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 Author Thread: What are you thinking? Head games….
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
What are you thinking? Head games….
Posted: 1/25/2009 4:12:02 AM
Yep, I can't cope with being asked wht I'm thinking all the time because like you say, often I'm thinking of nothing much at all. I like silences sometimes, but they can make some people nervous, which is why they have to ask what you are thinking all the time.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
an act of kindness
Posted: 1/25/2009 4:05:23 AM
yes I agree, that's a prize winning tash, and the poem is thought provoking.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Not attracted
Posted: 10/3/2008 9:54:50 AM
If you say something about his wieght now he won't understand why, because you started seeing him when he was already a big guy.
He is trying to control you too by going everywhere with you. He obviously doesn't trust you to be faithful but this may well be down to his own insecurities. It sounds like he has no self esteem. Telling him he's fat will make him feel worse and he'll possibly eat more to console himself.

Maybe you should try cooking for him and suggest you go out running together. However as you don't fancy him now I doubt you'll feel anything for him once he's slimmed down either. Love is not about physical attraction. I suspect you'd both be better off single.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
feeling pity for someone
Posted: 10/2/2008 2:50:22 PM
It is really hard to identify how you feel about someone who needs a shoulder to cry on but my advice is to ask yourself if you really want to be that shoulder? Or do you want someone who is self assured and has no issues to resolve? I have taken on at least one 'poor soul' in the past and regretted it. If you are solid and sorted, why hook up with someone who isn't? When you feel pity for someone who is needy, only a poor relationship can be the result. You will feel washed out and unsupported. You must deserve more? When you meet someone and they start to whine about how mean and terrible their ex was, it's time to call a halt and not see them again. Dont' get roped in by the 'poor old me' story you are being told.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
BF suddenly freaked out
Posted: 9/30/2008 1:30:28 PM
I saw a guy every weekend for 14 months. He finished with me by email. There was no discussion at all, just an email that said I was his stepping stone on to something better.
It was a shock to me initially but people often do U turns and panic that they have gotten themselves in to something they no longer want. The only possible reasons I can fathom that he didn't want to talk to me, is because either he didn't care about my feelings or he was a coward and afraid that I might cry. I don't want to be with someone who can be so heartless and I'm better off without him.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 15 (view)
 
What the heck????
Posted: 9/30/2008 1:19:37 PM
The first thing that springs to my mind is that he has things in his past (or present) that you wouldn't like. People often accuse others of the very thing they are guilty of. it is extremely unlikely that he found out anything at all about you and was trying to get himself off the hook. I reckon Ron9 is right and that the guy's already attached in some way.

I know you are are extremely hurt but there is no point in dwelling on it. Move on as fast as possible. The guy is an insecure idiot and you had a lucky escape.

Don't overlook it when someone tells you lies in the future. If they can lie about small details, they can certainly lie about the big stuff too.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
What do yo do when a guy tell you that he's not stringing you along?
Posted: 9/30/2008 9:56:13 AM
I'd forget him personally. He can't be bothered to stay in contact with you properly and will probably still expect you to hang around waiting for him. Go out with other guys and have a laugh. There's no need to be so serious either. Asking a guy if he's mad at you is the kiss of death at the start of a relationship because it makes you sound too needy. He can't really be bothered to see you on a regular basis but he might deign to come and see you if he's really bored one day.
Relax a little and find someone else. There are other decent men around who will make time for you.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
The Berry Syndrome
Posted: 9/29/2008 4:08:32 PM
hahaha, made me giggle. These people obviously don't like themselves when they put up photos of someone else. I spoke a guy who went to meet someone and her Mum turned up for the date. He politely said 'I shall be going home now'. I must admit I don't admire the gall of people who deliberately mislead others.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Is having no car a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/29/2008 12:16:08 PM
In Britain I think it is necessary to have a car to go on dates, as our public transport is not great when trying to get to the smaller towns.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 23 (view)
 
I have a friend who says people on dating sites have something to hide...
Posted: 9/29/2008 11:33:40 AM
JLMounce I can't believe you had no luck offline...you're lovely! x
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 22 (view)
 
I have a friend who says people on dating sites have something to hide...
Posted: 9/29/2008 11:30:57 AM
It is perhaps easier to hide things online but lets face it, the choice of potential mates is far larger on a dating site than it would be on your average night out with your friends. Anyone who you meet in a bar isn't necessarily what/who they say they are either and I have always felt that to be approached by someone in a bar puts me in a difficult situation. He may be attracted to me but I may not reciprocate that feeling and it becomes an embarrassing situation.

I think it's easier to get to know someone online and far less stressful for everyone.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
He wants to bring wine over
Posted: 9/27/2008 5:34:57 AM
Let him bring wine but don't drink any yourself...simple.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
What the heck is up with me
Posted: 9/27/2008 5:28:40 AM
The same thing happens to me over and over again. You certainly aren't alone. The older you get though, I figure the harder it becomes to form a romantic relationship. People become more specific in what they want in a partner because they don't want to repeat old mistakes. I don't think there is anything wrong with me, but I do think it's going to take a long time to meet someone who shares my ideals and who satisfies my idea of what is attractive. As well as what I want, if I add what my date thinks is/isn't attractive, then the odds of meeting the right person become so long that it almost seems impossible. I'm not going to give up though. I have met some lovely people along the way and I have tried to remember that life is a journey not a destination. Enjoy being single whilst you still are. There is a lot to be said for it. Just remember there is nothing wrong with you...at all.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 34 (view)
 
How do you kill your emotions?
Posted: 9/26/2008 4:20:49 PM
I allow myself to cry heartily for a few hours and then I'll realise the hurt that person has caused me is not worth celebrating further. I pick myself up and shout Next!

I do my own thing and enjoy the time I am single and able to do what I like, when I like. I enjoy meeting and dating new people. I don't allow myself to get bored. It can be hard I admit, but when someone wants to be rid of you, they are not worth thinking about anymore. They are not worth any more of your precious time. You need to find some self respect and realise that you have a life to get on with. Moping over a lost love never helped anyone.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
What do ya think? Should I keep at it?
Posted: 9/20/2008 4:46:43 PM
I've read a number of your posts and I really hope you find the courage to ask this young lady out on a proper date. Even if she says no, at least you will have tried. Best wishes to you and good luck.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Women please tell me how to find out if a guy is lying???
Posted: 9/20/2008 4:37:51 PM
It sounds like he is hiding something to me. Go with your instinct. There are a lot of good honest men out there. You don't need one who tells you lies.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 54 (view)
 
Deleting profile b/c of inappropriate messages from men
Posted: 9/20/2008 4:34:31 PM
It's been a few days since you said you were going to delete your profile but you haven't done it. Has your luck changed? I really hope so. I don't think there is anything wrong with your profile but you are a pretty girl and unfortunately that on it's own, can cause problems with unwanted attention. Good luck.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 69 (view)
 
I am really starting to hate dating
Posted: 9/20/2008 4:29:00 PM
Hahahahahaha, thanks for that. We all have tales to tell about nightmare dates but that's a great one. Maybe you should spend a bit more time emailling and chatting on the phone before you meet the next one though. Weirods often give themselves away beforehand and can then be avoided like the plague.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Why does there have to be a Type with men
Posted: 9/19/2008 5:34:16 PM
I am so sorry that you are feeling so hurt. I know how that feels.

I really don't think men have a type as such.
They do go for what is inside a person but they are very much more visual than women and so it is important that they are attracted physically to a woman, as well as attracted to what is inside. Bless you my darling, don't let him get to you like this.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Amazing chemistry with guy - to later be dumped. Why?
Posted: 9/19/2008 5:29:22 PM
Don't take his weird behaviour personally. Maybe it's just not the right time for him to commit to someone.

I hope you didn't do the deed with him. If you did, then you gave it up too easily.

If it were me, I'd stay in contact with him but not expect anything more than the friendnship he is offering to you.

Don't cry over him, just move on my dear.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
How often is it that they look better in person?
Posted: 9/19/2008 2:29:33 PM
Most of the guys I have met have looked better in person. I think that might be because photos are 2 dimensional whereas a real person is a contantly changing 3 dimensional picture with subtle nuances showing in their expressions.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Bedfords Launch Meet feedback, comments and pictures.
Posted: 9/18/2008 10:03:21 AM
Thank you for a great night out ladies. I thought it was brill!
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Body art - why the double standard?
Posted: 9/16/2008 4:01:52 PM
What a stupid man he was. I see no difference between your markings and his own.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Am I a door mat?
Posted: 9/14/2008 6:16:09 AM
Learn from it and don't go for an emotional wreck next time. Why should it be up to you to help someone who can't get their life together themselves? We are alll worn out and tired when we get home from work but we do our own housework and would never expect someone else to help us with it. You don't need to take on anyone elses responsibilities when you already have your own.
This man saw you as a stepping stone to help him on his way to something better...do you want to be seen that way? That's what you made yourself in to. I've done it too, because I have a strong urge to nurture weak people. I won't be doing it again though. You are too kind for your own good and he took advantage of you. He lost respect for you because you did everything for him and he did nothing for you, yet you still clung to his sorry ass. Get tough and don't accept a weak man next time. Find a man who is your equal.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Seeking Advice
Posted: 9/12/2008 4:42:58 PM
She doesn't love you deeply. If she did she wouldn't be worried about finding out if there is any chemistry between her and the military man.

I know it's easy for me to say but you should move on. You'll get even more hurt if you don't.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 48 (view)
 
I need an excuse to get out of it....
Posted: 9/2/2008 3:55:30 PM
Tell her the truth. She's your ex girlfriend and you shouldn't feel obliged to go. At least you'll have given her enough time to find someone else to go with.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
He went abroad to see the woman hes fallen for
Posted: 8/31/2008 5:58:56 AM
Awww, I am sad for you. Maybe he'll come home and not have had such a good time. People don't always hit it off when they have to spend a whole week together. Don't count any chickens just yet. You do need to listen to what he says when he comes back. I get the feeling he'll be honest with you about how he got on and then you'll at least have some idea whether he's still single or not.

I suppose it depends now on whether you want to hold out and see if his feelings for you change at all. Personally, I would do my best not to think along those lines anymore. Just be his friend. Some of the best relationships do come out of friendship but friendship sometimes remains simply that and never moves on to anything else. Don't tell him how you feel. You will just embarrass yourself and him and then you will have totally stabbed yourself in the foot. Try to concentrate on yourself. No need to forget him but make sure you don't hang around waiting for him to ring or turn up on the doorstep. You got to live your life girl.

If he had a terrible time then you can listen sympathetically and nod understandingly and be a good friend. Meanwhile you should actively look for someone else. The right man who reciprocates your feelings, could be searching for you, at this very moment!
Good luck
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 100 (view)
 
Oh now, she looses the weight
Posted: 8/30/2008 5:40:47 PM
I'm not sure weight is always to do with emotions. My weight goes up and down. For me it depends on how much time I have to dedicate to myself. When I had more time I would go to the gym 5 times a week and my weight went down. Now i don't have the time my weight is up again...ces't la vie.
It's nothing to do with my emotions. I don't think it's possible to generalise.

Some people comfort eat and others don't. Maybe your ex just has more time to herself these days and has a chance to exercise properly.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Gut Instincts in Dating
Posted: 8/30/2008 3:02:48 PM
The thing that makes me most wary of someone, is when I mention my pet bunnies and they then make a comment about rabbit pie/stew....It's surprising how many people think I might find that particular comment amusing.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Can someone please tell me what I'm doing wrong??
Posted: 8/30/2008 2:51:49 PM
Good grief you really do know how to pick them!
I know the feeling, I've met some real nutters but I reject them pretty quickly. On the other hand I have also met some wonderful people who i will remain friends with.
You just need to look for peculiarities right from the start, even in the emails.
Remember now that not all men are habitual liars...but of course some are, so until you have a good reason to believe what someone tells you, take it with a pinch of salt.
I met a guy who tried to get my credit card details to gamble with and another who tried to get in my good books because he had no house and was sleeping on his mates sofa. He made his real intentions known quite quickly on the first date though when he said 'My ex girlfriend and daughter live down the road from you' then later...'if we get on well I could come and live with you.'...put those things together and it's plain what he was up to. Listen carefully to everything they say and don't dismiss a nagging doubt. Women's intuition is almost always correct.
Good luck with the next one.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 70 (view)
 
Should a woman buy a man a drink on the first date?
Posted: 8/30/2008 2:36:11 PM
I don't believe what I'm reading. You obviously expect not to buy a drink for someone who bought one for you. How selfish. It doesn't matter what gender they are!

Stop living in the dark ages. It's people like you that are holding up the progress of equality.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
A great catch on the rebound?
Posted: 8/29/2008 5:43:40 PM
I'd say be careful. I haven't seen this sort of situation work out well before. If you are enjoying your time with her then great but be aware that often people change immensely after a split and start to look for someone completely different to their ex. Are you completely different to him? I think you are doing it right by taking things slowly and she must appreciate your friendship, but she will probably be in no fit state to contemplate anything serious for a while yet and may well look elsewhere when she is ready. I found myself in a similar position with a guy that i think was still in love with his ex wife. When he split with me after a year together, he referred to me as 'a stepping stone on the way to something better,' which was a comment I was really hurt by.

Don't count any chickens just yet.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 35 (view)
 
what is he really saying?
Posted: 8/29/2008 2:22:29 AM
I'd be inclined to listen to what the men are saying to you here..... after all you are trying to understand the behaviour of a man. Nothing against the ladies but we tend to have a slightly different spin on things...I think we often look for hope in a relationship, when in fact there is none. I suspect though, as the men are telling you in this thread, that it's over and you should forget him. It's a miserable feeling when you think you have really connected with someone then suddenly they just don't want you anymore but almost all of us, have that happen at some point in our lives. I hope you heal quickly.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Do I tell a family friend that our spouses have been having an affair right under our noses?
Posted: 8/28/2008 5:17:11 AM
It is not your duty to tell his wife. Anyway her kid is dying and she shouldn't be exposed to any further hurt. Get rid of the lying b**ch you're married to though.
Kick her out and tell her to go live with her bit on the side. You are too nice !
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
HOW LONG SHOULD YOU REALLY WAIT..???
Posted: 8/27/2008 5:01:30 PM
Jenn, you have a life to live. There are others who will light that spark in you. This man has at least been honest and told you he's not ready. Set him free. He may come back to you but don't wait for that. You are young enough to find someone else to make a future with. Life is there waiting for you to enjoy it. There are some brilliant people out there, go find them.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Would you open you marriage to save it?
Posted: 8/25/2008 2:49:02 PM
Well I think different things would work for different people. I knew a couple who were about to divorce but as a last ditch attempt to save their marriage, they went to counselling. They were advised to live seperately and begin dating like they were not married. They did this and it worked for them. I doubt that the 'twice monthly sex outside marriage' plan would work for very many people. I know at least one couple whose marriage was wrecked further by 'swinging' and they ended up divorcing because of it. It is not something I would agree to do if I were married. I will not share.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 61 (view)
 
Found my guy on Hot or Not - not good
Posted: 8/25/2008 12:52:30 PM
What a shame, but I think most of us have been in a similar situation soon after meeting someone. I suppose it just serves as a warning not to invest too much in a relationship too quickly.

Until I've known someone (male or female) for a long time (a year or more) and have seen how they behave in various situations, I don't take their word for anything. Maybe I have a suspicious nature but people rarely tell the complete truth to a new aquaintance.

Next time you meet someone and begin to see them see regularly, resist the idea that you are falling in love after only 2 months. You can only love what you have seen so far and all people are far more complex than two months worth of contact.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Did I overreact?
Posted: 8/24/2008 5:22:34 PM
Risky and dangerous. I think you should have just left her stuff at the airport. She clearly didn't really care about her stuff otherwise she would have collected it herself ages ago. However i do kind of understand that you were annoyed. Did it make you feel better to dump her stuff? Maybe it helped you at the time but the fact that you posted something about it here, suggests you haven't moved on. There is no need to forgive but you do need to forget. The relationship was not meant to be.
I have always thought that being angry is a wasted emotion personally. Stop being angry. Life is too short. Sweep the incident aside and start afresh.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
why is this tactic used?
Posted: 8/23/2008 4:29:59 AM
I think it's just way to avoid having to hurt someone. Nobody likes to give someone else the 'I don't think it's going to work ' speech.
It's a case of not being able to look that person in the eye and say it.
Some people are particulary thick skinned I guess and don't pick up the message from being cancelled on the whole time. Personally if I don't want to see someone again, I'll tell them.

I don't think there is any blowback from cancelling dates and just being unreliable. Eventually the person you are messing around will get fed up with it and you'll get away scot free. Personally, I couldn't do it though because I realise that other peoples time is just as precious as mine.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Compliment as opening?
Posted: 8/22/2008 2:11:30 PM
Personally I am flattered if a guy says something about what I'm wearing. For example,

'that shade of green looks really good on you.'

He's telling me I look good in the colour I chose and he's telling me I look good anyway but he's also noticed what i'm wearing , which actually most guys don't, so that instantly makes him more interesting to me, than the average guy.
It's a compliment that isn't over personal, sexual or scary though.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
is is all my fault?
Posted: 8/22/2008 6:11:43 AM
Silly girl. Guys hate being told they are gay when they aren't.
You couldn't have been much more insulting if you tried.
Why on Earth did you think it was a good idea to say that to him and what's the big deal about him going somewhere with his friend? For god's sake grow up.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
truly an aching broken heart :(
Posted: 8/20/2008 10:45:57 AM
Looking from an outsiders point of view, it sounds like you are being extremely silly. You do realise that don't you?
You say you 'slowly' fell in love. Love is not something you can honestly experience any aspect of, in 4 months. Come on girl, you hardly know the man!

He moved back home and that was his choice. He chose not to take the difficult path to stay with you and pay off his debts. Why did he choose the easy option I wonder?? If he really loved you he would have fought tooth and nail to stay in the UK.

Why on Earth did you even risk meeting this man, when you knew all along that he wouldn't be staying here? What was the point? You were setting yourself up for heartbreak right from the start.

I expect that at some point he will contact you and tell you he is not coming back, or worse, he might just stop ringing you and spending every spare moment on messenger. He has a life to lead and so do you. Why should he want to come back? He's finished his degree and now he'll probably meet a lady native to his own country, that he can marry, have his own biological children with and enjoy a normal family life.
Sorry to say this but in my honest opinion I think you were used for sex. You have a great deal to learn about how things work and you need to learn quickly, otherwise you'll be hurt over and over again.

Be sensible now. Forget him as soon as you can. I know how hurt you must be feeling and I am not without sympathy but you can and must, force yourself to feel better by looking forwards instead of backwards. Next time look for a stable man, who has finished having kids, that isn't about to go swanning off to another country, leaving you and your children behind with an empty promise of returning. Don't go setting yourself up for failure.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Getting back into the game when you have been out for so long.
Posted: 8/19/2008 3:27:48 PM
I was out of the dating game for 6 years because I was in a relationship. When I came back to it, just like you, I couldn't believe how things had changed. I have found it is best to stick with what you believe. There is no need to accept someone else's idea of how a date should go. I still believe it is the woman who dictates how far things go and when anything physical happens. Stick to your guns girl and do what you feel is right. Anyone who pressures you is not worth the time of day. I'd agree with you on staying in a public place until you feel happy about being alone with a guy. Good luck and happy fishing.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Have I lost the love of my life
Posted: 8/18/2008 1:54:26 PM
I just looked at your profile. You are a smart and beautiful woman. The man was a fool to pass you by and it's most definitely his loss.
I can tell by your last post you are beginning to see what he really was but you still blame yourself for not seeing it earlier. Stop blaming yourself.

Don't allow the bad experience you have had, ruin other potential partnerships. It is probably in your mind that it will happen to you again. Next time take things a little slower and remember actions speak louder than words. The words you wanted to hear, kept pouring out of his mouth didn't they, but actually they meant nothing. Judge a person by the things they do and you will have a much better idea of who they are.

Best wishes for a really speedy recovery.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Single Person & Dates At Weddings
Posted: 8/12/2008 4:49:11 PM
If you are that worried about it invite a female friend or relative to go with you.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
advice about dating for one year, what should be the next step?
Posted: 8/12/2008 4:27:07 PM
I'm totally with Bucsgirl on this one. I think he means what he says and it's unrealistic to expect more just because you want it. Can you not just enjoy the time you spend together for what it is? Sure, things might change but he has told you and been honest whilst trying not to hurt your feelings.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 21 (view)
 
TAKEN FOR A MUG
Posted: 8/12/2008 4:20:43 PM
It's good that your new guy knows about that nasty piece of work that won't leave you alone. Hopefully he offers his support to you. You know you are worth a great deal more than this nutter is trying to make you believe. You must act against him. Do it in the morning, when you get up. Call the police. Make it your priority. You have to reclaim your own life.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
 
TAKEN FOR A MUG
Posted: 8/12/2008 3:59:18 PM
My darling you are not stupid. He's made you believe that, but it isn't true. None of us think you are stupid.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
TAKEN FOR A MUG
Posted: 8/12/2008 3:40:22 PM
Only the legal system can help you with this one. You need to be rid of this man. He is violent and nasty and sounds like he could even be mentally ill going by what you have said. You are in danger. Get the police involved.
 willowbunny
Joined: 7/20/2006
Msg: 60 (view)
 
Clothes do make the man
Posted: 8/12/2008 3:28:51 PM
There is no excuse for being smelly or dirty unless the guy ran in to trouble on the way to meet you. I would never turn up on a date looking and smelling dirty and would be upset if I ever met a guy that did....so far I have to say the guys I have met have been fastidious about the way they look and smell.
I do think you have had some bad luck there. Have a good look at the pics on the profile before you arrange to meet someone. That should give you some idea what you are letting yourself in for.
 
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