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 Author Thread: Why does the EX BF still call
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 16 (view)
Why does the EX BF still call
Posted: 10/10/2011 11:45:23 AM
my point of view...

Most people will tell ya to forget him move on and dont pick up the phone right?

Me, I never totaly 86 someone from my life if they ever ment anything to me even if they do me wrong! Were human we make mistakes some huge and you pay a very big price for! I do however change how I interact with them.

The guy probably regrets what he did, knows that the trust has been so totaly broken that it will never work but still cares deeply for you. I would say he doesnt want to nix you out of his life forever and you probably played a big role in his life. If there was a deep emotional connection those threads are not so easily broken its hard to say? Any time you spend 6 years with someone the emotional aspect of things run deep its your choice though if you want to remain friends or if you forget that part of your life ...

I take it your not over him either since you posted this but I dont know... I would really set down and think about things hard. If he cheated and broke your trust its a very hard thing to move past. Forgive it but dont try to make a relationship with him again even if you love him! It wont be enough I promise Iv been there the ride is not worth it and it will break you completly. The doubt in your mind, everytime he is 10 min late coming home or if he is out with the guys, goes away for a trip for the weekend to see family and so on. It will drive you totaly crazy even with couples counseling! I Know been there did it. Now if it was me I would still remain friends but I would never trust in him again the way you do in a romantic relationship! Pick up the phone when he calls be real with him be friends if you want but shut down the hope of reconciling move on from the relationship because it is truly over once the trust is gone in my book ... sad but True.
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 28 (view)
Still Married but at its end and still living together.
Posted: 10/6/2011 9:36:41 PM
ok this will be my last chime in on this subject.. the ex has now moved out! problem solved for being able to start fishing... making new friends.... and seeing what this new world has to offer me now that im 40 and not 20 or 25 anymore...

at this moment in time Im only looking for a friend to hang out with and get to know maybe a few friends I dont know just yet... but new circle of people and find that place Im going to be able to gel at

thats not co dependent...

im moving on.. liberated and embarcing it!

thanks for everyones input..
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 21 (view)
Still Married but at its end and still living together.
Posted: 9/28/2011 8:42:12 PM

Maybe you can explain why jumping from one bad relationship full to drama to another just so you don't have to be alone is the way you want to live your life.

Please do some research on co dependency.

is unhealthy love and a tendency to behave in overly passive or excessively caretaking ways that negatively impact one's relationships and quality of life. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.[1] Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including in families, at work, in friendships, and also in romantic, peer or community relationships.[1] Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, and/or control patterns.[1] Narcissists are considered to be natural magnets for the codependent.

the ex moved out for 6 months and her life crumbled apart she bounced from place to place trying to put her new life together as I stood aside watching my Step son whom I raised from 6 months old and has MIA Biological father go on this ride with her- after this period of time we tried to reconcile including counsel I allowed her move into my new home so I guess I provided a place for her to stay until she has gotten herself to a point where she can be independent

now a marriage is Interdependency -
In an interdependent relationship, all participants are emotionally, economically, ecologically and/or morally self-reliant while at the same time responsible to each other....

Im not in any relationship good or bad at this moment - I have a few friends I have made along this journey and would like to make a few more... come on who dont?
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 19 (view)
Still Married but at its end and still living together.
Posted: 9/28/2011 8:05:19 PM

Lots of strong women are not going to step up to your plate. I venture to say that you will actually get a lot of weak women doing it. Since you seemed to ignore it, you are being extremely selfish. You want to date and move on with your life, you are NOT ready to. Pay attention, you are still living with your wife!!! Adults take care of their business and don't ask others to take it on.

woman you need to check yourself! plain and simple im not being selfish on the contrary im being completly open and honest about where im at in my life right now. this is not my first rodeo. Im the only one that can tell me when Im ready to move on. I'v picked my self back up put my head back on straight see very clear im gonna enjoy being a single Man for awhile I just want to make a few new friends and see what the world has to offer me...

For god sake I dont want anyone to to step up and take on any of my problems, but at the same time I would like a friend thats willing to stand beside me and be my friend through this. Someone that knows what Im talking and feeling.. Is that to much to be asking for? Im not looking to jump right back in the fire of being married or even in a serious relathionship at all.

So as far as me being ready im pretty sure I am ready to date and have some fun and enjoy life once again... my business is taken care of short of the paper that makes it legal. Being the Strong adult I am we tried to fix things all the way to the end and are parting ways as a married couple and will try to staying friends.. Not bitter hated enemies.... Life is just to damn short to have all those regrets and to be full of hate and bitterness what about that is not being an adult?
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 116 (view)
Separated but not divorced
Posted: 9/26/2011 1:31:54 PM
nothing like the proper motivation to expedite things-- Like meeting the one you just know your ment to be with
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 115 (view)
Separated but not divorced
Posted: 9/26/2011 1:29:24 PM
Wow... I'm Separated... have been for year and 6 months now. IDK when the big D will finaly be taken care of her and I have gone the do it your self route but have not followed all the way through due hang ups in the court system..

but for god sake I would so like to meet a new woman that just realy dont give a rats ass about it LOL so to speak.. its not like at this moment I want to get re married.. even if I do meet the right person I dont see myself getting re married that fast anyways im talking years of dates and building a relationship not weeks or months... then I might jump back into the fire again IDK...

why is it that this is such a big deal to everyone paper or not? rights to see me or what ever if its that important we can go have some papers drawn up that gives you right to see me in a hospital or I can put a will together that entitles you to my stuff if that be the case... or just wait out the process and it will get done in its time.
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 17 (view)
Still Married but at its end and still living together.
Posted: 9/25/2011 12:29:46 PM
Granted that my situation is still a mess an alot of people that want to see dry ink will over look the virtues that I do have due to this and pass me by. what I mean by a woman thats strong enough is one that is real with me ... puts the proverable elephant in the room right out there so we know what we are dealing with... most of you by the time your this age have kids been married a time or two deal with ex's have been jaded many times over and so the baggage from all of it is there... and will continue to be there for a mighty long time so if your waiting for the crap to go away before you start your life again your gonna be waiting for a very very very very long time!

my point if you run because you dont want the drama your doomed to be running for a long time... most all of us have our share of drama from our past that will haunt us well into our future. even if the ink is dry it only changes things according to the law.

if I wanted a booty call the bar is down the street and full of right nows that are into that or I would get on one of those sight that offer me that. its not me!

some of you dont like my profile oh well iv had plenty that do..... I have my life together and have had it together all this time just because the ex is still in it changes nothing about me... crap my first ex from 20 years ago is still in my life deal with it! this being the point is the drama drama drama might lessen but theres still issues to deal with..... like is this new person gonna get alonge with the 2 exs because they are still involved in my life in some form or another.
like oh lets say because of kids? or because we still have the same sets of friends here and there. or maybe im a nice guy and they finaly relized "a little too late by the way" that they messed up and lost someone that was good.

im not in any hurry to get re married im just fishing and seeing what is out there now... after 15 years removed... this is my second marriage I spent several years on my own in between 1 and 2 and im doing it again not a thang... I enjoyed my freedom from the chains of marriage for awhile and plan to do it again this time around... finding a sweet gal that wants to hang out and go do things with me sounds good... maybe a few sweet gals that want to hang out and go do stuff you know like that awkward stuff you dont want to do alone like going to a movie or hanging out at some married friends Back yard BBQ would be nice IDK at the moment. most all of my guy friends are married and have there own familys so a single dude hanging around wanting the husband to run off to go do this or that is kinda a threat to most.... you know what im saying.

any ways thanks everyone for the advice I took it with a grain of salt... it was real and what I wanted to hear!

Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 16 (view)
Still Married but at its end and still living together.
Posted: 9/25/2011 8:04:35 AM
ok I just spent a half hour typing up this long bit about how things are now after I have been flammed by all you for trying to date again-- and POF logged me out while I was going over it making sure it made my point and I lost it all!

so here is the short ver.

I told her to move out 9/24 she did- it was a fight and she didnt like it got ugly of well!

her son is not my boy but i'v been there for him since he was 6 months old so guess what im his Dad and always will be!
the bio dad is not in the picture never has been never will be. just leave that part alone should have never told anyone on here that he is my step son. hes my boy end of story!

as far as me being ready? I think thats for me to figure out just because some of you it took months or years to move past things does not mean it takes that long for everyone!

taken for a ride? nope not at all I fixed my realtionship with my boy that was bitterly damaged over all this.. thats been the main reason for the ride.

soft heart yes I do still love and care for my soon to be ex and I dont with her any harm or ill. just dont want to be her husband any more How can I? she made sure to fk up every bit of trust I could ever have restored to her. the heart can forgive but the mind aint gonna forget!

trust issues or baggage? I'v got my own set of baggage im not looking to pic up anyone elses baggage. my point is we all have our problems and drama I just want to find a friend that I can click with or at the least help me make a new set of friends way removed from all the people that were "our friends and our cirlce"

last but not least - I tell it how it is when someone contacts me or wants to chat. I'm not about to start a friendship out based on lies or deception if it runs ya off ohhh well your not the one im looking for anyways!

gotta be a strong woman to want to step up to this.. just like all you women want a stong man to step up to the plate!
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
Still Married but at its end and still living together.
Posted: 9/18/2011 5:01:28 PM

How about she moves out and you keep the step son until she can get back on her feet and have him move back in with her.

been working on that one!...
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 8 (view)
Still Married but at its end and still living together.
Posted: 9/18/2011 3:22:14 PM
maybe I should have cleared all of this up when I posted this thread

it will be a uncontested divorce all assets have been split already.

Its my home that I allow her to live in there will be no splitting it.

its not my money thats an issue its hers.

she moved out a year 1/2 ago lived in a dump with my step son

we tried to reconcile it didnt work...

now we live in the same place more as room mates until she can get herself on her own feet and take on the world.

the divorce is in the works.

what else?... im sure some of you will come up with more!

Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 6 (view)
Still Married but at its end and still living together.
Posted: 9/18/2011 2:17:12 PM
there is a child involved he is now 15 and my step son.

we still live for one main reason MONEY!

but also because it keeps the kiddo in a stable home and in the same school, homes are not easy to come by in the rural america that I live in.

as far as anyone taking me seriously this is why I posted this thread!

brother sister crap is not crap! anyone that has ever been married can tell you that even when the marriage is over and time to move on there is still threads of love left even if you have been wronged!
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 4 (view)
Still Married but at its end and still living together.
Posted: 9/18/2011 2:07:35 PM
doing both at this very moment.
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 1 (view)
Still Married but at its end and still living together.
Posted: 9/18/2011 1:55:33 PM
So here is my Question.

Im still Married we split up a year 1/2 ago for six months and then tried to reconcile.
A failed attempt but now we still live together due to finacial issues...

I need to move on with my life and find new friends but this situation leaves me high and dry when it comes to finding a new realationship.... the Drama attached to still being married and living together.

Without going into great detail or pointing fingers at whos fault it was for the breakdown of our marriage lets just say the "Trust and Romance" are gone for good the love that remains is more like brother and sister now...

I realy miss alot of things that come with a marriage the security in knowing you have someone that realy cares about you and to be truthful i miss the physical part but I dont want to come of as that is the only thing im looking for! Its not!

So what is the best thing for me to do short of kicking her to the curb. so that I can pick up my life again and start over with things?
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