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 Author Thread: Scared of commitment
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Scared of commitment
Posted: 9/4/2012 3:11:30 PM
I describe myself as 'relationshop phobic' which I guess is a fancy way of saying the same thing. I don't think anyone wants to be like that, but when you are used to looking after yourself and those you care about, due to having no choice, then it becomes kind of weird having someone else watching your back and offering you alternatives. If it all happens too quickly, it can be a shock to the system and give you the 'flight or fright' syndrome.

Of course not wanting to commit is fear, it's either that or you have no intention of letting someone into your life, but just with them out of convenience or for entertainment and I think that is far worse if not a mutually agreed situation.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Relationship with someone with a different nationality
Posted: 9/4/2012 12:43:47 AM
The traditional ways are dying out due to necessity. Who can afford to live on one wage these days? If you are a couple and living together then you pool your money to pay the bills and hopefully have some standard of living and it is this that means that a relationship that works is about sharing out duties and working together to enjoy the spare time that you have.

What man would let their partner work 40+ hours a week and then expect them to cook the dinner and do the ironing? That's not a man, that's a monster! How could a relationship like that survive, as I don't see any love there on the man's part if that is the case.

The problem with some traditions is that they don't fit in to today's society. We have to adapt and accept that change happens. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you or care about you if you are cooking the dinner, it means she is busy trying to provide in the same way that you do or would like to.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Relationship Problem
Posted: 9/2/2012 3:28:56 PM
Your poor Mum being blamed for that. If you live in the UK, you would be well used to rain without thunder storms, they don't happen that often. I have to admit that I enjoy a good thunderstorm and think we may have had 2 this year? You should go to Cyrprus where they have the elecrical storms, they are absolutely stunning!

As others have said before me, you need to sort out your irrational fear, as it is obviously impacting on your life and I don't know how you are coping with staying in so much 'just in case' let alone expecting anyone else to cope with it.

We are fortunate enough to live in one of the most placid countries with regards to weather and weather conditions. We rarely have extreme weather, so go see a doctor and be glad you were born in the UK.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
when is the best time to give up?
Posted: 9/2/2012 3:19:50 PM
Also, think about location. I get some messages from men that live as far away as Scotland and I'm around 8 hours drive from there. Lots of things need to be considered.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
when is the best time to give up?
Posted: 9/1/2012 4:43:26 PM

No No No!!! He's looking for a woman of 40!! It says so on my advert! Along with all the men who earn over £100K a year who are looking for 40 year old women too!



No he is definitely looking for a 47 year old according to my advert!!!!


The cad! The absoloute scoundrel!!!! That's it! I'm giving up on men. If you can't trust Philip Schofield, who can you trust???? *Holds hands up in air and shakes head*.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 50 (view)
 
a nice lad or a car?
Posted: 9/1/2012 4:38:48 PM
At least I don't feel victimised now. Now I'm part of a clique! Welcome to the club. I can't post threads either.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Relationship with someone with a different nationality
Posted: 9/1/2012 1:28:05 PM
Another consideration, which I think has probably past for me now, but still an issue for younger ladies. Does your potential partner have routes in the UK or do they still think of home somewhere far away? If you had children together and God forbid it all went wrong, will you be fighting in court to not only see your children, but keep them in the same Country? You hear such horror stories about things like this and I have to say as someone who is a Mother, I would rather die that give up my child and I would not want to live in another country to have that right.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
when is the best time to give up?
Posted: 8/31/2012 3:19:11 PM
^^^^ yes and I click on it and write what I think is a witty and interesting topic, such as the last one based on the lovely picture of Philip Schofield looking for love on one of the adverts on POF and how fortunate it was that he was looking for a lady of 43 years old!!! I then hit the send button and nothing, it's gone! I think I've tried around 4 times now and I've alerted the Mods at least 3 times.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Advice on getting dates?
Posted: 8/31/2012 3:09:06 PM

So if a woman is very,very attractive how do propose she filters through a 100+ messages she receives a day?
As your own rule of "no piccie, no chattee" prevents you from finding out what they look like how do you know these women are "fuglies"? Myself...? I do contact the girls without pictures so I can state as evident fact what I see. And what I see is some remarkably attractive women who would turn your head in the street and best of all; by not posting a picture it shows they are genuine and looking for someone special.


Had you ever considered that profiles with no pictures could also be fake? That they could be sending you a picture that is also fake, but as it's not being shown in the public eye it is less likely to be routed out? There are thousands of pictures of models on the internet.

This is one of the reasons why I show a cross section of pictures on my profile, as they show me with and without make up and in different clothes, so you can see it is really me and hopefully if you can bare the worse pics, then you should be able to like the real me if we meet.

People without pictures in my eyes are dubious at best. There is nothing embarrasing about being on a dating site and yes people can print the pictures off, but as long as the pictures are not too racey then you don' t really have a lot to lose. Plus I think the pictures add to the character of the person. It's another blue print to who the person is and allows you to see into their personality.

Mind you, for me 'stunning looks' is not that important, so it isn't really a consideration. I'm more interested in the twinkle in the eye, the big smile and the inner child showing through.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
when is the best time to give up?
Posted: 8/31/2012 2:53:16 PM
Sending another one would make you bunny boiler material and come across a tad desperate, so I would not advice it. Wait and see if she replies now, the ball is firmly in her court.

What I would like to know is why I'm not able to start a thread and why the mods never return my messages?
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 46 (view)
 
a nice lad or a car?
Posted: 8/31/2012 2:50:31 PM
I'm a white van woman!!! It's a good little mover too :) It's only got one to two little grazes, but I think they give it character *grins*.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Relationship with someone with a different nationality
Posted: 8/31/2012 2:46:03 PM
I once met a lovely chap off an internet chat site. We got on very well and when we met up he asked me if I would date him. I bit the bullet and asked him if he had any obligations or expectations from him family or his faith and he admitted that he would be having an arranged marriage, but until then he was free to date who he wanted.

This is what I call having your cake and eat it. Why would I invest time in our temporary relationship, knowing full well that one day the rug would be pulled from under my feet and what happens if we fall in love?

This does also need to be considered and I appreciate that he was honest with me, as some men would have said whatever I wanted to hear in order to get what they wanted.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Relationship with someone with a different nationality
Posted: 8/31/2012 2:28:14 PM
Communication is very important to me, so this would be the deciding factor. Having said that it is also the deciding factor with anyone, as some times I feel like I am speaking a foreign language. The light definitely has to be on or I'll be switching off!
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 40 (view)
 
a nice lad or a car?
Posted: 8/29/2012 4:31:30 PM
For me it would depend on their location. If they lived in the same town as me and more importantly, lived on their own, then hell yes I'd date them!!!! I'd consider any male who had his own living space a find, providing he was also a decent chap that I enjoyed the company of.

If they lived a distance away then I would have to seriously consider the situation, as time is a premium and travelling can suck it up and take away from the time actually being together, so it's not a transport thing, as much as time constraints.

Would I prefer someone who is solvent? Yes very much so, as I already have enough debts of my own to contend with and where I strive to be independent and take no one for granted, I really really don't have anything to give to a relationship financially at the moment, so where I am not looking for him to provide for us both, It would be good if he could at least provide for himself and then we have a much better chance of doing some stuff together now and again.

I've gone off on a tangent. Where I live having your own transport can be very useful. I imagine if I lived in London there would be little need for it. It's all in the context.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Advice on getting dates?
Posted: 8/29/2012 1:28:56 PM

You will find a lot of the ladies profiles without pictures are really attractive girls who take their picture down after a couple of days due to getting 100's of messages a day from chancers and players in order to get more genuine messages.

Not contacting the "no picture no reply" girls is an excellent filter to get rid of the shallow dross on here, it's probably a self esteem issue on their part in that they have to be seen with a very attractive man by their peers and friends but someone genuine will take a leap of faith and be ok in a person not having a picture as long as they are attracted to your personality.


Omg!!! judgemental or what???? I've never had 100's of messages on here, so I guess I'm just not attractive. I can't say that I'm not confident though, as I am. I doubt very much having no pictures means that the messages are more geniune mind.

Oh and by your reasoning I'm also shallow lol. I'm not sure about that, but I am definitely selective.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Swapping from Fish to cats?
Posted: 8/29/2012 5:30:04 AM

Shouldn't worry about it too much OP, I'm getting precisely nowhere in recent weeks,not even getting looked at, which has also affected my willingness to message anybody.

I put it down to two factors, age and tint in my case. But hey, who knows, someone may log in today and think "oooooo Happy, you'll do". With luck, I'll think "Right back atcha!" :)

Bottom line, nothing worthwhile ever comes easy, so grit your teeth for the long haul :)


It's your own fault for looking young for your age! I don't get the 'tint' thing. I can only imagine how frustrating that must be. I am now wondering what my settings are for age. I may have to change them, but most 45+ don't look after themselves. I've noted that you have set 45 as your top end too.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Advice on getting dates?
Posted: 8/29/2012 3:43:08 AM
And I thought I was a sad pathetic loser, lol


Sounds like a spot on self assessment to me.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Advice on getting dates?
Posted: 8/29/2012 3:39:04 AM
For me dating is very much about honesty and the starting point is about who you are. Ok, so you may not have a great success rate if you are not considered 'attractive' to all, but you will always be attractive to 'some' and are they not the ones that matter? Surely you want to see who is attracted to you, as it is all part of the package.

Ask yourself if you would not meet someone purely based on the way you look and if the answer is yes, then maybe it's not about them and how they see you, but about you and your attitude towards looks. If you would meet someone, who on first appearance was not perhaps attractive to you, but you were attracted to their personality and profile, then why should others not do the same for you?

Keep it real, it doesn't have to be a model picture, just one that you like. Put more time and effort into your profile and exposing the person who you believe you are and then let them decide. Far better to meet someone who knows what they are getting, than someone who has no idea and might conjur up an image in their head that is totally unrealistic and leads to disappointment regardless.

That is how I feel at any rate. Why else would I use a picture of me with no make up and bed head lol.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Swapping from Fish to cats?
Posted: 8/29/2012 3:21:17 AM
I rarely get any messages either and I'm afraid I'm not that impressed by the few I have had. Most seem to rely on the 'would like to meet you' facility and since answering one of those usually results in silence, I can't be bothered to acknowledge them. I think this place is a bit like a charity shop. There is loads of rubbish and sizes that won't fit, but if you keep looking, eventually you'll find something that fits perfectly and at the right price. It might not even look like something you would normally wear, but when you put it on, then you know it was made for you.

Nothing in this life is easy and I think when you have had to put effort into getting what you want you appreciate it a whole lot more.

I'd keep the fish and the cat if I were you. That's what I do!
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Is it all about loneliness?
Posted: 8/27/2012 12:12:18 PM
I don't know about lonely men visiting lap dancers, but I do know about lonely men. My Dad had a quadruple bypass a couple of years ago and at the time my Step Mother freaked out a bit and decided she couldn't cope with him at home. They resolved the problem by him changing his will to leave her everything. They are still together, but he spends the majority of his time on his own. When I go and visit (which perhaps isn't often enough) he cries. He cries every time I see him and it's not because of the fact he takes a zillion tablets a day to stay alive or the fact he is in constant pain, but because he feels lonely and forgotten.

Sadly for him, he was not the best of men when he was fit and healthy and has been a fairly selfish man. I am learning things about my family and my Dad that I never knew before when I visit him, because for the first time in my life he has an interest in my company and wants to entertain me to keep me there.

Now, we are designed to be around people and intimacy does not have to be sexual. The things I have missed while being single more than sex is cuddles and being with someone who is interested in me and for however long, is giving me the time of day and makes me feel that I matter. So, yes I can understand how watching someone lapdance may make someone who feels they are alone in this world and no one cares about them feel good, because for that short time they are the centre of universe to that woman who isn't just giving them their attention, but making them feel desirable through association.

I don't really see why it has to be dirty or disgusting, unless the chap in question tries to paw the lady and cross lines. A woman might get the same satisfaction by being chatted up by a nice looking chap. It doesn't mean she wants to take him home or be in love with him, but it will build her confidence and make her feel good about herself.

I think people are far too judgemental and it's like the adult who has forgotten what it was like to be a child. I think people forget what it feels like to feel pain, lonliness, stress, loss etc. Put your feet in someone elses shoes and imagine how it might feel before you condemn them.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 132 (view)
 
No sex
Posted: 8/27/2012 11:44:04 AM
Honesty and communication is key!

There are 2 people in this scenario and not one. Being intimate on the first date, might mean it's not going anywhere to you, but it might mean hearts and flowers to the other person. Let them know how you feel. Let them know that you're enjoying the moment, but not looking at long term and then they can decide if they want sex with you, knowing that they would be wasting their time to try and see you as a girlfriend.

I guess it's about showing respect?
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
The dating game!
Posted: 7/21/2012 2:39:29 PM
I'm wondering if the interview didn't go well and she is feeling blue with her hopes dashed. Even us women can feel like we have nothing to offer if we are not gamefully employed and actively contributing to the world. Maybe she had hoped that the interview was going to change things around and you were part of that grand scheme, but without the job... the future is bleak and not such a great prospect.

On the other hand, maybe she did get the job and she is in a turmoil with getting things in place, so when she starts she can put 100% into the job and then when the dust has settled she will be back in touch?

Of course you could be right and she could just have been lying to save embarrasment or your feelings, but would it not be better to contact her one more time, just to make sure? I hope you are wrong and will keep my fingers crossed for you.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 46 (view)
 
women hate short men
Posted: 7/21/2012 1:11:16 PM
I think what some posters are forgetting that not all women are the same height. I have a number of friends who are 4' nothing, one of which is also a member on here and I'm sure for her someone of 5' 6" is might tall enough.

Surely it's all relevant?
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 36 (view)
 
women hate short men
Posted: 7/21/2012 3:50:13 AM
My sister's hubby is about 5'6"/7" and she is 5' 10. There are a lot of men shorter than her, but it doesn't bother her at all and she wears heels on top of her height.

Height is immaterial if you love someone.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
What is fashion?
Posted: 7/16/2012 5:55:17 AM
I think it is the material being used that is at question. Denim can be unforgiving and not everyone can get away with it.

I think there are certain 'classic styles' that people are expected to wear when in the limelight or they go totally against the grain and are known to be accentric or trend sitters. Wearing something relatively normal, but not forgiving is a high risk and probably an air brushers nightmare.

I think the rest of us are ok to do what we please and usually if we see someone dressed completely inappropriately we wonder if they have any friends, as a real friend would say something. Either that or they know and don't care.

Now I'm at an age where apparently leggings are out. I'm too old and shouldn't be seen dead in them, but does it stop me? Does it eck! They are comfy and I think they look nice with a long top hiding my bum lol.

Apparently everyone is avoiding Marks & Spencers at the moment. They have had huge losses this year and being a frequenter of their food hall, I often pass through the clothes section and I can see why. They need to get some style and quickly!
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Profile Photo
Posted: 7/13/2012 2:20:58 PM
I think the most sincere picture of me is the one where I am drunk with friends lol. I'm so happy in that picture and it was real, not forced or for the camera, just me being with people I love.

If that makes a man view me dimly, then so be it. He wouldn't be right for me anyway.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Friday the 13th
Posted: 7/13/2012 1:57:36 PM
I was born on Friday 13th so a lucky day for me :) (Not sure about for anyone else though lol).
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Why do you want a partner
Posted: 7/8/2012 2:37:13 AM
I'd love to date a neighbour. I don't think I want to live with anyone again. I like my own space, but nice to share time with someone now and again and enjoy the company. You can't beat a nice cuddle either.

I do start to panic if I feel someone is invading my space though. It is a tough one.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 60 (view)
 
Degrees or not
Posted: 7/7/2012 7:31:03 PM
I didn't get a distinction, just a bog standard 2:2, but having left school with 2 GCSE's and suffered a brain virus 7 years earlier, I worked so hard to retain that information. I also went through a divorce and looked after my son while working 2 jobs and never once faultered or thought about giving up, because I thought it was the key to my future and employment. That is where I went wrong sadly.

I really enjoyed taking the degree and would love to take another one, but of course that would be a luxury and would do nothing to enhance my chances of getting good work.

I have it on my profile, because I have it. Not to boast or because I think I'm a better person, as I don't, but it is a fact and a valid part of my past.

I don't understand why it is not thought of as information only, why should it be viewed as negative or postive?
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Why do you want a partner
Posted: 7/7/2012 7:20:44 PM
You have to have someone to blame when all goes wrong?
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Do Woman Start Chat Requests?
Posted: 7/7/2012 7:19:06 PM
There is a chat facility????
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 37 (view)
 
social dossers
Posted: 7/7/2012 6:51:29 PM
Benefits fraud??? Staying at home to look after your kids instead of busting a gut not to make the same money is not benefits fraud, it's common sense. If the government actually got it right and made it worthwhile for people to send their little darlings away and work then I'm sure many more would.

I heard recently on the Wright Stuff (yes I am not a Jeremy Kyle fan) that one of the ladies pays more for childcare than she does on her mortgage each month. It's total madness!
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 31 (view)
 
What's with all the attitude?
Posted: 7/7/2012 6:40:03 PM
There are frightening amounts of people (male & female) on here (and, for all I know, other sites) that have incredibly bitter and demanding profiles. If someone has that amount of damage and issues running around mentally, they are just not dateable, period.



Does that mean that they should just give up and spend the rest of their lives missing out on something good? Yes most people have something that takes them off track at some point in their lives and maybe right now they are walking in the wrong direction to find it, but it does not mean they can not turn round and find their way again. I say never give up on the possibility. We all crave and and want love in some form or another. Who are you or anyone to say that they don't deserve it or can't have it, just because someone else had trodden on them and left their mark?

Time is a great heeler.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Too old for clubbing?
Posted: 7/7/2012 6:33:26 PM
The clubs in Worcester where I live are awful and I've never really enjoyed them. They are too loud and too many people and it's expensive and...

I'd rather be in a relaxed pub with a pint and enjoying the company of my friends or someone interesting.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Does how much you spend on a date matter?
Posted: 7/7/2012 6:29:21 PM
Doesn't that rather depend on what you are looking for? I mean there are plenty of men out there looking for the trophy wife and you can't expect to have one of those without paying for it.

If you are looking for someone to enrich your life mentally and physically then perhaps money is secondary, but many people in more mature life have worked hard for what they have and their home and have children that they want to help where they can. They don't want to risk their security on someone who might want to sponge off them and that might sound bad, but there are men and women out there that are looking for a meal ticket rather than a partner. I guess it is a case of self preservation.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 28 (view)
 
What's with all the attitude?
Posted: 7/7/2012 1:04:45 PM
Is this a good time to mention that I am relationship phobic? I'm still looking for a cure, but I haven't found one yet :(

I re-write my profile now and again, depending on my mood and I know it probably is telling people to back off at times, but that is because I may have got a feeling of wanting to meet someone and frightened myself. Heck! then I would have to like go on a date or something!!!

Not that I should worry. I manage to scare most of the men off that do contact me hahaha.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Would guys have a relationship with a girl who has a disability?
Posted: 7/7/2012 12:56:22 PM
Looking at this from a different angle. There are those that find the disability to be the attraction. Some men prey on the needy (not that all disabled are needy) and their focus is to become irreplacable.

I was dating my ex when I got encephalitus (likely spelt incorrectly), we had decided to get married after a short period of dating due to outside influences (no I was not pregnant) in the mean time I became ill. From the moment I was taken into hospital in a coma he totally took over. This included intimidating nurses (to the point of making them cry) and my Mum, who was too scared to tell him to back off.

When I came out of the coma, his was the first face that I saw and therefore my first memory was that I was meant to be marrying him and I remember feeling worried that I had missed my wedding. As it was I hadn't, but it was only 3 months away and no one had the balls to tell him to postpone it until I was better (not even his own parents). Needless to say his controlling continued, this manifested in many ways, but mainly mentally. It took me 7 years to break free and every time I tried to assert myself and show him that I was getting better, he kicked me back down. He didn't want the person he met, he wanted the person I had become. The person who needed him and didn't answer back.

You may think I come across a tad opinionated in my posts. It's so wonderful to have an opinion and be able to exercise it without fear, I rejoice in it!

So in some ways I can understand why some members may not want to include their disabiltiy on their profile. Let the person meet you mentally first and see if you have a connection, but at the same time, I do wonder if it is fair to keep back important things that may influence their decision. I suppose it is like all personal things. Not everyone needs to know everything about you, but if you are considering being close to someone, then better to let them know before they become attached and respect their views, because you don't know them better than they know themself, as they don't know you better.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Teen Sleepover - would you allow it & when?
Posted: 7/6/2012 4:38:56 PM
lol we haven't all forgotten what it was like to be young. Besides, I was never rebellious, more misunderstood :) I just left home and joined the army instead. Actually come to think of it, I had more rules to abide by then. What was I thinking of????
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Ladies look but don't reply...
Posted: 7/5/2012 3:17:35 PM
It's a clear case of repitition then. Tsk!

I'm not sure I pander to all this league melarky. If I like what is written in the profile and they are attractive to me, then why not? Besides there are a lot of very good looking men out there that have no idea how good looking they are. You can't beat a shy guy *winks*.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Teen Sleepover - would you allow it & when?
Posted: 7/5/2012 2:55:47 PM
My son has always had sleep overs from the age of around 7 upwards. They have often been mixed as well and always with all the parents consent. Teenagers today don't have the same barriers some of us had when we were at school. They are relaxed in the company of the opposite sex and don't necessarily see them all as 'potential' sexual partners.

My son is nealy 19 and has had 3 gfs. His first one when he was 15 and lasted for 18 months. He asked if she could stay over after about a year and I went to his gfs home (about 4 doors down) and spoke to her Mum and asked how she felt about it. She said that she had full confidence in both of them that they would not abuse the situation and gave her blessing. I particularly liked the daughter, as she made him tidy the room and shower before she would come round. How I miss those days!!!!

I never once caught them 'at it' or heard anything and he has since told me that they never did get 'intimate' as she has cervical cancer in her family and wanted to wait as long as possible before doing the deed. Not sure if that was an excuse or not, but he respected it. They have recently become friends again and I don't think that would have been possible if there had not been that mutual respect and yes she was his first love and he still holds a candle for her.

The other 2 girls he has admitted he was sexually active with, but again nothing that I am aware of or heard while I was there. He has always respected the boundaries between us in the same way he does not swear in front of me, where I know that he does with his friends.

Our children are going to grow up and in my opinion, I would rather it happen in a controlled environment, where I know he is safe and so is the person he is with and within a relationship, than a one night stand. Knowing he knows how to treat a woman and respect her wishes makes me very happy and proud of him.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Ladies look but don't reply...
Posted: 7/4/2012 2:23:18 PM
Oops, I think you answered the wrong thread Bob. The 'Out of your league' thread was next door!
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Does how much you spend on a date matter?
Posted: 7/4/2012 1:38:03 PM
mmmm steak!!!!! I'm afraid I would be sat their with a diet coke though, as I am a bit skint at the moment, but I'll happily slobber over your steak. How is it being cooked... medium rare?
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Ladies look but don't reply...
Posted: 7/4/2012 1:35:18 PM
I need to hold my hands up here. For years (yes I have been on here far too long) I have always replied to every message that was sent to me and every time I got my fingers burned for leading people on. I had never intended to do so, but I was reliably told recently that by answering and getting into conversation I was implying that I liked them and would like to meet. This was never my intention, I was just being friendly.

So... due to not wanting to offend or send the wrong messages I now don't reply if I don't think I would want to meet and it is a shame, as some men I'm sure I would like as friends, but I guess what they are looking for are lovers and that's not something I want unless it feels right.

Having said that, I have got chatting to some and there has been banter annd a little flirtation and as soon as I utter the words, 'shall we meet' they vanish. I guess I'm not the only one who returns messages to be polite lol.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Does how much you spend on a date matter?
Posted: 7/4/2012 1:28:18 PM
For me the date should reflect the personality of the people. Going out for a meal is very generic and forgetable, whereas the time I went to the snowdome and had my first snowboarding lesson with a date is totally unforgetable. Sadly the friendship did not blossom, but that doesn't matter, as I had a day to remember.

I love live music, comedy, festivals etc etc, surely if you are meeting someone who is like minded, there are loads of things you can do that does not involve copious amounts of money and gives you a fun time together, even if true love does not blossom?

Think outside the box!
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
POF Night in Worcester @ Bushwackers Friday 13th July
Posted: 7/4/2012 12:29:17 PM
Bushwackers is a great venue, but my last memory of it was some years ago, as a 'meat market' and now... my son goes there!!!!

I'm getting too old for this game lol.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 83 (view)
 
Do Women go for submissive men?
Posted: 5/2/2012 9:26:51 AM
Some good points made on here. I think a man who is aware and able is far better than a man who gives you 'nice' things repeatedly that mean nothing. Perhaps responding to a problem, helping without needing to be asked and having listened and reacted in a positive way would be far better.

I also think it's nice to give each other time, without cramping each other, allowing each other to be independent so they don't lose their identity, but still working as a team when necessary and appreciating who you are, without trying or wanting to change you, but accepting your differences.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 238 (view)
 
What is the definition of a 'cougar'?
Posted: 5/2/2012 9:16:49 AM
Have you ever considered that you might need to up your game a little? Perhaps you dated them expecting them to be grateful and were surprised when they weren't? Relationships are about complimenting each other and working equally at it. You can't expect it to just happen without putting in some effort.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 218 (view)
 
What is the definition of a 'cougar'?
Posted: 4/14/2012 5:51:29 AM
Cougar and MILF describe two different things... A cougar is a "Mom" who is desperate to f*** YOU. Her attractiveness (Or lack of it) has nothing to do with it.
Cougar: A woman that wants to "recapture" her youth by dating young immature douche bags that just want to sleep with them..then they come on here jaded again whining about how she cannot get a LTR going...almost forgot to throw in that she has to bash all older men, that they have ED and cannot keep up...hence the excuse of only wanting younger men...




Nothing to do with the nice taught body, the wash board stomach, the firm peachy bottom, the ability to repeat and stamina to go with it that does not include turning round, farting and snoring like a fog horn then?

Are men the only ones that are allowed to enjoy the company of air heads? Why is it men get to be called 'Sugar Daddy's' which is quite an endearing name and women get to be called Cougars?

Seriously the amount of guys that complain that women don't like sex, they all have head aches blah blah blah and as soon as they see a woman who is enjoying herself she gets slapped down and labelled.

MILF = Mother I'd like to F*** That means the guy wants her, NOT that she is desperate!!!!! Will you guys get over yourself. You can tell which guys aren't getting any can't you!
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Women Marrying 'beneath their social status'
Posted: 4/11/2012 12:44:52 AM
It's not all about women being materialistic but make no mistake there are some things that women just do. Its a bit like the difference between cats and dogs. Men=Dogs. Always pleased to see you always willing do something to please you.. always there for you.

Women=Cats: Not really bothered where the fnck you are as long as theres food.


I so don't agree with this. I don't remember any man ever being there for my Mum wagging their tail apart from my Granddad who was hard working and even he expected the food to be on the table when he got back home from work. My Gran worked tirelessly to keep the house the way he liked it and he worked hard to provide.

It was like walking on egg shells in our house when my Step Dad was home and I only ever got to see my Dad if my Mum invited him over for Sunday lunch and eventually after years of not being round, I wrote him a letter asking him why he didn't love me (I was 13) and his new wife who I had never met started the ball rolling and I got to see him again.

Men can be very selfish and insular in my experience and in my experience it is the women that are the driving force and get them off their backsides and taking on their responsibilities. That is apart from my Granddad who was the best man I ever have had the pleasure to meet and love.
 bootielicious
Joined: 9/10/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Women Marrying 'beneath their social status'
Posted: 4/10/2012 1:19:49 PM
Sadly my sister is one of these people. He's a nice enough chap, but no real ambition, no real conversation and he until recently spent his spare time smoking pot. She organises everything, does all the house work, looks after his daughter when she visits and earns the lion share of the wages. She was content, until she got a short job abroad and all of a sudden her eyes have been opened and the questions have started. The question of... is this it? He is not supportive of her spreading her wings within work and made her come home early.

I don't believe their situation is how it is for all though. I mean just because you are shown one way to live, it does not mean that it is the only way for you to live or that you don't have ambition or drive, otherwise where would the 'new blood' and 'new money' come from? I'm sure there are plenty out there that are intellectually matched and will find their way despite their background, but sadly not for all.
 
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