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 Author Thread: Turning down the bed, and whoever was in it
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Turning down the bed, and whoever was in it
Posted: 12/15/2018 9:37:00 AM

Generally speaking, if I get turned down when I desire sex with a particular man, after having expressed that desire, it erodes any bond we might be making. If I'm in a LTR relationship, there better be a good reason for turning me down, other wise I figure the whole thing is going sideways somehow and time to contemplate Plan B.




I agree......if I get turned down.......I don't kick up a fight or turn into a b*tch......I just don't interact with them anymore and "fade into the background". I don't say a word about it......I try to stay classy, calm, and cool, although being rejected in that way DOES hurt....


Wow....that's a bit rough....but proves my point I made earlier.
Women take it personally...

Occassionally turned down isn't a problem for me.....I don't expect my guy to be automatically "in the mood" everytime I am...
and vise versa....
Repeated turn downs....will turn into a problem for me.
If he refuses to discuss the issue....bigger problem.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 146 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/14/2018 8:26:08 PM

Yes, I roll my eyes any time someone claims enjoyable sex is a "gift from God".


roll away....
thing is....neither of us will truly know the right answer till we die!!
You chose to not believe....I chose to believe....
simple as that.

as for this "knowing who your competition is" stuff....
I have to laugh.....because none of the men I have been in relationships with resemble each other.
They range from extremely tall to extremely short....blond, red headed, head full of black hair, very little hair to grey hair...extremely good looking to only good looking to me....highly educated to high school drop outs...rich, comfortable and barely making ends meet.
And everyone of them were in "my" league....because I don't judge a man out what league someone else puts them in.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/12/2018 6:44:25 PM
Beautiful poem Penny...
and exactly my sentiments.

OP - my parents had a passionate, loving relationship till the day my Mom passed.
But they still weren't greedy with each others time....they allowed each other to
have individual lives....and when they were together...even as young children we seen the sparks flying.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
When a couple feels bait & switched but really only one was.
Posted: 12/8/2018 6:12:28 PM
Just as I said in your other thread...
peeps need to quit spending every waking second with a new partner because it's impossible to keep it up...

Personally....I would find a man that wants to spend every second of his free time with me as needy and clingy...
I would wonder if he had any friends and why he doesn't want to spend time with them occassionally and make me think
this would be my future if I stayed with him.
I like my "girlfriends" time and my "me" time....so I have no desire to have a man that is going to whine when I want to hang with them now and then instead of him.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/7/2018 6:15:02 PM
My mother taught me it was the 3 B's..
Beer -- Beef & Blowjobs!!
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 109 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/6/2018 2:49:33 PM

its a smart question, and since i'm typing this from a public library, i'm not sure i can do links to such a subject. but google "why do women orgasm" and you'll find scientific articles on it. there's a bit more theory than fact, but hey, men have always had a hard time proving why women do what they do :)

(just kidding, but its interesting to know, if one wonders what drives humans)


well....to be honest....it wasn't so much a real question as it was a point!!
The point.....pretty sure our Creator knew what he was doing when he made it possible for sex to be enjoyable for both sexes....
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
What are things you see in dating profiles that will make you sadly skip past them?
Posted: 12/6/2018 3:17:39 AM

Examples:
guy posing in front of a high end car or truck(douche bag who thinks he can buy you).
every other photo in an exotic location(she reeeeeaaaaalllyy likes to travel and I can't afford that even dutch)
every other photo is in a bar downing shots?.


maybe it's just a perception...
Guy posing in front of a high end car or truck = I have a good job and am stable in my life
Exotic locations = I work hard and play hard and am looking to share the fun things in life with someone
Photos in bars = I have a social life and don't spend all my spare time at home in front of the TV or computer -

You look for negative....you will find it.
You take the time to get to know someone - you might find love.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/6/2018 3:07:05 AM
So... how's that "it worked for me when I was a teenager" thing working out for you now?
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
What are things you see in dating profiles that will make you sadly skip past them?
Posted: 12/5/2018 6:30:36 PM
Sure is a lot of assumptions going on based on some photos...

me thinks this on line dating thing has made people forget how to get to know someone with some good old fashioned conversation instead of judging in the one minute it takes to read a profile....
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Would relationships be better if the honeymoon hormones never went away?
Posted: 12/5/2018 5:49:01 PM
and that is why most relationships fail....
Reality is we are busy people...and keeping up with that every night schedule is impossible in the long run....

The smart thing to do.....resist the urge to spend every frikken waking second with a new partner....
if you allow yourselves some time to actually miss each other .... then your time together will be more special...
and you won't have false hopes of how a real relationship between adults with actual lives will really be
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Turning someone down for sex
Posted: 12/5/2018 5:44:00 PM
for women...we have been trained to believe a man will have sex at each and every opportunity...
so if a man turns them down...they take it personally.
Women overthink....and in doing so....will make themselves believe the man suddenly doesn't desire her anymore.
Then the "hurt" turns to "anger" in a self defense mechanism.
Is it logical....nope...
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 102 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/5/2018 5:38:04 PM

just to propigate the species, which it was designed for


not to pick on just you for saying this....as I have seen it posted numerous times....
and I always wonder the same thing...
If sex was designed just for creating more lives....
why are women built to have an orgasm?....it isn't necessary to the creation process.

As for needing sex to survive.....no it's not needed....
but for emotionaly health.....sex/intimacy is important to most people.
The problem....too many people make bad choices just to get it....and in the long run the sex benefits don't outweigh the damage they do to their emotional health with the heartache or guilt they get in exchange for a few fleeting hours of pleasure.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 90 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 8:08:09 PM
NO....nothing to do with age for me....
and everything to do with a heavy influence from parents that taught me what real self worth is.

I "got it" early in life....because I had great examples not only in my parents...but in the people I chose to surround myself with.
And people that I chose to not be around anymore because their identity was too tied to other's peoples opinions...
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 22 (view)
 
How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 7:59:01 PM

Where is the "we" and "our" in separate bank accounts? If it's treated as "our" money, should both people be able to see each other's bank statements, and see where "our" money is going?


well of course....that's where the "honesty" part comes in...
not that hard of a concept to understand...
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 85 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 12/4/2018 4:11:10 PM

We all let other people determine our self-worth. Be it your mother or father or brother or friend or husband or wife or child. People who think they are free of caring how other people feel about them are full of shite. Many lonely people are full of self-loathing and to cope, they start loathing other people. Those people become hermits.


Once again...you are projecting your own feelings onto others.
I don't give a damn who it is....their opinion of me....doesn't change MY opinion of me.
Their opinion of me is nothing more than a perception of their own choosing...
it doesn't make it a fact...and it sure doesn't change who I know I am.

Just like on here....you only know what I allow you to know about me...
so your perception of "who I am"....is based on bits and pieces of information.
Why should I let that affect how I feel about myself?
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
How to Know If Your Partner Is Financially ‘Cheating’ in Your Relationship
Posted: 12/4/2018 4:02:13 PM
^^ In a real relationship....the goal is to save for "we" things....not "me" things.
Nothing wrong with having seperate accounts....as long as their is honesty about what is being spent...
and there is mutual agreements to what should be put up for "our" future.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 32 (view)
 
If looks do matter.
Posted: 11/30/2018 5:49:05 PM

Here's to hoping you learned something about yourself from this. Maybe you could use the lesson to help make better choices for yourself in the future.


Obviously not....with comments like this....

I will miss him a lot. I am just grateful that a guy like him ever paid me so much attention.

it proves she hasn't learned a thing!
Grateful for a man that was out porking everything available the whole time he was sleeping with her....
Grateful for a man that didn't respect her enough to even take her out for a $1 burger....

Shakes head and wonders why the hell we are even trying to give the girl some advise....
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 452 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/28/2018 7:00:01 AM

Ms.Micki not everyone chooses to be harsh due to other influences which can affect their behavior.

Still a choice on whether or not to hit that "post" button...
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 434 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/27/2018 4:15:48 AM

My apologies for my post being so harsh but it seems to be the only way I can write these days

No....it's not....you CHOSE to be "harsh".
This post proves you are fully capable of the opposite.
and remember, July starts these threads....so she is fully aware that she will be told the truth whether she wants to hear it or not.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 432 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/26/2018 7:00:54 PM

Ms. Micki, did he have a mental illness that was suddenly triggered by the job loss? Sometimes suddenly a person's personality changes when a certain hormone spikes in the brain, activating a genetic predisposition for a particular mental illness


Not that I know of.
Always seemed to be "booze related". His new wife says he's a changed man since he quit drinking.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 428 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/26/2018 5:09:43 PM

And of course, the big reason women end up with jerks is the attraction to the bad boy

You keep throwing this comment around....
Not all women are attracted to bad boys....
Not all bad boys are jerks....
and most definitely not all jerks are "bad boys".

I married a college educated man with a great job.
He rarely drank, smoked a little weed now and then and so did I...
Never been arrested and was raising his two sons along with his ex-wife whom he got along great with.
Treated me with respect and compassion....until the day he got laid off from his job and went back to work for his farmer father.
He suddenly became angry at the world....and I got to take the brunt of it.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Fun things to do on first major holiday break with boyfriend?
Posted: 11/25/2018 5:30:57 PM
Nope....not jealous...

I get far more pleasure from actually earning my way through life and all the benefits of working my azz off gets me!
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 420 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/25/2018 5:28:17 PM

the only man she ever met who became nicer when he drank.

I can relate....
I become overly "friendly" if I drink too much! LOL
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Be honest, how long did you know the last person you had sex with?
Posted: 11/25/2018 4:12:54 PM
I knew him for a little over 6 years as a friend...

When Bart passed away....he started coming around and making me get out of the house...
got me to start playing in pool tournaments again...and slowly brought me back to life.
After about 4 months, he asked if we could go on an "official date"...2 weeks later we had sex.
and are still dating and having sex 3 1/2 years later!!
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 21 (view)
 
What is the latest name-calling Buzz Word you have heard?
Posted: 11/25/2018 3:55:56 PM
^^
and could have been summed up with "My ex was an azzhole!"
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 412 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/25/2018 10:14:02 AM

I was raised with a religious background and I think that has something to do with it

Nope....I was raised in a very religious background....still never thought it was a good idea to try to mold a man into what I percieved to be my perfect partner.


Just curious, how many of you went through high school and university without a boyfriend or girlfriend? I did, and it left me wondering what the hell was so wrong with me that no one decent wanted to be with me. I finally came to the conclusion that I just wasn't able to find a decent guy so I would have to give a guy who wasn't decent a chance. How many girls have thought they could turn a bad boy good? As a younger woman that was me.

Once again....this is a problem you made up all in your head.
You took 1 or 2 instances from your early years and turned them into "that's the way it is".
You have really got to quit judging men based on high school boys actions.
You really are your own worst enemy because you not only live in the past....you live in a fantasy world every time you talk to a guy.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 27 (view)
 
choosing-between casual dating and intimate monogamy
Posted: 11/25/2018 4:49:41 AM

I've heard the staying power of older guys is not good.

Pfffft! Not my experience at all!!


a monogamous FWB " that is a girlfriend. That is not an FWB

Well it sure can be a monogamous FWB.....did it for many years myself.
We had no desire to be in a relationship....and no desire to be sexual with "just anyone".
We were (and still are) true friends....who got together for intimacy/sex every now and then.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 403 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/25/2018 4:37:36 AM
^^ Never understood that concept personally....

If I don't like "who" a man is to start with....I'm not going to get into a relationship with him.
Why would anyong become involved with someone that needs "fixed" into being their perfect partner???
Men aren't puppies to be trained to act a certain way!
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 401 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/24/2018 4:16:31 PM

I find it to be sad and disappointing that so many women make the choices that put them through those kind of experiences, rather than more positive choices to begin with.


Some of us women made what we thought were positive choices....
I dated my husband for 6 months, then lived with him for over a year before I married him.
Not once in that time did he show one sign of being a violent man....
He got laid off from his job, started drinking heavily (which he had never done before) and I found out real quick whiskey made him a mean...mean man.
I was smart enough (even at a very young age) to not stick around for long once it started... even when he told me repeatedly he would kill me if I left. (which is why I left the way I did...)
It is too easy for those that have never lived through it....to judge those that have.
You don't know their story....so hold your judgements to yourself.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 393 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/21/2018 2:35:16 PM
^^ Yeah...I got quite the kick out of watching him thank himself for all the hard work he put in, etc!!
Classic!!
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Fun things to do on first major holiday break with boyfriend?
Posted: 11/21/2018 4:40:34 AM

I agree ^^^ unless the environment is absolutely toxic


+1

and according to her....it is.

Unless, of course, it is just more attention seeking garbage....
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 381 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/20/2018 7:53:20 PM

We can picture an old, fat woman with a chip on her shoulder tormenting fast food workers. They call that self respect. We call it obnoxious.

Just who is it that thinks that is "self respect"???

Me thinks you have gotten yourself into a tizzy over something personal the rest of us "don't get"....
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 375 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/20/2018 6:22:40 PM
Someone's true colors just came shining through!

still waiting on a reasonable explanation for the comment about women respecting themselves...........
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Fun things to do on first major holiday break with boyfriend?
Posted: 11/20/2018 6:12:25 PM

We are moving out either Jan or the end of next year



I couldn't live on my own due to disability and couldn't afford to live on my own.


Which is it?
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 372 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/20/2018 4:45:12 PM

Disagree. That would make matters worse. There is nothing more tedious or unlikable than a woman that goes around respecting herself.


WTF is that suppose to mean?
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Fun things to do on first major holiday break with boyfriend?
Posted: 11/20/2018 5:35:32 AM
What have your disabilities got to do with it?
Seems they are a convienent way to have an excuse for not being a responsible adult and prepare for your future.

YOU are the one that comes in these forums and moans about her family life....
so YOU are the one that gets to hear how it would be "practical" (Thanks Penny!) to spend your money more wisely.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Fun things to do on first major holiday break with boyfriend?
Posted: 11/19/2018 4:17:40 AM
<<< wonders how someone that lives at home with their parents and doesn't work can afford to do all these things?!!!

Instead of blowing all that money....how about get your own place and get out of the environment you complain so much about
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 59 (view)
 
What would you expect from a partner?
Posted: 11/19/2018 4:15:12 AM

...polynomial, quadratic equation, A squared plus B squared equals C squared~
(Sigh)


Oooh girl....don't get me all excited....I might have to take your for coffee!!
My first crush was my Geometry teacher...and just about every math teacher afterwards too!

Linear, Radical, Slope Intercept Form...sigh....
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 358 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/19/2018 4:02:03 AM
I was also younger than July when this occurred....
the gruesome details are not the point....

the point.....is one should take the time to heal themselves before moving forward with another man.
July has not done this.
She is hoping a man fixes all her problems for her...
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 353 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 6:37:43 PM
Thanks 2UFO and Backcreek....
my story is not much different than a lot of women's stories...
as I have tried to tell July....

I chose to not let those days define me...
I chose, instead of being a victim....to be a survivor.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 349 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 11:42:45 AM

Let's hear your story. Maybe July will learn something from it. What do you think? Put up or shut up?


Looking for gruesome details are ya?

You want the part where he beat my unborn child out of me?
You want the part where I stayed out in a cornfield all night hiding?
You want the part where I left in a Tshirt and a pair of panties in an old truck with 4 sliced tires and drove 20 miles on rims to my parents house just to get away?
or do You want the part where I never looked back.... worked 2 jobs.....went to abuse counseling....became an abuse counselor...fixed my choices in men....bought and paid for my own house, learned how to build my own decks and back porches, trim my own trees, change the oil in my car, put myself through college so I'd never have to be "dependant" on a man but instead chosing to be in an equal partnership with a man....and lived a very happy, content life?

That good enough for this 55 year old woman that has lived a little t0 offer up some advise?
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 337 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 8:29:04 AM
Once again ....justifications and excuses instead of admitting you need help working through your problems...

and....once again....your stories aren't much different than a lot of women's stories....
Hell....my story makes yours look like a Cinderalla story....

The difference....I chose to not let the actions of one or two men or just having one in my life dictate my happiness.

and pardon me....but sleeping with a stranger is not a "baby step" action....it's a jump right in the fire action!!
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Spam and prostitution
Posted: 11/18/2018 6:50:33 AM
I'm curious...
these girls you are messaging and they ask for CC...
are you messaging women based on their oh so sexy image....
or are you actually messaging women that look like your average human being?
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Photos of ladies
Posted: 11/18/2018 4:49:38 AM
What really annoys me is people that complain about pets in photos that have a pet in their photos!!

I'd rather date their dog....
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 332 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/18/2018 4:45:38 AM
Backcreek....
the mud is completely frozen.....so I have a little spot in the house for ya....you'll just have to snuggle up with the cat and dog around the fire till Spring. And come Spring....you are welcome to each and every Japanese Beetle ....and would appreciate if you would eat those suckers before they eat up my gardens!!

John....
You are so right....if being miserable and unhappy is the norm for someone....a partner cannot fix that.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 328 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/17/2018 6:18:15 PM

I agree with you Texas. Anyone who claims they're completely fine being alone.....they'd be hard-pressed to convince me that if they met someone who was into them & the feeling was completely mutual...they'd forfeit the chance of being with that person in favor of being alone? I call BS.{/quote]

When people say they are fine being alone.....they mean that the desire to have a mate doesn't consume them in the way it does Ms July.
They are content....they don't feel the need to chase love....they don't go crazy searching and researching every aspect of dating.
They are completely at peace with coming home and spending time alone....and don't need a partner to validate who they are as a person.
That doesn't mean that they wouldn't be happy finding love again...it just means if it doesn't happen....it will not affect their happiness.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 317 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/17/2018 5:03:33 AM
No one is saying she doesn't deserve to in a happy, loving relationship.....

What we are saying is she is putting the cart before the horse....

To start with.....how long has she actually been single? Less than a year?
She took no time to heal.....just jumped right in looking for her next "validation I'm a woman" hunt for a man.
She acts like it's been years since she was intimate with a man..and uses the "I don't want to be lonely" excuse repeatedly.
Hell.....she hasn't had time to get lonely!! Previous ex-boyfriend, guy she met here and had sex with on first date and then complained about and now the FWB.

Whether you get it or not.....we are trying to prepare her for a loving, functional relationship with a MAN. Because the path she is on, the excuses she makes for herself are all adding up to repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 314 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/16/2018 8:12:46 PM
Seriously.....you act like you are the only one that has "life" to deal with....
Welcome to Adulthood....& Motherhood!!
Might wanna hang on....you've got a lot more years of it to deal with!!

and once again.....the deflection to the real issue here....
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 121 (view)
 
How men mathematically sleep with more people than women
Posted: 11/16/2018 4:51:05 PM

THEY did not "finish" so it doesn't count.


That outta knock us women folks numbers down a bit then! LOL
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 307 (view)
 
A man's actions are the key variable that determines whether a relationship survives or fails
Posted: 11/16/2018 9:53:37 AM

and I don't want to just stay celibate and alone for the next year or two till I'm in a better place.


and that dependency is what will keep you making the same mistakes over and over again...

for someone who thinks she has self analyzed herself so well...you don't know crap about yourself.

I will never understand how someone can think that an hour of sexual pleasure/intimacy is more important than bettering themselves for a better future for them and their children.

You have done nothing since your divorce but look for your next partner. It is your main focus.
Not one person believes you didn't go into this FWB hoping it would turn into more....
and not one person thinks you won't do it again at the next opportunity...

We have been telling you for months and months.....You need to fix YOU before you will every be in a normal, happy, loving relationship.
 
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