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 Author Thread: Kids accept ex's friends - not mine -
 downtoearth50
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Kids accept ex's friends - not mine -
Posted: 7/4/2007 7:11:59 AM
Hi everyone

Thanks everyone for your input....I know that I am not the only one in this type of situation, but it's nice to hear how others deal with it.

I do think your right sweetmama....I know my girls accept dad's new women, again, they are not overly accepting of a man in my life. They are good girls and love to see me happy, but I really believe it's because of things they saw and heard when I was married. Unfortunately, I see myself alone for a few more years, as I think my girls "scare" the men off. As I said, they are good girls, kind, considerate and loving, but they attach themselves with all their hearts and should the relationship between myself and a man not work out, they get hurt and they see me "hurt" all over again. Oh well, maybe it's just not meant to be at this time....However, I don't see anything wrong with having male friends and if I were lucky enough to find a mate that would show/prove to the girls that he's not going anywhere, I know that my girls would be full accepting of him.
 downtoearth50
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Fave Christmas tradition
Posted: 10/24/2006 2:29:36 PM
Well, since being by ourselves, the kids and I have made a tradition that every Christmas morning we turn on the fireplace, drink hot chocolate and open gifts. After that, we eat breakie and do a puzzle. It doesn't matter what puzzle, but it's a "family" thing we can all do....sometimes it doesn't get finished as everyone gets bored, but the intentions are there and it gives us some quality time together.
 downtoearth50
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Does anyone really believe that there are soul mates?
Posted: 10/24/2006 2:00:51 PM
Just curious, I have given this alot of thought, and I think there is no such thing as soul mates, but I do believe that a couple can grow and understand one and other - through working together and then fit comfortably together. What do you think?

Chow
 downtoearth50
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Kids accept ex's friends - not mine -
Posted: 10/23/2006 10:40:35 PM
I can relate to this one. Funny how things turn out. He's the one that screwed around on me and has gone through many relationships since, but when I get someone I am interested in, both my girls don't really want me to be involved. Their reason is similar .. we can help you, we can do this, we can do that....they don't realize that it's nice to have a man around, their idea is "just the 3 of us," "were fine without anyone else". My oldest tells me and I quote "it doesn't matter who you go out with, we're not going to like him, we like it with just the 3 of us."

I'm not saying that I don't like it with just the 3 of us, but they don't seem to comprehend that I don't want to grow old by myself. I want to share my life with someone eventually. Their eventually is when they are grown and out of the house! I could be dead by then!

I guess it's because they don't live with their dad and only see's him every 2nd weekend (atleast one of my daughters - the other won't have anything to do with her dad - he's lied alot to her and was mean to her).

I think that she is scared that if I get involved, the man would hurt me the way her dad did, not sure...he wasn't physical, but verbal and mental abuse big time. She was around for all of it.

Anyway's, thanks for all your inputs, I really appreciate it! Maybe one day I can have a relationship that my daughters will approve of and it won't be when I'm totally old and grey!
 downtoearth50
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
What makes you
Posted: 10/4/2006 2:07:25 PM
Never tipped toed around anyone before I met my ex. Being he worked shifts, and we had small kids, I was always walking on egg shells as to not wake him. I would tell the kids to stay quiet, I would make sure that I only did quiet things. My ex needed major sleep 13 hrs to be exact or he'd be really owly. The last 5 years of our marriage I decided that I wasn't going to clam up anymore, and that my kids had every right to be kids, so I did my own thing and the kids enjoyed themselves. Not only did I look after my own kids, I also took kids in - the tip toeing stopped!
 downtoearth50
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Kids accept ex's friends - not mine -
Posted: 10/4/2006 1:48:42 PM
Thanks for your replies. I know that I'm not the only one ever to deal with this, but it breaks my heart when my 8 yr old looses yet another person she loves. My 13 yr old will have nothing to do with her dad...that's another story in iteself, but she gets angry that her sister gets hurt.

I have explained many times, 4 to be exact to my youngest about loving a person and that she has every right to love the women that her dad brings into her life as this person could possibly be her step mom. I explain that her heart is very big and that the women all love her back....She is not a dumb child, she knows that it is wrong for her dad to use these women (and that is what he is doing)....Bottom line is she gets hurt and cries and cries, I pick up the pieces and "oh, daddy has a new girlfriend"...Whatever the case, I have and always will be there for my girls, as for "daddy", he won't be around for my oldest, she's seen to much and reads him like a book - problem is, my ex won't even give her the time of day - won't even try, so she couldn't care less on how many women he has in and out of his life, but bottom line is, her sister does and that is what is hurting them both.
 downtoearth50
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
this is not right paying child support to g/f not my kids
Posted: 10/2/2006 2:24:24 PM
ok, I am presuming you are all writing from the US, well I live in Canada, and the part I live in is similar to the fact that if a man moves in with a women who has children, and stays with her 6 months or more, they are legally married. The children involved, even though their hers, the man has a obligation to look after them - it seems more so if the child(ren) do not know their own father and they take on the new live in as their dad. My girlfriend went through this when her kids were only 2 years old and the man was the only father they knew, after 10 years, they split and the courts found him to be liable to these kids as they were the only father they knew - biological dad no where in picture.

I presume it would work both ways though, if a lady moves in with a man with children, and she made good monies, they split, I think she'd be held accountable too...that's what I heard - but don't hold me to that one.
 downtoearth50
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Kids accept ex's friends - not mine -
Posted: 10/2/2006 2:08:46 PM
My ex and I have been divorced for 4 years, problem is, he has gone through 5 different women in that time and my kids find that ok - Dumb as it may sound, could it be that because they don't live with their dad, it's ok to filter through women? My kids tell me, "we like it the way it is". Don't get me wrong, I'm happy and content with my life and my kids, it just seems like a double standard - and this is coming from my kids. My youngest whose 8 asks all her dads girlfriends, "are you moving in with my dad", if they say no, she says, "good, cause if you did, it wouldn't last - he always dumps them when they move in." What can I say, she seems to have hit it right on the head - but the sad thing is, my youngest loves these women, and the turn around is drastic that she's the one that gets hurt. How can I prevent her from being hurt over and over and over again? I've tried to talk to numb nuts, but no go...he doesn't see it as a concern. Any suggestions would be great!
 downtoearth50
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 20 (view)
 
A Content Man
Posted: 10/2/2006 1:51:23 PM
Hi

I'm new to this site and decided to join in on the conversation.

There is nothing wrong with what you are doing and it's a very attractive trait to be content and happy with your life. I too am that way and am not seriously looking for someone - my friends think I am nuts, I should want more. I think it's just where I am in life, and that is I like myself, I enjoy my kids company and doing what I want, when I want.

In time I know that will change, as I get older, things mellow more, but for now - I am content and happy. As the saying goes "why fix something that ain't broke!"

As long as you got friends, family and contentment, life's good!
 
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