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 Author Thread: How can I move on?
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
 
How can I move on?
Posted: 6/25/2014 12:12:46 PM
You haven't accepted (yet) that it is not your responsibility to fix his problems. Once you accept that you are only responsibile for your own happiness then you can move on.

We can add value of happiness and help to other people's lives, but the rest is up to the other person. You can open the door for them but they have to (willing) walk through such door.

Best luck and seek out endeavors that will improve yourself to raise your self esteem to healthy levels again.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 78 (view)
 
You have to ignore a girl to get her attention?
Posted: 6/25/2014 12:07:48 PM
If your goal is to land hook ups then ignoring and depriving beautiful women attention works to an extent. If your goal is to have a relationship that adds value to your life then nothing beats being direct.

Some will say being an alpha male is not showing much interest in one particular woman while I would argue an alpha male isn't afraid of being direct, sincere and confident in what he wants. Women place high value on men that take initiative a lot.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 34 (view)
 
How long does it really take men to commit?
Posted: 6/25/2014 12:02:19 PM
Men (and women) don't commit to a significant other that lack direction. If you don't add value to his life then he isn't invested in you as a person. Thus, you must decide what you want out of the relationship and clearly communicate this. Your failure to be direct in communicating with him what is acceptable for you is why you are in this bind.

If you are a not a priority for him then you are not a match.

/Truth.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 127 (view)
 
Is it me or is POF one-sided?
Posted: 6/22/2014 1:09:48 PM
Based on the results on tinder...the majority of women contact the top 10% of men. Online dating as your main avenue as a man is a big, big mistake. Even if you are gay/bi man that is still not a good idea IMO.

It is still a tool that can help but yes POF and all other dating sites/apps are one sided.

If you are not viewed the apex of socio-economy then you are already at a disadvantage. But it doesn't mean that you are stuck in a league because adult hood is the big league period. So. you can empower yourself to be a better man and that is why online dating is a waste for a man if that is your main avenue. Empowering yourself with real life endeavors is what attracts women.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Why would a guy flip like that?
Posted: 6/19/2014 9:49:10 PM
He made a rational choice by communicating he believes that self help books are a waste of time. You have to decide if you agree with that or not.

No question is a dumb question from my view, but the answer I will give about self help books is this however: The answers to your personal problem you already know, but are seeking validation elsewhere in the hopes that what you know isn't true.

By trying to use the self help book and your friend as a gauge, you have abdicated your responsibility to find inner awareness on your own.



 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 14 (view)
 
What am I doing wrong/why the nonsense?
Posted: 6/15/2014 8:05:53 AM
Let me give my point of view.

Bars and clubs is a no go because you will encounter a lot more flakiness and inconsistencies. I disagree with the others that your picker is broken because women in that age range have such behavior because they feel their options are limitless. Only when they start to age (eg 30's) some women start to become a bit more focused while others continue such a life while their options will start to dwindle.

In summary, if you want to date good women you have to put in the work and online dating should not be your main way to find dates IMVHO. Women have an inflated self worth in their 20's and start to come back down to earth as they age because they have to bring more to a relationship.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Girlfriend broke up with me out of blue
Posted: 6/14/2014 6:45:54 PM
She found another man.

/end
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Feel like don't know how to date and connect anymore...despite many first dates! No genuine openness
Posted: 6/5/2014 10:11:22 PM
Choose an activity that you like. Don't pretend to be someone you are not just because it works. Sure, you can do that but you are looking for validation from a woman by doing that which is a self defeating destiny.

If you are true to yourself and not seeking validation only then will you be able to attract a woman that appreciates your individuality.

Women like men that stand for something and are capable of taking calculated risks. If you feel dating is bland and dry it is because you have made it be that way.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 12 (view)
 
how do i know if we are more
Posted: 6/5/2014 9:52:01 PM
You will know you all are more when he tells you point blank or you ask for more.

Yes it is that simple.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 12 (view)
 
What if you found red flags about a guy you're dating?
Posted: 6/5/2014 9:45:20 PM
If you have trust issues and it is only fourth months in this is a not a good sign. Reality is why do you care so much about his past? If you revealed your past to your dates many probably would be just as judgemental as you are being based on limited information.

So, you either accept what he told you at face value and continue to observe if his actions align with his words or you make a choice to move on.

It is not romantic/endearing/flattering, etc or a good idea, to discuss past relationships with a person you are dating or even ask about past relationships.

It is not customary to force the issue about past relationships because that will drive a wedge with the new relationship you are trying to forge. In a way you are inflicting damage to a budding relationship by trying to drag past relationship issues to the forefront.



 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 17 (view)
 
man under stress - what to expect? & how to approach
Posted: 6/5/2014 9:43:10 PM
You have two choices:

Continue as normal or initiate the exclusive talk. Everything else is irrelevant until you accept how you want to proceed. Failure to embrace the reality of the situation or even discuss is something you do control.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 196 (view)
 
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 6/5/2014 9:28:58 PM
Friends first limits your options because what do you tell the other women you are dating? Multi dating is very popular these days and nine times out of a ten a guy is going to end up becoming exclusive with a woman that can make a decision to continue the relationship or not. Friends first is surrendering all this decision making to a man or woman leaving a man or woman powerless to show their interest. It is lopsided and an outdated concept in today's world.

Concepts like courtship and friends first had merit in a different era but they simply are not applicable in today's world.

Friend's first is a massive defense mechanism that is used and a big red flag that if any man or woman ignores must accept the consequences if it does not go as they would have liked.



 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 39 (view)
 
blindsided
Posted: 6/5/2014 9:21:41 PM
I agree with the others.

You are putting too much emphasis on someone that failed to communicate clearly that something was wrong with the relationship. However, I believe that if she purposefully chose not to communicate what was wrong it is because she has found another man.

The reality is that you must accept that she has moved on, especially if she initiated the breakup without any warning.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 85 (view)
 
My girlfriend is going on vacation by herself
Posted: 4/24/2014 11:24:15 AM
This isn't about control. Move on because you are wasting your time with her IMO as you are not compatible. She left you an open invitation and you did not accept. You are not compatible based on how polar extreme both your respective reactions are, and it is fortunate you discovered this early.

 sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 18 (view)
 
what to do to get a proper date?
Posted: 4/22/2014 7:34:33 AM
No self respecting man does proper dates...it is the year 2014 haha.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 14 (view)
 
No planning dates
Posted: 4/14/2014 8:27:52 PM
Planning for dates is not hard (especially if you have had a lot of practice) but is also not a make or break issue with me. I know for some women it is a MAKE/BREAK issue but if you want insight that is not a good way to judge a man.

For some reason women are more prone to look down on a man that is more passive and that is because of societal conditioning. Men that are passive or laid back are often accused of being lazy but as others have said he shows interest with consistent texts and contacts.

 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Does my ex want me back?
Posted: 4/13/2014 9:13:04 PM
Probably.
But you have to be careful because this seems so out of the blue.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/13/2014 9:11:00 PM
PUA don't sell a seduction guarantee. What they are selling is a fundamental truth and that is communicating with a stranger requires a lot of practice if it doesn't come naturally. It is a skill that can be improved.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 5 (view)
 
No planning dates
Posted: 4/13/2014 9:02:36 PM
Why not ask him haha?
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 39 (view)
 
This may be the reason why you're getting no results
Posted: 4/13/2014 8:59:37 PM
You know the reason why "Alpha men" (don't like the term but I will use anyways lol) are thought so highly of is because they don't care about the outcome or what others think. They are just themselves meanwhile the beta man is overthink his approach and makes self inflicted wounds of trying to force an outcome (a date) by being so linear and predictable. That is why it doesn't matter where you are if a person likes you then you need to communicate that interest verbally and be relaxed.

 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/13/2014 8:57:16 PM
rockin-truckeer82

That is a loaded question..and no your question will not be answered haha.

To the younger guys: Don't let a few bitter women discourage you. The vast majority of time people are friendly for chit chat, especially women when they are not in a rush.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 18 (view)
 
24 yr old not allowed to hang out with guys
Posted: 4/12/2014 10:37:43 AM
The consequences in regards to this potential relationship are potentially really bad for you in various ways. A sit down conversation with the mother is going to reveal what? She is going to grill you about ideas about marriage, etc when you don't even know her daughter...how can you gauge someone about a future with them when you don't even know them? It is a loaded question(s) that the overly protective mother will grill you with. Throw in the potential problems it will cause at work and this isn't looking good. And a grown woman that can't say no to her own mother is the real big problem.

 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 14 (view)
 
5 Good Dates, No Call Back
Posted: 4/12/2014 9:45:13 AM
Using sex as as weapon will backfire especially if a woman is over 30. Most guys will just turn their attention to women that are under 30 but with less drama.

Just be you and don't change who you are is my advice IMO.
 sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Who bears responsibility for permanent birth control?
Posted: 4/12/2014 7:45:49 AM
^^^ Not necessary.

World population is shrinking.
 sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 16 (view)
 
24 yr old not allowed to hang out with guys
Posted: 4/12/2014 7:40:30 AM
There is no difference in cultural component to this.

In countries where adults still live with their parents until they are ready to marry and move out they still have their INDEPENDENCE. They still make choices in their lives.

I would run as fast as possible from this situation. Not worth the headache.
 sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 11 (view)
 
5 Good Dates, No Call Back
Posted: 4/12/2014 7:36:18 AM
He found someone else.

/end

Don't over think this.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 5 (view)
 
:) + Man + :( :( = ???
Posted: 4/10/2014 9:18:39 PM
:) :) :) :) :) :)

I use emoticons all the time on the internet but never through text.

Sorry but you can't put men in a box and say they are this way and that. :P Men are not easy to figure out haha.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
 
24 yr old not allowed to hang out with guys
Posted: 4/10/2014 9:15:59 PM
Plenty of independent, adult women out there. I would move on IMO but it is not my call.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 243 (view)
 
Just looking for friends
Posted: 4/5/2014 9:46:16 PM
There are way more men/women looking for a relationship/dating than looking for friends. So why be a doormat and choose someone that can't be direct about their intentions?
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Date Night
Posted: 4/5/2014 9:34:55 PM
Maybe not really an adult.
 sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 18 (view)
 
The Value of Sex
Posted: 2/14/2014 9:44:55 PM
Sex is no longer a high priced commodity where to withhold it for 3 months or until marriage guarantees a relationship for a woman. Steve Harvey comes at it from a point of view that a woman's sexuality is of utmost importance as a bargaining tool for a relationship. But using a tool to leverage something else tends to backfire or doesn't work. Using sex as a weapon also ensures a lasting relationship is not possible.

The old paradigm has been flipped on its head because women tend to be more active sexually then men. Thus the idea of holding out and men pursuing has waned. Men realize they don't have to jump through hoops anymore or be a provider to have access to sex.

Thank you feminism!
 sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 16 (view)
 
How do I message a Mutual Meet me who has't message me first?
Posted: 2/14/2014 9:37:57 PM
The meet me feature needs to be revamped. It isn't a useful tool.
 sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Wanted a second date but not setting a date/time
Posted: 2/14/2014 9:36:44 PM
Distance is going to be an issue.

Unless he sees a future with you the distance has waned his interest. If I am iffy about a woman and I have to make 1 hour + drive just for dates...I probably decide it isn't going to work out.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Is she interested or is this just friendly conversation?
Posted: 2/9/2014 7:12:02 AM
Continue the conversation to find out.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 33 (view)
 
When you find a coworker increasingly attractive
Posted: 2/9/2014 7:09:27 AM
I prefer to keep it as professional as possible because I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. If they want to open up and talk to me I am always willing to listen and talk to a coworker. If it leads to something more only time will tell and destiny has a part in it. While some parts of destiny we can control the other parts we can not. Thus, if you find a coworker attractive you must not jump to assumptions or conclusions because you may find yourself in a precarious situation.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Men acting weird on dates?
Posted: 2/9/2014 7:05:56 AM
He pulled away because he decided he doesn't want to date a single mother and doesn't want to become emotionally attached. Just be glad he was honest himself and didn't lead you on anymore. You will need to not worry too much about this and keep looking for a man that accepts you for who you are and your kid(s).
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 89 (view)
 
Why dont guys like girls who like football?
Posted: 2/9/2014 7:01:48 AM
Nothing wrong with a woman that likes sport.

However, if you are trying to appeal to a man because of it that is a bad idea. Most men like women that are feminine for the most part which is why the tom boy-ish types tend to have mixed results. This is also why telling a man how you have a degree and are trying to compete with him doesn't really lead to anywhere. Most men don't put that much emphasis on what degree you have or if you even have one.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 86 (view)
 
Are there any gentlemen out there?
Posted: 2/6/2014 2:51:19 PM
If you are a woman over the age of 30, have kids and/or separated/divorced you will have a difficult time dating men that you deem acceptable. With that said, you are closer to 50 where most men and women tend to be on equal footing by then as they have established themselves by then. However, it seems that you are not ready to date so take a break.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Does normal = boring?
Posted: 2/6/2014 5:09:43 AM
When a woman views a normal man in a positive light they tend to attach a clarification with it. For example" You are normal compared to the others(dates)" or "About time I finally met a normal man". Even then that doesn't guarantee that you will not bore them at some point but you have a chance.

However, if a woman uses it to say you are a normal, nice man to come off as some sort of compliment and nothing more, that is the kiss of death. You know who uses that type of language to describe a man? Older female family members...
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Does normal = boring?
Posted: 2/4/2014 9:16:56 PM
If you are called normal that is a good thing.

It means run away from such women as fast as possible. They will wreck your life if you allow them to linger around. A healthy, confident woman has no problem dating a normal man that is mature and responsible.

I am only 31 years old and even I know that when a woman calls me normal I consider that a favor to avoid her for the rest of my life.

For background information, if a woman associates mature adult behavior as normal that insinuates that she has the opposite past experiences..and as a result the expectations are not exciting..a.k.a. no gina tingles.

Don't waste your time trying to understand why you don't make a woman hot under the collar because she called you normal. Be glad you didn't progress any further and can focus on women that understand that normal is the norm not a freak of nature. If you try to rationalize why some women chase bad boys and their chaotic behavior you will probably never arrive to a satisfactory answer. Just know that destructive behavior and expectations tend to go hand in hand.

 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 62 (view)
 
Girlfriend Stayed the night at her friends house (male)
Posted: 2/4/2014 9:11:24 PM
Yeah the majority of the time it is a woman offering a man friendship. A man offering a woman friendship does happen but not as often.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Lack of Effort
Posted: 1/31/2014 8:13:29 PM
No. An utter waste of time IMO

A profile has to have semblance of what the person is like.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 54 (view)
 
Girlfriend Stayed the night at her friends house (male)
Posted: 1/31/2014 8:10:03 PM
Hypergamy is a controversial subject. ^^^

Anyways, what is happening here is a case where you have to make a tough choice. I say kick to the curb and start over because once trust is broken severely it can't be restored to its original state.
 sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 51 (view)
 
Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling iffy about it?
Posted: 1/19/2014 8:09:52 AM
The fact that she purposely disclosed that both of their friends she is bringing along are in a relationships (or so she claims) shows she has tried this before and it failed.

It failed because she brought along one or two of her friends that were single and the guy they decided to meet up spent most of the time hitting on her single friend and not her.

Theoretically she wants to be the center of attention, have a support group right there, and even bail on you if you she doesn't like you to spend time with her friends. And they will judge you based on a peer to peer discussion once you are gone if you are worthy of her time.

Yeah pass.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 15 (view)
 
I don't have time to date?
Posted: 1/17/2014 9:24:16 PM
If he dated you three times in one week I think he is confused lol. That to me sounds like plenty of time if he is able to do that in one week.

And for a long term relationship the dating process is the a important first step towards that goal.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/17/2014 11:05:23 AM
To the OP: Your feelings do matter too and don't let others guilt trip you into such a bad, bad situation. You are being set up big time.

"OP, just mention that you will also be bringing along two friends. Then do it."

All that will do is guarantee a meet doesn't happen. Her two friends she is bringing along she claims are in a committed relationship (this is a purposeful choice if true).

 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Girl wants to meet me with 2 of her friends on the first date, feeling didn't about it?
Posted: 1/16/2014 7:30:20 PM
Don't waste your time with a woman that is playing mind games on date/meeting 1. Move on. If both of her friends are in a committed relationship she is stacking the deck against you in every single way.

 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 46 (view)
 
I'm rather confused as to why people seek relationships.
Posted: 1/11/2014 7:38:33 AM
It is no surprise that many that are currently in their 20s and 30s don't buy into the lies we were fed as children. It is good to see that we are finally thinking critically. Like the dodo bird, relationships, marriage, and courtship are facing extinction. These children that have grown up in their 20's and 30's are a product of the billion dollar divorce industry and the consumerism that enslaves the future economic well being of the future generations. You reap what you sow ,and while it may seem disturbing to those that are 40 years or older to hear the younger generation speak like this... They must embrace the environment that the grew up in and realize the illusion has been shattered More specifically once you take the red pill there is no going back.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Im 28 and starting to feel hopeless about finding someone
Posted: 1/9/2014 7:13:37 PM
Hello.

Let me give you some insight:

First lets address your post first though which I think is important for the follow up. You have to accept what the first woman told you at face value and actually be glad she was honest about her emotional state. Consider yourself lucky that happened fairly quickly and you were not entangled in such a situation for an unspecified time frame. As for the second woman she clearly found someone she like more. It is not that she didn't like you but she probably felt she could do better and she went with the other option. This is good as well to find out early on because you want to find a woman that wants you to be a priority to date.

Online dating tends to favor women so from a male point of view you have to do extra work in your profile and also your first message. The most successful first messages I send tend to be discussing anything related to what the profile states or is found in pictures. Comments about how a woman or man looks tend to not work well as openers because it doesn't really create a bridge for a conversation. In real life it doesn't work that well either unless humor is thrown in.

You have yet to hit your prime as men start to hit their prime in their 30's and up. You are just starting to see your dawn in the dating world so you have to keep at it and don't give up. Men in their 30's are coveted by women in their 30's but also women in their 20's so you must realize your potential will increase simply as you become older and wiser. No matter what women say...they are always drawn to men that have great wisdom and experience.
 Sunshineangel99
Joined: 10/13/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Coffee Date Saturday
Posted: 1/9/2014 7:05:30 PM
Relax and don't treat it like an interview. A lot of the negative feedback about coffee dates is that some people feel that it feels like you are interviewing for a job. So you have to do your best to create a warm welcoming to generate that spark.
 
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