So, you exist but you mean nothing. But I digress.

More seriously, I think the problem is that you come off as someone who just wants fun rather than someone who is seeking an actual relationship, dating or any specific romantic goal. It's important to have humor as you've tried to demonstrate in your profile. But when you don't complement it with any actual serious intent, it kind of amounts to a lot of BS. A perfect example of what I'm talking about is this:


I like spontaneity so I don't know where we're going yet. I can tell you that I will be wearing my special cologne. It's illegal in nine countries. It's made with bits of real panther so you know it's good. They've done studies, 60% of the time, it works every time.


It's all BS. However, you can be spontaneous, humorous and insert BS but still give them some idea of what's a good time to you or what you expect on a first date.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Please give suggestions on my profile.
Posted: 12/18/2013 4:07:27 PM

Im Magically Delicious


Screw Lucky Charms. Oatmeal ALL day.


I value humor, the inner child, creativity, and objectiveness.


These are good ideas that you should actually expand on. On their own, they're meaningless words on the page.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 9 (view)
 
The good old profile review!
Posted: 12/17/2013 5:26:24 PM

The two are not even remotely the same. I feel as there can be an IMPROVEMENT with my profile. Let's say my profile is 5/10, and it can be IMPROVED to 8/10. How can winning $1000 be improved to $1500?


Of course it's possible. $1,000 can be improved to $1,500 by winning an additional $500 in the same way that you'd like to win additional attention/success. I was merely saying you've already won. Whether you feel it's a 5/10, an 8/10 or a -100/10 doesn't seem to affect your profile currently. Be careful not to overthink success.


And secondly, I'm not saying that at all, I'm simply saying to keep an open mind and consider the differences between let's say a 20 year old's profile and a 40 year old's profile. It's great that there's a vast age difference.


Sure. But a lot of advice you may receive is applicable to any age group which basically includes: don't be boring, show, don't tell, include what kind of woman you seek, have great pictures, eliminate all negativity, etc.

I was teasing you.

But Mufasa is certainly and verifiably dead. It's been 20 years. He lives on as a group of inexplicably lion-shaped clouds though so that's good.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
 
The good old profile review!
Posted: 12/17/2013 4:27:28 PM

I am currently getting plenty of success using POF, lots of messages and profile views, however I do feel that my profile is not up to it's full potential, and I'm not sure what it is.


.....WHAT?

That's like winning a $1,000 check, going to the bank teller to cash it and then saying to him/her "Dammit, I won $1,000. What the hell am I supposed to do with this?! It's not $1,500, goddammit!"

Well, something like that.


Please keep in mind that I'm 22, and a 22 year old's profile will be different to a 30, 35 or 45 year old's profile.


Are you implying that Profile Reviews is nothing but geezers and mummies?
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
profile feedback please
Posted: 12/14/2013 4:52:11 PM

I'm wondering if my focusing on food and books is too limiting?


It wouldn't be too limiting if it was well complemented by other information. But you spend more than half of your profile talking about it so it is limiting.


I'm trying to write to show rather than tell people about me. I'm trying to not be generic in my writing. Thoughts?


Well, my advice is to basically ignore what POF advises you to do and talk about what you actually want to talk about. Make your own canvas instead of coloring inside the lines, so to speak.


What captures your attention when reading someone's profile?


Are you asking this so you can emulate any potential responses or do you truly have something you want to express yourself? It's about capturing someone's attention but it's also about doing something with it once you have it. You don't just tap someone on the back to get their attention and then keep tapping them when they turn around. You have to have something to say.


What are captiviatign photos?


Obviously the pizza photo. It looks hilariously disfigured. Did it get jumped by something in the oven? O__o
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
hello, please critique my profile
Posted: 12/14/2013 4:03:09 PM

I'm not sure what I expect from all of this, but if I happen to get a new friend or two, I'd be happy with that! I wish anyone who views this profile the best of luck in finding the person for you : )


No no no no no. You'd be happy settling for a friend or two? You said so yourself that you have difficulty meeting people in real life. So why would you come here and take a very weak, complacent position of just accepting whatever comes your way?

In your profile, you're supposed to convince or show the person reading that you're the shit. That doesn't mean being boastful or self-important. It means showing them you're worth it. You did the opposite which was wish them the best of luck in finding other dudes . Wrong, wrong, wrong.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Hello PoF'ers
Posted: 12/13/2013 11:18:09 AM

Even if I do fix up my profile post better pictures and start sending first messages I probably wont even get a response. Should I just go ahead and delete this? E- harmony sucks too Doesn't work. Its pathetic. I just want a girlfriend. Getting tired of being single. :(


Defeatist attitude + no confidence + desperate = Delete.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Constructive criticism please
Posted: 12/10/2013 3:17:50 PM

Being ignored is like saying your less than a human being, I'm better than you, and you aren't worth my time. When you respond with a simple not interested someone will usually stop trying. If I get ignored I do stop trying, but it makes me want to try again (beacause I'm wondering why and that seems dumb cause I know why).


Actually, being ignored is like saying they're not interested in you. Consider the fact that you're only one of many guys that contacts any given woman. You're not entitled to a response back just like they aren't entitled to receive a message from a guy in the first place.

You would rather have a woman message you back and CONFIRM you'd never have a chance with her rather than just shrug off the no-response and go about your day? Think about that first before the profile, dude. Also, ending the profile by telling other women who you've had no correspondence with and hope to attract that you're failing to get responses is not tactful at all. Stop wanting rejection (them messaging you back) and stop projecting it (in your profile) and maybe you'll have success.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Couple words of advice would be just nice
Posted: 12/10/2013 12:51:43 PM

I do have a dangerous side to me. I once dunked an Oreo into a glass of milk and didn't take it out till the bubbles stopped. You could say I live on the edge.


That's weak. REAL MEN dunk their Oreos into liquid nitrogen and then use them as hockey pucks.

No headline, no First Date section and a really generic, non-specific profile. You're being lazy. A generic profile gets generic suggestions such as:

- Talk about the woman you want.
- Show, don't tell your personality.
- Be more humorous.
- No mirror pictures.
- Stop talking about your friends' online dating endeavors.
- Don't use other people's words to describe you.

See? It would be a lot more helpful if you actually tried first.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Looking for help with profile
Posted: 12/10/2013 10:15:34 AM
Essentially, this is your problem (at least for the written profile):


Trying to write these things without sounding like I'm trying to be big headed is tough.


You're purposefully keeping the information sparse in fear of sounding big-headed. Modesty is a virtue but it's a crutch if you're not willingly to divulge anything. You can keep the profile as short as it is and still sound like you have a big Sequoia tree in your butt, overly self-important or boastful about yourself. So, being big-headed is not at all respective of simply how much you write.

Once you remove that crutch you can have so much fun with a profile. You can choose to have a personality and sound a little big-headed because that comes with the territory of writing detailed profiles. Or, you can sound like hundreds of other dudes. Your choice. Although, you aren't here for anything serious so...eh.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Not getting many replies, is there something wrong with my profile?
Posted: 12/8/2013 10:49:42 AM
Hmm. You look familiar. Were you recently here for a profile review?


I'm not getting a great reply to sent ratio.


[Rant on]

I feel that the response rate is a meaningless statistic that people take way too seriously on here. If your response rate is awful then that doesn't preclude that you can actually meet someone. Low response rates are a sign of disinterest which is more common and normal here than cold in goddamn winter. High response rates are a sign of interest but is often met by a lot of "I'm not interested in the people I'm attracting/in contact with" threads here. Some rates are low, some rates are high but we're all susceptible to the same constant; somebody in the party of two is not interested.

[Rant off]

I think the problem may be in your approach more than anything when you say these two things:


I'm easy to get a long with, always make an effort with people, and give everyone a chance.



As for this dating malarkey, I don't really have a "type", nor understood why you'd specify one, why would you want to date the same sort of people over and over? So long as you're up for some random adventures and don't take yourself too seriously I'm sure we'll get on.


People specify a type because through actual trial-and-error, dating various people or at least finding out that they're only attracted to a certain type...they have a type. It's not malarkey. It's attraction they're not in control of. Attraction is not something you can completely rationalize.

Aside from that, it's ok to not have a specific 'type'. Neither do I. But for someone who is looking for a Long-Term relationship, you're being awfully casual about actually finding someone if you simply give anybody a chance and not designate what's actually important to you.

People who don't take themselves too seriously and like adventure are not only everywhere on this site, but they're not all the same. They're not simply templates for success. They're real people with a whole host of ideas, traits and complications. So maybe you should try and differentiate them instead of blindly assuming it'll all work out based on those two basic premises.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
is it my profile?
Posted: 12/8/2013 9:56:13 AM

I have met a few guys but they all seem the same.


How so? If you're meeting the same guys over and over again then you need to alter your approach. You do have control over who it is that you wish to meet even though it's not 100% your control.

Your profile is a sentence by sentence copy of pretty much every other woman's profile. Lines about drama? Check. Staying in and going out? Check. Quiet first and talkative later? Check. Looking for a "good guy"? Check. Like here, you say in your profile that you basically want to give up and delete your profile.

It doesn't really make a whole lot of sense to seek advice on the profile itself when it's clear you're fed up. If you don't like trial-and-error with the indefinite period of time it takes to meet someone decent, then online dating isn't for you.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Need Help!
Posted: 12/6/2013 3:15:50 PM

Interesting info Starship, is it just your opinion or based on anyone's research. I'm not saying I disagree, just curious.


That's based on actual research that has been published. Some of the data was collected from a couple million people. Some of it was collected from well over 100,000 people. So, these pools of data aren't small like you may commonly find in other studies in general.

My actual opinion is that interracial dating is certainly on the rise nowadays. However, I still don't feel that it's entirely a part of our consciousness in such a way that we don't debate or bug out about it when we actually see it.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Need Help!
Posted: 12/6/2013 2:35:09 PM

Apparently, white girls hate me lol. I'm the type that is TOTALLY open to race, but it seems like white girls on POF are allergic to me.


This contradicts the online dating statistics. You must be an exception to the rule.

Today we will learn about online dating statistics about race.

Fact: All women (White women, Asian women and Latino women, etc) respond to White men the most. The only women who don't respond to White men as much are Black women (they mostly respond to Black men).

Fact: Most men, except for Asian Men, respond the most to Asian women.

And then...

Fact: Black men and Black women get responded to the least out of everyone. Black women have even worse response rates than Black men.

One final fact: If you asked everybody if they would strongly prefer to date within their own race/ethnicity, most people would say NO...except for White women (which is overwhelmingly what this site is comprised of). They're basically the only group that flips that statistic on its head because more than half of them would say YES.

You're welcome. Happy (racial) Holidays!
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 6 (view)
 
profile review
Posted: 12/5/2013 5:46:21 PM

and yes, I'm not an overly formal person- I express my attention for detail comes in different manner. ;)


I struggled with formality while writing my profile too. My advice is to have formal subjects such as your hobbies, aspirations, what woman you want, etc. However, try to be informal about them. It's up to you to decide how informal you want to go. Attention to detail is always welcome.

Being informal is not only one of the best ways to show personality but also stand out from the other guys. I've reviewed and read so many profiles and many of them follow a very factual, this-is-me-and-this-should-be-you format. It's not a profile-breaking thing to do. But those profiles often feel like introductions on the first day of class rather than a dating profile where you can try and live a little.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Is there something amiss with my profile?
Posted: 12/5/2013 3:57:35 PM

More than you'd think, and I've seen plenty of profiles that list it as an interest. And I'm not surprised you haven't. Looking at the front page of this forum there's only two women asking for review, the rest are men. You can't really make an informed judgement when you only see such a skewed representation.


In defense of the OP, indeed there are women who enjoy anime, manga and videogames on this website. They are fewer in numbers than the majority, of course. By now, videogames should kind of be a dead giveaway considering something like 65% of U.S. households actively play videogames.

Manga and anime are more isolated interests but they're harmless even if one has a strong affinity for them. It could be worse. The OP could be really into taxidermy, goat sacrifices and the mating sounds of bullfrogs but he's not. You aren't OP, right?
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Can you take a look and tell me what you think?
Posted: 12/5/2013 2:04:45 PM

I think my profile is pretty good, but any other opinions would help. Is it too jokey?


Too jokey? Not even close. Humor depends on what you say and since you've said nothing so far, there's no humor.

You have no First Date section, aren't seeking any commitment (friends or otherwise) and provided a specification sheet rather than a profile. Likes/Dislikes lists are very lazy and useless on their own.

Find a voice, figure out what you want to say and then come back.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
 
profile review
Posted: 12/5/2013 1:32:30 PM

Did I include what you'd this is the important info?


For a profile review, yes. But what your reader deems as important to them could be non-existent in your profile. That's individual.


Is it long or overly casual?


Well, for cell phone users I suppose your profile is The Bible in length. But to the rest of us with actual desktops and laptops, it's perfectly acceptable. It's very casual. Was your intention not to be?


I'm pretty outgoing so if you're looking for a date, a fellow adventurer, a friendly conversation, or something more, message me and tell me something interesting about yourself! :)


What is your actual intention? Dating? Text buddies? Friendship? Serious relationship? All of the above?


I think I am pretty interested in the world around me and enjoy pop science and most anything except for too much 'chilling'.


Say what? Chilling as in relaxing, hanging out with friends, etc? The wording just seems out of place.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Profile Review: Don't go easy on me!
Posted: 12/5/2013 7:44:05 AM

I've noticed that many women will check out my profile when I send them a first message, so my messages must not be all that bad,


A view is a view is a view. It's not contingent upon whether or not your message was interesting. They viewed you because they wanted to. Maybe they were bored. You never know.


I tend to be a little reserved at first, but you'll quickly see that I'm a fun-loving guy with a wild sense of humor and probably unlike anyone you've ever met.


In what ways? You're using the premise that they haven't met a variety of people.


Also, when I have time, I enjoy hanging out with my friends, having a couple drinks, lazing about, playing videogames, and watching anime.


I have nothing against lazing about, playing videogames and watching anime. But this is a climate in which such things are considered a character flaw (they are not). People cannot handle it. Leave it in or delete it but keep in mind that it acts as a beacon for rejection left and right.


When it comes to dating, I don't really have a "type", but I will say that I normally don't mesh well with people who always follow the crowd. I'm looking for someone genuine, confident, free-thinking, who likes to laugh and have fun. Hmm, maybe that is a type lol.


On its own, this is not necessarily bad. But looking at it objectively, friends are genuine, confident, free-thinking, laugh and have fun. But you don't date friends, do you? I think it helps to try and differentiate friends from lovers in a place where many people our age see them as synonymous with each other.

But then you take a detour and follow up with this:


If you're still reading this, send me a message! I'm pretty easy-going, so whether you're looking to date, hang out, or just play tennis, I'd love to hear from you :)


So you seem to have conflicting intentions. On one hand, you want an actual, committed girlfriend. But then on the other hand, you open the floodgates and wouldn't care if you just ended up with a tennis partner. Odd. Take an actual position and designate what it is you're truly here for.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Requesting profile review for fun
Posted: 12/4/2013 5:38:44 PM
Just for fun? Ok.


What do I like to do outside, you ask?


I never asked. Are you trying to read my mind?


Hiking is basically the same as walking, but more green stuff around.


What if the green stuff is alien excrement?


If we feel like our friendship's going too well, we can even whip out the Dokapon Kingdom to completely ruin our relationships.


Playing games to play games . Clever!


Every person is their own universe of experience, and if for only one brief moment in time, I enjoy stealing a bit of that world for myself.


That's called possession.


Why, this sounds marvelous, you gasp.


How does someone gasp speech? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of gasping which is to be speechless?


My field is online tech support, so clearly I am a glutton for punishment.


Well, computers are stupid by themselves so can you blame them?


You see, I secretly want to be Batman. Understand that, at some point in time, you may see me in some sort of form-fitting spandex with a stylized logo emblazoned across the chest.


That's not Batman. That's a man in spandex with a big ass logo on his chest.....which is a fashion abomination.


Finally, dear reader, I must implore you to not hesitate if there's anything else you might want to know. After all, I value our relationship far too dearly for there to be mystery between us.


But you secretly want to be Batman. You can't be Batman with no mystery...or grappling hook.


As stated above, I'm a fan of adventure. Exploring the unknown. Let's check out the moon.


Boooooooorrriinnng. If you want to be adventurous, check out the Eagle Nebula.....which is several light years away from Earth....and is exclusively made of trillions of hungry eagles.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Need help, truthful not brutal please...
Posted: 12/4/2013 4:24:54 PM
What you have is a collection of ideas but no actual expansion on them. You study IT, but IT is a massive field (computer science, information assurance, management information systems, etc). You enjoy hanging out in town with drinks and laughter but many, many people do.

You're quiet and talkative but don't really offer insight into your mind, things you'd like to explore or some convictions you hold. Everyone on the planet who isn't dead or lacks the ability to laugh...CAN laugh. But what does that even say about someone, really? Funny, genuine and smart can be taken many directions. Do you want someone whose humor is dark, sarcastic, cheesy or self-deprecating? Would you like someone street smart, book smart, people smart? All three? Everyone is technically genuine....unless they're a murderous Terminator in disguise. What do you really mean by 'genuine'?

These are just a few things to think about as far as giving people more of a picture.

First Date section sucks. If there's any part of your profile where you can convince someone that you're ok to be around/hang out with then that's the part. Come up with actual ideas. Give them some kind of clue as to what you actually enjoy or things you'd like to try out. It gives you personality.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
 
I was about to delete my profile but before I do can I get a review?!
Posted: 12/1/2013 3:37:17 PM

I have been on here for a while and I have had no results what's so ever. I message before with no response replied.. I don't really get it.


It's all about your expectations. If you expect to meet someone from here right away then you can, but you may not. If you expect to take weeks and months to meet someone then you might have to, but then you might not. The person will come along when they come along.

Although, in your profile you have a very halfhearted, kind of aloof feel to it as if you just wandered here with no idea of what to do/expect. You've even admitted that here which may mean online dating isn't for you as it's not for everyone.

The reality is that the site is oversaturated with people who 'just don't get it'. I think the problem is in your approach more so than the profile itself. Figure out if the amount of rejection you've experienced (and may continue to experience) is something you can shrug off easily. That's the first step to 'getting it'.
 StarshipNarrator
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Help with my profile please
Posted: 11/29/2013 6:59:16 PM

I am not so worried about any conversation or lack thereof, I am more interested in why they may look at my profile and not respond at all....


This is something that cannot be fully rationalized. They saw your message, looked at your profile and didn't care to respond. Simple. It happens to virtually everyone.

Remove the pictures of your feet and the fireplace. The only pictures that should be up should actually show your face.

It's hard to come away with a good idea of who you are when you stick to information about foods, movies or music.


The written word can only go so far when you are getting to know someone. You really have to meet in order to determine compatibility and see if there is any chemistry. Try me...you might like me! But you will never know if you don't meet me....


If you couple that with your headline then it gives off a desperate vibe. I see that as the main deterrent in your profile. You know, 'please try me'. Remember, you're talking to a complete stranger that you have no actual correspondence with so far. You dismiss guys just as easily as they have dismissed you. So, is this even really necessary or important to say?

Delete the information about using common courtesy with messaging at the bottom. It's unnecessary and doesn't really add to your profile at all. Common courtesy and online dating go together like respect and two guys in a slugfest; they don't! Also, remove the info about chatting, texting and messaging. You don't need to coach them as they already know the process.
 
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