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 Author Thread: Forum Roll Call
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 16 (view)
Forum Roll Call
Posted: 9/8/2018 1:20:18 PM
It's rare these days, I take the time
to scribe my thoughts and post,
but I'm always close by, watching
like a spooky forum GHOST... :)
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 362 (view)
whats the daftest thing you have done when drunk
Posted: 12/30/2017 12:30:24 AM
Very good Jacknher, thanks for the smile. Any scientist wanting to make a study of 'lastworditis' would do well to log on to this fourm, hahahaha
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 130 (view)
whats the daftest thing you have done when drunk
Posted: 12/20/2017 12:48:22 PM
Not one of mine but I kinda wish it was ....

It was as I remember, one night in late September
I was walking down the road in drunken pride,
when my knees went all a-flutter
and I ended in the gutter,
when a pig came up and lay down by my side.

I was lying in that gutter, not a sentence could I utter
when a lady passing by was heard to say,
you can tell someone what boozes
from the company they chooses,
and with that the pig got up and walked AWAY ...

Merry Christmas forum people
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 92 (view)
Posted: 2/11/2017 3:15:32 PM
The Penis Poem

My Nookie days are over
my pilot light is out,
what used to be my sex appeal
is now my water spout.

The time was when, all on it's own
from my trousers it would spring,
but now it's just a full time job
to find the bloomin' thing.

It used to be embarrassing
the way it would behave,
as every single morning
it stood to watch me shave.

As old age now approaches
it gives my heart the blues,
to see it hang it's little head
and watch me tie my shoes.

Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 19 (view)
What's your favorite poem?
Posted: 1/12/2017 9:40:29 AM
This is mine :

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night by Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on that sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 3834 (view)
First Line, Last Line (Part Deux)
Posted: 1/12/2017 9:05:47 AM
Like chopping wood back on the farm
a thing to make you strong of arm,
though frowned upon by men of cloth
is lots and lots of tossing off.

Some say it's wrong to waste the seed
and wait for wives to sate your need,
but my advice for what it's worth
a daily rub improves the girth.

Now Popeye, as you may well know
had Spinach snacks to make him grow,
but you my friend need no such thing
just time spent with your DING-A-LING ....

Hahahaha, apologies for whoever is next....
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 1136 (view)
Posted: 1/12/2017 8:34:51 AM
it does take all kinds
a mixture of everything
being eclectic ...

Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 1 (view)
On-line Dating Terminology - sound familiar?
Posted: 12/20/2016 6:46:29 AM
I read this article today and have to admit that I hadn't even heard of most of them, maybe it's an age thing. I have however had quite a bit of experience of the first three. I'm surprised there isn't a term for 'Can't get a reply', lol.... How many of them have you come across?....
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 1049 (view)
4 Lines
Posted: 12/12/2016 4:18:43 AM
The heart is but a simple muscle
all it does is push corpuscle,
but when it stops, no matter why
it's time my friend to say goodbye ....

Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 28 (view)
Simply cannot get a response
Posted: 12/3/2016 3:09:20 AM
Don't Sweat The Small Stuff

Oh lordy me, what can I do
to know my call to love got through.
Did she see it, then dismiss
or think a toad she'd rather kiss,
yet maybe it's still waiting there
until she's fixed her face and hair.

Has she been busy and forgot
which older people do a lot.
Or is my message in a queue
a hundred long, or just a few,
how will I ever really know
unless she writes and tells me so....

There is only one person can answer this question and none of us are them.....
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 24 (view)
Old Forumites
Posted: 11/21/2016 4:07:37 AM
There's Plenty of Fish in the ocean
or so we are led to believe,
we signed on the line to find romance
not knowing there's no way to leave.

We all had a list of our 'must haves'
and boxes we all had to tick,
so we sent off our offers for chit-chat
in messages dripping with wit.

The smile on our face when we started
so certain we'd done the right thing,
was a wide as the grandest of canyons
for promise tomorrow might bring.

A saint would be proud of the patience
we showed as we'd wait to receive,
the green flash hope in our inbox
from some Mabel or Morris or Steve.

As we look back with great fondness
and many more miles on our clock,
those hopes had been sadly misguided
which came as a whopping big shock.

With so many like-minded people
like us who are looking for love,
you'd think we'd spend hardly a moment
finding a hand for our glove.

But year after year we are flummoxed
at the lack of responses we get,
from the love of our life come aknocking
so we're not giving in on it yet.

We'll stick it at it just a bit longer
to see if the adage is true,
that God really does love a trier
and that someone is out there for YOU......

Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 21 (view)
Old Forumites
Posted: 11/19/2016 4:15:44 PM
^^^ Hello poet !!!. given up on romance?, say it isn't so.....
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 16 (view)
Old Forumites
Posted: 11/14/2016 2:40:45 PM
If memory serves me well my Sherwood Forest friend you did have quite a fondness my 'Albert' poems. In fact you said this....

Amusing incidents on dates or at weddings?
Posted: 3/7/2013 659 PM

G POET ! Brilliant! You have done Marriott Edgar proud there. What a successor! As I read it I could hear Stanley Holloways voice in every word. I am in bed on my phone but hope if possible you will allow me to print it out. I would love to show it to some colleagues. Oh, if my mum were alive she would love it too. Ace! Thank you :-) x

You could probably do a search and find it if you wanted, lol...

Ah Chuzz !!!,

She was a very talented poet when she set her mind to it. She and I wrote this together one evening...

by Chuzz16 (aged 10) & Graffiti Poet

A man came down from Mars one day,
The people all said go away,
They were afraid of him you see,
He didn't look like you and me.

He had two heads and forty legs,
That Martian had no toothy-pegs.
He came to us cause we had wealth
to get false teeth on National Health.

The Dentist sat him in his chair
his many legs were everywhere,
he said “Though this may take a while
you'll smile just like a Crocodile”.

He wasn't sure which head to choose
but knowing he had nowt to lose,
he said “Relax, and open wide”
then shone his torch and looked inside.

He saw three tongues all full of spikes
then jumping back and shouting “Yikes”,
for where he'd hoped to see some pegs
were rows and rows of tiny eggs.

The eggs had shells so wafer thin
the light shone through and there within,
were tiny little Martian men
each egg containing nine or ten.

A jumbled mass of heads and legs
that left no room for any pegs,
he said “Let's try the other one
and hope the eggs in there are gone”.

But when he looked he saw again
more rows of eggs all filled with men,
the Dentist said “I much regret,
I cannot fit your dentures yet”.

“Until those eggs are fully hatched
the teeth I'd make would be mismatched,
I think it's best we wait a bit
to make quite sure your dentures fit”.

He said “But please before you go
there's just one thing I'd like to know,
each egg it seems is full of men
where are the girls, what's come of them?”.

The Martian gave a gummy grin
and said “Alas to my chagrin,
I thought you knew that unlike us
the girls are living on VENUS.

and she wrote this one all by herself....

A Duck or a Loofah

So you think a duck is silly
I tend to disagree,
I have a little black one
he takes a bath with me.

All day he sits there waiting,
so silent and so still,
With last nights soapy bubbles
still drying on his bill.

You can keep your fishnet stockings
and Wellies thick with muck,
You may prefer your loofah
But I'll stick with my duck.

It was her birthday on the 14th of last month. Let's all raise a toast to her good health and happiness in case she's like me and still reading these forums ... all together now ... Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Chuzzy, happy birthday to you. Happy belated birthday Carol if you're still reading .... :)

Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 10 (view)
Old Forumites
Posted: 11/12/2016 1:23:04 AM
You're not the last man standing
as we can clearly see,
Jo Van, Badge and fifty's here
that Sherwood chap and me.

Tartan John and Gardengirl,
the chap in comment number 5,
are proof if proof were needed
this forum's still alive.

Though many now are sadly are gone
some to love and marry,
It's strange how much I miss them all
including old Zeegary....

Hahaha, I must be going bonkers... we should organise a reunion thread and try and see if any of them are still about. It was great fun in here back in the day...
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
Old Forumites
Posted: 11/12/2016 12:58:33 AM
In days of old, or so I'm told
these fora were much funner,
now everyone who made us laff
has gorn and done a runner.

That's not to say, we who remain
are boring, dull and dry,
it's just we've gone stir crazy
and stuck here til we DIE.....

You only think we've gone away Roxy, (insert evil laughing icon here), we're still here, still watching, we see everything, hahaha :)
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 4862 (view)
Haiku Connection - Part IV
Posted: 11/3/2016 3:56:43 AM
Make it to the road
it's the first step that's hardest
even to the stars ...

Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 1108 (view)
Posted: 11/3/2016 3:52:59 AM
Leave nothing to chance
if we don't stop them, who will
what will be will be ...

Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 1089 (view)
Posted: 10/7/2016 4:10:38 AM
like air and water
it's all elementary
created by stars ...

Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 4842 (view)
Haiku Connection - Part IV
Posted: 10/5/2016 3:21:38 PM
intelligent life
out there in the universe
but not here on Earth ...
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 4840 (view)
Haiku Connection - Part IV
Posted: 10/5/2016 6:35:44 AM
made seamless in time
from here to eternity
and sometimes beyond ...

Hi y'all
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
Diary of a one man band
Posted: 9/16/2016 12:23:30 AM
From one poet to another, that is excellent, well done.

Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 62 (view)
Rhymes My Crime
Posted: 9/3/2016 8:13:11 AM
I think we've solved a mystery
that's puzzled for some time,
where comes the gift of saying things
in lines which end in rhyme.

I think I know the secret now
your dad revealed a clue,
he had a special way with words
and passed it on to you....
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 61 (view)
Rhymes My Crime
Posted: 9/3/2016 7:53:10 AM
Getting old is not so bad
no need for tears or feeling sad,
especially not when nature blessed
a mind for rhyme that few can best.

When looking back on yesteryears
the happy times and yes the tears,
banish thoughts of feeling glum
the best of you is yet to come ...

Happy birthday Charlotte B|
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 87 (view)
Posted: 6/12/2016 3:34:34 PM
Morning Glory

Each morning when alone I wake
I curse my luck, for goodness sake,
how is an old man all alone
supposed to sort his morning bone.

In years gone by there is no doubt
I'd just take hold and bash one out,
or turn to kiss the missus lightly
good morning dear, it's me; twice nightly.

She knew like me no better way
to greet the breaking morn each day,
than start each new page of our story
dealing with my morning glory.

But sadly now those days are past
I recognise I've loved my last,
it's only function now I see
is adding more stability,
to save me from a bumby head
it stops me rolling out of BED....

Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 60 (view)
Rhymes My Crime
Posted: 5/29/2016 12:17:59 AM
Each morning when alone I wake
I curse my luck, for goodness sake,
how is an old man all alone
supposed to sort his morning bone.

In years gone by there was no doubt
I'd taken hold and bashed one out,
or turned to kiss the missus lightly
morning dear it's me; twice nightly.

She knew like me no better way
to greet the breaking morn each day,
than start each new page of our story
dealing with my morning glory.

But sadly now those days are past
I recognise I've loved my last,
it's only function as I've said
it stops me rolling out of BED....
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 980 (view)
Posted: 5/19/2016 3:23:11 AM
time you look at me
our faces change together
aging in tandem ...

Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 59 (view)
Rhymes My Crime
Posted: 4/20/2016 10:51:36 AM
I wish I'd sooner given up
puffing on the fags,
my lungs are now like leather
and tough as saddle bags.

I cough a lot, I wheeze a lot
I suffer lots of pain,
if I had my time all over
I'd never smoke AGAIN....

Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 76 (view)
What annoys you most on POF?
Posted: 4/14/2016 9:03:29 AM
@BoardGamerGeek It really isn't just about rejection based on appearance it is usually just as much about timing as anything. All the women you message will have been on here for a period of time. She will probably already have people she is chatting to, people she may have messaged back and forth a number of times. She may even been in the process of meeting or having met someone already. She may very well have thought you were a good possibility but women, on the whole, don't tend to play the 'let's keep a few in reserve just in case game'. If you had contacted her before these other chaps then your well written message may well have had a completely different outcome...
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 1035 (view)
4 Lines
Posted: 3/25/2016 12:09:09 AM
^^^ Me too, thank you

The fishermen atop the pier
with woolen hats and fishing gear,
try to get the fish to bite
to have with chips for tea tonight.
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 945 (view)
Posted: 3/22/2016 10:08:16 AM
They chop down dead trees
well they wood do woodn't they

Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 1033 (view)
4 Lines
Posted: 3/22/2016 8:58:14 AM
Each time I try but fail to sleep
I try the trick of counting sheep,
as past my eyes those jumpers sweep
in just two ticks I'm fast asleep.......

Hmmm, version one or version two?....
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 1032 (view)
4 Lines
Posted: 3/22/2016 8:22:53 AM
Each time I try but fail to sleep
I try the trick of counting sheep,
each time I count those jumping sheep
in just two ticks I'm fast asleep.........

Greetings poet people ....
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 71 (view)
'American Sentences' ala Allen Ginsberg
Posted: 3/22/2016 2:30:14 AM
Sometimes I try but fail to sleep, I try the trick of counting sheep, zzzzzzzzzz

Night night Charlotte , sweet dreams poet x
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 932 (view)
Posted: 3/9/2016 1:17:28 AM
don't miss him no more
no matter how much you hurt
broken hearts soon mend...

Good morning colonial cousins
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 929 (view)
Posted: 3/7/2016 9:26:57 AM
cat curls into ball
like mittens made for kittens
it's a purrfect fit....

Greetings word wizards
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 4699 (view)
Haiku Connection - Part IV
Posted: 2/22/2016 9:10:24 PM
this, This ...end of Me
ultimate destination
ashes to ashes...

Howdy-doody y'all
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 894 (view)
Posted: 2/16/2016 1:07:54 AM
Defend what you knew
it wasn't always like this
say you still love me...

Good morning poets, what a beautiful day..........
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 890 (view)
Posted: 2/14/2016 1:42:59 AM
Depot ten miles back
wait beneath the station clock
it's Valentine time ...

Happy Valentines day rhymers, whoop whoop !!!
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 4688 (view)
Haiku Connection - Part IV
Posted: 2/11/2016 4:29:51 PM
life's done it to me
from the cradle to the grave
happenstance again ...

Greetings storytellers !!!
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 888 (view)
Posted: 2/11/2016 4:26:15 PM
Have short attentions
sometimes it's hard to focus
what was I saying? ...

Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 4683 (view)
Haiku Connection - Part IV
Posted: 2/8/2016 5:51:15 AM
my heart remains cold
emotionally broken
someone light the fuse ...

Howdie doody kinsfolk ......
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 882 (view)
Posted: 2/6/2016 4:17:27 AM
when Moby Duck calls
don't say your name is Jonah
that would be quackers ...

Morning wordsmiths
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 869 (view)
Posted: 2/1/2016 12:33:23 AM
witness protection
be careful what you ask for
dead men tell no tales ...

Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 4669 (view)
Haiku Connection - Part IV
Posted: 2/1/2016 12:20:39 AM
^^^welcome back x

happenstance perchance
life is a bed of roses
for the lucky few ...

Good morning word wizards
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 4658 (view)
Haiku Connection - Part IV
Posted: 1/27/2016 1:50:53 AM
Snowflakes scatter light
riding frozen moonbeams
to eternity ...

Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 866 (view)
Posted: 1/27/2016 1:35:42 AM
I'd remember that~
hobbits and clay warriors
unforgettable ...

Morning poet people .........
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 12 (view)
Tales from the Witch
Posted: 1/25/2016 2:57:06 AM
My favourite pastime I admit
it baking children pie,
just pop 'em in the oven
then turn the heat up high.

In half a tick they're golden brown
just add some petiti pois,
you simply can't imagine
how tasty children are.

I recommend to everyone
you give this dish a try,
don't ask why I eat children
you'll know the reason WHY............

Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 4650 (view)
Haiku Connection - Part IV
Posted: 1/25/2016 1:14:22 AM
Tea party for two
everything in abundance
shall I be mother ....

Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 863 (view)
Posted: 1/25/2016 1:02:23 AM
foresight with hindsight
you should have seen it coming
shut that blooming door ...

Good morning poets

North middle country covered in snow for half a year !!!, Sounds like you live in a land imagined by JRR Tolkien hahaha

Hi indinile, Nice to see a fellow Northerner on here, can you see Lancashire from your front porch? That's where I'm from whoop whoop..
Joined: 1/2/2011
Msg: 861 (view)
Posted: 1/24/2016 7:54:50 AM
Pie in the sky for all!
dream big, be all you can be
living the high life ...

How's things over there at the mo carefree, you out and about building giant snowmen ?, the pictures of the snow are all over our media..........
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