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 Author Thread: POF sold to Match
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 1 (view)
 
POF sold to Match
Posted: 7/14/2015 2:37:38 PM
So it looks like POF has new owners as Match has bought POF for around $500 million (nice payoff for Marcus!)

Any thoughts on whether this will make POF better or worse? I suspect (hope) better as Match may pay more attention to the actual user wants and needs a s opposed to many arbitrary changes that have been made in the past. Bu then again Match owns OKC and have made some previously free things there a paid option now as well. Guess we will have to wait and see.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Approaching Complete Strangers
Posted: 6/16/2015 9:20:52 AM
Sometimes just walking up and saying hi and introducing yourself is the way to go.

I once saw a cute lady sitting with her laptop in a bar while the band was playing. I went and teased her about leaving work at the office and enjoying the music. She bought me a drink and we went from there :)

So as Nike says, just do it. Whether it's a simple hello or something situational. But cheesy pick up lines are not the way to go.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Sorting by interests?
Posted: 5/26/2015 9:37:23 AM
POF has a weird way of implementing and deleting features. I wouldn't hold my breath for any useful changes. They seem to take away useful functions and add useless "matching" algorithms that do a really poor job. For example, you used to be able to search for users with specific interests in the advanced search. This was great feature if you have a favourite hobby or such and want to find someone to share it. Now it's gone and replaced with "Interest Me" which seems to find people that may share your interests but more often than not don't.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Matching system needs major rework
Posted: 5/22/2015 8:29:45 AM
I don't think the OP is talking about whether he has success but about the types of matches that the site presents to him. Yes, he has a terrible profile and will likely get few to no responses to his messages. But that's a completely separate issue.

As for POF, yes, it does exist primarily to make Marcus money now. It's matching algorithms are laughable. When i was actively using it the matches presented were all over the board and many were of no interest to me at all. The inability to directly search for interest keywords is also stupid. It used to be an option in advanced search and they took it out. It was replaced with the "Interest Me" search which doesn't work. You can put in a single interest into that and click search and it will present you with matches that do not share that interest.

So in conclusion, the "features" and algorithms here are either so poorly implemented or are simply a marketing ploy as to make them useless. Do your own searches and read the profiles ad decide for yourself, Don't rely on POF matching you up.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
 
How to Make it in Vancouver
Posted: 4/11/2015 11:40:44 AM
Hey there. I know you weren't seeking advice but I figured I would check out your profile when you asked if POF was worth your time.

As for my profile, I hid my pictures because I'm in a relationship now. I met her on POF. I sometimes come for the forums because they are immensely entertaining :-) If I leave my pictures up I get women sending me messages quite regularly. I've met plenty of women on POF and the real world. It just takes good presentation and confidence. I've been dating/in relationships for the last 4 years after my marriage ended. I think in that time I've been single for a total of maybe 4 or 5 months in between various relationships. So I do ok :-)

The problem is twofold. Many women, especially online, have unrealistic expectations as to what they want in a man and most men do a lousy job of presenting themselves. I keep saying that online dating is a sales and marketing exercise. Your profile is your ad for yourself. If the ad doesn't catch a woman's interest and want make her want to find out more about you then you will not have success. Good pictures and a good write up opens the door to get into conversations here and then if that goes well you can move it to the real world.

Don't feel bad. Most men suck at this. I used to suck at dating both online and in the real world. I learned a great deal since and I've actually helped and coached other men as well. So you can do as you wish. Continue as you are and see how that works out or try something different if it's not working.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 6 (view)
 
How to Make it in Vancouver
Posted: 3/27/2015 1:13:15 PM
Oh, and not meaning to be offensive T7J7L but your profile is awful. You will not meet any women as is. You need better pictures. Smile in them. And a more interesting write up. Take that as constructive criticism.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 5 (view)
 
How to Make it in Vancouver
Posted: 3/27/2015 1:11:23 PM
Join meetup groups geared towards activities for singles or other activities you enjoy. Not "dating" ones. You will meet a mix of people and maybe have some fun too :) As for POF and meeting women in Vancouver, it's not so bad. But most men do it wrong. Their profiles on POF suck hugely and they don't know how to interact with women in the real world. I am seeing someone right now. But whenever I've been single I've had little trouble meeting women on POF or in the real world.

POF works. But you need to have a good profile that will make women interested in talking to you.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 2 (view)
 
I don't know whats going on, please help! - bf still stay in touch with his ex
Posted: 1/31/2015 11:38:00 PM
I am still friends with several women I was involved with in the past. I don't think there's anything wrong with it as two people can part with respect and still like each other if they aren't meant to be together romantically. Last year I was out one night with three women. One was a friend, one an ex girlfriend who I had oriiginally been introduced to by the friend and one the current girlfriend and we all had a nice evening chatting and hanging out together.

You either trust your boyfriend or you don't. You have to decide how you feel. However, you may make him feel resentful if you ask him to give up a friendship with someone he has known for a long time.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 126 (view)
 
never gotten head
Posted: 1/23/2015 12:19:08 AM

yeah, because blanket statements are always accurate.
& you assume this practice is with a bunch of people? anyone who is intimidated by someone's sexual past is insecure. as long as they're safe, clean and only with you now, why should that matter?


Exactly. I would far rather be with someone great in bed than with someone even mediocre or average. Great sex strengthens a relationship and adds onto the other great parts of it.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 116 (view)
 
Separated status - does it really matter? Why?
Posted: 1/22/2015 11:56:18 PM
I've been part of this ongoing debate on and off and it is pointless. People like to generalize but the truth is everyone is different. Some separated people are ready to date and be in relationships and some aren't. Many truly single people aren't good relationship material either. Again, it's an individual thing.

From my own experience, it took me 4 years to get my divorce done because of outstanding financial issues that my ex refused to discuss and work out with me coupled to some administrative and court delays. In the end we finally had our days in court and I won and got things sorted and the divorce done.

I had a few relationships in that time and there was no problem on my part due to not being "divorced" yet. They didn't work out because those ladies and I weren't ultimately compatible, not because I wasn't ready to date etc.

I've met and/or dated many women who were either long divorced or had never been married and who were flakey or broken or unrealistic etc and not able to be in committed relationships. But according to the consensus here they should have been fine while I was unsuitable to date.

However, it's easier for people to generalize and judge based on a "status" rather than look at the individual. Should you be dating a few weeks after separating? I would say no. A few months? Probably not but it depends on circumstances. But what if it's been a year or two or more? Then what?
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 542 (view)
 
Men's Frustrations in Online Dating
Posted: 1/8/2015 11:11:52 AM
Of course all the women should choose me, I'm awesome! :-D

Seriously though, VolcanoKing is correct. The reason the scumbags and players do well is that they know how to be fun and interesting and attractive. So women will have initial attraction, possibly date them for a while until they get hurt or played.

"Nice guys" may have qualities that are great for long term relationship success but rarely exhibit the exciting "bad boy" qualities that generate that initial attraction. I used to be a "nice guy" and I failed so badly with women I settled on the first one who seemed willing to marry me. Huge mistake and I spent 10 years in a miserable marriage. After that ended I did some serious self examination and decided to grow and improve myself. I became a "good guy" rather than a "nice guy". The difference is a good guy is not a wuss like a nice guy. A good guy has a backbone, personality and is fun and interesting. I don't play women. I don't do the nasty douche bag things that a player might. But I also am very honest and will often tease or challenge a woman and I'm not afraid to express my opinion or assert myself. Those are attractive qualities. Women want a confident take charge type of guy (alpha male) and most nice guys aren't (ie beta males). Most players are. A good guy is in the middle. He embodies the desirable qualities of both the player and the nice guy. That's the ground you want to inhabit.

Since changing my attitude (as well as putting effort into a good profile) I have had a fair bit of success on POF. I have plenty of conversations with ladies and meet many. Most don't go beyond a meet or two but I've had a few relationships come of it and made some friends too.

So guys, stop whining and blaming women or OLD itself for your lack of success. Take responsibility for your own success or failure. Improve yourself and your profile and you may have a different outcome. Women want a good guy. He's their unicorrn. Be a good guy and you won't have trouble meeting and dating women.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 48 (view)
 
One-word first messages: am I being too picky?
Posted: 1/7/2015 9:49:48 PM

We men have no time for that shiat. Between the burping, farting and guzzling beer, we hardly have time to even wipe our bums.


Geez Walts, you're going to give away all our secrets! :-D
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 45 (view)
 
One-word first messages: am I being too picky?
Posted: 1/7/2015 5:13:51 PM
I meant the opposite :-D If the woman ISN'T very intelligent it's a deal breaker. I'm a sapiophile :-) I don't find intelligence or confidence or capability in a woman intimidating.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 43 (view)
 
One-word first messages: am I being too picky?
Posted: 1/7/2015 3:54:06 PM
I do believe some men would actually look past looks to gauge substance, but I think the majority would go with what they like to see first and worry about the rest later. I have no idea if guys generally care if a woman has any intelligence at least in the beginning - I'm guessing some do look for some sign of it but I have no idea how far into getting to know someone it happens.


The problem with trying to generalize is that everyone is different. I can't speak for all men but for me intelligence is a deal breaker. I have passed on many very attractive women who were not intellectually attractive to me. Often I can tell by what they've written in their profiles or their messages. But I may be in the minority.

The problem that underlies the complaints around online dating are inherent to the medium itself. The very structure of online dating is initially visual. Many of the pages on the site simply present you with pictures in rows across the top and bottom of the screen or in grids of pictures. It's the first exposure we have to someone. Even our inbox on POF only shows a picture of the person messaging us with no content. So we make an initial snap judgement based on that. It's the first go/no go decision. If the person looks at least reasonably attractive to us we will then read their message and possibly read their profile. The written words will then either put us off or interest us. In some cases we might all give the person some benefit of the doubt or a chance to communicate if we are very physically attracted to them. That's human nature and I'm sure we all do it sometimes. I'll admit I've probably had some longer conversations or first meets with the occasional woman that was very pretty but maybe not quite what I was looking for. But it never really went past a date or two.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Exclusionary Racial Preference is an acceptable form of racisim?
Posted: 1/7/2015 3:45:51 PM
Wow, news flash. Some people are racist. So what? You can't change or control a person's attitude. Some may choose not to date certain ethnic groups because of that. Some people simply have attraction preferences and are only attracted to their own ethnic groups. I've known white guys who had a thing for asian women and won't date caucasian women. They aren't racist, they are just attracted to a certain thing. Many black women will only date black men because that's what they find attractive. Some caucasian women will also only date black men because that's what they are attracted to. Are you suggesting those caucasian women are racist against caucasians?

But you are suggesting some sort of discrimination under the eyes of he law which is a very different thing. Personally, I, as a middle aged caucasian man in Canada, am discriminated against every day. You, as an aboriginal, have many benefits in our society not available to me. I guess I should be crying about discrimination as well? :-P
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 13 (view)
 
No Response From Women in Vancouver
Posted: 1/7/2015 3:38:10 PM
Dude, seriously? I am the opposite of a simp :-D I meant rebuilding financially; as in I get plenty of dates without being rich, living in a nice home or driving a fancy car etc. And yes, I have female friends. They are the ones I choose to be friends with. Because I like them and enjoy their company. But they are not romantic prospects for me. I am selective when it comes to who I want to be involved with romantically. I can be selective because I have choices and the ability to meet many women.

You and many other men on this board are the ones complaining about women and promoting ridiculous ideas that they only want very attractive men and want our money and on and on. I am saying that isn't so. If you are bitter from bad dating experiences then change your attitude or your picker. And as I was trying to get across to you, learn to be friends with women too and that will help you tremendously both in life and in your romantic pursuits. I could tell you stories about things women have done for me while dating because they felt safe and comfortable with me
;-)

I chose very poorly and married someone completely wrong for me. I've learned. I could have been bitter but chose not to. I chose to learn from the things I did wrong and I choose better now. I have met plenty of great women over the last 4 years. Some became friends as they weren't what I was looking for in a romantic partner. Some I dated for various periods. Some I am still friends with when we stopped dating as we weren't right for each other. Some that I dated I no longer keep in contact with. It's been my choice. I'm actually going to start seeing someone exclusively again now. But when I'm single I have no trouble meeting women online or in the real world. It's not unusual for me to have two POF meets in one day at times.

That MGTOW crap is for bitter men who can't take responsibility for their own failings and can't attract decent women. Enjoy your bitterness and negativity. I'm going to be out there enjoying both my female friends and my romantic partners :-D
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Exclusionary Racial Preference is an acceptable form of racisim?
Posted: 1/7/2015 1:04:12 PM
You're reaching. Sorry. Dating preferences are not discrimination. If a dating service or the government said you could not date certain ethnic groups due to your ethnicity that would be discrimination. Nobody is denying you the social participation or opportunities or privileges of dating just because certain women don't want to date your ethnic group. Other women will. You can still date and are not denied that.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 11 (view)
 
No Response From Women in Vancouver
Posted: 1/7/2015 1:00:43 PM
That video has to be the most pathetic and sad thing I've seen in weeks.

Honestly, the thing that holds back men is the bad attitude towards women that they have. It will come across in the way you talk and act around them and what you write online. Why not focus on being a better happier person and that will go a long way to being more attractive? Being someone women are comfortable around and enjoy being with will also make you a more attractive man.

I have always had, and continue to have, close female friends. I genuinely enjoy and like the company of women. And that comes across to the women. They feel comfortable and safe with me. Add to that being fun and funny and a good guy and it's a winning combination. I don't have model looks and I'm not rich (in fact quite the opposite right now as I'm rebuilding after divorces from both my ex wife and ex business partner). However, I have little trouble meeting and dating women and having relationships. I'm still looking for the right one for a long term fit but I have choices. Why? Because of my attitude. Change yours if you want to change the outcomes.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
 
One-word first messages: am I being too picky?
Posted: 1/5/2015 10:24:12 PM
@ Blueguy99881 : Yeah, we get it. You're jaded and bitter and hate women. The reality is nothing in life comes easy. You expect to simply put up any profile and pictures and that women will line up to chat with you and meet you?

Would you meet any women at all? Or would you look at her pictures and what she's written and decide from there? If you aren't willing to put some effort into an online dating profile then you shouldn't even bother. If you want to get traction online then do something to make yourself attractive to the women you are messaging. Or to get them to message you.

There was a whiny lack of success thread maybe a year ago. One guy was complaining. I think i rewrote his profile for him in 10 minutes and it read way better than what he had. I didn't change anything about him. I just reworded what he had written and made it more interesting and eloquent. So it doesn't take lots of time. Just some desire. If you aren't willing to make the effort don't even bother. Would a woman want to meet a guy who isn't willing to put some time and energy into presenting himself to her?

As for the topic, I'm in agreement with the OP. I am unlikely to respond to a simple "Hi"
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/31/2014 12:31:14 PM
OP, the problem you are encountering here is that your initial post and theory is flawed and comes across as whiny. It has been echoed by many many men before you and many on the forums are sick of whining and men trying to find an external excuse for their lack of success here. The simple answer, is no, there are not a small group of men getting and bedding and using all they women here.

Are there players on POF? Of course. I've actually met three women in my area who "dated" the same guy who was a player. But that's the minority. You can come up with any accusation you want whether it be players, liars, broken people, people here just for validation etc. and that will certainly exist in some users. However, I think most are here to date and try to meet someone for a relationship.

Your problem is the classic one men experience here and I will repeat my comments from innumerable other similar threads. Your profile is utter crap. Your pictures are horrid. Your username is terrible. Your write up is bad and negative. Honestly, you could not have much of a worse profile. I suggest a complete rethink and rewrite. And then go to the profile reviews section of the forums.

Online dating is catalog shipping. We are presented with (initially) a picture and then if that grabs our attention we read what someone has written. Now we all want to be attracted to the person we date or end up in a relationship with. Physically.,mentally and emotionally. Convey something in your profile that women would find interesting. Get some good pictures that show you at your best, with good lighting and composition and maybe in different settings or doing something interesting. Write something interesting or unique that attracts a woman and makes her think you are worth getting to know. Have a look at my profile and those of other forum men who have some success here. See the difference?
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 517 (view)
 
Men's Frustrations in Online Dating
Posted: 12/24/2014 10:58:52 PM

I think it's because it's not a Canadian thing. ;)


That must be it. We Canadians are nice and polite :-D
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 510 (view)
 
Men's Frustrations in Online Dating
Posted: 12/24/2014 4:17:22 PM
Wow, definitely a little frustration causing some to lash out. O_o

I won't really dignify all of blueguy's comments but want to address some things he said earlier. Yeah, I've been told I'm alright looking. I look good for my age but am hardly a male model. Good pictures help. So many have awful pictures. Bad angles. Bad lighting. Bad focal lengths that make your face look odd. A picture is worth a thousand words and pretty much every frustrated guy I've seen on the forums has bad pictures. Get better ones to increase your odds of engaging in some conversation online.

Secondly, I live in a reasonably nice area but am certainly not well off. Quite the opposite after getting the short end of the stick in both my marriage/divorce and a falling out with my former business partner. I'm rebuilding financially. I don't keep that a secret from women. They know where I'm at. Things are tight at times. It still doesn't stop me from getting dates. So if you think you need money to attract a woman you are destined to fail. Besides, I don't want any woman who chooses a man by the size of his wallet. That's not the kind of woman I want.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 470 (view)
 
Men's Frustrations in Online Dating
Posted: 12/23/2014 6:17:31 PM

Yes frustrated with online dating from different sites, living in southern California where millions of people live, after
100's of good introduction e-mails, people reviewing my profile several times, I do not think I am as
ugly as Quazimoto, I even read and comment on their profiles... I can say I have never even had a
real date or much less have any women initially contact me for one. I have female friends even really big ones 300+ lbs,
some not as good looking as average and I can say, any site they get into, they get e-mails daily and have dates on a weekly basis if they choose to and I have been here years.


Broken record time...Your profile is no good. Bad pictures and a boring and generic write up. That is why you have no success. You HAVE to have good pictures AND and interesting and well written profile. I failed when my profile was average. i took the time to improve it and make it interesting and now I have no trouble meeting women online. Stop complaining and change the way you do things.

@VolcanoKing: I guess maybe it is LA. I find you to be an attractive lady who comes across as intelligent and well spoken. You would get plenty of dates up here in the PNW. Maybe it's time to relocate :-D
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Meeting someone online that is long or very long distance
Posted: 12/23/2014 6:08:25 PM
I tried the long distance thing once for 6 months. We met in person while I was travelling, not online. It was difficult at times and frustrating. And ultimately ended when it became clear she wasn't willing to relocate. I couldn't and she initially said she was open to the idea of moving. I don't recommend it. Especially if you've only met online. relationships built primarily online are pretty much based on fantasy rather than reality as you haven't spent any real time together.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 146 (view)
 
Has anyone had success on here?
Posted: 12/16/2014 9:19:21 AM
It depends on your definition of success. I have had plenty of meets and dates. Made a few friends. Had a few relationships lasting anywhere from 3 to 8 months. But still looking for the "one" if you want to call it that. So I suppose I have had success in many ways.

Invariably I find that the people complaining about a lack of success are doing something wrong. Most have bad pictures. And likely a boring or generic write up.

I've said it a million times now. Online dating is not like the real world. It is a sales and marketing exercise. It is catalog shopping. It is two dimensional. All that anyone has to go by here are some pictures and some written words. And they have hundreds of advertisements to look at and choose from.

Now the first thing we see are pictures. Almost everyone will make an initial judgement based on the pictures. If the person looks attractive or appealing in their picture then you are more likely to read what they've written. If the write up is boring or generic then you might not be particularly motivated to contact that person or reply to a message. You need to have an interesting and well written profile that intrigues and interests someone and makes them want to find out more about you. It's as simple as that.

@sigugq: Your pictures are ok but you should try to have a better main profile pic. I recommend (for anyone) to have a professional do a headshot for you. Something that shows you at your very best with good composition, lighting and angle etc. Your write up is fairly good but perhaps you come across as too high energy and maybe that may put women off or make them feel they can't keep up with you or that you may not wish to give them your full attention.

@hemicharger4403: You do look older in your pictures. And there is a proliferation of dishonesty about age on POF. The last two women I met were at least 10 years older than their listed age on their profiles. Also, your write up is fairly generic and makes several common mistakes. And your last paragraph comes across as initially quite negative.

@ Ainen: Your pictures are bad and there are too many with your dogs. And then they are the first thing you mention. You come across as a loner with no friends who spends all his time with his dogs. Your first date suggestion involves your dogs. Not good. You want it to be about the person you are meeting. I don't see anything you've written that would intrigue a lady.

That's just a couple examples. Sorry if it comes across as picking on you guys. take it as constructive feedback.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 7 (view)
 
No Response From Women in Vancouver
Posted: 12/15/2014 3:47:11 PM
I'm not sure what you are getting at? Are you saying you can't do anything better with your profile than what you have now? That you don't think you are attractive or have anything to offer a woman? If you think you do than make more of an effort to present yourself and improve your profile here.

My observation is that most people's profiles are not good. Let's face it, the first thing any of us see and go by are the pictures. If the picture catches your eye and if the person looks attractive to you then that opens the door to having them take a look at what you write. If the pictures aren't attractive then I think any of us will pass by that profile. So have a professional picture done or have some friends take a variety of pictures in different light etc. and pick some good ones that show you at your best. Your main picture isn't optimal. you are smiling nicely but the focal length makes it look a bit funny and the lighting could be better. It looks like a webcam or smart phone selfie. That's not good enough.

Now that you have their attention with a decent photo or three, you have to write something interesting that makes them want to find out more about you. Forget the boring list of likes and dislikes etc that almost everybody else does. Snoozefest! Write something interesting and catchy. or different. Intrigue a woman or make her want to find out something about you. Have some humour as women love to laugh. It can still represent you and who you are but make it interesting and evoke some feelings or emotions.

That's my advice. I'd give you lots more but you are too young to PM me with the stupid 14 year age range rule now.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 5 (view)
 
No Response From Women in Vancouver
Posted: 12/12/2014 2:21:57 PM
Your profile can use some work. Online dating is a sales and marketing exercise in order to get the attention of women. Yes, they have lots of choices. So you have to offer an appealing or interesting choice vs. the dozens of other guys messaging her. If you had dozens of women messaging you, you would reply to the few who had the best profiles or seemed most attractive.

I struggled at first when I started this. Then I improved my profile tremendously and now I have little trouble meeting women online or getting dates. Do all the women I'm interested in respond and go out with me? Of course not. But enough do to make it a useful avenue to meet women.

Oh, and plenty initiate and send me messages too.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Exclusionary Racial Preference is an acceptable form of racisim?
Posted: 12/12/2014 2:16:33 PM
You are confusing two issues. If a caucasian woman says she only wants to date black men is she racist? If an asian woman says she only wants to date an asian man or a a caucasian man is it racism?

I would argue not necessarily. Sure, some people may be racist and only want to date someone of their own ethnicity for that reason. But sometimes it's about what someone finds attractive and its a personal choice. Personally, I am open to dating any ethnicity. But I do find darker more exotic looking women like asians or south american/hispanic more physically attractive than the blonde next door look. Iit's simply what I find appealing.

In the end, there's no law against it. It's not the same as discriminating in who you will serve in a business or who you will hire for a job.

Honestly, I think you are looking for an excuse as to why you may have struggled to get dates. instead of blaming others, look at how you were doing things and change it. I'm not sure if you tried dating with your current profile but it majorly sucks. Your photo is terrible and you haven't written anything the least bit interesting.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 277 (view)
 
Men's Frustrations in Online Dating
Posted: 12/3/2014 10:36:54 PM

Or maybe we just don't feel the need to compromise our own values to change into something we don't like just to please someone else. So golf it is.


That is exactly why many men fail at dating and then complain. It's not about changing into something you don't like. it's about growing as a person. It's about developing qualities that not only make you more attractive to women but will enhance your life in many ways. It's about becoming the best you that you can be.

I know that sounds like a bunch of Tony Robbins BS but it's true. I used to be horrible with women. Shy. Not having any confidence. Not being fun and attractive. being the nice guy that ended up in the friend zone. But fortunately much of that got better with maturity and experience. And some learning as suggested above. I am still the same person I always was. I'm just a more stylish, fun, confident and attractive version of me. And that has made all the difference in my dating since my marriage ended.

If you are frustrated with something either forget about it entirely and move on or do something to fix whatever it is that's frustrating you. Venting on these forums won't help.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 244 (view)
 
Men's Frustrations in Online Dating
Posted: 12/3/2014 8:52:31 AM
^^^^^^^

Excellent post. You are spot on. It's all in your attitude and how you approach life, women and dating. Success is a choice.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Horrible sent message response rate. Is it me or is it too easy to ignore people?
Posted: 12/3/2014 8:26:53 AM
:-) I'm seeing someone at the moment and found if I left anything up in my profile I still received messages from women. Even if I just hid my pictures I would still get messages saying I sounded interesting and could I send them a picture. So I deleted everything for now as you can't hide your profile without being a paid member anymore.

If you want, send me a message and I can show you my pics and what I had on my profile previously.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Age difference up or below by how much ??
Posted: 12/3/2014 8:22:32 AM
I've dated +/- 10 years and it really depends on the individual. On the higher end of the scale a woman has to be fairly exceptional as that's in the mid fifties. I'm fairly youthful and look a bit younger than I am. Yeah, I know, everybody says that :). But I find that people tend to age a bit more quickly once they hit their mid fifties. I'm not sure how that would work once I'm 50 and she's 60 or more.

And much younger really don't have much in common or similar life experiences. That and many women 10 years or younger often still want to have children and I'm done with that. I have found I have had the best connection with women 4 to 5 years younger than me.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Horrible sent message response rate. Is it me or is it too easy to ignore people?
Posted: 12/2/2014 10:49:48 AM

I thought I had a good profile.....I contacted 258 women.....recieved 14 replies....sucky rate, and have no idea why. I'm polite, and make sure to comment on something from their profile or likes....smh :-(



Actually, I don't think your profile is particularly good. Sorry. Take that as constructive criticism. Your pictures aren't very good and the write up is pretty average and doesn't stand out from most of the other men out there. There's nothing to intrigue or interest a woman or really show her what makes you interesting. I also think that the advice for messaging women by mentioning something in their profile is ok but not optimal. You need a fun message that gets them interested and wanting to engage you in a conversation. It has to be well written but also playful and interesting to them.

It took me a while to realize and figure out how to make online dating work (as much as it can). It is a sales and marketing exercise and you have to advertise yourself as well as possible. That means having good pictures that show you at your best and and interesting copy that hooks and intrigues a woman. Now I've seen tons of men complain and whine that they don't want to try to be someone they aren't or whatever other excuses they make for not putting their best foot forward. That's a choice. You can choose to put effort into this and see some success or you can do it half arsed and be disappointed.

I've had my share of frustration here. But I've had success too so you may want to consider my advice. Start with a profile review and maybe invest in some professionally done photos. Just one or two mixed in with others showing you living life.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Exclusionary Racial Preference is an acceptable form of racisim?
Posted: 12/1/2014 3:36:25 PM
People are attracted to what they are attracted to. You can't force them to date who they don't want to. It's not racism. Sheeesh!
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Horrible sent message response rate. Is it me or is it too easy to ignore people?
Posted: 12/1/2014 3:32:22 PM
Yes, online dating is difficult and full of frustration at times. But most of the guys complaining are doing a lousy job here. Online dating is about marketing yourself. If you don't have decent photos and a good and interesting write up then you will be ignored. That's just the way it is. I have good pictures and an interesting and well written profile. I occasionally get messages from women far away simply complementing my profile.

That being said, my rate of response is perhaps 20% when I send messages, even with a good profile. If your profile sucks you will have less success than that. I've met plenty of women from this site, dated a few. Had relationships with a couple. I've met and dated women in the real world too. I'm not rich. I don't have a six pack. I don't drive a fancy car. All the stuff in that video is whiny BS. It all comes down to your attitude and whether you can engage a woman's interest online and then in person if you want success. Be fun and charming and attractive and you can have success in the dating world.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Increased frequency of harrassment and violence on pof
Posted: 11/27/2014 10:58:15 AM
I think online dating is difficult regardless. Good people are lost in the noise and there is so much choice here that it is difficult for most people to make any serious effort to communicate and connect. But it can work. You just have to keep at it and sort through all the chaff to find a little wheat. The last serious relationship I was in was with someone I met here. The lady I've just started seeing was a real world meet.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 9 (view)
 
cannot unhide my profile
Posted: 12/9/2013 11:41:53 PM
So when did the ability too hide and unhide your account become a paid only feature? And now you also have to pay so that you can have your browsing of another person's profile hidden too?

I'm getting a bit tired of the constant poorly thought out changes designed to increase revenues and extort money from members. And I know the whole it's his site and he can do as he pleases and I can go elsewhere routine, bla, bla bla. Heard it all before.

The sad thing is this site used to be advertised as completely "free". And Markus makes millions from advertising revenue here so it's not like they were in the red before. The changes over the last year or so are really turning off many users and I suspect the quality of the site (such as it is) will continue to decrease because of it.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 91 (view)
 
Intelligence and dating
Posted: 7/9/2013 11:19:25 AM
Wow, everyone gets so up in arms on the forums! :) I don't understand why some people here have to be so judgemental (or perhaps defensive). Just like individuals have different tastes in looks or personality etc. everyone has a different idea of what type of intelligence is important to them. Whether it's intellectual/educational type intelligence or emotional intelligence or whatever. We all have our own preferences and it's not really cool to attack people for sounding "arrogant" because they prefer a certain type of person.

I'm of the intellectual/educational type intelligence school. I am well educated and a real geek with a love of knowledge and science etc. I would like somebody I can share that with in a similar way. That probably means someone university educated with a bit of a science background like mine if possible. Can I possibly find that in a non science or non university educated person? Perhaps and I'm open to investigating that. But just from experience, I know that's who I might mesh with best. Your mileage may vary.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Intelligence and dating
Posted: 6/22/2013 10:22:00 AM

Are you actually looking for a "challenge"???? Personally, I would just love to find a intelligent "connection". I don't mean someone that thinks exactly like myself but, at least close to the same wavelength. I find some people quite challenging, yet, I don't really enjoy their company, which includes people waving their degrees in the air and proclaiming their intelligence. That type of behaviour sucks shiat.


I think many people confuse intellectual challenge with other forms of challenging. Being intellectually challenged means exploring and discussing ideas, sometimes outside of what you've previously considered or in opposition to your own thoughts or beliefs. It can mean a spirited yet friendly debate and that is actually something I really enjoy. To have my position challenged and to discuss it and explore it with someone else and challenge their assertions in return. It doesn't mean the person has to generally be challenging in other ways.

And it has nothing to do with degrees or education. Some of the best challenging discussions I had with a woman I was dating were with one who had only completed high school. Didn't mean she wasn't very intelligent, she had chosen to start her own business instead of pursuing a higher education.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Intelligence and dating
Posted: 6/21/2013 3:58:12 PM
Hey bibliophile1, no need to apologize or compromise in what you want. We all have qualities we find attractive and that work for us as individuals. For some they don't need an intellectual connection if other qualities are there or of more importance to them.

I'm like you. I need intellectual stimulation from my partner. I'm a bit of a sapiophile. That's me. As others said, that doesn't necessarily equate to academic degrees. I've known PhDs who were dumb as bricks and incredibly intelligent people with no degrees. What's important is if you enjoy the type of intellectual stimulation that a particular individual provides for you and can have engaging discussion on whatever topics that might be of mutual interest.

So carry on and look for what you want. Who gives a damn what I or anyone else on these forums has to say about it :-)
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 15 (view)
 
User I was talking to deleted by admin - Reason?
Posted: 6/6/2013 10:04:46 AM
I suspect you may be so wrapped up in this woman because she was very attractive. I have come across many profiles of very beautiful women where the pictures were actually of a model or actress from overseas and the picture was taken from the internet. So most likely a fake profile. Google image search is your friend. If photos look too professional or a woman looks extremely beautiful I always do an image search. 80% of the time they are fakes.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 412 (view)
 
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/23/2013 10:34:29 AM
As I said, this doesn't affect me greatly as I never contacted or engaged with women outside that range for dating purposes. All it does is remove the nice social aspect of POF where you could interact with men and women that shared certain interests or wanted to discuss forum topics in more detail. Is it a huge and crushing loss? No. But it is a bit unfortunate as it was a nice added bonus aspect of being here.

However, I just see this change as pointless. This will not stop older men from contacting younger women. They will just make new profiles where they lie about their age. There are plenty of men and women doing that already and all this change will accomplish is to increase the percentage of people doing that. As for eliminating sexual advances, all someone has to do now is hold off until the second or third message instead of propositioning in the first message. So again, it may help slightly but perhaps not much.

I think the greatest insight was just above and perhaps Markus is eyeing a sale of the site so he wants to maximize it's market value and image before hand. But these changes are like putting a band aid on an arterial wound. It might help for a moment but the patient will still bleed to death.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Will Seperateed Be Removed???
Posted: 5/22/2013 9:31:11 AM
And this debate is stupid and pointless and rages on the forums constantly. If you don't want to date separated people, don't. But stop trying to discriminate against them , making sweeping generalizations about their moral or emotional availability for a relationship etc.

And Vesta_ceres wrote:


^^^

In your case, you should remain, regardless of your status. I know, I'm militant about my view on separated people and dating; however, your situation is very exceptional, your contributions in the forums are interesting and much appreciated, and you deserve to be happy.


Wow, hypocritical much? Separated people shouldn't date and are immoral and still married etc. but Igor should stay because he contributes to the forums and he deserves happiness. But the rest of us don't. Nice.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Will Seperateed Be Removed???
Posted: 5/22/2013 9:20:25 AM
[
separated is still "Legally Married"




Not in Canada, there isn't. Here there is no such thing as legally separated and as this site is Canadian based, it would likely consider that there is not the different levels of separation which the States has.



Actually, no. Legally separated is not legally married. Not under family law nor tax law. At least here in Canada (Britsh Columbia). Your mileage may vary...
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 213 (view)
 
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 5:18:11 PM

the youth demographic are the ones that bring in the money - if the young ones are being "inconvenienced" this is damaging to the site's revenue base. it's that simple.


So this has nothing to do with protecting the delicate young ladies and everything to do with protecting Markus' income stream?
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 211 (view)
 
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 5:15:08 PM

I like the 14+/- age restrictions along with the others. I'm getting the sense that those majority of complaints about the age restriction are coming from men from what I read. gee, i wonder why.


That's implying that it's all about pursuing younger women. It's not at all. In fact, I've had PM conversations with men, some younger seeking advice on their profiles etc. or discussing things from the forums in more detail. Guess that won't happen anymore either.

The age restriction won't have any affect on my dating here as I do that age appropriately but it does affect what I saw as a nice side benefit of POF which was making new acquaintances and having discussions. It just takes away one of the nice aspects of this site beyond potentially meeting someone to date.

As I said, I was having a great discussion with a 19 year old girl about her future and she was quite curious about my educational and work experiences. Now I can't reply to her last message. Is it the end of the world? of course not but it is a bit sad that Markus seems to believe that it's all about dirty old men chasing young women. I'm sure that happens here just as it does in the real world (ever been to any nightclub where you can see old guys creeping on young women?) but the new rule has wide ranging effects beyond that. It's just a shame that the social aspect of POF is being eliminated with the removal of a link to the forums from the main site and now this new rule.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 122 (view)
 
Message Restrictions
Posted: 5/20/2013 12:50:00 PM
Well, I think this is not a great change. I have no interest in looking for older or younger women to date but I have had people outside the 14 year range contact me to discuss forum topics or whatnot. I was also having a very nice discussion with a 19 year old girl about her education and my career experiences etc. There was never any intent on either of our parts to pursue a relationship and we actually both made that clear up front but that doesn't mean you can't have a nice conversation. That was a nice added bonus part of POF which is now gone
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 89 (view)
 
Separated status - does it really matter? Why?
Posted: 5/14/2013 5:18:50 PM

Emotional on some level -- baggage, if you will. Yes. Statistically speaking, that is accurate. It doesn't mean or require them to run back to their soon-to-be-official-ex, in order to make it difficult to form a Relationship with someone else.


Hmmm, that has nothing to do with being separated, divorced or single. I've met plenty of people that have been divorced for many years and some who have never been married at all that have plenty of baggage. My point that I have been trying to make is that baggage is an individual thing and you have to judge everyone on their own baggage. And we all have some baggage. It's a matter of how well it's packed and dealt with.


If you're Separated and Not Divorced, yes. As well they should. They shouldn't be obliged to have to get to know that individual to see the what's-what about them, whether they're better or worse off than the statistical average. And it's certainly not going to take 1 date to truly know it's all good & great, either.{/quote]

Of course not. Nobody is bliged to get to know anyone. Nobody is obliged to date anyone. What I have a problem with is not individual choice but the sweeping generalizations that have been made pronouncing all separated people as undateable, or adulterers or whatnot. You can't make those kind of all encompassing assumptions about people. It's like saying all Brits have bad teeth and all African Americans are criminals etc. It's prejudice.


It's all about weighing odds & probabilities. Statistically speaking, simply being Separated has greater odds of something more than a fling/short-term not working
Can you produce these statistics? You seem hung up on the idea that a separated person can't be in a relationship. I know plenty of separated people that are more than capable of being in a committed relationship.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Separated status - does it really matter? Why?
Posted: 5/11/2013 1:00:15 PM

The point of separation is to reflect on the decision of divorce and decide if it's really what you want, not to date new people. Dating would be the exact opposite of the point of separation


Perhaps under U.S. family law that 's how it is but in other parts of the world things are different. Here in Canada you can't file for divorce until you have been legally separated for at least a year. It's not a time to reflect and decide if we really want to for most here. It's a legal requirement. The only exception to that, AFAIK, is if there was proven adultery or physical abuse. Then you can file for divorce without the separation period. Otherwise we have no choice but to be separated first.

And most of the people here in Canada that I know who are separated don't need to reflect. The divorce is a done decision and things are moving that direction. I know very few people who have reconciled after separation.
 awesomekisser
Joined: 11/1/2010
Msg: 120 (view)
 
downgrading to lower education or profession on profile
Posted: 5/4/2013 10:54:56 PM
:-D

Looks like we may have all chased Mr. Bold Spark away. Or perhaps you intimidated him. Lol!
 
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