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 Author Thread: Wanting Christian Grey.....
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 37 (view)
 
Wanting Christian Grey.....
Posted: 7/25/2012 1:09:52 PM
I have read all three books and must admit the sex parts did get extremely boring towards the end.

I think the appeal of Mr Grey isnt necessarily the sexual dominance, but more the willingness in him to change and learn to be in a relationship. He didnt actually make her sign the contract, she told him she wanted more and he agreed to try. He had a difficult background and was very self assured of himself and what he wanted but he met a woman he wanted to be with and agreed to try it her way instead of his own. Along with the dominance comes a great level of protection and i think most women want to feel protected and adored by whoever they are with.

I personally would feel smothered by the level of protection and dominance in the book but hey, a handsome man with his own helicopter certainly has some appeal, albeit fictional!!
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Ever think someone is out of your league and not messaged them?
Posted: 6/27/2012 12:42:32 PM
Glad its not just me! Another big girl with no confidence here!! Lol
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
What's with all the attitude?
Posted: 6/27/2012 9:44:10 AM
I do have a line at the bottom of my profile saying i'm not interested in one night stands etc as i'm not that kind of girl. I dont think it comes off as rude but maybe i am wrong??

I agree some of the comments you have mentioned wouldnt be the most encouraging thing to read on a profile but i would assume its showing the people for who they are.

I do know as a woman i have had a fair few messages in the past that are from people looking purely for recreational activities which is why i commented about it on my profile. I also get messages of people i may not find attractive but i dont dwell on it enough to comment on my profile about it!!
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
proof of divorce
Posted: 6/12/2012 10:22:03 AM
OP, even though your solicitor has moved practice the original praxtice should have a copy of the decree absolute in storage. My ex didnt have a copy and he was able to get it from the solicitors office even though his solicitor has moved. They dug it out and gave it to him no problem.
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 13 (view)
 
how tall is too tall
Posted: 6/5/2012 10:08:46 AM
The taller the better for me! I'm 5ft 9 so its hard to find men who are quite a bit taller!
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Time taken up by Masters Degree
Posted: 5/30/2012 10:22:08 AM
I think there is more than one way to do it. I'm nearing the end of a teaching degree and have been looking into a Masters. Some you can do full time for one year and occasionally a bursary is available. My daughters teachers do it in addition to their full time jobs. I think its once a week in the evening so i imagine it will take a while to finish. Best thing to do is find out which one you want to do and start asking around at uni's!
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 10 (view)
 
who looked at me
Posted: 5/30/2012 10:19:21 AM
My screen is really wide too!
And i hate when the 'Viewed You' page disappears!

Grrrrrr
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Criminals and a new start??
Posted: 5/24/2012 4:07:56 PM
The boys who were killed in this crash lived quite near to me so it was a huge story locally.

I certainly think that at 24 he knew the consequences of his actions. I also think as a footballer he probably felt untouchable as is often the way some or most footballers seem to act. I think what potentially makes the story worse in some peoples opinions - including mine - is that this man was about to become a father when this happened, and has since had day releases to visit his family. Whilst its not for me to pass judgement on whether justice or not was served, i think it is very wrong for the football club to even consider taking him back on. For many young kids football players are role models and by putting this man back in the limelight in this role there is a message being sent that not only is it ok to drink and drive, kill 2 children and seriously and permanently injure the father, but the consequences are rather minimal compared to those of the family and friends of those 2 boys.
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Divorce?
Posted: 5/23/2012 6:25:37 AM
A great big thanks to everyone who took the time to reply!

I've been to my solicitor and got the ball rolling so to speak and actually feel quite good about it. My solicitor is going to write to the ex requesting a divorce on the grounds of the ex's adultery post separation and see if he agree's. If he does then he's going to start the process, if not we'll re-address the grounds. I still anticipate problems at some point but i'm glad i made the decision to go forward with it and very grateful for your words. I felt much better prepared than before!!
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 1 (view)
 
MSN??
Posted: 5/23/2012 4:37:04 AM
Does anyone use MSN anymore? If so, why?

I constantly get inundated with requests to chat on MSN. I downloaded it on my phone a couple of months ago but i barely use it. Tbh i have a blackberry and often cba typing long conversations on it so i dont bother with it. Yet again, i've been asked if i have MSN and when i replied that i barely used it i have been ignored! Oh well!!!

Whats the fascination?
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Divorce?
Posted: 5/22/2012 1:53:59 PM
I'd like to think there was a learning curve involved to explain his behaviour but he has a 9 year old from a previous relationship and lives with his girlfriends 7 and 11 year old sons.

Its hard to try and explain the situation without getting into personal details and i can understand its easy for you to assume i am one of those women that try and make things difficult at every opportunity. Whilst i admit i havent always handled things perfectly, i have taken every avenue available to me to make sure i am doing the right thing. I have sought advice from numerous different people, been to counselling and all round tried to do the best for my child. Watching her struggle when her dad left was heartbreaking and i tried everything to help her. I let him spend time with her in my home after we separated knowing he was taking things without my permission whilst he was there (MY things, not his), took her to see his parents after his mother had an operation and he didnt bother taking her, even though his mother has always been very verbal in her opinion of me (not good at all) amongst other things.

In addition to this, my daughter begs him to spend one on one time with her which he repeatedly refuses. I acknowledge he has a new family and new responsibilities but it isnt much to ask him to spend a couple of hours a month with his youngest given that the other children arent always there when she is.

I really appreciate your opinions, but to all those involved it just appears the ex is going through the motions because his girlfriend has children. There doesnt seem to be any genuine interest in my child.
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Divorce?
Posted: 5/22/2012 1:20:58 PM
Zonked, I would love to try this, but we already did and it didnt work. The mediator even said the impression she was given was that the ex was going through the motions for appearances sake only and didnt intend to act on anything, which is exactly what he has done so far! As previously stated my solicitor has tried to advise my ex on how contact may progress including things as simple as providing the address where my daughter will be staying which has been refused. And as for paying, he refuses to even buy my daughter a hat when he took her out on a picnic which meant he returned her with a 42 degree temperature and heat exhaustion for which he didnt seek medical attention. Even if he had 50% access he wouldnt pay more towards her.
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Divorce?
Posted: 5/22/2012 1:17:14 PM
Msg 16

There are genuine reasons why contact hasnt progressed and my daughters welfare is at the centre of those. My ex has been advised on many occasions on how contact can progress and has consistently ignored and advice given (by solicitor, not me - and contrary to his beliefs my solicitor isnt as one sided as he'd like to believe). We dont have, and havent had a working relationship for the past 18 months. It has taken a very long time for my daughter to adjust to her new situation and gain some of her confidence back and i strive to keep her away from any disagreements. The same cant be said for her father.

Msg 17

I waited so long because i struggled to accept it. Not because i was pining for him, but because i was embarrassed with my situation. Also, i couldnt get divorced straight away as you have to be married a year before you can file for divorce and although we had been together 7 years when he left, we had only been married 8 months.

Msg 18

You hit the nail on the head. My ex works cash in hand at least 2 nights a week for up to £80 a night. I have taken it through the CSA and get maintenance based on his 'legal' job which doesnt cover much at all as he has another child with another woman. I have been with my solicitor more or less since the split but we havent necessarily discussed divorce yet as i wasnt ready to accept it (again, more to do with feeling like a failure than pining for him). My solicitor has tried to encourage it but part of the reason i held of was to try and get on amicable terms with my ex to make it easier. This is clearly not happening!!

I have an appointment with my solicitor tomorrow wich will clear things up! I just wanted to be semi prepared before i go! Lol
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Divorce?
Posted: 5/22/2012 11:14:40 AM
In terms of presenting evidence if the ex argues the grounds i am not 100% sure as i lack evidence - didnt walk in on them or find anything etc. For all other intents and purposes i am confident they had a sexual affair and he has admitted such to me in the past. I don't know if he will admit to this or not in terms of the divorce which is why i have been advised to site unreasonable behaviour based on his adultery.

This is all new to me and given my age, not a common problem amongst my friends. I just want it done as quickly and painlessly as possible.
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Divorce?
Posted: 5/22/2012 11:02:15 AM
Someone elsewhere suggested i dont petition on grounds of adultery but for unreasonable behaviour instead. In terms of 'evidence' i have several phone bills showing how much he made contact with her in the run up to him leaving - including christmas day - but thats all. I have no idea whether he will agree to adultery or not as i'm not 100% sure the affair was sexual (99.9% sure though!!). As a full time student i presume i get full legal aid, as i have been with my solicitor 18 months now and never been billed. Will legal aid cover all the divorce costs?
I have already gone through the CSA for maintenance and get a measly amount due to him not declaring his cash in hand jobs. Would it be possible to make an agreement through the divorce that he contributes to school costs on top of CSA?

Thanks
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Divorce?
Posted: 5/22/2012 8:51:53 AM
As much as they would have you believe it is true, it very rarely is. I know from experience with my ex and his first wife it basically comes down to a mutual agreement. At the moment contact has pretty much remained the same for the 18 months we have separated with contact being dropped on occasion by my ex. He has been vocal since the split that he wants my daughter to stay overnight but for various justified reasons i have not agreed and he hasnt taken it further. I imagine even if he wanted to argue our current arrangement he wouldnt pay for representation to do so, and as the police have been involved and social services alerted of his behaviour he would have a long drawn out process on his hands.

Its taken me a while to get to the point where i feel ready to initiate a divorce and i just want it to be as quick and painless as possible!
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Divorce?
Posted: 5/22/2012 8:39:30 AM
Msg 7

Did you still have to pay the £350 with public assistance?
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Divorce?
Posted: 5/22/2012 8:36:52 AM
It has been an acrimonious separation more or less since the beginning. Well, since i found out what he had been up to, before that he strung me along a bit! I have a solicitor and as a full time student i get support with this. I am pretty sure he will not agree to the child contact arrangements that i plan to set out in the divorce papers which will be what we currently have in place now. Does anyone know what will happen if he doesnt agree to this with him not having a solicitor?

Thanks
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Divorce?
Posted: 5/22/2012 3:55:22 AM
Hey everyone,

I'm not sure whether this is an appropriate thread but i just wanted some advice really. Tomorrow i have an appointment with my solicitor to start divorce proceedings based on my ex husbands adultery. We have been separated 18 months now and have a young daughter. Can anyone advise me on how this is going to go? My ex husband doesnt have a solicitor and has told me before he wont pay for one. I just want a rough idea of how things might play out before i speak to my solicitor so i can be prepared.

Any help would be much appreciated!

Thanks
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 50 (view)
 
My son/daughter will always come first.
Posted: 5/21/2012 8:37:55 AM
^^^^ Well said!!
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 45 (view)
 
My son/daughter will always come first.
Posted: 5/21/2012 6:57:49 AM
These kind of situations with exes intrigue me! I can stand mine. He doesnt come in my house. He stays at the door whilst my daughter gets ready and off they go, same when he comes back. I've never really met anyone who has a good relationship with an ex. I know it can be better for the kids but it can also be confusing. My daughter knows that me and daddy dont really like each other (he's very verbal in his opinions of me - charming!) and she's not fussed about the arrangements. If i were to be in a new relationship it would have absolutely nothing to do with my ex whatsoever. The only circumstances where the 2 would meet would be quite far into a relationship where there are situations where my daughter has both me and her dad at an event (only ones i can think of is church related things with school, all other school stuff he's not interested in) or on the occasion a new partner might open my door to him (like i said, well into the relationship!!). My ex was never formally introduced to his first ex-wifes new fella who she went on to marry and is step father to his eldest. The only reason i met my exes new gf is because me and my daughter already knew her very well when she started her affair with the ex, suffice to say i havent laid eyes on her since they made it official and have no desire too!! Have you come across these situations where exes are so heavily involved?? Like i said, some people believe it may benefit the children and maybe in the very long run i may be a little more than civil with my ex, but my daughter doesnt need us to do 'family dates' and confuse her further! Its very odd!!
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Things that should not be posted as a status on Facebook?
Posted: 5/21/2012 5:37:55 AM
I noticed the cover picture privacy - or lack of - quite quickly and it is now set to something very bland. However, my profile is super private and you wont find me if you search for me. An approach i took due to my career! I use mine for really mundane boring stuff that i cant imagine makes it worth being my friend! I do have lots of pics of my daughter on there - again, super private - but thats more for family who have moved away and dont get to see her much.

IMO its the constant posts about everyday life that get old really fast, or the really personal posts about things that you wouldnt even discuss with your family. One of my recent updates reads 'really do not understand people who write ridiculously personal stuff all over the internet and then continuously post links to them!! Invest in a journal ffs, nobody cares!!!!' which i think sums up my opinion on that! Lol
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 42 (view)
 
My son/daughter will always come first.
Posted: 5/21/2012 5:10:48 AM
This is actually quite an interesting topic and not something i imagine most of us single parents have considered. My profile states 'I have a little girl who means the world to me.' For me, this was my way of letting people know I have a daughter who lives with me and is important. Reading through some replies has certainly opened my eyes to peoples views on single parents. My daughter is only 5 and went through an extremely traumatic time when her dad left the home. For me this has left a huge impact on my approach to dating in terms of how it will impact her. For the past 18 months it has just been the two of us at home and we've had a fab time and i've been happy to spend this time making sure she's happy. If a man comes into the equation i think we're both at a point where we would be happy to accept it. However it is my opinion that as a parent my child doesnt need to be introduced to every relationship i enter into and i plan to keep my relationships separate until the time is right. This would be as much for my daughter as a new relationship. My last relationship was all about my daughter as it was with her dad and we lost who we were as individuals along the way and i dont want that to happen again.

I think the whole single parent dating is difficult to explain. Yes my daughter is my top priority but in order to make sure i'm the best mum i can be sometimes it has to be about me too. Some single parents have that balance sorted and shouldnt be avoided just because they have children.

Also, please consider how difficult it can be to date as a single parent. Anyone could be a potential threat to your child, we read about it in the papers everyday. It certainly makes things a bit more complicated sometimes!!!
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Men and women living apart.
Posted: 5/16/2012 1:42:43 PM
I think it certainly has the potential to make a relationship 'easier'.

I used to have a friend who met and eventually married someone who lived in London. (We're in Manchester) Whenever me and another friend used to whine about our relationships she would always be so smug about how she and her fella never argued etc. Obviously we got annoyed as we'd been in our relationships a lot longer and obviously lived with our respective spouses so felt she couldnt really compare. Fast forward a few years, they moved in together and it didnt last long at all.

My personal opinion is that i would want to live with someone. I have done in the past and would want that kind of relationship again. Its the little things like snuggling down in bed together at the end of the day or waking up to them, just the little things you share with someone when you are with them. Saying that its been a while since i chose to have that kind of relationship and i imagine adjusting to living with someone new would be difficult!
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Do you think your setting your sights at a reasonable level?
Posted: 5/11/2012 11:03:16 AM
Thanks for your opinions!

I've been told by friends before now that i should lower my 'standards' but i'm happy to carry on the way i am. I'm not desperate for a man and quite content to be on my own so not going to jump on every guy that gets in touch! Looks arent top priority but like i said before, there has to be some attraction (i'm not talking movie star looks btw!). I've made a few friends through dates that didnt work and think thats the best way to go!

I do think its interesting how men and women have different takes on things though. And for the record in regards to Yorks_Nick, i think men can be more demanding than women on what they are looking for and certainly can be more derogatory in expressing their views! I guess whats good for the goose is good for the gander!!!
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Do you think your setting your sights at a reasonable level?
Posted: 5/11/2012 10:14:12 AM
Basically exactly what the subject suggests: do you think you set your sights at a reasonable level?

I ask this because my ex brother in-law would always go after the typical blonde, big breasted attractive woman and we always joked we thought he was setting his sights way too high and was being unrealistic.

However, after being on here a while i cant help wonder if i do the same! Most of the guys who message me i dont find physically attractive whereas the guys i message who i do, usually dont reply.

I know looks arent the be all and end all but i personally think there has to be some degree of physical attraction.

Anyone else wonder about this?
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Longest Relationship
Posted: 5/11/2012 10:08:59 AM
I have picked up on this before a few times. I'm 26 and my longest relationship was 7 years. I dont expect everyone my age to have had LTR's but seeing 1 year or less does make me question it a bit. Although on the other hand, it could be construed as having fun playing the field and getting ready to settle down? My ex went from one marriage at 18, into another (with me) and then onto yet another LTR with the last one overlapping. I was always concerned that as he had been in LTR's since he was 17/18 he would feel like he missed out on the single life. I guess he missed out on something if he cant stick with one woman, so maybe seeing '1 year' isnt always negative?
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 30 (view)
 
How persistent are you?
Posted: 5/11/2012 1:48:56 AM
I very rarely send the first message. On occasions when i have done i've had one or two nasty replies so i basically gave up! However, on the occasions i did i would only send one message. I figured no reply meant not interested. I dont think i've ever had a 'no thanks' response, i just tend to get ignored! What kind of polite 'no thanks' messages are people sending? Unfortunately i am one of those people that just ignore myself! I think i'd rather be ignored than have a harsh reply so i do the same (not that i send harsh replies) but i do get the occasional persistent messagers that i feel would benefit from a polite not interested reply! Any suggestions?
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Have you ever called someone the wrong name?
Posted: 5/10/2012 1:56:25 PM
I've called my ex by the name of a character in a soap whilst in bed before now! Safe to say it clearly wasnt that passionate and my mind wandered onto emmerdale......!! He didnt notice though!
 joanne85
Joined: 1/6/2011
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Dating with kids.
Posted: 5/10/2012 4:24:21 AM
I think this is a really hard situation. When my ex started seeing his new girlfriend i made him keep her away from my daughter for 6 months. Before all the negative comments comes, the new 'girlfriend' was my daughters nursery nurse and had been having a relationship with my 'husband' virtually from the moment my daughter left the nursery which was several months before he left me. My ex moved from my house 2 days after christmas into her house, 8 short months after this woman had attended my wedding. If it was down to me she wouldnt be involved in my daughters life full stop as i struggle to understand how someone can care for a child up to 9 hours a day for 2 years and then be 50% responsible for breaking up her family. In addition to this my daughter was 4 at the time and really struggling to some to terms with her dad leaving and a mediator confirmed he should wait 6 months to introduce this woman to her. However, the mediator said this would be the case for me too and up until recently i completely agreed. I would want to at least have a good idea of whether the relationship would last a considerable amount of time before involving kids. However, when she see's her dad once a week its easier to ask him to wait 6 months, which translated as only 26 days really. In my case as a full time single parent 6 months is 6 whole months. I guess what i am trying to say is its up to you as to when it feels right. Like you i have very little babysitter opportunities and i dont in any way begrudge that, but as others have said a new relationship needs time and i would want a new partner to be equal in my life. For me i wont be putting a time frame on it. If i meet someone who ticks all the boxes and i feel there is a future i will judge when it feels right, and i guess thats all we can do!
 
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