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 Author Thread: Girls in the Military
 Allen63DH8
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Girls in the Military
Posted: 11/27/2011 4:17:15 PM
I would date a member of the military as I am not only a Veteran, but also a military brat. My dad was a WWII, Korean war, and Vietnam veteran. I know what it is like as the one at home as well as the one deployed.

I know the military lady who I date will not be able to be home all the time, but that doesn't mean we could not have a relationship. I know what it feels not to have support from home and not get mail while deployed. I also know how important it is to get that support and mail. The military member is defending and supporting our Nation. The spouse and family should support them. The military places that support so high that the mail has the same priority as meals and ammunition. People need to realize and understand how important that support is, especially if they are in relationship with a member of our military.

To me, a relationship is not about "me, me, me". It's about how well both people in the relationship places the other before self. The moment one or the other fails to place the other person first, the relationship fails.

Date a military girl? Faster than Infantry calls in Artillery!
 Allen63DH8
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Military Life and the Single Parent?
Posted: 12/7/2009 2:49:09 AM
ConsciousSoul, I may not like your views on the military or the US, but I agree with what you say about how military life is not great for children. In one sense, I don't regret seeing the world and experiencing other cultures. In fact, I enjoyed the hell out of the experiences. I feel it made me more tolerant and understanding of other cultures because I lived in other countries. Also, I got to see things many people never get to see or experience. However, I don't have any childhood friends. I don't have family beyond my mom (dad died from cancer from agent orange contamination) and my siblings. I don't have childhood toys because we had to get rid of them every time we moved. I don't have a "home town". I don't have a place where I "grew up". I was always the "new kid" every few years when we moved. Mostly, I''m a vague memory in my former classmate's minds because I didn't attend schools for more than a few years. I have problems making friends; I gave up on making them at an early age because I knew I was only going to lose them when I move with-in a few years. A rich life? YES! But at what price?

I hope the OP reads this so she'll know what she'll put her children through.

btw... The rumors of the US invading to plunder the Canadian resources are not true. (The plans are top secret, and we'd have to kill you if you ever found out about them. )
 Allen63DH8
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Military Life and the Single Parent?
Posted: 12/7/2009 2:16:37 AM
Daydreaming, if you really want to give your children a good future, go back to school and get a job with the education you get. As a person who's "been there, done that", please trust me when I say it's for not only for your good, but your children's good that you don't join. Please put them first in your life.

The difference between what your sister's kids and your kids will be going through is YOU won't be there with your mom to help raise them. That's one less person to help raise them. Is that really better than having both you and your mom raising your children? In addition to one less person raising your children, you're adding stress on you mom. How is that additional stress going to effect your son with his Autism? I too have a disabled child. That's one of the reason I left the military. However, I didn't just leave. I came to the end of my terms of service. When I had a choice between re-upping or getting out, I got out. My girls needed me more than my country did.

When I returned from the Gulf, Elizabeth, my daughter with cerebral palsy, jumped out of my father-in-law's arms and into mine. She gave me a hug, then looked into my eyes, hugged me again, then looked into my eyes, then hugged me once again, then tried to talk to me. I got the impression that she was trying to say she never wanted me to leave ever again. I kept that promise not to ever leave her. My in-laws, my parents, and my ex said she would go days crying for me. She wouldn't eat for days while she was crying for me. Elizabeth would fixate on the TV, looking for me. Every time she saw soldiers, she would watch closely to see if she could find me. When the news was over, she would go back to crying. Everyone said she never was happy while I was gone. She would push everyone away because she wanted her daddy.

When I got back, my younger daughter would stare at me like she was trying to figure out who I was. To this day, almost 19 years later, there still seems to be an invisible wall between us. We're close, but there's like "something" that keeps us apart. We're not as close as Elizabeth and I. I mean, we're close, but not as close. No matter how hard I've tried, there's this invisible wall between us. It's like how my brother and dad were.

Back in the 60s, while my dad was in Vietnam, a Navy pastor showed up at our door and told us my dad was missing after his riverboat was blown up. I was five or six years old at the time. I remember thinking that I am now the man of the family. My mother didn't know what to do. She ended up stressing big time. She was born and raised in Japan. She left Japan a few years earlier, in 1960, so she didn't have family to turn to. My dad's family was on the east coast, so there was no contact from them. We wouldn't get a hold of them because my dad said he didn't want to have much to do with them. I want to say it was perhaps a month. Maybe three weeks before we got a message from the Navy saying they found my dad onboard a hospital ship. They didn't know who he was because he was brought in without ID. A few months later, he came home only to get orders to go back to Vietnam several months later. A few months later, another Navy pastor stopped by to tell us my dad was missing after his river patrol boat was blown up. It was the same thing all over again. My mom ended up having a nervous breakdown, and on Valium.

After my dad came home, he informed us that his sea duty days were over because he had re-enlisted enough times. I hope you see why I do not recommend single parents to join the military. As for "If you are not willing to stand behind our military men and women, by all means, feel free to stand in front of them." You're not in. I was. I was in the first wave into Iraq back in 1991. When I came back, my dad said he joined the military in hopes that I never would have to. I'm trying to convince you not to join so your children won't have to go through what I did as a kid.

Remember one thing; Once you enlist, you can't back out or quit unless you want to end up in federal prison. When you're in, you're in until the end of your enlistment. If you leave, especially during a deployment, you WILL end up in jail. Starting with your home town, the police will be notified. Next, your social security number will be tagged so you can't get employment. If you do find employment, your social security number will alert the feds of your location. btw... leaving when you've been placed on orders that you're going to be deployed is called desertion. It's punishable by death. More than likely, you'll end up doing life in federal prison at Ft. Leavenworth, Kansas.

Now, if you still want to join, email me at Allen63DH8 at cs dot com. I'll let you know what you need to do as a single parent to join, starting with your last will and testament. Resign yourself to going to war. That's the purpose of the military.


In the meantime, start running, and do push-ups and sit-ups. You need to be able to run two miles in 19:42 minutes, and do at least 19 push ups in two minutes to graduate basic training. I think women have to do at least 47 sit-ups in two minutes to graduate basic.
http://www.usarec.army.mil/hq/apa/rc/apft.htm

Here's the weight standards for the Army:
http://www.usarec.army.mil/hq/apa/rc/weight.htm

Dulce bellum inexpertis [War is delightful to those who have no experience of it]
-Erasmus
"The military don't start wars. Politicians start wars."
-William Westmoreland
 Allen63DH8
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Military Life and the Single Parent?
Posted: 12/3/2009 8:09:52 PM
Daydreaming, my dad was in the military for 32 years. WWII, Korea, and Vietnam. I know what it is to be a kid and have his dad gone for a year at a time. Even after my dad died years after he got out, my brother still isn't close to him.

I was also in the military for eight years, 1990-91 Gulf War included. I'm having the same problem with my younger daughter. (Obviously, I'm a single parent or I wouldn't be here.) Do you really want this kind of problem with your children? My girls have "issues" with abandonment because I was gone for a year, and because their mother left us. Again, do you really want this for your kids? Kids don't understand much more than mom or dad left them. I knew several single parents who joined and had to leave their kids behind while they were deployed. Most, their kids didn't forgive their parents for years if ever. Do you want this for you?

This is really a hard topic for me for several reasons. First, I have always encouraged people to join the military. It teaches you to put something above "self". Enlisting also teaching self-discipline, integrity, self sacrifice, and honor. Granted, not everyone comes out of the military continuing these traits, but they are taught it. When you join, you're putting your country first so your family will have a safe place to live. In a sense, you're looking out for your family, but you'll be doing so by putting them on the back burner. When the military says, "deploy", you go or you go to jail.

When you have children, you have to put them first. They didn't decide to get born. YOU decided to have them. You brought them out in the world. They depend on you. They look up to you. The military isn't a good place for a single parent. That's why I left after serving for eight years.
 
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