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 Author Thread: Is it normal for guys to talk about sex before meeting?
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Is it normal for guys to talk about sex before meeting?
Posted: 1/2/2010 1:02:01 AM

I find it hard to believe this is normal and considered acceptable.


You are right it isn't acceptable to talk about sex on the first chat conversation unless there is mutual interest. But it is extraordinarily common.

Some people talk about sex and never meet. It is not a bad idea to find out compatible sexual interests to save time. If someone has particular fetishes that they are aware of, then they are likely to want to pursue someone who is willing to entertain them. A lot of times I have screened out men from knowing their sexual preferences and vice versa. However it is nice to have the person show an interest in you as a person first.

I have found that most men that had contacted me via internet social sites brought up sex within first contact. Whether on this site, or other social chat venues/dating sites. I have come to expect men to attempt quite sadly. Most of them do steer the conversation that way; but when they do the conversation is done.

Perhaps it is more because of the age I started online dating but I found my ratio to be a bit higher than these other ladies. I would say more 90 to 95%. The man that does not talk about sex keeps my interest longer.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Do you think they talked?
Posted: 11/29/2009 9:37:59 PM
Um I agree with the other women. It was the mother that made contact with you. If you are that much older than the daughter by your own assumption I would conclude that the mother would likely not be setting the two of you up on a date.

From your approximation she would be around my age or a few years older. I know that would not fly with my parents. Although I have dated men your age, my parents want nothing to do with them and rejoice when my relationships fall to pieces. I believe the mother wants you for herself as the other women are suggesting.

Although it is entirely possible that you may have had sexual tension with the daughter, but her mother's house is not the appropriate time and place to find that out. Especially if the mother has her eyes on you for herself. If the daughter knows this about her mom she won't be interested in a long distance relationship with an older man like you.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
So the ex text
Posted: 11/29/2009 12:38:24 AM

Awww, gee, ain't that sweet? Funny how a lot of OP questions end that a way when they hear answers that aren't exactly to their likin'

I'm just sayin'


Wow, you can turn down the sarcasm and arrogance 10 notches.

Accept that sometimes things are what they are and have nothing to do with your opinions. I appreciate your opinions as misconstrewed as they may be in some cases.

The relationship is nothing like you posters fantasize it to be, that is why I had to post the topic. He is an ex for a lot of reasons, all of which I am well aware of.

Think about it, if I truly had feelings for the guy in the manner that you think, I would be jumping all over the phone to meet up with him. As it is I do not respond to his sexual texts much less call him. The opportunity is there and has been for some time I am not dumb nor oblivious to the situation; this time it has just been a bit more obvious with the sexual nature of the texting. But even then, he has only done it twice. The way you guys go on with having to block his number is as if he is a stalker. I just wanted advice on how to nip it in the bud.

I enjoyed the way things were, and wanted to know how to get things back as painlessly as possible. Thankfully he figured things out on his own.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
So the ex text
Posted: 11/28/2009 6:14:33 PM
It is all good, he has figured it out on his own and apologized. Either that or he found this thread somehow.

Thanks one and all.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
So the ex text
Posted: 11/28/2009 4:45:05 PM

If you don't mind a new guy doing this to you, then continue with what you are doing. If you would be insulted and hurt if a future partner did this or allow it, then you should treat the next guy like you want to be treated.


This part I entirely agree with. This is why I asked the question. With any other ex I would cut it off at the pass. This guy is somewhat different because he had been there for me through several difficult junctures in my life; although not something I would explain in a forum.

In fact this guy doesn't contact me all that frequently which I have stated several times in this thread. Which is why I was not all that worried. I thought maybe he was under the influence the first time. Then I got a message yesterday which was two weeks after the other one. Now I am concerned because I don't want him to think it is okay to send me these kinds of messages even if they are coded.


The booty calls he texts me are like I said in code they are not in common sexual terms. But I understand your point, I wouldn't want my boyfriend or significant other to get intimate texts in code either.

But I don't want to be the recipient of these particular texts. It only started this year. That is why I have posted in the forum. But I do not mind receiving normal messages from him either. We actually broke up in 2001, but maintained a regular plutonic friendship before losing contact in 2006. Which is why I would be really sad to have to cut him off entirely.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
So the ex text
Posted: 11/28/2009 4:13:36 PM
Oh I would never want to have sex with this guy. He is an EX that when I think about past sexual relations with, it makes my skin crawl. It really doesn't matter if I am horny or if he says anything about his feelings I have no sexual interest in him.

But he was my first love, so I like to know how he is doing in life; and would like him to be well. And I do not want to hurt his feelings, or make things awkward since we do not have regular contact anyways.

My question was should I tell him I would not like him to send me texts about sexual memories anymore or booty calls. Or should I just ignore them?

I think also you are misunderstanding the context of the text relationship. I do not talk to this guy or receive texts from him regularly. Only when he runs into me on the street once a year. Then a flutter of texts come in from him. And this month which is what my question was about. He knows nothing about my dating status.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 1 (view)
 
So the ex text
Posted: 11/28/2009 3:56:53 PM
QUESTION: My question was should I tell him I would not like him to send me texts about sexual memories anymore or booty calls. Or should I just ignore his text messages?

SITUATION: There is this ex of mine from about 6 years ago has been intermittently been contacting me about sex. About his dreams and memories about us. Basically a booty call. He is trying to throw out the bait.

We do not have contact except for when we run into one another on the street so he will start texting me like crazy right after to catching me up on his life. This I do not mind, he was my first love so I have a soft spot for him. He is like the older brother I never had; but I do not have intimate feelings for him anymore.

When he starts getting into memories of us I will just ignore them and divert the text conversation until the texting subsides for that session. Until the next time we run into one another. We live relatively close to one another but in a city so we only see one another maybe once a year by accident. So I never felt the need to say something and make it awkward for him.

This month he has texted me of his own volition about his sex dreams specifically. He has code words that he used when we dated, so I know what he is talking about. Should I just ignore his messages as they are only about sex now, or should I say something to him about it? He hasn't ever asked me if I was seeing anyone which is the strangest part of it.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
So I freaked the F out...
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:40:28 AM
Yeah I know what you are saying.


(Insert psycho, insecure, moody, crazy, petty, immature woman comments here.) I'm insecure-have been dumped, deserted cheated on etc.


We have all been there once in our life. I agree with the first response. You have to get some hobbies and keep yourself busy. Volunteer in the community or something. What has been good for me is NOT carrying my cell phone on me unless I am out and about. When you have it on you or on the table you spend a lot of time looking at it and waiting for it to ring, or expecting him to call. Everyone who needs to reach me urgently can call me on a landline when I am at home, or they know I will return their calls if they leave a message.

Especially if you find yourself getting obsessed about what he is doing you have to focus on something else. Get your own life.

Go out and do something productive, and leave the phone in your bag. Stay at home leave the phone in your room in your bag. You shouldn't be freaking about because he is not calling you because you should have your own life that is amazing. It is only 2 and a half months, when the novelty of you wears off; the number of texts and visits will be less especially if he is a busy guy. This is something to think about.

If you need someone who gives you more attention because of your insecurities, then you should find someone that fits your requirements rather than sitting around all anxious about what he is not doing for you and getting worked up about it and appearing like the psycho on facebook.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
23 year old women without children, and I'm weird?
Posted: 11/7/2009 11:16:28 AM
It is not weird at all. It is an educated decision.

Although you are of that pivotal age where you can be married, could possibly have children. Prospective mates will ask about that stuff. Their reactions and recovery from that question will vary.

I found when I started online chatting it was literally a pivotal overnight change in age. I was 19, then I was 20, 21...chats were all innocent about how are you...do you have a boyfriend are you single etc...then I turned 22 and suddenly I was being asked if I was married or had children. Because it was assumed it was technically possible. Other women out there are doing stuff, hence you must be too.

Don't take it too personally.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Asking out a cosmetologist?
Posted: 11/5/2009 5:32:15 PM
I agree with a lot of posters here. She is in service, people in service have to be nice especially if they rely on tips for a living or repeat customers. Success in her job is dependent on both.

Hairdressers can often put their cell number on their card because they may either rent a chair at a salon or be hired with a salon. If you don't get your hair cut very often, next time you go back they may not be at that particular place. So you need to call their personal number to find them if you like the job they did.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Money or Wisdom, which do you prefer ?
Posted: 11/5/2009 9:04:15 AM

Is the rich guy hot?


That was what I thought when I read that thread.

If he is just boring at least he has the money to buy me stuff to keep me entertained. I have a multitude of hobbies that could keep me entertained for a lifetime. I could deal with a rich man who is boring as a knob; that is if that was the only problem. I would appreciate the comforts and lifestyle he could give me.

But if there is no love or trust then it wouldn't work. I have also had opportunities to be with multimillionaires/billionaires. However attraction, love and trust were just not there. So Money is not everything. It definitely cannot buy happiness or trust.

However not having enough money also causes numerous problems as well.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
How quick should I move on here?
Posted: 11/3/2009 6:06:48 PM

but for some reason do not get any replies.


not interested


read/delete =not interested
read/not deleted +no response =dim hope best move on

The best thing to do is to tell them what you liked about their profile and what prompted you to write them in particular. Do not mention meeting. That is a given, why else would you be messaging them? Hopefully they are not people that have e-mail/chat buddies only.

The first step after that is to get a response, do not message them again until you do. In the first message try to say as little about yourself as possible. Just ask them to read your profile and get back to you if interested. Otherwise they may think it is a form letter you send to a lot of women. It is better to send a short first message that is unique to them than a long letter that is all about you and completely unoriginal.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
What do you think of video messages?
Posted: 11/3/2009 9:49:01 AM

Ahhh I was thinking of uploading to youtube and posting the link - relatively pain free :o).


Well it could become painful for some people if they do not have unlimited internet access with their cell carrier plan. After a while it would become a nuisance if they had to wait 5 minutes for your video to upload to say "have a nice day I am thinking about you" then they get slammed with a fee at the end of the month for that 5 minutes minutes of uploading and 5 seconds of play time.

Most people do have unlimited or a reasonable number of incoming text. I would prefer texts as they are more reasonably priced. The uploading time online with my service provider takes so long I opted not to sign on with a data/internet plan, although my phone is capable of doing those functions and has a large touch screen and video camera as well. Perhaps people on the same carrier plan with the same model of phone as you would prefer to receive videos though.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
fake improvements
Posted: 10/26/2009 8:01:45 PM

Do you guys have any problem with guys who


Is this a question for the men or the women?

This is a strange topic considering what you have written in your profile OP.

Personally, I do not have a problem with other people having plastic surgery. It is their body, if it makes them feel better about themself then fine. The same thing with the lifts and the tanning products. Of course all assuming that they had the means to finance these luxuries themselves.

If someone has extremely low selfesteem and they can project a more confident image by using make-up or getting botox; I even know a couple of girls who got breast implants when they were 20 years old. They became much more confident because of it.

For myself, I would never get surgical enhancements unless I was in an accident and was already opened up or required some kind of reconstructive surgery. All surgical procedures carry risks, and for aesthetic reason that cannot be 100% guaranteed without complications/scarring so to me it is not worth it. However I have seen other people's lives been improved drastically by cosmetic surgical changes so I can understand why some people would want to go under the knife.

I agree the lifts and tanning products could be disappointing if someone meets you and is expecting you to look a particular way; and then you take off your make up and your shoes. But I am short, so how much taller can lifts make a guy?
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
girls, why do your profiles make you sound so defeated?
Posted: 10/8/2009 1:58:52 AM
Well they must be pretty.

Something is working for them, obviously you opened their profile.

Perhaps they are trying to make some guy feel like they are going to rescue them from their misery.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Ladies, why all the negativity?
Posted: 10/8/2009 1:54:52 AM
Probably because you have only been here for a little over a week. Give it a couple of months and you may change your tune, maybe your song and dance as well.

My profile was really short and sweet when I started, but I only met men over 48. My filter is for men my age to 40. You really do have to be blunt and quite frankly RUDE to scare off the ones you aren't interested in. Otherwise they think they have a shot.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 10 (view)
 
are girls to much intimdated with previous relationships ?
Posted: 10/8/2009 1:47:51 AM
For some people it is and for some people it isn't. The only way to find out is to be honest about it. Especially since you are still on amicable terms with these women and in regular contact with them. Otherwise they will become a threat to any potential relationship should the truth come out in any other way.

I am not sure if it is so much that women would be intimidated by your previous relationships and women in your life so much as they would be the lifestyle and your personality type. It says a lot about ones values, and how they live their life.

Also if the number of live in girlfriends you have had were significant for your age, it could be worrisome to new relationships as it may appear you lack the ability to commit. Usually people move in together as a step toward longterm commitment to eachother. For someone to have had several live in girlfriends is a bit of a contradiction to commitment, unless you were living with these women for financial reasons. Again, for a man that is almost 40; if you were living with several women for financial reasons that doesn't sound that great either.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Going back with an ex...
Posted: 10/7/2009 12:04:10 PM

Do you actually do this? Or is this just an excuse you have in your pockets to shy away unwanted approaches, while still trying to salvage a friendship?


Is something a girl from POF told you as to why she couldn't see you again? Because she was getting back with the ex?

Some guy I met told me some girl he met prior to me from POF was great but she decided to get back together with her ex, hence he met me...he also thought we had great first meet chemistry; truth be known...he was really weird and rather creepy. I was considering telling him the same thing. But I decided just to go *poof* instead since he didn't know where I lived. Saying "I have reconciled with the ex" tells some new weird online guy that there is a male presence in my life, therefore do not call or visit anymore.

That being said, people do get back together with their exes when there are mutual unresolved feelings.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Having no luck at all
Posted: 10/5/2009 1:54:03 PM

all there is on here is women wanting built guys that have lots of money that cater to their evry desire.


What? Are you saying those actually exist? Where do I sign up for one of those?

Usually it is one or the other or neither on here. Don't be so easily deterred.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Sex & Relationship
Posted: 10/5/2009 12:54:40 PM
While I agree sex is an important part of a relationship, I believe that there are other things that definitely take priority over sex in the long run. Hence it is definitely possible to have a sexless relationship. In fact I know people who have been married in a sexless relationship for over half a century, and neither has had an affair.

So sex cannot be that important for a relationship to work. It is purely a difference of values.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Side dish
Posted: 10/5/2009 12:14:17 PM
If that is how you feel (bitter and resentful) then it isn't good to start anything with those sentiments.

Also given that she was not 100% interested and did say that, it doesn't sound too promising.

At least you know she is nothing but honest. She can't even tell a white lie to save your ego or her reputation. She could be a good friend to have. Perhaps if you approach it more as a not so serious relationship, with low expectations just for hanging out it will be great.

However if you are feeling resentful you will be even more resentful when she takes you for a ride to pay for a dinner date and then looks to upgrade for a bigger better deal...or the main course as you put it.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
How do i react to his revelation???
Posted: 10/5/2009 11:49:03 AM
Careful about the liars.

I dated one...the first lie...he was married...the wife called me she told me that she was pregnant...and that he had the clap...and that he also was sleeping with 7 other women. Lucky for me she called otherwise I would have thought I was dating a single man!

I dated another he lied about his age, but I thought he was a perfect gentleman; better than I had seen in years...Fast forward a year, he also had a harem in BC and a wife in another country. Go figure.

There is never just one lie. If you find one there will always be more to follow.

Also OP it sounds like you almost feel badly if you reject this guy because of his child. But HE LIED, HE MISREPRESENTED HIMSELF. You probably would not have met him if you knew that he had a child. Hence this relationship would not have came to this point. So do not feel bad for wanting what you want at this stage of your life. Do not let other people keep you from obtaining what you want because you feel badly for them.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
 
adding on msn
Posted: 10/5/2009 11:22:48 AM

I either get... guys asking for pics.. ye... not.. or.. say ok tell me abou tyou.... but dont want to hold up there end of the convo..


Yeah, I am so tired of msn. I go to chat sites where there are 100s of people to chat with. When any conversation starts to look like this I can graduate to the next one.

Now it is the webcam...Do you have a webcam? Babe can you take off your shirt? Are you wearing a bra under there? Lame! there are sites for that.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Women who break off contact with you after you've added them on facebook
Posted: 10/5/2009 11:04:16 AM
I agree with some of the other women. Was she thinking she was your girlfriend?

Perhaps it is the ratio of female friends you have on there. And perhaps the ones that you are active with. The ones that send you gifts. Are they related to you in an obvious way...such as sharing last name? Do these women know of your relation to these women? How are they supposed to feel comfortable unless they have already met these other women?

If they hardly know you and then they see all of the communication between you and these other women that have known you for years...that doesn't feel that great.

How would you feel if you met a girl and she several men as friends and only 2 girls as facebook friends. A lot of guys post messages like "you look hot babe" "love that new picture" Perhaps she had an ex boyfriend posting messages on her wall...but they were just chat friends now that never see one another. But you don't know what their status was. He is just a guy on her facebook who is posting freudian slips on her wall. How would that make you feel?

I am sure it is something similar. Not necessarily that it is logical. Perhaps you have a lot of school friends that are female on your facebook that you never see in person. Or maybe that you do. But if you do see them, your prospective girlfriend should meet them before she is added to your facebook account. Otherwise I can see why she would be put off.

The other thing that puts me off about facebook, as I get a lot of younger men and tech guys wanting to add me from chat sites. I do not like to be added by people I have never met, or by people I do not know. I would not add people that I just had one date with, but other people do. If I added someone and they had 1000 friends (I am being generous here) it would tell me they were not that discriminating about who they added and I would also remove them from my list of friends because I would not want them or their friends to have access to my profile. Obviously they do not know all those friends that well, perhaps just friends in passing from a class in college or a person they worked with at a summer job.

Just saying...
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Credit card rejected on first date.
Posted: 10/4/2009 2:36:18 PM
I agree with the other women.

I always have enough on me whether in the bank or in cash to pay for myself, and I would especially on a first date. If that scenario played out definitely I would be paying for myself and out of there.

I would never get a guy to take me to an expensive restaurant on a first date. That is just rude. Half of the time I pay for my own on the first date whether it is just a coffee or lunch, because I do not want to feel badly about the outcome. If a guy wanted to take me somewhere expensive and couldn't afford it; then that is just downright fishy. Especially with an alias with yours OP.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 21 (view)
 
How can I attract intelligent women?
Posted: 10/4/2009 11:39:17 AM

hate to say it... but at your age you might not find intelligent conversation within your peer group for years. It's not that there aren't intelligent women your age... it's just most of them of different priorities right now... which makes them appear to be less than intelligent.


Sad and quite true. Broad perspectives come from life experience as well as education. Women your age will have little of neither.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Guys your thoughts would be appreciated
Posted: 10/4/2009 10:36:43 AM

When I have been seriously involved with someone on here and dating exclusively I strongly believe you change your status to not single/not looking and hide your profile.


I agree with this, if he is enjoying the attention and feeling desired; what if one day some 25 year old woman who has a thing for older men messages him thinking he is single. Do you honestly think that he will say he is involved still.

Get out while the going is good.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 13 (view)
 
why do women judge a man on what he have or have not?
Posted: 10/4/2009 10:23:08 AM
I agree with a lot of the other women. You are young still, what does it really matter what other people think of what you are doing right now to pay your bills? Especially if you are seeking higher education, and have other plans. Why should this bother you at all?

As for security specifically, are you trying to pick up women at the job? I would say depending on where you work, it could be a turn off to the woman because at most of these places the patrons pay to go use these services where ever they may be and you are part of the premium they pay only to be there as needed; as is the janitorial staff, kitchen, bar staff etc. Whether it be at a bar, night club, a hotel, or a high class social club. In the latter two cases you would definitely be looked at as "the help."

FYI I have dated a mall security guard before. So I do not have these issues but just saying...

There is a security guard at the grocery store I frequent who is constantly trying to pick me up, and I think very little of him as he is poaching on the job.

It has nothing to do with the fact that he is a security guard.

 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
What is going on?
Posted: 10/2/2009 6:12:05 PM
I think it is possible that she was surprised by your colour if you had never talked about personal things before. If you had never gotten to the point of talking about ethnicity, family, appearance, exchanging pictures...one would question how serious she actually was about physically meeting you. Perhaps she never meant to run into her virtual blogger people at work.

Was she even expecting you to show up at her work that day, or did you just drop in on her? If you made a surprise visit on me, I probably would have been freaked out as well. Afterall if someone showed up at my job and mentioned they knew me from POF ask a girl forum, that would be plenty creepy. I would also say that they have the wrong person.

Although you moved away, hence why the correspondence started up again. You are a safe distance from her. So not an immediate threat. She probably does like you a lot as a "friend" on the forum, but not showing up at her work place. Unless there was some other stuff going on that we don't know about.

I highly doubt it was about your colour. If she was remotely interested in a romantic relationship with you, she would have asked for a picture or even what you looked like. Even if she was expecting to meet you as a friend she would have asked you that to know what to expect. There is something missing from this story. Plus she likely wouldn't have asked you to drop in on her at work, as she doesn't really know you all that well.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 5 (view)
 
would a certain job keep you from dating a guy.
Posted: 10/1/2009 1:31:18 AM

So you're a bouncer at a strip club.


Worded that way, I would have to agree; that might be hard to work into a conversation at the family dinner table with the parents. "He gets paid to watch other women take their clothes off daddy." That wouldn't go over very well in my family.

 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Longterm status - good or bad?
Posted: 10/1/2009 1:22:48 AM
With the goal you have in mind Longterm is what you should put down. Women you want to attract will be attracted to that.

I am only looking at longterm profiles. I actually wish POF had a marriage option. It does seem a bit misleading to some people if you put down dating when you are looking for something more permanant.

One could also argue that if you have Longterm down and you meet someone but you aren't attracted to them then that is misleading because then you look like a player and should have Dating on your profile instead of Longterm.

Longterm does not scare away women, at least not the women that want the things that you want. It may scare away the women who just want to have fun.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
would a certain job keep you from dating a guy.
Posted: 10/1/2009 1:09:02 AM

Now, why would you want to seduce a married woman or one who is taken? *Tsk, tsk.*
ha ha, that is where the education comes in.

Seriously though, I would say yes. Not necessarily due to the strange hours, nor because it is security. Normally, I would say security would be not something I would be agreeable for my significant other. However, my father belongs to a high society club, and there is very little that the security guard does except to make sure that only members are on the premises and to ensure there are no pets or kids on the premises. Of course during party nights there may be the odd rowdy to escort out.

The one thing that would bother me is that you are only 29 and you have knee arthritis. Security requires a lot of standing and running around, or at least brisk walking around the grounds. You wouldn't be able to do this job for the rest of your working career. So it would be preferable that you go back to school now rather than later so that you can do something that you can sit on the job and perhaps have a good medical plan.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
What it someone politely asked you to talk less?
Posted: 9/28/2009 11:14:23 PM
She might not be able to help it. I know someone like that.

Everyone who knows her complains about it, and even cuts her off rudely when they are busy. Or quickly lets her know to get to the punchline if she wants to tell a story before they have to go; but she just can't help but tell all the little details in between. She knows that people don't have time for them, but it is her nature. It is neediness. No matter how many times you tell them, they will keep trying to get more of your time.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 20 (view)
 
What to call you... Girls, Gals, Women
Posted: 9/28/2009 10:53:05 PM
If a 35 year old man called me a girl I would find it a bit demeaning. Particularly as the term girl often is associated with childish, or juvenile behavior and immature thoughts or mannerisms.

That is why professors in Universities and highschool often refer to their students as young women rather than girls even if they are old enough to be their parents or grandparents. It is a more dignifying and respectful way of addressing younger women.

Gals reminds me of the Archie comic books. "Gals and Pals" It sounds like slang in general speech.

I like the term Lady or Young Lady.

I do not like Ma'am. Likely because it is a generational thing.

But I agree with the other posters it entirely depends on the context and the type of people you hang around with. For some people saying "ladies" would be not only antiquated but offensive. For others saying "women" would be too much effort and would not fit into their everyday conversational dialogue. It entirely depends on what works for you and your peers.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 9 (view)
 
is havinga little acne a big turn off?
Posted: 9/28/2009 10:02:46 AM

Clear skin is better than acne, obviously. But no one is perfect and no one is looking for perfection. The girl you will ask out has thing she is insecure about also.


This is true as well. Perhaps you can't see her insecurities from where you are standing. She may have stretch marks, an extra toe, hemorrhoids (or worse), in hindsite acne is nothing right?
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
 
When the window of opportunity closes
Posted: 9/27/2009 2:19:31 PM
When women mean slow that means they don't want to hop into the sack on the second date.

When you say dating for two weeks, does that mean you are seeing them every day for two weeks? or just e-mailing for two weeks? From your last post it sounds like you ran into a woman in real life and now you just e-mail her because you are afraid of calling her.

In fact that is a bit too slow and perhaps backwards, if you had met these women in real life initially. That could be misinterpretted as disinterest on your part. There are so many men on here complaining about people online not ever graduating from chatbuddy to phonecalls.

These women met you on the street, and you deliberately made them chatbuddies! In fact they ask you to call them, and you think that is pressuring? You have already met them!!! Yes that is too slow. There is a different expectation with people you have met from real life situations than from those you meet in cyber world.

In their mind the two of you already have some mutual attraction or chemistry, the next logical step is for you to take them out for dinner, movie, or go to the gym together...or whatever the two of you have in common. If you consider them to be a person of interest then you would be calling or texting them of your own volition. It shouldn't feel like they are pressuring you.

I could see the two weeks of e-mailing if it was someone you met on a dating site. But why would they hang around just e-mailing you? They might as well go on a dating site, or pick up another guy on the street who will do all of the above activities with them rather than just send them e-mails. In fact they probably were since you weren't being active about it.

If you didn't call them when they were suggesting it several times, they likely felt that you really weren't that into them afterall.

Just saying.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
How could I improve my profile?
Posted: 9/27/2009 2:04:05 PM

Is there something in my profile that is a big turn-off? Is something unaddressed?


Lose the arrogance and get your butt to profile review. It sounds like you already found your true love according to your profile...what are you doing here?
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Being a virgin
Posted: 9/27/2009 1:52:15 PM
Well, what you do is don't talk about that until you are in a relationship. You are looking for a longterm relationship aren't you? So what does it matter if you get to the sex part right away? That would really blow (no pun intended) if on your first time you got HIV or something.

You are very young still, there may still be an almost virgin out there for you. Not all women find extremely experienced men all that charming.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Is it bad to blow a guy...more then once, on a first date?
Posted: 9/26/2009 12:27:50 PM

You didn't use teeth, did you?


Obviously not, she got to go back for seconds.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Least a**hole'ish way to know if a woman is saving sex for marriage?
Posted: 9/26/2009 12:23:21 PM

Good luck.
and I mean that sincerely. I believe it is like finding a needle at the bottom of the ocean.


You should probably join one of those religious dating sites where that is actually a common practice.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Eye contact and body language.....
Posted: 9/26/2009 11:41:39 AM
Expectations create disappointment.

There are other things to consider.

For all we know, she may have gone on a date with a POF guy (for example) the previous night and had no idea that her friends had only invited her to this party to meet you. Imagine what was going through her mind at that moment. That could have been a very weird moment for her.

That reaction could have been completely unrelated to how you looked, or what you said.

Maybe she was not nearly as available as her friends perceived her to be. A lot of single women have friends who are happily in relationships and want them to be in relationships too. But these single women are like you mentioned, attractive and perfectly capable of getting a date on their own. She is probably just finicky and likes to choose who she dates. The reaction she was having was probably because she was put off by her friends forcing her to do this. By reacting this way, she is hoping they will never attempt to set her up again.

Do not take it at all personally.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
how deep?
Posted: 9/26/2009 11:18:13 AM

what im wondering is how deep do you let someone in? how much do you let go and tell your innermost feelings? how intimate do you really get?


I am a more open person comparatively to others. However, it is either all or none. If I don't trust someone they are on the outskirts/fringes of my life. I am not one to have superficial relationships, just to have a bounty of friends that I cannot trust.

Of course with online characters it is a bit different. One can't very well disclose their entire life story to someone they may not see again, or who may be a criminal. It is all relative to what you know and who you trust.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Eye contact and body language.....
Posted: 9/26/2009 11:07:56 AM

her body language was poor and she never made eye contact with me. She actually "Skipped-over me" with her eyes or "looked through me"


I do that all the time on first meets with men I am not interested in, but that doesn't seem to hinder them from trying to hook up again by texting and calling everyday for a week. If she was your type you would have been all over trying to make it work and change her mind. As everyone else had said, she was probably surprised by you and the situation. Under different circumstances with less pressure (audience of mutual friends), she probably would have talked to you like any other human being and may have even liked you.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Bemused for 30 yrs with wet towels
Posted: 9/25/2009 10:48:22 AM

ladies..........a guy can use the same towel for 2 weeks worth of showers............[we are clean when we dry off.....hang the towel up.it dries til we need it gain.....voila!...less laundry]......whereas a woman needs 3 towels for one shower...........1 to dry off.....one to wrap her hair........one to wear the 11 feet from bathroom to bed room.......


Oh that is easy. I have very long hair so my hair takes an entire bathsheet, not a bathtowel....that is to get it to the point where it is no longer dripping but the towel will be drenched. One towel for my body. Then you need another one that is dry to get you to your room without being perved on by the neighbours (we have skylights and panoramic windows here), because if you use the other ones they will get your bed wet and mildewy.

Of course I have a robe so I don't use the third towel but I can understand the reasoning behind it.

 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
More than you expected
Posted: 9/25/2009 10:43:11 AM
All the guys I met were probably at least 2-5 notches lower on the scale of hotness than their pictures. Mostly because they lied about their ages or height and that detracts from expectation for me. When someone is dishonest about their age that is life experience. It is hard to trust someone who would lie about that.

I gave most of them at least a second date just to make sure there wasn't something there if I had been chatting with them for a while.

I can't say that I have ever met a guy that was more attractive upon the first meet than in his pictures. Of course during the dating he may become more attractive in my eyes because I will become very attached to him.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Bemused for 30 yrs with wet towels
Posted: 9/25/2009 10:29:07 AM
Because some social clubs/high society places have rules about swimwear away from the pool/poolside.

It depends on the walk you are talking of. There are a lot of places where it is mandatory to cover up as soon as you are away from the pool. It is social etiquette. There are many people staying in international hotels or using social clubs of many cultures who may not ever wear much less approve of bathing suits of that nature. And not because of their size, but because they may get killed in their home country for wearing any such thing.

For such reasons there are rules in hotels, cruiseships, social clubs etc about walking around in particular clothing as to not offend other people. Some hotels you are not allowed to walk in the hallway in your bathing suit and towel, much less just a bathing suit. Usually you are supposed to have an appropriate cover up or change of clothes. Occasionally you see the odd person doing it, but that is because they are unaware, and nobody is going to embarass them by stopping them. A lot of people are likely not aware of why they have to cover up their suit when away from the pool. As why 20% do not. But it is actually something an educated person would do.

Some people simple cover up because they do not want to get sexually harrassed or looked up and down by unwelcomed eyes when they are not sunbathing or swimming. From the nature of your post it would seem reasonable that these women might be doing just that.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 19 (view)
 
when you're sick.. when you (as a man) battle a cold
Posted: 9/25/2009 10:13:49 AM
I had a boyfriend once who was like this. Well a couple of them. They didn't want to get me sick. It was nothing to do with being manly or because they looked a particular way. They were sick and contagious. If I got sick that was that much longer they had to go without sex.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 11 (view)
 
What hobbies are turn-offs?
Posted: 9/24/2009 10:39:21 PM
I think a lot of women would be afraid to respond due to your hobby of "excessive computer hacking".

There have been threads on similar things gaming and such. But I agree with the previous posters thus far.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Asian girl tips??
Posted: 9/24/2009 9:51:10 PM
I am Asian, but Canadian born. I would agree with a lot that |3lueseas mentioned. Of course never take one person's opinion or past experience and make that a generalization to an entire race.

Myself and a lot of my Asian friends and family are very westernized. English is our first language. Some of us do not speak any asian language. Some of my extended family are married into 2nd generation Asians. But most of us are 3rd or 4th or 5th generation Canadian born. Even still the one thing that is common in my extended is that we are all close. We respect our elder generation and any man that we dated for the longterm/marriage would have to fit into that fold and feel comfortable going to "joy luck club" type events. Perhaps as the ONLY caucasian person in a sea of 100 Asian people.

Just something to keep in mind.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Best Guy Costumes?
Posted: 9/19/2009 10:29:59 PM
I think a warrior/gladiator would be the sexiest thing of the ones you mentioned.

Especially if you have the body to pull it off.

The only guys that are sexy in drag are actual dragqueens. I do not find it funny or attractive for a straight man to dress as a woman, I find it rather vulgar. It reminds me of the teenaged boys in highschool trying to get an excuse to use the girl's washroom during the halloween dance.
 
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