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 Author Thread: Do ya wanna be in my gang?
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Do ya wanna be in my gang?
Posted: 6/6/2012 2:02:10 PM
I wish i could share pictures on this forum, and amusing quotes and jokes that the other members could appreciate. No****shots of course.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Do ya wanna be in my gang?
Posted: 6/6/2012 12:45:40 PM
Being one of the cool kids is .......erm cool :)
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Do women actually WANT a nice guy, or do they just say they do?
Posted: 6/6/2012 10:43:17 AM
Men want a lady out of the bedroom and a whore in it.

Women want a nice guy out of the bedroom and someone who isnt boring in it.

/meerkat voice *simples*
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Musical guilty pleasures
Posted: 5/26/2012 5:42:43 AM
tough one i have a few that i feel guilty about

Phantom of the Opera is one.... but not sure i should feel guilty about that one,

Leonard Cohen i think.... thats not cheesy either though,


oooh got it Dido :) .... and Human league.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 140 (view)
 
Height Filter
Posted: 5/26/2012 5:38:58 AM
Just for once i would love to kiss someone who is my height or close to it. nearest i have been was 5'10, and still not quite there.

I would love to date a 6' woman to see what its like, of course thats unrealistic but one can dream.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 133 (view)
 
Height Filter
Posted: 5/25/2012 5:31:30 AM

A guy should be able to lift his partner? WTF? Get a forklift!


I value the health of my back far too much for that rubbish.... i mean we get a hard time for being shallow about womens sizes then are expected to lift them up!

Seriously? im a big fella and ive dated a few that i wouldnt be lifing up for all the sex in the world.

WTF are they teaching in Sociology these days?
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 131 (view)
 
Height Filter
Posted: 5/25/2012 4:35:29 AM
I must not make a posting about the 3 types of women i have met in my life!

its interesting that a sociologist would promote discrimination, and even more so subscribe to gross generalisations.

Maybe we should all make sociology degree holders undateable as its the only one you cant fail!
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Criminals and a new start??
Posted: 5/24/2012 5:06:38 PM
He was playing for my team at the time, and was well known locally, everyone agreed that he deserved his punishment etc that is not up for debate.

I think it really depends on what he does next, if he gets a second chance then i would like to think that he will use this for a higher pupose than a footballers life.
He was very talented and was touted as a future england player and was watched by some very big teams, his talent is without question as the opportunity for him to focus this talent ina positive way and using his expereince to raise awareness of this crucial issue, and raise considerable funds for worthy causes in this area.

If he can do this and dedicate his life to it, then i think he can redeem himself and should be given the chance to do this. On the other hand if he fails to do this then i think he deserves every ounce of scorn that comes his way and i hope his conscience gets the better of him. Death of others is not an easy thing to live with.

Of course opinions that he should suffer much more for his actions are valid and i would expect the victims family and friends to disagree with me here, but there is a real opportunity to turn a negative into a positive and that should be explored.

Even sex offenders get a second chance at life, should comparitve morality get in the way of a change for the higher good?
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Gut instinct
Posted: 5/24/2012 7:20:09 AM
Every single time i have ignored my gut instinct i have lived to regret it.
the times when i have regretted listening to it, it turns out for the best later on. Or that hindsight flavored with rose tinted glasses?

The times i let me head rule my heart i also deeply regretted it.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Looking for a normal guy?? No Players?? Advice please.....
Posted: 5/24/2012 2:23:24 AM
For me we are entitled to meet and message as many people as we like from here. I dont even consider a successful first date a done deal. I find when the relationship gets intimate, then thats a good time to discuss dating others etc. I have no interest in shagging more than one person at a time, in fact ill stop arranging dates when going beyond a first date is agreed. But i dont necessarily expect others to agree.

I do have girls from here that are friends only, for example i have a theatre buddy, and thats what we do, we watch a play and have the occasional afternoon piss up. There is and never will be more than that, so where do you draw the line?

The only sure way of avoiding a player, or not becomming one is to talk to them about exclusivity early on. And there really is no certain way of knowing when to do except when it feels right.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Getting back into the groove
Posted: 5/23/2012 4:25:12 PM
Getting into the groove sounds a lot like a 'G' string :)
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 62 (view)
 
My son/daughter will always come first.
Posted: 5/23/2012 9:14:20 AM
@ msg 117

Well according to forum consensus men dont read the profiles, so its a way of highlighting the fact they have kids :)))))

I have kids but i dont mention them on my profile as frankly i dont see what they have to do with me dating. Kids arent the only reason dates get cancelled, would we consider someone undateable as they have a demanding job? As these types of jobs are usually well paid i cant imagine why that wouldnt be an issue. ( until after they have married ive noticed, when the job apparently comes first)

And taking this a step further, what about people that care for their parents? are they undateable too.

I agree with you overall, i dont see a red flag over it but to be honest i really dont see kids as a decding factor on dating someone or not. Sooner or later there will be no kids....thats the part of a potential partner i keep an eye on.

I used to consider women that had no kids as a no go area, but now mine are older and rarely a factor in my life any more than other relatives are then i have had a rethink on it.

So yes sparkles i agree with you or where does the expectation end? an endless list of all family and acquaintances that may just take some of your time away from me?

Thats pathetic in my opinion.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 61 (view)
 
My son/daughter will always come first.
Posted: 5/23/2012 8:41:09 AM
It depends on how you read 'the kids always come first.'

Now for some you can take that literally, and yes you will be in a relationship where you will NEVER come first. In which case you will be able to spot it early on, you have a choice of staying or going. On the other hand it could be read in the spirit most would write it.

I would actually take it to mean 'please be understanding, that if my kids need me or are ill or any of the plethora of reasons that families mess up our life, then we may have to change plans.

I think its aimed at those that have never had kids, if you are going to feel bad about a date cancelling or changing because a child is ill or they cant get a baby sitter then you have no business dating a parent at all.

Personally if our evening out was cancelled due to a sick child then i would offer a take away, bottle of wine, DVD and some calpol for the kid as an alternative.

Reading between the lines what they are really saying is : 'Make me choose between my children and you, you will loose!'
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 103 (view)
 
Strong Independent Women
Posted: 5/21/2012 6:41:51 AM
I have no idea what a strong independent woman actually means. Its a perception thing isnt it? i mean strong in what context, independent in what way? (rhetorical question). They could mean you are going to out wrestle me and be emotionally cold.

Dont get me wrong i do understand the context they are used in, on this site and dating in general, but all i see is yet another label. I get it that we have to describe ourselves somehow, or that we are trying to say we are not needy etc, just for me i try to look past generalised statements like this. When we meet i can form my own opinion how relevant these qualities really are. .

More telling are the non/requirements people state for others and trying to see if they are using self reflection on the negative ones. For example those that make a big issue about others photos often when you pay closer scrutiny show cause for concern in their own regarding age etc.

I have no idea where i am going with this, but i know i like a strong independent woman as much as the next guy, and certainly one that is not afraid to tell me im wrong.... i need that at times and i repsect it. But also, just sometimes its nice to know that we are all vulnerable in certain areas too, makes us more human. Yup thats it..... these profiles and lables are so de-humanising and cookie cutter at times it seems there is no individuality. The bottom line is, at the end of the day the words are irrelevent, the picture is irrelevent after you have dated a while and the rlationship takes form then the profile is disregarded as we all know that a new person in out lives drags new aspects out of ourselves.

The more i think about it, the more meaningless all this really is.

Crikey, that was tough to put into words!
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 39 (view)
 
My son/daughter will always come first.
Posted: 5/21/2012 2:40:24 AM
I dont think this is one of those things that need stating, its as obvious as, that there are logical steps to getting to a long term relationship.

I am very reluctant to date women that have never had kids, especially in their 40's, as their life experience and priority system will be completely different than mine. They say they understand etc, but they just dont, and i find myself being jealous of their fabulous life of expensive holidays and cars, and in equal measure pity them never having had the feeling of your own child having unlimited love for you, and its returned, plus the responsibility of them putting their whole life your hands. Comparitive emotional maturity are on different levels. Maybe now i am on my own again i could consider this as my requirements are different as are my responsibilities.

On the flip side i have dated women with kids, and been dumped on a whim of a jealous teenager, and that little darling of course was a perfect saint, there are nightmares and minefields on both sides of the coin, we cannot make demands of other people and how they live their life and their relationships with their family. We can only hope we can fit in with them and vise versa.

How many women are faced with the constant possibility of being used as a meal ticket and means of delaying mortgage repossession as they cant afford it and bit off more than they can chew? or gained a house they cannot afford through a divorce?
Fortunately these days women are more empowered than that as whole, but never the less i am sure more than a few guys here will tell you that it still happens.

For me, like many i look to see what time they have for me, and i make an assessment on whether or not i could be a part of their life, or relegated to accessory, or fatally a meal ticket. I have experienced all 3, and unless i am going to be able to integrate fully over a perioid of time then it is not going to work. The trouble is, time is required to figure this one out properly. and often living in as well..... i could have saved myself many years of toxic relationships if i had moved in sooner hahahaha (wrong thread oops!)

If i see profiles that say:

Kids are old enough to do their own thing, now its a bit of ME time,

or

I have given my life to my family, and its time to start thinking about my own

or

Kids are leaving the nest, i have no wish to grow old alone


Then they are positive signs of an intent to include me in thier lives, I have no problem with family comming first when they are in need, but when they take the piss, because the woman has been controlled on all levels and knows nothing better then i cannot help but try to get her to empower herself. The family of controllers of course will react to this threat to their authority.

So its a given that that kids come first, but when they are used as an excuse to not deal with own shit, or are allowed to influence my own choices and freedom, i will draw the line. Equally i have no wish to be in a relationship with someone that treats me as a second class citizen, or tells me that i should tell the kids off if i see them doing something wrong ( im talking stealing, smoking serious stuff) and then undermines me at every turn.

Oh i was a single dad of 2 boys for 5 years, i know how to exist as a single parent and juggle family, life and living. Just getting it out there before some bleeding heart tells me i dont know what its like. Or women get it tougher etc, no they dont its exactly the same..... ever tried getting a date as a real single parent and a male? (not the weekend warrior type)? if i had a pound for everytime i heard oh but between your kids and mine we'd never see eachother! There are a plethora of support networks for women, but for men? .... my only support network was that my employer re drafted me so i could go home every night!

All above is my truth and experience think of it what you will.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 98 (view)
 
What messages gets you to answer them
Posted: 5/20/2012 4:19:52 AM
heres mine :


Thanks so much for your message
But I have no wish to waste your time
your profile is somewhat lacking
so I really must decline.


The top down deep cleavage shot
only serves to hide the extra chin-o
and that pouty duck-face look
would put me off my cappuccino

you admit to getting your age all wrong
when you signed up to the site
but your honesty is in question
as your degree says you're quite bright

you demand 'normal' and sense of humour
You ask for reliable and honest
But you cant be bothered to reply to a message
as your spare time is far to modest

But you say you want to date me
But your profile says you dont have the time
you are at the gym when not working
without me your life seems just fine

you have a long list of requirements
that means that when we date
it would feel like an interview
instead of accepting fate.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 14 (view)
 
3 Strikes and you are out!
Posted: 5/20/2012 3:14:53 AM

Vortices. This thread was not about dating, actually about friends,family and work colleagues. People you have to deal with everyday life.
.



At no point does your OP state this, i was actually starting to live in fear of my comprehension skills for minute. Its assumptions mixed with communication issues are the real problems here.... hmmm sounds familiar.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 12 (view)
 
when do you reckon the job market will pick up?
Posted: 5/20/2012 2:56:11 AM
Or maybe its all by design, end goal: single global currency and government.

Think about it, western economies are going down the pan, african,south american and asian economies are on the rise. The countries that are currently the subject of strife, turmoil or threat, as in the arab spring, syria, iran, libya etc are all non members of the IMF and world bank.

The commodity markets are in a shambles, silver is artificially low when compared to gold historically.

Its amusing how many people think that having a mortgage or a car loan think they actually own said items, you too can own you own home (eventually if we dont go bust, or you plebs choose not to withdraw your cash from our banks as we massively overstate our assetts and real value) 'just sign on the dotted line, and we will press a button, make this money appear out of thin air and we now have a new assett for nothing, and you are out slaves for 25 years'

Seems to me that sovereignty both at national and individual level are a thing of the past. Despite the right wing propaganda, the expectation of voluntary work at a supermarket is proof of communist style social structure. Dont listen to the words look at the actions. Civil liberty is diminishing, the right to protest is now being made illegal, legislation to shut down the internet, or at least control it is in place. Microchipping is here and an now, DNA sampling at birth is only a matter of time.

There is a much bigger game being played here than an economic down turn, it has the feel of a social experiment, and re reading 1984 today is a bit of an eye opener.

Your government knows best. And getting better is matter of perspective. The job market will improve massively when we all succumb to serfdom again.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 55 (view)
 
What messages gets you to answer them
Posted: 5/19/2012 3:40:14 AM
^^^^ A lot of the ladies here will tell you that some guys wont take no for an answer or get abusive over being rejected, and thats fair enough, and explains why many of them dont. Of course in real life you ignore someone in the street you are lining yourself up for some face to face abuse.

We have to accept that women on the net face a different issue from us, and its hard to say this with any degree of honesty, but i would like to think i would reply in the negative and then block them at that point. removing any opportunity of abuse, i would prefer a negative response to no response at all, but then having said that in my value system rude behaviour is rude behaviour, but i certainly can see why women act the way they do, i would dislike getting abuse for telling some they are not my type even more.

Bottom line.... take real life personally but not the the net.... which is a shame really as it doesn't get anymore personal than love and dating.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 51 (view)
 
What messages gets you to answer them
Posted: 5/19/2012 1:34:32 AM
Outlook and pre-disposition has a massive effect on how we all respond. If that person is attractive we look for other reasons for dating them, if they are not attractive we go seeking reasons for not dating them.

I think if we are pre-disposed to avoid anything over for example a casual date or maybe a fling, then we are going to be looking hard for faults to justify this position so we can say with a clear conscience ' i only want to fvck you, or keep it casual nothing more... sorry) , where from a different mindset those faults will be ignored, or tolerated.

Personally i use the net same as real life, and if someone messages me i will answer, if i was in the position of having too many messages then i would remove my profile from search and play catch up. I see no reason, for myself to act differently online than in RL, so if i met someone in the street and they said 'Hi' i would say hi right back, make a quick assessment on weather or not an opening chat up/conversation line is on order or just move on.

i get that most use the 'no answer is an answer' mantra and if thats right for them then fabulous, all it tells me is that they are pre disposed to act in a certain way when it comes to a potential relationship, and is more telling than no answer is an answer.

I will respond to messages with just a 'HI' as i see it for what it is, a friendly greeting that we have been programmed to do since we learned to talk. Any one with a check list of requirements will drop off my radar very very quickly anyway, i focus on the connection, and not the stuff that is probably exaggerated, or left out due to shyness or inability to self promote.

Kinda reminds me of something i read where 90% of senior executives admit to lying on their CV's to get to where they are.

Just say Hi to me thanks, ill trust my intuition to do the rest :)
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 63 (view)
 
Men and women living apart.
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:57:34 AM
@ MSG 66 Gemini ...

Thank you for sharing that, i choose it gives hope to all that read it.

I am still of the opinion that's the exception to the rule, as my RL experience tells me otherwise but you show that it can work, and also shows that despite living separately you were still required to make sacrifices and compromises for each other. Fabulous stuff that says a lot about you :)
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
3 Strikes and you are out!
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:42:23 AM
Depends on the situation, if its a random confrontation over meaningless crap like the toilet seat or toothpaste lid ill let it go, lifes to short over that stuff to argue or allow it to get irritating ... BUT

The first sign of controlling behaviour like ' If you loved me you would do this' or ' if you dont this then the relationship is over'

i will call their bluff everytime and walk away, no second chances.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Men and women living apart.
Posted: 5/18/2012 7:35:59 AM
Ok then lets look at this from a different perspective, we are all agreed that this is different with every relationship, and even then at different times? We also agree that living in the now is most important and tomorrow will take care of itself.

I think its safe to assume the mojority of users of this forum have all been burned in a relationship at some point, and from what i see most of us forum users are a tad disolusioned with dating overall.

Ok we have established the consensus and the stances they come from so i have a direct question:

How many relationships of people living apart have stood the test of time, say 3 years + ? I am having trouble recalling any, everyone i know lives with someone else, but then again none of them used POF :)

(if someone wishes to create a new thread free as i cannot)
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Men and women living apart.
Posted: 5/17/2012 7:23:05 AM
As usual forumites jumping on selective quoting to prove their own point. And i am astonished at the lengths some here would use this to maintain their safety net, when there really is no threat, just an opinion on pitfalls of one choice of lifestyle requirement.

Also i see the title as in context of an established relationship not in the early months of dating etc--- seems some are confused about relative time frames here.

@Woz i never said this is an absolute..... why does everyone assume that offering a point of view is an absolute, and no other point of view is acceptable? I agree with both sides and never once said it was wrong.

At what point did i say a time frame is involved? why do marriages fail.... the real root reason? did they fvck someone else cos they wanted something to do? Did they kick you out because it would be funny? Maybe you lost your house, kids and life to a random joke?

Or maybe, just maybe you played your part in a relationship that was static, going nowhere, got as far is it could. The Affairs, lies and deceit are the manifestation of a marriage break up only at the very end, when the truth is, that the seeds for this stuff were sown at a more distant point in the past.

Living apart for many, many people is a fabulous way to live and i agree it gives the best of everything, and the worst aspects are less of an issue. But sooner or later something will arise that threatens the relationship what do you do? Run back to your caves and hide? afterall its not your issue anymore its theirs right? but thats the draw of this, we hate having to deal with our shit, lets alone take someone elses on. The truth is baggage is no longer an issue. Well lets file it all away then it wont ever come back up again .... oh no.....

This isnt just about relationships its about life, and static relationships, like water goes stagnant in the end. After 12 years of playing the dating game its my experience that you just drift apart as your lives take an unexpected turn, sometimes it happens quickly, sometimes it takes years, but i have yet to see a relationship of living seperate lives stand the test of time. How many people grow old seperately together?

Now if you are fine with doing your own thing, and your partner doing theirs then i get it, been there done and it is fabulous, like any sort of relationship it can end at any point. Just for me i need to feel that movement of relationship going somewhere, i dont care where or when but a direction of some kind that is together. That could be saving up for a holiday, or someway of passing the time together....ITs that undisclosed point in the future, weeks, months or years it matters not, when one of you will say 'i dont wish to wake up alone tomorrow' if one partner disagrees too many times then watch out.

Its that point where living seperate lives becomes having seperate souls. I have done my work on why my marriage and relationships ended when i thought and then when it 'really' ended, with one or two exceptions here i doubt many of you have examined your ending beyond the point you found out they fvcked someone else or they just left. The truth is the marriage ended a long, long time before then.

The point i am trying to make is not that this is right or wrong, it what it is, But the sooner one partner wants something different than the other then the relationship is under threat, and dealing with threats is best done together than from the safety of your seperate lives.... dont you think? But then again why deal with it all when you have your cave/bubble to retreat to. There plenty more fish out there we can always catch more.

I guess i am more bored of fishing than most, but then again in the now it is easy to disagree with my point as everything is perfect in the moment, but with hindsight after that 'WTF where did that come from?' happens, you might just look back on this and say.... "if only we were a better team, or if we had stronger foundations we might have survived an otherwise perfect relationship".


Bottom line we are all afraid of getting hurt again, and playing it safe is the best option.... unless of course its the fear thats causing the playing it safe. And thats the real interesting thing about this topic, i can smell a lot of fear in this forum. So many moan about POF and dating yet bother to understand how they got here in the first place.

Its quite surprising to me that I am choosing to argue a point that I dont believe for a second is the correct one everytime, or against a point that is wrong everytime. I guess I just cant help trying to find balance in a place that has none. Sometimes offering a point of view that is uncomfortable and forcing people to think outside their comfort zone is necessary to me, as there is no such thing as the golden goose of a perfect relationship or indeed living arrangement. All we have is what is right now, and to have an expectation on what is to come is wrong, and equally being closed to all outcomes is an expectation in its own right.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Men and women living apart.
Posted: 5/16/2012 4:47:15 PM
I think this kind of stuff should go on profiles too, because in a relationship while i wouldnt be in a rush to live with someone, i would like to feel it is moving in a positive direction.

Those that are set in their ways and want their own space sounds like a very static relationship to me, which is more of a FWB relationship than anything else. I dont see much sharing of life, just using and discarding. As i said above i used to be a commitment phobe, and there really is nothing wrong with this as long as everyone knows where they stand. Sooner or later someone is going to want to feel more security in the relationship, and if they dont find it then dont be surprsed if they find someone that can offer that.

Picture this: 70 years old and bitter over everyone you ever felt something for chooses to abandon you for someone else. Doesnt sound all that great to me. But hey you have all the time in the world to enjoy all that lovely space. Dont know why you just dont come out and say ' I only want sex and nothing else' as thats all your going to get when you get right down to it.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Men and women living apart.
Posted: 5/16/2012 3:35:12 PM
Im on the fence on this one, and it depends on the person involved, ive been pretty much doing my own thing for the majority of the last 12 years (with a few years of rude interruption by an ex), and overall being alone is getting boring.

There is definitely plus points to living apart, but now i am beyond the set in my ways thing, to think that some compromises can be made in exchange for less money worries, more companionship and not waking up alone. This does not mean i am in any rush, just means i am prepared to share more of myself now than i used to be.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Coloured hair on blokes
Posted: 5/16/2012 3:26:04 PM
One thing OP, I would lose the line in your profile about the beach/seaside. it seems to be the phrase of doomm for profiles, anything about walking on the seafront or snuggling up with dvd's and a bottle of wine!!


I actually make a point of saying that i wont say that on my profile...... still doomed :(

I adore women with wild colour hair or anything that makes them stand out from the crowd. Case in point ... Jane Goldman, she looks amazing, and as her husband is an aging, has an expanding waistline (like me :P) with growing hair and a speech impediment i have hope still!

As for womens perceptions i have no idea, highlights bleaching etc is a bit passe these days, but in your case its more of an individual statement. I would guess you wouldnt be happy with a female that would wish you to conform to what they wish anyway.

As for me, well i dont have a strong opinion about my hair or its image so if i was asked to cut it by someone i cared about i probably would. It has never occured to me to dye for any reason though.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Road Tolls and Charging
Posted: 5/16/2012 2:47:47 PM
Gemini, your argument becomes flawed when you compare the costs of water to other parts of the world like the middle east which is bizzarrely a desert! (not to mention the free electricity and cheap petrol). I love irony.

And no one has presented a coherent argument in favour of adding flouride to it.... and dont give me the guff about it being good for the teeth. There is no evidence to support this, just hearsay, of which i can easily counteract with documented experiments of it being used in nazi concentration camps to keep the inmates docile. Results of lab rat experiments, and places in the world that have abandoned this practice based on scientific evidence. (clue: Increased cancer rates and lower brain motor function - use google its all there).

At what stage is it acceptable to put a known poison into the water supply? Arsenic isnt fatal in small doses either but would you risk a safe dose?

Whatever next? Aspartame is good for us because it is a main ingredient in diet drinks? Ask the 3rd generation, sterile, brain damaged lab rats if consuming what amount to bacteria excrement is a good idea to have as an accompany ment to that supersized burger and chips.

Despite what the daily mail says, the government does not love you.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Road Tolls and Charging
Posted: 5/16/2012 12:28:35 PM
Well they manage to get us all to pay for something that is the very essence of life, falls out of the sky for free and they even add a known poison to it for good measure.

You couldn't make that up really :)))
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 5 (view)
 
chat
Posted: 5/16/2012 5:56:30 AM
Also beware of people wanting to use MSN email etc to send photos, especially right at the beginning there is a high proabability they are a scammer.

If they can upload a photo to email or MSN they can certainly do it on POF. So why are they so desperate to get you away from IM on POF?

For a start they want your personal Email address (this can be sold to advertisers), few people use multiple ones in the older age groups. They can then embed in the photo attach a virus for you to open, which will most likey be a trojan or a keylogger that will report back to them every keypress you do on the keyboard. If you use internet banking or even online shopping they will have enough on you to steal your ID or empty your bank account/ top up your credit cards.


There really is no reason to stay away from POF IM, if you like the sound of them then have a chat on a disposable mobile phone. If they give you phone number that looks odd then google that number and you will be able to find its source. There are some very expensive premium phone lines in the cayman islands that look quite genuine.

At this point if you are feeling good about it all then its should all be ok.

These people are a rarity but i am sorry for teaching you to suck eggs if you know this stuff, but for those that dont then i hope this is helpful. Dating sites state about being careful with your personal info for a very good reason.

Just use some common sense, listen to your gut feeling and arm yourself with a little knowledge and dating is safe and fun ( when they bother to reply haha)
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Fuel prices
Posted: 5/15/2012 9:15:53 AM
I think this is setting us up to all jump on the electric car bandwagon, which on paper is a fab idea but the reality should be given consideration. Apart from forcing people into even more crippling debt by way of loans and HP etc (like the scrappage scheme of which many of those cars still being paid for have been re-possessed), this will kick start the ill informed if well intentioned eco warriors into frothing at the mouth levels of fervour.

Of lesser concern to most will be the environmental impact of millions of batteries that require disposal.

Of greater concern to most will be the cost of said batteries when they need replacing and the one often overlooked is the cost of replacing the electric motor, which last i read was at around 30k miles at a cost of around £7000 before labour. And i am confident that the laws of supply and demand will inflate this further.

The bottom line is that there is every intent of screwing us as hard as they can to exercise our right for freedom of movement. And for every penny increase in transportation costs thats another penny added to the cost of each item of food you buy. You pay at the pump, youre getting fvcked, you pay more at the checkout, you are getting double fvcked. In short we are all not just getting fvcked, we are getting raped.

Homework: Compare oil prices per barrell to prices at the pumps for the last 30 years.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Road Tolls and Charging
Posted: 5/15/2012 5:19:15 AM
The rich pays more tax so It's only fair they get to enjoy their taxes too ?


They do? Maybe a little research would do you good. You may just discover they save more in tax dodges with offshore bank accounts charitable 'donations' (legal money laundering) than they pay in the first place. To make it nice and easy google 'Vodafone Tax avoidance'.

Lets take this logic one step further and tax cyclists for using the roads to pay for all those cycle paths that are unused. Why stop there.... horse rider use the roads lets tax them too, or given that legally prams are classed as 4 wheel vehicles and are breaking the law by mounting the pavement we should tax mothers too! :)
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 60 (view)
 
Dating superior/inferior careers to your own
Posted: 5/15/2012 5:10:58 AM
This thread is a classic example of why so many relationships fail, right or wrong is irrelevent sooner or later money (or lack of) will enter the equation.

As said above someone with money will sooner or later resent the other for not paying their way. Money truly is the root of all evil, but that is the world we live in and are forced to acknowledge it.

I think the OP question on career orientation has missed the point, and the real question should be about relative wealth and status.

I would much rather date woman who volunteers to help those less fortunate than one that works in the banking industry earning a fortune. Success is relative and subjective and according to many on this thread i am undateable despite never pulling a benefit in my life because by their standards i am not employed.

But then again we also lead into what we consider wealth and status to mean. Far too many feel money is the path to happiness, it isnt it gives more choices but does not guarantee contentment.

My opinion on all this is that there are givers and takers in life and those that consider status in others as a priority are inherently selfish and have no chance whatsoever of getting a piece of my heart, they will get my compassion in times of need but it ends there.

Those that look for inner strength and integrity in others will discover that my heart is limitless. I have had cash aplenty, and i have been homeless, and i know which of the two teaches us more about value and what is really important.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Disability and dating
Posted: 5/14/2012 6:08:46 AM
While unfortunately i am sure you are at a disadvantage...... even being male here means you have massive competition compared to the women. So yup its an uphill struggle.... for what its worth no ones even looked at my profile or messaged me first for 6 weeks i have been here.

I would recommend finding a website or community that caters for your needs better where you will find others in the same position. This site is hard work for all of us, so dont feel isolated or alone you are not.

Sorry i cant be more supportive good luck.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
disfigurgments
Posted: 5/14/2012 6:02:01 AM
Certainly wouldnt put me off on its own, but the dating rules remain the same, there still has to be chemistry.... if we dont see eye to eye (Groan bad pun) then it still wont happen :)

I suspect anyone that doesnt see this as an issue probably has personality requirements still so its still a bit of a minefield, but i am positive if she is patient and discerning there is someone out there for her. :) Wish her love and luck for me/
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Tickling...
Posted: 5/13/2012 9:11:43 AM
^^^^
In before the thread lock.

Having taken the time to browse your profile before you manage to get the thread deleted through trolling i predict your time here will be interesing :)

How to make friends and influence people 101 - Dont call people weird even if tickling is a pretty uncommon fetish. :)))
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Dating superior/inferior careers to your own
Posted: 5/13/2012 5:54:55 AM
Unfortunately i predict a massive gender divide on this one. There will always be exceptions to the rule but its my experience that women with well paid careers will not date an unemployed/ on low pay male, single parent or not.

Roles reversed of course the expectations are far different. I will watch this thread with interest.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 97 (view)
 
You don't have to believe in God to cherish the Church
Posted: 5/13/2012 5:18:05 AM
I would turn the title of the OP around and say

You dont have to beleive in the Chruch to cherish God (or insert any name/label you like for a universal creationary force).

What people believe does not matter to me at all, as long as they have the awareness to ask those really big questions and are able to debate it without going into a fervour frenzy will do me. As said above its not about being evangelical, its about being openminded enough to see that all religions have commonalities and can join the dots.

I would prefer this than someone that is happy living as a sheep following the herd, with no self awareness or empowerment.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Teenagers!!!!
Posted: 5/13/2012 5:06:16 AM
Its a very fine line between parenting and tyrrany. Overall i remind myself that it is their life and choices on how they live it.

I teach mine that there are consequences to every action. For example:

The stash of cutlery and plates etc in their bedroom is causing shortages elsewhere, i give them paper plates, cups and knives to use in the case of my son, the type a 5 year old girl would have at a birthday party. While everyone else gets to eat with dignity.

Clothes on the floor do not get washed under any circumstances, they want to live like a tramp they can smell like one. sooner or later the opposite sex will have a positive influence on this.

I ask for them to do something for me, like washing up, hoovering stairs cut the grass etc and they dont? then the next time they need a lift somewhere dads taxi goes on strike. I will not ever nag or ask twice but do it myself if they dont.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Tickling...
Posted: 5/13/2012 4:34:57 AM
Cant stand it at all, i dont mind a caress that is slightly ticklish, but i really cannot stand to get tickled that hard it feels like my ribs are getting poked.

All this does is forces me to overpower her and make her stop by pinning her down thus leading to some rough hard sex to distract her from all that tickl........ oh wait was that her objective all along?
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 18 (view)
 
When do you give up on online dating?
Posted: 5/12/2012 3:20:40 AM
^^^^ what she said, it really is simple.

You leave because you met someone, or you leave because it isnt working.

I think the common mistake people make, or what i have realised is that the expectation on a dating site is far greater so the failure is more obvious than some drunken girl knocking you back on that drink and dance offer in a club. ITs the fact that the choice is so massive the ego takes a bigger hit as so many more people are not interested.
The net is a tool as said above, it is not a magic wand.

The quicker we come to terms with the fact that you cannot force love or attraction to happen the better, once the expectations are lowered the success rate goes up.

For me the greatest success of all is having some fabulous friends from the forums and dating site, that by far outweigh the inconvenience of meeting a few nutters along the way. I am working on the principle that by remaining optimistic and open the right one will announce herself sooner or later.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Do you think your setting your sights at a reasonable level?
Posted: 5/11/2012 12:29:19 PM
Chillcat.. you sir are a legend, and you owe me a new monitor mine is covered in coffee :))))

I know it was said in jest, but i have noticed it happening. I am one of the fair few guys that read profiles very closely, and many times when i know a date is on the cards and tweaks are very noticeable. So how do you read this? is it flattering that they are altering their profile to catch their fish or does it mean something more sinister? Well i guess that depends on how attractive they are :)))))
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Do you think your setting your sights at a reasonable level?
Posted: 5/11/2012 10:52:22 AM
The problem starts when comparing internet dating with meeting people real life, work, interests pub etc. The fact is that we can afford to be choosy when its a pure numbers game. Hitting it off with someone on a night out isnt really anyharder but the choice of right kind of people showing a real interest is much slimmer.

Given the ratio of choice, then men outnumber the women by quite a large amount..... just looking at who's online within 10 miles of where you live will show this, an average in my experience is 10-1, where i am now it is 50-1 in favour of men to women.

So given all this choice then its easy to see why people are much more fussy than they would normally be. Wether or not it is right to do this is an individual decision and a seperate debate, personally i try to keep my feet on the ground, but there still has to be certain standards like having a pulse helps. But unless a date is a complete disaster i always go on a 2nd date to allow for first date nerves etc if they are willing. I go in with the intention of at least making a friend and expanding the social life, with the hope that there can be more. Thats it really, the shallow boxes become less relevant with me the more substantial the person is.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Dependency on text messages
Posted: 5/11/2012 6:02:46 AM
I cant stand texting, my ex was evil about this, if i didnt respond n a certain time aguarnteed argument was waiting for me when i got home. If its an importatant text or one i am expecting then fine no problem, but i cant stand the inane pointless stuff or it being used to check on my location.... im either at home, at work or somewhere inbetween, if i am anywhere else then i will tell you ffs.

I usually reply by phoning straight back anyway, but like others i rarely answer quickly, as i am probably either working or driving. When making my way through rush hour after a days work, the last thing i feel like doing is pulling over to let them know i am ok. Back in the day we would only phone when something was wrong!
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 95 (view)
 
Attraction - is this how it works ?
Posted: 5/11/2012 5:24:57 AM
The more people i meet, the more i find it hard to pin down exactly what does attract me. I am comming around to lusiphers way of thinking.

I do most certainly, like most others have a some basic ideas about what i like and dislike in other people that i want in my life but there are times those tick boxes just go right out of the window.
I have never had massive expectations on looks and body etc but it still is a factor on first glance. Equally i have dated women that are stunning to look at, intimidatingly so, and yet after a few hours with them there is nothing there, i could net even give a FB or FWB relationship a thought let alone anything more. The there have been women whose looks are not their strong point but i have been completely bowled over by their personalty and loved being around them and found them to be very attractive and a turn on.

Attraction has so many levels and manifests in so many ways i have given up trying to understand it, and instead to go along with it.
These days all i do is look for some kind if connection and explore it until it either fades away or evolves into something more. Sooner or later one of those connections will be the last one i ever make.....wont it?
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Look Mum, no hands!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted: 5/10/2012 7:15:13 AM
I think this is only a matter of time, and i am looking forward to it. Look at where traffic flow control is already in effect, with things like average speed cameras and the motorways are flowing better, even the M25 with its variable speed controls flows much better than it did 2o years ago, sure ive seen it slow and queuing, but not at a stand still for hours on end.

This would mean for long journeys i can sleep through them, or indeed pick my nose to my hearts content and will make car theft a thing of the past so hopefully (i wouldn't bet on this) insurance premiums will drop with the crime and accident rate.

Bring it on i say.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Advice please ladies?
Posted: 5/9/2012 8:29:03 AM
Sounds like shes still in rebound territory to me, you dont have many options to be honest except hope she figures it all out and chooses to come back to you. I suspect by the time she she does this she may be looking for something entirely different. I wouldnt hold a candle for her if were you, just move on and find another fish, there is clearly nothing wrong with your bait.

Give her space and time and send her a 'how are you'? textn but have no expectations of a response.

Alternatively she might be an attention seeker which i am sure most of the guys here have come across before, The blocking tells me this is the case as if she was serious about getting her head straight she would have hidden or deleted her account. Either way consider it a near miss as she clearly isnt ready for you and it would most likely have ended in tears anyway.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Refused to be sold a fish!
Posted: 5/9/2012 8:02:47 AM
its not about the amount of litres the tank hold but square footage of surface area as thats where it oxyegnates.... i take it she asked you if you had a pump? as that can bump up the amount of fish you can have in there. Unless of course you delight in suffocating fish of course.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Life's about ...
Posted: 5/8/2012 9:45:37 AM
I like the phrase 'Living to the full' as it has so many connotations. To some its never wasting a moment and always on the move.... to others it means being a rampant swinger and wants to shag anything with a pulse. :) Or it can just mean they are adventuorous and like to try different foods or are easily bored.

For me Life is about:

Finding something to be thankful for everyday no matter how low i feel. (very buddhist i know).

Plus knowing that we will eventually die i like to pretend that everything has a meaning when ultimately it really doesn't. And amuse myself watching others go about their lives like the rat race means everything.
 ControlledFolly
Joined: 2/17/2011
Msg: 19 (view)
 
How persistent are you?
Posted: 5/8/2012 9:29:20 AM
When it comes to POF messaging then not at all. I dont recall ever sending more than 1 mail intentionally, and when i did it was because they changed their profile picture months on and i hadnt realised i had already mailed them.

These days i rarely message anyone, only forumites, since i moved ive not had anyone view my profile for 3 weeks let alone a message so for the poster above to get 115 negative responses is quite an achievement. Its quite obvious this site isnt for me on the dating side.

Given that the majority of females moan about getting more than 1 message then i would be wary of being termed a stalker. And as being stalked is an individual perception then i choose caution, this is not a game of kiss chase.

i have far better things to do with my time than chase someone that has already ignored me once, i have messaged then next move is theirs its quite simple. If they like chase me games that much then i am sure there are many in IE and casual sections that will pander to their love of the chase.

After meeting on the other hand is a different game entirely where the chase is part of the fun.
 
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