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 Author Thread: Is dating harder for men or women?
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/2/2018 10:12:32 AM
My profile is super old and I should take out most of what is in there. It is hidden and I'm only here for the forums which admittedly I browse rarely now and just for entertainment purposes.

Yes I am with the same lady and very happy. Engaged and building a new house with her.

Kids are almost over 18 now so not really worried anymore about the whole CS thing, although it did weigh heavily on my mind when I was actively dating.

Like I said, though, if I had to do it all over again I simply wouldn't. Sex doesn't drive me like it used to and I completely agree that people are more interesting to each other when their lives are enriched by lots of activities and experiences. I would spend my time here and if I happened to come across a female partner as part of these activities, this would be how I would move forward. I wouldn't go looking anymore and do "the chase".

Good luck to you, Newyorker - thanks for your post.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Is dating harder for men or women?
Posted: 8/2/2018 9:10:10 AM

So, the older men are less driven by sexual desires, and there are far fewer women in his available age bracket that he finds desirable. And the women still seem to expect him to do the asking, the pursuing, all of the heavy lifting as it were. So what does he do? He quits chasing. He stays at home and watches the game on TV, or goes to the sports bar and watches the game with his buds. And the women are sitting at home wondering why they don’t have men ringing their phone off the wall, the way they did when they were in their 20’s.


Great post Henry. If I had to do this dating thing all over again, I simply wouldn't. This describes me to a T. Gym, sports, my cars and my buddies would keep me more than happy now that sex doesn't drive my ambitions.

Thanks for a great post.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 589 (view)
 
When women say there are no decent guys is what they really mean...
Posted: 11/17/2016 8:44:29 AM

People are sick and tired of the real-life indecisiveness that comes out of online dating. We don't need sexists, racists, or abuse of power -- but a significant reason why this social system is screwed up is because of the hypocrisy we make up while in here.


Ladies, you can bash him all you want. I don't think he really cares if there are 45 fingers pointed back at him. He is 100% correct, and his Trump analogy is proof of that.

Great posts, Danimal. I give you credit for laying it all out there.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 310 (view)
 
Its still a dumb question asked by a dick
Posted: 6/21/2016 1:15:13 PM

will move on to someone I think is more worthy of my time. I will also make a judgment call on your intelligence and character at the same time. We both have choices.


Agreed. And good to get this clear right up front instead of finding out months down the line.

Seems like its a deal breaker on both sides for sure.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 308 (view)
 
It's still a shameless slut looking for enough richards!
Posted: 6/21/2016 12:04:38 PM
^^^LOL.........I can't compete with that...........

"Secretly desired a man's nether regions while imagining your female partners having too many of them"..........LOLOLOL
!!
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 304 (view)
 
It's still a shameless slut looking for enough richards!
Posted: 6/21/2016 10:28:39 AM

How would you ever know you're getting an honest answer?

The entire line of inquiry is built on distrust and a presupposed accusation, and therefore designed to fail. Kinda weird that you don't get how that would bother a lot of people.


I think therein lies the problem......women think this question is an "accusation". It isn't. Now I understand why so many women get so angry.

If you think this is an accusation, then there is clearly something you are trying to hide, and that is more than enough for me to make a judgement call on your "morality".

Thanks for the clarification.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 284 (view)
 
Is Richard the proper name, like Shish-Ka-Robert?
Posted: 6/20/2016 7:22:27 AM
There was a thread quite some time ago about this very topic. It got heated quickly and was ultimately deleted.........

I was blown away at how angry most of the women got when called out on this.

I do think that most women are not honest about the number even if they venture to answer a question like this. I say take the actual number they say and multiply by 3 (thanks American Pie!!) and you get close to the real number.

In any case, If I had any idea on how dishonest most women are about this topic, I would have definitely used this as a filter for those that I dated way back when I first started using POF.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 112 (view)
 
No Dinner
Posted: 6/10/2016 1:10:44 PM

So in mid 2009 you met the lady you're with now but in Dec 2010( 1.5 years later) you joined this site?


Holy cow you don't like to miss any details, do you?

I was on the site seriously for 3 years (2006 to 2009) before I met the lady I'm with now and went on a ton of dates. I completely removed myself when things became serious and I put myself back on in 2010 as I wanted to still post to the forums. I used to be "Silverhawk" and when I came back on in 2010 I created a new profile called "Silverhawk_tkn".....tkn short for "taken". I didn't pay much attention to the "looking for a relationship" section and simply haven't adjusted anything since 2010.

If it does create a bee in your bonnet - I'll change it just for you. I think the remainder of the profile is quite clear that I've found someone and am not interested in dating, no?
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 103 (view)
 
Poverty stricken men shouldn't be dating
Posted: 6/9/2016 11:22:40 AM
^^^ precisely.

Actually - the whole profile is old and I should just remove the content and hide the profile. One of these days.......

I do get controversial emails from time to time which is a bit of an annoyance.

Been with the same lady now for 7 years. Its time to get off here permanently but I do like to drop in now and again just to see if anyone is discussing anything that perks my interest.

This has been a great experience for me. Met lots of nice ladies along the way and picked up some great tips from these forums. Helped me through my divorce and got me into the next chapter in life. OLD and POF definitely worked for me.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 101 (view)
 
Poverty stricken men shouldn't be dating
Posted: 6/9/2016 7:45:31 AM

Your profile says you're just here for the forums but it also says "Intent: Silverhawk_tkn is looking for a relationship."

So which is it seeing as how you're the bastion of honesty?


This is quite tame compared to some of the emails I get.........lol..........
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 97 (view)
 
No Dinner, just dessert
Posted: 6/8/2016 8:03:52 PM
For my first dates, I always did a coffee "fly-by". I always insisted on a quick 15 minute meet in a public coffee shop just to do an initial meet and greet and see if the lady was honest about her pics and whether there was some initial chemistry before I even thought of a dinner date or something more involved.

Its amazing how many dishonest people are out there.

Many of my "fly-bys" terminated any further relationship right then and there. Its a great filter and you definitely don't get suckered into paying for an expensive dinner just to realize things won't go anywhere further.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 69 (view)
 
Diasppointing
Posted: 3/7/2016 8:11:15 PM

No way would I write off a "nice, decent guy."


...oh come on.......put him up against a guy with a six-pack and all tatted up sporting a Harley and 99% of women fall for him....doesn't matter how "nice" the guy next to him is.

I'm a sucker for blondes with big boobs..........I can't help it either. Just natural.

And as for nice, I find that incorporating some "***hole" into my manly essence does way more than "nice" ever did. Just playing some Donald Trump "logic". Seems to work (well) for me.........LOL..........
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Diasppointing
Posted: 3/7/2016 11:39:08 AM

what you have between the ears makes no difference, including brains, common interests and the ability to hold a good conversation....


^^^this is just a female version of a "nice guy".

Women write-off nice guys daily. Why would it be any different with men writing off female versions of same?
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Anybody get frustrated with not getting responses?
Posted: 3/7/2016 8:23:55 AM
Whats odd is that as I get older, I get more and more emails from women even though my profile clearly says I'm taken. I'm averaging 2-3 emails per week despite what I have on my profile, and some from really good looking ladies!! Hard to turn them down.......

Same IRL - I get way more looks and interaction (from ladies my age) when I go to the lounge or even to the local Starbucks than I did when I was younger.

In my experience, there is no doubt that the dating pendulum swings from advantage=women to advantage=men as you get older. OP, give yourself a couple of years....lol.....they will come to you!!
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Younger Men
Posted: 1/27/2016 3:49:55 PM
I love it when older women chase after younger guys (and vise versa)!

I was recently on a business trip and having dinner in a small restaurant by myself and I was privy to a conversation that a group of young women (late 20s/early 30s) were having at a table next to me and they were complaining about how guys their age were dating older women and how it was tough for them to get dates.........

Being the socialite I always am I struck up a conversation with them and sympathized with their situation and they invited me to join them!! It was a LOVELY evening! I had the attention of 3 VERY attractive younger females (they even bought ME drinks!! How about that!!) - all made possible because guys their age were dating Cougars! To all you Cougs in the Winnipeg area, I say THANKS FOR A GREAT NIGHT!! Keep up the good work!!

 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 18 (view)
 
How can we form a healthy friendship with boundaries in the future?
Posted: 11/30/2015 9:14:17 PM

Can some wise people please help me to figure this out


Not sure I'm the wisest one here but I will tell you what I think he is doing............:

He is keeping you on the backburner. Just in case his primary doesn't work out long term. This has all the hallmarks:

- He hasn't introduced you to his GF.
- He kinda blows you off when you propose a meeting when you are in town.
- He is very apologetic when you confront him.

I know I'm sounding like an ***hole but thats because I am a bit of one and I'm calling it as I see it.

It also helps that I'm kinda doing the same thing with a long term female "acquaintance" I've known for a long time just in case things don't work out with my current GF.......LOL!!

Hey, guys are guys........just sayin'. Sometimes we have good options............:)
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 100 (view)
 
Any guys here miss the good ol' days of POF when....
Posted: 11/17/2015 12:00:49 PM

Any guys here miss the good ol' days of POF?


I feel really fortunate to have gone on some great dates with some lovely ladies I met on this site. 6+ years and going strong with the last one too..........

That said I don't think I would have anywhere near the same experience if I had to go back and seriously find someone on here now. Interestingly I get more mail now then I ever did when I had a "serious and looking" profile up. Its sure is odd..........

Been on here since 2005/2006. Off the market since 2010.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 87 (view)
 
Opinions on Car Doors
Posted: 10/27/2015 9:08:52 AM

You don’t see anything wrong with that? you’re talking about her like she’s nothing but T and A to you. And the middle school boy excitement over her “cleavage show” is… EW.


Thanks for the scolding, mom!! I promise I'll never look again......ESPECIALLY when her nipples are poking out when its a little fresh outside and the convertible top is down...........


You are no longer allowed to appreciate the physical beauty of women because it's demeaning to them. Male gaze is evil in any situation.

Appreciate your girlfriend for her ambition, her intelligence, her social awareness, her tireless work to save the Sub-Saharan Pink-backed dung beetle, her strength and independence NOT her physical appearance, you sexist shitlord....


LOL!!....Cap!! All these years on this forum is making you soft...........you have to include other notables like her emotional prowess, her sense of (expensive) style, and her commanding personality!!

Cheers bro!!
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 81 (view)
 
Opinions on Car Doors
Posted: 10/26/2015 1:53:21 PM

^^^^^ EW.


Why the "EW"? If you have a GF that looks like the one in the picture why wouldn't you want to open the door and get a glimpse?

I love it when my GF wears a short skirt and heels......and I love it when she steps out of the car..........why would that be "EW"?

Curious............?
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Do women mind if you aproach them to say hi in a supermarket?
Posted: 10/26/2015 8:45:47 AM
I always chat to women in the grocery store. I approach casually as I'm shopping for my own stuff and I find it very natural to strike up a conversation. It helps being a good cook as food and cooking are great topics to strike up conversations around! I never single out any women nor do I ever approach aggressively or purposeful - its always just a laid back casual conversation if the opportunity affords.

Between the grocery store and the local Starbucks, I find these are great places to chat with women!!
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 77 (view)
 
Opinions on Car Doors
Posted: 10/23/2015 10:23:00 AM

I was just wondering how many of you men still bother to open the car door for your ladies?


I most definitely do, especially when we are out for a nice evening and all dressed up.

She likes to think its because I'm being gentlemanly but really the only reason I do it is to get a great glimpse of her legs and thighs when she swings herself around to get out.

NOTHING sexier than your lady getting out of a low sports car in a short black skirt or dress, and 4" stillettos!! Yum!!

https://modelmixstudios.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/getting_out_of_the_car.jpg

......and the cleavage show as she stands up.......oh my........bonus!!!!
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?
Posted: 10/19/2015 8:31:54 AM

Do men really expect to find the one on a site like POF?


I don't think its unreasonable to expect to find a keeper here.

Rather than waste time on putting together great messages to ladies only for them to go unread/deleted in the sea of messages they receive, I spent time on putting together a good profile and stated that I would only date ladies that reached out to me............it worked great!! While I didn't get a huge number of responses, the responses I did get were from some very quality ladies and I've been with one now for over 6 years...........

This place does work and you can find "the one" if you put time and effort into it.............
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/7/2015 8:35:22 PM

I went on one date with a guy and we were in my ca after dinner discussing if we were going to go see a movie. Big mistake. He ended up stuffing his tongue into my mouth, then taking my hand and putting it on his leg as if it was MY idea to feel him up.



pushed my head under a tap and ran it. He then pushed me up against a wall in full view of others and came all over my dress.



..........holy cow...........

The stories keep coming............truly saddening.

Sheesh......I think I've been in a shell when it comes to respect for women.......I had to get slapped a few times to get with it when my dates asked me for a "back rub".......I was still respectful and did just that not knowing they wanted sex. This seems to be the exact opposite........

Regardless.........this is sad to read and disturbing to see that this seems to be commonplace. I'm beginning to see why female self-esteem issues are more forefront these days. Experiences like this certainly contribute to the issue.

Terrible stuff here!!
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 4:53:03 PM

Regardless, it was unexpected, uninvited, unpleasant, unattractive, unwanted.



the fact is that what is being described is totally inappropriate and degrading behaviour exhibited by more than a few men towards women


Precisely!!

How guys think that this will lead to a relationship and/or sex is simply beyond my comprehension. Yet look at all the stories of this happening............crazy.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Seniors & wanting to touch too soon: mauling
Posted: 10/6/2015 1:04:11 PM

Pawing and grabbing at another person (male or female) is minimum a huge turn off. I find it hard to believe that men would think a women who spent her time grabbing his junk while out in public on a first date was playing with all her marbles.


I agree with this as well...........

As I get older I place much more importance on how we get along casually and I think it is VERY important to be "conservative, quiet, professional" in the first couple of dates.........

"Conservative, quiet, and professional" all lend well to mutual respect, and anyone I would classify as dating material I would want to hold in high respect. As such, groping and mauling certainly ARENT ways to gain mutual respect.

It is disturbing to read how many (older) women have stories like this............
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 16 (view)
 
What does a backrub mean to you?
Posted: 9/21/2015 4:07:43 PM

What does a backrub mean to you?


LOL!!!.......when I first started dating after my divorce I had several dates ask for a back rub and had absolutely NO CLUE that this was a code-word for sex............I thought it was a legit request!! I delivered too!! It was only after I got consistent requests to "do my front too!" that I actually clued in............with pleasure!!

It was usually after the second or third dates I got asked to do this..........

Oh the things we learn (quickly) on dates...............:)
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 42 (view)
 
What are men in their 40's looking for
Posted: 8/6/2015 5:41:35 PM

The eternal question ... I don't know the answer. Wish I did.

I can tell you with almost 100% certainty that men my age are NOT looking for women my age.


That is so not true.......

I think it boils down to how women expect us men to behave and react in our 40s and beyond. I get a sense from some middle age women that we are still expected to chase after them, woo them, and charm them like we did when we were in our 20s. Guess what - I don't really want to play games like that anymore. What I expect is a genuine, laid back lady that is capable of having an intelligent conversation with a few laughs in-between. I want to feel at ease with you - I don't want to feel like I have to climb mount Everest to get a shot at being intimate with you. I don't care if you are older, same, or younger than me. If you are playing hard to get or you are setting expectations with just a simple conversation - I'm out!!

Into our 40s we start to think more with our big heads rather than our little heads, and if something doesn't feel right, I'd much rather walk away early rather than bear the brunt of a pissed off woman after a night or two of sex and then having to explain why it wasn't going to work out...............younger guys will have no problems operating this way as its the little head that drives them first. Op, I suspect a good many men your age that you met did exactly what I described above. Something didn't seem right after a few conversations/meets so they walked..............

Keep trying.......or try for a younger guy. Cougarlife.com seems to be very popular these days...............my .02.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 780 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 6/11/2015 1:18:17 PM

but for purposes of dating and on here?
How do you weed through the wimmins and come
to a consensus?



For me there is really no way of telling until you have that first date and get an opportunity to talk.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 765 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 6/11/2015 11:28:37 AM

will become Boring at some point...No matter how Big Her Boobs are


....yea I gotta go against the grain here. For me, boobs never, EVER get boring..........

......just sayin'

 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 764 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 6/11/2015 11:15:31 AM

Silverhawk- I tried to be clear in stating that it was SOME men, and men on this forum, specifically. Out in the "real world" I don't run into this sort of limited box-like way of thinking. On *this* forum I run into the same debates over and over, women don't need men, or, if they DO show signs of dependance, instant gold digger.



All cool - was just hoping you weren't getting tainted by these forums - you do seem like a nice lady with a good head on your shoulders.


Just teasing! I'm as dumb as a box rocks. So...Mr. Silverhawk..... ;) ;)


I don't know, KJ - deep down I'm a biker douchebag and if you saw me with my shirt off, you'll find I'm covered in tats..........:)


This is just provoking to insult the women that have insulted men. Ever heard of two wrongs don't make a right?
One doesn't have to completely dumb down. Pffht Come on!
How about a middle ground hmm?


Charmin - yea I take the whole "dumb" thing out of context for the conversation. I don't like calling anyone "dumb" and most certainly wouldn't date anyone that I would consider such. I don't want to insult anyone on here. Middle ground is reasonable but you also have to admit that there are a growing number of males that simply don't have the ambition or drive to be a primary or even equal breadwinner. Hey, if its any consolation, maybe this can also explain the larger cougar movement of older women chasing after younger guys?
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 759 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 6/11/2015 10:15:32 AM

So around and around we go. What the conclusion seems to be for some of the men here (who clearly have HUGE issues with women in general) is that no matter WHAT she likes...the tall "he will take care of me " type of guy or the bad boy biker dude, she's f*cked up.


Hey VK, take the high road on this and think of it this way instead:


I like to think of it as "maybe there really IS someone for everyone"!


You make it sound like us males reject women regardless of your wants/likes - which is not true. Believe it or not we (I) do love women.........:)

 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 756 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 6/11/2015 9:47:23 AM

What ever happened to being smart enough to not be so damn ambitious and balance the priorities between love, life and career?


This is a good question. I have not seen this in any of the successful women I dated. It was all about the career for them.


Maybe women should find dumb men as well?? hmm?


Why not? I don't see this as an issue and it makes sense. As a matter of fact, I see many young males in the generation behind me that would fit as a partner here. I see lots of young guys that are simply content to stay at home, play video games, and keep house while the female is the ambitious breadwinner. I'm sure we'll see more of this given the fact that more women are enrolling and graduating college/university than men are.


Yes, but the truth is that not every confident man wants a confident women.


I like a confident woman - but confident in her femininity and sexuality. Not (over)confident in her intelligence and career aspirations. Big difference there.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 750 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 6/11/2015 8:46:04 AM

http://elitedaily.com/women/intelligent-women-likely-single/678309/


This is a great article and totally describes how I feel toward dating intelligent women. A few of the comments after the article were good too.

I totally admit to falling for "meek" women who come across as sweet and hell ya - big boobs and blonde hair trump intelligence every time......lol...........

Hey - at least I admit to this!!

On the other hand, how is this any different than most women falling for the bad-boy biker type dude all covered in tattoos?
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Interests of women over 50y/o
Posted: 6/8/2015 12:27:26 PM

And one of the great things about getting older is that the tables have turned, here in the mating game. When you were in your 20’s, you had to chase women. Now that you’re 60, if you play your cards right, women will be chasing you.



I can attest to this.

While I'm not 60, I can tell you that in my mid 40s I hold a WAY bigger dating hammer than when I was 20.

I attribute it to having money and confidence - neither of which I had any abundance of when I was younger. Its a different game now for sure - all I have to do is show up solo at the local ultralounge and order myself a drink and its not long before women strike up a conversation with me. Its nice to have women approach instead of always getting denied like when I was in my 20s.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 367 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 6/3/2015 4:05:37 PM

Rather than try and deny the facts or poke holes in the data, I thought it more useful to discuss why women are less happy and men are now more happy than it the past. I can think of a couple of possible reasons.



Interesting discussion point and interesting article by Huffington Post. I had no idea that women were getting unhappy despite their success in Western cultures. Seems so odd to me as I gain a tremendous amount of satisfaction in reaching personal, financial, and career goals so why would women be different in this regard? I can most certainly attest to the fact that I am much happier in my 40s than in my 30s or my 20s and that is due primarily to my successes over the last few decades (and the freedom from a bad marriage).

Ladies, are you truly more unhappy in your 40s and 50s than when you were younger? I see some women that have responded negatively, but I'd like to see some direct responses here.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 159 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/29/2015 4:47:42 PM

Even better if you can chop firewood.


OMG I love chopping firewood. On a nice sunny morning, camping in the Rockies. NOTHING better than sitting by a campfire at night with a nice glass of wine, a 2 person chair, and stars above............
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 156 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/29/2015 4:18:36 PM

Men competing with men apparently isn't a problem - why is it a problem when a woman enters the fray and comes out on top? Because it's seen as a double blow to the man who doesn't have the ability and needs to find someone or something else other than himself for his shortfalls?


Hmmm..........I read this comment with some interest and I'd like a shot at answering this one (amidst all the trolling and flaming thats seems so incessant here lately).

Like I mentioned before I absolutely welcome successful women when it comes to business. I have zero problems recognizing and encouraging women to be the best they can be and hell ya, women can most certainly be more successful than myself in their careers. I never look at myself as not having the same abilities in this context.

However, when it comes to relationships, this is where things get different. Its not that I feel inadequate compared to her, its just that I find successful women to be much more wrapped up in their careers and businesses to really foster a great relationship. I feel like my skills as a man (fixing, maintaining, and even cooking) are less appreciated by these types of women as they tend to have all this stuff done for them by hiring people or just buying new stuff. I have a hard time understanding where I would fit into their lives and I feel relegated to a simple toy that gets played with from time to time, not an equal partner in a relationship. For these reasons, I tend to stay away from independent, highly successful women. I don't feel like its a "double blow" or I have shortfalls, its just that I can't bring to bear any skill or talent or "value" that she would benefit from me. Hmm........maybe I do feel inadequate?

In any case, that feeling is never good - so I look for those females that DO appreciate what I can bring to the table as a man, whether it be changing oil in her car, or cooking her a nice meal. I find average women with average careers seem to fit this bill a bit better so that is the kind of women I tend to gravitate toward.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 90 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/29/2015 8:50:43 AM

So this is what happens. Woman brings guy back to her house, shows him all of her toys, unconsciously is one-upping him, and he is saying to himself . . . who needs this. He is not intimidated. He is just removing himself from a situation which he realizes is a losing game in the long run.


Precisely!! I'd just rather not bother with this..............

Great comment!!
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 88 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/29/2015 8:42:27 AM

Some of these women have met men, got on extremely well, become intimate... all good, till she invites him to her home.
He takes one look at her beautiful home with her favorite things and vanishes.

I will say that all of these women are charming, have lots of friends, can talk to anyone and treat everyone with equality and respect.


Yup I've responded before to similar threads of this nature - yea I do find these women somewhat intimidating and competitive. I think in order to be successful you have to have some of these traits, and in terms of personal success I think there is nothing wrong with these traits. However, when it comes to dating - I often find that the intimidation and competitiveness is simply ingrained in their general personalities, to the point that I simply avoid dating types like this.

Please know, I think its great that women can (and are) having successful careers and we are striving for gender equality. There are guys out there (as proven in this thread) that have no problem dating successful women. However, as a reasonably successful guy myself, I find my personality often clashes with women like this when it comes to dating.

In business - I absolutely LOVE these women. Sharp, articulate, motivated and driven to get things done- total sharks!! Also very pleasant to talk to and have intelligent, stimulating conversation. They make powerful business partners and add huge credibility to the business I'm in. However, it ends there. I put these women straight into the friend zone, regardless of how good they look or how nice they are in conversation. Personal relationships and professional relationships are two VERY different things.

In any case, I stay away from dating successful women.

Just my 0.2c
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 3731 (view)
 
GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?
Posted: 5/4/2015 12:13:43 PM

GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage?


Yea......I question the whole value of "marriage" in its current form. For me, marriage is simply a shell that is used as a legal vehicle to bind assets together between two people under government control. It has nothing to do with love, ethics, or morals. The religious "value" has long since been lost to legalities over the last few decades and is based on gender roles that are no longer relevant in this day and age.........

That being said, hell no, there is no point in waiting for marriage. What I find interesting is thinking about how I should be coaching my son in light of my personal experiences and views. While I would love for him to have a typical "fairytale" marriage to a nice lady, I really don't think that is even a remote possibility and given the huge risk associated with marriage these days, I'm going to coach him to have as much casual sex and relationships as he possibly can before even considering an LTR. Of course, I'll teach him to be responsible around safe sex but to tie sex to marriage in this modern era? No way...............
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 80 (view)
 
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/21/2015 10:48:54 AM

My question is why do either figure they have to shame the other because their wants or needs happen to be different


This is a great point!! To answer the question - no one needs to be shamed!! Its all in the way you handle rejection!! Of course everyone has different wants and needs. Its understanding this in the right (or wrong) context that illicits the shaming response or feeling. Accepting rejection is a hard thing to do for most of us, yet when you stand back and look at why you were rejected, you may be surprised to see that it was in the best interests for both parties. Why even make an attempt when you know right up front that your needs/wants are different? Why feel shamed when someone doesn't think you are a proper match? Simply move on...........no harm, no foul. LOTS and LOTS of fish in this great big sea...............
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 79 (view)
 
I don't NEED a man! I WANT a man!!
Posted: 4/21/2015 10:34:04 AM

I'm with you, OP. I have no interest in being some accessory to a woman's life, which is how I think many women think of their men.

Whenever this topic comes up, I can never get out of my mind how many times women NEED to tell you that they only WANT you and that they have no NEED for you at all, but when the inevitable break up comes she complains that you didn't meet her NEEDS.....

... it's all very confusing, though it's not difficult to conclude that in a relationship only her NEEDS are important and that is why she WANTS you around because she NEEDS her NEEDS met....

... which is why I've chosen not to care what a woman's NEEDS are anymore because I really don't WANT to bother trying to figure out what NEED I've missed to take care of this week.

Maybe women can change that NEED/WANT thing into, "I'd really like to find a man I value" or something like that. I don't like being lumped in with all the unwanted shoes she has in her closet.


GREAT post!!!

I agree with all points listed above. This goes hand-in-hand with the "interdependence vs. independence" thread. As a matter of fact, I used the "I don't need a man" as a filter when I reviewed profiles on here when I was dating. I dropped all those ladies that had this statement in their profiles............

Yep I refuse to be an accessory to the handbag, jewelry and shoes for the night out. If you really don't value me beyond a nice warm body to wake up next to in the morning, I'm not the guy for you.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Girlfriend's kids
Posted: 4/14/2015 9:48:04 AM

These children have a Dad who is active in their lives, they also want to spend time alone with Mom without you tagging along. My advice is to encourage them to go out with their Mom and try to enjoy the free time that gives you.

^^^ +1

In addition, there is a very big distinction between the financial support you give, and the expectation that you are "family". I find that kids have no idea where money comes from nor do they really care. What you do financially for them really has no bearing on your "acceptance" to them as family. Don't expect to somehow "buy" your way into their good graces - it simply doesn't happen. Give them the time they are asking for with their mom and you will probably gain more acceptance because of it.

OP, you should seriously consider a LAT (living apart together) arrangement until the kids get older if you are serious with this lady. A LAT would provide natural "alone" time for kids and parents, and you would never have to be in this kind of situation. In addition, a withdrawal of financial support somewhat would also be a good test to see if you are truly appreciated for who you are, or if you are simply there as financial support and nothing more.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 4/2/2015 10:57:48 AM

We had to stand on our own two feet and be independent


Dpwesu, I get where you are coming from and its not that I don't appreciate women who are independent. I feel these days we all need to be independent and we all need to make sure our own ends meet.

What I really am getting at is that there are those (both male and female) who are so independent that there really is no CHANCE for them to develop any kind of interdependence. I found very successful, highly motivated businesswomen to be like this when I dated a few.

Please know, I'm not trying to put these kind of women down - I think its great that there is lots of examples of gender equality these days and its kind of expected. However, I just find that I don't feel like I can contribute anything of worth to the relationship. I feel more competitive than complementary to women who are like this, and its just me - there are plenty of guys out there that would love to be with a woman that is superior to them in daily life skills and talents. I'm just not one of them.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 4/2/2015 10:20:25 AM

What does interdependence mean to you?


I've never been a fan of women who brandish their independence like a sword. As a matter of fact, I even have this as a negative on my profile.

To me, interdependence is the realization by both that your partner offers you some benefit that you cannot easily get without same said partner, and the feeling is mutual. Simple, but thats it in a nutshell, and its the greatest feeling when you have a romantic interdependence with someone.

To me, interdependence is not just limited to romantic partnerships - it works well in career/work relationships too. For example, I have a great team at my workplace where my interdependence with my coworkers allows us to function so much more efficiently than if I was a one man band...........
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?
Posted: 4/2/2015 10:07:21 AM

Is Dating Post Divorce Impossible in your 30's?


Absolutely!!! I took my divorce as an opportunity to start out fresh with a "clean slate" and oh-boy, did I ever have a good time!!!

I have to say dating in my 30s and post-divorce has been the greatest time of my life so far! It just keeps getting better for me..............

Take some time in getting over the emotional scars of divorce and don't rush. It does take some time. Also, work on improving the things you can and don't worry as much about things you can't. You'll be amazed at how things turn around.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 135 (view)
 
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/27/2015 9:45:34 AM

Any mid life crisis folks need to grow the hell up and accept they are getting older. A sports car or disturbingly younger mate is a point of ridicule


Hardly!!

I fully accept that I am getting older yet I also worked damn hard to be successful despite my divorce. I always wanted an expensive sports car and I went out an bought one. I enjoy it immensely, and it has nothing to do with a mid life crisis. I get a kick out of those that think I bought it because I lack something or I need it to show off - nothing could be further from the truth and if anything, people are simply jealous.

Same with a hot woman - I work hard to stay in shape and at this age, its damn hard to stay fit. I'm proud of the fact I can land a hot lady who thinks I'm sexy.

Hot lady + hot car = lots of jealous people. So be it.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 92 (view)
 
Great Hikes!!
Posted: 3/25/2015 5:58:03 PM

Dude,

you've got to pay attention!
hiker has let forth often the difficulties of her traipses through the trees.



Got it!! Switching to great hikes:

Last one I did was July last year in the Canadian Rockies. I live around the Edmonton area and I usually spend a good part of the summer in the Rockies as there are so many great backcountry and day hikes in and around the Banff/Jasper area. One of my fav's is the hike up to the teahouse at Lake Louise. A bit touristy, but can be done in about a half day and the scenery is spectacular, not to mention hearing the Victoria Glacier cracking constantly in the heat of middle summer. Elevation gain of about 365 meters and can be easily hiked by beginner hikers.

I've got Berg Lake trail booked for this August with a bunch of buddies. Thats a 2 day backcountry hike requiring a pass that takes you past the backside waterfalls and glaciers of Mount Robson in British Columbia. Looking forward to that one. Elevation gain 800 meters over 23KM.
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 86 (view)
 
Men 50+, I don't care what YOU want - here is how you must "be" to get a shot at me!!
Posted: 3/25/2015 4:39:29 PM
LOL......so much for "What do men 50+ want".

This should have been "Men 50+, I don't care what YOU want - here is what you must do and "be" to get a shot at dating me!"

There.....much better.........
 silverhawk_tkn
Joined: 12/3/2010
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Can our hobbies, as much as we enjoy them, limit our dating success?
Posted: 3/25/2015 8:33:42 AM

Sometimes I wonder if our passionate hobby limits us in dating


Nope!! Not at all!! As a matter of fact, some of my hobbies actually promote meeting new people and ladies in general. As I get older, social functions that are part of my hobbies (like cars meets, golfing, etc.) are prime places for me to be social and meet wonderful people in general.

My hobbies also provide topics for conversation and make it easier to approach women and likewise for them to approach me.

For me, hobbies are entirely positive from a social perspective.
 
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